OK, so I was WRONG!

The Steelers won't beat New England in the playoffs this year. They lost by a measly 2 points tonight (the spread was 2 1/2...hmmmmmm)

Also, thanks to everyone that is tuning in to the radio show! It has been a blast and we are looking forward to a great 2008! Today's show was are best show of all of 2008 and at least the 4th best of all time! (listen Saturday's at 3pm on 97.1 FREE FM in Los Angeles or online at www.971freefm.com )

Happy New Year!

Dan

10:14 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

My book....an update.

It is that time of year again! The time that people stumble across my book on amazon or barnesandnoble.com and get it as a gift for the up and coming gift giving season. Well, two things happend this week...first, someone left a less than stellar comment on Amazon about the book. I am insecure (an insecure comic?) and I decided that the best way for me to handle this was to post a review to his review. You can see it here:

http://www.amazon.com/Book-Hosting-How-Suck-Emcee/dp/1411677846/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1197778796&sr=8-1

Also, there was a listing on eBay for a collection of the top books on stand-up comedy, and mine was included...good times.

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=190180832842

If you'd like to give the gift that keeps on giving, there is still enough time to get the book delivered for Christmas!

Happy Holidays!

Also, please listen to my new radio show every Saturday on 97.1 FREE FM in Los Angeles. (or online at www.971freefm.com )

Thanks!

Dan

Currently reading : The Book on Hosting: How Not to Suck as an Emcee By Dan Rosenberg Release date: 20 August, 2006

8:14 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

3 NFL Predictions for 2008...
Current mood: pugnacious

1. The Steelers will beat New England in the playoffs...thus making Aaron Smiths guarantee of a win, a reality...he didn't say when, he just said they would.

2. Bill Cowher will be the new football coach in Carolina...I guarantee it!

3. One of these predictions will be wrong.

Currently reading : How to Talk to Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere: The Secrets of Good Communication By Larry King Release date: 03 August, 2004

8:13 PM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Happy Birthday THANKS!!!

Thanks for all the comments wishing me a happy 37th...yes, I am really 37. Unlike other comics/actors/writers/dudes on here that love to lie about their age. Some do it as a joke....but when all of a sudden someone is 6 or 7 years younger...it's like if I suddenly had hair.

Thanks again...see ya out there!

Dan

5:13 PM - 1 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Some Funny I wrote...enjoy!

The Seven wonders of the world list has been updated. As voted by millions via the internet the new seven are:   
 
Chichén Itzá, Mexico  
Christ Redeemer, Brazil  
The Great Wall, China  
Machu Picchu, Peru  
Petra, Jordan  
The Roman Colloseum, Italy  
The Taj Mahal, India    

Donald Trump sent out a press release thanking everyone for voting for his casino and was quoted as saying "This is HUGE. But, I guess they made a typo…The Taj Mahal is in Atlantic City."  

The Christian rock band Petra was not available for comment on their selection.  

Coming in a close 8 is Carson Daly's career.  

***  

Black Eyed Peas singer Fergie has denied claims that she plans to advertise a clothing line in her new songs. A recent report said that the Black Eyed Peas singer would give name-checks to US clothing firm Candie's in songs for her second solo album, after signing a $4 million deal with the company. However, her spokesperson explained: "There is absolutely no truth in the media reports that Fergie has agreed to product placement in her songs. She does have a commercial deal with the clothing brand Candie's, but it has nothing whatsoever to do with the creation of her music."  


Fergie's newest song "Budweiser AT&T Nike" debuts Tuesday.  


***   

China is looking to get into the Guinness book of world records for the largest public restroom in the world with 1000 toilets in it. Do they need to use the word "public" before restroom in a bathroom of this size? Even Dick Cheney, who is usually full of crap, would never need 1,000 private toilets; and at the government cost for a toilet, Halliburton would get a 1.4 Billion dollar no bid contract for them!  

***   

The Durex Condom company is looking for unpaid condom testers in Australia. Aren't their enough unpaid condom testers? They're called parents. They had a line of over 700 people at their offices the first day. 699 guys and 1 really ugly chick.

***

An 11-year-old girl was charged with drunken driving after leading police on a chase at speeds of up to 100 mph that ended when she flipped the car in an Alabama beach town.

Lionel Richie is quoted as saying "I had no idea I had another daughter"

Her parents said she was a late bloomer, and unlike her brother, she didn't start drinking until she was 8.

***

The judge in Phil Spector's murder trial decided Monday to let jurors hear from a celebrity security guard who says he heard the record producer rant against women and declare they should all be shot in the head.

If that makes Phil Spector guilty, then Ice-T should be convicted for singing a song called Cop Killer...and for his horrible acting on Law and Order.

***

On this day in 2002..At a Sotheby's auction, Peter Paul Rubens' painting "The Massacre of the Innocents" is sold for $76.2 million to Lord Kenneth Thomson. In Tampa Florida, a velvet painting of Paul Rubens' Peter sold for $37.50.

***
 

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Sitting at the airport...

I am in Florida this week. I have to say, travelling is a grind, but also quite fun. I am sitting here watching some of the weirdest people I have ever seen walk by. Do these people know they are weird? Maybe I am the weird one, sitting here on my laptop using the free WiFi (which by the way is AMAZING! I have to travel more often....FREE INTERNET! WOO HOO!)

Maybe they walk by and say "look at that wierdo" wait. Is weirdo spelled IE or EI? Hmmm...I before E except after C or when pronounced like and A like in NEIGHBOR and WEIGH.....WEIRD...WIERD....Ok, I am an idiot...it is WIERD. Wait...when two vowels go walking, the first one does the talking...I spelled it wrong a few times and really don't care to fix it.

Ok, so the pilot is standing right beside me using his laptop....this is awkward. Do I talk to him? "nice flight" "thanks for not killing us" "if we wrecked, and I ended up on LOST, would I be more like Jack, Sawyer or some schmuck that walks around in the background?" Damn.....he walked away.

I want to write two new bits this week...one about being VEGAN and one about driving a PRIUS. (I before U except.....)

I did two shows last weekend at the Downtown Comedy Club in LA...Garrett Morris is one of the owners. He was great on SNL (1975-80) It was a thrill to work with an original member of the cast.

Oh well...that's all for this blog. I plan to blog alot over the next 3 weeks as I have lots of shows and whatnot.

Currently watching : Weird Science Release date: 01 April, 1998

2:58 AM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

A real Blog?
Current mood: giddy

I usually have some smart ass thing to say on my blog, but I decided to use it tonight as it was meant to be: as a journal. So I am going to write what I am thinking about and feeling right at this moment.....

Ok, so like 10 minutes have gone by and I got nuthin...I am going to go eat something, then come back. Stay tuned.

I am back and stuffed like a thing that ate too much. Wheeew! Now I have some stuff to yap about.

1. I am headlining the Pittsburgh Funnybone for the first time in a few months. I closed a few times there, but only on weeknights when they had like 30 people in the crowd. This time is for real. My name on the marquee, radio spots, the whole megilla. For anyone that is not a comic, this may not seem like a big deal, but when it is your home club, the place you started (way back in 91ish) it is a nice feeling.  It's one of the things on my "list" that I can cross off now. If you are in the area May 31 - June 2, please come by and say hi!

2. My XM radio show has been going very well. I have had some great comics in studio. If you have XM, it's on National Lampoon Comedy Radio (channel 154)

3. I need to go to sleep now. I ate too much food and now I am groggy.....must...get....to..........zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Currently watching : Downtown Pittsburgh Release date: 23 August, 2005

10:31 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

The JERK store called...
Current mood: rejuvenated

Let me start by saying I will not be on Last Comic Standing 5.

I was lucky to have established myself enough to not have wait in line for 24 hours like some people did Monday at the Improv. I "know a few people" and I had a 12:45 audition spot. I didn't get to go in until 2pm and I almost had the balls to complain...but when the guy sitting next to me tells me he got there at 5 o'clock YESTERDAY, how can I complain about walking right in and only having to wait an hour and fifteen minutes?

Anyway, as each comic was exiting the room, one common thing came out of their mouth..."That ANT can kiss my ass" or "F*CK ANT!" So I knew ahead of time that Ant was trying his hardest to be the Simon Cowell (or in his case Bowel) of this show. I have been doing this crap long enough to know that A) Reality shows aren't real, and 2) They are looking for drama...and there aren't too many queens more dramatic than "Tony" aka ANT.

I was ready...I go in, do my first joke and NOTHING! All three of them (oh, I forgot to mention, the other judges were Alonzo Bodden and Kathleen Madigan, who were also previous contestants on the show) they just stared at me like the sound was off and they had no idea what I was saying...here is the joke and the way the rest of the audition went:

DAN: My idol, Rodney Dangerfield died the day after I
finished reading his book. It made me go on a search...not a soul
search, per se, I want to Barnes and Noble to see if Carrott Top had a
book.

ALONZO, KATHLEEN, ANT stare into space as if I just said something very quietly in an alien language.

DAN: Nothin? Really? You see, if I read HIS book, maybe Carrott Top would die the next day...or lose his props...still nothin?

ANT: Ok, I've seen enough, THANK YOU!

DAN: Great. Thanks! (Exit stage left)

Now, hindsight being 20/20, It SHOULD have gone THIS WAY...

ANT: Ok, I've seen enough, THANK YOU!

DAN: Thanks Ant, what do the two REAL comedians think?

ALONZO: I am not sure why they put this diva on this show in the first place. At least I write my own stuff. I say YES, come back tonight for the LA finals...

DAN: Thanks ALONZO, you're right, ANT judging a comedy contest is like George Bush judging a Mensa contest.

KATHLEEN: I am close friends with Carrott Top and I worked with Rodney so I was totally offended by your HI-LARRY-OUS joke. I agree, ANT makes CARLOS MENCIA look like a great writer of comedy. I too say YES.

DAN: Thanks guys, you two rock. Oh, ANT, I liked your comedy for about 5 minutes....but NOT IN A ROW.......you do know that you are like the 3000th comic to steal that bit from STEVEN WRIGHT, don't you? I really wonder where you got the pictures of Peter Engel and/or Barry Katz with young farm animals doing the nasty, because other than bribery, there is no way either of these men would cast you on this show in the first place, let alone have you come back to judge...see you tonight, where your vote means NOTHING!

Now, THAT is what I should have done...but, unlike George Costanza, I am not going to travel to another city just to get my chance to say what I should have said. Saying it here on my blog is enough for me.

Thanks for reading my blog!

Dan (is that too bitter?) Rosenberg

Currently reading : The Book on Hosting: How Not to Suck as an Emcee By Dan Rosenberg Release date: 25 August, 2006

1:58 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Last Comic Standing 5
Current mood: anxious

EVERY comic I know says they aren't going to audition for LCS5. Really? If that was the case, I should be able to walk right in, do my two minutes and win the damn thing outright. I am going in and just hoping to make it onto the next round. I don't ask for much, just a Tuesday night spot at the Improv. Tune in here on Monday night and I'll tell you how the "audition" went...and how many comics that aren't auditioning are actually there....

Currently watching : Alonzo Bodden - Tall, Dark, and Funny Release date: 14 February, 2006

10:52 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Has it really been THAT long?????
Current mood: recumbent

So, I have not been on this MySpace thingy for a while. At least not the blogging doo hickey part of it. I have been busy doing other things, like, well, not much really.

My son turns two on Sunday. All I can say is thank God the STEELERS SUCKED this year. If they were in the "Big Game" on Sunday, I'd have a lot of weird looks from the wifey's side of the family during Josh's birthday party. (I'd have one eye on the game...and they are all from Boston, so they like the Patriots...YUK!)

In other news, I was just in Tampa Florida for a show at the really cool Tampa Improv. Like three days later....TORNADOES! (is that spelled right? I'll ask Dan Quale...1989 is calling...) Life, like comedy, is all about timing.

On TV, the Apprentice pretty much sucks like the Pittsburgh Steelers (this year...next season will ROCK!) but "24" is AWESOME! The Office, 30 Rock, Heroes and Studio 60 are all really good shows so far this season (hard to believe NBC has so many good shows again!)

I just realized that as I type this I am putting myself to sleep. How do you read this crap?

That's all....I am going to bed.

Oh, celeb sighting today! Tony Hale (Buster from Arrested Development) at the Third Street Prominade...cool?

Currently watching : Arrested Development - Seasons 1-3 Release date: 14 November, 2006

10:50 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Michael Richards: My Side of the Story
Current mood: creative
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities

Ok, so I think it really sucks the Michael Richards went off and spewed a bunch of racist crap at the Laugh Factory. But here is my opinion of why this is NOT NEWS.

1. If the video didn't leak, no one outside of LA would be talking about this.

2. This is the THIRD "breakdown" story I have heard about. (One of the others involved him yelling at a heckler, then calling the emcee the "C" word)

3. I think Howard Stern has had much worse on his show (Daniel Carver comes to mind)

With all of the killing going on overseas, and the crap going on right here in our country, what Cosmo Kramer thinks about a few hecklers is not national news. Was he wrong? YES. Was he out of line? YES. Were the hecklers right? MOST LIKELY.

I did a show with him last month and he did REALLY REALLY well! He didn't kill, but everyone in the room (about 200 people) enjoyed seeing a comedic icon live and in person. I got to chat with him afterwards and we talked about his starting stand-up again (to George Lopez..he was a comic BEFORE he was an actor...just like you!) and we also talked a little bit about his time in Vietnam and how that's the real stuff and this Hollywood crap is just that, a big pile a smelly poop.

Anyway, it was the wrong way to handle a heckler and it is sad to watch a 57 year old man just melt on stage. If I was the next comic after that event, I would have opened with my "George Costanza as a Nazi" bit. (no, Mom, I don't really have a bit like that!)

Speaking of the Laugh Factory, I am performing there tomorrow (Tues 11/21) come by and say hi! I promise not to go all Kramer on your ass.

Currently watching : Trial and Error Release date: 23 November, 1999

9:44 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Three and a half famous people and me...
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities

So I had an interesting celebrity sighting day last week. I was over at National Lampoon Radio sitting in on an interview with ELVIRA (#1) while we were there, we looked out the window, and saw about 50 paparazi hanging out at Hamburger Hamlet across the street, so we all went in for lunch. Sitting there in the corner...PARIS HILTON and NICOLE RICHIE. (#2 and #3) and then, after they left...KATO KAELIN (#4?) walked in.

I think Kato may have been one of the paparazi and came in for lunch after waiting all that time in front of the place, only to have Nicole and Paris head out the back.

L.A. is such a wierd place. You can be in line at Starbucks with Robert Downey Jr. or at Whole Foods with Donald Sutherland...it makes you realize that they are just people like the rest of us. Or are they?

Currently watching : P.S. Your Cat Is Dead Release date: 19 August, 2003

1:33 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Not much happnin'

Heading back west...

So it's been almost a month on the east coast. Lot's of fun stuff! Portland was great, the Boston Comedy Festival was great, doing nothing for a week was also great. I am really looking forward to heading back to Santa Monica. I think the new Starbucks beside my house will be open by now. I will only have to walk across the street instead of two blocks to get a coffee. WOO HOO!

Well, that is all for this little blog. Oh, here is what's coming up in October that should be fun...

Oct 6, the workshop @ the Improv

Oct 12, King Davids of Comedy show @ the Improv

Oct 20, Guest Hosting the Meathead and Rocky Morning show in Bakersfield (and doing a show that night!)

Ta Ta For Now!

Dan

Currently reading : The Book on Hosting: How Not to Suck as an Emcee By Dan Rosenberg Release date: 25 August, 2006

9:42 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Steve Erwin RIP
Current mood: crushed
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities

I really think it sucks the he died. I also think it sucks that every hack comic can start doing the crocodile hunter material again...oh wait, they never stopped doing it.

3:29 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

3 things I hate about MySpace....
Current mood: cranky
Category: MySpace

In reverse order, but not in actual order of hate...

3. People that have so much crap on thier page that it takes 5 minutes to load. Enough already. If I am on a cable modem, NO page should take more than 5 seconds.

2. People that have their picture look like Tom's. There are only about 10000 of you doing that. VERY original.

1. Some guy named Gary that keeps trying to post comments and asking "Do you have an album coming out" then putting some lame tracking "where are your visitors coming from" logo...

That's all. Happy September!

10:58 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment