Oscars 2008
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities

For the first time in quizás (spanish for "perhaps" -- I like it because it sounds like "kiss-ass") forever I have seen every movie nominated for best picture.  My favorite one is probably Juno, with There Will Be Blood a close second.  Love that macabre shit, and I have yet to see a film with Daniel Day-Lewis that wasn't captivating.

Tommy Lee Jones' role in No Country for Old Men was noticeably remarkable as well.  He got a nomination for In the Valley of Elah, and deservedly so, but I was still more impressed with him in No Country...

Michael Calyton was good, not Oscar-worthy in my opinion.  Atonement had some great cinematography and what I would consider a surprise ending, but again not Oscar-winning material.

Anyway, my picks:

Best Picture:  There Will Be Blood
Actor/actress in a leading role:  Daniel Day-Lewis, Ellen Page
Actor/actress in a supporting role:  Javier Bardem, Ruby Dee
Directing:  Ethan and Joel Coen, No Country for Old Men
Writing (Original Screenplay):  Juno

And who gives a flying fuck about the other categories.

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2008 Adult Moie Awards Highlights
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities

Most Outrageous Sex Scene
Actor(s): Cindy Crawford, Rick Masters & Audrey Hollander
Scene: "There are Some Things Even an Asshole Shouldn't Attempt"
Title: Ass Blasting Felching Anal Whores
Company: Powersville/JM

Best Specialty Series - Other Genre
Title: Jack's Leg Show
Company: Digital Playground

Best Interracial Series
Title:  My Daughter's Fucking Blackzilla
Company:  Hush Hush Entertainment

Best Foreign All-Sex Series
Title:  Ass Jazz
Company:   Buttman Magazine Choice/Evil Angel

Best Foot Fetish Release
Title: Stiletto
Company:  Penthouse Digital Media/Pulse

Best Ethnic-Themed Release - Black
Title:  Big Black Wet Butts 7
Company:  Evasive Angles Entertainment

7:50 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

NS-2008.1
Category: Life

I'm going to bring back lunchboxes. Voltron lunchboxes, which I will carry
with me on the subway.

Prescription helmets will be the fashion rage of 2008.

They say math is the universal language and love is the international language, so threesomes with aliens should pretty much cover everything.

In matters of romance I think inside the box.

I'm only happy when it rains so the color of my blues is sunshine yellow.

A picture paints a thousand words? If you're interested in words you should try BOOKS.

My safety phrase is "get the fuck out of my room you goddamned daffy whore."

Does use of the word "pedantic" arbitrarily make you pedantic?

In the Justice League Batman and Wonderwoman are a couple, so does that mean Bruce Wayne is on heroine?

Where would you go to look up another word for thesaurus?

The blooper reel on the Passion of the Christ DVD is side-splittingly hilarious.

I've invented an extra-extra-extra-crunchy peanut butter, called peanuts.

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Goals 2008
Category: Life

Learn Spanish or Chinese or Latin, not fluently, just enough to get by
Give up sweets
Blog/write more
See more live shows
Be more social in general
Be more philanthropic
Get more va-j-j
See if I can become a functional cocaine addict
Exercise daily
Get Jessica Alba's younger sister pregnant (does Jessica Alba have a younger sister?)
More Sudoku, more crossword puzzles
Study for more technical certifications to bring home more bling
Get my own apartment

4:48 AM - 5 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

2007: Recap
Category: Life

Boner(s) of the year: a one-legged Rose McGowan, Keri Russell (guess which pie of hers I'm most interested in -- Waitress inside joke), Claire Shipman

Worst movies: Spider-Man 3, Pirates of the Carribean 3

Best DVD's rented: Reno 911: Miami, Planet Terror/Death Proof, Blood Diamond, Children of Men, Transformers, The Bourne Ultimatum, Halloween, and some I'm probably forgetting. If you have reco's by all means share.

Best thing I saw live: a homeless black man wearing a Statue of Liberty crown visor who traverses Broadway near my building with a shopping cart, totally plowing into and over people. If you realized how aggravating it is to be stuck behind a slow-goer talking on a cell phone in this city you'd understand my joy. A co-worker told me he once had a broom handle protruding from the front of it but the cops made him remove it. Dog bless that man.

Hottest couple:  Regis & Kelly

Best live shows: far and away, A Place to Bury Strangers freaked me the fuck out. Also enjoyed The Comas, Tegan and Sara, The Black Angels, Emma Pollock, Tegan and Sara, Mates of State (free show). Noticeably missing: The Jesus and Mary Chain. I caught the first performance of their reunion tour or whatever it was and they really phoned it in.

Most provocative song:  M.I.A.'s $20 -- New Order Blue Monday sample with the Pixies' Where is My Mind lyrics.  Caligula eat your heart out.

Funniest news item: A politician in India was standing on his balcony when he was attacked by monkeys and plummeted to his death. Oh, a shiny sixpence for that YouTube clip.

Dumbest thing I've done: passed out drunk on the G train and woke up on a platform bench in Astoria.

Smartest thing I've done: hauled my carcass out of the South. Louisianians: life is much better elsewhere.

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Favorite Albums 2007
Category: Music

1. Of Montreal - Hissing Fauna, Are You the Destroyer?
2. A Place to Bury Strangers - A Place to Bury Strangers
3. Emma Pollock -- Watch the Fireworks
4. The Shins - Wincing the Night Away
5. Blonde Redhead – 23
6. M.I.A. – Kala
7. Dinosaur Jr. – Beyond
8. Blitzen Trapper – Wild Mountain Nation
9. LCD Soundsystem - Sound of Silver
10. Radiohead – In Rainbows
11. The Editors – An End Has A Start
12. Klaxons - Myths of the Near Future
13. The Bird and the Bee - The Bird and the Bee
14. Charlotte Hatherley – The Deep Blue
15. Soft – Gone Faded
16. New Pornographers - Challengers
17. British Sea Power - Krankenhaus EP
18. Thurston -- Trees Outside the Academy
19. Enon -- Grass Geysers… Carbon Clouds
20. Maps - We Can Create
21. Saturday Looks Goot to Me – Fill Up the Room
22. Band of Bees – Octopus
23. The Go! Team – Proof of Youth
24. MGMT -- Oracular Spectacular
25. Pinback -- Autumn of the Seraphs
26. Drakes Hotel – Tell Me Everything
27. The Comas - Spells
28. The Arcade Fire - Neon Bible
29. Okkervil River – The Stage Names
30. The Fields – Everything Last Winter
31. The Ponys - Turn the Lights Out, Matador
32. Iron & Wine – Shepherd's Dog
33. The White Stripes – Icky Thump
34. Battles - Mirrored
35. Band of Horses – Cease to Begin
36. The Cinematics - A Strange Education
37. Electrelane - No Shouts, No Calls
38. The Clientele - God Save the Clientele
39. The Cribs – Mens Needs, Womens Needs, Whatever
40. Liars – Liars
41. Bloc Party - A Weekend in the City
42. Yeah Yeah Yeahs – Is Is EP
43. Tegan and Sara - The Con
44. Earlimart – Mentor Tormentor
45. Arthur & Yu – In Camera
46. Eisley - Combinations
47. Calla - Strength in Numbers
48. Deerhoof - Friend Opportunity
49. Black Lips – Good Bad Not Evil
50. The Sea and Cake – Everybody

6:32 AM - 4 Comments - 5 Kudos - Add Comment

NS02
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities

Love in the Time of Cholera seems a redundant title to me.  Herpes in the Time of Chlamydia -- cast Paris as the lead and the masterpiece is complete.

6:40 AM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Concert lamentation
Category: Music

Since I only watch movies via DVD it was only recently that I finally got to see Transformers and Spider-Man 3.   The former was entertaining -- great special effects, I love robots.  The Spider-Man movie was embarrasing.  Love the Sam Raimi, but lame.  Vinegary balls lame.

Black Angels and A Place to Bury Strangers on Wednesday.  Time to get my neo-psych freak on.

The New Pornographers show was a let-down, on my part only.  I got wasted halfway through Emma Pollock's set and don't even remember the NP's.  Does it even count that I saw them in concert if I don't remember it?  Yes, in my book.  I'm just a little "too" for swinging myself around.

12:08 PM - 3 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

N-S 374
Category: Life

(N-S = Non-sequiturs)

Congratulations Louisiana.  Republicanism trumped racism.  Keep the nooses coming though so noone forgets true LA values.

Dumbledore, gay?  Head MASTER!  I wondered why broomsticks were the utility of choice to fly around on.  We all know what his wand smells like.

I bought an elliptical trainer.  My clothes look fantastic hanging from it.

Also got brown bedsheets, just so solid dreams don't show up.

The new Radiohead is grand.  Say what you will, good is good.

I now have a New York non-driver license.  Eat it all other 49 states!

Seeing the New Pornographers on my birthday.  They're playing the show in honor of me.

Coming back from a friend's apartment the other day (at which we got comlpetely stoned) I saw a guy with no legs, hand-stumping his way down the subway car asking for change.  Freaked the fuck out of me.  I probably could have kicked his ass in a fight.

Baseball:  how can everyone be on steroids and the sport STILL be boring as fuck?

6:04 AM - 5 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Just an update
Category: Life

I haven't been blogging much of late because my journaling/chronicling has taken on a more personal nature.  My hope is that I'll gain more growth if I don't have an audience to think about, subconciously or not.

I'm resolved to quit drinking after a horrendous weekend.  I'll just say that.  Laugh if you will (I did.  Fuck, I still am) but I'm going to try (yet again).

Also I've settled into the notion that I'll probably be alone for the better part of my life.  This doesn't necessarily bother me; I'm not taking a woe-is-me approach to this at all.  It can be a good thing.  And it's liberating to accept that you don't have to try to impress anyone or somehow date or feel awkward vacationing and doing other coupley things o solo mio.

Besides, I have a hard enough time carrying on a conversation with myself, much less others.  I'd rather sit back and observe the passers-by.

My new pet project is learning how to say "Get the fuck out of the way!" in ten different languages.

6:09 PM - 6 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

Potter v. iPhone
Category: News and Politics

It'd be simple to label people waiting in lines for hours just for a book or a gadget that can easily be attained at a later date as freaks, sheep and/or lacking lives (how easily I throw stones in my glass house).

And since it is so easy, that's how I codify these people: freaks, sheep, losers.  I codify most people that way though. Low road, hello again.

I could see myself waiting in line for certain concert tickets, but those come on a limited basis.

The final Harry Potter book "drops" while the fifth movie is out.  Were I J.K. Rowlings here's what I'd do:  release the seventh book and seventh movie simultaneously.  Suspense builds like a fever rises, absence makes the heart grow fonder.   Imagine the utter MANIA resulting from the ultimate finale -- nobody knows shit about what happens until the summer of Potter, save the charlatans who feign to have early copies of this and that, which frankly only adds to the theoretical scuttlebut.

It is revealed that Harry Potter has notorious bad hygiene (he is British, after all).  After his first shower in years the lightning bolt just rubs right on out.  They could do an advertising cross-promotion with Jergen's.  The dollars would roll in.

And what a lesson for kids!  Clean yourselves thoroughly children, lest ye be stalked by the evil wizard of grime, Moldemort.  He gonna getcha!

  Sticking Fingers Into Sockets (2007)

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Favorite Albums of 2007: halfway
Category: Music

This is in no particular order, subject and likely to change by year's end. Some of my favorite albums thus far:

Of Montreal - Hissing Fauna, Are You the Destroyer
Charlotte Hatherley – The Deep Blue
New Pornographers – Challengers
The Arcade Fire - Neon Bible
Bloc Party - A Weekend in the City
The Shins - Wincing the Night Away
Blonde Redhead – 23
Tegan and Sara - The Con
Drakes Hotel – Tell Me Everything
Editors – An End Has A Start

Check 'em out afficionados.  Feedback welcomed and encouraged.

8:02 AM - 2 Comments - 1 Kudos - Add Comment

Hot love!
Category: Romance and Relationships

You may or may not have heard about the steam pipe in Manhattan that ruptured Wednesday night, shooting steam out of the ground in excess of 100 mph. On the news it literally looked like a volcano had erupted. One woman died of cardiac arrest and there were several burn injuries. It's a serious matter and tragic, but I, being ever-satirical and a total dick recognized the real story.

Those pipes had been laid over 80 years ago, and finally decided to bust a nut. How could you read a headline saying "Pipe Bursts" and not immediately think of ejaculation? Some people think terrorism, I think infrastructural masturbation.

And what an ejaculation it was! Somewhere Ron Jeremy immediately developed an inferiority complex.  And now Midtown is expecting.  Potency baby!

  Mentor Tormentor (2007)

6:55 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Challengers
Category: Music

Carl Newman is becoimng the new Robert Pollard. His well of music sensibility seems to spring eternal. Pollard, even post-Guided By Voices, releases relentless albums and double albums, each fraught with consistent quality. Newman, main brain of the New Pornographers (of course working with Dan Bejar, Neko Case et. al) has yet to put out material that can't qualify as pop genius while maintaining originality. This is not an easy task considering the gigantic bin of recycled pop prevalently eschewed nowadays.

I've listened to the forthcoming Challengers, and much like Twin Cinema it didn't resonate with me immediately. But, again like Cinema, it's becoming increasingly addictive with every listen.

This year the Pornographers will be playing Webster Hall here in NY on October 24, my birthday. In the words of Chandler Bing, I am so there.

  Challengers (2007)

11:00 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Cartoon
Category: News and Politics

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