This morning I saw myself, as I must appear to others. It was during a text message conversation with someone I am currently mentoring. Before you can understand what I'm trying to say then you have to understand how I mentor.
Mentoring is mostly about intimate relationships. Depending on the circumstances that could take hours, days or weeks. It will never take months because no mentoring relationship could sustain it. I have never seen anyone genuinely seek to be mentored who was not passionately involved in the process and the relationship.
There are a couple of possible reasons for that. Feel free to take your pick: 1) the mentoring relationship forms strong bonds rapidly because it is built upon respect and desire. Every great relationship begins that way. Without a desire for growth then you probably would never seek me out. Without respect - why would you waste your desire with me? 2) Every great mentoring relationship I have known has been imbued with the intangible elements of spirituality.
Perhaps that is why they often grow so mysteriously and inexplicably. It is as though the universe has designed each day in ordered chaos to create a relationship to achieve a greater good. Most begin the process is search of higher ideals or a greater sense of purpose in life. But the results occur when that purpose is discovered in servitude of a greater good.
Finally, mentoring differs from coaching. Coaching teaches you how to fish. Mentoring teaches you how to think like a fish. Which is greater? Neither one if the result is a full basket. Mentoring often picks up where coaching stops. I could coach almost anyone to proficiency in photography or video by teaching the basic fundamentals. But no one has ever come to me for mentoring for those reasons. They are always seeking a level of greatness even if they are either too shy to admit it or unaware of their genuine desires.
I enjoy mentoring because it is mostly based in philosophical understandings. I deal almost entirely with people who are either at the latter phase of career excellence or those who are just beginning but have the attributes necessary to move to a more advanced level. The latter group is more rare but, oddly, most likely to seek this form of mentoring. I've never understood that. Perhaps it's because pronounced proficiency in a skill creates the myth that one has no need of growth beyond the daily lessons of daily living.
The first step in mentorship is to discern if the attributes required for success are there. They are primarily passion and desire. I also look for respect. I know that someone who does have respect for the teaching will never overcome the challenges that they will face in the process. There are other factors but those are fundamentals.
Mentorship begins with a sort of "boot camp" in discovering fear. This is done through viewing their portfolio or listening to them talk. I believe that art reveals the artist. If I listen carefully, you will eventually hint at your fear because it will be the one thing you either speak of the most or avoid. If you have a portfolio then it's possible to look at your images and see many of your character traits. It is a fairly simple process requiring only the desire to see what lies beneath the emulsion.
Thus, if how we think influences the way we shoot then it's possible to trace backwards from the images. Most of our character traits, hopes, dreams and fears can be seen in the subtle ways we frame the world in a viewfinder. I have used this technique many times and it has been accurate more than 95 percent of the time - possibly more because some fears are so deeply layered in denial that it could take months to gain realization that they exist.
Something similar happened once during a portfolio review I did for a student. I told her what I saw in her images and in her life. She became somewhat defiant and insisted I was wrong. I calmed her down and said, "Of course. I'm sorry. I'm not always right," even though I was fairly certain of it. I would never argue with someone about his or her life experience. Even if you're correct you could create further harm. So, I let it go.
She was still troubled 15 minutes later and I noticed that she had become quiet and pensive. I stopped speaking, looked at her and asked if she was okay. She began to cry and apologized to me. She said it was true. I had identified her greatest fear. She explained that it was something she had struggle with her entire life. We spent the rest of our time together discussing ways that the fear could be fought.
But why the interest in someone's fear? It seems almost cruel. In fact, recently, someone I had been mentoring for just a couple of days said to me that I was being unfair. But then she asked, "Or is that simply a first reaction to my fear?" Questions like that tell me she is ready for growth. And yes, she was correct. We would all feel it was unfair.
Finding fear is the most important part of the process because our irrational fears are the great destroyer of our vast potential. It is a slow cancerous decay that consumes our dreams. We all have fears - including me. In fact, I have many of them but my respect for the damage they can inflict in my life compels me to do all I can to fight them.
I fear my own fears so deeply that I limit discussions of them only for the purpose of edification. If I believe my battle will inspire you then I will take the risk and feel the cold steel of the beast rake down my spine and pretend it is the nail of a lover. And that isn't too far from the truth of all fear. I assure you that most of our fears are kept like a mistress. But, if we delve deep enough we will discover the prideful display of a hidden pleasure. We love what we should despise. How can I say this? Because when I encounter my own fears, invariably they are cloaked in the finery of false purity. Yet, one scratch across their surface reveals the cheap lacquer of an effigy.
Fear that limits our logic and perception and takes a stance between us and the greater good has become our cultural anti-God rising from guilt-infused and introverted mediocrity whose name is silently spoken in reverent disdain. If you want to find fear then look for it among the praise we seek because it is almost always a distortion of pride.
But I have often believed that people can be divided into four groups in relation to fear: 1) those who understand their fears and fight it 2) People who know their fears but refuse to fight 3) Those that are unaware of their fears but are willing to learn what they are so they can fight them 4) Those who neither see their fears nor wish to learn of them.
I hate to place those groups in order because it implies that one is better than another. That is not necessarily true. We are a highly adaptable species and it is possible to create mechanisms within each group that provide for a successful and fulfilled life. However, in the realm of greatness there is only one group of people with any serious chance of making it - those who recognize fear and fight it.
Notice that I am using the word fight rather than abolish or conquer. The reasons for this are plentiful but it is mostly because there are fears that serve us in one moment and destroy us in another and there are others that are pervasive and omniscient. Trying to abolish the latter is usually futile and costly. An entire life can be wasted in the effort.
But fear does not have to be eliminated in order for us to achieve our goals. If we can simply push it aside long enough to realize our desires then we have effectively won the battle. The apostle Paul said it best in the Bible when he spoke of his weakness. It was grace that freed him to the most powerful knowledge and he wrote, "For when I am weak then I am strong." Thus the destruction of fear is not the goal but rather recognition of its power within us.
The only problems I have encountered with people concerning this are those who insist upon its worthiness. Perhaps it is at various times in our lives simply because the challenge of extreme change might be worse than suffering the risk of losing years of potential. Unfortunately there is a time and place in all mentoring where I am no longer "needed."
Interestingly my relationship with my wife began as a mentoring process of sorts. Like everyone else, I recognized her fears early in our relationship and I remember a conversation we had once. Her early mentoring had brought huge results in her life.
But one day, as we discussed her progress it had become clearly time for her to "move to the next level." "Unfortunately," I added, "You are not ready." She argued with me and became frustrated that I would not "take her there." But I knew I could not. Her greatest fear still loomed before her and even though she was slowly recognizing its face it was apparently deeply intimidating. I knew I could do no more but love her as she was. Life would be her instructor and I vowed, through marriage and a loving partnership to walk those years with her.
It took another ten years and, in my opinion, an amazing loss of time and potential from us both, before life itself taught her the need to fight what she already knew was a slow decay a decade earlier. So, discovering fear is vital to the process and as a human being with my own frailties and need to grow - I do not have time to invest in a process that demands a relentless fight if the one I seek to grow with either can't see it or won't do it.
The last three mentoring relationships I was involved in were intimate - as they must be. It is a difficult process and, if done right, fosters lasting friendships. (And, for those who may struggle with the word "intimacy" please note that they are many forms of intimacy that has nothing to do with sex) One became the brother I never had. And though another decided after months of relationship that the path he was on was not what he wanted, I still think of him with tender fondness.
And another walked through life with me for more than two and a half years. She is an amazing and powerful woman filled with a wisdom that belies her years and imbued with a beauty within that is both engaging and charming as it is deeply challenging at times. In all three I saw great promise and none have disappointed. Their growth astonished me daily.
The credit I will give to myself is only that I was there at the apex of magnificent and beautiful changes within each. I no longer am actively involved in their daily lives. Each has gone on to their measure of success. It is difficult to let go. It is my hope that whatever influence I had in the brief time with each of them will serve them for decades to come. I would desire to say it is an absolute truth but time is a cruel teacher for the prideful. I'd rather avoid it.
Of course, no mentoring ever ends completely, even those that end locked in "unbeatable" fear, because intimate relationships are not forgotten or dismissed. Mentoring is simply an active involvement in someone's life in ways they need it most. It is also a mutual growth. I am often mentored by the protégé. Though distance and time may keep us apart we are locked together for eternity by the choices we made to become partners in the ever-present battle against fear in order to win hearts and minds through our weakness and vulnerability.
But this morning I saw how difficult it must be as I read my text message to the latest "seeker." It was the proverbial "I know I probably don't make any sense" moment. I was almost embarrassed at how ridiculously bizarre my writing was. People have called me "crazy" throughout my entire career. It doesn't offend me but, my thoughts are usually, "if this is crazy" I want more crazy like this. In other words, I lighten my own load and strengthen belief in my process by focusing on the fish in my basket. Another cliché fits in this place - "if it ain't broke - don't fix it."
So I read the text carefully - several times actually, and realized something I never pause to notice. Almost every word spoke a powerful truth drawn from 30+ years of a career and the only reason it would be hard to understand is if you don't know me. The more people come to know me the less riddle and mystery they see. In fact, I sometimes feel that my closest friends see no mystery at all.
But, if there is anything to be learned in life regarding anyone you choose to be in your life - there is an infinite mystery to all. Find a better telescope, microscope or lens and take a more careful look - if they will let you and find it surprising how few desire that depth. I would desire nothing less than to probe as deeply into the heart and mind of my closest friends as possible.
After thinking about the words, thoughts and comments I had typed this morning I saw one more thing. Each comment was directed at a fear. I felt a little guilty that I had been so relentless - so unremitting and oppressively intrusive. But I also knew it was necessary. I will probe, prod, poke, exacerbate, challenge, scratch, pull or tug at those fears until you become immune to your own fear. It is no different than a soldier in boot camp - the drill sergeant pushing the limits of physical, metal and emotional endurance to prepare one for the vicious extremes of war. I assure you that drill sergeants have saved more lives than the billions spent on weaponry.
Mentoring is a carefully structured process designed to provide the skills and information to combat fear for the purpose of attaining new levels of human potential so that we can better serve the goal of changing our world for good through the methodology of personal awareness. That's a mouthful but it's fairly accurate.
It's my hope that through this writing each of us will examine not only our process of change but also the fears that seek to keep us mired in mediocrity. Much of what has been written here is the universal attributes of anyone seeking greater enlightenment and new levels of potential. Bringing changes in our life that directly confront our most vulnerable fears is never easy but it is essential. I never feel bad for the discomfort I bring to some because I know the fears I probe have already created deep wounds and it will continue its assault so slowly most never realize it until decades have been lost.
And truthfully, that is really all I can do for anyone. I do not create their successes anymore than I do their failures. The most I can do is to provide a better route to where you were going anyway. Thus, with any hope, together we can accomplish in six months grow that might have taken you six years or more. And on really good days we may peel back the face of time and see eternity.
I am fairly transparent, meaning that I'm daring enough or willing enough to share my feelings about almost anything. I'm not ashamed to feel like the fool for I have grown accustomed to that over the years. Nor do I shy from criticism for the world of the achiever is filled with critics. But, like anyone, I have my fair share of secrets. I like to think that I have fewer than most but on some days I wonder if it is the quantity of secrets or their quality that matters most.
I also hate MySpace blog "tags" where a friend tags you with a shopping list of writing items. I've always consider such things amusing but pedantic - sort of like adding M&Ms and Oreos to your drug store chocolate sundae.
But I must admit that my friend Elizabeth (characteristically) rose above all when she admitted to the world her enjoyment of sex and masturbation. That was a new level in transparency I've never encountered. Kudos. Then, another friend, Carolyn, responded with her own "10 Things" blog and I am now feeling the pressure to respond in kind.
I will do it but if you're waiting for me to match the Elizabethan level of masturbatory revelations I bow to the queen, Ms. Elizabeth - that is her forte and she deserves the crown.
1) I suspect that I qualify as a hermit. I do not like leaving my house mostly because I despise driving. I love the "destination" but getting there is so stressful for me that I am almost always late for everything because I forebodingly anticipate the traffic.
2) I never have enough time for anything but I make time for damn near everything. I have so many demands on me that I have lost almost all sense of what it means to relax and "let go." This didn't happen over night and isn't solved by people telling me to take some time off. That is as useless to me as expecting someone with the flu to quit "fevering." I take time to spend with friends or family but I realize that every moment spent is a moment I will be forced to recover time "lost." My fear is if people know this truth about me then they will fear "bothering" me. You aren't bothering me.
3) I don't base my life on astrology but if you'd like to know more about me just read about my "sign." I am about as Libra as a Libra can be. I can't explain that in any rationale way. But for all the nay sayers who claim that such things are generic enough that could apply to anyone - I can assure you that I've read the attributes of the other signs and they don't even come close to describing me. But practically everything I've read about Libras has always eerily described my life. You explain it. I can't. And I don't even try.
4) I have suffered from PTSD for a very long time and this is my first public acknowledgment of it. Fortunately I taught myself a lot of coping skills for how to manage it. I refer to my PTSD as "Angelic Demons." I made a pact with "them" many years ago. It's pretty simple. I don't mess with them and they don't mess with me. That's one reason why I am reluctant to tell all that I have seen and experienced. There are sights, sounds and smells so horrific in war that I feel sure God never intended anyone to experience them. In that sense I feel I have stepped into a place beyond mortality. I can only pray that what I brought back messages in words and photos that made a difference for good. I like to believe that my journeys were an attempt to build a better world for those that would follow behind me - most importantly, my own children. Realistically I know that I am trying to assuage my feelings of guilt that I did not do more. War still lives among us and within us.
5) I created an underground cartoon newsletter that I sold for five cents each at my junior high school.
6) I won 4th place at the International Science Fair with my study and explanation for drownings at a lake near my hometown. I called the project, "Investigation and Exploration of the Fort Phantom Drownings" and it lead to a meeting with county officials asking me, a 16-year-old, what should be done to prevent future drownings. I gave them a list of ideas based on my explanations and a few years later they instituted some of them. Drownings subsided substantially over the next three decades.
How was it done? I studied 20 plus years of newspaper reports about the drownings and an inordinate amount of folks mentioned an undertow. For some reason I decided to check date from the national weather service and discovered a direct correlation between deaths and wind speeds. Almost every death followed a sudden drop in high wind speeds. I built a scale model of the lake and using dyes I "discovered" that lakes rise on the leeward shore and drop on the windward shore during high winds creating a current following a sudden drop in wind speed as the leeward side plummeted back to level - in this case, creating an undertow. Later I learned that scientists had already discovered this phenomena.
7) I decorated my room with National Geographic maps and placed a banner across them that read, "Around the World with David." How embarrassing. Yet, interestingly I did travel the world - more than 60 countries in 20 years.
8) My mother would not allow military recruiters to speak with me on the phone. She was terrified I would be drafted for Vietnam. The war ended just as I became of age for the draft. Little did my mother know that I was destined to go to war anyway for a period of more than 20 years.
9) A friend and I once rode our bikes 163 miles from Abilene to Gatesville, Texas and back. That doesn't seem too amazing until you hear that I was only 13-years-old and my friend was only 12. Better still is that my folks sent me with only ten dollars in cash (approximately 20 bucks in today's currency) and we traveled the notoriously dangerous highway 36 with no shoulders and tons of 18-wheeler traffic. On day two of our two day journey I was run off the road by a truck and wrecked my wheel. With no spare I was forced to carry my bike the rest of the way to the next small town where miraculously we found a bike shop who was willing to give me a replacement for free since I had no cash (we spent it on a motel room after getting the inn keeper to accept whatever cash we had on us.)
10) I'm like you. I am yet another person filled with amazing stories of life, love, passion and desire. Some of us are reticent to share and some are more daring and courageous but we are essentially alike in more ways than most of us realize. And that is how I see myself. It is my failure and success at once. In one moment I am no more than you and in the next I am no less.
Imagine if we could restart our lives. What would we be today? My guess is that we'd probably look a lot like who we are today - maybe a tad better, maybe a tad worse, maybe writing a list of "10 Things" late at night.
Trailer 3 of AT WAR features the music of P. W. Long. His soulful rock was the perfect background to the chaos of war. AT WAR is the most difficult project of my entire career. That is in large part due to the demands of a topic that requires us to delve deep into our own humanity - war itself.
War has been a part of human culture since the beginning of ages. It is eternal and relevant. Most of us misunderstand the relevance because we know it only by the scant, though shocking, headlines of the day. War is far more than that and we know it somewhere within the inner recess of our being. But do we understand it?
That's the question I seek to answer as I slowly guide this film through editing. Scott Kesterson has provided me with a wealth of stunning imagery. It ranges from the brutally chaotic to simple mirth. This film, as a result could become anything I desire. But, the challenge that keeps me vigilant is the challenge of truth.
At the moment, I can hear it whisper. I know much of what it is saying to me because I've been there and suffered innumerable sleepless nights from the images that remain in my heart, mind and soul. But is it possible, I wonder, to create a document of images, audio, music and motion that could take us all on a journey through the gate of war?
I think so. I hope so. The world is in need of it. Nothing can equal the sobriety of unvarnished truth. Scott did his part. Now it's my turn. I know you wish me the best. Thank you.
After a few weeks of hell - trailer 2 is completed. This one was far harder to accomplish than the first trailer because it hits emotions and feelings that are more subtle than the obvious elements of war in trailer 1. Trailer 2 presents the sights, sounds and feelings of war - a chaos of passion, blended with humanity, that are often ignored.
Some of you are aware that I have been working with Scott Kesterson (see my top friends) for nearly two years in the creation of a feature length film about the war in Afghanistan.
Scott and I are in current production of the film and this is the first trailer. I thought you would enjoy seeing it.
By the way - you can subscribe to our production blogs at: www.atwarfilm.com
Sorry for my absence. I've been more than a tad distracted by life events - beyond this film.
What do I want? I look up at my hand outstretched into the darkness, silhouetted against the ceiling and imagine a magic wand. I've envisioned it so many times that I can spot the fingerprints of previous visits on its silver collar. But it has never worked quite like I want.
It makes me think of those days in the early 80's when I would lie sleepless in my bed and try to discover the reasons for my failures. These were not ordinary failures. I knew a world existed just outside the ability of my camera to record it. I called it "something beneath the emulsion" and I longed to know more of its origin.
I saw myself like a monkey in a cage fumbling with a simple lock that would grant freedom if only moved in the right direction. And I was also the figure of a god watching with greater intellect, willing the monkey to success. Somewhere there existed something more and I would find it – somehow.
That was the beginning of my self-portraiture, an earnest attempt to understand the magic of the creative process. It was in those days that I pulled out a dull blade and began whittling the wand I wield tonight. But it still doesn't work quite right. If it did, the world would be transformed at once. Instead, it is only good for one life at a time. I'll work harder.
What do I want? I want to reach my hands into the night and grasp the essence of dreams. It feels like clay in my hands and I try to work it into a beautiful new world. This is the joy of passion to exist in creation as though we were never anything other than who we have always been yet never as much as we will one day become. This is my silent place. Who can enter here but those who have already been? This is my moment - easily lost if not noticed - in the middle of night. We are at our greatest when we are within our moments. Can you find yours today?
We spend more time agonizing over a bin of ripe tomatoes or cantaloupes than we do finding our best "ripe" moments in life. Yet the process is the same. We choose. So, choose well, for the flavor of the dinner will rest in the hands of the cook. This is your banquet. It will be as fine as you desire.
If it is right, it will exist like love. For me, it is like the sound of a lovers voice and the way it lifts me to new understandings with each syllable. I want to know it as easily as I know the chemistry between lovers yet subtle enough that no one knows but me - and love. I want it to be seamless like perfect fabric, a twilight sky, the curvatures of a cumulous cloud or the ripple of waters along the lake shoreline. I want it to exist in dreams as well as it lives in reality.
I want to hear it in the early morning melodies of the dove and in the raucous rapture of a symphonic overture. I want the presence of it to be as easy as the next breath I take and the gratitude for it's being no less than life. Who must work at love but those who have lost sight of what love truly is? Is the creative realm any different?
I glance again at my outstretched arm. I see the silver glint in the moonlight piercing the wood blinds next to my room. Can the light of day do the same? Perhaps so if I learn to use this wand as well as I know the furtive glance of love. Maybe one day I will. Maybe I already have.
Please forgive me for my absence. Life has been a blur of amazing events punctuated by boredom. Things are never as well as they could be yet never as good as they have been. Life is a series of plateaus. We rise and fall like the sun and no day is that same as the other as no thought mimics another. We are unique in this peculiar space of time yet forever the same in our desires.
I am connected tonight to all that we seek and do not realize. You know what that feels like. It is that moment where you shudder at the thought of things unseen and unknown. It is the deep realm of artistic experience where passion seeks its level just as water presses against a damn wanting release. It is the indescribable beauty of being who we are at the moment. It is the wish for a small voice in the deep night to say, "hey" with a wink and an understanding nod. It is that guttural howl of the coyote into a Texas dusk that says, "I am here and alive - and feeling it."
That is the base of the artistic experience to feel every aspect of our passion and desire in a single moment that defies description. Why else do we reach for a camera, or paintbrush other than to speak the unspeakable things? Why else do we lean to a lover's kiss than to say, "I am here and alive - and feeling it."? Why else would we choose to breath, those of us who were born this way, who cannot speak or live outside of the knowledge of something explicably unique within us?
We live at the edge of dreams and fantasy with our feet firmly rooted in the day. I believe, one day we will be known for this amazing skill to navigate the path of passion without losing ourselves within its smoke and ash. We will be known as we are - warriors in a fantastic search for something more. We are the ones willing to risk all in order to know more. We are ultimately silent voices whispered from the dark hoping that our own soul will hear the words. We seek that which we cannot know until we seek it.
I'm smiling as I write because I know that some will read this and be confused. "That man is crazy," some will say. Others will insist there is something more to this and study every word in search of meaning. But there will be those who hear every word and know themselves at the end of my own tongue.
If you wonder how these images are made - look no further than these sentences, for within them lies the secret to something further in your life. I wish nothing more for you - for me - that, we could be as connected tonight as I am with myself. It is then that we would be known for who are - travelers in a night of passion and desire seeking answers that we find, yet never fully know.
Currently
listening
:
Bring Me the Workhorse
By
My Brightest Diamond
Release date: 11 September, 2006
It's possible I will write more tomorrow about this but I didn't want to hesitate getting this video to you. John Wheeler and I worked the better part of 10 days in editing this documentary/art piece. I hope you enjoy it.
Kudos to my wife Kim and John for their excellent video and for the other two members of the crew - Josh and Elizabeth. I couldn't have done it without them.
The rain began to fall on the flat stones of the walkway that leads to my front door. It landed in the chaotic order only nature and art can assemble. I watched from my front window as daylight, reflecting the grey sky above, turned each drop into shimmering pools of mercury. As the rain fell harder, the stones were transformed into shining plates of silver.
I was on the phone at the time, speaking with a dear friend, and interrupted our conversation to describe the scene. Some things should not be missed. Breaking from an intense discussion long enough to acknowledge a few raindrops became a metaphor for me of how we should live. We become ensnared by life as we believe it should be rather than acknowledging life as it is. Somewhere in the struggle between those worlds we lose fleeting moments of grace that give meaning and purpose to all.
Many hours later, I sit alone, listening to Gregorian chants deep into the early morning night as a low rumble of thunder echos against the pane of windows behind me. I have an appointment at 10 am so I will need to be awake in less than three hours. So, why am I here writing instead of sleeping? Some things are worth more to me than rest. If we desire more in our life, then we must find enough desire to be more. We can close our eyes for ten minutes and lose a dozen moments. For within every breath there is opportunity to be more today than you were the day before. Desire dictates how much you will find.
I know I will be exhausted in the morning, but I also know that not responding to the call of passion exacts a more heavy price over time. It is easy to become lazy in our pursuit of art because we are lulled into a belief that it will always wait for us. Yet art is like love. If we do not nurture it, how can we expect to fully experience it? Moments are like this too. If we do not acknowledge, seek and seize them - celebrate them, then how can we possibly expect to express them in our art? How can we expect to fully recognize them anywhere at any time?
I think we have bought a lie. Art looks simple. Our culture often regards art as something done only by people with nothing more to do than doodle and play. Artists are often seen as lazy and undisciplined yet my experience has been that the best are often the most fearless and dedicated of anyone I've met. They are relentless in their pursuit and driven by a single-minded belief that their path is right and true. And, if they eventually discover they were wrong - they revel in their sorrows for it was their best choice.
For all art is driven by the celebration or search for love in our life. Thus, we can never be fully mislead. If I have love, I know it. If I do not, I seek it. Joy is the only difference between those worlds. I have known both ways and I prefer the former. This is the world of the muse who makes the search for meaning and purpose more meaningful and purposeful in life, who grants joy in our passing with a single kiss. For anyone who has known love knows that there is a vision found within its grasp that cannot be found any other way.
I feel I am rambling and inept tonight. It is not simply because I am fighting fatigue. It is because I am struggling with things so deeply complex in their simplicity that I fear speaking the wrong words. It is easy to be misunderstood in the world I have chosen, one that pits me against the common ways. But, in the end, it is as simple as marveling at rain upon my walkway.
That is the struggle we face. At some point, if we desire more greatness in our life, we must all decide what matters most to our life. It is the language of desire that we need as much as passion and love. They are a triad of truth. But, they can exist only in freedom and they prevail only when our freedom is used to serve others. Thus art, an artistic existence, is a pursuit worthy of the precious gift of life.
If you love someone today, then speak it freely. I live the things I speak. That is why I am here, facing a difficult day, because I have already given much of it to you. That is why I walked into my studio tonight, with no plan in mind but to be vulnerable to whatever might come my way. I wasn't feeling any deep inspiration. In fact, I mostly felt loneliness and fear. But desire led me before my camera just to see what I might find if I set my life aside long enough to acknowledge the possibility of something greater.
And, thus, how is that any different than stopping a conversation to celebrate the beauty of the falling rain? True passion never considers consequence nor does desire measure boundaries for each are required for love to reign in our life. If we must find prejudice in our daily decisions then let it be for love. Let it nourish your soul with all the intensity of a thunderstorm among gentle drops of silver so that we may all be transformed by the unseen alchemist within.
Currently
listening
:
Stella Maris
By
Trio Mediaeval
Release date: 06 October, 2005
