It's been a long time, shouldn'ta left you...
Current mood: sick

... without a dope blog to click to. Or something. At any rate, been a long time since I've written in this blog, and for that I'm deeply sorry. In addition, I would like to offer a compromise.  :)

If this blog is ever lookin' empty, chances are I've at least blogged something on my other blog at http://thettumclivewire.wordpress.com/.

Here's the deal - if you want random, insightful stories that mean something to me, you'll probably read them here. If you want random, weird things, notices about upcoming stuff, and my thoughts on church stuff in general, you'll probably read them over there. The end. Feel free to leave comments on this blog and the WordPress one... with mostly adults reading the Wordpress one, your youthy comments will be insightful and welcomed by both me and them.  :)

Currently watching : Nanny McPhee (Widescreen Edition) Release date: 09 May, 2006

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Cars everywhere love me
Current mood: tired

Yeah, so... funny story. A couple weeks ago, I was having a kinda crummy day. I was going to hang out with some new friends, which was cool, but I was kinda in a bad mood and I was feeling unappreciated and unloved, which altogether makes for a molotov cocktail of an attitude. And that's the way it was heading while I, oblivious to much of the world that zoomed by my hunched form in the passenger seat, was trying to text message (and if you ask some of my youth, they will tell you how lousy I am at that). Out of nowhere, the backseaters exclaim, "Hey, look at that! That's crazy! And kinda... creepy."

I look up and out the window as our car comes to rest at the stoplight. The car directly next to us was sitting there, simply saying, "Hey there, Erica. I love you." Which sounds odd, but it was. Look.

http://img300.imageshack.us/img300/9122/carpic1jm1.jpg

Yeah. So, I thought it was kinda cool, snapped a camera phone picture (which by the way, is not fun to get on the computer without a cable). Moments later, green light; we continued our journey. Half an hour later, we arrive at our destination and pull into a parking lot. Oddly enough, the car directly across from us had "I love you" written all over ITS windows, also. This is where normal people might think something is trying to get through to them, but I was a bit wrapped up in myself at the moment.

Days later, I began to think about those cars and those "windows of love." I joked about it a bit, but I started to wonder if it was a little God reminder that even though I may feel unloved and unappreciated, God loves me and wants me to know. That sounded a little weirder than just the odd coincidence of seeing my name on a car though, so I let it go.

Enter today. I am going through some stressful times. Things are busy, things are changing, I'm dealing with stuff... you name it. "Issues" as my old roomie would have said. Today was a tough day. So, as a last resort to get my mind out of the negative world it found itself in, I decided today was a day for running errands and picking up supplies. Some ladies call this "shopping therapy." I call it "the easiest part of my job this week." So, I headed out. Lo and behold, would you know, just as I was leaving the parking lot of Sports Authority (where I was looking for the cue ball we need for the Youth Center), I see this car. Parked directly in front of me. And wouldn't you know, as crazy as it sounds, the back window of the car was covered with a big "I love you, Erica!" and some lovely hearts.

Now, coincidence is the white Mustang pulling next to me with the loving Erica phrase the first time (and that's even pushing the boundaries of coincidence). I mean, it was pretty crazy that the one random car in the city with my name in hearts pulled up next to the one car I was in and we stopped next to each other at the same light and we just happened to pay attention to it. The second car, a black something or other (also covered in love) miles and miles away parked across from us was just too unreal. The third time, a purple car of some sort also bearing the blatant love is just something that can't be let go.

I have had some rough spots lately - but you know what? God loves me. I have felt unloved, unappreciated, and sometimes alone - but you know what? God loves me. You ever feel lonely and uncared for, stressed and tired? God loves you, too. And sometimes He'll even go so far as to write it out on 3 different cars that you will randomly park next to on your worst days so that you will know it.

God loves you. Know it. And once you do, own it.

Currently listening : Lifesong By Casting Crowns Release date: 30 August, 2005

10:00 PM - 3 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Get over yourself and listen to reason, man!
Current mood: blunt

I recently heard someone say, "I know it's wrong, but I don't think I want to stop. I think I like it." Hmm. Think about that. We've all said it or thought it at some point in time, no matter what the "it" is. Think about the other people who have said similar things... serial killers, serial rapists, child molesters. How quickly we pass judgement on them, but all sin is equal in the eyes of God (even if it isn't to us). Does that make us equal?

Regardless, God doesn't make rules for fun. He didn't make a book to tell us how to live our lives so we would feel stifled and miserable. He didn't mean for us to ever feel stuck or boxed in.  Look:

"I can't tell you how much I long for you to enter this wide-open, spacious life. We didn't fence you in. The smallness you feel comes from within you. Your lives aren't small, but you're living them in a small way. I'm speaking as plainly as I can and with great affection. Open up your lives. Live openly and expansively!" 2 Corinthians 6:11-13

God didn't make a list of rules to make Himself more GOD. He's already as God as it gets, ya know? So why did He? Why do we look at the Bible like that? God gave us a book of how to live our lives because He knew the best way for us to live. Think about it... every sin I can imagine committing brought some kind of crap into my life. Everytime I dishonored my parents or lied or cheated or stole or whatever, it always brought something bad with it. God didn't make "rules" for us to be judged on how good of a person we could be. God gave us suggested guidelines for ways to make our lives in this broken world as good as they could be. He gave us suggestions for things to stay away from or to get into so we could be closer to Him. So why don't we do that stuff?

I don't know either. I know that when I see a teen go through something I went through, I want to shake him or her until they understand. I can't though, and that's really hard. But remember youths, when you feel tempted to do something that will yank you away from God, you're not supposed to stay away from it because it feels bad... usually it will be something that you really want to do. You are supposed to stay away from it because God knows what's best for you, and He knows we can't always be trusted to know it for ourselves.

When you have that little Jiminy Cricket in your head bringing some alarm to a situation or decision... listen to it. As hard as that might be. And if you're having trouble listening, get with someone else who can listen better.

Currently watching : Malcolm in the Middle - The Complete First Season Release date: 29 October, 2002

2:03 PM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Sacrificing Things... not like cows, though
Current mood: uncomfortable

Hey all. You know how God calls us to sacrificially give of ourselves to others? Well, for those of you shaking your head, it's true. Giving should cost you something sometimes, otherwise it's not really giving. I've always looked at that meaning money, or time. You know, you can't really afford it, but you know it will help someone you know if you take them to lunch to raise their spirits. Or you know you have to sleep because you're exhausted, but you stay up all night talking with someone who needs you.

It's been one of those sacrificial weeks for me. And I'm not saying that to get a pat on the back, because really I know lots of people do stuff like that (and if you're not, you should be). I just wanted to share that it's not always time or money. Sometimes it really is giving little pieces of you away to make a difference. Not like fingers, though. Pieces of your heart, maybe.

It's been a trying week - I've been super-sick, yes I know, AGAIN (just slow down already, Erica!). We had an overnighter conference with the youth group this weekend. We had Youth Sunday on, you guessed it, Sunday. Those things on their own are exhausting, then you put them altogether and they're almost too much, then throw in the sacrifice thing and you're ready to drop dead. But the things we do when we're at our low points to help others is what really shows people what's in our hearts.

I got a phone call Sunday night from a youth who needed some help. Let me tell you how tempted I was to not answer the phone. It was MY time now, I'm sick, etc. But I talked anyway. And it made a difference. I had to take some time today to do some incredibly painful phone time, and it was the last thing I wanted to do, but I did it. And it will make a difference. Youth Sunday made a difference. The conference this weekend made a difference.

If you're out there reading this and thinking, "I never seem to make a difference to anyone," then maybe you're not being very sacrificial. Because we're not just supposed to sacrifice when it's convenient or fun or easy. Those aren't sacrifices. If you show Christ and give of yourself to others when you're at your lowest lows, you will make a difference. You can't help it.

So ask yourself, are you making a difference? If not, try sacrificing a bit. But not like cows. Or fingers. Or toes. You probably should keep those.

Currently watching : 24 - Season Five Release date: 05 December, 2006

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Sometimes things really suck, huh?
Current mood: crappy

Ever have one of those days where you just want to give it all up and run away from everything? My line for whenever things get that bad is that I want to pack it all up and move to California. Or I want to run away to the mountains and get a cabin and a dog. Or I am gonna fly away to Italy and make it on the street drawing pictures.

I've seemed to have a lot of these kinda days lately. And it all kinda came to the super-low, bottom-of-Sheikra moment when I had a pretty miserable day today. It's during these times when I know I need to focus on the positive. I think it's during the times when I feel like a failure to everyone on this earth that God tries the hardest to make me know I'm loved. I think that most of the time, I'm just too unhappy to look for His overwhelming love. So today, I'm looking for it. So here's my list, for your viewing pleasure:

1) Angel Tree night, I was watching the cartoon and talking to a friend, when a little girl I didn't know came up to me and hugged me and just pressed against me while watching the video. I stroked her hair and knew she loved me, and I had no idea who she even was.

2) I found a good amount of money on the floor while I was out today. After searching for the people it may have belonged to with no luck, I feel confident that God wanted me to find this money to use somehow for Him.

3) The people at Moe's tonight gave me an extra big burrito (with no beans, hooray).

4) Despite my 30 day period ending at Verizon, my dysfunctional phone was still replaced at no charge to me. The people were nice and gave me no trouble at all.

5) I saw a few of my youth reaching out to new teens the other night. While I dunno if I necessarily like the whole way they were acting the entire time, but seeing them make an effort to engage new teens and not just sit there satisfying themselves was inspiring.

And there's my list. I'm sure there must be more, but honestly, I'm really having a rough time of it, and finding just these few amidst my wreck of a week was a pretty good accomplishment (you know, since I have to relive all the bad times to find the good). But you know, I know in my head that I'm in God's will because it seems everything is trying to tear me apart. I know in my head... it's just hard to remember it in my heart sometimes.

Anyone else out there having a rough week? Month? Year? Comment me and let me know. And then let me know a way God has been trying to show you His love as you're screaming down your Sheikra moments. I'd really like to hear... I always want to know how God is working in the lives of others.

John 16:33

Currently watching : Pay It Forward Release date: 15 May, 2001

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I hope you die!
Current mood: exhausted

Okay, not really. But I do hope that life breaks you in that crippling way that it tends to do.

"Erica, isn't that a bit harsh?" Yep. "Erica, you're such a kidder." Yep. But not this time. "Erica, you can't say that, you're a youth pastor!" Yep, I sure am. Which is precisely why I'm saying it. "WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!?" Let me explain.

I'm reading this book. This book, actually: http://img369.imageshack.us/img369/8874/lawheadhoodue0.jpg

It's about Robin Hood, kinda. In a new fangled way. Anywho, in the book, good ole Robin is a spoiled, snotty, all-about-me kinda guy who is into "Maid Merian" cause she's sexy, into hunting cause it's fun, and into himself because well, why the heck not - no one else is. And then he almost dies. I mean really, get this: he gets speared in the back of his shoulder, he gets speared across the face (splitting his whole cheek open), he gets speared in the chest, he gets his arm tore open from a really bad dog bite, he falls off a cliff into a stream where he nearly drowns (since he's unconscious and all), and then he wanders with all these injuries for days lost in the woods (after he wakes up in a scum pond at the end of the river). And that all happens to him at once, after he's lost his family (they were murdered), his land (it was stolen), and pretty much his whole life (who would go back to a place where they can't live anymore where people are hunting you?). Yeah, pretty much sucks for him.

At any rate, he gets nursed back from the brink of death by this woman who, when he's well, poses this question: "What will you do with your life now that you have it back?"

Pretty thoughtful question. This book is pretty cool - seems to be exactly what we as Christians go through. We live our snotty, self-obsessed lives, taking all we want from whoever, thinking only of ourselves. Then one day, we meet Christ and we're supposed to "die" to our old way of life or, in other terms, change who we are. And then we're given our lives back, but they're new. So, what are you doing with your life, now that you have it back?

I guess in that way, I do hope you die - to yourself. You know, almost everyone on my friends list is young. Teens, young adults, young parents, etc. We've supposedly got our whole lives ahead of us. Those of us who say we're Christians, have we really "DIED" to all the stuff that keeps us focused on ourselves? Cause you see, this time of year is really all about me, according to the tv shows i watch and the commercials in-between. We need to stop chasing after all the stupid little things we want (video games, toys, clothes, etc.), stop living our lives for our boyfriends (or girlfriends, as the case may be), stop being so self-absorbed every minute of every day and start looking outward. Looking UPward.

Are you just wasting your life, now that it's been given back to you, or are you doing something significant with it? If you're not following whole-heartedly after Christ, if you're not putting others first, if you're not in relationship with Jesus - the only one in this life who matters... hate to tell ya folks, but it's a waste.

Quit wasting. Do something with the one life you're given.

Oh yeah, and Robin Hood rocks my socks.

Currently listening : Speak By Jimmy Needham Release date: 15 August, 2006

3:46 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

look people, I'm not perfect...

... and I've never claimed to be. I sure try to be sometimes (that's what you might call "perfectionism" or "insanity"), but I know I never am. So, it always amazes me that Christians pretend they are. Or when people in the real world expect Christians to be perfect and never mess up (Ted Haggard, case in point). What the heck?

See, what began this whole rant was a question presented to me last week: "What kinds of people are we not allowed to invite to youth?" Again - what the heck? Are we really pretending that we're so good and holy and special that certain people just aren't allowed among us? This is especially disturbing because if we are pretending that, that's just the wrongest thing I can think of. And if we are pretending we're so great while we're at church, I know we're not when we're at home among all those people who don't come with us to church. So what's the deal?

Jesus was a pretty amazing guy when it came to stuff like this. You know, He hung out with all the "wrong" people. He didn't hang out at church places much unless he was there to tell them all the things they were doing wrong. He hung out with the prostitutes. He hung out with all the thieves and the normal, messed up people. Once, some church people even asked Him, "Hey, should you really be with THOSE kinda people?" and He told them, "Look. Do you really think that people who are already healthy need a doctor? No - the sick do. So why would I hang with people who are already good with God?"

This freaks me out. Partially because it sometimes takes a lot of effort to hang out with people who don't believe the same as me, and I'm tired a lot already. But mainly because 98% of the people I hang out with are church people, which is completely opposite of what Jesus did. And you know, trying to be like Jesus and doing the opposite... not a good plan.

Anwyays, to answer the question (that whole "who isn't allowed in youth" bit), everyone is allowed in youth. Yes, everyone. Yes, that person that you're thinking of that you think wouldn't fit in. Yes, that person you know who's a druggie. Yes, that girl who's kinda overly flirtatious with every boy at school. Those kids with the funny colored hair, the pierced kids, the opinionated kids, the kids who don't believe in God, the kids who are mad at God, the kids who seem to have it all together and the kids who definitely don't. All of em. Could you imagine if Jesus only picked the perfect people to hang out with? He'dve been pretty lonely. None of us are perfect, and as messed up as we think some people are, God loves em all. We're all pretty messed up... shouldn't we see that and be reaching out to everyone to meet Christ?

So uh, we're not perfect. But God is. And He hung out with imperfect people so He could help them meet His Father. That's our job, too. Invite em all to youth, because I want nothing more than to introduce them to the Guy who changed my life. I hope you do, too.

Currently watching : Criminal Minds - The First Season Release date: 28 November, 2006

6:06 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

There's this guy ...
Current mood: hungry

... that I just can't get out of my head. I saw him at the National Youth Workers' Convention. I never met him, never talked to him, never really talked about him, nothing. But man, I can't seem to get him out of my head - he changed my entire week, and hopefully, my life.

See, it all started at this worship concert thing. We were watching this band - Building 429 - and I just wasn't very into it at all. I didn't know a lot of the songs so I couldn't sing along, but I did a great job of admiring the lights. Have you ever watched those crazy lights at a fancy concert? You know the ones that look all lasery and can change colors and shapes and spin all the way around and look really, really cool with fog?! At any rate, I was admiring the really cool lights and I turned around to see what shapes they were making on the walls behind us, and that's when I saw him.

He got my attention immediately. He was standing in a row of chairs that was empty for about 10 seats all the way around him. Kinda this empty circle in this crazy room full of crazy youth leaders (trust me, they're all crazy, not just me). There he was, hands stuffed in the pockets of his hoodie, standing perfectly straight, eyes closed, and face turned upwards. Now, this in itself isn't all that amazing, unless you take into account the rest of the room. All the other youth leaders were jumping up and down, screaming out the lyrics to the songs, waving their hands in the air, and being generally concert-ish. But not this guy.

I was intrigued. I watched him, with this incredible serenity and peace about him. The song faded to the background and this guy just filled my whole awareness. It was as if worship was just emanating from him. He wasn't watching the lights (I wasn't either anymore), he wasn't listening to the song (or the next one either, apparently), he wasn't moving. He was just being. Him and God, God and him, and you could see the joy and awe and peace on his face. I wanted that.

We left a song or so later. I kinda had to be pulled away, because I couldn't stop watching this guy just be with God. When was the last time we spent time just being with God? I'm not talking about praying, or going to church, or any of that. When was the last time we just spent time quietly, not talking, not asking for stuff, not complaining, but just being with God?

I know that it's not nearly as often as it should be. Imagine what it would be like to have that joy and peace all the time, because we're so used to being with God that we finally realize we always are. Then, when we lose someone we love, or we have problems come up, or we have issues with someone we're dating, we won't lose our faith or walk away from God because we'd know we can't. God is with us all the time. When will we actually acknowlege that and just spend time with Him?

Some of ya'll are like, "I don't know how. I can't concentrate on God like that. I've tried, it just doesn't work." Well, here's a few pointers - turn off all that electronic stuff around you that steals your attention (tv, dvd, ipod, cell phone, computer, radio, etc.). Find a quiet place and just wait on God. He'll always show up. Be with Him. Be with Him because you never know - you could be changing someone else's life without even knowing it.

Currently listening : Twentysomething By Jamie Cullum Release date: 11 May, 2004

1:54 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

If you were being murdered, would you...
Current mood: thoughtful

... scream for help? Of course you would. If your car flipped over and people were passing by, would you yell for them to come help you? Duh.

Well what the heck, then. How come so many people go through so much crap everyday, day in and day out, and never ask for help? How come we all think we can handle it on our own? Or that no one will care? Or worse yet, how come we only ask for help from the people we know can't (or won't) help us? I just don't get it.

I can say all that cause I do it too, on occasion. When I'm struggling with something, I don't call out for God to help me nearly enough. When I'm overwhelmed with stress, I don't usually yell for the people around me to help.

You know what I almost always do in those situations though? I whine. I complain and moan and get all upset about the situation I'm in. I've noticed almost everyone does that part. I see people all around me moaning and whining and complaining about life, all emo about everything they're "going through," but doing nothing to fix it. Do people just like to be miserable? Or have we just forgotten that we should be happy?

I look at these AIDS kids in Africa and think, we should be happy. I look at the homeless people begging for change by the interstate and think, we should be happy. I think of the people I know who have lost loved ones and the people who have lost everything in the hurricanes and the families struggling to have enough to eat... then I think about how I've watched tv almost all day and played online and ate too much and played some video games and worried about running out of hair gel or not having enough eggs to make cookies... we should all be so much happier than we are.

So this week, all you emo people who think it's cool to be miserable, take a week and think about what you've got. I know some of ya'll have been through some crapin life, but you know what... lots of us have. That's part of life, definitely part of growing up and becoming you. I know some of you are thinking, "Erica, you have no idea what I've had to deal with in my life, or what I'm dealing with now." You're right, I may not. But I do know you have a place to live. And pretty much whatever you want to eat, whenever you want. I know you've got tons of clothes. A bed. Pillows. Your health. An education. Friends. Family. Money to spend on fun, instead of struggling to survive. Quit focusing your whole world on the crap and open your eyes to the good. You'd be amazed how much your outlook can change.

So whatever you all are going through, remember - we should be happy. We have no idea how blessed we are to be where we are, no matter what we're going through.

Oh, and feel free to cry out for help. Peter tried to walk on water, fell in, and Jesus IMMEDIATELY reached out and pulled him up. Think - if you feel like you're drowning, call out for help... it may be that Jesus is just waiting for you to get over yourself and ask so that He can reach out and help you. And it may be that there are people standing all around you with their hands out trying to pull your drowning butt out... ask for the help you need. There's no shame in that.

Currently listening : Happy By Matthew West Release date: 13 January, 2004

8:48 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Holy smokes, I'm...
Current mood: sick

preaching on Sunday!! Look at me go! All ya'll reading this better get your happy hineys to church on Sunday and support me and hear all the important stuff I gots ta say. 

At any rate, I'm talking about BattleCry, which is part of the reason I have that on my profile now. The other part of the reason is so you check it out. So, check it out! Anywho, I'm preaching Sunday and Satan knows exactly what to do about that - knock me on my back sick. I'm fightin' it off, but I have a mind-blowing headache and some weird colors comin' out of my head. Unfortunately, those weird colors are not the product of some interesting medication... that would be much more desirable.

Just emphasizes how important the stuff I have to share with the church Sunday is. If Satan is working to take me out, makes me even more sure that everyone needs to hear it. And you know, most of the youth have heard some of it. But it's gotta sink in, folks. All of it. And thanks to all my wonderful youthies who are reading on Sunday! You did an EXCELLENT job at the practice last night. Keep it up! Don't be nervous, ya'll were wonderful!

Keep me in your prayers, yos. Don't wanna stay sick for long here. Don't have time for this nonsense. 

10:57 AM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment