Absentee ballot...

No, I have not been on myspace much lately.

Sorry. deal with it.

Anyways, Tommy and I are still trying to get situated fully into our new apartment. I still love it. I have decided to earnestly quit smoking. Already cut back down to half a pack a day, which is way better than the pack AND a half I was at less than a week ago. Loki is working on my Phoenix. It looks stellar. Hopefully I can have it colored and finished in less than a week.

Not much else going on, just working and drinking too much. I believe I am going to cut back on that.

Oh yeah, I may have to collect everyone's phone numbers again here soon. My phone died. And I threw it against a wall to make it work again. ....it didn't work.

That's all for now. message me if you want to hang out. Monday/Tuesday are my weekends.

-Clay

(oh yeah, finally got a couple of my pics upfrom my first pull (sorry kay)! go look. They're awesome)

11:58 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Things turning North....

A quick update for everyone.

I am no longer living out of my car. Tommy and I finally got the keys to our new place yesterday, and have started the moving in process. We signed a one year lease, which is probably the best thing possible for me. This is going to force me to take roots somewhere. I have a place to call my home, not somewhere I am squatting for a couple of months. It is a great feeling.

I am still in a decent hole, but have been working my way out of it. I regrettably had to sell my CB350 so far, but hopefully that will be the most extensive of the wordly possessions I must part with.

I finally learned that yes....I can live for myself. I can focus on my life and fix my life. My friends are still continually being the absolute most amazing people, helping me in ways as small as handing me a cigarette, to ways as large as feeding me when I cannot get food. And then, the most amazing act of generosity to date...:
I am insanely grateful to all the members of the Prentice Suspension group right now. They took me in last Saturday at Lenny's and gave me the opportunity to do a pull. That was by far one of the greatest experiences of my life. It put me in such a better mind frame. I am looking forward to continuing working with them, and finding ways I can contribute to them and show them the same benevolence that they showed me. I will hopefully have pictures up soon taken by the oh so amazing Heidi.

If anyone wants to come see the new place, help decorate, give up any furniture you were going to throw out, or just in general hang out, you have my number. text me. Monday/Tuesday is my weekend. Just say hi!

-Clay

12:59 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Do not ask how it can get worse....

You think you have hit bottom. You are Edward Norton. Tyler has just kissed your hand. This is a chemical burn. Scream, Cry, Yell, Holler, Whimper. it does not matter. You think you have hit bottom. You ask yourself, you tell yourself, you absolutely BEG yourself that it cannot get worse. This shit burns so bad. You try to go numb. You try to give up. You think you have hit bottom. You pretend not to care, you pretend like nothing affects you. nononono, Tyler slaps you. Fucking premature enlightenment.

It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.

So for those of you who do not know, I'm trying my best to lose everything. Homeless, in debt, selling my wordly possessions, job not paying enough, single, college drop out, sick, smoking and drinking too much, cannot finish my tattoo, cannot get pierced, destroying friendships, fucking over every one in my life, not talking to my family, car breaking down, cannot even afford to even support my pets much less myself or god forbid you say it: a family, have not seen my motorcycle in weeks (not that it matters, since it does not run right now), every little thing you can imagine going wrong.
I'm still shaking though. I'm still trying to go to my cave. I am still trying to dig myself out of my hole. And after yesterday, I am building walls again. I am shutting every one out. I am done with help from others. I am done.

I realized that I try to live my life by pleasing others. To make others happy. It has been the rejoice fish for a couple years now. He is done. No more swimming upstream. Time to retreat my friends. Time to swim downstream, and start living for me. Oh yes, I will not ask you for help. And now, if you offer it, I will most likely turn it down. Because I did this. I fucked my life up. I am the one that did a great, fun, spectacular, amazing job of screwing everything I had going for me. It has been a long time coming. Twenty four years in the making if you will. So long and thanks for all the fish.

I have managed to scare myself. That is the worst part. I have not been in this place mentally in a long long long time, so I have to get myself out. My bootstraps are frayed, but I am still going to pull myself up by them. Only reliable factor of change is yourself, so I am going to change me.

For everyone that has helped me these past couple of weeks, I love you for it, no matter who you are or how you have done it. And I thank you.

But that is it for now. I have to go look for a place.

-Clay

10:53 AM - 3 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

learn something new, take 2....(it rhymes!!)

I don't have to wait for the end of the day for this one. Plus it gets its own separate blog.

6/12: When life is totally, completely, 100% fucked, THAT is when you find out how truly awesome your friends are. And as it turns out friends aren't friends, they're family.

I could get used to that!

So, thanks to all of those friends. Everyone that has come out and seen me, taken me out and fed me, offered something for me to do for money (hahahaha! that sounds awesome), texted me, called me, hugged me, smiled at me, offered support or help in whatever way they could, even just sent happy thoughts my way. You kiddos rock! I'm keeping my head above water because of ya'll.

{end gay sappiness.....now.}

Oh and by the way, if you get bored tonight, tomorrow night, Saturday during the day, or Sunday ALL day, you know where to find me. Limerick Junction. Come have a beer, I'll do the cooking. And if it continues to be as slow as it was the past few days, I'll probably be able to have a beer with you also.

11:44 AM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

I learn something new everyday....

So I just got this absolutely fabulous idea. Totally on my own. Didn't steal it from anyone....
This blog will be updated (hopefully) daily with one thing I learned the day before. cause it turns out you learn something new everyday....

6/4: Washing dishes one handed is an incredibly annoying task.
6/5: Tourists in Atlanta that look like douchebags really want to find somewhere to "get wild" at. Because bars where everyone is super dressed up isn't "wild enough". I hate douchebags.....and bars where everyone is dressed for prom.
6/6: All people want that which they will never have. Period.
6/7: I apparently have a passion for hooks. Big hooks.
6/8: Jager added to 15+ hours of work wasn't a good idea two years ago, and still isn't.
6/9: Your mouth can work and say things on its own, while your brain is screaming at it and telling it that it is a complete moron for flapping.
6/10: Making $9 at work is not a really fun time.
6/11: Watching your apartment fall apart around you while you are standing in it with no power is ALSO not a really fun time.
6/12: (see other blog) and I say awesome too much.
6/13: Breathing attacks in the middle of the night are not attractive.
6/14: When you having walking pneumonia...apparently you have to catch your breath after every time you try to walk up a SINGLE flight of stairs to take out trash.
6/15: Never think a day is bad if you start if off with a double tall Irish Coffee.
6/16: This was a rough one. I learned a shit ton. But the best is by far that just when you keep asking "can it get any worse?" THAT is when god says yes. lerve, 3:59, free bar tabs, friends rule, moving out sucks, fooseball table are great, but guess what....KARMA SUCKS! and traffic still sucks on I-75 at 2 in the afternoon. Fuck GA DOT.
6/17: Bums will steal anything, including coolers of soda. Grawr.
6/18: I miss all my improv kids.
6/19: Breakfast in bed is still tasty. and I hate public laundromats. They are expensive.
6/20: Cats can open refrigerators. and eat leftover spaghetti.
6/21: I miss volume bartending.
6/22: My car has by far the most random shit in it. All Hail The Birthday Princess!
6/23: German's make the best gummy bears ever.
6/24: Charred pan fried green beans are totally teh delicious.
6/25: Apparently I think dragon butts are gorgeous.
6/26: Socks are very vomit absorbing. {shudders}
6/27: Using sledge-o-matic is one of the most fun things ever. Especially on stage. At the punchline. And then handing it personally to Gallagher.
6/28: Showering with out hot water makes for a miserable time.
6/29: Even if you have hunted whitetail deer for your whole life, you can still suck at a video game of hunting wildebeest. DON'T SHOOT THE BITCHES!
6/30: Waking up to being evicted in the apartment you are not really staying in makes your morning not so much fun. But putting down the deposit on your new place kicks ass!
7/1: You can trade samples of iced tea and sunscreen for beers at a bar.
7/2: One shot for a number, two for taking them home. There is a special place in hell reserved for me.
7/3: When a singer starts puking, you do not make money...
7/4: Holding 4 lit bottle rockets in your hand at once can be hazardous.
7/5: There is no other feeling in the world like hooks. pictures pending.
7/6: Sitting in a car outside of jail can be unnerving.
7/7: Ga power employees are either a) the laziest people ever or b) the dumbest fuckers ever.
7/8: Cigarettes have perforation around the filter. who knew.
7/9: Drunk buckhead girls have a thing for buying me shots. I'm cool with that. As long as they also tip.

7/10-8/23: All of these entries have been deleted due to the insanely graphic nature of them.....or maybe I just never got online to update it. You choose whichever is better for you.

8/24: When you are really drunk, and your phone is not working right, you throw it against the wall. This will DEFINITELY aid you in being able to contact people. Yeah. that was a great idea.
8/25: French vanilla coffee makes your apartment smell less like cats.


Hooray. More to come everyday.







(thanks Heidi)

5:40 PM - 6 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Need some manual labor done?

So I need money.
Badly.
Horribly.

If you have a lawn to be mowed, a house to be painted, oil to be changed in a car, anything that you think i can do, then PLEASE text me.
(678) 592-7023

I am on it. Let me know.
Thanks,
Clay

11:57 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

hahahah....grrreat

Good afternoon.
Hope everyone is doing well.....
new pics have been tagged by heidi. including the aftermath insanity of sunday afternoon that might should've landed me in the hospital. Long story short, I cut my hand open on a beer tap handle. It wasn't pretty, since it went across the webbing between my thumb and index finger....but we all know how stubborn I am.
My car is for sale. $1600. Let me know if you are interested, or know anyone that is.
I am working tonight, saturday day, and all day sunday (open to close) at Limerick Junction. Come out and visit me! Every single one of your. Srsly! We'll be showing soccer and I will be cooking food. And of course you can order tasty adult beverages.
Life is a whirlwind right now, but I have one focus right now (coughrentcough). So sorry if you want to go out and play, I can't right now.

Speaking of playing, A child's rhyme stuck in my head for weeks now:

"So good to see you.
I've missed you so much.
So glad it's over.
I've missed you so much.
Came out to watch you play.
Why are you running away?
Came out to watch you play.
Why are you running away?"

Most of you should recognize where that comes from....

Anyways. Give me a couple of weeks to get back on my feet, and I'll be the good ole happy go lucky Clay we all know and love.
Thats all for now
-the Clay

10:54 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

current life in sentence fragments

Life-met collisions abound:

unemployed for fun. stung by a jellyfish in bioluminescent dark. evil waffle and not so much omelets with old friends. peeling like a leper. less money than a bum on the street. awakened by butterfly colonies. a 15% return rate on text message bar invites. phone tag with a landlord for bouncing paper. burnt out heat lamps for reptiles. over used litter box for growing kitten. half built project bar in my dining room. inoperable CB that's insured after being laid down. expiring health insurance. endless white sand framing imagined escape. winding roads nervous in half consciousness. text message endings. text message re-beginnings. text message wisdom. text message hell. text message comfort. half finished tattoo project still not off the ground. school impending. lack of drumming intolerable. loathing to sleep alone. missed interview call. countless comments on looking happier by being a technical non-employee at Limerick, but a for sure non-employee at DHT. asleep with a fluff ball curled at my side. longing to reclaim being a fish in water all summer. nervous to talk with parents. happy to talk with parents. glad that I can now talk to parents. refusal to accept mistakes. watching mistakes bust lifes doors open, disregarding security and willingness. utter amazement at the happy places your mind can go. absolute terror at where your mind can go. throwing advice. deflecting advice. remembering advice. laughing at advice. crying at advice.
Crying again. finally. missed it so much.
burnt up, burnt out, burnt down, burnt nose, burnt heart.

fragments make a whole. wholes are non-existent. just pieces lobbed together. attempts to make sense out of the abstract. lose yourself in rational thought.
Find yourself in the unknown.

9:23 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

alright alright alright....an update.

Damn, I wish someone else would complain because they can't read my past couple of blogs.....

hehe. Well, by popular demand, here is something for everyone to read:

We will start with work. My tenure with Dark Horse Tavern will be ending on May 11th. I have realized that my job there is not what I need right now, especially with school looming. I am going back to Perimeter full time in the fall, and will not have time to be at DHT for 60+ hours a week. So I am looking around currently for a serving or (preferably) a bartending gig that I can work. This will give me a lot more free time, and cut my stress level down by about 60%. So if anyone hears of anything, let me know.

Also, I am going to Puerto Rico in a couple of weeks with Devon. THAT will be a nicely needed break from Atlanta. I am excited for beaches, the ocean, and hanging out with my girl.

My car got impounded about a month ago. I have it back now, but have a looming court date coming up.

I am going today to hopefully fix up my motorcycle. THAT will be awesome. I wil be happy as a pig in shit.

I have stopped work on my chest piece right now (Sorry Loki) since I obviously need to be focusing my financial responsibilities elsewhere for the time being.

I am in general pretty happy with the direction my life is going, because I am resetting and rebuilding a lot of things.

Oh yeah. I have a new laptop. hence the reason I am actually online bothon myspace AND on my AIM screenname again. Iced Purgatory. say hi. make sure I know who I am talking to also.

That should be it for right now. I am hopefully going to be posting some writings up soon.

-Clay

11:23 AM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Revisitation
Current mood: numb

Instructions for Self Destruction

"Of course it doesnt work!"
"Of course it doesnt work!"
he keeps muttering
as his great machine falls apart
His automaton becoming his life

A frenzy of tools
Kept him going as he attempted
To piece it back together

Legs, arms
Chest, toe, ear
Eye.
Knees, joints,
Mouth, feet, hands.

"Thank God it doesnt have a heart!"
"Thank God it doesnt have a heart!"
he keeps musing
Not noticing a great man fall apart
His life becoming his automaton.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Been a while since I have read this. I have started a painting about it.

It’s pertinent to me right now. Cause it feels weird not to have a heart.

now where did those flaming bags of shit go...... I need alternative energy.

4:08 PM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment