Hit the Switch.

Yeah, my new profile song is "gay." Bright Eyes is "gay."
Here are the lyrics. Suck it!

Hit The Switch

I'm staring out into that vaccum again 

From the back porch of my mind

The only thing thats alive

I'm all there is



And I start attacking my vodka, stab the ice with my straw

My eyes have turned red as stoplights, you seem ready to walk

You know I'll call you eventually, when I wanna talk 

'Til then you're invisible. 



'Cause theres a switch that gets hit and it all stops making sense 

And in the middle of drinks, maybe the fifth or the sixth

I'm completely alone at a table of friends

I feel nothing for them. I feel nothing, nothing



Well, I need a break from the city again 

I think I'll ship myself back west 

I got a friend there, she says, "hey, any time." 

Unless that offers expired, I have been less than frequent 

she's under no obligation to indulge every whim 

And I'm so ungrateful, I take, she gives and forgives

And I keep forgetting it



And each morning she wakes with a dream to describe

Something lovely that bloomed from her beautiful mind

I said "I'll trade you one for two nightmares of mine

I have some where I die, I have some where we all die." 



I'm thinking of quitting drinking again

I know i said that a couple times

And I'm always changing my mind, well, i guess i am

But theres this burn in my stomach and theres this pain in my side 

And when I kneel at the toilet

And the mornings clean light pours in through the window 

Sometimes I pray I don't die 

I'm a goddamn hypocrite 



But the night rolls around and it all starts making sense 

There is no right way or wrong way, you just have to live

And so I do what I do and at least I exist

What could mean more than this? 

What would mean more? 

Mean more? 

ohhhh

4:56 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Who is your favorite Beatle?
Current mood: distractable

I think your favorite Beatle says something about you. And if you hate the Beatles, I think that says something about you too, even though I think you should try to pick the one you find the least repulsive.

Please reply. Please also explain why they are your favorite.

I might turn this into something a bit later.

Currently listening : So This Is Goodbye By Junior Boys Release date: 12 September, 2006

1:14 PM - 22 Comments - 18 Kudos - Add Comment

For the 5 people on the planet who haven’t seen this yet.

I'm obsessed with it.

Currently listening : Death Church By Rudimentary Peni Release date: 16 April, 1995

11:46 PM - 8 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

My puuurrrrrfect X-mas gift.
Current mood: cold

This isn't just a good gift for me, it's a good gift for anyone. If you never knew what "the gift that keeps on giving" ever actually meant, this is it.

GO HERE

Currently listening : Junkyard By The Birthday Party Release date: 16 May, 2000

10:56 PM - 4 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

:: Breakcore Gives Me Wood ::
Current mood: amused

I found the documentry. It's only half an hour and I very much enjoy it. Some of my favorite artists are on it.

Currently listening : We Never Sleep By Drop the Lime Release date: 30 May, 2006

7:42 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Breakcore Documentary.

I wanna see it. LOL @ Aaron (Venetian Snares) being a dick.


To see an amazing video by Droon GO HERE and click the video link.
I promise you won't regret it.

11:37 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

The faithful = old dogs?
Current mood: high

Currently listening : Kronos Quartet Performs Philip Glass By Joan Jeanrenaud Release date: 07 February, 1995

2:44 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Is it weird?
Current mood: curious

Is it weird to not care if anyone likes me and still want to make everyone happy?
I don't mean by touching them in a personal way, like making them coffee in the morning or picking the eyelash off of their cheek, or telling them that I care for them, but something much more... ambiguous.
Like something I can do to be linked to everyone without them knowing it. Something that makes people happy without even knowing I exist.

But I can't touch everyone unless I suddenly gain the power to place a lucky penny for everyone or make the sky blue (or gray for some of us)... or the power to make art… or more art, rather.
Not being able to personally contribute to the happiness of everyone is frustrating.
Sometimes it's hard enough to contribute to my own personal happiness. I know I have a lot to contribute, because I feel that I do.
What do you think is more beneficial, causing someone you don't know one moment of unadulterated and completely random happiness or trying to work on the unhappiness you've caused yourself and those you love? But if the happiness people have experienced in life is not out-weighed their unhappiness, what reason is there to live, right? Provided this unhappiness was not self-inflicted. To exist without proper happiness ratio seems rather Kafkaesque, doesn't it?

If you are reading this just know that I care about you even if I don't know you.
This is my today's contribution to your happiness. The fact that you are alive is important to me and I hope your day goes very, very well.

Currently reading : Hunger: A Novel By Knut Hamsun Release date: 28 February, 1998

11:08 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

I’m turning 24 next month :(
Current mood: shocked

Why me, God? Why?!?

Currently listening : Songs to Learn and Sing By Echo & the Bunnymen Release date: 25 October, 1990

2:02 AM - 4 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

My contribution to lessening bulletin board spam.
Current mood: geeky

learn about me!

Learn 50 things about your friends, and let them learn 50 things about you!

1. How tall are you?
- 5'10 and a half.

2. Have you ever done heroin?
- Nope, but I did use to work with heroin addicts.

3. Do you own a gun?
- Nope, I hate them.

4. Do you recycle?
- But of course!

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
- YES.

6.What do you think about hot dogs?
-

7. What's your favorite Christmas song?
- Fuck Christmas by Fear.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
- COFFEE.

9. Can you do push ups?
- Maybe like four. I have spaghetti arms.

10. Is your bathroom clean?
- It's not too bad.

11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
- My black bracelets. They never come off.

12. Do you like painkillers?
- When I'm in pain.

13. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
- I just do what Buggs Bunny doesto get Elmer Fudd or Yosemite Sam's attention. I learned all my moves from Looney Tunes.

16. Middle Name?
- Nicole

17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment:
1. I need chapstick
2. I wonder if it's going to rain tomorrow
3. Should I make some cocoa right now? Y/N?

18. Name the last 3 things you have bought:
1. Groceries
2. New hair brush.
3. Pink Vitawater

19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink:
1. Coffee
2. Water
3. Fresca

20. Who is your hero?
- Jeff Goldblum

21. Last person you called?
- My grandma in California.

22. Current worry?
- My aunt's health.

23. Current hate?
- Worrying about my auntie's health.

24. Favorite place to be?
- London!

25. How did you ring in the new year?
- Spent it with my friends and Family at Lake Tahoe.

26. Where would you like to go?
- London.

27. Do you own slippers?
- Many pairs.

28. What shirt are you wearing?
- A green one.

29. Do you burn or tan?
- Tan

30. Favorite color(s)?
- Green

31. Do You Have A Crush?
- Not really. Just imaginary people.

32. What's The Name Of Your Crush?
- ...

33. What songs do you sing in the shower?
- I sing Hedwig songs.

34. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
- Skeletor from He-man or mimes/clowns, usually. Also Bloody Mary.

35. What's in your pockets right now?
- Nuffing.

36. Last thing/person that made you laugh?
- My dog because he chases squirrels in his sleep.

37. Best bed sheets as a child?
- I at one point had New Kids on the Block bed sheets. I wish I still had them.

38. Worst injury you've ever had?
- My brain :(

39. Are you doing anything else right now?
- Listening to music.

40. How many TVs do you have in your house?
- 3, I think.

41. Who is your loudest friend?
- Wow, I have a lot of loud friends. Hard to choose. Maybe Deidre, Aaron or Krissy.

42. Who is your most silent friend?
- My dog.

43. Does someone have a crush on you?
- Hell if I know.

44. Do you wish on shooting stars?
- I have before.

45. What is your favorite book?
- Perfume by Patrick Susskind

46. What is your favorite candy?
- That's like asking a parent to pick their favorite child. I just can't.

47. What song do/did you want played at your wedding?
- I don't think I'm going to get married but I remember at one point saying I wanted Rasputina to play at it. I didn't care what.

48. What song do you want played at your funeral?
- Ding-Dong the Witch is Dead

49. What were you doing @ 12 AM last night?
- Don't remember.

50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up this morning?
- How muggy it was.

Currently listening : An End Has a Start By Editors Release date: 17 July, 2007

1:20 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Hi, this is me not caring.
Current mood: apathetic

Yep, I stopped caring. Screw this noise. I'm an awesome writer and I'm going back to my life. Watch the fuck out.

Hurting sucks. I'm going to use it to win some more awards or something.

Currently listening : The Back Room By Editors Release date: 21 March, 2006

10:09 PM - 3 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

I got a new bike!!!
Current mood: determined

And it was cheap too! It's a Jaguar! Isn't it sweet? This is the second bike I have ever owned.

I'm getting a car soon, but I also just wanted something to troll around my neighborhood on since there is so much close by. I just rode home from the nearby grocery store with a six pack of Red Stripe hanging from my handlebars. My new bike has been Christened.

Still sad, but I have a bike. Go me!

Currently watching : Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (Two-Disc Special Edition) (Harry Potter 3) Release date: 23 November, 2004

7:47 PM - 5 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

Hello from Sunny Columbus, Ohio.
Current mood: optimistic

So the trip was decent. I had a lot to think about. Before I left my 82-year-old grandmother held my hand (she's so tiny!) and told me that she knows when she sees me next I will have changed back into my old self. That she could feel it. While small elderly people usually have the stigma of being wise and all knowing, my grandmother isn't always right (Yoda she is not). You see, she believes in real miracles. The kind where statues of Mary cry blood and women in the Philippines can turn the host into flesh and blood in their mouths.

People see what they want to see.

I found out something about my dad this trip. He is lonely. He and his wife have been separated for over 6 months and they had neglected to tell my brother and me out of not wanting us to "worry." If his marriage fails this will be divorce number 3. His wife lives four blocks away and they still try to do things together but always end up fighting. We drove by her house today but didn't go over to say hello. I didn't find out they were separated until the day before we left San Francisco. I also found out that my dad finally bought his Harley Davison.

For four days my father in me sat mostly in comfortable silence. We joked. He tried to offer me pot because I was crying on the bay bridge. Smoking pot near or with my dad would have been too weird, so I didn't.

Having a broken heart is a funny thing. I know its cliché, but love songs really do make you sad. Especially those corny ones you like, like "Your Song," by Elton John and "Love Cats," by the Cure. Everything reminds you of something else. Every story I wanted to tell my dad had something to do with dylan so I just didn't say anything. So we just chased those yellow dashes from state line to state line in back or road rage, in back of trucks with bumper propaganda, "It's not a choice, it's a child!" listening to Sufjan Stevens "Feel the Illionoise!" And I felt it, and I thought of all the times dylan and I wanted to run in a corn field together and my dad would make fun of us and say, "You wanna run though them backwards! Huhhuhuhh!" and we never saw one. The road was a zipper to 2,500 miles of pants made of corn fields. Betwixt the field fences and the road were rows of wild sunflowers, their faces starring at the sky well into the evening. How optimistic.

As we arrived in town today there was Shakespeare the park. I love Shakespeare because of adaptation and interpretation. Although his writing voice remained constant the whole of his carrier, some people think he might have never actually existed. That Shakespeare was several people. Some of these theories came from evidence of different handwritings and signatures, as well as inability for scholars to pinn down major aspects of his life. And yet to me, it doesn't matter who or what he is, really. I just get a kick out of the different way in which he is taught and preformed. Today in the park they were doing Othello as though the story took place in the 1960's. Good Ol' Shakey. A million signatures and only one voice. You can only say William Shakespear so many ways but he tried and so does everyone else. The park was full and even though the sitting area was uncovered, the direction of the sun was just so that everyone could sit in the shade.

The house is so different. The dinning room table is gone. In its stead, stacks of boxes, brand new Harley Davison boots and jackets strewn about, plastic bags, old wedding presents in boxes. The art is missing from the walls. All of her books are gone as well. She took the dog and even took the can opener which my father having been separated from her for six months had not realized had been missing until today. First thing I did before I made dinner was clean the kitchen. It was a mess. I want my dad to take better care of himself.

Somehow I feel like my dad and I are both orphans in this right now. He is a champion of broken hearts though and I'm just rookie. Or maybe he is really just a love flunky who doesn't know how to be alone. Either way, plans will go forward. I will unpack and get a job. I will see specialist and take care of my health problems. I will register for a poetry class to keep my craft limber. I will help my dad buy a new dining room table and be there for him as he either is reunited with or divorces his wife.

I can feel our combined loneliness in this house and even though it is really sad and overwhelming at moments there is also something optimistic about it.

I am sure I won't fit in here because I have always been weird. The girl who doesn't step on cracks when she walks and names inanimate objects. The girl who hugs strangers and feels awkward around friends. The girl that tried the school cafeteria tapioca pudding because everything deserves and first and fair chance. Even pudding that looks like fish eyes. And though I am certain I will feel more out of place here than I have felt anywhere in a great while, I know that the friends I make here will be very special because they will have given someone who my seems odd to them a first and fair chance. And if I don't meet anyone that's okay too. I'm here to get well and save money. I'll save all of my social energy for England. I am a sunflower well into the evening.

Currently listening : I Megaphone By Imogen Heap Release date: 14 November, 2006

1:31 AM - 3 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

The first time I've ever truly woken up alone.
Current mood: depressed

This morning I woke up at my ex-boyfriend's house. Everyone was gone. Every friend. Every well-wisher. Even him.
He had left to go to the airport. He had left to go to the airport so he could fly to Berlin to be with his new 20-year-old girlfriend.

When I woke up no one was in the house. Literally. It was already clean and there was only me.

This is the first time I've ever truly woken up alone.

Currently reading : The Girl in the Flammable Skirt: Stories By Aimee Bender Release date: 17 August, 1999

9:54 AM - 4 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

I am the best inventor ever.
Current mood: impressed
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural

First of all I would like to state that I don't normally take sugar in my coffee. Last night however, I felt like it would be a pleasant addition to my regular cup.

Problem: I am out of sugar

So after about 10 minutes of looking for stolen sugar packets I began rummaging around in my refrigerator. There it was! An almost brand new bottle of Mrs. Butterworth's pancake syrup! I added some to my Trader Joe's organic, fair trade breakfast coffee and the rest is history! Well not too distant history... but still.

Currently listening : Ex Hex By Mary Timony Release date: 19 April, 2005

8:50 AM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment