Why I left iDolphin on my Comments

Because I like bikinis in unlikely locales. Don't like them in likely ones. And because she said "I spend all my time trying not to cheat on you."

I think it is SO RUDE to advertise on someone else's (mine) space for free. I check all the time to see if there's something I need to delete. I left this one because I dig it.

10:33 AM - 10 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

I wanted to make Hillary my number one Friend

but two of her profiles refused to accept me as a Friend, so how could I?

I guess it's not so good for a campaign to have Drugs Are Nice as a friend.

But really, with health care in the crisis it's in, who can be so picky about drugs?

Still... I'm in a happy-go-lucky mood. I have no sympathy for those two profiles' positions or choices. Still, to let that slippery eel Obama have a chance is a profound reaming of one's own hindquarters. Oh, I wish this were Rome...

11:24 AM - 20 Comments - 16 Kudos - Add Comment

Why did Tigger stare into the toilet?

He was looking for Pooh.

5:06 PM - 7 Comments - 12 Kudos - Add Comment

What’s with the half-Irish?

I can't date anything but, for years now, over and over and over! They're attracted to me! The full nations see nothing in me.

7:58 AM - 9 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

I am watching

Old School. And it has convinced me that I have to write that book that I've been thinking about, the one that will make me a lot of money. Because then I can retire and watch the following movies over and over and that's all: Old School, 300, Dude Where's My Car?, Fight Club...maybe the occasional Kirosawa. Throw in some... who's that crazy German?

Yes, I have my plan.

1:19 PM - 28 Comments - 11 Kudos - Add Comment

Hilary Clinton

I'm going to be at her Dover headquarters every morning. Want me to call you and talk about her? God, but volunteers do dress fancy and look so good.

9:39 AM - 15 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

Sadie saw some drag queens.

She said, "Oh, Mommy, they MUST be from Scotland!"

4:00 AM - 16 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

I had a dream.

A voice said: "Nouns are the body, verbs are the life. Adjectives are the bloody dress they were found in after the accident."

The voice was mine, I think. It sounded irritated.

5:03 AM - 35 Comments - 13 Kudos - Add Comment

Sadie doesn't wish on dandelions anymore.

Because, she says, she found out they're weeds. Also, because she wishes and wishes every time, and it never comes true.

I said, "Well, since you don't believe in wishes anymore, I guess you don't have to keep them secret anymore. Want to tell me what your wish was now?"

I was really afraid she would say it was for me to get back together with her dad, and then I would know my actions were responsible for killing her hope in life.

But no, her wish was this: "To have a pegasus for a pet and we'd need an expanding house. The room would just grow however long the pegasus needed to fly in."

Like one of those hot tubs with the jets that fool you into thinking you're swimming the whole length of a pool, I guess.

She had a second wish: "To have a fountain in the living room that rained frogs like confetti."

I told her that you can make those wishes come true yourself. That's what making books and movies is for.

Furthermore, I told her, there is no biological classification for weeds. A botonist told me that a weed is a grass, bush, or flower growing where you don't want it to.

11:17 AM - 16 Comments - 11 Kudos - Add Comment

So my shrink told me to date a normal man.

After quite a search, I found one, and went on the date (I always do what my shrink tells me to). And my normal man turned out to NOT be normal AT ALL (he's kind, he's thoughtful ... but he is quite abnormal).

I have two theories. One is that there are no normal people. The other is Phillip K. Dickian. We only see our own kind, like there are three or 300 sets or tribes of people, all occupying the same physical land, shops, apartments at the same time. But we're all sort of ghosts, or on some multi-dimensional time concurrent strains. And you can only see your kind, and only they can see you. (And our own deritas and the deritas of our kind.) That's why I can only find the freaks in this life, and they're all finding me.

I just looked up deritas and it's not a word. I thought it meant your things, your beloved and useful objects along with your garbage. Maybe we have our own vocabularies, too....

2:02 PM - 18 Comments - 12 Kudos - Add Comment