Going where no BLOG has ever gone BEFORE!

I have the smallest of favours to ask.

A good friend of mine, let's just call him JLK, approached me today asking the smallest of favours. You see, his girlfriend, let's just call her Z, is in the Top 10 finalists to win a $5,000 reward for her amazing artwork. All she needs is for people to go to the website I am about to link you to, place a vote for her (Zoe) and then open the automated email.

So all I am asking is that you find it in yourself to support this starving young artist. Please click. Click now.

Who knows. Maybe you will need Zoe's help one of these days.

Thankyou,
Chris.

http://www.noise.net/vote_for_art.asp

10:39 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

The Malarious Doneventures of Hilary J. Timberworth
Current mood: drunk
Category: Parties and Nightlife

This Saturday night just passed brought with it one of the best times I have had making a fool of myself. After many complications, the slimed down crew (all three of us) still managed to make it into the city for a hooter of a time.

If Zombie Ghost Train wasn't enough to make you want to kick your grandmother in the face, we then threw in some Rebel Rebel with a helping of Gerling and wrapped it up by watching the helpless little Shire congregate within the walls of Club 77.

This handsome young band provided us with the flavours of Psychobilly crossed with a lot of spoken word in between songs. Being the soberest part of my night, I was capable of having a good time here without drawing attention to my drunken uncoordination. Although a joke about shitting myself whilst swordfighting with Barrett in the men's room was taken a little too far. But we wont get into that...

This band, my friends, were the soundtrack to the magic."Rebel, Rebel", he whispered, as my dancing shoes re-laced themselves. For the first part of this chapter of the night, I was actually convinced I was handling myself quite gracefully... It wasn't until I found myself getting piggybacks and unintentionally crash tackling women with a stranger called Nino, that I realised this night wasn't one that would be completely remembered. Getting my indie on with the most amazing girl in the multiverse was a whole lot of fun though and I agree that we should definitely hit the town more often.

Thankyou for a great night. Welcome to the world of 19 year oldism. Im not writing anything else because:

a) I'm meant to be at Tafe right now

and

b) I'm supposed to be at Tafe right now

Goodnight.

3:53 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Blackout II: Bigger, Badder, Blacker!
Current mood: devious
Category: Automotive

This, at last count, would have to be AT LEAST the second blog I have written about a blackout. Much like the last one, this is being posted a few days after the blackout itself.

If you can recall, last time, it was the first blackout I had encountered in recent history. This time however, it was the second blackout I had encountered in recent history. This time there was no father here to guide me through it and help me if I encountered any dangers. This time the gloves were off.

There I was, after a few hours laying in bed trying to catch up on lost sleep. Constantly tossing and turning, I broke out into a cold sweat. It's like I somehow knew what I was about to face.

*BAM*

Then it happened. As the lights and sounds halted, a sudden flashback came darting through my mind. I bolted to the kitchen, evading objects on the way by utilising my extreme sense of smell. I proceeded in perilously rummaging through the benches in desperate search for a candle. Just I was about to give up hope a voice popped into my head:

"La vela está sobre el refrigerador!"

I frantically grabbed the candle and threw it across the room onto the table.

"Ignitamus Illuminate!"

After that, the lights came on. After a small pause, I returned to my normal way of living. Until the next blackout, goodbye.

Currently listening : Personality (One Was a Spider, One Was a Bird) By The Sleepy Jackson Release date: 25 July, 2006

10:48 PM - 4 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

When I grow up, I wanna be a photographer...
Current mood: cheerful
Category: Art and Photography

...for now I'll just take photos. Hopefully they are worth something when I die...






Hah. Pictures and stuff...

Currently reading : Life of Pi By Yann Martel Release date: 01 May, 2003

6:32 AM - 4 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

I am left-handed...
Current mood: optimistic
Category: Food and Restaurants

Left-handedness was often interpreted as a sign satanic influence, and thus prohibited. The Eskimos also believed that every left-handed person was a sorcerer.

The Romans also frowned upon left-handedness. A left-handed boy who was training to be in a Roman legion would have his hand bound to his side, and would be forced to use the gladius with his right hand. This was done out of necessity, as a left-handed Roman would have interferred with the cohesion of the Roman legions.

The use of left hand was also frowned upon in Asia. Allegedly, though there were few examples of its happening, a Japanese man could once divorce his wife if he discovered that she was left-handed.

A common belief suggests that left-handed people are more intelligent or creative than right-handed people, and this theory is supported by some evidence. Evidence such as numerous studies that prove left-handed children learn to come over obstacles at an earlier age, being left-handed in a primarily right-handed world.

In his book Right-Hand, Left-Hand, Chris McManus of University College London, argues that the proportion of left-handers is rising and left-handed people as a group have historically produced an above-average quota of high achievers. He says that left-handers' brains are structured differently in a way that widens their range of abilities, and the genes that determine left-handedness also govern development of the language centres of the brain.

Studies have shown that there is a correlation between committing sexual crimes against children and being left-handed. Cantor, et. al in their article Handedness in pedophilia and hebephilia (Archives of Sexual Behavior, August 2005, vol 34 n. 4, p447ff), based on a sample of 404 adult men under treatment for pedophilia or ephebophilia, found that:

• Under phallometric testing, those more aroused by stimuli of depictions of prepubescent children were more left-handed, while those more aroused by adult stimuli were found to be more right handed
• However, there was no observable relationship between left-handedness and the number of pre-pubertal victims (a previous study by some of the same authors found that left-handed pedophiles tended to have more child victims than right-handed ones)
• Men who offended against prepubescent children were twice as likely to be left-handed than men whose offences were primarily against adults. Once men with incest offences are excluded, men who offend against prepubescent children were three times as likely to be left-handed as men who offended against adults.

It is unclear why this is so. One possibility is that pedophilia and sexual offending is caused by a neurological condition in the brain, a condition that could also lead to left-handedness.

Some of my favourite left handers include:

Osama Bin Laden

Clearly Raising his left hand...

Bill Clinton
Prince Charles

Gandhi

This picture was lifted directly from Gandhi's own MySpace.

Caeser
Leonardo Da Vinci
50 Cent

David Bowie & Damon Albarn (Of Blur and Gorillaz fame)

Two for the price of one!

Kurt Cobain

Probably blew his brains out with his left hand...

Billy Corgan
Phil Collins

Bob Dylan

Is watching you!

Eminem
Noel Gallagher
Art Garfunkel

Bob Geldof

Saves 5,000,000 African babies every minute, using nothing but his left hand!

Issac Hayes

Jimi Hendrix

Is dead.

Natalie Imbruglia
Jay-Z
Mark Knopfler
Chris Martin
Ricky Martin

Paul McCartney

...is left handed, and Heather Mills only has one leg! Just an observation...

Method Man
George Michael
Morrissey
Ne*Yo
Pink
Robert Plant

Iggy Pop

Is super friendly, despite his appearance.

Henry Rollins
Seal
Mike Shinoda

Ringo Starr

Doesn't use EITHER hand to eat!

Joe Strummer
Tim Allen
Woody Allen
Dan Aykroyd

Sacha Baron Cohen

Is super proud of his left handedness.

Matthew Broderick

Bruce Campbell

Is probably my FAVOURITE left hander of all time...

Drew Carey

Dane Cook

Is quite magic.

Robert DeNiro

Omar Epps

Is overcoming sleeping difficulties. We all wish him the best!

Will Ferrell
Laurence Fishburne
Morgan Freeman
Mark Hamill
Benny Hill
Hugh Jackman

Scarlett Johansson

Can left my hand anyday!

Angelina Jolie

Her brand new baby Shiloh will be 18 in 566301877 Seconds.

Milla Jovovich

Thinks about me constantly...

Nicole Kidman

Ray Liotta

His brain actually resides entirely in his left hand! That is why he based his character in 1990's The Goodfellas completely around my life.

Marilyn Monroe
Mary-Kate Olsen

Trey Parker

Makes for a better JLo than JLo herself!

Richard Pryor
Keanu Reeves
Denise Richards
Mickey Rourke
Jerry Seinfeld

Christian Slater

Is related to that woman.

David Spade
Sylvester Stallone
Ben Stiller
Chris Tucker

Mark Wahlberg

Is not only left handed, but also has a third nipple...

Bruce Willis
James Cameron
Spike Lee
Ridley Scott
Oscar de la Hoya
Mike Tyson
Buzz Aldrin
Bill Gates
John Romero
Nas

R.Kelly

Actually DOES touch children!

Currently listening : YoYoYoYoYo By Spank Rock Release date: 18 April, 2006

7:39 PM - 8 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

You can keep your Kudos, I'm in it for the free rubber wristband!
Current mood: touched
Category: Travel and Places

The following is a blog I made a week ago but then didn't get around to posting. The reason I made it into one giant picture is unclear. Shutup is why, I guess...

Enjoy, or eat dirt.

Currently listening : Baby's Eyes By Halogen Release date: 21 March, 2006

6:29 PM - 3 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Almost tempted to quote the Nickelback on my Television... But then No...
Current mood: hot

My comeback attempt at writing blogs was a complete flop... Not even any kudos came from it... I should have gone all myspace and cut myself infront of my Nightmare Before Christmas figurines. Unfortunately, I seem to have misplaced my webcam after Saturday night's performance and there would be no point of doing it if it wasn't infront of an audience... Therefore I have decided just to write another blog...

That there is my girlfriend from the United States. Her name is .Life.x.paiN. and we have never met. We are really in touch emotionally and share a common love of new age angstpunk. I am fine with her making out with other girls, as long as she understands I have needs too. That's why she allows for me to make out with other boys.

I think the most important thing in anybody's life should be crossing their fingers and hoping that their children do not grow up to be anybody in that picture. Unfortunately, my parents weren't so lucky...

And what better way could have you thought of to end a blog, other than senseless frog gore...I mean, even the words "frog gore" go HAND IN HAND (almost)...

Thankyou for making it this far in what has been possibly my most pointless blog entry to date. In an attempt to spice it up a little bit, I'm going to challenge everyone to read this whole post backwards and see if they can find the hidden message... Put your 3d glasses on now!

ENOUGH SHENANIGANS!

Currently listening : Go Pets Go By DAT Politics Release date: 29 June, 2004

6:00 AM - 5 Comments - 5 Kudos - Add Comment

The inevitable return of the great white pope.
Current mood: dorky

So once again I find myself apologising for the absolute absence of blogs being produced in my general direction. Only god knows how long it's been since I last went to the effort of typing one up... Too bad he's not gonna tell anyone though (apparently the whole "divine intervention" deal went out of fasion).

Come to think of it, I don't even think I should be apologising. I mean, it's not as if I'm some chart-topping risqu author with a horde of fans down on their hands and knees eagerly awaiting my next saucerful of wisdom.

I'm Chris. My name rhymes with Piss. I write blogs on MySpace. They are read by 4 people maximum.

Since we last rammed heads, I have moved house twice. I'm currently living with my Dad, two dead fish, and the worlds slowest internet connection. My work doesn't like me anymore and I recently attended the Great Escape festival. The combination of these two factors means that I am broke and will be unable to go out with you until Thursday night. I apologise if you had become an eager beaver over the whole prospect, but it's just the way the cookie crumbles.

I'm not talking to anyone particular here, but if I was, would anything be different.

As mentioned in the past, I am in a band. My band has been on holidays from Tafe for the past 2 weeks. Logically, this would be the ideal time for us to get off our asses and do something... Right?

You bet your ass that's right!

Does that mean we've done anything? Of course not... Currently we have two songs to our name. 8 months ago, when when the band consisted of me as that sole member, how many songs did we have to our name?

2!

I would take this all so seriously if I wasn't the fuckgod of apathy.

On that note, I have lost all interest in this blogging thing again. I'm going to get some sleep so I can wake up at 4:30 in the morning and pay tribute to all the young soldiers who gave their lives for something they stood for. I'm then gonna go out and get drunk, gamble, and quite possibly get vomit on myself.

Kids these days...

Chris.

Currently listening : ( ) By Sigur Rós Release date: 29 October, 2002

4:49 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

A small intermission...
Current mood: naughty
Category: Food and Restaurants

Okay, so I know I promised to conclude the story that I began in my last blog... But anyone that knows me knows that, although I'm not the laziest person in the world, I AM the second laziest person in the world... And that story took more effort than I would usually use up in over a fortnight. Thanks for the exercise MySpace! What a great, caring community website you really are.

That's the world's laziest man incase anyone was still wondering. He enjoys sprinkling milo on his chest. He also salivates over the smell of young females. Let's all give him a nice big round of applause.

So I just looked down and realised I have been sitting on my foot for quite some time. I don't know if any body else has ever had the privilege of sitting on thier foot until it goes numb, but personally, it is one of the most exciting things I could hope for. The possibilites for me are now endless. If I had more outgoing readers who were actually willing to comment on my blog, I would so put up some crazy SKY NEWS style voting thing, where you could choose what I should do with my foot. Seeing as I'm not sure there is any more than five people reading this, i will not put up some crazy SKY NEWS style voting thing, where you could choose what I should do with my foot. But I will make some suggestions:

NUMBER ONE
PUSH THE RED BUTTON

NUMBER TWO
PUSH THE GREEN BUTTON



NUMBER THREE
PUSHES MY BUTTONS

PLACE YOUR VOTES NOW!

Currently listening : Fractions By Decoder Ring Release date: 2005

2:17 AM - 3 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

I want my moustache to grow
Current mood: exhausted
Category: School, College, Greek

Dear Diary,

Chris here again. Thinking it would have been better to make a plan for this blog before I began writing it. Too late to turn back now though, I guess.

Alright... So boredom overcame me and after writing the first paragraph, I decided I would plan this blog. So now, family and friends, I present you with the story of my Saturday night... (Well, half of it anyway)

The day was an ordinary Saturday; filled with colours of blue and green. The sounds of summer filled the air like fresh Coca-Cola filling a fresh Coca-Cola bottle. I was Chris Foster, and I had just finished my nine-to-fiver for the day.

Once I had got home and washed the work smell from myself, I decided it was time to call my ever so attractive girlfriend, Ms Angelina Jolie-Foster (some names in this story have been replaced by less attractive persons to protect the innocent). Once we had finished chatting each other up and whatnot, we laid down the plans to meet at Gymea taxi stand. Our lives depended on being there on time. Little did we know what we were about to face.

Gymea is a dangerous enough ghetto to live in as it as. But as we stepped across the road and ended up face to face with The Pirate and The Tadd, we realised and accepted the severity of this mission.

We acted calm and collected as they looked us up and down, possibly trying to scope out any gats we was packing. Finally, as the tension started to wind down, we began to converse.

"Hey there fellows, where is it that you are heading, ya'll?" I asked, sweat beading down my face.

"Why we are on our way to Katie's slumber party old chap. Mind if we join you in a taxi ride there?" The Tadd replied, eyes ablaze with a fire that spelt out death to any fool that dare cross him.We accepted the offer. God only knows what may have happened to us otherwise.

The second I set foot in that taxi, I smelt a rat. I knew something was up, I just didn't know what it was...

I struggled to keep myself together, as the driver unleashed his hot breath down the back of my neck, demanding answers from me. The scent of whiskey was thick. I reached into my pocket and drew a note out. It told the driver what he needed to know.

The trip to Kareela is all one big blur in my mind. Thinking back I see figures in my head. All of it is one big nightmare yelling "No, Chris, you MUST TURN BACK!"

Once we arrived at our destination I leaped from the vehicle. I threw my hot girlfriend over my shoulder as I passed the driver his fee. He disappeared into the darkness, stalking more prey for his sadistic mind games. Pirate & Tadd followed us to the entrance of the party. Some kind of kung fu sensai was guarding the door.

Catheri... Angelina and I approached him first.

"Look buddy, I don't want any trouble and I'm sure you don't either. Just let me and my girlfriend into the party and we can let this slide. The name's Foster... CHRIS Foster"

There was a long pause.

"Go on in. I'll be watching you"

We proceeded quickly, as not to draw anymore unwanted attention to ourselves. All was going swell until we looked back and saw that upon entrance, The Tadd had lost his cool...

TO BE CONCLUDED...

Currently listening : Family Album By Yes Release date: 30 June, 1998

4:18 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment