Sound the bugle now play it just for me, as the season change remember how I used to be...
Current mood: anxious
Category: Life
Today I woken as a mess. I have chemotherapy today and I have been talking myself out of it. People say to just get it over with, but these are people that has never had to go through it. Chemotherapy isn't simple and you end up feeling worse than you do if you just let the cancer spread. It seems that all the options for me now will cause me to be in more pain and to be down for a while. Yeah I did get over my fear of taking pain pills. A friend of mine suggested marijuana after chemotherapy, but you all know that I couldn't do anything illegal. I could probably get a prescription since I am in California, but federal laws prohibit it so I would still be violating a law. I have also never had marijuana so I don't know how it will make me feel. I think I may be the only adult that I know that hasn't used marijuana. I'm sure a few of you are high right now; I think you have to be to know me.
Speaking of high I am reminded of a joke that got me in trouble at church when I was like 12. I was in Sunday School and the teacher was talking about not giving in to pressure to do drugs. She said that she has a natural high on Jesus. I replied with, "So you're free basing the saviour? That's just sick." I got sent to the pastor's office and he laughed at it and told me to keep jokes like that to myself.
I can’t be late for my meeting with Ms. Plow at Wounded Knee!
Current mood: argumentative
Category: Life
I know that a lot of my friends are simply broke because of the slumping economy and I know that it really sucks to be broke. That is why I have come up with a get rich quick that is sure to work. As I was sitting with Stacy she was telling me about how her bank doesn't accept a lot of coins if they aren't rolled in coin wrappers. She also informed me that the bank doesn't count, measure or weigh the rolls to insure that the proper amount of money is inside. The light bulb went off in my head and I came up with the most elaborate money making scheme in history! All a person has to do is go to the bank and get 100 dollars worth of coins. Since the bank doesn't verify the amount you'll have to do so and you should count all the coins in front of the teller to insure that you have exactly 100 dollars in change. Now go home and re-wrap those coins, but skimming a few coin out of each wrap. Turn in the wraps for paper cash and repeat and different branches. Before long you will be rich! It sounds tedious, but it is far better than being broke. Just remember that one Superman film with Richard Pryor. Remember how he just skimmed like a half of a penny out of all of those cheques and voilà, he was rich. Scoff all you want, but I will be the one laughing, laughing all the way to the bank.
I am so happy that the FX Network has started airing "The Practice" again at 8 AM. I was pissed when they stopped. This is one of the greatest shows ever aired and I am sad that it still doesn't come on, but I suppose that I should be happy that it spun off "Boston Legal" although I miss the gang. My favourite was Ellenor Frutt. I like how she used to hit people. I guess I just have a soft spot for large white women! Yeah I said it!
Has anyone besides my mum read The Ethical Slut? I ordered it on Amazon, but haven't read it yet, but I can't wait to see what the fuss is about. I have read the reviews and they are all glowing. I believe the basis of the book is a look at the polyamourus lifestyle. My understanding of it is it is something deeper and more meaningful than just having an open relationship. With an open relationship the participants are pretty much free to have sexual relations with anyone they want and that excludes actually falling in love with the person you hook up with. With polyamoury it is more about loving more than one person. I first heard about polyamoury while watching Dr. Phil and then it seems like I hear about it all the time. I compare it more with the illegal practise of bigamy although marriage between the "boyfriends" or "girlfriends" doesn't happen. I can't wait to read the book to learn more about it and I will comment on the book after I read it.
I found it shocking and terribly sad when I learned that Bernie Mac had passed away. He was the funniest comedian on Kings of Comedy and his book is the funniest book that I have ever read. I read it a few times back in high school when we had that mandatory 20 or 30 minutes of reading during our second period of the day. Then Isaac Hayes' passing was another that shocked me. I was just watching the episode of South Park where he leaves and joins the Super Adventure Club and towards the end of the episode he dies and then is brought back to life... pretty eerie.
I know that I keep saying that I am going to do a video blog, but things just keep on happening that prevents me from doing one. Every time I sit down and turn on the cam I can't think of anything to say. Give me a few weeks and I will have a video blog or I will die trying.
We have come now to the end, white shores are calling, you and I will meet again
Category: Life
First I would like to follow up to my blog on racism, the one that got me yelled out by Anina, y'all remember and if you don't you can browse topics for the racism blog and then the response to racism blog. Any hoot, I noticed that the cereal in question had done something to rectify their blatant racism. Cocoa Puffs has integrated the white cereal with the black cereal! I think this is a good start to fixing the wrongs of the past. I was livid to learn that one must be cuckoo for cocoa puffs because the message that the black cereal makes one crazy is absurd! Now with the advent of the Cocoa Puffs with the vanilla cereal shows me that the people at General Mills are trying to fix a problem. If you haven't tried them they are really good. So Ms. Plow step away from Count Chacula for a second and try the new Cocoa Puffs.
I need for everyone to do me a huge Oprah tits size favour. Can you go to itunes and download Dream by Angela McCluskey? Proceeds of the download goes to UNICEF to vaccinate children. It is a great song in my opinion and I already added it to my funeral play list.
Speaking of my funeral although a lot of y'all have sent me messages demanding that I stop planning it. I decided to get cremated. I don't want a service, but I am working on a video that I want uploaded so my friends can reflect on me. My funeral play list is just some songs that I like and that I think would help people to reflect on me. That list will be available soon.
We all die people so don't be sad. Just for some reason I have to die a painful death. Actually I heard that pancreatic cancer was the most painful so thank God I don't have that. I remember they thought that I had it after that time I passed out at work and went to the ER. They thought it because my blood sugar was at 50 something which is low. Turns out I just have really low blood sugar. I suppose I am just not as sweet as I people think I am. The funny thing is I have low blood sugar, low cholesterol, low blood pressure, I don't smoke or drink and yet look what is happening. Ain't that some shit?
I think everyone knows that I love Christmas! I listen to Christmas music throughout the year and around Christmas time I am extremely happy. I don't care about the presents I just like the family togetherness and the cheer that fills the air. It is also time that we reflect on baby Jesus. Did y'all know that the little baby Jesus would grow up to be... Jesus?
I was reading today that Senator Edwards cheated on his wife while she was battling cancer and it pissed me off. I recall just a few weeks ago I was watching Cheaters, something that I never watch, and one man was caught cheating on his wife who was battling cancer. My own wife cheated on me while I was in my early stages of cancer. Is it something with us that have cancer? It seems like we are so much of a burden that our spouses need to find comfort somewhere else. It just sucks.
Currently
listening
:
Bare
By
Annie Lennox
Release date: 2003-06-10
If I am alive this time next year
Current mood: sleepy
Category: Life
Yes I am back to early morning blogging because I am in too much pain to sleep. You know what I do have a bottle of vicodin and a bottle of codeine in the pharmacy that I need to pick up. I am just too afraid that if I start taking pain pills that I will develop an addiction. I do have an addicting personality. I started breathing air and I can't stop, I drink water and now I can't stop and when I eat cheese I can't stop. Seriously! For instance, if I eat a slice of cheese I'll start to want macaroni and cheese and after I eat that I want a grilled cheese sandwich and then after that I would want cheese soup (Campbell's makes one) and then some cheez its. One time I even put cheese on a cake, it was a cheesecake. Then I would want a potato with cheese and that would start another cycle of addiction because then I would want french fries, hash browns, tater tots, potato soup and a raw potato. So you see the less things I try the better; that way I avoid an addiction.
So yeah I'm sick and there is a really big chance that I will die, but why on Earth would I let that get me down? I know I make light of my situation although deep inside I am scared, but I think that I earned the right to make fun of it because look, I have lived passed expectations! I think I won't die, well at least any time soon because the good lord doesn't know where to put me. I can't go to heaven just yet because they don't know where to put all the breakable things. No I think that everyone is stuck with me for a while, but if I do go I am ready for it.
I think that I became officially ready to depart when I saw that people around me where crying because they knew that I was in pain. I think that I have some amazing people in my life that understands my pain and they love me so much that they don't want me to suffer one little bit. I cried one night with my wife and she said tearfully that she wished that she could have my sickness instead because I am the wrong person to have it, that I am so much of a better person than she is. Now I think that I am the right person to have it because I can handle it. I am reminded of that old quote that God only gives us what we can handle. I know that I can handle this and that is why I have it. Of course I would rather be healthy and not in pain and most importantly I would rather be sleeping now.
My family is the main reason that I am holding on. My daughter Ivy turns three today and I know that she still needs me. Iris, my 8 month old also needs me. Well I think I need them more, but they think that they need me. I think that Ivy just uses me to peel her bananas and Iris uses me to take her to the mirror so she can smile at herself. I also think of my sister Dlinka. She has lost both of her parents and we are too close so I can't just leave her right now.
OK, so things are getting grim and I hate grim things! So time for some good old fashioned blogging.
What is up with 50 cent? First off he looks thinner as if he is sick or something. He is also a whiny baby. He is suing Taco Bell because they used his name (referencing him) in one of their commercials. I think he should just be glad that someone would want to use him an anything. I would say that I wish that someone would just shoot him, but well you know it hadn't worked the first 100 times so I why work now.
I am also tired of people messing with Don Imus. If I were him I would go on TV and look straight in the camera and say every racial slur and comment I can think of just to give people something real to complain about.
My sister Danay (Nay-Nay) says that it looks like Obama is going to be president. Now I am rooting and praying that McCain wins, but considering that things don't always go my way I am preparing for Obama to be president. At the moment I am preparing my face to look shocked when I hear of his assassination. OK, so that isn't too funny, but I just think that there are too many idiots out there that wont be comfortable with an African-American president. Of course if I went on the news and said what I just wrote than I would be given the Imus treatment and that is when I would look directly in the camera and say "kiss my ass!"
I think that if everyone said "kiss my ass" more than a lot of arguments would just stop. The senate could get a lot done.
Republican Senator: We should allow drilling in Alaska Senator Boxer: That is absurd, we must think of the wildlife and the environment... Republican Senator: You know what Senator Boxer? You can kiss my ass. Senator Boxer:
If Adam would have said it we would still be in Eden.
Eve: Adam, take a bite of this fruit Adam: Kiss my ass!
We wouldn't even be in Iraq
President Bush: Sadam has weapons of mass destruction! American people: Kiss my ass
Currently
listening
:
Here Right Now
By
Graham Colton
Release date: 2007-10-30
As life goes on with you there and me here No matter where I am on Earth It doesn't feel like home perhaps it was written in the stars I deeply think that our paths crossed only to pass each other by
It's me who has chosen my fate
I tiptoe through life At night I'm searching I keep my fears inside The voices in my head Thinking of those moments The ones I spent by your side but like a gust of wind In the storm I disappear from you
Count all the bees in the hive, chase all the clouds from the sky!
Current mood: sad
Category: Life
Tomorrow is the first day of the month that I dread the most. For many people the month of May is a time to reflect and enjoy spending time with their mothers. Sadly I don't have my mother and I miss her the same today as I did ten years ago when she passed away. It is more unfortunate for me that she passed away a week after Mother's Day. I suppose it is better this way as for there not to be two months where I grieve and feel sad. However, the month of May is a horrible month for me because I tend to miss my mother more and I think about what I am missing.
I believe that I am missing a person that I can talk to and rely on for guidance and wisdom; a person that I can learn from. It is important to me to be able to express my thoughts and feelings without worrying about stepping on toes or worrying about offending someone. At least with my mother I could tell her anything and her love for me and thoughts about me never changed for the worse. I just yearn to feel comfortable and safe. I want to call someone mom and send them flowers and a card on their birthday and Mother's day. Sometimes when I am jumbled I need a hug from someone that loves me no matter what I do or what I am so that I can get back on track.
I also wish that I had a mom so that my daughters can have another grandmother. I can see that for whatever reason their maternal grandmother doesn't care about them as she does for her other grandchildren. Sure my daughters get an abundance of love from me and my sisters, but everyone knows that their is just something special about the love of a grandmother.
In these times of a perilous economy and crime at high rates a mother is essential. A mother can calm all things. I envy those with mothers and I beg of them to never take their mothers for granted. A mom is a precious and valuable resource that when depleted can not be replaced. Take care of your mother because I may just snatch her up and keep her for myself.
I want a mom that will last forever I want a mom to make it all better I want a mom that will last forever I want a mom who will love me whatever
I want a mom that'll take my hand And make me feel like a holiday A mom to tuck me in that night and chase the monsters away I want a mom that'll read me stories And sing a lullybye And if I have a bad dream to hold me when I cry
Oh, I want a mom that will last forever I want a mom to make it all better I want a mom that will last forever I want a mom that will love me whatever, forever
When she says to me, she will always be there To watch and protect me I don't have to be scared Oh, and when she says to me I will always love you I won't need to worry 'cause I know that it's true
I want a mom when I get lonely Who will take the time to play A mom who can be a friend and a rainbow when it's gray I want a mom to read me stories And sing a lullaby And if I have a bad dream, to hold me when I cry
Oh, I want a mom that will last forever I want a mom to make it all better I want a mom that will last forever I want a mom that will love me whatever, forever
I joined an online cancer support group a little over a year ago and at the time it was the best thing in the world for me. The group was made up of people with some form of cancer and people who had family members with cancer. I just found out a few moments ago that I am the last survivor of the group out of the people with cancer. Just last week it was me and a girl named Mar. Mar was 17 and she went to be with the lord on Tuesday night. I am really sad by this, but I am also numb by this.
It is official
Current mood: chipper
Category: Life
I am leaving my home of nearly four years! The Julii flat downtown will be vacated and I am moving to Julii manor in the north! So those of you that complain that I live in the ghetto can't complain anymore. I will be throwing a house warming barbecue next month! I am excited about the move because I have been wanting to get a home gym so I can workout without being discouraged by all the in shape people. This is going to be the summer that I have muscles!
I thought it was clear that I was joking, but I received the following message about it.
----------------- Original Message ----------------- From: Anina Date: 28 Jan 2008, 09:09
Wild rice (Zizania palustris L.) is native to North America and grows predominantly in the Great Lakes region. This large-seeded species, one of four species of wild rice, is in the grass family (Poaceae) and has been eaten by people since prehistoric times. Early North American inhabitants, especially the Ojibway, Menomini, and Cree tribes in the North Central region of the continent, used the grain as a staple food and introduced European fur traders to wild rice. Manomio, the name they gave wild rice, means good berry. Early English explorers called this aquatic plant wild rice or Indian rice, while the French saw a resemblance to oats and called it folle avoine. Other names given to wild rice include Canadian rice, squaw rice, water oats, blackbird oats, and marsh oats. However, the name "wild rice" persisted and today it is the common name for the genus Zizania, even though the wild type of rice (Oryza) is also called wild rice.
Prior to 1965 most wild rice in the United States was produced in natural stands in lakes, rivers, and streams. In Canada most wild rice is still produced in lakes and streams that are leased from the government. Growing wild rice as a field crop was first suggested in 1852 by Joseph Bowron from Wisconsin, and in 1853 by Oliver H. Kelley of Minnesota. Efforts to grow wild rice as a field crop did not begin until 1950. James and Gerald Godward grew wild rice in a one-acre diked, flooded field (paddy) near Merrifield, Minnesota. By 1958 they had 120 acres of paddies for growing wild rice. Additional growers started paddy production during the mid-1950s and early 1960s, and in 196S, Uncle Ben, Inc. started contracting acreages. These initial efforts to commercialize wild rice production resulted in an organized effort to domesticate this crop using plant breeding.
Development of more shatter-resistant varieties was largely responsible for the rapid expansion of field production in the late 1960s and early 1970s. Production in Minnesota increased from 900 acres in 1968 to 18,000 acres in 1973. Most wild rice from natural stands was harvested by hand prior to this time using the traditional canoe-and-flail method. Mechanical harvesting of wild rice on private lands began during 1917 in Canada. Harvesting with more efficient grain combines was possible with the discovery of shattering resistance. Wild rice is currently produced commercially as a field crop in Minnesota and California, which account for most of the acreage (20,000 and 8,000 acres, respectively, in 1991). Additional amounts are grown as a field crop in Idaho, Wisconsin and Oregon. In Canada, there has been much recent effort to increase total production from lakes by seeding lakes that were without wild rice. The lakes are then mechanically harvested by airboats equipped with collecting troughs. Researchers in Europe are currently investigating the possibility of wild rice production there.
A.K.A IT IS CALLED WILD ICE BECAUSE IT GROWS WILD...AROUND RIVERBEDS. LIKE WILD FLOWERS.
AND GOING CUCKOO FOR COCOA PUFFS IS A SLOGAN. IT IS AN ADVERTISMENT, TO GET KIDS TO WANT TO EAT THEM. THAT SLOGAN HAS BEEN AOUND LONG BEFORE YOU. PETTY BITCHING ABOUT SOCIETY GETS PEOPLE NO WHERE PERSUADING YOURSELF INTO THINKING FOOD ADVERTISMENTS OR NAMES HAVE HIDDEN SUBLIMINAL MESSAGES IS CUCKOO..AND BESIDES PEOPLE WHO DRINK MALT LIQUOR DESERVE TO BE WHERE THEY ARE. BLACK, WHITE, YELLOW OR BLUE. TRY LOVE IT FEELS MUCH BETTER THAN HATE. IGNORANCE IS MUCH UGLIER THAT RACISM.
Ladies you need totake care it and keep it safe. Sometimes you need to air it out. Just treat it with dignity and respect and it will take care of you. Sometimes you need to love it; sometimes more than once a day!
Currently
listening
:
What’s Going on
By
Marvin Gaye
Release date: 14 January, 2003
I am sick and tired of food products being racist! I hear Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton bitch about racism, but they ignore the fact that African-Americans are faced with racism when they go to the market to buy food. If those two load mouthed Reverends want to make a stand that matters they would leave Don Imus and a lot of other respectable people alone and go after two of the most racist things I have ever seen in my life!
Yes I am mad because daily I see the injustice and hurt that accompanies racism. The racism that it is brought on by the mere presence of certain products. These products need to be removed from the shelves so that America can begin to heal. When I came to this country I expected freedom, but the chains that bind a certain minority group are still intact! These chains lie within the supermarket and I will not sit idle on this any longer!
As an MBE and loyal subject of Her Majesty the Queen and the justice that she stands for I feel it is my duty to not only point out the racism, but to stop it! I hope you all take this following message and know that racism is alive and that you should stay clear of certain products or else I will point and call you a racist!
Why is it called wild rice? I'll tell you why. Just because some of the rice is BLACK they call it wild rice. This is clearly "ricial" profiling. White rice is clearly being racist against black rice because it refers to the black rice as wild. This is crazy! After all the efforts of Dr. King and the civil rights movement we still refer to black rice as being wild. I am ashamed of you America...ashamed!
You must also asks yourself the question; why am I cuckoo for cocoa puffs? This is ridiculous! So they are saying that the BLACK cereal makes you crazy! So if you eat cocoa puffs you can be crazy like a black person. This is blatant racism and should not be tolerated. To even suggest that the black cereal makes you crazy like a black person is just crazy. Malt liquor makes you crazy like a black person!
Currently
listening
:
The Best of Sade
By
Sade
Release date: 03 April, 2001
Steve that mighty guy sadly slipped into his cave...
Current mood: sad
Category: Life
Today is Danay's/Nay-Nay's birthday! My big sister turns 30 today. She is an old ho now! Don't get mad at me; she proclaims herself to be an old ho. It is funny how the time goes by. It seems like last night I put Ivy in her crib and today she is running around.
I often imagine growing old. I say that if I get old I am going to be a cranky old coot. I am going to complain about everything and yell at youngsters. Well that isn't much different than what I do now, but when you're old people have to leave you alone. If I get old I'm going to make up stories about having to walk miles to get to school and how everything was cheap back in my days. I'm going to tell people of how we almost had a black president (Obama). Oh and I'm going to wear wacky hats!
Of course I may not get old. Shut up Jessa, Lori and Stacy! I have to accept what can happen in order for me to enjoy the life that I have. I am optimistic about living. My friends tell me not to talk about dying, but it is a part of me. I also say they don't have the right to tell me what to talk about and what to believe. When you live with the bleeding, stomach pain and the sleeping for 1 hour a night then you can comment on what I'm going through. I sound bitter and it is because I am tired. I barely get sleep or a break in the pain.
Is it ever too late to apologise? I don't think so. I accept apologies any time. It may be too late to get things back to how they were, but it is never too late to apologise and forgive. If you can't accept an apology and forgive someone you are a bad person. It takes a strong person to forgive as it also takes a strong person to seek forgiveness. We are all human and are capable of messing up. When I was cheated on I thought it was the worst thing that can happen to me. I hated my wife and wished for nothing else then for her to feel pain. Now I understand that she is human and had just made a mistake. Of course I wont allow myself to be cheated on again by her and she and I can't have a relationship or marriage any more, but I do forgive her and will treat her like I treat others.
I make mistakes all the time. I hurt feelings and I do things that I regret all the time. If everyone wasn't forgiving I wouldn't have any friends in life or even on myspace. I thank everyone that has forgiven me in the past and I hope that the forgiveness never stops.
"You got the wings, I got the wings, all God's children got the wings and when we get to heaven we gonna put on the wings and we gonna fly!"
Currently
listening
:
Apologize
By
Timbaland Feat. Onerepublic
Release date: 27 November, 2007
The Rules: Once you have been tagged, write a blog with ten strange/ random facts or habits about you. When you are done, pick ten people to be tagged. List their names and why you tagged them. Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they are tagged and to read your latest blog....Let me know when you're done!
1) I am extremely scared of clowns. I squirm and can cry when I see one.
2) I have only had sex with one woman in my entire life
3) I have only stolen one thing in my entire life and that was a chocolate covered cherry when I was 5. I got caught and had to return it and I have never purposely stolen anything since then.
4) I believe that I am one of the ugliest people in the world
5) I don't shake hands because I am scared of germs.
6) I kissed a guy and actually liked it.
7) I am in love with Martha Stewart and would make passionate love to her if I had the chance.
8) I dream of becoming King of an African country.
9) I hate "Forest Gump."
10) I will name my first son Atreyu because "The Never Ending Story" is one of my favourite films.
I'm tagging:
Ms. Plow because she is my number 1.
Dlinka because she is always looking for something to do.
Stacy because I think she will do it.
Karla because she is Karla.
Leticia because she'll do it if she is bored enough.
Misty because she wont go to law school.
Jessa because she needs to blog about something other than gloomy things.
One of the people in my top 4 woke me up this morning because she was talking loudly in the telephone. I'm not going to mention any names, but she is asking for a butt whooping!
Since I am up I decided to do some homework, but it got boring. Biological Psychology is a dead subject. I am taking it because it is a requirement in this Masters of Homeland Security programme I am taking. I know everyone is getting scared at the remote chance that I can be placed in charge of Homeland Security. I am only getting the degree to make myself look better on paper and I don't plan to work directly in Homeland Security. The degree is more of a medical degree on how to maintain stability in healthcare after a major terrorist attack.
So many of you have seen my graphic of "Lesbian Potpourri." I am urged to tell you by a lesbian that will remain nameless that normal women that don't sleep with men, smells nothing like tuna. That graphic was one of my funniest ones in my opinion because it was simple, but effective.
So I am debating again on how I want to start my legal career. Again I am entertaining the idea of working with the US Attorney's office. If I do become an assistant US attorney, I want to prosecute tough crimes. I am thinking something like sex crimes against children. I would personally like to see laws made that would allow me to prosecute American men (women don't do this) that goes to poor countries to have sex with minors. I'm sure my conviction rate will be 100 percent because I will not tolerate abuse to children.
I wouldn't mind doing the same thing for the Crown Prosecuting Service. CPS is like the equivalent to the US attorney or District Attorney in the UK and commonwealth realms. I know that I would make more money in private practice, but I also want to contribute to the safety of my community and the world.
So most of you have asked me what the MBE stands for. It stands for Member of the Order of the British Empire. It is the lowest rank in the order and does not confer Knighthood; only the two highest ranks confers Knighthood. Everyone gets knighted now-a-days so I don't aspire to be a knight; I want a peerage. Someday I will be Lord Stevie!
Currently
listening
:
Dream a Dream
By
Adolphe Adam
Release date: 17 October, 2000
anxious
argumentative
sleepy
calm
sad
chipper
ashamed
adored
