finally happy....
Current mood: content
Category: Life

hey guys! so i'm finally blogging. i think it's been almost a year since my last blog. so i'll give a mild update.

where should i start?

preston:

my sister had her baby. and i'm taking care of him while she's at work. he's alot of hard work, but he's one of the greatest gifts God has given. he's taugh me about patience,love, and humor. i love him to death. i can honestly say, he's the cutest baby i've ever seen in my life. even when he cries, he's so cute. he dances and now he's starting to sing along to songs. i really hope he got the Bergancia genes and has the ability to sing. hahah. everyone thinks that taking care is an easy job.. it's not. it's pretty damn hard work. when you're tired and wanna take a break, you can't. you have to think of that baby before you even think about what you wanna do around the house, or go out. but i have to say, i do get a case of Cabin Fever every now and then. so i hope my family understands that when i go out.. it's to take a break from seeing the same walls all the time. but overall i love what i'm doing now.

school:

so as most of you know, i went to school for nursing for a long time. I found myself going to school grumpy and angry most of the time. my grades weren't as fabulous as i'd like in some of my classes. but i had a few good friends in school that kept me coming back. Nursing is a great career for some, but for others, not so much. i am that other person. i went to school trying to fulfill my mom's wishes.but my heart wasn't in the profession. i kept trying to convince myself that this was the way to go, but each time i was never convinced. once summer started, i began to notice "signs." i went to philippines and i saw all of my cousins  and noticed they were all involved with architecture, engineering, and of course, interior design. then, i went to loretta's pgrad, and i kept hearing everyone say, " i'm so happy that i decided to do something that i love" and so on. so i kept hearing those same words, over and over and over. so i came home one night, and finally told my mom that i no longer want to do nursing, and pursue becoming an interior design. so yeah, i'm finally doing what i want. which makes me really happy. yay!

so, i'm finally happy. there you go. that's the update.

Currently watching : The Incredibles (Two-Disc Collector's Edition) Release date: 2005-03-15

9:33 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

love is just another way of saying....
Current mood: blank

9:17 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Quit singing?
Current mood: disappointed

i really hate arguments. the ones where it could totally ruin a relationship.

i really don't wanna be that person where for the rest of my life i cut myself off and actually forget what we were arguing over.

totally stupid. i hate it.

church really helps. and i really hope i can learn to hold my temper back and just let people know how i'm feeling without getting emotional.

didn't sing in choir today. cause they had a point, i shouldn't be singing if i can't sing whole heartedly to God. so, for lent i'm not going to "give up meat" or any typical sacrifice. but actually do something that's for the better to help me realize that what i'm doing is for God.

i shouldn't be singing at church just because i'm "good" at it. but i should be singing because i wanna praise God because He gave me a gift and i should be able to help lead people through good example.

so many people think that i sing because i love to do so. but most of the time i'm kind of forced to do it. so this time, i'm going to motivate myself and NOT be forced to do something that's actually going to enrich my relationship with God.

i really wish i could make it to UTC or young adult bible study. but right now, my life is just so hectic. but i'm not going say that's holding me back. i'm just reluctant to go. and i know everyone there is so nice and accepting there. and if any of them read this. i hope you guys understand that i want to build my relationship with God personally and i will be with them soon.

i think another factor that has come into my life is, i just met family from abroad, built relationships with them... and i really truly miss them. everyone that has come and gone. and i hope sometime soon they can come back, or i go to them.

it's just so hard, and i really hope i can pull through this lenten season. i'm not going to quit singing. but i'm going to quit singing as being a phony to not only myself. but to others.

and to my long and short time friends, if you read this, i really hope you guys can help me out on this one. i really miss you guys. i know i've been pretty m.i.a. lately, but i really need you. not just your support but just your company.

and to those just randomly reading this, thanks for even taking the time to read this. just in that shows that you have support.

To all: thank you for reading this and i hope you all understand the position i am in.

so just like the title of Nina's song, Someday, i will have a great relationship and move on with my life. and someday i will find someone that's going to love me the way i need them to love me.

and to God: please forgive me for EVERYTHING. and i know that you ARE that person that's going to love me the way i need you to. so from now on, i'm going to do my best to love you the way you need me to. and i won't even miss you because i'll already know that you're by my side and ready to be there for me whenever i need you. so, Thank you for blessing me and my family.  and i am going to do the best i can in everything for you.

thanks.

8:32 PM - 3 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

i sssooo didn't know...
Current mood: surprised

that i'm 1/8 chinese. hahahaha.

ssooo.. didn't know that...

1:05 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

this christmas
Current mood: calm

    is going to suck.....

i love jesus.

but lots of problems. pray for me and my fam bam guys. hopefully there's somebody out there reading this.

luv u guys.

-nic

9:06 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

raising for trip to Australia.
Current mood: excited

so, my relatives from australia left to go home about a week ago.and now i've got the "okay" from the fam. that i can go and visit the fam. there. woo! exciting! so i've checked around, and now i have to raise about $1,700 for my ticket. i've got a LONG way to go. so feel free to make a donation to my "Raise for Australia" fund. haha. any currency will be greatly appreciated. ahahah. so, starting today, i shall begin raising for the trip.

-Nic

10:03 PM - 2 Comments - 3 Kudos - Add Comment

The Ultimate Gifts for my bday....
Current mood: hot

so, i'd honestly have to say that i don't really care what i would get for my bday. BUT! recently i just discovered something i would REALLY REALLY REALLY like for my bday. and that would be:

The Helio Kickflip


And

The Helio Hero


i know. expensive.
but other than these two cell phones. i have no major "wishlist" gifts. ahaha. so yeah. just thought i'd post this up.

5:48 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

hm...
Current mood: blank

so i'm bored. and it's summertime. i decided to post a blog. don't worry guys about my past blogs. i'm past that! woo! party! ahaha. have fun!!

10:22 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

bored after work....
Current mood: lazy

Body: Mark Xs where you fit in and repost.

You are
[x] short, under 5'0
[ ] 5'0 - 5'3
[ ] IM 5'5"1/2 ] 5'4 - 5'5
[ ] 5'6 -5'7
[ ] 5'8" - 6'0
[ ] tall 6'1 and up

NATURALLY
[ ] blonde
[ ] redhead
[ ] auburn
[ ] brunette
[ ] dirty blonde/brownish
[ ] dark brown
[x] black

[] blue-eyed
[x] brown-eyed
[ ] green-eyed
[ ] hazel eyed
[ ] gold/gray-eyed
[] silver/gray- eyed
[] blue/green-eyed
[] blue/grey-eyed
[] they change colors

[x] glasses
[ ] contacts
[ ] neither

[] short hair
[x] medium
[ ] long hair
[ ] mohawk

Your favorite color(s) are?
[ ] red
[ ] blue
[X] turquoise
[X] green
[ ] silver
[ ] purple
[x] brown
[ ] orange
[ ] grey
[ ] aqua
[ ] pink
[ ] yellow
[ ] white
[X]black
[ ] everYTHINGing
[ ] limegreen

You've been:
[ ] rafting
[ ] water skiing
[ ] parasailing
[X] camping
[ ] horseback riding
[ ] surfing/wake boarding
[ ] water polo
[ ] snowboarding
[ ] skiing
[x] skateboarding
[x] cheerleading
[X] dancing
[ ] lacrosse
[ ] hockey
[ ] gymnastics
[ ] martial arts
[ ] bmx
[ ] tubing

you cant stand listening to

[ ] country
[ ] classical
[ ] techno
[ ] oldies
[ ] opera
[x] reggeaton
[ ] emo
[ ] 80's
[ ] disco
[ ] metal
[ ] hardcore
[ ] rock
[ ] rap / Hip-Hop
[ ] r&b
[ ] classic rock

The pets you have HAD and have?
[ ] cat
[x] dog
[ ] lizard
[ ] rat
[ ] ferret
[x] bunny
[ ] fish
[ ] duck
[ ] horse
[ ] bird
[ ] frog
[ ] hermit crab
[ ] prairie dog
[x] turtle
[ ] hamster
[ ] snake
[ ] gerbil
[ ] guinea pig
[ ] pig
[ ] goat
[ ] lamb
[ ] cow
[ ] chinchilla
[ ] tarantula
[ ] geese
[x] chicken

Clothing Brands you like?
[X] American Eagle
[x] Hollister
[ ] The Buckle
[ ] Abercrombie & Fitch
[ ] Wal-mart
[ ] Wet Seal
[ ] O'neil
[x] PacSun
[ ] Aeropostale
[ ] Dickies
[ ] Quicksilver/Roxy
[ ] anchor blue
[ ] Guess
[ ] Lucky
[ ] champs
[x] Salvation army/goodwill
[x] other thrift stores
[X] if i like it, i'll wear it
[ ] Old navy
[ ] im not into brandname clothes
[x] online/or from concerts

Shoe Brands?
[ ] Nike
[x] Adidas
[ ] Reebok
[x] Converse
[ ] K Swiss
[ ] Steve Madden
[X] Vans
[ ] Etnies
[ ] New Balance
[ ] LEI
[x] American eagle
[ ] Hollister flip flops
[ ] Abercrombie flip flops
[X] who cares


States I have been to.
[ ] Alabama
[ ] Alaska
[X] Arizona
[ ] Arkansas
[X] California
[ ] Colorado
[ ] Connecticut
[ ] Delaware
[ ] Florida
[ ] Georgia
[ ] Hawaii
[x] Idaho
[] Illinois
[ ] Indiana
[ ] Iowa
[ ] Kansas
[ ] Kentucky
[ ] Louisiana
[ ] Maine
[] Maryland
[ ] Massachusetts
[ ] Michigan
[ ] Minnesota
[ ] Mississippi
[] Missouri
[ ] Montana
[ ] Nebraska
[X] Nevada
[ ] New Hampshire
[ ] New Jersey
[ ] New Mexico
[x] New York
[ ] North Carolina
[ ] North Dakota
[ ] Ohio
[ ] Oklahoma
[] Oregon
[ ] Pennsylvania
[] Rhode Island
[ ] South Carolina
[ ] South Dakota
[ ] Tennessee
[ ] Texas
[ ] Utah
[ ] Vermont
[ ] Virginia
[x] Washington
[ ] Washington DC
[ ] West Virginia
[ ] Wisconsin
[ ] Wyoming

Your confessions:
[ ] I am really ticklish
[ ] I've collected comic books
[ ] I read the news
[X] I love Disney movies
[ ] I don't kill bugs
[x] I have "x"s in my screen name
[ ] I cook well
[X] I have worn pajamas to class
[x] like Martha Stewart
[x]I love someone
[x]am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS
[X] Im self conscious
[X] I love to laugh
[ ] I can't swallow pills
[ ] I bite my nails
[X]Gotten lost in the city
[X] Gone out in public in your pajamas
[ ] Made out in an elevator
[ ] Been skydiving
[ ] Been bungee jumping
[X] Bitten someone
[ ] Made out with the same sex
[ ]egged a house/car
[x] crashed into a car
[ ]been fired
[ ]Been skinny dipping
[ ] smoked weed

Have you ever...
[ ] stolen a sign
[X]danced in the rain -
[x] seen a shooting star
[ ] proposed to anyone
[ ]gotten stitches
[X] eaten Sushi
[X]gotten the chicken pox
[x]ridden in a taxi
[x]went on a cruise ship
[X]driven over 400 miles in one day
[ ] been on a plane by yourself
[ ] had surgery
[x] seen a movie more than 3 times in the theater
[x] been on a stage
[x] gotten a black eye
[x] memorized all the dialogue in a movie
[X]watched an entire baseball game on tv

Do you like...
[X] old movies
[X] musicals
[x] blasting music in the car
[X] foreign foods
[X] christmas time
[ ] doughnuts
[X] animals
[X] coffee

1:59 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

wtf is happening to me??
Current mood: depressed

man, this holiday season pretty sucks. tonight, i realized why i do certain things and certain things happen....

i realized that i always watch romantic comedies because i feel they will never happen. especially not to me. and i guess i feel that way because i might as well watch it happen to someone hypothetical cause you know what. it'll never happen to me.

i finally realized why i don't like going home after a fun activity. cause that meant going home to arguments. i mean, at least i'm more willing to say my opinions more but that doesn't mean it won't cost me anything.

i realized why i'm broke. it's because i keep buying food, or paying for gas. i keep buying food because eating makes me happy. but i'm also unhappy because i keep eating. so what do i do now??? i guess keep eating because that's what makes me happy.

i also realized that no matter what happens at home. whether someone loses their slipper or something gets misplaced, it'll always be my fault. just like the fact that i'm fat. ahaha. everything is my fault. it's my fault that we couldn't find the christmas decorations, it's my fault the vcr didn't work. and it's even my fault when someone can't find their keys. it's always going to be my fault.

i guess you could say i am pretty emotional right now. i feel like crying but i have no will to do it. man, i really miss my friends. i guess i kinda miss high school. cause that meant i wasn't at home as much. i wish i wasn't at home as much as i am right now. i'm really glad that i'm going to be working this christmas vacation. at least i'll be gone majority of the day. 5 am to whenever i feel like going home. man, i really don't know what's going on right now.

i find myself cussing more often. i guess it's because i have so much anger. i dunno whatever. i've even started to drink again. i dunno. i guess i'm so angry and disappointed that i've actually started to drink by myself. wtf is up with me??? man, i think i need to talk to my counselor or a therapist. but then again, that means money. man... i can't believe i'm saying this to the public. but whatever. it doesn't even matter anymore. life sucks anyways. why not bring the whole world down with me right????

fuck. i hate this holiday season. you know what, i guess i feel heartbroken every fuckin' day. i feel like my heart has been ripped out, stabbed, grounded like beef, and served on a platter. but no matter what i feel on the inside, i have to fake it on the outside because everybody else is happy around me. i give up. you know. i actually felt like just leaving the house and cry at the park. everything is so fucking depressing that i gave up on everything. i have no hope for anything.

i gave up on the hope of losing weight. i gave up on the hope of being loved. i gave up on the hope of telling my real feelings to anyone. i gave up on the hope of everything and everyone.

you know. i miss the feeling of being close to God. this summer was so great. hanging out with youth group was so awesome. but school got hectic and i couldn't make the time to go to youth. but right now, i'm going to be working soon, and i'm pretty sure that i won't be able to go. but you know what, i'm really gonna try to make an effort to at least try to talk to God.

i've even gotten to the point where i don't feel the lyrics that i'm singing on sunday during choir. i don't even feel happy singing anymore. everything is such a let down for me. i miss everything. i miss being happy.

here's a hint. if you wanna help me this season. give me alcohol. ahah. man do i sound like an alcoholic. nvm. scratch that. if you wanna help me out. send or give me a christmas card. cause all i need right now is the acknowledgment that i have friends out there. fuck. this is so depressing. man, i'm done.

i love you guys. always remember that. cause no matter how i feel, i'm always gonna be here for you guys. if you ever need a helping hand. i'll be here. and could you guys pray for me that i feel better this season. bye.

Currently watching : Donnie Darko Release date: 04 February, 2003

10:55 PM - 3 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment