pseudo celeb sighting

Why is it that I cannot leave my house without bumping into some wannabe who is currently having his/her five minutes of fame on a reality show, in a crappy boy band or similar (see previous blog entries on this topic)? The other day, I was faxing a document from Kinko's at Astor Place, of all unglamourous spots, when I heard a shrill, whiny voice penetrating the air... as I looked up, I was standing face to face with a chubby 2000's reincarnation of Betty Boop, sporting her signature ponytail, floral hair piece and fire engine red lipstick. I refuse to type her name on my blog, but it was the Project Runway contestant that everyone loves to hate, flanked by "I have very high level and glamourous taste" Daniel what's-his-name!

For a split second, I actually thought she worked there. Wouldn't that have been funny? Even though it's pretty clear she rather seems to be the new main designer at one of my former favorite boutiques, Enz's.  As I made my exit, I had to bite my lip really hard not to yell: "That was not hiphop, bitch!!!!" at the little piece of work. It totally wasn't!

12:21 AM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Apparently, I am an "awesome blog subscriber"

Sometimes, I get unsolicited MySpace emails with invitations to subscribe to some stranger's blog. Stranger as in "I have no freaking idea who this person is and I do not care much to find out!". Usually, this happens shortly after I have made the occasional comment on one of the it-bloggers' (think Melissa or Stephanie) entries -- go figure. Please people... I cannot think of any reason why a person, who employs such unimaginative techniques trying to boost his/her number of blog views/subscribers, would have anything interesting to offer me as a reader. If you are a good writer, people will seek you out. And if you're a tacky self-promoter (description above, I believe), please fuck off from my email. Sadly, you will probably never read this, because you did not really take the time to check out my page and my blog, right? You just clicked the email button and sent me a link to yer effing blog!!!

But what to do when people respond to your email solicitation by ignoring and moving on?! Apparently, your Plan B is to add them as friends and put them in a "MySpace Category" (whatever the hell that is) called "Awesome Blog Subscribers" -- regardless of whether they are subscribers or not, then send some email blast message notifying the lucky ones that they have received the privilege of belonging to this very awesome category, adding the hint: "if you aren't a subscriber yet, you should really become one!". Well, here's a hint back: I can tell your blog sucks without even reading it. Also, I guess I just went from "awesome blog subscriber"  to "awesome friend deleter".

I've had similar "problems" in the past, when I was receiving extensive volumes of MySpace emails from men who supposedly considered me a hot looking chick and wanted to "get to know me better" (ugh). Well, that was easily fixed by making my pics private and choosing a main photo where I am covered up in a big white fur coat. But how to get rid of all these self-appointed Hemingways? Would it be possible to fake illiteracy? Any advice is appreciated.

1:55 PM - 7 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

c-R-aptcha!
Current mood: pissed off

I am so over this captcha schmatcha shit. Am I retarded or is it really impossible to decode these hieroglyphics in at least 50 % of the cases? So apparently you have to fill out a captcha if you want to email certain people on MySpace these days.... no big deal because I couldn't care less about emailing some internet ho or Joe Schmoe! But how about, for instance, trying to upload a press release to the fooking exchange on Liberty Plaza while your hysterical boss bitch is bellowing in your ear and you keep failing since you can't figure out the, um, captcha? I guess I just got a little closer to getting my ass fired, on account of poor captcha skills. Yeah, right. Fuck-cha right back, whoever invented this crap!

12:33 AM - 9 Comments - 7 Kudos - Add Comment

at least he didn’t use a spray bottle

I just witnessed something that was so disgusting I actually thought I was hallucinating. I was having lunch at Green Bean on 44th St., thinking to myself what a hazard it really is to get your grub from a pick-and-choose food bar like that --  I mean, remember that guy who went berzerk with a bottle of piss spray in an NYC food bar a couple of years ago? Say no more. It's also kind of gross watching all those old ladies who are shamelessly sampling the foods before deciding which ones to pick for their little lunch boxes (which I'm sure they wash and recycle until the plastic dissolves and mixes with the food... yikes).

However, I was starving today, and when I am, nothing comes between me and my seafood. Not even germ (or piss spray) phobia! So I got my shrimp, sat down by the window, started munching and looked out in the street.... right at some jackass who was standing in front of the building where I work, pulled down his fly, put his c*** in an empty Snapple bottle and started peeing. Yes, peeing! Really gross... but whatever, it's New York. I kind of didn't pay too much attention to the loser he obviously was. However, it definitely woke me up watching him take his pee bottle and cross the street towards the Green Bean entrance.... I prefer not to speculate on what he did once he got inside (I was seated on the 2nd floor) but I guess it was a good thing I had already bought my lunch?!

Guess who will cook at home and bring her lunch to work from now on?

11:25 AM - 8 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

not the time for sobriety

Last Wednesday I paid my first visit to Terminal 5 (11th & 56th... ugh! And you know that means between 11th & 12th, not between 10th & 11th!) and saw the Ladytron show... needless to say, after suffering through a terrible supporting act, as well as getting stepped on and spilled on by numerous idiots who were not there for the music so much as for the cheap beer and the possibility to bed a fellow miserable, black-clad underage wannabe. In other words, business as usual.

Datarock, right before they got naked... and right before my cell phone camera whacked out.

But to the point: why is it that supporting acts always suck d*ck? Are they getting chosen on account of being sucky, so as to make the headlining bands stand out even more in all their glory once they enter the stage? I can only remember three shows where I actually enjoyed the opening band just as much as the main act (Cranes opening for The Cure, The National opening for Arcade Fire, and Robbers on High Street opening for VHS or Beta). On the contrary however, I do recall thousands of occasions where I had to suffer through such crap I barely found it worthwhile to sit tight and wait for the headliners... what the f*ck is up with that?! Stop wasting people's time and try to book bands that are endurable even when you're not completely zoned out on some shit!

Speaking of which, I was not even able to tune out from Datarock the legal way, since any possible endulging in alcohol on my part was efficiently stamped out at the door (see below).  Sucks being "underage"! But you know what they say/sing.... "they only want you when you're 17... when you're 21, you're no fun". I'll drink to that...cheers!

And last but not least, while we're at the topic of music, please let me plug a great band with a great album cover (*cough, cough*). Check them out at www.myspace.com/nikkishapiro or www.myspace.com/youngadultsnyc. ;)

Currently listening : Witching Hour By Ladytron Release date: 2005-10-04

1:26 AM - 6 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

nyc rents, revisited

Remember the steak-munching caveman from a couple of weeks ago who claimed "it costs $1000 a month to live in Manhattan!"? What, like maybe 20 years ago before he moved to his Connecticut manse? Or was he referring to something like this.... (see below).

This miserable building is located less than 10 feet from the Manhattan bridge, from where I took the pictures. Yes, THE Manhattan bridge where, in addition to the non stop traffic, the N, Q, B and D run every second minute 24 hours a day -- that's got to be louder than a smoked out Sonic Youth jam session (with their pre-theft instruments). Also, I bet no light ever gets in there. And obviously, I'm not sure I'd want to air dry my laundry in this polluted shit place...

I wonder how many illegal Chinese immigrants live in each of these apartments (disclaimer: not at all to sound racist; this is Chinatown after all). I wonder if they speak a word of English. I wonder if this is how they imagined America. And I wonder how much their rent is....?

Currently listening : Is This It? By The Strokes Release date: 2001-09-03

10:49 AM - 8 Comments - 5 Kudos - Add Comment

a "celeb sighting" i could not care less about

I am really not the starstruck kind. Which is just as well, because I am the worst when it comes to spotting supposedly famous people. I did not even recognize Ethan Hawke when he was standing right in front of me at a Chelsea street fair! Might I add, he did not recognize me either...

However, somehow it actually rang a bell when I walked by Pete Wentz 10 minutes ago on 11th Street (on his way to A&K, I assume). I guess it was because he looks so fucking weird you cannot NOT recognize him! Also, his puffy face seems to be everywhere now when he's hitched to what's-her-name.

I am actuallly embarrassed I know who these people are. But how can you protect yourself from tabloids, magazine covers at newsstands and online crap that always seems to hit you in the face however hard you try to stay away?

It's pretty funny, though, that from the day I heard (of) her name for the first time, it actually took me two years to learn what Ashlee Simpson was really "famous" for (yeah, okay, I wasn't really trying that hard). And when I finally found out, I was not any more impressed than I had previously been... I have yet to hear a Fall Out Boy song, but if it sucks even half as bad as Ashlee's sh*t, I'd say it's pretty bad!

In fact, the more I think about it, the more I realize it's not really Pete who bothers me... it's Ashlee. Why don't we all sign this petition (below) to stop her singing/acting/whatever she's doing... I think I've signed it at least three times since the first time I came across it! If in doubt, just think about how great it would be to be able to go to the nail salon, spa, hair stylist etc without having to see her nosejobbed mug in every frickin mag in the waiting area. DO IT!

Stop Ashlee Simpson

12:35 AM - 6 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

some new fashion faux pas victims

I know I recently vowed to stop posting these fashion roadkill blogs (I think I said finger pointing at other people is below me... I wonder what I was smokin'?!), but guess what.... I also told my boyfriend about 3-4 weeks ago that "I have enough dresses now", and since then I have added 4 of them to my closet. So what gives? A new fashion faux pas blog, of course!

1. Leaving your shoes at home. How gross is it to walk barefoot in the city? Only hippie chicks used to do this (which was bad enough), but what up with all the rest of you who are suddenly prancing around with no shoes on? I feel sorry for the next Korean nail lady who will have to do this chick's hooves! Also, in this particular case, I could drop something along the lines "just because they make it your size...", but let's take the high road instead and shut up.

Cornelia & 6th: Did someone mug her of her golden Payless?

2. Trashy tats. Not exactly the kind of garter you toss to your friends at your wedding... Also, it doesn't really pair that well with that KMart shirt and pink straw bag, no? But either way, lady, I really don't need to see your lingerie -- regardless of whether it's lace or ink! Cover up!

12th & 2nd: I'll just pretend I didn't see that.

3. Mish mash, mismatch. You want to wear your grey shorts, your brown calf skin boots and your black knee-high socks.... all at the same time. Think again. Thanks!

4. Beach ready. I totally understand those fringed suede boots can feel a little hot in humid 81F weather. But to compensate by wearing a swimsuit in the city? And to make things worse, a one-piece floral straight from your Granny's closet? This Pocahontas-looking bitch should be happy she doesn't live in Italy, where you will end up in the slammer for obnoxious shit like this! My eyes still hurt a little.

Rivington & Chrystie: Could you at least have gone monochrome?

5. Blingin' it. I hate to break it to ya but you look like a Christmas tree, not a pimp! First step is probably to realize all that fake gold and all those gadgets need to be backed up by a far better ride than the Coney Island bound Q train.... and also, it wouldn't hurt to lose those footprint patchwork jeans.

Brooklyn bound Q: While I'm at it, the N to Coney is about a zillion times faster. :(

6. Showing skin. Last but not least, this is just downright nasty. Pull up your pants, woman!

44th & Madison: Even mannequins apparently get sick to death of suits and bow-tie blouses now and then.

11:11 AM - 8 Comments - 5 Kudos - Add Comment

pet peeves of the day: LOTS of them

Easily annoyed people should not live in New York. Make that, I should perhaps not live in NY! I am way too iffy on all the shit you come across on a daily basis when you walk the streets here. What about for instance...

1) Bird feeding. I am so over all these old people throwing moldy breadcrumbs all over the streets! You bet it's always some downtown asshole who's been living in New Yaaaaaawk all his/her life and believe that entitles h** to behave how the fvck (s)he pleases. Well, think again! Also, how is it possible to be 100 years old and not understand that sprinkling the sidewalk with Pillsbury does very little for the cute birdie-birds (for the record, pigeons don't belong to the "cute" category)... but will undoubtedly make the rats of the city fat and cozy in no time?!  Finally, let's not forget how nasty the crumbs get when it rains on them and you risk getting them on your shoes. Calling all senior citizens: why don't you just take up knitting or something instead? Thank you!

Guilty of charge: the ghost of some 100-year old dude on 12th & 3rd:

2. Hosing it down. Funny that it's just not possible to go anywhere in Manhattan between 6am and 9am, without encountering a 5'4" Mexican splashing the sidewalk with a hose. Exactly how does that help in making the streets cleaner?! Someone enlighten me? 'Cause to me it seems like all it does is to stir up all the dirt, piss and dog shit, not to mention the rotten crumbs (see above) that not even the rats fancied, and making it stick on your shoes as you pass by -- sure as hell always earning a cat call/cheesy compliment by the hose dude. And if you're really unlucky and step too forcefully in the shit water as you're trying to navigate your way through, it splashes up on your calves... NASTY! Whoever came up with this idea of "sidewalk sanitation": why don't you shove that big hose up your ass?

Hosing alert on Rivington & Bowery:

3. Blocking the crosswalk during the walking signal. Out of state people might not understand how irritating this is, because you're the driving kind, right? Well, I'm not! I walk 32 blocks to work every morning and then back home in the evening (remember I can't take the subway anymore... too many nose-pickers on there)... and I am not the kind of person who keeps my heels in the office and wears sneakers for my commute!  Alas, having to walk an extra couple of feet in a bumpy street with lots of heel-breaking cracks, just because some a§§hole didn't have the decency to keep his front bumper behind the crosswalk, is painful... and annoying!

Interestingly enough, I've noticed that the people who most often do this are either chicks in Jerzey-plated SUVs, or cab drivers (see pics below). What does that tell us? Learn how to drive or take the PATH, alternatively go back to your JP Morgan office and listen to an earnings call or something!

Crosswalk offender 1: 10th & A (and yes, that car had NJ plates... also the light had just started flashing when I took the pic, so the white signal does not show in the pic -- but I swear those chicks had been blocking the Xwalk for at least 2 minutes straight!):

Crosswalk offender 2: 13th & 3rd:

And while we're at it... notice the scaffolding in two of the images above? Those are pretty fvcking annoying too, when I think about it. But I suppose I'm better off leaving that blog topic for my boyfriend... . Time now to head out for my 32 block walk. Crosswalk blockers beware!

10:58 AM - 8 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

reality check

The other day, I attended a business luncheon where a couple of CEO a$$holes were making presentations while the rest of the gentlemen pigged out on steak and booze (I had fish and seltzer!). So boring, but at least I got a free lunch and an excuse to skip work for two hours!

Forget about one of the speakers' statement that "we all know that wives control the checkbook... and we're better off not questioning THAT!" -- followed by a unison ho-ho-ho-ha-ha-ha. Um, it wasn't that funny, no? What really made me roll my eyes, though, was when some lame-o at my table slam-dunked the same speaker's back after he said something about real estate prices, and chuckled: "Well, Jason doesn't live in Manhattan where it costs $1000 per month to rent!". Gee, buddy! Neither do you, obviously!

It wasn't really the best time to pull out my camera and take a picture of him... but at least I made sure to get his business card. And hey, Mr I-Like-My-Steak-Rare, I think it's really sad that you apparently manage billions of dollars for one of New York's better known funds, but have no clue of the cost of living in the city. I guess it must be because your wife controls the checkbook.... and thus is the one writing the rent checks?

Currently listening : Santogold By Santogold Release date: 2008-04-29

1:13 AM - 16 Comments - 11 Kudos - Add Comment