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What is love?
Category: Writing and Poetry
Before I begin I'd like to clarify for those that take a malicious interest in my love life that this is not a sign that I'm involved with anyone. I told a friend that I would expand upon a question she asked me and that's all this is. I've decided to do it here because I'm sure she's not the only one with this question. So please, don't start harassing me about my love life and or try to meddle in it because there's nothing to meddle in. I, unfortunately, do not have a good woman at my side at the time of this writing.
I was recently talking to a young friend of mine who often asks for advice concerning relationships. Am I any wiser than other people she may talk to about these kinds of things? I doubt it. Am I more honest? Probably so. I have no problem telling some one they are being stupid or making a bad decision and then telling them why. This is perhaps why she, and other people, keeps coming back to me for advice.
I'm all about responsibility. You see, I've always been about responsibility for yourself but during my divorce I was ordered to go to anger management meetings. Am I an angry person? Depends on who you talk to, some would say I have more patience than Job. Others, usually those that have pushed me way beyond human tolerance, would say my wrath is second only to Gods. Either way, that is not the reason for the anger management. Almost every male, and a few rare females, in the 4th Circuit courts going through a divorce are ordered to go to anger management. I thought it was a scam to make an already expensive and emotionally painful situation even worse. I still think it is a scam but there are those that need it and me being the person I am, I try to take something beneficial from every experience I have; even the bad ones. In this particular experience I clarified and developed my early feelings about responsibility.
The councilor made one very important statement. "You are responsible for what you do. If you are only responsible for 1% of what happened then take responsibility for that 1%. Don't blame anyone else for your choices."
You see, we are ultimately responsible for our own choices. I'm sure there are those that have been in horrible and tragic relationships that would say it wasn't their fault. Well they would be right. They were not responsible for some one abusing them but they were responsible for getting into that relationship and staying in that relationship. Take my own failed marriage. I chose to marry the person I did. I chose to remain in the marriage for the time I did. The same goes for the person I was in the marriage with. For our own reasons we entered into that marriage and we stayed in that marriage for the time we did. Doesn't matter what excuse we decide to give as our reasons for staying in that marriage, we are ultimately responsible for entering into that relationship and staying in it for the time we did.
So what does this have to do with anything? Simple, the young friend asked me what love is. Love is the ultimate acceptance of responsibility. You can't choose who you love but you can choose to accept that love and you can choose how to act upon that love.
To understand the responsibility of love a person has to really understand what love is. The first thing a person has to remember is that love comes in many different forms. There is the love of a child. Love for a pet. Love of the body, also known as lust but often confused with love. Love of family. The list goes on. So when my young friend asked me what I thought love was my first question was what kind of love. I knew what she meant but I wanted her to understand that there was more than one kind of love so I asked her, "Which type do you mean?" Of course she asked me what types there were so I gave her a short list. She commented about how many there were but focused on the type of love two people have for each other that binds them for life. I explained to her that it was an involved explanation but gave her a short explanation at the time. I told her that I would expand on it later and probably write a blog about it. And that brings us back here to answer the question of what love is?
What is love? In its simplest terms it is a chemical reaction caused by the interaction, historically speaking, of a man and a woman for the purposes of reproduction. Endorphins, and various other chemicals, are released into the brain causing pleasure and an addictive response to the person that is being interacted with. Chemical addiction, a pretty nifty and simple concept to ensure the continuation of a species isn't it? That's what scientist would have a person believe. But that's not what love is. That's what love does.
So what is love? Well there is no clear explanation. Poets and writers have been attempting to try and explain what love is since the realization that there was something more to it than the exchanging of bodily fluids for reproductive purposes. All have failed to totally encompass what love is and I shall probably do the same. So what is it that makes love so difficult to explain? We do. That's right, you, me and every other person on the face of the planet that engages in the act of loving another person. As humans we must assign meaning to something; it is in our very nature. We think and as we think we must find understanding. To find understanding there must be meaning and so the simple act of reproduction becomes very complicated as we quest for the meaning of the feelings we have for another person. So again, what is love?
Well let's start with the simple stuff and progressively get more complicated and painful.
Love is a kiss. When you walk by the person you love and kiss them just because you can, on the head or the nose or wherever. Love is that gentle kiss that builds into a passionate need to taste the other person's lips. It's the gentle kiss in the rain when you're holding the person close to keep them warm. It's that kiss that says, "I love you with everything that I am."
Love is when the person fits you, that is to say, when you hold the person they fit into your arms. When you and your love hold each other it's almost as if you are one being. They curve into your arms and your body communicates to them your love. That doesn't mean sex. That means simple touching. That means comfort. That means being able to communicate your love through simple touch.
Love is hearing the person's voice and having your heart swell with the love you feel for them. It's longing to hear that person's voice when you first wake up and wishing it was the last thing you heard before you go to sleep. Love is the pain you feel when you don't get to hear that persons voice each day. It's when you can sit there and listen to the person when you don't really care about what they have to say but take joy in just hearing them talk. It's when their voice is music to your ears.
Love is when you wake up at night because the person isn't near you. Their very absence leaves you incomplete. It's when you look at the person laying beside you and you ask God what you did to deserve such a wonderful creature. It's when they put their cold feet against you and instead of recoiling you pull them closer to warm them up. It's when you find yourself realizing that you think their snoring is cute even when it's keeping you awake at night.
Love is standing by the side of the person you care for as a friend while you wait on them to grow. You patiently wait until you two can have the relationship you both want. You open up your heart for them when they are ready and close it down when they become afraid. You wait for them even though it hurts you so badly you cry at night with the pain of longing for them. Still, you stand by their side as a friend. You take what little bits of their heart they share with you in the hopes that they will some day realize just how safe they are with you.
Love is protecting the person you care for even when it requires you to make sacrifices. You protect them even when it hurts you. No matter how much emotional pain you must endure you are there for them. You hold them when they are hurt and need some one to turn to. You give up parts of your life for them. You do it gladly because you know without them part of you is missing.
Love is standing against the world. It is knowing you will gladly face whatever challenges come your way. It is the strength to stand tall in the face of whatever may come, all for the one you care for. It is standing there taking the pain and suffering the world would give your loved one no matter how much of you is torn apart in the process.
Love is staying awake at night when your mate is sick and taking care of them and then going to work the next day only to come home to take care of them again at night. It is staying awake weeks at a time with almost no sleep all to take care of the one you care for.
Love is not forgiving the person you care for but loving them enough to accept them for who they are. Sure, there will be times you get angery at the things the one you love does but you won't ever be angery at them.
Love is when you grow enough to accept responsibility for who you are. It is when you are responsible enough to look at the person you love and realize that person didn't make you love them; you chose to love them. You are responsible for loving that person, they only gave you the opportunity to love them.
Love is the ultimate acceptance of responsibility. Not only for yourself and the choices you make but for another humans life and future. It is accepting the fact that the love you share with the other person is your responsibility.
Love is the acceptance of the opportunity to make your life and the person you are with a happier place.
Well that's my speech on what love is. It doesn't put me in the ranks of the great writers but hopefully it will give you the reader something to think about.
12:27 AM
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