fun in funeral!
Current mood: insubordinate
Category: Travel and Places

weird. no category for death. i didn't really want to pick life..travel it is!

anywho we saw one trippy one act  last night. well we saw 4, all about death in some way, but the last one was actually an intense mind teaser on thoughts of death. one that left most of the audience goin 'cool! but...huh?'

made me think. especially when the main character started puzzling such things as 'they will know me. they will know me by the sound of my voice' or 'this moment will pass. i will still be here tomorrow' and 'you can be afraid, i guess. who told you you had to be afraid?'

ghosties and the like. i can't believe they exist.(note: i can't be pushed to believe anything. unless strong PHYSICAL evidence proves otherwise. i am a visual learner.) if you could become such a thing, how could you convince someone, anyone, you were there, besides some crazed nutter who chants and lights candles? personally i hate those people so i'd stay far away from them. and i've had the argument with people why ghosts seem to do 'spooky things' like throw bedsheets and shoes around. or shift chairs. or leave footprints. If i were a dead ghost wanting to make contact i wouldn't make such idiotic things occur. Yes it's very funny to watch ghost hunters and mediums squeal in delight when things shuffle or squeak but that can't possibly be fulfulling. if you're going to be dramatic why not go all the way? throw blood on the walls. write letters. flat out tell people what you want to say. i don't know.

sides, do we even exist after death? no one can prove that to me. one of those see for yourself deals. which, though i am a scientific thinker, i am not going to test any such hypothesis on my own :P sorry. if i die soon .. well...i suppose if i exist, and am a ghost i may talk. i may not. maybe i'll forget the world and move on. maybe i'll just become pure energy and meld with human consciousness. or just one person's consciousness so that they appear to  have multiple personality disorder. hehe.

and of course we're afraid of death. anyone says otherwise is lying. what's the point in not being afraid? you don't know what's coming. you can't. no one can. it's nothing personal, you're just going to die. i'm scared shitless of dying. but then, i'm scared shitless of a lot of things. needles used to freak me out. i wanted to run out the door when i got my lip pierced the first time. i still get jittery when i'm getting one, or a new tattoo. cuz i worry it could go wrong and all other sorts of lovely things. but i do it anyways. just like i'd like to go skydiving. and poke a bear. and slap a foreign president with my undies. things that  you KNOW will have scary consequences. why? because it's adrenaline. it's how i feel alive. i don't know how to make myself feel alive any other way. life gets so mundane with taxes and bills and jobs and people you don't like very much but have to suffer along quietly with. and i'm not in dire poverty, and i'm not so rich i never have to worry about a thing. i'm stuck somewhere in between and have to figure out what living and dying means for myself. and i'll disregard and laugh at anyone who presumes to know what life and death are. cuz you're just as much as an enigma to me as death is to humanity.

well i'm just rambling at this point in time. i think. maybe i make sense. i doubt very much that i do. but you never really need to make sense in a blog so that's nothing to worry about.

10:06 AM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

blog.
Current mood: apathetic

i really do hate writing blogs.

but i can't afford counseling or therapy. and someone or other has my soul already, so religion can't help. (wait..who does have my soul? i recall having finch's and brad's...hmmm...)

sometimes i wish i had religion. or beliefs. i've never fiercely believed in anything. why should i? i've never had reason to. or a need to. what good does praying to some fluffy diety in the clouds do? i'd rather pray to the tooth fairy. least she brings money. then i could go around punching people in the face for donations and call them prayer beads or something.

but then i can see what religion does. there's a group of people holed up in a cave. and their own damn leader can't get them to come out. that's a pretty intent group of believers to ignore their prophet. or the creepy FLDS people down south. brr chi-mos all the way around down there, i'm sure.

maybe i should start my own religion! make more money off of people than the damn scientologists.

YES I HAVE THE ANSWERS

NO I WILL NOT SHARE UNTIL YOU GIVE ME $1000 DOLLARS. PLUS A SANDWICH. AND A PONY.

heh. but alas i have no ambition to do so. i hate humanity anyway; why would i try giving them hope and redemption?

honestly, i just wish i had more faith in myself i suppose. but being pessimistic does that to ya. least i can never be disappointed! life is always gonna suck. i've gotten over that hurdle.

now once i figure out the next hurdle i'll write some lame ass blog again. maybe put it into emo poem form for pure torture and hate-comments.

1:55 PM - 6 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

tiny bite size blog of DOOM
Current mood: distressed
Category: Life

i really wanted to make another rant/whine/complaint blog just to the annoyance of you all

but i can't.  i just feel kinda dead lately. d-e-a-d, not d-e-d. homo depot just drains me like a vampire in a C- movie. bad camera angles and everything.

i get reprieves but not nearly as often as i need.

i need to figure out where to go to school at. where i'd be less miserable i suppose. or even that i want to go back to school cuz i keep saying it hoping it'll be true but yeah. we all know how that works. doesn't work for relationships, certainly won't work for school.

i had a dream i was a cutesy lil 50s housewife. the creepiest part about that dream?

i was fuckin exhilarated.

yeah. me. happy in a suburb, apron and everything.

fuckin crazy, right?

one of the very few times in the past decade i've had a dream where i was happy. most of you know i don't dream too often, and when i do it usually involves death, resurrection, that sort of thing. horrific stuffs.

so what the fuck does that dream mean?

i dunno. all i know is i need some sort of direction toward my life.

and please i know people mean well when they say just do what you want, study things you find interesting, yada yada yada.

well up yours i'm too indecisive to know what the hell to do with myself. i need time to think and that's something i can't have. so i need a new solution.

Currently listening : Noise Floor (Rarities 1998-2005) By Bright Eyes Release date: 24 October, 2006

12:04 PM - 7 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

YAHHHH!!!!!
Current mood: cranky
Category: Romance and Relationships

WHY?

WHY must i attract the crazies??!?

:'(

i realize that i myself am crazy. but what is WITH the crazy stalker dudes lately? i've gotten two, possibly three! YUCKIES

Currently watching : Complete Fullmetal Alchemist DVD Bundle eps 1-51(Volume 1-13+ Movie)

1:10 AM - 6 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

yay beer!
Current mood: lonely
Category: Life

just a quick bulletin that's not totally emo.

just chillin and watchin family guy. slightly tipsy.

and bored.

just decided not to post a bulletin about it. why not blog instead? cuz that's fun.

i met a cool guy tonight and totally did not talk to him. well other than minor small talk.

weird. i'm usually a lot more bold than that. hope i run into him again.

well i'm off to watch some more family guy. night!

Currently watching : Family Guy, Volume 5 Release date: 18 September, 2007

12:17 AM - 4 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

wishing optimism could be possible
Current mood: frustrated

so zach and i broke up.

just gettin tired of being overworked and stressed as shit.

plus now there's definitely no one to cuddle with after a long day.

yechk. no more relationships.

Currently watching : Futurama, Vol. 3 Release date: 09 March, 2004

11:17 PM - 3 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

caption contest!
Current mood: quixotic
Category: Blogging

ok so my buddy brad did this a while ago and i thought it was funny.

all you have to do is put in a comment what you think the caption to this pic should be...

10:34 PM - 8 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

i'll never forget
Current mood: sad
Category: Friends

..> ..>

i love you

i miss you i want to see you again i owe you so much plus some comics and movies you always had it your way i want to follow that way i'll love and miss you forever.

Currently listening : Classic Sinatra By Frank Sinatra Release date: 28 March, 2000

12:41 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

will i ever get there?
Current mood: confused
Category: Life

i don't know that i'll ever get to the point of happiness.

i am starting to wonder if life just likes to taunt me with a few sporadic moments of happiness just to take it away from me cuz i make some stupid choice or find the wrong thing to say.

i've given up hoping a long time ago. now it's time to stop the bitching and stand up and move forward. school's gonna be done and over with soon and summer will be here. and i'll be working like crazy..for what? i don't know. i keep telling people i want to move, and to my parents i say that i'm going to keep on with school. i honestly have no idea which i'll do. i've been recently invited to move with some friends to colorado and that's a very tempting idea...and also someone has come back into my life...also a tempting idea.

i don't know what to do yet. but i will work towards something.

10:16 PM - 9 Comments - 7 Kudos - Add Comment

i used to write poetry...
Current mood: numb
Category: Life

so tell me that it's over

Currently listening : Neon Bible (W/Book) (Dlx) By Arcade Fire Release date: 06 March, 2007

12:04 AM - 1 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment