So I've decided I was going to write a blog about falling in love. Ironically I have no flowery things to say on the matter. As some of you know sometimes I can be very poetic however this time I only have my deepest heart felt emotions to express. In case you're going to ask if I am in love and who I am in love with, well the first answer is yes of course I'm in love and second well some of you have figured it out already and have asked about her but also I know the minute she reads this blog posting I'm sure she will identify herself as she does in everything I write about her. I thought I would leave her the fun of that. It seems to make her proud to identify herself as the one who inspires me so and frankly I like that.
I will tell you this, the loving her has been very good to me. Some have already questioned it and we have made our peace about it because I know they have asked because they have been looking out for my best interests and don't want to see me hurt and I thank them for such kindness and care but they have not lived my life and don't know how perfect she is for me. I have never been such a better person or such a better man since knowing her. I've never been so understanding of what love really means. Keep in mind sometimes you just have to be Dan to understand the benefits but I will say that the sum total of who I am and my life's work has improved exponentially because of her and keeps getting better everyday. She has inspired me in all the ways that I have been sorely needing.
The truth is I write this blog not so much to share how I feel but to see her reaction to knowing that I have put my love for her out there for the world to see. I like it when she gets excited and swells with pride when I tell people about her. Her soul lights up and she is filled with happiness and I like bringing her happiness. It is one of my goals in life to make her as happy as possible. That's one of the things I love about this love. It has really taught me about how to be truly selfless and selfish at the same time and in such a way that it benefits those I love. I find that I lack the words to really do justice to how I truly feel about her. She knows. I would do anything for her although sadly I am human and I can't always keep up with my desire to do better each and everyday but I press on and she is always grateful for my efforts and the love I show her. We are two souls who have found are way home thanks to each other.
I will conclude by saying that she is my everything and that no one can ever replace her. My life has been infinitely better since knowing her. I hope the rest of you find some one as perfect for you as I have found someone so perfect for me.
First I want to thank everyone who took a shot at interpreting the dream from my last posting. There weren't many of you but then I wasn't really expecting anyone to try so I am even more grateful for those who did.
Now there are few details that may have changed the interpretations I've received. I have had a previous dream many, many years ago in which I was told to find the lady with the "Jade Stone" by the same voice as in this dream. In the context of the dream I was being chased by demons for my refusal to side with the Devil in his new plans for the world. As a wandering "scholar" I would pass information between factions of the resistance movement and I would warn people against making deals with him. The lady with the Jade Stone could help me be free of the demons that pursued me. Interestingly enough several years later I met a woman who's favorite stone was jade and she helped me be free of "the demons that pursued" me. She made me not want to be the person I was before I met her.
The next point which may have helped is that my mother does not appear in my or my siblings dreams as a positive figure. In fact she has been the inadvertent cause of my death in many dreams by being "motherly" at the wrong time. As in instead of finding out what really needs to be done she goes into martyr mode which messes up the plans that were made. Don't get me wrong we love our mom and sometimes her martyr mode had proven useful but mostly it has had "unfortunate" consequences.
Thirdly it would help to know that my relationships with women end strangely. Relationships will often terminate without me ever knowing why. Either the woman in question didn't know how to tell me so they just terminate it through a second party or might just stop talking to me. Mostly I have no idea why the relationships end. This has led to some issues with me most of which I have discarded or so I thought but with this dream I wonder.
So knowing those things might have changed the interpretations but then who knows but now on with what the dream means as far as I can tell.
Things have been "up" for me I have a new direction in my life and some of that is in part thanks to my older sister hence her appearance in the comfortable setting by the lake. The sudden fear of bears showing up is simply that we have lot of nuisance bears so it fit the setting. I just didn't want to leave my sister there to be caught of guard because she was sleeping. It is a fear that preys on my mind when at the cottage that has been around for several years. So it makes a good introduction for the appearance of the supernatural.
So enter the Dark Lady. She herself never caused me fear. In fact my fear went away once I knew what I was dealing with. It is not knowing what I'm dealing with that causes me fear. Once I have something quantifiable I can start on a solution. It helped that the voice that told me to "go to the Dark Lady" was also the voice that told me to find "the lady with the Jade Stone". So I listened. The Dark Lady's particular elusive presentation is simply because I've watched tons of horror movies as a child but she was elusive in general because I find my relationships with women elusive to begin with. Sometimes from my own errors and sometimes from their errors. So I went after the Dark Lady with the resolve that I will not mess this up which is why I learned her walking patter so I could catch up to her or if you will understand how to "be with her".
That she met me halfway when I couldn't reach out to her was a complete surprise to me because my view of the world is that women don't really want me in that way or in the very least aren't here to help me when I'm down. I often feel that I am merely a means to an end. It became clear in my mind that this Dark Lady was meant to be my "soul mate" but I just assumed that it was just wishful thinking on my behalf. Hence the being covered in velvet. Velvet is very nice to touch and I love the feel of a woman wearing velvet.
The reason for the persistent lap top appearance is mostly because it was my excuse to break away if I felt I was in over my head or that I didn't want to continue with what I was doing but it is also symbolic of me holding on to useless items and/or emotions when I should cast them aside so I can immerse myself in the "now".
The Dark Lady was the "Dark" Lady because in part she symbolized the unknown which is why she was covered from head-to-toe revealing only her silhouette. Although I struggled against accepting she was intended as my "soul mate" even though it was fairly obvious that is what the voice meant at this point when it said "go to the Dark Lady". I wanted my family to see her before I decided to continue exploring the reason for the Dark lady's appearance because my family has so often been a source of discouragement to me so I figured if they saw her then she must be real and I'm not just being crazy.
Why my mom had long white hair eludes me. Long white hair on a woman as my mom was wearing it in my dream symbolizes more the natural beauty of age and as well as I associated with an older woman not afraid of her sexuality or more broadly a woman with a joy of life. When I think about it these are all characteristics that describe my mother when she is not worrying about being a "mom". So I guess that ties in with the whole setting of the beginning of the dream everything is going well and everyone is happy. My mom's fear of the Dark lady could frankly be of anything but I get he sense now that I am not in the dream that she was being a mom and afraid for her son. It would definitely feed into any doubts I was having about the Dark Lady which of course I was.
At this point I was afraid because I thought to myself that if she is indeed my soul mate (as I was trying not to assume for sake of not being disappointed if I was wrong and thus avoiding getting hurt) so far fate had not been kind to me in a lot of respects she was more then likely some kind of decomposing ghostly corpse or something equally strange and once the "oh so appealing" velvet wrapping came off what would I be "stuck" with. That brought up a bunch of conflicting emotions and I woke up.
So in essence the dream is about love and will it come to me and if it does will my fears mess it up for me preventing me from truly allowing myself to love. Well that is my interpretation anyway. I know it was fairly dramatic and I can see why the Dark Lady was interpreted as either death or at least someone out to steal my soul because frankly I had wondered that myself and without knowing the information I added here it made complete sense as an interpretation.
Once thanks for those who have tried to interpret it and thank you for those who read it and have commented.
Okay I know I haven't blogged in a bit but my personal life has been diverting me from my creative pursuits. So this blog may turn out to be a treat to some of you especially since this one is possibly "interactive".
A lot of people come to me to interpret their dreams for them. It seems I have the "knack" for it. So in this blog I've decided to turn that around. I had a very interesting dream last night that I've been holding off from interpreting because I want to see what other people would think of it.
It takes place in the present at my older sister's cottage. My mom, my older sister and my younger brother and sister are there. My older sister and I are sitting on the boardwalk built along the shore line. It is unusually lush, green and warm May evening for where the camp is located. We are sitting in something resembling bean bag chairs playing with our laptops. For some reason we have internet connections so at least I am chatting. My sister asks me to check the water to see if it's cold. I reach down and find that it's pretty warm. I decide I will shortly go for a swim. I see my laptop's battery is running low on power so I close it up. I see that my older sister has nodded off. I get up to put my laptop away in the cottage before taking a swim. I don't want it getting wet when I do a cannon ball that intend to splash my sister with.
As I walk up the slope to the cottage I start to wonder if I should be leaving my sister napping by herself since we are in bear country. I start to feel nervous and start scanning the surrounding forest for signs of wild animals. That's when the world kind of got spooky. I had that foreboding sense that something "supernatural" was a foot. I saw a dark figure to my right further up the slope that at first I thought might be a black bear. It wasn't. It was a shrouded and veiled female figure in black from head to toe. She was walking up the slope on angle to me. A voice in my head said to me "Go to the dark lady". As you might imagine I was kind of freaked out but I wasn't going to let that stop me. I was curious to see why I was suppose to go to the dark lady.
She was hard to "go to". Her walk was taking her away from me and she was doing the weird thing that you see in some horror movies to drive home the point that this person was supernatural and elusive. As she was walking a new dark lady would "manifest" and for a few seconds there are two of them but then the first one disappears and the other one carries on. Needless to say it was frustrating to try and catch up to her. Finally I figured out the pattern of her walk and I caught up to her as she was making her way down the slope toward where I had been sitting. A second dark lady had manifested and while the previous trailed off towards where I had been sitting the latest one veered from the pattern and was twirling around a thin tree like a child would around a pole he or she might find sticking out of the ground or a dancer in a musical might do around a lamppost. She seemed to be having a good time.
I was able to get within a few steps of her then I felt restricted I could only reach my arms out so far. I told the dark lady that she would have to meet me half-way. To my surprise she did and seemed very pleased to do so. She stopped twirling around the tree and stepped towards me. I got a good look at her. She was literally covered from head to toe in tight fitting black velvet. Even the hair on her head seemed covered with it. I could only make out her silhouette. The velvet obscured her features to the point that I couldn't even make out if she had a face. She felt real though when her hand reached out and grabbed mine. She took the one that was holding my laptop. Then she positioned herself so that I was behind her and my left hand and laptop were against the small of her back and I had her right hand in mine. We started walking again. I was now leading her along in the way one would lead a dance partner to the dance floor at a formal event. I knew it was important to figure out why had to "go to the dark lady" but first I wanted to make sure I wasn't crazy because the dark lady felt very real but I wanted to be sure. So I decided before I did anything else I would bring her into the cottage for my mom and little brother and sister to see so I knew she was real.
On my way to the entrance we had to pass by the big bay window in the living room. As we passed I could see that my mom was ironing. She looked different though, she had long white hair instead of her usual short red or brown. Anyway she suddenly looked up, outside the window to where we were and she freaked out. I wasn't sure what she was freaking out about. Did she freak out because I was crazy and walking all by myself as though I was leading someone, did she freak out because she saw the dark lady or was it even worse was the dark lady showing her something really freaky about the way she looked? Maybe she was some kind of decomposing ghostly corpse or something. Regardless my mother's sudden reaction made me freak out and as those thoughts raced through my mind I woke up.
So that's the dream. I would like to see if anyone wants to take a crack at interpreting it. I'm interested to see what you guys come up with.
Lo and behold my crappy animation skills. I bought an animation program while I was in California and I've started playing around with it. This is the fruit it has borne so far: Two versions of a flying dragon.
First version:
Second version:
Fell free to mock them my grandmother already did.
The nursery painting completed
Current mood: artistic
Category: Art and Photography
Okay so I'm finished painting my sister's nursery so I'm going to show you some pics of what I've done.
This is what you see when you first open the door to the nursery. Some bees flying around their broken hive.
You get into the room then you see this. I included it to give you an idea of the layout of the room.
This is to your left as you enter. This taken from near the window so the corner you see is to the right by the door. Tigger and Roo are bouncing around.
I've included this one so you get the sense that Kanga is watching Roo and Tigger.
This is the wall opposite to the entrance. As noted above Kanga is watching Roo and Tigger. Eyeore is just being his gloomy self. Owl is coming in for a landing and notices the bee.
This is the wall opposite of the Tigger and Roo mural. Pooh is attempting to rescue Piglet who is having a "kite incident".
This is the closet on the wall with the door. The bees from the broken bee hive are fluttering about.
This is the the other side of the wall you see when you first enter the room. It shows the beehive from behind.
So that is a tour of the nursery and my first attempt a mural painting. I designed everything in the room and painted everything with the exception of the motion lines that follow the bees, their hive, the balloon and kite strings and the kite. My sister wanted in on the process. So I gave her those projects.
Giving her those to do brought up an interesting conversation between us. I told her she was doing a good job and it surprised her to get that kind of compliment regarding her attempts at art. She had said that she was so used of me and my brother being labeled the "artistic ones" that she thought she had no such talent. She was "the overachiever who worked hard and could sing" (she sang in a band for a little while when she first moved to America).
Anyway the bees are included in attempt to tie all the characters together. The bees are out investigating the scene. I'm not sure why my sister wanted a broken beehive. So the current story is that the bees are trying to see if any of the characters are responsible.
I will say this about the whole experience. I will never work on textured walls again but should I end doing that I will will do it for triple what I have decided is my fee for murals. That and I think I will invest in an airbrush. The clouds would have been a lot easier with an airbrush.
Okay I wouldn’t normally do this...
Current mood: amused
Category: Life
Okay so I’m a big hater of "inspirational" e-mails and yet people keep sending them to me but I have to admit this recent one I recieved was kind of brilliant. It was fairly simple but effective so I thought I would share it with you in my blog so as not to clutter up your inboxes with it. Yes I know I’m very kind that way
This puts it all in perspective.....
The following is the philosophy of Charles Schultz, the creator of the ’Peanuts’ comic strip. You don’t have to actually answer the questions. Just read the e-mail straight through, and you’ll get the point.
1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America.
4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.
5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winner for best actor and actress.
6. Name the last decade’s worth of World Series winners.
How did you do? The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners .
Here’s another quiz. See how you do on this one:
1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.
5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with .
..
Easier?
The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care .
Pass this on to those people who have made a difference in your life.
’Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia ’ (Charles Schultz)
So here’s a sneek peak at a nursery I’m painting for my older sister. I’ll post more pics as I get them. Oh and they’ve been taking videos too for some reason but I don’t think I’ll be posting those.
The one thing to keep in mind with these pics is that I’m not done with the clean up touches of the characters but like I said this is just a sneak peek. I’m not done the nursery yet.
loved
pensive
amused
restless
awake
animated
accomplished
