I wandered all night

Today, I walked somewhere between five and six miles. Beginning of a new era of physical fitness, or ill-advised fluke? Only time will tell. Well, time, and my right knee, which was already starting to lock up a bit near the end of my walk. Waking up tomorrow should be... interesting.

Also today: I was in Rite Aid, listening to Yo La Tengo's cover of "Little Honda" on my headphones. I stopped the music when I reached the cash register, and the in-store music was the Beach Boys' original.  Now, there is a coincidence.

11:10 AM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

In which Erik has a Horse Fight plan

One of my many plans for Horse Fight: new material.  If I'm going to host, I have to have it.  But if I'm going to test it out at Horse Fight, it's probably going to backfire, and it's irresponsible for a host to do that kind of thing.  (Especially when I'm kind of expecting the comics on the show to really try to put together a good set.)  Meanwhile, if I just do the same "new" jokes at ten shows around town, then try to pull them out again at Horse Fight, they're not going to be new for the more avid show-goers in the crowd.  Hence my new material plan.

When I go up with new material, and it works, I'm freeaing it.  I'm doing it once, maybe twice, and then it's on hold.  This is stuff that has succeeded before.  This is stuff I feel comfortable doing when it matters, e.g. when I'm hosting my show.  Then I present the "official debut" of at least five new minutes at Horse Fight, and following that, those five minutes are released into my act to further develop as usual. 

And at the moment, I'm in good shape for next month.  Shortly after the first Horse Fight show, I wrote a bit about arguing with my roommate.  I've done it twice -- once at the Libertine Lounge, once at the Improv.  Two shows, three total applause breaks.  It's in.  The Libertine Lounge show two weeks ago also featured a bit about Charles Dickens.  It wasn't completely consistent, but it got a couple big laughs.  It's in. 

Fast forward to tonight: the much-vaunted Joke About Butterflies went well.  I have to write it, and may take it out again for a tune-up -- but basically, it's in.  I also have a a joke about drugs that didn't do THAT great, but I feel good about it once I physically write it.  (That's another advantage to the hiatus -- I might be able to convince myself to put the bits through a physical writing stage, which always helps me with phrasing.  But in the past, I've just leaped on successful new material; by the time I had the time to sit down and write a thing, I've usually done the bit a half-dozen times, and at that point I'm just recording the series of phrasings that happened to occur, instead of trying to compose one.)  It's probably in.

So if all four of them are in, there's my five minutes.  (I also have a couple bits that I wrote the day after Horse Fight, but I've done them a few times around town.  They're probably also part of my act at Horse Fight.  But one of them's kind of a tag for an old bit, and the other one is short, so no big situation.)  I'm pretty much done with my writing for the month, and I've got two weeks to go.  I love being so prolific -- I just need to figure out how to keep moving. 

(And if I do keep moving at this rate, how do I find the stage time to work out all the new material?)

8:41 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

In which the worst of Erik’s sprained ankle is over

It never occurred to me a sprained ankle would take so long to recover.  Fortunatately, it now has -- mostly, anyway.  The ankle still hurts a little when I move it certain directions, and the swelling hasn't gone down yet, but I'm pretty happy about my decision not to go to the emergency room at 2 AM Sunday morning.  (I aggravated the injury while putting on a sock; I was about ready to call a taxi, but it turned out my phone was about to die, so I didn't want to go to the hospital without a phone.  By the time the phone was recharged, I felt a lot better.)

So, what am I worried about now?  Mostly, the fact that I haven't been out of the house since Friday, and don't really feel compelled to change that.  I mean, granted, I don't have a lot of places to go.  Monday was the first day in a while I've been willing and able to walk more than a block or so, and I didn't get off work until 8:30, so leaving would have been a problem.  And it's not like I've been booked anywhere.  But remember my history -- I was essentially a hermit for the first 22 years of my life.  The last thing I need is to get used to living like that again.

I have written a couple jokes last week and a couple jokes this week.  I'e tried the ones from last week, and am optimistic; this week's ones await my next booking, I suppose.  I'm really annoyed, because I wrote one joke, but it relied heavily on a fake Charles Dickens character name that I thought of on Saturday night.  I wrote the premise down in the notebook, but forgot to write the name.  And now I'm trying to come up with a new one, but I think Charles Dickens names are one of those things that can only happen when you're not trying.  Confound it! 

Also -- Horse Fight was a huge success.  Thanks to the comics who performed, and everyone who came out.  I need to get to booking the next one -- 9:30pm August 13, for those of you who have calendars!   

6:54 AM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

The perils of my lousy handwriting

I've got a list of joke ideas that I jotted down several months back -- probably in late 2007.  Some of the ideas were made into jokes -- my one-liner about being raised by wolves, the one about non-violent mood swings, etc.  Others are lost to time; I can't remember what I meant by "the much better man", or by "fake mustache".  (Presumably I meant a fake mustache.) 

And then there's one line I don't get at all.  The first word is "grandmother", I know that.  And I think the second word is "being", though even that is dependent on the notion that I somehow failed to write a "g", and instead made a bunch of ineffectual  jabbing motions at the paper following the "n".  (A fairly plausible notion.)  And then the last word... I think it starts with a "t", and it has a lot of tall letters, and it COULD be "talked".  Of course, "grandmother being talked" doesn't make any sense, so it's probably not that, unless I stopped writing the idea mid-thought and moved on to the next line.  (Which was "fake mustache", so that doesn't seem urgent enough.)  Of course, I have no recollection of ever thinking anything about grandmothers was funny.  (I did have a bit about my grandmother seeing my TV appearance a couple months ago, but this pre-dates that incident.)

And then I have "Pennsylvania" written in large letters diagonally across the bottom half of the page.  Now, I'm not sure what THAT could mean... I mean, we all know Pennsylvania isn't funny.

12:19 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Laryngitis update

Day 2 and a half.  (Day 6 or so, if you count the first three-four days, when it was essentially a cold, and I had little or no trouble talking.) 

I have finally regained the upper registers of my voice.  Granted, when I do try to speak in a high-pitched tone, the result is a hideous noise falling somewhere between Mickey Mouse and Marge Simpson.  But at least it's recognizable as a voice, so I suppose I am recovering. 

The deeper half of my voice is coming back in nicely.  I hardly even sound hoarse any more.  I find I feel less strained if I imitate a mild quasi-English accent.  I actually sound rather pleasant.  If only the damage was permanent, and the squeaking and hoarseness weren't an issue, I believe I could finally stop being so self-conscious about the sound of my voice.  Of course, it would be problematic for my comedy. 

(Have considered the possibility than I am going through puberty.  If so, I say About Time; many other symptoms occurred over a decade ago.)

Have had to cancel my show last night (Monday) at El Cid, plus See You Next Tuesday at the UCB tonight.  Was considering going to El Cid and performing like this.  Figured I could pass it off as some kind of sonically unique experimental comedy.  Decided it was a bad medical decision for all concerned, though. 

Don't know when I'll be recovered enough to go back out.  Soon, I hope. 

5:26 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

An excerpt from my unfinished guidebook to Los Angeles

Welcome to Los Angeles! It is pretty much like most other places a person could live. If you enjoy people and things, I am pleased to report that there are a lot of people and things here, so I'm sure you'll like some of them. If you enjoy feeling superior to people and things, I suppose that is another hobby you can pursue. Also, there are numerous restaurants, and you will occasionally see a dog wearing a hat. Who put the hat on the dog? That is the mystery we are all struggling to unravel, except for those of us who don't much care.  Happy Memorial Day!

(I'm kind of stuck here.  I feel this is a good start, but I need to add a few more details before it is publishable.  What else do people need to know about Los Angeles?  I don't want to describe anywhere I go, because then I'll just end up with a bunch of guidebook people following me around.  But that's all the places I know about!  Also, I need to figure out how to make sure that people only read the book on Memorial Day, because otherwise that last line totally doesn't make sense.) 

4:32 PM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Erik speaks out on Radiohead!

I was a pretty big fan of "OK Computer" for a couple years in college. Not so much these days, but I've got nothing against Radiohead -- I can't think of anything they've done that I really disliked.  I just think that at some point, I subconsciously asked myself, "all right, Erik, are you going to keep up with this Radiohead thing?", and subconsciously answered, "oh, I don't know, it seems like a lot of effort."

That's pretty much my Radiohead story.

As for what I'm listening to?  A lot of Yo La Tengo.  I somehow managed to avoid all of Yo La Tengo's louder/faster songs until a few months ago, giving me the impression that they just played a lot of soft slow music all the time.  But no, it turns out they also have a lot of loud music with distortion and whatnot.  ("Blue Line Swinger" = Erik's favorite song of all time, circa April/May 2008.)  I'm also listening to more Bob Dylan than usual.  I got a haircut last week, but that's not music. 

My birthday went really well!  If you were there, thanks for being there!

A couple updates on my blog of March 22: No second date occurred.  I did watch Ghostbusters, though.

12:47 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Bad news (eviction?) and good news (fat Erik shouting at Bostonians)

Well, I've received an eviction notice.  Or... some sort of pre-eviction notice.  Seems the city thinks my apartment is in kind of bad shape.  The city is wrong, fortunately. At the moment, my living room contains four or five big plastic crates, which usually dwell in my closets but were taken out and ransacked in search of a W-2 a couple weeks back. Also: two cardboard boxes, which once contained household goods (computer, desk chair) and have since adopted the ad hoc role of laundry hampers.  Needless to day, this makes things look worse than they are.  Once the former make their way back to the closet, and the latter to the dumpster, the living room will be restored to its usual condition (i.e. living.)  This will happen at some point in the next few hours.  The whole thing is ridiculous, because crates don't constitute a health or fire hazard anyway.  Not even laundry does, really... I guess laundry would burn if you set it on fire, but I wasn't planning to do that.

Also, there is a bicycle in the living room.  I'm not sure why this is a problem for the housing bureau, but I will just move the bicycle to another room or something. (They didn't tell me where they wanted the bicycle.)  Alternately, does anyone want a bicycle?

Also, the thirty-year-old linoleum tile in my kitchen has started to crack.  I am pretty sure this is my landlord's problem, and the law seems to agree on this matter. 

So I figure that they do not have a case against me.  I am a little worried that they are trying to force me out of the apartment for devious reasons of their own -- rent-raising? -- but if that is the case, I will gladly make a deal with them: they don't evict me, and I leave on my own next month.  I've been considering moving out anyway.

Every cloud has a silver lining, though.  In this case, my frantic cleaning exercises have uncovered a long-misplaced recording of myself performing comedy at the long-running, now-defunct open mic held at the Emerald Isle bar in lovely Dorchester, Mass. on October 29, 2002.  I started performing on October 7, so this is probably something around my fifth or sixth performance.  I haven't seen it in a few years, but I do recall a few details:

- I weighed about 300 pounds at the time, and as it was cold in Boston, I frequently wore a huge gray parka with a plaid lining.  This fashionable look caused a local comic who saw my second show (October 10, Comedy Studio, Cambridge) to make a message board post comparing my appearance to that of A Confederacy of Dunces' famous antihero Ignatius Reilly.  (Inadvertently foredooming me to despise that particular book when I read it a few months later.)

- I did an early version of the virginity joke, and also the "It's Raining Men" joke, and the Noah's Ark joke I still sometimes do.  I also did an inexplicable thing about  the words "gloves" and "socks" sounding like "love" and "sex".  That was the joke.  (The joke that I did.)

- You think Erik didn't start riffing until 2007?  Think again!  This tape opens with me exchanging words with host John David regarding a bit he did earlier concerning the Olsen Twins.  You've probably never heard Erik say the words "Question: Are we not men?  Answer: We are the Olsen Twins".  There's a good chance you've never even heard Erik say "Olsen Twins".  Well, you will hear that as soon as I can transfer this tape to an online-ready format. 

This process will most likely be a higher priority if I'm not evicted.

1:30 AM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Don’t do a modern-dress production of Shakespeare, people.

I don't know if any of my blog readers are members of a self-important acting troupe, but if so, I'd like to ask them not to do a version of Shakespeare that is about businessmen, or Nazis, or some other thing from a century that has nothing to do with Shakespeare.  It's been done.  It's been done so many times that it's a cliche.  It's been done, and it's dishonest.  You're essentially grafting Shakespeare's words onto things you think.  You're against the Third Reich.  Shakespeare wasn't against the Third Reich.  Shakespeare died two and a half centuries before the First Reich.  The guy didn't even know what a reich was.

And yeah, he probably would have been against the Nazis if he had been alive then.  They were Nazis.  A lot of people were against them.  (You're against them, I'm against them, we're all against them.  Stop acting like you're brave because you dared speak out against some Nazis.)  Also, the Nazis wanted to attack England, and I can't see Shakespeare liking that. 

But if Shakespeare was alive then, he probably would have written plays about the Nazis.  He didn't do that.  He wrote plays about Julius Caesar and Henry IV and Oberon, King of the Fairies.  People like that.  And maybe those plays were also kind of about Queen Elizabeth or Sir Walter Raleigh or somebody -- you know, political figures who Shakespare actually knew about.  So if you want to do something with that, feel free.  Of course, you probably don't know about Elizabethan politics, because you're a theater director.   So probably you should just do the play, which you probably are good at, because that's your actual job.  Unless it's your hobby, but even then, British history isn't your hobby.

All I'm saying is, if I go to see Hamlet, I want to hear what Shakespeare had to say about Hamlet, not what some director yutz has to say about Enron.  If you have something to say about Enron, write a thing about Enron, and try to get it produced, and fail, and leave me alone.  Don't hijack a play everyone already likes and act like it's about your thing.  You're the artistic equivalent of a guy who thinks he's funny for repeating catchphrases from movies.  Go away.  

3:00 PM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

The Equestrian Life with ECN

Well, I'm back on the Internet dating horse.

Wait, no -- typo.  

Well, I'm back on the Internet dating a horse.  I feel these long-distance e-mail relationships are doomed to failure, especially because it's hard for her to type with hooves -- but I have to give it a shot. 

Other thoughts foremost in my mind over recent days include "why am I not asleep yet?"  This is a topic near and dear to my heart, especially at 5 AM.  Tomorrow afternoon, it may not be as crucial; more pressing worries may include "why hasn't that horse written back yet?" and "can I get away with taking a nap at work?"  Not necessarily in that order, either -- you can't get too upset that a horse doesn't return your e-mails within twelve hours.  It's impressive enough that the animal is sending e-mail to begin with. 

A remarkable animal, the horse.

5:00 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment