Official DR Release on MEDICAL SUPPLIES AS PRIZES
Category: News and Politics

Diabetic Rockstar Official Release

RE: Organizational Stance on Medical Supply “Prizes”....

September 1^st. 2008....

.. ..

Diabetic Rockstar is more than just a social network. A community built upon principles such as integrity, pride and support for the individuals affected by diabetes, Diabetic Rockstar blends its website, organization and charity under the premise that no diabetic should suffer the physical, emotional and financial burden of diabetes without adequate support.

Diabetic Rockstar, as a social network, prides itself on giving “Rockstars” (those who wish to break down common stereotypes associated with diabetes and choose to “Live Life the Way It is Meant to Be Lived”) an uncensored, unscripted and unapologetic forum for interaction, chat and knowledge. Diabetic Rockstar’s attitude is a fresh and unique approach to living with diabetes, a Community truly like no other.

With the Rockstar Mantra in mind, the Fight It charity campaign is quickly establishing itself as the only diabetic charity whose sole focus is aiding the financially struggling, uninsured and/or newly diagnosed.  Diabetic Rockstar’s Fight It has had tremendous growth in recent months as we push to our goal of all diabetics  having the resources, medical supplies and financial stability they need in order to survive.

Recently there have been a number of websites and organizations, both with non-profit and for-profit status, that have been  holding various contests with prizes including blood glucose testing meters, testing strips and other medical supplies. As of September 1^st, 2008, Diabetic Rockstar will no longer support, promote or advertise sites that use these incentives/prizes as a basis of award.

Diabetic Rockstar understands that many of these sites are valuable resources for diabetics. We commend any organization that serves the diabetes community in a positive way; we take nothing away from their respective important roles they fill to hundreds of thousands of diabetics each and every day. While we understand the importance of both marketing and distributing these vital medical supplies in any way possible, Diabetic Rockstar does not see using them as a platform for furthering agendas as being in the best interest of individuals in need.

Diabetic Rockstar/Fight It Board Members, staff, members and volunteers have dedicated countless hours to fundraising on behalf of others. 100% of the money and supplies we raise directly helps others, with no further agenda, gimmick or fine print. We find it disheartening to know that companies and websites we find important to the diabetes community would use the very same supplies we desperately are trying to get in the hands of others as “prizes”.

Testing Strips are not a prize. They are a need.....

The health and safety of diabetics nation and worldwide is not a reward. It is our demand.

It is true that because of these “contests”, “giveaways”, etc. many diabetics will receive supplies they need. But we are forced to ask: At what cost? Would it not be easier to give away cash, t-shirts, informational books, subscriptions, etc? The positive PR for the companies would remain the same, as likely would the participation. And at the same time companies that have access to the medical supplies used as prizes could be donating and/or distributing them directly to those who truly need them.

The purpose of this release is not to slander websites and companies that we still deem to be important allies in this Fight against diabetes. It is:

1)      To take an official stance as a non-profit organization against a corporate behavior we find to not be in the best interest of diabetics.

2)      To further define Diabetic Rockstar as THE website, community and charity that will always “Fight” for the needs of its members and all others, without regard to “business” practices of others

3)      To provoke websites and companies holding these supplies as prizes to reconsider their positions and decisions.

.. ..

Diabetic Rockstar welcomes all feedback to our official stance, positive and negative. You may do so by e-mailing diabeticrockstar@gmail.com or engaging in our official discussion in the Rockstar Forums.

1:00 PM - 2 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

They Can't Ignore Us. They Won't Forget Us. UPDATED!!
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes

I'm done with the cute stuff in this blog. One of the reasons this blog was often read was because I wasn't scared to ruffle some feathers, speak my mind, and make some people cringe. Well I am back.

I've been playing nice with 'Corporate Diabetic America'. I haven't been arguing with 'I have diabetes and I am going to die' diabetics in chat rooms or forums. I actually apologized to someone the other day for something on DR being offensive.

I don't know what happened to me, but that's got to stop.

I am friends with DiaTribe Newsletter on Facebook. It is a newsletter that is based on spreading the word about diabetes news and updates, with a 'no holding back' mentality, something I can appreciate. But they have done something that really irks me, and quite frankly pisses me off.

I'm not playing nice on this one.

Diatribe is having a 'contest'. The grand prize is free testing strips for a year, with 18 second place prizes of 100 testing strips each. Sounds great, right?

Oh yeah...To enter, you have to go to their website and help spread the word about their newsletter.

So, in essence, they are using the idea of free testing strips, a medical supply that thousands of diabetics are literally killing themselves trying to afford, as a marketing gimmic to further their readership. So a 'leading diabetes newsletter', that is supposed to be 'for the people', is exploiting the desperate needs of others in an attempt to further their own agenda.

That's not a contest. That's not charity. And Diatribe should be f'ing ashamed of themselves.

Will this irk someone over there? Probably. But I don't care. I'm not here to make friends. I am not here to play nice with the Diabetes Community. I am here to demand some accountability, to Fight for the Individuals, to do whatever I can to help those in need.

So I challenge you, Diatribe, to do the right thing. If you really want to help people, and you really care about the things you say in your newsletter, you'll scrap this contest. You will donate these testing strips to Fight It, or to ANY other organization similar, to people that need them. You will not use the healthcare of suffering diabetics as a marketing tool.

This isn't about me getting donations. You know what, don't send it to me. I will give you the names and addresses of 10 people who need these. I will do so anonymously, I won't tell the people I gave you the addresses. You can contact them on your own. You can use it for all the positive PR you want. I want NOTHING in return except for you to do the right thing.

Again, the name is Diatribe Newsletter. They are on my facebook friends. They are probably on my Myspace somewhere, and I am sure you can google 'corporate diabetic greed' or something as well.

I am Christopher Thomas of Diabetic Rockstar. I don't care who I make angry. By the time this Diabetic Revolution is over, though, DR and Fight It are going to hold everyone accountable, demand action, and make sure that those suffering and in need are taken care of.

I'm back, baby.

While I have you here, let me tell you about some news and events that actually help people.

Our Chicago event was a big success. BIG thanks to: Arnie, Leanne, Sarah, Amy and Shiloh for all their help in organizing and volunteering at the event. Special thanks to Exit Chicago for being a great host and providing a true 'Rockstar' venue.

Next up, with details to come soon, is a charity event in Arizona, near ASU, on November 1st, the night of the largest JDRF walk in the country.

We follow that up with November 14, World Diabetes Day, here in New York City. All of the industry's biggest representatives will be here for conferences and meetings with the UN, the International Diabetes Foundation, JDRF and the American Diabetes Association. National and International Press will be on hand.

And we are going to throw the largest, craziest charity concert yet.

Diabetic Rockstar VS. World Diabetes Day
'They Can't Ignore Us. They Won't Forget Us.'

You see, some organizations 'walk'. We run, jump and scream.

Some organiations hand out pamphlets. We post 12 x 18 Posters witha giant freaking fist.

Diabetic Rockstars, 1000 people and growing, will be heard. We are going to make a difference.

It starts with holding people, businesses and organizations accountable.

It continues with our charity helping those in need.

It revolves around a social network built around the notion that we are Diabetic. Not Dead.

This is the Diabetic Revolution.

And I approve this damn message.

I'm Out.

ps

the website is http://diatribe.us

UPDATE

There response, and my response back. FUCK THEM.

Hi Christopher,
I'm sorry you feel that way about our strip giveaway. However, I feel I should explain to you further our goals in organizing this event. We received these strips after our founder and Editor-in-Chief was invited to take part in the 'More Power To You Campaign.' Rather than holding on to almost two years worth of test strips,  she decided to create this giveaway to achieve two aims:
Give people a break from diabetes supply expenses.
Increase awareness of what we believe to be very pertinent, independent, accurate, and interesting content that diaTribe provides.
diaTribe is a completely free and independent newsletter and we are not receiving any type of compensation from organizing this strip giveaway or from publishing any of the content we work so hard to create.

Once again, I'm truly sorry that you do not think our giveaway was a good idea and I look forward to further communication with you to find out what you think may have been a better way of going about it.

Thanks for taking the time to send us an email.

Best regards,

ME!!!!!!

I appreciate your prompt response to my e-mail and concerns. Unfortunately I feel there are some inconsistencies between your response and the actual matter at hand.
 
First of all, this is not a 'giveaway'. This is a contest. If it was a giveaway, there would be no issue at hand; instead, your organization is opting to use a medical supply that people desperately need as a ploy to make money.
 
And, yes, it is about money. The more people that subscribe to diaTribe means more ad clicks, website hits, and a larger mailing list available at diaTribe's disposal for anything you or sponsors see fit. If it is not about money, then it certainly is about ego.
 
This isn't a matter of what you can do to fix this in the future, it is what you can do to fix it now. You say you have two years worth of testing strips sitting around? That's laughable. Laughable because while organizations like mine, that throws nationwide fundraisers, runs clothing lines, etc in order to try and get supplies like these in people's hands....Why, you are sitting on a stockpile that could literally mean the difference between life and death for some uninsured, financially struggling or down on their luck diabetic. Instead of distributing them to those in need, you have chosen to use them in a shameful subscription gimmic.
 
I do not accept the apology. I also fully intend on letting the world know about this horrifying contest. Look deep into your conscious. If you cannot find it in yourself to do the right thing, which would be to scrap this conest and donate these strips to people that need them (I will give 19 name and addresses anonymously), I can only assume the premise of which this newsletter was started is under false pretenses, and therefore of no real use or value to the diabetes community. And I will be sure to spread that as well.
 
Christopher Thomas
DIABETIC ROCKSTAR

9:53 AM - 41 Comments - 64 Kudos - Add Comment

Rainbow Brite Probably Grew Up To Be A Hott Piece of Ass
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes

I think that one of the worst feelings in the world, that I thankfully have now discovered, is sneezing while you have a mouthful of Listerine.

I think that the Chinese women gymnastics team look like they need babysitters. And that they all look alike, except for that little itty bitty one, she just looks like the girl in Chinatown that stole my wallet.

I think that I need a new wardrobe, cause my only pair of jeans that doesn't have a hole in them makes my ass look big. They are also so tight that they make my boxers become briefs, as in my window of time to bear children is very brief since everytime I wear them I hear little Phoenix and his brothers say "Knock that shit off, you have us swimming in cicrles down here."

I think it has been so long since I wrote a real blog I kind of forgot what the hell this online diary is supposed to be about. And for some reason I find myself thinking: Which one is Busta Rhymes, and which one is Coolio?

I think that the government has spent a million dollars researching Heath Ledger's tragic overdose, twenty million investigating baseball's steroid scandal, billions on imposing forcing no wait instituting democracy in countries I can't spell...But cab drivers are standing next to the homeless because they can't afford $4 per gallon for gas and Osama Bin Laden is vacationing on a sand dune somewhere.

For the record that was for comedic effect. Osama Been Dead. For a few years, I believe. Otherwise we are just in Operation Biggest Waste of Time ever.

It was 1989, my thoughts were short my hair was long
Caught somewhere between a boy and man
She was seventeen and she was far from in-between
It was summertime in Northern Michigan

The other day I had my first "real" low. Yeah, my sugar has dropped before. I have had a couple of scares. One time, for some unknown reason, other than my continuous string for retarded decisions, I took insulin before bed. I woke up and made it to the counter in the kitchen before collapsing. The peanut butter vibrated off the shelf and hit me on the head.

So, I was at work, and I was waiting on tables that didn't exist. I tried to make a bloody mary but literally poored a whole container on the counter, missing the glass by a few inches. I was dancing to a beat in my head, that, now in retrospect, might have been just my heart beating.

I don't think I had a seizure, because I don't remember. I am missing some time in this whole episode. People were concerned, but more angry when I shrugged the whole thing off. I mean, really, what should I get all freaked out for? It won't be the last time I drop so low I almost drop. Hell, the buzz was so good, I am thinking about OD'ing on the cloudy fix just to see if I can hallucinate a bagel again.

I was eating a napkin, but the cream cheese tasted pretty good.

Splashing through the sand bar
Talking by the campfire
It's the simple things in life, like when and where
We didn't have no internet
But man I never will forget
The way the moonlight shined upon her hair

The girl I am dating won me a monkey. I named her Lupe Francesca, and I think it may be a little racist that I had to name my monkey a Latina name. Lupe likes to suck on her tail and itch my back. I think Lupe is in heat.

I say "the girl I am dating". You know what that really means? It means the girl who has me whipped. Seriously. I think I realize why I have spent 27 of my 28 years single: All it takes, apparently, is two cups of morning coffee and a mini-skirt and I am ready to steal a uterus and purchase a wedding ring. I think, however, life would be easier if I did it the other way around.

Relationships are tricky. When I think I do something right I am actually doing something that challenges for the Bronze Medalist at the Special Olympics in a spelling contest.

Okay, I just realized that made no sense. In my head it did.

My point is that women don't get me, and I don't get them.

Men also understand my sarcasm. Women do not. Men laugh when I make breast jokes. Women do not. If I was gay, I think I would have it made. Then again who would clean the dishes?

And.....Now I get no sex for a week.

And we were trying different things
We were smoking funny things
Making love out by the lake to our favorite song
Sipping whiskey out the bottle, not thinking 'bout tomorrow
Singing Sweet home Alabama all summer long
Singing Sweet home Alabama all summer long

I haven't been very active in the world of the web. I think I had a mini-breakdown. I think sometimes I put so much on my plate that I purposely self-destruct. I mean, generally speaking, the best thing about human kind is we can destruct ourselves better than anyone else can.

It's not that the website is too much. There are great board members helping out and doing more than I do. It just started feeling like a job. I know that sounds silly, but the craziest thing about Fight It/DR is that in the previous year it has never felt like a job until now. I always felt in control, and was able to work at my own pace on the projects and things I wanted to do.

But that's not the case anymore. The expectations are high. The need for a leader is high. And for the past two weeks I have hid, scared. I don't know what the hell I am scared of. But it is probably failure.

I sometimes wish I was a Hilton and could live of off other people's money, or that I was a Bush, and could live off of Iraqi oil. I've found myself wishing I was someone else a lot lately, and that pisses me off.

Catching Walleye from the dock
Watching the waves roll off the rocks
She'll forever hold a spot inside my soul
We'd blister in the sun
We couldn't wait for night to come
To hit that sand and play some rock and roll

I am trying to get back in the game, though. So here are a couple of things you should consider:

1) Chicago, August 23, our next event at Exit Chicago (www.exitchicago.com). Most of the board members and dozens of Rockstars will be in attendance, including me. Check out the forum discussion at DR for hotel arrangements: Many of us will be at the Best Western, about a mile and a half from the venue. Meet and Greet your Rockstar Board Members, some special guests...And, oh yeah, help us raise a ton of money for Fight It!

2) We are organizing a Rockstar Cruise for the spring on either Royal Caribbean or Carnival Crusie Lines. We will be having a large group of Rockstar Diabetics, and it is open to Rockstar members along with friends and families, along with those from other diabetes websites. The cruise is also a fundraiser--and a great way to drink sugar-free pina coladas (One can only wish) with your fellow Addicts and Casuals. Check out the Cruise Group on DR for more info.

3) Add me on Facebook (Christopher Thomas, New York, NY). I also have a "Fan Page" which is more for the website fandom, an Insulin Addict/Diabetic Rockstar group, and a Cause-Fight It page. We will be updating all three with a ton of stuff including photos, videos, blogs, quotes, etc etc.

4) CHECK OUT DWARRIOR.COM. Sarah, the D Warrior, is raising money for Fight It with a remarkable goal/race.

Everytime I hear that "Apologize" song it makes me want to do a shot of tequila. Everytime I hear Summer of 69 it makes me want to run outside and play in a sprinkler.

Now nothing seems as strange as when the leaves began to change
Or how we thought those days would never end
Sometimes I'll hear that song and I'll start to sing along
And think man I'd love to see that girl again

I have abnormally large feet. And, no, I don't think this backs up the myth that big feet means big....

Some things I need to Google to learn what the hell they mean: Gelding (Is it a gay horse?), Bunion (does it mean an onion on the foot?), Vitamin K (I thought it was a drug).

I have tried four different types of Axe and Tag and not once has a line of women chased me down a street. I think I should sue for false advertising. I also think that the fact my idea for a velcro condom (Strap in, it's gonna be a wild ride) really needs to move forward.

And this whole Be Like Kanye supplement that is in stores? Who wants to be a racist, buck toothed, lysp and lip singing douchebag?

Is Meatloaf's real name Meatloaf? Cause that would be weird.

Great. Now I have "I would do anything for love, You know it's true, it's a fact, I would do anything for love......" in my head.

I want a nickname.
I want a little baby Phoenix (Keep swimming buddy).
I want to find a grown up Rainbow Brite. Everyone could tell that bitch was going to grow up to be a hott piece of ass.

I think that any country that name itself after a US state should be invaded. For now on I am going to only refer to Georgia as the Dirty South. Nelly must be upset by this whole fiasco.

And what happened to Nelly?

For the matter, what happened to Sisqo?

I think I need to develop a drug addiction to be famous.

What the hell am I saying? I AM an addict.

AUGUST 17, SUNDAY, in the Rockstar Chat Room: Mere will be in, talking about their USA Olympic soundtrack gig, upcoming shoes, and all things Rockstar.

peace.

4:52 PM - 6 Comments - 7 Kudos - Add Comment

I Have No Idea How To Spell Carribbeean

It's been a while since I last blogged. To say things have been slightly hectic would be to say that Brad Pitt is a little underexposed, or that Paris Hilton has a slight oral fixation. In fact, things are so crazy that I am writing this blog and I actually have no freaking clue what I am going to write about.

I could write about all the developments in my personal life (why else would I blog, though, honestly?), all the things happening with Rockstar and Fight It (I'll bury it at the end, way after you stopped reading anyway), maybe comment on the Presidential election or something actually newsworthy, like the fact I somehow subscribed to Prevention Magazine without knowing it, despite the fact I am 28 and every article talks about arthritis.

Come to think of it, my knee is sort of stiff.

Way to go preventing that you journalistic geniuses.

So this is it, the feeling that I've missed
A subtle kind of pain that keeps me from sleep
I try to explain how you touch drives me insane
And I can't spend a night without wishing I was with you

So the last blog was fun, in a therapist who gets off on his patient's inadequacies sort of way.

My little sister came out last week to visit me for four days. There is an age difference of 14 years between us, and the only thing I kept thinking was "My god I hope I wasn't like that when I was younger". The reality, of course, is that I was probably much, much worse.

I have the older brother mentality, but in a few different ways. To listen to her talk about boys, and tell and understand me and my friends' sarcastic and sexually offensive jokes, well, it was quite a smack in the nuts.

My sister, to me, since I was 13 when she was born, will always be an innocent little girl in need of protecting. I guess, in some ways, it was good for me to see she can take care of her own. In fact I was never so proud of her as to when a friend of mine offered her a drink and she stoutly said "No thank you" even though I was in the restroom. This is a girl that gets it, something I never did.

Maybe she can learn from her older brother's mistakes after all.

But, Kacie, if you are reading this, the moment I catch you in the back seat with some high school senior in his 1986 Camaro, well, trust me on two things:

1) You will regret it because it is physically impossible to do anything remotely romantic in the back seat without pulling a calf muscle or two.

2) I will be going to jail for 5-10 years, depending on how fast the police are able to stop me from shoving my foot up his ass while my fist gives him permanent ring indentations on his scrawny little face.

I  wanna tell you a secret
And leave it on your lips
Wanna sing it through your body
Wanna tell it through this kiss
If I told you my secret
Would you swear to keep it?
Would you swear to keep it?

I never had an older sibling to teach me what to do and what not do. I never had a mentor of sorts to stop me from jumping off a third floor balcony while drunk, or to explain to me that tequila in English means "Projectile Vomit".

I also didn't have an older bro or sis to help me get laid.

And neither do you little sister.

Watching you dance and seeing you smile
Still getting butterflies every once in a while
Feelings exist I'm falling
twist on lust
a choice to care
a wish to touch

The latest article about the website and yours truly came out about a week and a half ago. It was short, sweet, and had a nice front page picture of my mohawk. Lovely.

But the even better news is that the latest Rockstar Event is now a "Go". August 23 in Chicago, at "Exit Chicago". It will run from about 9pm to 5-ish, and include two special guest DJ's (This is a DJ event, not a concert).

Some highlights:

--"Rockstar" girls pimping out our merchandise and accepting donations
--DJ's spinning everything Rock, from punk to alternative to industrial to goth
--A block of hotel rooms have been reserved at a nearby hotel for pre/post parties (and passing out)

So if you can make it to Chi-Town August 23...You will not regret it.

In addition to that event, we also have the makings of a Arizona one in November, another NYC one in December and Detroit somehwere in between. We have also been exploring the makings of a Diabetic Rockstar Cruise for a few nights in the Caribbean.

Whew.

When you say never I'll say lie
When you say always I'll say true
When you say love I'll say you

I'm thinking about getting another tattoo...Three stars (like the Rockstar Track Zip-Up) on my chest, in between my two on each side there already. Inside would read "Every Moment Counts" with the Moment-Star being larger.

Either that or a tattoo of a Splenda Packet on my calf.

Three Bands You Probably Don't Want To Like, But Should:
We The Kings
The Rocket Summer
The Spill Canvas

Three Bands You Probably Have Never Heard Of, But Should:
Mayday Parade
The Sophomore Attempt
Every Avenue

Okay....

Just wanted to say "Hi"

My only day off from the bar this week.... TONS of stuff for DR to do.

12:40 PM - 8 Comments - 9 Kudos - Add Comment

Everything’s More Fun Naked, Right? MY EXPOSED TRUTHS
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural

You can't spend time, nor can you earn it. But you definitely can waste it.

I don't want to waste time. I don't want to go out being a fly on the wall, a speck on the canvas of life. I want to be the artist, but more so I want to be the son of a bitch walking by on the street that smacks the artist's hand and just completely changes everything, for better or worse.

I had a comment from someone who was reading a blog I had written one year ago, written shortly after my diagnosis, where I called out God...It was the Blog of the Broken Cliche.

I'll confess tonight you're all that's on my mind
I know these roof top nights could last forever
We watched the seasons change,
We saw the distance pull us away,
From all we shared together

Obviously a lot has changed. I'd like to believe I am more mature, although I definitely am not any more taller or a baller. I've also spent a lot of time lately studying the human psyche, and what makes me and others tick. I realize that a lot of time we waste is us trying to avoid Truths and replace them with "I wills" I cans" "I shoulds" and "That's not me".

It happens to coincide with the book I am taking forever to write, "So You Want To be a Rockstar?" Touche.

That just may be the wrong use of Touche. There's the rub. Oh how you changed my life Mikey, you are so damn money.

I seem to be off on a tangeant. I am impressed I used the word tangeant. On the anniversary of the "Blog of the Broken Cliche"....I give you "The Blog of My Exposed Truths."

And in return I would like one of yours. It's always fun when we get interactive here.

The purpose is to expose yourself like you never have. Because the only way to become the person you want to be is to break yourself down into the simplest context, simplest complex. Luckiliy I am just stupid and crazy enough to start. And fuck, I have many.

Right now is all we have,
You better make this count
These are the moments I wish I could forget you

The Truth is that I am a 28 year old kid. I'm not a man. A man has a real job, with real responsibilities. I hide from mine. Why? Hell if I know. I'm a scared son of a bitch, maybe.

You know when Britney sang "Not A Girl, Not Yet a Woman"? That's me...Except, you know, the male version. Sometimes. I do think I would make a hot chick, although my nose and feet are big (And that's about all, sadly.)

I can't walk in heels...But for some reason I have a history of trying on bras.

I also look like a kid. One day, I swear on this, I'm going to stop being hit on by people my little sister's age. When I was a teenager I got the awww he's so cute, and now as a "man" I get the Teen Beaters. I want to beat those teens, metaphorically of course. I can't even beat up the bum that tried to steal my cheeseburger the other day.

Or the Mexican that kicked me in the head. Puto.

I think back to the nights
I looked into your bright green eyes
And you said, "let's run away"
It's nine AM the sun won't rise for
Three more hours Pacific time
You said, "let's run away"

The Truth is that I have too many vices for one person. But I am working on that, because I realize my faults. I stopped gambling, and I bet you that I may stick with that.

I am chewing Nicorette again. Besides smokes being $9 a pack, I don't look cool smoking like I once thought. Joe Camel, you are a bastard, and Marlboro Man, well, I never see you getting any ass when you get off the horse, except maybe Jake Gynnehall or however you spell the sister-raper's name.

It's amazing to me that Maggie looks more like a man that him.

Of course everyone wearing boxers looks more like a man that me, so, well...I guess I Got Nothin'.

The Truth is I spent many years as an alcoholic. Some people say this led to my Diabetic State of Me. I am not an expert, but I think that is bs. But I also can't prove otherwise. Those people who say alcohol is not a drug, well, I can give you a few examples on the contrary, and it starts with my father.

Why did I drink so much? Maybe it's because I had nothing better to do. Maybe it's because I looked hotter when I was stumbling around, or the girls looked better, or because I am much, much better in bed after a few beers. I don't know. I do know I over indulge on everythging, always have.

I'd blame it on peer pressure but my friends were too drunk to pressure me.

I'd blame it on growing up in the 'hood, but I lived in the second whitest city in America for a while. Of course then I moved to a city 3/4 black.

No wonder why I kept changing from Levi's and "Used" Jeans to Girbaud and Tommy. Wow, I was a fucking dork when I was a kid. Still am.

I picked apart every word that you said
I dissected each sentence but kept coming up empty
The way you are leaves me counting the days
'Til the next time this distance will be a memory

The Truth is I have battled depression all of my life, and as you know from previous blogs, I finally started medication for it a few months back.

How fucked up was I at one point?

Glad you asked.

I remember being in a counselor's chair...It was probably like the 4th psycho-fixer I had seen. One didn't speak English, one had hairy legs, one wanted to sleep with me (He was an odd man) and this one seemed kind of normal. I was probably, hell, 17 or so.

I exploded emotion and oozed obscenities. I was bashing my mother for a while, for making me feel like an outcast when all I ever did was conform to everyone. And the nice pseudo-doctor agreed with me.

So I said..."Bitch, don't talk about my mom like that" and threw a chair.

The Truth is that I have battled addiction to painkillers for many years. Now, not like full blown addiction, I should note. I don't want to slight the real addicts by making my recreational use seem bigger than it is. I just really really like Vicodin, Percocet, Valium, etc etc. Weed always made me fall asleep. And too paranoid. Xanax always made me fall asleep and dream about falling asleep. But I always awoke like I never went to sleep at all.

Uh, get that?

It started when I broke my neck playing hockey and the doctor presribed me 15 vicodin, but the pharmacy gave me 500. Thats what happens when you let 18 year old illiterate ghetto girls fill scripts.

Where have you been?
(Where have you been?)

The Truth is that I am a hopeless romantic but have sabotaged any relationship I ever wanted to keep and stayed in everyone that I knew was unhealthy. I envy other's relationships but never put in the effort needed to sustain my own. Maybe the grass is always greener on the other side is a cliche' I can relate to, except for the fact I never go to the other side. I just find a hoe and go to town on mine.

I crack myself up. Find a hoe. I should remember that one.

In Scrubs (God Bless Zach Braff) there is a line where they say "Dating is keeping in the crazy until they like you enough to let it out."

The problem is that I am attracted to the crazy. I don't want the normal, I want the neorotic. I'm a damn gemini, what can I say.

I'm trying to be a big boy and not sabotage things anymore. That's kind of hard when I also want everything I want now. It's a delicate line, I admit. I'd like to believe that there is someone out there that can deal with me, but also intrigue and challenge me at the same time.

And maybe there is.

Two thumbs up and a shot of tequila towards hoping for that.

The Truth is I think if I get a lot of tattoos I can hide the fact I have no muscles. I don't like to work, so why would I work out?

The Truth is that I took almost 8 years to get my college degree but I don't feel I learned anything in school that compares to what I learned in life.

You know the saying "I learned everything I need to know in Kindegarten"? Well, if Kindergarten had sex-ed, well, that would be so damn true. But at age 5 I was still playing the "push it in, watch it pop out" game, which, ironically is a similar game I play now. Except I knew what I was doing at age 5. Now I have no damn clue.

Screw explaining the urethra in sex ed. Give me a rode map and some step by step directions to not sucking in bed. That would be a lot more beneficial.

Right now is all we have,
You better make this count
These are the moments I wish I could forget you.

The Truth is that a "Diabetic Role-Model" I am a shitty diabetic. I don't test my blood sugar barely ever. Maybe I am scared. Maybe the website and charity is my way of avoiding my own needs and issues.

The Truth is that I am not perfect, but I don't want to be. I am crazy, neorotic, selfish, frightened, addicted, complex, egotistical, philanthropic, genuine, kind, beaten down, motivated, intelligent, funny, retarded (not in the wheelchair hitting yourself in the head but the metaphorically continuously stupid kind) all at the same time. And at every given moment I am capable of carrying on a conversation with myself and, honestly, sometimes I enjoy that more than the company of others.

The Truth is that I recognize my faults and hug them, embrace them, hold them close, make love to them. Because all of the things that make me imperfect are what make me.

The first step to becoming the person you want to be is recognizing the things that have strayed you in the first place. Life is a series of decisions, and often we choose the decision with the least resistance.

I, amazingly, always seem to make the decision that will bite me in the ass.

I do not tell you this to condone my actions, nor do I tell you all of this to brag or for your sympathy. I just want everyone to know that we are all fucked up in some way.

The first step is recognizing it.

That's harder than it seems, when we are trained to keep it in.

The second step is waking up and doing something, one thing, that will make you be one step closer to the person you want to be.

Today I bought Nicorette, and shipped three hundred dollars worth of aide to diabetics in need. And didn't sabotage myself.

Tomorrow? Well it doesn't exist. Not yet. First I have to go to sleep with no regrets.

So tell me...What's your Truth?

Come on, Rockstars...Lets expose ourselves and kick life's ass.

Everything's more fun when you're naked, right?

Right now is all we have,
You better make this count

6:38 PM - 20 Comments - 27 Kudos - Add Comment

Independence Day and The Day After Rock Fights Back

I just watched the movie Miracle, the story of the 1980 Olympic Ice Hockey team, a little treat to myself for the 4th of July. It's hard, sometimes, to imagine the US as an underdog at anything now-a-days, unless you count worldwide popularity contests. In that case I think we are running neck and neck with Fidel Castro and Cuba, and they might have an advantage, considering Guantanamo Bay is there.

I saw a headline: "What does it mean to be patriotic?"

Is it anti-war protests? Wearing yellow ribbons, or flag lapel pins? I really don't know. But I know what it isn't.

I think we are an easy target for foreign countries to hate. But it seems like we are an easier target for our own citizens. It seems like in an age where our headlines regarding Britney Spears and Madonna force Iraq coverage to page 7, right before the full page furniture ads, that we take for granted what we have.

We live in the single greatest country in the world. I truly believe that, from the bottom of my heart. But I also think that we have some of the most dis-illusioned, immature, ignorant and self-depricating citizens in the world. We are overzealous, over weight and over-confident. But we are, in a way, ourselves. We are individuals.

There is something to be said when feelings of patriotism come not from our country's accomplishments but from a Rocky movie, a Miracle on Ice or an Osama Bin Laden tape that, in all honesty, was probably recorded seven years ago, considering I truly believe he is dead.

I don't know what the solution to all of this is. But I do know this: There is no other country I would rather be in. We are a melting pot of genius and stupidity, cultures and religions, wrongs and rights, Republicans and Democrats, tax breaks and gasoline taxes...We are a country that is willing to spend half of our GNP on foreign aid and relief, in places that you and I cannot even pronounce.

But the best thing about this country? That I can write this blog, and do so freely, because our Constitution says so. And you can disagree with me too.

Rock Fights Back was a success last night. There is 50 or so photos from the show posted, and we will have more from professional photogs and a few video clips of band performances whenever my computer doesn't take 18 hours to load them.

With so many people out of town, it was tough to get a big turnout, but we filled the room with some of the loudest, craziest and enthusastic sons of bitches we could find.

The bands, wow. We are now 6 for 6 on getting legitimently amazing bands to help support our cause. Sean Austin and crew put on an amazing acoustic performance that really was a great way  to open the show. Talking with him afterward, he simply has "it". He is going on a tour of Hard Rock Cafe's and I wish him all the best...

Running Still, newly signed to East/West records, were complete pros. I didn't know what to expect, I really didn't know much about them. I was expecting some emo/punk band, and we were treated to a musically tight, alt-rock performance that was easy to sing-a-long to and just as easy to sit back and enjoy. Those guys are going places.

The headliners, The Bloodsugars, led by insulin addict Jason, were simply jaw-dropping. Two words to describe: High-Energy. Waving the cover for the final performance, the room packed with people dancing, singing and going crazy. It's safe to say we will be seeing more of them, if they'll let us at DR have them at future events.

On the heels of this great night comes word that we could have a Chicago show coming in early August. It's really not a matter of if, but just finalizing the date and the lineup.

I thank you for those who came out. I am humbled by the support. And, no, there was no speech this time. Just good old fashioned rock and roll. Besides, I was a wincy bit tipsy.

Anyway, Happy Independence Day...

And Thanks for the Support for Fight It and Diabetic Rockstar. Check out the bands (in my top friends) if you get a chance.

ct

7:02 PM - 4 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

I’d Rather Have Diabetes Than Herpes
Category: Blogging

I am too tired to blog, but I have some random thoughts I'd like to share...

I am pretty sure I'd go gay for Zach Braff, but not Donald Faison. Does that make me a racist?

Is it ironic that Empire Records, the best movie ever made, is the only good movie Renee Zelleweger has been in?

And did you know that the main guy from Empire, the starving artist destined to hit some young Tyler ass, has genital herpes in real life?

I'd rather have diabetes than herpes.

Chew on that.

Spend your lazy, endless crazy,
days inside my head...
You're so selfish, you're not the only,
one who thinks he's dead...
I'm paid to smile, now i'm on trial,
for what you think I said...
But I never said,
that everything would be okay...
And I never said,
that we would live to see another day...

Introspective am I, today, this glorious evening, as to why my motivation level mirrors that of an overweight kid at Whole Foods Market. I am at a loss for words for the issue at hand, although that should probably be plural, because lord knows that I am definitely guilty of at least a half dozen personal infractions. I mean, for real, although I am two sentences past...I am still stuck on the whole fat kid analogy. I can't get the image of the kid from Old School trying to decide between organic peanut butter or soy bean spread.

If that's not an issue, hell, you got me. I've read my little lyrical lesson to myself over and over again, from two blogs ago, but all that does is make me want to listen to Papa Roach repeatedly.

Damn. If I could crawl in my head I am pretty sure I would see a ton of for sale by owner signs.

Motivate me,
I wanna get myself out of this bed.
Captivate me,
I want good thoughts inside of my head.
If I fall down,
would you come around,
and pick me right up off the ground?

ooh oh oh oh ooh ooh, ooooh oh oh ooh....Listen up everybody you gotta take a chance...Just get on the floor and do the New Kids Dance....We're Rough...Rough.....Hangin Tough.....

I think I should have been in a boy band. Every one has the guy with a lot of tattoos with no musical talent that ends up in rehab. That could have been me, I think. Except I wouldn't go to rehab. Fucking quitters. If you are going to spend so much time and money on an addiction, you better see it to the end. You don't see me going to IAA, do you? (Insulin Addicts Anonymous, duh)

I pick up the damn needle three, maybe four times a day.

I'm a rebel too. I'll re-use the same needle. I'll get my fix in public, in a park, in an alley. I'll do it in front of my parents. You see, I am committed. No Bye Bye Bye from me, no sir, I Would Want It One Way, I Swear.

Someone get Lance Bass on the phone, I'm ready for my closeup.

I'm realistic, and narcissistic,
you say I'm selfish and absurd.
You try to change me, try to save me,
you say I'm gonna learn.
I'm so blind, I'm out of time,
you're so unkind sometimes.
I never lied, I never lied, I never lied...
Cause I never said,
that everything would be okay,
and I never said that we would live to see another day,

How come you never hear about little kids in Africa being diabetic? They have it so easy, I swear.

If Osama is in Afghanistan, can't we just drop an atomic bomb on them? We did it after Pearl Harbor, and that didn't have nearly the social, economic or cultural impact that September 11 did. After the way we sold the rights to the VCR back to Japan and built them a better country, you would think Afghans everywhere would be chanting "Drop It Like It's Hott".

You can't make mountains out of mole hills, true,  but you can make Mobil and Marathon stations out of mountains. We could just steal the oil from the Iraqi's and rebuild Afghanistan at a cheap discount, I mean, what do the Iraqi's need oil for? Half of them can't drive anyway. And the other half keeps crashing their cars into buildings.

Oh, Afghans. They created blankets made of wool in opressing heat yet they can't find a guy with a beard longer than Ron Jeremy's business tool?

I am looking at my pic. I have a butt chin. Go ahead, laugh. While your at it, kick me in the shin and steal my wallet. Asshole.

Screw these government rebate checks. If you really want to get our economy jump started, follow my fool proof plan:

1) Make Puerto Rico a state. It probably has more use than Alaska, anyway. You know how much money would be spent reissuing millions of US flags? 

We could sell the out of date ones overseas for two bucks a pop, they'll gladly use them for kindling or just to burn for fun. We then re-invest that money in social security so my broke self can afford some Liberty Mutual like Wilfred Brimley's ass.

2) Lower the drinking age to eighteen. Every eighteen year-old I know drinks. But they drink the cheap shit, because playing Hey Mister is a bitch. I mean, let me get this right...

You can vote, die for our right to vote, own a gun to protect your rights...You can drive to the liquor store, purchase cigars and cigarettes to smoke while drinking liquor....But you can't drink a fucking Natural Light Ice without facing a judge? Seriously?

Think of all the extra money our states will make off drunk driving charges, too.

3) Make prostitution legal. That way half of my sales tax dollars won't have to go to welfare and food stamps, and Momma Hood Rat can buy her own damn diapers.

Yeah...
Cause everything,
it'll be okay.
You know we're gonna live,
to see another day...
yeah... yeah, yeah, yeah...
Motivate me...
(I wanna get myself out of this)
yeah...
Motivate me...
(I wanna get myself out of this)

I should be President. Our national anthem would change. Stars and Stripes, it's a frickin story, not a song. I would make Born in The USA our anthem, barely beating out r-o-c-k in the USA.

The immigrants might not like them, but none of them speak English anyway.

Which reminds me, I would also change our official language to American. 50% of our verbage is slang anyway. Italy has Italian, Germany German, England English, etc etc. We should speak American.

No offense to Mexico and Canada, but this has nothing to do with you. You are only in North America because we are locking down this half of the world. You don't count, anyway, because I have no idea how to speak Mexican or Canadian. Que? Eh?

Ever stand in a drug store and read the directions for a condom out loud?

6:19 PM - 9 Comments - 13 Kudos - Add Comment

My Man Card Is Being Revoked For Indecent Exposure

I've decided something pretty important about myself. It may have taken what is now 28 years, but it's something I feel I should share with the masses. My homies, my peeps, my dawgs.

I sincerely, severely, desperately....

Need to start wearing a leash when I drink.

Take me out for fresh air a few times, keep a beverage in my bowl, let me hump your leg. I need a leash. This is what I have been reduced to: My social scene now paralells the life of an average housebroken puppy.

I go out for my birthday. Naturally, because I refuse to give in, I am the last one standing. Except if you ask anyone where I went at 3:00 am, and ask anyone where I was until a cab dropped me off at 5:30, no one could tell you. Because I just decioded to go for a trek, apparently.

I know when he's been on your mind
That distant look is in your eye
I thought with time you'd realize
It's over over
It's not the way I choose to live
And something somewhere's got to give
As sharing this relationship gets older older
You know I'd fight for you
But how I can fight someone who isn't even there
I've had the rest of you now I want the best of you
I dont care if that's not fair

My birthday was fun, you know, if you take out the whole getting old but still look like I am begging for a date to prom thing. Nothing against the high school girls in the world, but I don't think I am mature enough to handle the social pressures that accompany a slow dance, spiked punch and a walk to the door with the parents watching. That latter feels too much like voyeurism, and although I am sure many of my exes currently have tapes of themselves on the internet, I, for one, don't need a 30 second montage of my greatest weaknesses and exploits hitting the web.

For the record, the last blog entry was written by me.

I am not going to lie, I am in a rut again. Mentally exhausted. I am just tired. I thought maybe it was the birthday, but I don't think that is it, really. I just feel beaten down.

I don't think I would be half as interesting if I wasn't tortured by my own mind every other day.

Surely I am not the only person that has felt like this.

But I am probably one of the few that posts it in Myspace blogs.

Cause I want it all
Or nothing at all
There's no where left to fall
When you reach the bottom it's now or never
Is it all
Or are we just friends
Is this how it ends
With a simple telephone call
You leave me here with nothing at all

If you live in a houseboat in Iowa, and the levee breaks, are you actually a victim of flooding? Seems to me it's more like leisurely stroll through town.

I am going to weigh in on something, a news thing that one would think I have no opinion on, which I really don't except that mirrors something I have been saying.

Ricki Lake made a documentary about having a natural birth, at home, and not in a hospital. She said women should explore it as an option. It seems innocent enough, to me, a person that fortunately doesn't have an (or a?) uterus that I am aware of.

I mean, if the facts are straight, and the health concerns are addressed, what's the big deal, you know? I mean when Jesus was born they didn't induce labor of with any drugs, give any painkillers, etc etc. Mary shot him out and then he grew up relatively normal, except the whole water to wine thing, which is something Criss Angel can't even do.

So why do I bring this up? Well the American Medical Association, and another high profile organization that represents doctors, nurses, hospitals, insurance companies and other "big medical business" are knocking her left and right. Addressing her as dangerous. The mirror? This is the same type of brainwashing that organizations do in the world of diabetee land.

Who says we have to always blindly buy what people are selling?

Who says that we have to live with choices that corporate America has given us?

There are times it seems to me
I'm sharing you with memories
I feel it in my heart
But I dont show it show it
And then there's times you look at me
As though I'm all that you can see
Those times I don't believe it's right
I know know it

I applaud Lake. I applaud others like her. Not for their specific choices, but for their willingness to explore options that aren't spoonfed to us by organizations and medical boards that, frankly, stand to make billions of dollars off us as long as we follow their handbooks, twelve step programs and WebMD booklets.

When doctors diagnose a diabetic, and their treatment includes "Go to WebMD for more information", well, there is something amazingly disturbing about that. I want a doctor not receiving commission for web hits. I want a diabetic organziation that is not associated with insurance companies and major pharmaceutical companies--I want the organization that fights these things on my behalf.

And if no one out there will do it, I will with Fight It. And Ricki Lake will with filmmaking.

I said it before, I will say it again: If no one ever questioned authority, or forced change, there would never be a revolution. And without revolution, well, where would we be? Being enslaved by the British, or still enslaving our own?

Just saying.

Don't me make me promises
Baby you never did know how to keep them well
I've had the rest of you
Now I want the best of you
It's time for show and tell

I am making a calendar of my travel plans for July and August, and I realize: I may not actually sleep in my own bed more than three nights from July 4th to August 8th. Very interesting. Very frightening.

It's eleven o'clock at night. I've been in bed all day, contemplating life and listening to songs like Lips of An Angel and All or Nothing. I don't know what my issue is, but I think that I have gone soft, and not like Japanese porn soft, but like my man-card is being flagged for indecent exposure soft.

I think life is a journey based on making decisions of not making decisions. We are always picking things and opting to do things that will help us not have to make major decisions. I've decided that people as a whole are scared, and that we hold on to things, no matter how painful or wrong, in order to avoid anything worse.

I see women unhappy in relationships, but stay because it's all they know.

I see people in jobs they hate, but are scared they can't find anything better.

I see myself sabotaging my own motivation because complancency never hurt me.

Sometimes having the feeling of a void in ourselves is more reassuring than trying to fill it with dreams that may die.

How else do you explain Nickleback's Photograph or Far Away?

I just realized a blog that was happy and funny went serious and suicidal. It could be that I have the "Sad" playlist going on in I-Tunes or that I woke up alone, am going to asleep alone, and will wake up again alone. But, see, that's a trap: If I didn't want to be alone, well, I wouldn't be.

Sweet irony.

7:34 PM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

A War Against My Own Regret

I'm staring at the sunrise and I know it's just another day

But I really can't help but think this could be the last,

It's sad, I suppose, "Don't waste it again" is what I say

But life is moving by  so quick, so crazy, so fast

Who knew a year ago this is where I would be

I guess that's why we live for the future, to see

What we are capable of, but no, I think it's more…

It's what we can persevere through

It's how we shouldn't wait for our cue

Have you ever just wondered "Where do I go from here?"

Going through the motions, waiting for a break,

Living cliché's like "It's yours to take…"

But what if nothing is offered, no silver platter

Are we just to sit here and say, "Now, that's the matter"

I don't know what I am trying to say

Just fucked up again, but it's okay,

I've learned to deal with the demons that torture me

Because I know my fallen friends would trade places with me

Greg, know that I think of you

And Jack, know that the cancer I hate is just as much

The cancer that rages inside my own mind

Because I despise the years I waste

And then I write things like this in haste

But the truth is sincere and there

I really don't have much to fear

Every moment I take for granted

And every word I wish I recanted

Is just a giant dishonor to the graves of those that past

And I yearn for the day when I can make them proud at last

If failure isn't an option why do we go to sleep?

I don't want to dream, I want to achieve,

And yeah, I get it, I believe…

That cardboard plaque mocks me

Yes, a first step for a thousand mile journey is easy…

But there's no road map for my trip,

So I start and start again, fall back and slip,

Moving rapidly and in place, Moving forward and yet a disgrace

Accomplishments mean nothing when you can't save face

It's day one of a new battle, breathe in and breathe out,

Is that what this is really about?

There is a piece of me that sits empty

I really don't know how to fill it

I hope and dream, for fate and destiny

And all those Hollywood happy endings

The next morning I am left with where I began

So I just hope all over again

But what happens when the candle of hope goes dim

And the embers of my heart's fire

Are smoldered by the ashes of my failed desire

I guess I'll just sit here and pray, cleanse myself of my sin

To a God who I've never met, and I really don't believe in

I don't need a priest to tell me I need something higher

I spent nights with a script and a bottle for that very reason

I don't need a Bible to teach me I need to live the right way

After all, it's a heat wave, a new day, the start of another season

I guess I'm All Mixed Up, saying

"Fuck the naysayers, they don't mean a thing",

And yeah the Rockstar mantra is the style I bring

So I'll waste another morning, penning these words I write

Out of frustration and anger, yeah just a little bit of spite

I don't want to be a forgotten soldier

In my war against my own regret…

5:19 AM - 9 Comments - 17 Kudos - Add Comment

For My BIRTHDAY, I Want Monkey Cleavage?
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities