Movie Review: THE FOOD OF THE GODS (1976)
Current mood: restless
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
THE FOOD OF THE GODS (1976)
DIRECTED BY Bert I. Gordon
STARRING Marjoe Gortner - Morgan Pamela Franklin - Lorna Scott Ralph Meeker - Jack Bensington Jon Cypher - Brian Ida Lupino - Mrs. Skinner John McLiam - Mr. Skinner Belinda Balaski - Rita Tom Stovall - Thomas Chuck Courtney - Davis
Genre - Science Fiction/Horror/Cult
Running Time - 88 Minutes
Score - 2 Howls Outta 4
..
I had a very bad dream last night. Bare with me - this one may frighten and it's not for the weak of heart.
It started with me walking through some dark woods where I encountered a white substance that looked like pudding bubbling from the earth. I thought nothing of it at first, until I noticed that the wildlife around this substance had all evolved into giant creatures. I mean, giant wasps, giant rats, giant everything! Before they could attack me, I ran away hoping to find a safe spot to hide. I noticed two fleshed colored trees, so I decided to climb one. I thought I was okay, but then I saw above me giant mice creatures dangling from hairy vines to grab me and eat me alive! I quickly climbed back down and ran away from these trees, looking up in horror to see that they were trees at all. They were a pair of giant legs belonging to a giant woman carrying a giant dog in her giant purse. Oh my God...I was looking up at a giant Paris Hilton! And before her crabs could do harm to me, I woke up in a pool of my own sweat. It was only a dream. Just a bad dream.
But what if your worst nightmare could come true? What if there is a white substance that, if ingested, could make all life grow to monsterous levels? Can you imagine a giant Amy Winehouse snorting all of us into her mucus-infested nose just so she could get high? Or a giant Heidi and Spencer doing absolutely nothing like they do at normal size? God, just thinking about it adds a few more white hairs to my scalp! If real life was like H.G. Well's THE FOOD OF THE GODS, it could happen.
STARRING Rey Misterio Sr. - El Mascarado Irwin Keyes - Stranger Adam Huss - Alphonse Leyla Milani - Dallas Margaret Scarborough - Debbie Jeremy Radin - Steve Catherine Wreford - Daisy Zack Bennett - Jimbo
Genre - Horror/Slasher
Running Time - 73 Minutes
Score - 2.5 Howls Outta 4
..
Time and time again, I've made it known that I love the horror genre. It entertains me to no end. But I also love professional wrestling too. Wrestling has been a part of my life since I can remember, remembering fondly the days of Rock 'N' Roll Wrestling where Hulk Hogan and Mr. T would do battle with Rowdy Roddy Piper and Mr. Wonderful Paul Orndoff and Cyndi Lauper would exchange words and blows with The Fabolous Moolah. I've stayed with wrestling throughout the years for the good [Stone Cold Steve Austin, The Rock, DX] and for the bad [Katie Vick, HHH hogging the spotlight, Trish Stratus leaving :(, JBL wrestling period], still entertained with our beloved scripted sport every Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday night.
So it was quite a surprise after reading a review on Fatally-Yours about a horror film involving a homicidal Mexican luchador that was being praised called WRESTLEMANIAC. It was like the best of both worlds - a wrestler who kills? That's awesome - only if it's fictional. The less we talk about that Canadian guy, the better. But seriously, I was very interested in the movie for the merging of these two separate things alone.
I had it in my Netflix queue for a while but got a chance to watch it out of Netflix after one of my cousins lent it to me, wanting me to rip the film apart - WTF? Vault style. I told myself that it couldn't be that bad. But then I remember telling myself the same thing about DO YOU WANNA KNOW A SECRET? and look how well that turned out. So I went in with very low expectations and I came out actually surprised that it wasn't as bad as my cousin made it out to be. WRESTLEMANIAC isn't a great film but it's not a horrible film either. Still I was slightly disappointed that the film pretty much "calls it down the middle", not really re-inventing the genre but not doing anything to make it stand out from the rest. Let's see why WRESTLEMANIAC isn't worth getting expensive ringside seats over.
Baaaaaaaa...
Current mood: enlightened
Category: Blogging
Before going to bed last night, I received an email that was pretty cool: Full Moon Reviews is now a member of L.A.M.B., the Large Association of Movie Blogs! I'm the 169th member [figures the number would be psuedo-sexual as far as I'm concerned] and the first movie blog entered for September, which is neat. So check out the L.A.M.B. entry and if you have a blogger account, add a comment telling everyone how awesome my site is [and you know it's awesome...don't be in denial LOL].
The 250th Blog & The WTF? Worst Films Extravaganza Presents: DO YOU WANNA KNOW A SECRET? (2001)
Current mood: pissed off
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
Yes, my friends. This is my 250th blog on MySpace. A very proud moment indeed. Thanks to all of you for helping me make it this far. I look forward to the 300th one soon.
That's not the only cause to celebrate. In my last blog for MANIAC ON THE LOOSE, the 5000th comment was posted. And the person who made that milestone possible is none other than the awesome The Angry Movie Critic! Give the man a hand!
Now AMC, I promised you a prize for being the 5000th comment. And I did not disappoint. I searched high and low, far and wide for this prize for you. And I think you'll enjoy it. So here it is:
"THE VERY BEST OF DAVID HASSELHOFF" CD!!!
It features songs such as...um...and then there's...uh...
Is the Knight Rider theme on here? No? What about Baywatch? ...Baywatch Nights? ...America's Got Talent!!?? Oh geez...
Um...I'm sure you can use it as a coaster, bro. Congrats, my friend!!
Now here's a WTF? Review for a film whose DVD had no special features at all. That should have shown me how bad this was gonna be. Ugh... -----------------------------------------------------------
DO YOU WANNA KNOW A SECRET? (2001)
DIRECTED BY Thomas Bradford
STARRING Dorie Barton - Beth Morgan Joseph Lawrence - Hank Ford Jeff Conaway - Agent Owen Sacker Tom Jay Jones - Oz Washington Chad Allen - Brad Adams Leonora Scelfo - Tina Webster Elsie Escobar - Nellie Lopez Britton Purvis - Tom Barton
Genre - Horror/Slasher/Mystery
Running Time - 96 Minutes
Score - BOMB
Being a member of Netflix, I'm always greeted by a series of recommendations for films that are similar to the ones I have in my queue or have rated. Since my number one genre on Netflix is horror, I get tons of recommendations for films I have never heard of in my life. It's pretty awesome I think because I'm always looking for new stuff, but I usually don't bother researching these recommendations or even adding them to my queue.
The other day, however, I actually added one of these recommendations in my queue called DO YOU WANNA KNOW A SECRET?. What compelled me to add this film, I have no idea. It had so many things going against it that should have stopped me from doing so.
1. It's a slasher flick from the early 2000s.
2. It has Joey, I'm sorry, JOSEPH Lawrence from Blossom and Chad Allen from My Two Dads in it. Yeah...
3. A sober Jeff Conaway is playing a cop. If he ain't going through withdrawal, he's not worth my time.
4. The plot sounds eerily similar to another slasher flick from the late 1990s. This can't be good.
Still, I put it to the top of my queue and watched it last night, hoping that it would surprise me. Let me ask you a question: DO YOU WANNA KNOW A SECRET?
(looks from left to right to make sure no one listens)
This movie sucks harder than Sienna Miller on Balthazar Getty's dick. Surprise!
Movie Review: MANIAC ON THE LOOSE (2008)
Current mood: drained
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
I have three things to say:
1. For those who are seeing DISASTER MOVIE to review it, I feel really sorry for you. For those who are seeing DISASTER MOVIE because you want to, I hope you suffer for 90 minutes.
2. The next blog is the 250th. Will definitely be up this holiday weekend.
3. Will the 5000th comment happen in this blog? Possibly. We'll see.
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DIRECTED BY Steve Hudgins
STARRING Nick Faust - Dr. Franklin Grimm Steve Hudgins - Max Randy Hardesty - Alex Jessica Cook - Melissa PJ Woodside - Dr. Lewis Tom Dolan - Ryan
Genre - Horror/Serial Killers/Independent
Running Time - 94 Minutes
Score - 3.5 Howls Outta 4
Whenever I get sent a screener for some independent film, I get a bit apprehensive. I mean, a majority of them that I've seen aren't really all that good. Hell, they're downright terrible. When Sarah [Fatally Yours] offered her staff of writers screeners to pick from a while back, I wanted to pick a film that sounded like it could be decent. That's when I saw MANIAC ON THE LOOSE on the list and decided, "Hey it sounds cool. Maybe it'll be good." So I requested it and days later, I received it through the mail.
After opening the package, I found a note from the production company, Big Biting Pig Productions, telling me not to reveal any of the twists and plot devices in the film. I was like, "Oh no, this film is trying to be THE USUAL SUSPECTS. This can not be good." So I went in watching with low expectations - only to be surprised that MANIAC ON THE LOOSE is a pretty good indie horror flick! Who knew?
restless
tired
enlightened
pissed off
drained
