Skinned
Current mood: Ir rash onal
Category: Ir rash onal Writing and Poetry

Our skin grows thinner as we grow older
imperfections become more visible.
Lines and wrinkles, freckles
Scars
We bruise more easily
we cut deeper.
We take longer to heal
Scars
Some of which are only visible to ourselves,
some, to everyone.
And then there are the scars that can be seen
by the few
who can still
make them bleed.
We take longer to heal
Our skin grows thinner

Currently listening : Fleshwounds By Skin Release date: 2003-09-22

2:47 PM - 6 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Cover Up
Current mood: nostalgic
Category: Writing and Poetry

Because you leave something behind
you think you can come back anytime and be welcomed.
What was it this time?
Bits of broken tiles and glass
I found them in the shed
found one in my heart.
Black and grey ink
your portrait, your mark on me.

Blue was never your color
blue is how you made me feel
When I looked at myself,
I always saw what you left behind
I have clearer vision now
and see only wasted time
No reason to come back now,
I've covered you up in blue.

Currently listening : Toxicity By System of a Down Release date: 2001-08-22

4:56 AM - 8 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

Get Out Alive
Current mood: sweaty
Category: Writing and Poetry

His hands on my skin awakened every nerve ending, until I was vibrating under his touch. My perspiration added an electric sensation when combined with the breeze blowing through the window. His lips sent bolts of lighting deep down to the end of a Brazilian summer, where he was teasing me unmercifully. Making me beg for him, beg for all of him.

We talked about it for months. Flirting and innuendo at first, then full blown verbal indescretion. Okay, phone sex. He was better at delivering it, I, at enjoying it. We were never going to cross the line. We couldn't. We had too much to lose.

An occasional glance over at the mirror was all it took to keep it going longer than either of us thought possible. Our reflection seemed foggy at this point, maybe it was the sweat running into my eyes. His or mine? Looking up at him, then back into the mirror, the reflection seemed more real than the weight of his body on mine. I could feel it building, the desperation, the urgency, the synchronism. The fire in my belly had spread and was now in my legs. I wanted to scream, but I couldn't find my voice. He whispered something, what? Then sunk his teeth into my neck. God, what did he say?

"Phone. Your cell phone is ringing. You fell asleep in front of the tv. Want me to get it, Babe?"
"No thanks, I can do it." God, I hope it's him.

Currently listening : One X By Three Days Grace Release date: 2006-06-13

4:30 AM - 8 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Butterflies In Boxes
Current mood: bitchy
Category: Writing and Poetry

You left this morning, i heard you
it was time, you're never subtle about it
I lay there in silence, surrounded by them
remembering your smell, looking up at them..
This could be easier, I could be more like you
I roll over and look at my favorite, Hemiceratoides hieroglyphica
She sucks the tears from sleeping birds and mammals
I know why I love her, I think of you again
The morning breeze summons me, I resist it's call
Blue swallowtails, skippers, La Luna, the dream weaver
The sizzle of the match, the bouquet of dark roast Sumatra
The spell is broken, I am exactly like you.

Currently listening : Ball By Iron Butterfly Release date: 1999-11-16

11:00 AM - 5 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Desert Thunderstorm
Current mood: Warm
Category: Warm Writing and Poetry

I am dry, the sand
the rocks my hands
reaching to touch, feel
emptiness

Mountainous legs open
the wind cuts me wider
I cry for fulfillment
I hear your distant answer

The sun burning
heat building in hills
trapped in valleys
I felt you whisper, coming closer

Your lenticular eyes
looking down on me
I want to close mine
But I want to see and feel
as you come closer, touch, open

Your nimbus surrounds me
I open myself fully
I drink your passion, ferocity
You engulf me, own me
Saturate me with energy

You follow my hills and my valleys
filling me with laughter
waking up tomorrow
tempering my emptiness, lonliness

I close my eyes to your flashy ending
but listen to your moaning,
I'll remember
I already feel the heat starting to build again

Currently listening : Atom Heart Mother By Pink Floyd Release date: 1990-10-25

1:03 PM - 8 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

Security Blanket
Current mood: Buzzed
Category: Buzzed Writing and Poetry

Another beautiful sunset. Red hot fire in the sky. But then the darkness comes. The sky darkens, my mood darkens. But nothing can touch the darkness I feel in my heart.

The drive home is silent, eternal. I know what is waiting for me there. We drive west, into the sunset. I try to focus on the beauty, the colors. Changing, deepening. But I already feel the darkness creeping in. A shiver surprises me, forcing me to sit up straight and refocus my attention on the fading sunset. We're almost home now. My hands are starting to shake a little now.

The sound of the door closing behind me startles me into action. I pick up the blanket and wrap it around my head. It's a small blanket, baby sized. Just big enough for my head and shoulders. I only leave my face exposed, it's easier to breathe if I leave my face uncovered.

This doesn't take long. It's usually over in fifteen minutes. I remember a couple times it took about a half hour and I thought I was going to die. I had trouble breathing, the blanket slipped over my face and my arms were pinned behind my back and I thought I was going to suffocate. If I don't struggle, it usually goes pretty fast, just one quick stick and then I start to relax.
There it is. And now I start to cry. I hate that I cry. The blanket smells like tears and fabric softener. It didn't hurt this time, I think I might be getting used to it.

I take the blanket off my head and lay back and close my eyes. It didn't take very long tonight. I didn't struggle. Now I just think about driving west. I always think about driving west, and the red hot sunset.

Currently listening : B.R.M.C. By Black Rebel Motorcycle Club Release date: 2001-04-03

8:53 PM - 7 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

Absolute Zero
Current mood: numb
Category: Writing and Poetry

If it had taken longer, I might feel better about myself. Better about my ability to know the difference between what is real and what is a dream. Now I can never be sure.

I still wake up in the morning. I think I wake up in the morning. My dreams are still with me. I used to have a source of confirmation I went to every day, to help me separate that which was real from fantasy. That source was a dream. I woke up too soon. I think I woke up. No way to confirm it now.

The darkness of the night follows me through the day. No stars here. No moon.
Standing, arms outstretched, eyes closed, I feel a pull as if I am smoke being drawn into a vacuum. Swirling.......vanishing.
I feel absolute zero.

Currently listening : Year of the Spider By Cold Release date: 2003-05-13

8:16 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Something To Fall Back On
Current mood: mellow
Category: Writing and Poetry

Music still rings in my ears.....but the flashes of light in the sky have faded to trails of smoke and memory.
I lay down in the dark, on the dew dampened grass. At first closing my eyes, tight. Then opening them, looking up at the stars. I feel a rush and the sensation of being pulled upward, into the night. Out of my body, out of my mind. The temptation to close my eyes again is almost too much to resist, but resist I do. I feel breathless, my arms and legs tingle. 
Now I close my eyes. I feel myself falling. I grab for anything trying to slow my descent. I've forgotten where I am. I grasp handfuls of grass. I open my eyes again and everything stops.....
Sudden sensory overload of a summer night hits me. The smell of sweet clover. The diffident chirp of the earliest cricket. The rattle and hum of the latest Junebug. The zing of the mosquito. The sticky curtain of humidity wrapping itself around me.
These are the things worth falling for, when I fall back to earth on a hot summer night.

Currently listening : The Heart of Saturday Night By Tom Waits Release date: 1990-10-25

8:30 PM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

On The Edge At The River
Current mood: cold
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural

Last night wasn't the first time I felt this way. Another all nighter, sleep wouldn't come. Eyes wide, I was afraid to close them. Afraid of what I would see. What I would think, hear.
I slid out of bed at 2 and into my jeans and out the door. It's only a 15 minute run to the river, 10 at night when there's no traffic.
I was the only one there last night. Sometimes, fishermen and junkies and drunken teenagers crowd the banks and the air echoes with the sounds of laughter and beer cans popping.
I was going to take my usual 5 mile, around the banks. Maybe it was because I was alone. Maybe it was the moon going down and reflecting like blue steel on the water. I kicked off my shoes, peeled off my jeans, and slipped into the filthy, flood muddied river. I walked until I dropped off, then lay back, closed my eyes and let the current take me. I gave no thought to where I would end up or what could happen. It didn't matter, this is where I wanted to be. Drifting away. Being pulled along, and then one quick breath and I was pulled down.......beautiful silence.

The sun was shining. I woke up in my bed. But I hadn't stopped drifting, being pulled along, going down...... 

Currently listening : Yes By Morphine Release date: 1995-03-21

11:59 AM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Summer Nights
Current mood: Serene
Category: Serene Writing and Poetry

Misty summer night
Clouds grab the moon, then set it free
The warm, smoky fire
The hot dreams that follow

Warm, starry night
Trails from fireflies, whispers of mosquitoes
The smell of sweet clover
The dreamless sleep of lovers

Hot, steamy night
Crickets concerto, katydids click
Spicy rose intoxication
I taste your lips in a dream

Currently listening : Little Wing By Ottmar Liebert + Luna Negra Release date: 2001-05-15

2:15 AM - 0 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment