my L O S T predictions

1) after getting hopelessly lost at sea walt is murdered in his sleep and then eaten by his father

2) kate gets beaned by a falling coconut and when she awakes she thinks she is oprah winfrey

3) jin opens a sushi stand on the island

4) adolph hitler shows up and falls in love with claire

5) hurley and sawyer swear off women and quickly become lovers and soon after reignite their passion for ping pong

6) vincent is trapped by the black smoke and immediately develops rabies and in a comic twist rarely seen in the series he chews off arron's arms and legs then angelina jolie adopts him (aaron) in the following episode

7) michael jackson appears on a big yacht with 12 young finnish boys

8) ben begins wearing a pair of foster grants and is considerably less creepy and a tad more cool

3:41 PM - 5 Comments - 7 Kudos - Add Comment

the continuing adventures of city boy

so i was walking down to the beach just like i do almost every day...
i walked my regular path through the forest and as i crossed the little gully before reaching the beach
i noticed something all around the edges on the top of the water that was still left over from last night's high tide...i looked at it with mild bewilderment...i was puzzled and somewhat confused...i thought to myself, why would someone put cellophane on the water ?? seriously, that's what it looked like...well, i am definitely not always the sharpest crayon in the box and often several burritos short of a fiesta, but in this instance in my defense i plead justifiable ignorance because i am after all just a city boy in a strange new land ...
it took a few moments or so before my questionable deductive powers fired-up and kicked in and the fog finally began to clear in that soggy gray matter i call a brain...
hmmm, really cold weather and water, hey !! that's not cellophane, that's ice !! i'm only sorta stupid !!
being prone to occasional lapses of common sense i must continually remind myself that learning is a journey and generally speaking i tend to walk pretty slow...

okay, whilst on the subject of cold and ice i will relay that i am currently engulfed in a one-man heating boycott...that's right, heating boycott...heat in this pig of a house is generated by oil...the moron that designed this house had no concern for heating economy while creating it...this house is big with lots of tall windows, entire walls of glass and 30 foot ceilings in several rooms...it is also has an open sort of floor plan that was a concept apparently popular when the house was built in 1970...i don't like it and one of the reasons is it is very difficult and very expensive to heat...i am extremely conservative about spending money on sensible things like temperature control and comfort...ask my daughters, we never used heat in our homes when they were growing up...if it was cold i said, "put on a sweater"...in the winter when it was cold you could often see your breath in the house, but i had a positive spin and preached that the cold weather will age you slower and preserve you better because the opposite, the sun and heat appeared to dry out the skin depleting natural skin oils etc (do i sound everso scientific ??) just look at those volleyball-playing lizard-like perpetually tanned people that have spent a lifetime on the beach and you'll see exactly what i mean...
anyway when i moved to olympia i knew i was in for heating bills that i had never experienced before...i was just gonna have to bite the bullet...i was prepared, well i thought i was prepared...i was thinking i might experience bills in the range of $200.00 per month during the peak winter months...boy, did i get a wrong number !! the guy who fills up the oil tank comes about once a month to top off the tank...last time he was here was january 17th the previous time was december 17th...when he came last week i needed 250 gallons at $3.29 a gallon including tax which places it about neck and neck price-wise with gas for the car...so, that was a bit over $800.00...so, in one month i used $800.00 worth of oil and i didn't even tell you yet that is to keep my house at a cool 55-58 degrees...i screamed at the oil delivery guy insisting that was impossible and stopped just short of insisting he was ripping me off, but i don't really think he is i think it's because the house is poorly designed for heating and that it's all or nothing...i'm heating rooms i don't even use to be able to heat the ones i need...even if i turn the thermostats down in the unused rooms heat still travels up the pipes because there are not separate shutoff valves for each individual pipe coming from the boiler...long boring story i know, but anyway i shut off the boiler completely...i refuse to pay $200.00 a week to be barely comfortable...so the last couple weeks my house according to the thermometer in my bedroom stays in the 30's...i'm slowly adapting...i wear lots of extra clothes during the day and gloves, sweaters and ski caps to bed and use lots of additional blankets...i'm looking into changing over to propane for heating which is apparently way more efficient, but it's an expensive undertaking so i might wait a while...for the record, i do have two fireplaces, but right now i kinda live in my bedroom with a desk before i finish my office upstairs and more importantly it's the only room that has a functioning tv right now and tv is sometimes my only friend besides my cats so it stays on all day till i go to sleep so the fireplaces aren't very useful or practical just yet...
part deux
i do have friends they're just not real...i talk to nonexistent people because after seeing, the movie, "a beautiful mind" i decided i wanted to be schizophrenic cuz i want to expose enemy threats against the u.s. by making a cool collage out of bits of magazines and yarn...i see my friends and talk to them on the beach...my favourite nonexistent people are salamander slim, mondo the waterhead and lady gargantua, but believe me there are many more...my beachcomber name is bocifererous or b.c. for short, but never ever do i allow anyone to call me bo i'd sooner be force-fed rancid pork sausage with a jackhammer through my nose than answer to bo...
when we see each other on the beach we nod and give the super secret hand salute...we stop long enough to discuss any impending storms, the serious nature and potential consequences of Brittany's court battles and we critique at great length the suspenders that larry king has been wearing on his program since the last time we met...we also go into clinical detail about the brain tumor we suspect hillary clinton has and eventually and most importantly we wax poetic about recent finds and discoveries in the world of beachcombing...since i personally know nothing about minerals or geology i've given different types of rocks i find very unscientific names...if the names sound kinda stupid it's because they are...some i've named tators, honey drops, caramels, sponge rocks, kryptonite both red and green and the much sought after and highly prized, jellybeans and of course jumbo jellybeans...there are others with more ridiculous names, but i'll spare you...also important to us beachcombers is seaglass and it is often at the heart of our discussions...personally the seaglass fragments are my favourites of all my finds...they really are treasures to me and i've dubbed them pauper's jewels...i have a giant glass bowl on the kitchen counter overflowing and i've recently begun separating it all into categories and have special piles all over the place...i also occasionally find what i imagine to be petrified sharks teeth and bits of ancient bones, but they're probably just rocks (like the ones in my head)...

2:03 PM - 12 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

sweeney dudd (it’s bloody awful !!)

my inner stink-o-meter warned against it...
i shoulda stayed away, but sometimes you just have to see if your suspicions have any real basis and sometimes curiosity wins out over good judgement and going to see "sweeney todd" yesterday was one of those cases...this was yet another tim burton vehicle built-up/souped-up from the ground up for johnny depp...i'm afraid that burton has become a little bit too safe and predictable...
hmmm, who can we get to play the quirky, severely demented and hell-bent-on-revenge male lead role ?? hmmm, that johnny depp guy might work...
anyway, i think it's about time that burton gives someone else an opportunity to play one of those characters...maybe dave vanian (the damned) would've been a better choice for this role since he can surely sing better and they in fact used him as a visual prototype...they shamelessly copped his "phantasmagoria" era look...now, i guess it's possible that the look was conceived for the sweeney todd role on broadway and vanian actually borrowed it from them so if that happens to be the case kindly excuse my oversight and ineptitude...anyway, like nearly everyone else i think johnny depp is pretty great and he certainly has made more good movies than bombs, but "sweeney todd" definitely and eternally belongs firmly in the later category...
musicals don't automatically repulse me and i'll readily admit to liking a few, but the songs in this were really BAD !! i don't know if it's because johnny and helena aren't such great singers or if the original songs really are that uninspired and bland...sweeney serenading his rediscovered straight razors has to be one of the dumbest scenes in cinema history !! i'm having a hard time imagining that sweeney todd was such a success as a stage play with songs that didn't quite click...i've noticed that rolling stone and several other publications raved aout this movie, but it just confirms once again that rolling stone has become a beacon of bad taste (not good bad taste just bad bad taste) it also received a bunch of golden globe nominations including best picture of the year (gag !!) i think (i could check, but i can't be bothered) there was also one for best musical as well but that category doesn't exist with the oscars so that'll hopefully end there...there were a lot of great movies this year...a few of them are "no country for old men", "eastern promises", "darjeeling limited", "michael clayton", the assassination of jesse james", and of course "juno" which is exceedingly entertaining and brilliant in all it's indie glory...i'm still waiting to see "there will be blood" and "i'm not there" which haven't made it to my sleepy little town yet...
ok, so did i like anything about "sweeney todd" ?? well, sacha baron cohen was pretty cool as a dandy rival barber that looked like a tranny toreador, but he was the first to die so there definitely wasn't enough of him...i did enjoy the blood-spurting bodies going down the chute under the barber chair and the sound of the heads splatting on the concrete down below, but after about 10 times even that lost it's sweet innocent charm...the ending was just plain stoopid !! sweeney kills the judge, then kills his long, lost syphilitic wife who he thought was dead and since the pie lady lied to him about that he kills her too then in an act of loyalty the little boy that pie lady took in and fed her rancid pies turns the razor on it's disgruntled master...well, 'spose that's at least poetic justice...
i say applaud people for good and inspired work as often as possible and certainly both depp and burton have done plenty, but giving todd a nod is nothing short of gratuitous ass-licking if you ask me...i'm sure a lot of loyalists will condemn me for such blasphemy, but i'm relatively confident in saying that "sweeney todd" is burton's worst film ever, but then again i never saw his flea-bitten remake of "planet of the apes"...

12:07 AM - 12 Comments - 13 Kudos - Add Comment

does a walk in the morning constitute a morning constitutional ??

while i was still living in long beach i used to think that it would be great to have a nice place to walk...ever since i moved to olympia i've tried to take full advantage of the forest and waterfront that surround me...from my house it is a 10 minute walk through the forest to get to the beach...walking has become very therapeutic for me and dare i say it that it also has become a time for reflection and on rare occasions even the much-dreaded, in-tro-spec-tion...
the beach is pretty desolate and i rarely see another person on my walks...it's actually a private beach (180 ft of it belongs to me) (mine all mine), but that doesn't deter everyone and i welcome most trespassers anyway...i originally envisioned having a goat named armando that would walk with me, but i've not gotten him yet nor have i slipped into the big rubber boots/overalls mode which i predicted i'd adopt, but i suspect that day will indeed arrive and it's eventuality is only a matter of time...
sometimes i walk down to the derelict lighthouse by the harbour and sometimes i go the other way to the ramshackle abandoned house that is a remnant of what must have been an amazing place once upon a time...if i was a kid living here that would definately be a contender for the coolest clubhouse imaginable...that house is pretty much the end of the line in that direction anyway cuz after that there are lots of fallen trees that are difficult to pass during anything but low low tide...
as i stroll along the water i impulsively gather seashells, rocks and driftwood and bring bags of them home after my little sojurns...collecting these things gives me purpose and i suspect it's only a matter of time before i start making embarrassing assemblages out of all my finds...the other day i dragged a 25 pound log home because i thought it would make a devastatingly cool pedestal and now that i have it here i am certain that it will...
i'm constantly amazed at the variety of rocks that i find and there is of course the added mystery of wondering where they originated from...i'm debating getting a rock tumbler and am anxious to find if there are any gems precious or otherwise awaiting my discovery in the mounds i've accumulated currently piling up out back...
well, this little entry doesn't really have an ending so i'll leave you with something my mother used to say to me upon catching me in a web of lies which happened several times daily (i was a textbook compulsive liar) she'd say, "johnny, you'd lie to god himself" and of course she was right...i still try to lie in my daily life as much as possible, but it is interesting that when you are older lying is no longer called lying, it is conveniently known as embellishment...

9:42 PM - 8 Comments - 12 Kudos - Add Comment

V O U C H E R ??

i had an interesting encounter at the grocery store today...
i had finished my shopping and arrived at the counter and was patiently waiting till the time arose to put the divider between my purchases and the customer's in front of me...as i put my groceries down i noticed the cashier look at my stuff and give me a peculiar look...i didn't think much of it...when she finished with the previous person and my purchases began rolling down the belt she looked at me and quite snottily asked "will this be on a voucher ??" puzzled i said, "what's a voucher ??", thinking she meant a coupon for the turkey i was buying...being a bit thick at times it took me a moment to realize that a voucher must have been like food stamps for people on state aid or similar situations and that she intended it as an insult or put down...guess she didn't much like the thought of me buying food with her precious tax dollars...
i started trying to figure out how she arrived at the assumption that i was on some form of aid...i was wearing an old sweater i had bought at the thrift store years ago that has certainly seen it's better days, but i still like it, i hadn't shaved for a few days or so, but i wasn't dirty and don't think i smelled (too much)...
i kept thinking about her comment and by the time my stuff was nearly completed being rung up i finally said as i intentionally fumbled through a wad of cash and credit cards, "actually lady i own 3 houses and have 2 successful businesses, but thanks for being so condescending towards people who don't have as much and do need to receive and use vouchers...i'm sure they must appreciate your attitude and concern"
i topped it off with a very polite and heartfelt, "MERRY CHRISTMAS BITCH !!"

9:37 PM - 8 Comments - 11 Kudos - Add Comment

R.I.P. drella (drella bella)

we discovered the mystery of drella's disappearance today, well not completely, but enough to sadly give up hoping she still might return...we had signs up in long beach and today jeanne was contacted by someone who saw our signs and connected them with a sign someone posted of a found cat...it was right around the corner from our house, but we never saw it...long story short : a very sweet girl found drella disoriented laying in the middle of long beach blvd late at night on september 15th which was the day drella disappeared...the girl lived in orange county and took drella home with her...she came back a couple days later put up the sign and continued taking care of her and took her to the vet as well...she said the doctor thought drella had neurological damage, but wasn't injured...the girl continued to try to feed her and said drella just wanted to sit on her lap and was very affectionate...she took care of her for 5 days and on the 6th day drella didn't wake up...it broke my heart to hear this news, but there is comfort knowing that drella was cared for and loved by a kind stranger in the end...
i found drella as a feral kitten about 10 years ago on cinco de mayo...she was a mess and i took her straight to the vet...i named her after the album, "songs for drella" by lou reed and john cale...drella was their pet name for andy warhol and the album celebrated his life...
drella was always needy and a little demanding...if she was sitting next to me she would become angry if any of the other cats approached...for years i shared my breakfast with her as well as squash, salad, watermelon, hot cocoa, pea soup, ice cream or anything i ate...she didn't care what it was she just wanted to share...she was a bit of a loner among as many as 9 cats which we had at one time, but she'd befriend each of the cats for short time periods and then retreat to her solitude...
i've missed drella since the day she disappeared and i will continue to miss her for a long long time...i don't know how she got out of the house or what exactly happened to her before that girl found her in the street...i need to stop thinking about how and why...i just need to remember that she was a beautiful calico who could sometimes be irritating, but much more often she brought me a great deal of joy and on many days she was my favourite cat...

1:38 AM - 19 Comments - 18 Kudos - Add Comment

permanent resident alien in the specific northwest

well it's official !! i am now living in olympia, washington...
i bought the new place last january and have just now finished moving in, not settled in mind you that'll probably take at least another year...it took me 9 1/2 months to pack/load/move/unload and get the hell outta dodge and it seems i got out just in time as southern california is currently being engulfed by wildfires and my newly painted modest spanish castle there is probably covered with ash and soot...
i loaded up the last of my stuff and my 5 cats as number 6, drella has been m.i.a. since september 15th, but that's a sad story i don't care to relay...i left long beach last thursday (october 18) at 10:15 pm with my friend laura who graciously volunteered to help with the drive and the cats...as we headed out the cats squealed out their disapproval loudly and in unison and we were on our merry way...
i squeezed 4 cat carriers across the width of the back seat...digit, dickens and bronte' were riding solo and trilby and hiro were sharing although trilby if i may say was being a bit of a spacehog...
after we had been on the road for a couple of hours i noticed a cat in the rearview mirror walking around, not walking around in the rearview mirror walking around in the back of the car...anyway, someone had made an escape...it was timid, scaredy cat bronte' the last one i'd expect to break out...she finally made her way to the front seat and ended up sitting with laura for a couple hours getting up occasionally to stroll around a bit touting her freedom to her unhappy caged siblings...we eventually decided to put bronte' back in her holding cell and let one of the others out and continued switching them every hour or so until each one of them had gotten a considerable break from confinement...after the last one was returned to their cage they quieted down and slept for the rest of the journey with only a few outbursts...
the adventure was 1062 miles door to door and we completed it in exactly 18 hours...
i drove 9 hours straight then laura drove the remaining 9 hours...we stopped for drive-through partially hydrogenated semi-goodness only twice and gassed up 5 times for a total fuel cost of $206.00...in my very un-p c monster suburban attack vehicle that seemed a pretty good deal...
so here i am a week later, the cats are acclimated (big word johnny) i am acclimated and i'm enjoying walks through the forest, walks on the beach and taking lotsa time to accomplish every little task in my wonderous thoroughly ultra-modern swinging golden medalion home...no hurry for nothing...it's a wonderful life !!

4:52 PM - 12 Comments - 16 Kudos - Add Comment

white lies white heat

did you hear the one about the trendy pop duo who recieved such a poor response
on the sale of tickets for their mega stadium shows that they had to cancel all 18 dates
and cited anxiety as the reason ?? i thought i'd never stop laughing !!
be still my heart . . .

8:03 PM - 7 Comments - 12 Kudos - Add Comment

can you say "holy f@ckin' shit !!" ??

just so you don't think i'm a complete lightweight moviegoer after my review of "stardust" a while back here are a few thoughts on "shoot 'em up" which i saw today...first it definitely ranks high on the number of kills in a film by an individual...other contenders that come to mind are "the professional" and "kill bill"...clive owen is an angry man and pretty much hates everything, but raw carrots...circumstance leads him into protecting first a pregnant woman and then her baby which he effortlessly delivers while engaged in a ferocious gun battle, he in fact severs the umbilical cord with a gunshot so you are aware quickly that there is a bit of tounge-in-cheekiness at play...that scene takes place in the first ten minutes or so and the pace it establishes continues for the next hour and a half and never falters...soon after he partners up with a somewhat reluctant lactating prostitute and together they proceed to continually narrowly escape death by bad guy, paul giamantti and his endless army of goons with a high-tech arsenal hell-bent on killing the baby...director, michael davis updates and trumps herschsell gordon lewis and makes sam peckinpah look like a rank amateur..."shoot 'em up" is a high-spirited non-stop action film that is completely preposterous but wildly entertaining and never never ever dull...

9:58 PM - 3 Comments - 3 Kudos - Add Comment

mundane mundane

monday becoming tuesday
another day shot to shit
another day just like yesterday
i'm happily done with it

hoping today might offer more
excitement or a big surprise
certainly more than the day before
or why bother to even rise ??

1:13 AM - 3 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment