Faineant Pictures Signs Derf Samoht to 4 Picture Deal
Current mood: accomplished
Category: Blogging

Derf Samoht Helms Faineant Pictures 2009 Releases
 
STANK: A  drama filled with suspenseful twist about two females caught in a web of confusion when they can not figure out what to wear and finally get dressed up for a night out at the club and realize they are too cute to dance with any of the men.
 
RHEA: It's a thrill ride race for time when a highly potent alien enema embeds itself in a has been ex-cop who can not find a working public bathroom in the midst of a traffic jam.
 
*CAFARDS AMOUREUX: This compelling foreign love story takes place in Russia during the reign of Stalin follows two lost souls united and forced to survive in brutal winters, horrid conditions, surviving off of rotten food rations, and coming close to having their lives stomped out by their overseers only to find that the love between these two roaches transcends any odds.
 
I KNOW WHAT YOU TOOK OUT LAST SEMESTER: An extremely graphic horror continuing the I KNOW WHAT YOU... saga, about a college student being terrorized by Student Loan Debt Collecting Zombies who prey on his friends and family and will only clear his debt in exchange for his soul. 
 
*(Russian: Carfards Amoureux, English: Roaches in Love)
 
Derf Samoht! The Reel Deal!
The BS Press --
Faineant Pictures signs a a four picture deal to Derf Samoht for an undisclosed amount against an undisclosed amount. Samoht, plagiarist, founder and Chief Editor of The Booty Clap Chronicle and Shizzznit Magazine plans to direct, produce, star and oversee the operations of craft services. Samoht's next adventure will be bringing to the screen his comic strip series REDHOOK and BROWNSVILLE. The live animated film will be called REDHOOK and BROWNSVILLE KICK IT IN CUBA. Derf Samoht is represented by his cousin Mont Mont and managers Kissy Boo, Stink'em and Associates.
 
More derf samoht clips and articles go to:
www.myspace.com/datbaw

 
 
 

Currently listening : Almost Famous By Various Artists - Soundtracks Release date: 12 September, 2000

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Redhook and Browsnsville: Episode 10
Current mood: cold
Category: Blogging

Fred Thomas Jr. presents

Redhook and Brownsville Epi. 10

(A Cold Chick!) by derf samoht

Redhook: Sup' son?

Brownsville: It's cold as I don't know what?

Redhook: Yeah, you're super bundled up wit' a hat, scarf, coat,

             long- johns, boots, ski-mask, wool-socks, gloves, ear-muffs

             and corduroy pants!

Brownsville: That ain't nothin'. I just saw a chick with a pigeon filled

                 bomber jacket, a fleece weave, low rider ski pants with a

                 wool thong and Timberland pumps!

Redhook: That's crazy cold, son!

Currently listening : One Cold Night By Seether Release date: 11 July, 2006

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3. A Redhook and Brownsville Christmas Ya’ mean?
Current mood: triumphant

A Redhook and Brownsville

Christmas Ya' mean?

Vol: 1 (Santa Sell Out!) by derf samoht

Redhook: Yo! Wut up son? You still working wit' dem' Elves?

Brownsville: Nah, Santa got bought out by Donald Trump.

                   He's going to build a casino at the North Pole.

                   Trump gave Santa like a billion dollars. Santa's about

                   to retire, divorce Mrs. Clause and marry his young

                   female Elf assistant.

Redhook: Word?

Brownsville: Yeah, she was a featured model in Rudolph's music 

                   video, " My Cane Ain't Candy."

Redhook: Oh, so she was a Video Ho Ho Ho! That's crazy son!

Currently reading : Santa Claus By Rod Green Release date: 03 October, 2006

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2. Redhook and Brownsville Christmas Ya’ Mean Vol. 1 (Eeeelfn’....)
Current mood: Yule Tidin’

2. Fred Thomas Jr. presents

    A Redhook and Brownsville

   Christmas Ya' mean?

   Vol: 1 (Eeeeelfn'…) by derf samoht

Redhook: Wut up son? Bout to make them toys?

Brownsville: Head Elf just texted me and said he running late.

Redhook: How is it working with them, man?

Brownsville: They aight… they smell funny but they cool. The only weird thing is that they don't go to the bathroom. They work non-stop so they must sweat it out.

Redhook:  Well, how do they make babies?

Brownsville: They don't.

Redhook: Den' who makes them?

Brownsville: All I know is when Mrs. Clause makes Santa a big meal… after he eats… he goes into the bathroom and comes out with an Elf.

Redhook: That's Efln' crazy, son!

Currently listening : Elf By John Debney Release date: 11 November, 2003

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Redhook and Brownsville Christmas Ya’ Mean? Vol. 1 (Tell Santa I Said...)
Current mood: Buggn’
Category: Buggn’ Blogging

Fred Thomas Jr. presents

A Redhook and Brownsville

Christmas Ya' mean?

Vol: 1 (Tell Santa I Said…) by derf samoht

Redhook: What's poppin' B?

Brownsville: Waiting on my ride to work.

Redhook: Where at?

Brownsville: I got a part time job at the North Pole. The Head Elf is coming to pick me up.

Redhook: Oh word? Well, tell Santa I said, he's been sending me some whack ass toys over the past couple of years.

Brownsville: Word?

Redhook: Word! One year I asked for a Cabbage Patch Kid and he gave me cabbage with a face drawn on it.

Brownsville: Whatchu' do with it?

Redhook: Mom's threw it in a pot with some smoked turkey butt.  Another time I asked for Tickle Me Elmo and he sent me Crack Head Elmo that shook when you took his pipe.

Brownsville: Damn! Whatchu' do?

Redhook: I put it in re-hab. Then last year I asked for Halle Berry and he gave me a blow up doll.

Brownsville: You sent it back?

Redhook: Nah, I kept that. It was plastic, but it was still Halle Berry.

Brownsville: That's crazy son!

Currently listening : Funky Christmas By James Brown Release date: 23 November, 1999

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Redhook and Brownsville: Epi. 9 T.I. Joe
Current mood: chipper
Category: Blogging

Fred Thomas Jr. presents
derf samoht's
Redhook and Brownsville: That's Crazy Son! Episode 9 (T.I. Joe)

Redhook: Yo B! You hear about your boyee T. I.?

Brownsville: Yeah, they caught him with an arsenal.

Redhook: They said he had everything… machine guns, silencers, rifles, grenades, bazookas… they found a Stealth Bomber in his back yard… a Stealth Bomber, son!

Brownsville: Cops only pulled him over because he was a black man in a white neighborhood driving a tank with rims.

Redhook: Why he have all dat'?

Brownsville: He was starting a security organization where he was going to protect Rappers performing in other countries.

Redhook: Oh like, Blackwater?

Brownsville: Yeah, but the government called his Muddywater.

Redhook: That's crazy, son!

Currently watching : G.I. Joe: The Movie Release date: 20 June, 2000

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Redhook and Brownsville: Epi. 8 O J Again?
Current mood: creative
Category: Blogging

Fred Thomas Jr. presents
derf samoht's
Redhook and Brownsville: That's Crazy Son! Episode 8 ( O J Again?)

Redhook: Yo son! You heard about that O J robbery?
Brownsville: Yeah, they said he runs a gang called The Juice Crew.
Redhook: They're linking him to being behind a whole bunch of stuff.
They said O J organized Mike Vick's pit bull fights, told
Bin Laden to knock down the towers and convinced Busch to
invade Iraq!
Brownsville: Word? That's crazy conspiracy, son!

Currently watching : Dog Day Afternoon Release date: 17 December, 1997

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Redhook and Brownsville: Epi. 7 Cosmetic Cutie
Current mood: ecstatic

derf samoht's
Redhook and Brownsville: That's Crazy Son! Episode 7 (Cosmetic Cutie)

Redhook: Yo! Wut up son?
Brownsville: Man, just came from shopping with my girl.
Redhook: Oh word!
Brownsville: Just bought her a new weave with leather and suede tracks.
Redhook: That's hot!
Brownsville: I know… last week she had the breast implants, she got the
lipo-suction, tummy tuck, butt implants, nose job, callagen
injections, green contacts… all dat.
Redhook: Kid, you're going to have the hottest shortie in the neighborhood!
Brownsville: Yup, cause next week she's getting a USB slot implanted so I
can hook my IPOD to her and she can play music while we
make love.
Redhook: Wow! That's crazy beautiful son!

Currently listening : Simply Gorgeous With Catherine Hickland: Cosmetic & Skin Care Tips to Bring Out the Babe Within You Release date: 06 April, 2004

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Redhook and Brownsville Epi. 6
Current mood: excited
Category: Blogging

Fred Thomas Jr. presents
derf samoht's Redhook and Brownsville: That's Crazy Son! Episode 6
(Chicken Noodle Soup Diet Plan)

Brownsville: Hey bruh', you looking like you losing weight?

Redhook: Yeah, I'm on this new South Central diet.

Brownsville: What's that?

Redhook: You eat one soul food meal a day and the exercise is you run through a
gang infested neighborhood shouting the name of a rival gang. But my
doctor said it was bad for my health.

Brownsville: Why, because you might get shot?

Redhook: No, because I would slow down when I hear a low rider blasting my song,
"Chicken Noodle Soup with a Soda on the side" , and I'm hungry again.

Brownsville: I could have put you on to my diet. I lost like fifteen pounds man.

Redhook: Yeah, your pants are saggier than usual, but that's you though.
What's the diet?

Brownsville: The Weed Diet.

Redhook: Word?

Brownsville: Yup! And you only eat when you get the munchies.

Redhook: What's the meal plan?

Brownsville: "Chicken noodle soup with a soda on the side."

Redhook: That's crazy, son!

Currently listening : Chicken Noodle Soup By DJ Webstar Release date: 06 February, 2007

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Redhook and Brownsville
Current mood: aggravated

Fred Thomas Jr. presents
derf samoht's Redhook and Brownsville: That's Crazy Son! Episode 4
(Should Have Seen It Comin')

Brownsville: Yo son! You heard about those terrorist dudes in New Jerz?

Redhook: Yeah man! The FBI should have seen it comin'. The signs were right there.

Brownsville: Wasn't they working in a pizza shop?

Redhook: Yeah, and they had the crazy terrorist menu. 12inch Suicide Bomb Diggidy
pizza, with no sauce, no cheese… just dough and hot shit… hot sauce, hot
peppers, hot flakes…. topped with C-4 slices.

Brownsville: The govment' ain't see that? I mean who in they right mind orders a
uranium burger? They even had a vegetarian grub, the pickled plutonium
parmesan sandwich… and for dessert Upside Down Al Qaeda cake.

Redhook: Monday Nights was Live Music featuring the
Tali-Band.

Brownsville: Come on man, that's crazy son!

Currently listening : Terrorist Threats By Westside Connection Release date: 09 December, 2003

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