Will you miss me when I’m gone?

Moving to CO has been a huge adventure. School is awesome and I am doing great. Things don't seem to bother me as much as they used to. My mental health continues to grow by leaps and bounds. My tenitive graduation date is October of 2009, but I'm hoping to get it done sooner. After I graduate I am moving back home. I need to be there for my family more now, especially my dad with all he has always done for me. His health is getting worse and it scares me. Its a big reason as to why I chose Medical Assisting (at least I will get a better understanding of how things effect him.)

I have began to realize that from now on...for the rest of my life, I will always be home sick for something. I love my friends out here so much. They have become very important to my life. I sit here now longing for home but when I get back to NC, I know I will leave a big part of my heart behind with each and every one of my special people. I know these people will be hurt because I leave them, but I hope everyone understands that its only physical that I leave. I love them so much that I will leave behind a piece of my spirit to always be there for them. And I will remain just a phone call away.

When I get back to NC I plan to actually go right back to school again. I want to become a registered nurse. Who knows what I will do after that.

I have been wondering alot lately what my life hold instore for me. I don't really see myself staying in NC if something were to happen to my dad, but I also don't know where I might want to go.....I know I'm over thinking things like this, but I have the curiosity and sence of adventure back that I lost so long ago. My confidence is restored. I am a new and wonderful person.

Anyway I haven't written in a while and I thought I should let everyone know what's going on in my world.

Love to everyone

Leslie

2:38 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

REVOLUTION

Ok so some friends got me to playing this game. check it out at AvPvM.com

Anyway, one of our members is calling for a change and is asking us to spread the word. So here it it and please copy and paste it on.

Today is the dawn of a new age. A day that I hope will bring change. Whether it be permanent or not. Whether anyone listens or not.

This isn't about religion. This isn't about the government. This isn't about me. This IS about change. A
change in society. A change in the way people think, act, perceive others, and perceive themselves.

I have had enough of this bullshit that we proudly call Modern Society. Am I saying that I want to rule over everyone? No, I just want to see a change. I want people to start thinking for themselves instead of doing what others say. Get a mind of your own people, don't just go with what is popular, or what your friends tell you to go with. Go with something you like.

Over the next few days, or weeks, or months, or however long this takes; I am going to be ranting like no other, and I want anyone who is willing to join me, to copy and paste everything I say. I want you to paste it on every website that will allow you to post things. I want to see my words everywhere I go. I want this posted in blogs. I want this posted on forums. I want it EVERYWHERE

The Revolution has begun.

2-13-08 8:00 P.M.

6:05 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

GRRRRR

OK SO MAYBE THIS IS A DRUNKIN RANT BUT I AM SICK OF THIS.

IM TIRED.....

IM TIRED OF BEING TAKEN FOR GRATED BECAUSE I DONT HAVE TO LOVE PEOPLE THE WAY I DO

IM TIRED OF BEING THE ONE WAITING BEACUSE I DONT HAVE TO BE

I AM TIRED OF GIVING BECAUSE SOMETIMES I SHOULD BE ABLE TO TAKE

I AM TIRED OF FEELING UNWORTHY BECAUSE MOTHER FUCKER I AM WORTHY

IM TIRED OF MEN BECAUSE THEY ARE ALL THE SAME

IM TIRED OF BEING ALONE BECAUCE I SHOULDNT HAVE TO BE

IM TIRED OF WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO PROVE ME WRONG BECAUSE THEY NEVER WILL

IM TIRED OF BLINDLY TRUSTING BECAUSE I WILL ALWAYS BE LET DOWN

IM TIRED OF FEELING UGLY BECAUSE NO ONE WILL TAKE THE TIME TO SHOW ME OTHERWISE EVEN THOUGH I KNOW IM NOT

IM TIRED OF BEING GOOD ENOUGH TO FUCK BECAUSE DAMN IT IM WORTH SO MUCH MORE

IM TIRED OF PEOPLE SAYING THEY CANT BE WITH ME BECAUSE THEY CANT GIVE ME WHAT I WANT BECAUSE THEY ARE UNWILLING TO TRY

IM TIRED OF BEING HURT BECAUSE PEOPLE DONT TAKE THE TIME TO SEE HOW SIMPLE THING WITH ME CAN BE

IM TIRED OF DRINKING BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO FEEL THE THINGS I DO

IM TIRED OF BEING COLD TO EVERYONE BECAUSE THATS NOT ME

IM TIRED OF LIFE, LIVING, LOVING, AND UNDERSTANDING BECAUSE I JUST DONT SEE THE POINT ANY MORE.

IF ANYONE CARES TO GIVE SOME FEED BACK GO AHEAD IF NOT THEN FUCK OFF LIKE EVERYONE THAT DOESNT CARE LIKE THEY SAY THEY DO SHOULD

1:04 AM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

It’s just how things work for me
Current mood: sad

So the wonderful guy Ive been spending all my time talking to and getting closer to has decided he isnt comming to CO. I can not be upset in the least for the reasons behind his decission. But what am I to do. Hes moving to NC. I cant go back there and to the missery I knew before and if I go back I know everything will be like it used to be. I have to stay in CO for my mental and emotional health. So to him I suggest maybe we try a long distance relationship because our feelings are un denyably strong. How can I let go so easily of someone how has always been there for me, always made me feel worthy and special, has stood by me even when I have taken my frustrations out on him when things aren't his fault, hes given me strength and confidence, and although I will never feel like I am good looking by any means, he has shown me the beauty I have inside myself. I am forever greatful for everything. I am trying to get him to see that we can be close friends but before I settle for that I think he needs to buck up and tell me exactly what he wants. He has said that he wants us to spend time together when I go back to NC to get my stuff, so I know he doesn't want to cut me out completely, but he knows how deep my feels are for him so is it too much of me to ask that he make his just as clear. What is their to fear from me? I am one of the most open minded people I know and I would listen to his feelings and respect them. I just want to know for myself whats going on in his head.

and the phone rings and now i must go. so i will finish this later

Currently listening : The Paramour Sessions By Papa Roach Release date: 19 June, 2007

12:13 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

finally in love again....i hope it sticks this time
Category: Romance and Relationships

ok so finally after being a cold bitch to the world (which seemed to be working for me) i decided to stop denying my feelings for someone that i have always cared for very much. i realized this person had done alot more for me than i wanted to give them credit for. i looked back on the short time ive known them and realized that they were there for me when no one else was except amybe one other person. i realized i had fallen in love with him very deeply despite all the reasons not to. hes planning on moving here to CO. i want to be with him so bad and he says he wants to be with me too. i love him i can not help it. he took the time to help me heal....omg i cant wait for him to be here to be able to look into his eyes then kiss him and to touch him.....everything will be wonderful.....life is finally almost perfect.

10:10 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

AH THE MUTHA FUCKIN JOYS
Category: Life

    WELL HERE IT IS....9AM.....IVE BEEN IN CO FOR LIKE A MONTH AND A HALF NOW.....IM STILL LOVING IT DESPITE MY FAMILY'S DISAPPROVAL. WELL YOU KNOW WHAT I NEVER ASKED FOR IT AND IF THEY CARED ANYTHING ABOUT ME AT ALL THEY WOULD HAVE BACKED ME UP AND BEEN HAPPY FOR ME.....FUCK THEM I DON'T NEED THEM. MY FRIEND THAT INVITED ME OUT HERE IS THE BEST FRIEND I HAVE EVER HAD. HE LISTENS WHEN I AM SAD AND CRYING. HE DOES NOT JUDGE....ONLY TRIES TO HELP AND MAKE THINGS EASIER FOR ME....THANK YOU T. YOU ARE SUCH A SWEETHEART. THEN THERE IS VIC....MY LOVE....I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR YOU. YOU ARE AMAZING. YOU PLEASENT SMILE AND THE WAY YOU LOOK AT ME MAKE MY HEART MELT. I CANNOT WAIT TILL YOU ARE THROUGH WITH YOUR TROUBLES SO WE CAN BE TOGETHER COMEPLETELY...FOREVER. YOU HAVE BROKEN DOWN THE WALLS AROUND MY HEART OR ATLEAST FOUND A TRAP DOOR AND GOTTEN IN THERE. I NEVER KNEW I WOULD BE CAPABLE OF BEING THIS HAPPY AGAIN AND I OWE THIS TO YOU. I WILL BE IN DEBT TO YOU ALWAYS AND I HOPE I CAN GIVE YOU EVERYTHING YOU WANT IN LIFE.
MY TIME HERE HAS BEEN STUCK WITH SADNESS. CAROL IS SICK. VERY SICK. WE MIGHT LOOSE HER. SHE ADOPTED ME AS HER CHILD WHEN I GOT HERE.....THE INSTANT I GOT HERE. I TOLD HER OF THE PAIN I STILL CARRY AND THE BLAME I PUT ON MYSELF FOR THE LOSS OF MY MOTHER.....SHE OFFERED TO BE THERE FOR ME LIKE A MOTHER AND SHE HAS....UNLIKE MY STEP MOM WHO COMPLAINED OF ME TALKING TOO MUCH AND DIDNT WANT MY DAD TO HELP ME WHEN I NEEDED IT.
T. VIC AND CAROL ARE WONDERFUL TO ME. THE INSTANTLY ACCEPTED ME AND WELCOMED ME INTO THEIR FAMILY. I AM HAPPY. I WILL ALWAYS HAVE A PURPOSE IN A FAMILY NOW. THEY NEED ME AS MUCH AS I NEED THEM.
ANOTHER DEPRESSING NOTE. MY REAL FAMILY HAS DISOWNED ME. NOT ONLY ME BUT MY PRECIOUS SON TOO. WE NEVER DID ANYTHING TO DESERVE THIS. WE WERE ONLY DOING WHAT WAS BEST FOR US. WE NEEDED A BREAK AND GUESS WHAT. WE ARE HAPPY NOW. HONESTLY HAPPY.....WANT PROOF.....IVE BEEN OFF MY MEDS FOR SOMETHING LIKE 3 WEEKS. YEA IVE HAD SOME DOWN MOMENTS BUT NOTHING LIKE BACK IN NC.
THIS IS MY HOME NOW. I AM HAPPY HERE. TJ IS HAPPY HERE. I WILL COME BACK TO NC AND VISIT WHEN I CAN BUT I DOUBT I WILL EVER COME BACK TO LIVE THERE UNLESS I AM DYING THEN I WOULD WANT TO BE THERE SO THAT WHEN THE BIG CHEESE AS CAROL CALLS HIM TAKES ME FROM THIS EARTH I CAN BE BURRIED BESIDE MY MOTHER OR IN THE CEMITERY OVER LOOKING THE POND WHERE TJ, MOM, AND I LIKED FEEDING THE DUCKS.
YALL FELL FREE TO COME VISIT WHEN YOU LIKE. I HAVE FOUND WITH THE MOVE I HAD VERY FEW TRUE FRIENDS OUT THERE. THE REST OF THE WORLD WERE LIARS AND HYPOCRITS.
WELL I AM VERY TIRED FROM ALL THE TIME I AM SPENDING AT THE HOSPITAL SO I AM GOING TO GO TAKE A NAP BEFORE GOING BACK THERE. PLEASE KEEP MOMMA CAROL IN YOUR HEARTS AND IN YOUR PRAYERS. SHE NEEDS THE ENTIRE WORLD PRAYING FOR HER RIGHT NOW.
OH AND UNCLE TOMMY. I MISS YOU AND MAMMAW SO MUCH AND I WILL SEE YALL WHEN I CAN BUT THANK YOU FOR BEING HAPPY FOR ME FOR BEING HAPPY. THAT MEANS THE WORLD TO ME. THANK YOU ALSO FOR NOT SCORNING ME FOR MY CHOICE OF WHO TO BE WITH. I HOPE YOU GET TO MEET HER SOMEDAY. SHE IS AMAZINGLY WONDERFUL.
AND EVERYONE I AM GONNA WORK ON NEW PICS WHEN THIS CALM DOWN MAYBE MY SWEETHEART, TJ AND I CAN HAVE SOME PICS DONE TOGETHER. VIC BABY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND I ALWAYS WILL.....THANK YOU T. FOR HELPING ME TO SEE THE LIGHT AND PUSHING ME NOT TO SHUT ANYONE OUT.
I LOVE YOU ALL....MY TRUE FRIENDS AND MY NEW FAMILY...WITHOUT YALL I WOULD STILL BE MISSERABLE

Currently listening : Konvicted By Akon Release date: 14 November, 2006

7:52 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

OY!!!!!!!!
Current mood: annoyed

Well moving across country has given me alot of time to reflect on alot of things. I am in CO now. A beautiful state. My move envoked alot of changes for me......Some I don't know how to take but I will get it all figured out sooner or later. Anyway it has also given me a chance to realize a few things about myself. One major thing I just realized as I set here at 1 in the morning is the reason why i can't ever seem to move on in life.....Yes I do hold on to the past too much. I can't seem to let go of those I have loved and lost. I always blame myself. I should have done something more. I should have done something different. I should have done something less. I should have given them more space. I need to stop blaming myself. Its just as much their fault as it is my own.
My move out here has also shown me I was wrong my entire life. So just to let the whole world know.....FAMILY does NOT mean unconditional love. No one in my family has stood by my decision to start my life over. And I mean honestly, how many people get the chance at starting over just handed to them. Well I did, and I took it. Honestly what can my family be so scared of. They keep saying they are worried about my son.....Do they really think I'm that sorry of a parent that I would let something bad happen to him. FUCK THAT!!!! He's my pride and joy, my whole world, my everything. I would beg, barrow, steal, or kill for that little boy and not think twice about it. Let me be the good mother I can be.

Ok so I have a job interview tomorrow.  (to get to the good stuff). TJ will be enrolled in his new school tomorrow too. This is a beautiful place. A big beautiful busy city with a vivid mountianous back drop. Its a wonderful chance I have here. I am a new person. For the first time in years I feel like I can heal myself and feel better and be a better mom. Hey maybe soon I can have so new pics and ya'll can see a smile.....So many of you have told me I need to smile more and I don't think a smile has really left my face sence I've been here. Thank you a million times over to the special people that have given me this chance and invited me here.
L.

Currently listening : One X By Three Days Grace Release date: 13 June, 2006

11:51 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

asshole pussy and whimp.....oh my
Current mood: amused

    its all rolled up into one 6-3 185# immature  poor excuse for a man......


here is his bolg......

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Currently listening : Every Second Counts By Plain White T's Release date: 12 September, 2006

5:02 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

girls beware of these men
Category: Romance and Relationships

ok so here it is......im making a list of men that women need to avoid.....please procced with caution if you plan on having even a friendship with these men......and if you wish to add to the list, just leave it in a comment or if you dont want the man finding out that you are warning all women to stay away email it to me and i will update this blog accordingly.

1- this is my exbf that wasnt even man enough to say no i dont want to be with you when he was constantly being asked. just up and disappeared leaving me in a financial hole. i have always treated the men i was involved with like gold untill i had reason to do otherwise. he did not care enough about our relationship to put any effort into it and later i found out he was cheating on me. now he has the balls to post a blog on his myspace saying i was the one who fucked up...hell no buddy this one is all on you....anyway ladies, here is his myspace address......please keep your distance and protect your heart ........
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=82354343

2- this is my exhusband......too many wrongs to go into here.....easiest one....just know he can never afford to give you anything because he has a total of 4 children to support and i dont know about the others but the child he has with me doesnt get provided for and never hears from him so unless you are wanting a daddyless baby....stay far far away....by the way...he hids behind a privet profile...... .http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=116154339

3-an old exbf.......just couldnt resist looking this one up for this......he didnt work, had too many exes wanting to kill him and just lies upon lies about everything. between him and my exhusband, im sure you would learn this is why i eventually lost my trust in people and why i became so cold and mean as time went on...but here he is......
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=13484403

well thats all i can think of right now.....ill update as i feel its needed

Currently listening : Every Second Counts By Plain White T's Release date: 12 September, 2006

6:50 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

botteling it all up again
Current mood: disappointed

the fight within myself subsides
as i swallow my feelings deep inside
nothing to offer
only my heart to give
i dont think that is enough
so alone i will contine to live
a great friend
and nothing more
if only you would notice me
my heart might not be so tore
i think you know
 how i feel
so here we go
ill make you a deal
promise no matter what
to always be my friend
no matter where life takes us
untill the very end
i will always be there for you

7:53 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment