I don't know how exactly to begin telling this tale of humiliation...
I suppose I should start by saying that I've felt quite stir crazy as of late. In my effort to combat this sickness I have made it my goal to get out of the house more, whether I get a shower in or not. Today my big plan was to visit COSTCO and get some things I need for the house.
Costco is already my least favorite place from start to finish. You get there and people act like brainless cows blocking parking spaces and taking forever. Then you go inside, same thing times 100. It's always crowded and always annoying. But I forged ahead. I braved being stuck in that hell-hold with a crying infant. I put Riley in the Bjorn and braved the crowded warehouse aisles.
An hour into my shopping, Riley had fussed and gone to sleep. I was finished filling my cart and made it through the line. I was psyched, maybe we would get out of this place with no tears shed at all. Not so... I hand my card to the cashier. She looks at me, "you're not Ken." Now I have shopped many a time at this wretched establishment and no one has ever spoken that profound statement to me. She asked if I was on the account, I said "I think so." Then she handed my id and my card over to the manager as she loaded my items into another cart and set them aside... as if I tried to steal them. I waited for about 15 minutes before someone came back, "No. You're not on the account." That's when I felt the tears start welling up in my eyes. "I'd like to speak to a manager" I demanded in a shaky voice.
Finally a small framed woman in a vest came over. She tried to tell me why it was okay for them to not let me buy all that shit I picked out over the last hour. I immediately started crying "Please can you make an exception? It's so hard for me to leave the house." She looked sympathetic and left to see what she could do. Finally she came back over. "I'm sorry. I can't add you to the account because someone named Diane was the primary account holder." I tried to explain that this "diane was my mother in law, who I'm sure would be delighted if I could leave Costco with among other items, diapers for her grandson. The woman refused my plea. The best she could do was HELP ME OPEN MY OWN ACCOUNT. What? I wasn't about to hang out in f-ing costco for another half hour and pay those bastards to let me shop there.
I grabbed my ID and card out of her hand and stormed out. Crying all the way to my car and inside. Riley finally started crying. This was a big day out indeed. As I fed Riley in the back of the car, parked in the parking lot that I hate so much, I watched the annoying cows saunter past. Never again, Costco, you treated me bad for the last time. And to that little tiny manager like woman, I say "I hope they have Costco in Hell. Otherwise you won't have shit to do" (says the current stay at home mom/food network enthusiast) I shouldn't be so hard on her. Obviously that company has a strong prejudice against middle class, Eurasian, southern-raised, late-mid twenties women. So I ask you, stay the hell away from them. Or you'll be spitting in the face of all of us Middle class, Eurasian, southern-raised, late-mid twenties women. Thank you and good night.
Our friend Paul is going to be a guest tonight on the show and he's going to talk about how Ken and I met at the very first Jimmy Kimmel show... and now are married with a baby. They may or may not bring us out onstage. Riley may or may not be wearing a fancy outfit...
Well as you can see I'm a knocked up turd no more. At 2:02 AM on June 5 (only two hours past his due date) Riley Ken'ichi Marino was born. 8 pounds 8 ounces, 20 inches long. We were so lucky to have the natural delivery we were hoping for. Riley came into the world healthy and strong just three hours after arriving at the hospital. We are happily back home settling in. Riley does not have his own myspace page at the moment, but I'll be happy to give him any messages or kudos you may have. He can't wait to meet you!
Hi Friends, As many of you know, Ken's movie, "Diggers" is opening in select theaters this Friday. "Diggers" was Ken's first screenplay, he appears in and he also served as a producer on the film. It's been a long journey, but his hard work has really paid off. The film has an excellent cast (Paul Rudd, Ron Eldard, Josh Hamilton, Maura Tierney, Sarah Paulson, Lauren Ambrose and of course Ken) and has been getting great reviews.
As it was produced by Mark Cuban's company, 2929, and distributed by Magnolia Films, it will only be released in Landmark Theaters and for a short time. We'd love your support, so come out and see Diggers in the theaters!
**LA Friends: We will be going to see the movie Friday night at the Nuart Theatre on Santa Monica Blvd. We are going to the 7:30 show and would love to get drinks with everyone after to celebrate. Please email me if you have any questions!
If there isn't a Landmark Theater near you, I believe it will also be showing on HDNet television, and a week from Friday it will be available on DVD. You can watch the trailer/get more info at http://www.diggersmovie.com/.
Please pass this on to anyone you think might enjoy the movie. Thanks so much! Erica
As most of you know, I am knocked up. With the birth of this baby, I know my life will change drastically (aka I will have no life). So, I've decided to make these next 17 weeks of freedom really count! Luckily I have an amazing mentor to guide me through this special time... Britney Jones.
Just kidding... Britney Spears!
I've always admired Britney. I feel like we've practically grown up together. Only while she was selling out arenas across the world living the life of luxury, I was peddling Tigger sweat-shirts at the Disney Store trying to my "legal" friends to buy me beer. Despite her fame and fortune, Britney and I have an a ton of things in common: We're both in our mid twenties, we're both amazing dancers, and we've both been seriously involved with Justin Timberlake. (the only difference here is my involvement with JT resulted in a restraining order and a broken rib) So when we met a couple weeks back in a gas station bathroom, I felt like I had known her my whole life.
We clicked instantly. Britney felt bad for having the gas station attendant break into the bathroom while I was still peeing, but she "really had to go number one." I totally understood, so she saw that I was cool. That night she invited me to a really hot club to party. I asked if I needed to go home first and change. She wiped then told me that she had that covered. We went out to her car where she pulled out her trunk of "going out outfits." She suited me up in a pink rabbit coat and some fly Hammer Pants. She even pulled out a couple of her clip-on hair extensions and let me wear them for the night! They were blond but she assured me they looked "rad." We decided to take her car to the club and leave mine at the gas station.
Thirty minutes later, when we got to the club, everyone was so excited to see us. They were clearly fans of Britney's and were clearly intrigued by her new mystery friend! The buzz surrounding my foray into this new social scene was palpable. I heard club goers whispering: "Who the hell is that??""Brit" ran to the bathroom with some other friends of ours and I was left to "hold down the fort". The baby started kicking in rhythm to the hip hop blaring out of the speaker I was sitting on, so I decided to wet my whistle. Britney left me with a water bottle filled with what looked like red kool-aid, so I took a big gulp. The burning sensation in my throat told me that I just drank Bacardi 151 mixed with Mountain Dew Code Red. Whooo, I shook it off as I really started to get into the music.
Britney came back from the bathroom and gave me a lollipop. She's so thoughtful, and always has snacks! She suggested we hang out for a while then we could hit up Mickey D's and watch "She's the Man" at her place. I noticed she was sweaty and I felt bad to have to tell her that she was missing her pants. She told me to stop being so "f*ing lame" and that I wasn't the "f*ing" boss of her. I told her I was super sorry and I really appreciated her showing me such a good time. She asked me if I wanted to make out with her and I said, I would if I hadn't just thrown up a little Code Red/151 in my mouth. Nice move Erica, NICE MOVE! Before I could ask her for another lollipop, she dissappeared to the bathroom again. Boy, she must have a bladder the size of a pea. (Haha Pea/Pee!)
I wondered what was taking her so long, (it had been about 30 minutes) but I was having an absolute blast dancing in the corner. Finally I saw Britney and this guy emerge from the bathroom and rush out the back door of the club. I felt so bad that in the midst of all the craziness (on-lookers, papparazzi, etc...), she wasn't able to find me to tell me we were leaving. I hurried out to catch her and got to the parking lot just as she was speeding away. Over the camera flashes and all the clamor, I yelled out to her that I'd see her later and that she was on the wrong side of the road. Something weird must have happened to her because she looked really out of it. I wish people would just leave her be!
On my long walk back to the gas station to retrieve my car, I thought about how lucky I was to meet Britney at this pivotal moment in my life. On one hand, she is the life of the party and really knows how to have fun! I will definitely be hanging out with her again to let off some steam before this baby comes. On the other hand, she has two kids and will be able to teach me all about how to be a great mom. I see a typical day of us hanging out to be: taking the kids to the park and to get ice cream. Then we'll get a babysitter and hop a jet to Vegas and hang out in some awesome, smokey club letting our hair down to the tunes of Fergie. With Britney as my new BFF, motherhood is going to be one hell of a ride! I just wish I had her number.
Last night we found one of Gilda's treats hidden in the couch cushions. So she decided to hide it again so she started to hide it under a chair, but she saw that we were watching her. So she walked to where she thought we couldn't see her and she hid the treat, but we totally saw! It was the cutest!
Uh oh, if I'm telling bullshit stories like this now, what am I going to be like when I have a baby. I apologize in advance to all of you who will be subjected to my non-story rambling in the future.
Earlier today I received an amazing gift. Brooke and Tyler sent me a list of potential names for my baby due in June. If you don't know Brooke or Tyler, you really should try to be-friend them. At least on myspace. They're terrific people.
Anyways their list inspired me to hold a baby-naming contest whereby all of you send me your ideas for names and I choose the winner. Here are Tyler and Brooke's name suggestions followed by their meanings:
Inbox McDilly--without lips, brown, dark
Yamaha Oyama-- high, sublime, lofty
Black Betty--Queen of Fairies
Indiana Roams-- legendary, lovely, hi
Pretty Kakuta-- classic, ethnic, consonant sounds
Lil Huey-- masculine, very "hollywood"
Iwanna Hammy--sea of bitterness, fat
Shaka Shaka Polio--hindu mystic, green thumb, extra milo's sauce
Serendipity Fife--slayer of the world, ferocious, vegan
Pocket Rocket--like silk
Nokia Buckle--fabulous, like a god, hammy
O-zone Skater--outdoorsy, citrus-y, carols alot
Nacho Silverspoon--breathy, places first in a contest, of cherokee blood (and palor)
Please do not be intimidated by Tyler and Brooke's level of genius. Enter this exciting contest today! And clearly by "exciting" I mean I'm excited, to have something like this to occupy my time. And I guess technically it's not a contest I mean there are no prizes to speak of... But enter today! Because it's fun! (for me) Yay!
I think there's something my parents haven't told me...
Last Friday night, my husband did something out of the ordinary, we went out. Not just out, we went on a date, to the theater. "The Light In The Piazza" was ending it's Los Angeles run, and I really wanted to bring Ken to see it. I watched the Broadway production on PBS, alone, (that doesn't make me 50 does it?) and loved it. It was romantic, the music was beautiful, I couldn't wait to see it live.
Anywho, as we watched the show it occurred to me that I had seen this story before. Not in the Broadway production but in a movie. If you haven't seen the show, you probably won't so I don't care that I'm maybe ruining some important plot points for you. Set in Florence during the 50's, " The Light in the Piazza" is on the surface a love story, about a naive American young woman, Clara, and a passionate Italian student, Fabrizio. Clara's overbearing mother disapproves of Fabrizio's romantic intentions and tries to block their romance. As you watch this love story unfold, you learn that Clara is mentally retarded. Well, not retarded but slow. She was kicked in the head by a pony when she was 10, stunting her mental growth. Eventually love conquers all, ending with a wedding.
I realized the movie Clara's story reminded of was none other than "The Other Sister." A movie I was obsessed with in college. A movie no one should ever be obsessed with. A movie about a retarded young woman named Carla who falls in love with a young man, also retarded, and ends up getting married. Even though she is retarded... CARLA, CLARA, the similarities are blatantly clear. Both young women are mentally handicapped, with an overbearing mother and a desire to do things "normal people" do. In "Light" Fabrizio is not retarded, but being a non-English speaking Italian, it's pretty close. Instead of loving "band music and cookie making", as Daniel Mc Mann professes in "The Other Sister", Fabrizio loves taking his shirt off and belting songs in Italian. Both love stories touched me in such a "special" way it made me wonder...
Why am I so drawn to movies about the mentally handicapped finding love? Am I a CLARA or a CARLA and no one told me? And does that make Ken a DANIEL or a FABRIZIO? He's Italian but I'm pretty sure he's been speaking English this whole time. He hasn't expressed a strong affection for "band music" or "cookie making" but he could be hiding it from me, or maybe I'm not able to see it. When I walked down the aisle were people amazed that I made it this far and was able to take part in this mature right of passage? Were people also worried, like Clara's father, that if I had a child I would "drop" or "forget" it? I sure hope not.
Well if I am retarded, at least everyone's been really nice to me. Just like Carla and Clara I got married. Now that I'm pregnant, I guess time will tell if my child is destined to be dropped or forgotten. Maybe a nurse will just show up at my door, having been hired by a concerned family member, to help me figure out what to do. I can live with that. I guess I am just thankful that I'm not completely, violently retarded like "Geraldine" in the made for TV movie, "Welcome Home Jelly Bean" because that girl had to wrap her head in a scarf so she wouldn't injure her head when she banged it against her headboard...and her dad hated her and moved away. I haven't seen it but I read the synopsis online. I totally want to see it though, I bet I'd love it.
