Adendum
Current mood: giddy

This is an adendum to my last blog regarding my upcoming book publication. There indeed will be a new book penned by me coming out, hopefully by Christmas. However, and I don't want anyone to freak out or have a stroke or anything, but the new book to be published is going to be a Children's Book. Yes, yes, it's true--an illustrated children's book, written by me.

And no, it will not be about little monsters or baby zombies. This story was written some 35 years ago, when I was, well, thirty-five years younger and hadn't hit my literary stride yet. It was written for my daughter, who was then about 4-5 years old, and I had frankly forgotten about it until just recently.

As it turns out, I sent the story to someone who was kind enough to offer to publish it in book form, and we already have an illustrator for the book. So, if things go well, this children's book will be out in time for Christmas. If not, then by the New Year. Just thought I would clear that up.

Look for "The Truddle of Wiltingdom-Downs" by Terry D. Scheerer at Christmas. Hi-Ho!

Currently reading : Green Eggs and Ham By Dr Seuss

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Milestones
Current mood: aroused

For any who may have been paying close attention, you might have noticed that I was for many months somewhat detatched, distracted, disinterested and depressed--the dreaded 'Four Ds.' Well, all of those are now behind me. Okay...not all of them, but at least I am no longer depressed.

But, that is not what this blog is about. Recently, I tripped over yet another of life's milestones--I had another birthday.  Indeed, I am now officially older than dirt...well, some dirt, anyway. Be that as it may, I have (with a lot of outside help) survived another year (and trust me, this last one was really tough) and as I rapidly approach my twilight years I am pleased to announce that I have once again started writing.

And, while this news may only be important to a half dozen or so people (not counting my immediate family), it is a large milestone for myself, since aside from a few articles during the last few months I have penned nothing of import for quite some time. So, for those six or eight people out there who DO care, I hope to have another book in print by the New Year. Hazzah (Cheers and Whistles of admiration and the Clapping of a dozen or so hands)!

Hope you like Zombies and Ghouls, my friends, cause that's what you're gonna get. My zombie story has a new twist on some rather tired subject matter and the question that has haunted all of us for forty years--Why do zombies Eat people?--will finally be answered!

And that is all the news I care to share at the moment. Please stay tuned for more updates as they become available. Many thanks for hanging in there and not just dumping me for lack of interest or communication.

Peace, and Merry Fall to one and all!

Currently listening : I Will Survive By Cake Release date: 1999-08-24

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August issue of Horrotica
Current mood: excited
Category: (Don’t I look Excited?) Writing and Poetry

The soon to be released August issue of Horrotica will be our biggest and best issue EVER! Contents will include New Feature Articles, New Fetish Pages, New Classified Ads, Interviews with the owners of Muki's Kitchen, as well as Artist and Author Kurtz the Alchemist.

New stories and poetry by Destiny West, Dead Man Poet, Greg Jenkins, Dudgeon, ~Kim and Zed Holt. Plus Art Work by Kurtz the Alchemist, Jesse Lindsay, Big Tasty and Jeremy Rogers. Along with a book review by Sarah Basore, Rancid Recipes with Barbara Bucolic, Reader's Tattoos and the Horrotica Movie Matinee.

Story topics include Blood Letting and Sex, Bondage and Sex, Lesbians, Zombies, Dominates and...oh, yeah--Sex.

This issue is not for the faint of heart or anyone who does not enjoy reading about down and dirty, nasty sexual activities. It is an Erotic Horror magazine, after all. If you are not yet a member, get over to www.horrotica.com and sign up now so you won't miss a single moment of this issue, which by the way, is the beginning of our Second Big Year of Publication.

All I can say is, "Don't miss it!" 

Currently listening : Sex Is Thicker Than Blood By The Spiders

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New News, as oppossed to the same old crap...
Current mood: weird
Category: Writing and Poetry

First of all I would like to thank my friends who took the time to comment on my previous blog--Thank You. I have been under an extreme amount of stress lately and have...well, admittedly slipped a cog or two in the past few months, what with both my physical and emotional health coming under attack. On the plus side, I received yet another injection for my cancer yesterday and this appears to be working in the appropriate manner (of course that's what they told me almost three years ago about the radiation treatments, too). And, I am back on my 'other' medication and feel a bit better, emotionally, but my diabetes is still giving me fits.

All that being said, I have communicated with David K. Montoya again (the owner of Horrotica Magazine) and after a small monotary compensation (I can now afford the soft Charmin) and some format changes for the magazine, I will be continuing as Editor for Horrotica, although there is now an Insanity Clause in my contract.

That being said, the New issue of Horrotica will hopefully launch this weekend and as of this issue will become a Quarterly Publication. This will enable us to add new features and expand the publication, and give me more time to work on each issue.

Again, I wish to thank my Friends for their support during my episode of excessive self-pity, especially those who were struggling with their own emotional turmoil. Hopefully I will continue to improve. Many Thanks. 

Currently listening : I Will Survive By Cake Release date: 1999-08-24

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WTF!
Current mood: depressed

What does it mean when you call a Suicide Prevention hotline and they put you on hold? I mean...WTF!

When you can no longer afford your antidepressent medications what do you do--stop being depressed? Or do you simply stop living the lie and give in to the pressure and the voices? Why should I die when there are so Fucking many more people out there who deserve it. But on the other hand, why should I live?

BEEP!!!! Sorry, wrong answer, but thanks for playing. As a parting gift we would like to give you a boatload of Shit and a life time of misery. Enjoy yourself!

When we die, where do we go?

Deep, deep...deep down below. 

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Can’t take it any more...
Current mood: depressed
Category: Life

This will most likely be the last time I blog for quite a while--I am just too tired and in too much pain to deal with the trivialities of life any longer.   I am going to have to face my situation and make some serious decisions shortly, as I can no longer carry on in my present state.

I am now totally incontinent at night (actually have been for the last month or so) and am barely able to control my bladder while awake.  If you have never woken up to find yourself in a puddle of your own urine three or four times a night...well, I simply can not convey to you the feeling of helplessness and disgust I go through every night.  This development is an (apparent) result of the radiation therapy I went through 2.5 years ago, which was supposed to eradicate my cancer and fucking well obviously did not do so.  I wish I could sue someone over this, but since incontinence is a "possible" side effect of radiation therapy, I guess I asked for it.  Although I expeccted to be cancer free at this time, but am not.

My back injury has been seriously reinjured once again, and the pain is frequently enough to make sitting, standing and driving nearly impossible.  Pain pills help, but I can no longer afford to see my Chiropractor, so I am essentually bedridden for the most part, except when the pills dull the pain enough for me to get up and about for a while.

I am simply too tired to be upset about things anymore, but I cry uncontrolablly several times a day now--hormones, I think, unless I've just given up.  Don't know and really don't fucking care.  We're broke, I'm sick, weak and in pain and haven't even seen my kids in I don't know how long.  They're fine, at least.

My mother is on her last legs and may not see the New Year, but she's been sick for quite a long time.  Haven't seen her in years and will not be able to before she goes.  I wonder if my own children know how sad that is?

It's dark now, finally.  Dark and cold--like death, I suppose.  Sometimes I wonder why we even bother trying to struggle on with life when it all seems so pointless.  The world is being destroyed right before our eyes and most people either don't see it or don't give a shit.

Well, Merry Yule and Happy Holidays to one and all.  For all the good it will do.

Damn, I'm a cynical bastard.

Currently listening : Suicidal Tendencies By Suicidal Tendencies Release date: 20 February, 2001

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Another shot in the Ass--Literally
Current mood: cynical

So it's been three months since my first cancer treatment injection and today I went in for Number Two.  I only hope I do not have the same reaction to this shot as I did to the first one.

And how am I doing?  Well, I am so freaking exhausted I'm nearly cataleptic (and someone asks, "You cat did what?").  The reason being that I am still having to get up 5-6 times a night to void, so am getting no real rest.  Naps don't help much either, because I have to get up to void then, too.

I expected that my prostate would have diminished in size somewhat by now, since that is what the shots are supposed to help do, but apparently it has not as yet gotten any smaller.  My balls have gotten smaller, though, thanks for asking.  Instead of a couple of wrinkled old Walnuts hanging around, they now look more like little Hazelnuts who are afraid to come out into the open (I'm talking about nuts with the shells still on them), so no telling what they will look like in another three months.  Garbonzas, perhaps.

On the bright side...oh, wait, there isn't a bright side.  Unless you consider the fact that I am still alive to be something positive.  Yep, that's special.  Oh, and Social Security denied my disability claim, so I need to sell some books you guys, since I've had no income for nearly five months now and things are looking real sketchy, if you know what I mean.

But, hey...Horrotica is doing well and the 2008 calendars should be available toward the end of December (you should all buy one of those, too [Thanks]), and if I can keep my eyes open long enough I may have some new material out myself by the end of the year.  That's this year, I hope.

Please stay tuned for more self pity updates as they become available.

Many thanks....... 

Currently listening : U2 - Rattle and Hum Release date: 23 November, 1999

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Final Firestorm Update--I hope
Current mood: tired
Category: Life

So, things have quieted down, finally--at least around here.  Many homes are still evacuated, many homes are still in danger and many homes are destroyed.

The fires have burned some 800 square miles, destroyed around 1,800 homes and at least seven people are dead because of these fires.

A couple of days ago the high winds just stopped blowing, so the massive amout of smoke generated by the fires had no place to go (besides up) and a lot of it settled to the ground.  It covered everything like a grey, stinking shroud and caused eyes and lungs to burn.  Some sunlight managed to slip though, but there were no shadows on the ground.  Everything was a dingy shade of death.

Yesterday clouds moved in from the ocean and there was actually some rain in places, though not enough to stop the fires.  The added humidity and cooler weather did help the firefighters.  As of last night, almost all of the fires were at least contained, but still burned.  Some 7-8 of the fires were still out of control, however; most of them to the south of where I live.

It has been a very weird week.  It was last Sunday when the fires started.  Such destruction.  Such watse.

Currently listening : Breathe Release date: 05 October, 2004

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Firestorm Update II
Current mood: sad
Category: Life

After the sun went down yesterday I was able to go outside and look to the south where a mountain ridge is maybe 18-20 miles away.  Behind this ridge was a large red glow which pulsated as if it were alive.  Several times I saw flames like hungry tongues licking at the crest of the ridge, but they never did cross over to our side of the mountain.

Today the plume of smoke rose miles into the air and stretched across nearly the entire horizon.  A new fire also started in the same area this morning, so there are now three fires burning on the other side of the mountains I can see from my home.  Three of some 18 burning across the lower part of the state.

525,000 people have been evacuated from the San Diego area, alone. By evening they 'estimate' that more than 1,000 homes and businesses have been lost near San Diego and some 500 more from the other fires, but they can't tell for sure because no one can get into all of the burned areas to do an actually count.  More than 350 square miles have burned and NONE of the fires are fully contained as yet.

Another person died from burns received on Sunday during one of the fires, and two more of the many fires are now suspected to be caused by arson.  Miles and miles of freeway and highway are still closed and thousands of people will have no home to return to after the fires are finally extingushed.

Why? 

Currently listening : Stand in the Fire By Warren Zevon Release date: 27 March, 2007

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Firestorm Update
Current mood: angry
Category: Life

I forgot to mention in the previous blog that Riverside and Santa Barbara counties are also invloved in this inferno.

Update:  As of 7:30 PM, Pacific Time, nearly 600 homes have been totally destroyed by upward of Seventeen fires.  500 homes were burned to the ground in the San Diego area alone and nearly 150 were destroyed in the mountains near where I live.

A second fire is now considered to be caused by arson and no doubt more will be found to be arson by tomorrow.  The one person who has been killed (so far) was a firefighter in San Diego.  56 square miles have been burned in San Diego county, as of now.

This is unbelievable.

Currently listening : Wheels of Fire By Cream Release date: 07 April, 1998

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Firestorm!
Current mood: depressed
Category: Life

As if life wasn't shitty enough, once again Southern California is burning.  Three days of high winds (with gusts measured at 80-106 miles per hour) have set fire to much of Southern California and the entire area has been declared in a state of emergency.

Last night when I went to bed there were two major fires burning and when I got up today there were more than a dozen.  From the Mexican border to the High Desert and from there to the Pacific Ocean there are fires everywhere with over half a million acres already burned and NONE of the fires are completely contained as yet.  Dozens of homes have been lost--some million dollar residences in Malibu--and thousands of families are evacuated (over 250 thousand in San Diego County alone).

From my front porch I can see huge plumes of smoke from two of the fires--one at Lake Arrowhead to one side of me and the other at Devore on the other side of me.  Both fires are still some miles away and the wind is blowing away from my location, bit this ain't pleasent.  A few years ago a major fire burned right up to the city limits before it was stopped.

San Diego County, Los Angles County, Orange County, San Bernardino County and Ventura County all have major fires.  Hundreds of miles of freeway and highway have been closed due to smoke, fire and high winds, backing up gridlock traffic everywhere for miles, and the winds are supposed to continue to blow until tomorrow night.

Thus far only one of the fires (in Irvine, Orange County) has been determined to be arson, but I suspect many more of them will end up being arson fires.  Whenever the wind picks up the pyros get twitchy and as soon as the first fire is covered on TV news, more fires begin to spring up as the pyros get a hard on and need to set their own pretty fires.  Amazingly, so far only one person has died in the many fires, but even one is too many.  Not to mention the people who are devastated when their entire life is lost as their homes burn to the ground.  I think the fuckers who start these fires should be staked out in a field of high weeds and have someone who lost their home set the field on fire.

Whatever.  I'm watching the news right now and I see house after house explode into flame as these fires eat up miles and miles of forest and brush and there is no way to stop them.  We have no control.  There are just not enough firefighters available to fight all of the fires.  Someone in San Diego stated there were more houses on fire than they had firefighters to save them.  It is just pitiful and so sad.

Currently listening : The Unforgettable Fire By U2 Release date: 15 June, 1990

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There comes a time...
Current mood: disappointed
Category: Life

...when one must take stock of what the fuck is going on around and/or to one.  It's been just over a month since I received the first injection to battle my cancer and thus far I am not pleased with the outcome--or lack thereof.

I understood that initially my symptoms would increase and they surely did.  I began having pain--and not just in my prostate--especially when I would attempt to void (pee).  My already swollen prostate apparently continued to swell, making the process of voiding very difficult, to the extent that at one point my urethra was completely obstructed and I had to literally force my bladder to release its contents every time I had to pee.

I'm dizzy and lightheaded pretty much constantly and have actually fallen once so far, but fortunately only sustained minor injuries.  And due to the swelling of my prostate I am waking up at night to void even more frequently than before--as many as three times per hour--so am constantly tired and sleepy.   And irritable and cranky.  But I think the hormones are finally kicking in as I now find myself suddenly crying over little things and seem to have very little patience with things in general.  And I also have hot flashes--anywhere from 3 or 4 to more than a dozen every day.  Sweet.

Okay, so needless to say I am not happy with the way things are going.  I attempted to talk to my Urologist the other day about this; I only wanted to ask him some questions about how soon I might expect to start feeling better!  He couldn't talk to me over the phone--I would have tro make an appointment to see him personally.  Of course since he is a "Specialist" I would need another referral approved by my insurance company to see him again.  It took over a month for the last referral to be approved so I don't expect to talk to him any time soon.  And when I asked my personal doctor about this I was informed I should direct all questions about the cancer to my Urologist. 

Can anyone say, Catch 22?

All in all I feel and look like crap and do not want to have much to do with anyone or anything.  So to all my friends out there--if you don't hear from me for a while longer it is nothing personal toward you, but has only to do with my own inner demons.  'Kay?

My thanks.

Currently reading : The Inner Demon By Ross Ross Release date: 01 June, 2004

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And Now For Something Completely Different
Current mood: nostalgic
Category: Life

So growing up during the 1950s was pretty good.  It wasn't "Happy Days" good, but it had its moments.  The time from the middle of the 1950s to the middle of the 1960s was most likely the last decade of innocence this country was to experience and I was there for it.

Polio and most other major childhood diseases were finally under control.  We still caught measles, chicken pox, the mumps and occasionally whooping cough and even scarlet fever, but that was just part of growing up back then.  We also were always concerned about a nuclear attack from the Soviet Union, and on the last Friday of every month at Ten O'clock in the morning air raid sirens would go off and we would have to climb under our school desks and 'duck and cover'--like that would have done any good against an atomic bomb.  During the summer months when the sirens went off we would have to all crowd into our narrow hallway at home and close the connecting doorways so when the house was destroyed by a bomb we would be safe in the hallway.

The economy was good in those days and fathers went off to work every morning and mothers stayed home to take care of the house and family.  Family values were important back then and so was trust.  The kids would go outside and play all day and only came home to eat a quick lunch and then back outside until the street lights came on.  No one worried about what we were doing or if we were getting into trouble.  Everyboby knew everybody else in those days and your neighborhood was a safe place to be.

Most families only had one car so the mothers were stuck at home all day.  But not to worry--just about everything they needed came to them.  Milk, eggs and all sorts of dairy products came right up to the porch every morning, delivered fresh by the 'Milk Man'--every day but Sunday.  And every morning during the week the Helms Bakery truck came along, full of fresh bread of all kinds and the best donuts you could find anywhere.  The mail was delivered right to your door by a guy who actually walked the entire route and was cheerful and friendly to everyone.  And the guys in the diaper truck came by on a regular basis, to switch out the dirty diapers and drop off fresh ones.

I was able to walk to my elementary school, and my junior high school and my high school (without fear of being kidnapped or assualted); all in under 15 minutes.  True, it was uphill all the way and the snow was terrible, even during the summer, but that was just part of growing up, too.

I ended up in the emergency room at least two or three times a year from injuries sustained while playing at friend's homes, playing in the street or just playing at my own home (and I still carry many of the scars).  I was once even mauled by a very angry black Scottie dog when I was quite young (don't mess with a dog and his food).  And yet we never sued anybody for medical expenses or emotional anguish.  That would not have been neighborly and besides, what kind of moron would even consider such a thing?

And while we did not have video games, computer games or electronic games of any kind, we still had a lot of fun.  Our toys were made of shiny metal with lots of sharp edges and plenty of moving parts to catch little fingers.  We had toy guns that fired plastic bullets, bows with wooden arrows (sure, they had rubber tips on them, but those came off easily and we were able to sharpen the points real nice), BB guns and air blasters (who would have thought if you placed one of those up against someone's ear and fired it off, the eardrum would explode?).  And guess what?  Kids got hurt once in a while playing with those (dangerous?) toys, but we hardly ever killed anyone or put out an eye, and no one ever considered suing the toy maker if a kid got hurt playing with their toys.  That's how we learned in those days--you fuck up and you pay the consequences, not someone else.

Hey, and the cars were wicked cool, too.  Plus we had those really neat car hop places--some with the cute chicks on roller skates taking orders and bringing over the food (really!) and some where they just put the food on trays which hung from the car window sill.  I still remember the A and W Root Beer places--best root beer floats around.  Oh, and Drive In Movies.  We went to those a lot, especially in high school.  Two feature films plus a cartoon for like a buck a car. 

Then there was music.  I was right there for the birth of good ol' rock and roll.  I remember my very first 6 transistor 'portable' radio from Japan.  An amazing invention that allowed you to hear AM Radio from anywhere!

Ah, those were the days.  So maybe they were 'Happy Days' after all.  That was some 50 years ago and things sure have changed.

I haven't been 'Happy' for a long, long time.

Currently listening : The Definitive Collection By Chuck Berry Release date: 18 April, 2006

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Stepping Down
Current mood: Suicidal
Category: Suicidal Life

This announcement was supposed to wait until the next issue of The World of Myth came out, but I am just too upset to wait until then.  So, after three years as Editor in Chief of TWoM, I am stepping down due to health concerns--and financial concerns, oh, and emotional concerns, too.

It seems my fucking cancer has returned after less than two years, which needless to say pisses me off quite a bit, and I am now fighting with my HMO to get approval for a medication which may just save my life.  But, what the Hell.  Consequently, I do not have the energy or mental stability to continue busting my ass every month as Editor for no reward and little recognition from most of the readers.

I also have no income and just today was informed that we are $300.00 overdrawn at the bank with the rent due in five days.  What I do have is a shitload of Paxil in my system right now, so at least I'm calm about this entire mess.

The Doorway to the Dark is opening and Darkness is Falling all around me.

It's been a good run, I guess, although the rewards were slim--being Editor, I mean.  No wonder those guys get paid so much money.

My sincere thanks to all of those who were my friends during that tenure and fuck all the rest of them.  Ungrateful cocksuckers!  Ignorant little cretins.  Fuck 'em.

Good luck to one and all.

Currently listening : Dance of Death By Iron Maiden Release date: 09 September, 2003

2:56 PM - 7 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

Relax everyone...
Current mood: shocked

According to Homeland Security (here in the U.S.) there is no "Credible Threat" to any U.S. city or airport. Of course there were no 'credible threats' for the two car bombs found in London or for the American made Jeep which crashed into the Glasgow (Scotland) Airport and caught fire, even after Al Kiduh posted an Internet film showing the graduation ceremony of supposed suicide bombers who were going to be sent to the United Kingdom (where London and Scotland are located), Germany, Canada and the U.S.

It is much safer to wait until a bomb is found or goes off and kills a few people before deciding to increase our threat level. Plus it's a long Holiday weekend and we wouldn't want any airports to be angry with Homeland Security by making passengers wait to board their planes. Let's just wait and see if anything happens in Germany or Canada before we do anything. Good idea, boys.

Currently reading : Allah's Bomb: The Islamic Quest for Nuclear Weapons By Al J. Venter Release date: 01 February, 2007

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