AN S.O.S. FROM OZ! FUCK BATMAN! ASSHOLE WINNERS!
Category: MySpace
THIS IS THE MIGHTY OZ WRITING YOU ON A LAPTOP I FASHIONED FROM A CLECO VISION, A SPEAKNSAY AND THE RELAY MODEM FROM SHIPWRECKED YACHT. I HAVE BEEN LOST ON FUCKING ZOLTAR'S CARIBEAN ISLAND FOR THREE WEEKS. IT ALL STARTED WHEN I WENT TO THE SUB-VOLCANO SUPPLY CHAMBER (AKA BASEMENT) TO GET ANOTHER CASE OF JOHNNY WALKER AND I OPENED THE WRONG DOOR. I FUCKING ENDED UP WITH THIS GROUP OF FUCKERS
I HAVE WANDERED THIS FUCKING ISLAND LOOKING FOR THE FRONT DOOR SINCE. I HAVE HAD TO BATTLE WILD APES (DON'T ASK ME HOW THEY GOT HERE), EX-PAT CIA OPERATIVES WHO HAVE SET UP CAMP HERE, AND AN EGO DAZED HALF BAKED PIRATE OTHERWISE KNOWN AS…GAY JOHNNY DEPP!
I UTILIZED SOME OF MY WIZARD KNOW HOW TO USE THE TRASH FOUND ON THE ISLAND TO FASHION THIS LAPTOP TO COMMUNICATE WITH YOU FUCKERS IN OZ. I AM ALSO WORKING ONA SORT OF SALVAGE GRADE LIGHTSABER THAT I AM USING AN OLD LIGHT BRIGHT, THE BODY OF A DISCARDED "RABBIT" VIBRATOR AND AS MUCH BAD ACTING AS I CAN MUSTER!! TO POWER!
SPEAKING OF ACTING AND BLOGGING AND ALL THAT SHIT! I AM SICK OF HEARING ABOUT HOW FUCKING GREAT HEATH LEDGER IS. I THOUGHT I WOULD MISS THE DARK KNIGHT BUT LUCKILY THE CHINESE BOOTLEGGERS ON THE ISLAND HAD THREE CHERRY COPIES.
I AM SICK OF PEOPLE MAKING SUCH A BIG DEAL ABOUT A GUY WEARING CLOWN MAKE UP AND GIVING A GREAT PERFORMANCE. GODDAMIT OZ WAS DOING THIS WHEN THE COOLEST CLOWN YOU KNEW WAS RONNIE MAC! NO ONE WANTS TO GIVE ME AN OSCAR (WHICH SOUNDS LIKE AN UNDERGROUND GAY TERM FOR A DIRTY SANCHEZ). I MEAN COME ON PEOPLE HOW HARD IS TO PUT ON MAKE UP AND ACT INSANE? THE MIGHTY OZ SAYS THAT IT IS TOTAL BULLSHIT! BUT I WILL GIVE THE DEVIL HIS DO, ANYTIME A GUY CAN GO FROM PROPER FUCKING JAKE GYLLANHAAL AS A HOMO COWBOY AND CAN SLIP INTO A ROLE AS A HOMICIDAL CLOWN WHO BEATS UP BATMAN'S WHINEY ASS (WAAAA-MY MOMMY AND DADDY DIED AND I DON'T WANT TO BE A HERO BUT I HAVE TO BE AND I WEAR AWESOME SUITS AND I'M RICH FUCK YOU BRUCE WAYNE YOU FUCKER!) I APPLAUD THEM. IT WAS A GREAT PERFORMANCE I GUESS AND IT SUCKS BECAUSE HE IS THE ONLY THING THAT SAVED THAT SHIT FLING OF A MOVIE FANCHISE! I MEAN HE WAS THE MOVIE, THERE WASN'T MUCH MORE GOING ON! LET'S LOOK AT WHAT WAS WRONG WITH THAT MOVE AND BATMAN AND GENERAL AS A FRANCHISE.
1) RICH GUY WHO DRESSES UP IN A SUPER SUIT, DRIVES A JACKED HUMMER, BEATS THE SHIT OUT OF PEOPLE AND STAYS UP ALL NIGHT AND NOT ONCE DO YOU SEE HIM DOING A LITTLE "TOOT"!- UNREALISTIC! I KNOW A FEW TRUSTFUND BABY WANNA BE ACTORS WHO DO SHIT LIKE THIS EVERY WEEKEND, THEY ARE NOT HERO'S THEY ARE CALLED ADDICTS!
2) YOU ARE SHOT, CUT, DROPPED AND BURNED AND YOUR SUIT HOLDS UP WITHOUT A SCRATCH, BUT A FUCKING DOG IS CAPABLE OF BITING A HOLE THROUGH IT! COME ON MORGAN FREEMAN, YOU ARE GOD! CAN'T YOU MAKE A SUIT THAT CAN HOLD UP TO THE GREATEST WEAPON KNOWN TO MAN, THE STRAY DOG?
3) RICH MULTI-MILLIONAIRE PLAYBOY WHO LOOKS LIKE A STRAIGHT CHRISTIAN BALE AND THE BEST YOU CAN DO IS THIS….
HERE IS WHERE OZ WILL RANT! WHAT HOLLYWOOD DUMBFUCK ACTUALLY SEES THIS WOMAN AS A GREAT SUPPORTING ACTRESS? OKAY SHE DID ONE HALF DIRTY MOVIE WHERE SHE GOT THE FUCK SPANKED OUT OF HER BY HER BOSS. OKAY, IF I WAKE UP ONE DAY AND REALIZE THE BEST ASS I CAN GET IS MAGGIE GYLLANHAAL I WILL BEND HER OVER AND BEAT AN ORGASM FROM HER MYSELF. YOU WANT ME TO BELIEVE THAT BRUCE WAYNE AND THAT GUY THAT PLAYED HARVEY DENT WHO IS IN A LOT OF MOVIES BUT I NEVER KNOW HIS NAME WOULD BE FLIPPING OVER THIS TRICK? COMEON, I WOULD HAVE BEEN MORE INTO THIS FILM IF YOU REPLACE MAGGIE GYLLANHAAL WITH A MOP WITH A MOUTH AND EYES DRAWN ON IT! THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT MOVIE NOW THAT I THINK OF IT…
THERE YOU HAVE IT FUCKERS! PROOF THAT A MOP MAKE BATMAN BETTER AND IS MUCH HOTTER THAN MAGGIE!
WHOREMOP 1
MAGGIE 0
OKAY THE 87 D CELL BATTERIES I HAVE RUNNING THIS COMPUTER ARE ABOUT TO DIE. I NEED YOU FUCKERS TO TELL ZOLTON TO GET SOME OF THOSE GOLD DIPPED HOOKERS OR FUCKIT TO LEAVE THE LIAR AND FIND MY STARVING ASS. HERE IS A PIC OF ME SO HE WILL RECOGNIZE ME! I WEIGHT ABOUT 98 POUNDS AND HAVE A NEW FRIEND I HAVE NICKNAMED TOM!
SPEAKING OF ASSHOLES, YOU ALL WANT TO KNOW WHO WON THE ASSHOLE CONTEST. WELL IT WAS HARD TO VOTE BECAUSE NO ONE FOLLOWED THE RULES BUT HERE IS WHAT I CAN BEST SUMMIZE…THE BO-BICE WANNA BE FROM LOUISIANA WIN'S BIGGEST COCK BREATH THAT I HOPEDIES OF A FLESH EATING PARASITE THAT STARTS ON THE RIM OF HIS ANUS AND WORKS INWARD FOR HIS BULLSHIT WITH JUDE. SUPER JABS GOT A LOT OF VOTE, BUT REALLY DOESN'T THAT REALLY JUST PLAY INTO JABS?
COQUETO MAY HAVE WON BIGGEST ASSHOLE PICTURE POSTER FOR THIS:
IT ALSO LOOKS LIKE A LEAD VOTE GETTER WAS THE DARKHORSE LUKE! HOLY SHIT I HAD BARELY HEARD OF THIS GUY TILL I DID THIS CONTEST! YOU GUYS LOVE HIM, I MEAN WAS IT HIS CHARM AND GOOD LOOKS? WAS IT HIS BLOG ABOUT SUBJECTS LIKE HATING FATGIRLS…
OR MAYBE IT WAS THE KMART BRAND "BALLS GIRL" CONCEPT HE LIKES TO SPORT (LUKE'S GIRLS?)
EITHER WAY THIS GUY FOUND NEW FAME BY ALL OF YOU AS ONE OF THE BIGGEST ASSHOLES OF MYSPACE. YES, THERE YOU HAVE IT, YOUR MYSPACE ASSHOLE MT. RUSHMORE
SO WHO WINS! FUCK IT! THEY ALL DO!
SO TELL ME ABOUT WHY BATMAN ISN'T REAL? I COULD HAVE KEPT THAT GOING BUT I WANT TO HEAR YOUR SHIT!
OZ BLOGS ABOUT NOTHING! MYSPACE SUCKS! I AM A LADIES MAN! WHO WON THE CONTEST?!
Category: MySpace
THE GREAT OZ HAS BEEN THINKING ABOUT MYSPACE DURING TIMES OF DEEP REFLECTION AND MEDITATION
(DON'T MAKE FUN OF MY TOILET AND BATHROOM! IT MAKES ME FEEL PRETTY AND FREE AND THAT IS WHAT WE ALL WANT SOMETIMES FUCKERS! TO BE PRETTY AND FREE)
THAT IS RIGHT WHEN OZ WAS TRYING TO CONVINCE THE MACHO CAMACHO HECTOR THE TERRIBLE DOUBLE CHEESE WITH SALSA AND 10 SHOTS OF JOSE GOLD BURRITO TO COME OUT OF HIS COLON HE THOUGHT OF MYSPACE! FIRST I THOUGHT ABOUT THE THE FUCKING SITE!
WE ARE ADULTS YET THE FRONT PAGE TODAY IS LITTERED WITH MILEY CYRUS/HANNAH WHATEVER, "BLOWUS" BROTHER...ALL THIS KIDS SHIT! MAYBE I AM ON THE WRONG SITE. FUCK MAN! DO ADULTS LISTEN TO THIS? NEXT, NOTHING WORKS! AGAIN TOM'S CRACK HELP DESK STAFF WAS ON THE JOB!
NOW THE GREAT OZ KNOWS WE ARE NOT GETTING PAID, NOR ARE THE GREAT FUCKERS OF OZ PAYING TO BLOG! BUT WHEN YOU ROB YOUR BOSS OF THOSE PRECIOUS HOURS YOUR SHITTY JOB PAYS YOU FOR OR IGNORE YOUR CHILDREN TO THE POINT OF SALLY STRUTHERS SHOWING UP TO FEED THEM YOU WANT SOMEONE TO BE ABLE TO READ IT!
FUCK TOM! HAVENT' I SAID IT ENOUGH! KEEP THIS HEAP OF HORSESHIT UP MAN! SOME PEOPLE HAVE SHITTING FICTION, GROSS HALF NUDE PICTURES, PROCLAMATIONS OF ASSHOLERY, EMO BULLSHIT, AND A SMALL PENIS TO OVER COMPENSATE FOR THROUGH THESE HALLOWED PAGES OF "MYCRAP"! FUCK! IF THIS WERE TO STOP WORKING HOW COULD I FIND OUT HOW TO DATE FROM STEPHANIE AND JABS! HOW COULD I READ DILLUSIONS OF A THREESOME AND OTHER SEXUAL ACTS FROM SHIRTLESS JOHN AND LUKE! (THEY SHOULD CO-BLOG TOGETHER) HOW COULD I FIND OUT HOW MUCH LIFE SUCKS OR WE ALL HATE JESUS FROM THIS GIRL!
GET IT TOGETHER TOM!
IT ALSO SUCKS BECAUSE NOT ONLY ARE THERE "BLOGWARS" (COPY RIGHT LUCSUCKS FILMS MYSPACE UNLIMITED) GOING ON BUT THERE ARE NOW BLOG WARS ABOUT ANTI-BLOG WARS ABOUT THE BLOG WARRIORS! LISTEN PEOPLE THIS IS HOW IT WORKS IN LIFE, TWO PEOPLE HAVE AN ISSUE THEY GO AT IT! YOU STICK YOUR SHORT AND PIMPLY IN IT AND IT MIGHT GET HACKED OFF! YOU COULD BE A CASUALITY OR A PART OF THE PROBLEM BETWEEN THOSE PEOPLE! MY POINT! DON'T GO WHINING ABOUT HOW YOU TRIED TO RATIONALIZE WITH SOMEONE AND JUST STATE YOUR OPINION AND YOU ARE NOW BEING ATTACKED BY SOMEONE ELSE! NOW THE GREAT OZ DOES NOT HAVE BLOG WARS OR DRAMA BLOGS! BUT LIKE GOD AND KEANU REEVES
I JUST SIT BACK WITH A DUMB LOOK AND OBSERVE! BUT RIDDLE ME THIS FUCKERS! DO YOU REALLY THINK ANYONE WANTS TO THINK RATIONALLY? IT'S MYSPACE! THERE IS NO MYSPACE JAIL OR MYSPACE HELL OR MYSPACE BANKRUPTCY! IT'S A SOCIAL SITE WITH HANNAH FUCKTANA ON THE FRONT PAGE PEOPLE YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE AN ADULT HERE SO STOP ACTING LIKE ANYONE CARES THAT YOU ARE PROCLAIMING TO BE ONE! PEOPLE FIGHT, THEY HAVE SHIT, THEY GET OVER IT! JUST SO OZ AVOIDS ANY DRAMA I WILL POST ALL MY PERSONAL INFORMATION THAT WOULD BE USED TO BLACKMAIL THE GREAT OZ! MYSPACE NAME: ALMIGHTY OZ REAL NAME: OSWALD JACKSON TURNER, III (BUT MY FRIENDS CALL ME TED) JAIL: DO YOU WANT MINOR OFFENSES OR THE FELONY CHARGES *SIDE NOTE, THE STATE OF TEXAS IS STILL TRYING TO DETERMINE IF WHAT I DID WITH THAT COYOTA WAS ILLEGAL OR PART OF MY "INDIAN" HERITAGE. SOCIAL ISSUES: DRINK LIKE A BALDWIN, LIKES TO PEE NAME ON THE SIDE OF WHITE BUILDINGS (CAN'T HELP IT), STEALS CHICLETS AND GIVES THEM TO MEXICAN KIDS TO SELL (IT'S A SOCIAL SERVICE), HAS BEEN KNOWN TO DRINK JOHNNY WALKER RED (THOUGH PROCLAIMS BLACK AS HIS DRINK), ONCE GOT BUSY IN A BURGER KING BATHROOM WITH YOUR SISTER (YOU KNOW WHO I AM TALKING ABOUT)...I WILL STOP THERE
SPEAKING OF GETTING BUSY! OZ HAS TURNED INTO A LADIES MAN! THAT IS RIGHT, LOOK OUT JABS, COQUETO, LUKE, JOHN, DAN AND WHATEVER IMAGINARY KEYBOARD SEX GODS THAT EXIST IN BLOG LAND! OZ IS BUILDING A HISTORY WITH THE LADIES! LET'S SEE! MY SWEET LOVE PIN CUSHION AND I HAD MONTHS OF ROMANCE BUT SHE HAS FORSAKEN ME FOR SOMEONE ON HER PAGE THAT LOOKS LIKE COREY FELDMAN!
(I MISS MY PIN CUSHION! LOOK OUT FELDMAN! I WILL GET YOUR ASS SOON ENOUGH!)
THEN THERE IS MY DRUG LACED 3AM DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AGAINST THE ASAIN CLEANING LADY AT THE STARLIGHT HOTEL ROMANCE WITH GOOD TIGHT (I AM WORKING ON YOUR BAIL LOVE, I PROMISE)
THAT ONE WEEKEND WITH BOBBY (NO JUDGING) (NEVER TAKE THE BLUE PILL)
AND MY NOW BLACK OUT TEQUILLA LACED MARRIAGE TO BELLADONNA! (DID I UNTIE YOU? IF NOT SORRY LOVER)
THAT IS RIGHT BOYS, PUCKER UP! I HAVE NOW GOTTEN MORE IMAGINARY ASS THAN ANY OF YOU!
SO WHO WON THE CONTEST! THE BIGGEST ASSHOLE CONTEST! MORE OVER, WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY JUDGES WITH THEIR VOTES! ELISA! TYLER! FUCKERS!
NEXT WEEK WE WILL ANNOUNCE IT! SHIT VOTES ARE STILL COMING IN!
ALRIGHT! ENOUGH IRRELIVANCE FOR ONE DAY FUCKERS!
THE GREAT OZ IS HEADING TO ZOLTONS ISLAND TO TRY HIS "FAT GIRL TO HOT GIRLS" GUN! WHICH ODDLY ENOUGH LOOKS LIKE A BOTTLE OF JW BLACK! BUT I WILL TRUST THE GOOD DOCTOR!
THIS ONE IS PERSONAL, YES, IT IS ABOUT YOU!
Category: MySpace
NO, NOT YOU! YOU STUPID ARROGENT BITCH, I MEAN THE PROVERBIAL YOU!
OKAY PEOPLE IT'S CALLED MYSPACE, NOT MYLIFE!
GET A LIFE! RELAX! CHILL, READ THE SHIT!
LET'S RANT ON A BIT CAN WE!
FIRST OFF, WE HAD SOME FUN THIS WEEKEND WITH THE CLOWNGASM! THANKS TO ALL WHO LET ME (WILLINGLY OR NOT) OZ OUT THEIR PIC! WHY DID WE DO IT? IT WAS FUN! FUCK YES IT WAS! WHY THE HELL DO YOU COME TO THIS BLOG? BESIDE MY AWESOME WRITING AND UNBELIEVABLE WITT IT IS BECAUSE IT….YEP, FUN! SO WHY THE FUCK ARE THERE FUCKERS WHO ARE SO FUCK FUCKED FUCKEDDY FUCKED THAT THEY DON'T' KNOW HOW TO HAVE FUN ON MYSPACE? DID THEIR DADDY'S NOT HOLD THEM? (OR MAYBE HE HELD THEM TOO CLOSE?) THE KEY BEING THIS… PERSPECTIVE! YES! PERSPECTIVE MOTHERFUCKERS! THAT IS RIGHT! LOOK IT UP IF YOU'RE THE SLOW TYPE THAT EATS JELLY BY HAND WITHOUT BREAD OR PEANUT BUTTER AND BEATS OFF TO MINI-MOUSE…BUT PERSPECTIVE IS THAT SHIT THAT ALLOWS YOU TO ALWAYS HAVE FUN AND NOT FREAK OUT ABOUT MYSPACE AND OTHER ENTERTAINING THINGS IN THE WORLD YOU SHOULD NOT TAKE SERIOUSLY (LIKE YOUR PENIS SIZE, YOUR BREASTS THAT ARE ONE LARGER THAN THE OTHER AND THAT ODOR COMING FROM YOUR BUTT…OKAY WORRY ABOUT THAT LAST ONE)....
NOW I KNOW YOU ARE ASKING "HEY OZ, WHERE DO I GET SOME OF THAT PERSPECTIVE? DOES TONY LITTLE SELL IT WITH THAT EXERCISE MACHINE?"....
.. ..
NO, NOT TONY LITTLE....
"WHAT ABOUT RONCO? YES, IT COMES WITH THE CHICKEN OVEN THINGY DOESN'T IT?"....
NOPE, BUT THAT DOES MAKE A LOVELY CHICKEN....
.. ..
"WELL OZ, HOW DO I GET FUCKING PESPECTIVE?"....
WELL, IT'S THE SAME PLACE YOU GET A FUCKING CLUE! IT'S FREE YOU DUMB ASS! YOU GAIN IT BY GROWING UP, SUCKING IT UP AND REALIZING YOUR NOT AS IMPORTANT TO ALL OF US AS YOU ARE TO YOUR SELF....
HANG ON, STOP, LET ME CLARIFY THAT ONE AND SPEAK SLOWLY....
YOU. ARE. NOT. AS. IM. POR. TANT. TO. ALL. OF. US. AS. YOU. ARE. TO. YOUR. SELF.!....
JUST REMEMBER FUCKERS! IF YOU WANT TO GET ALL BUTTHURT ABOUT WHAT YOU READ ON THE OZ BLOG THEN STOP, GO TO THE TOP OF MY BLOG, AND HIT UNSUBSCRIBE. IF THAT DOESN'T WORK DELETE THE PAGE AND JOIN AN AA GROUP (IF YOU DON'T HAVE A DRINKING PROBLEM THEN FIRST GO ON A 4 WEEK BENDER, LOSE YOUR JOB, BLOW YOUR CASH AND PICK UP A NASTY BLACK TAR HEROINE ADDICTION THEN REPEAT THE AA INSTRUCTION). LET ME REVISIT WHAT THE FUCK OZ DOES! HE IS SIMPLY YOU! I AM THE BASTARD CHILD OF EVERYBODY'S BLOG! I SIMPLY RESTATE WHAT YOU DO AND SAY! I JUST DO IT A LOT MORE FUCKIGN FUNNIER THAN YOU DID IT AND IF YOU HAVE ENOUGH SPINE YOU MIGHT LAUGH ABOUT IT!
NOW HERE IS WHERE I WILL BE LIKE THAT COCK NOSE GERALDO RIVERA
(ACTUAL COCK NOSE)
AND BE FAIR AND BALANCED…
WE GIVE COQUETO LOTS OF SHIT! NOW I AM NOT SAYING HE IS A STAND UP GUY! SO FAR HE WRITES REALLY WHINY SHIT, HAS HAD SOME MISHAPS WITH FIREARMS, IS INTO HIS EX FOR 50 LARGE AND MAYBE BANGING MOST OF THE MID-WEST VIA HIS BLOG. LOVE HIM OR HATE HIM OR JUST REALLY DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT HIM GIVE THE LITTLE FUCKER THIS….HE'S GOT BALLS! I RIDE COQUETO LIKE A $300 HOOKER AT A RENO MASSAGE PARLOR AND HE JUST LOOKS BACK, SMILES AND SAYS "ONE MORE TIME, BUT THIS TIME IT'S ON ME BIG GUY". THAT IS MY KIND OF HOOKER, AND MY KIND OF "TOP BLOGGER". IF YOUR GOING TO PUT YOUR COCK ON THE KITCHEN COUTNERTOP YOUR GONNA HAVE TO RISK IT GETTING CUT OFF AND THIS MOFO HAS BEEN MORE THAN WILLING TO PUT IT UP, LAUGH AT THE CUT AND GROW A NEW ONE WITH EACH BLOG. NOW I AM NOT KISSING HIS ASS, I DON'T WANT TO GET SYPHALLIS BACK JUST YET OR ANYTHING. (I JUST GOT RID OF IT THE LAST CASE I CAUGHT) I AM JUST MAKING A POINT THAT EITHER THE MAN IS A FREAK THAT LIKES TO BE BELITTLED OR HE UNDERSTANDS THAT WE DON'T' KNOW HIM AND HE HAS CREATED A PERSONA THAT IS IT FUN TO POKE FUN AT! IF TILA WAS NOT A WATER BABY AND THE BRAIN DAMAGE AND RETARDATION WERE NOT SO SEVERE SHE WOULD HAVE ACTUALLY WRITTEN ONE OR TWO OF HER BLOGS AND MIGHT HAVE READ ONE OF MINE AND GOTTEN A KICK OUT OF IT! (EVER WONDER IF RETARDED KIDS GET TOGETHER AND CRACK JOKES ABOUT "..NORMAL.. PEOPLE", YOU BET YOUR MOMMY'S SWEET LILLI WHITE ASS THEY DO)
THE KEY IS, YOU CAN'T LAUGH AT ANYONE ELSE TILL YOU FUCKERS CAN LAUGH AT YOURSELF. (I DO THIS OFTEN BY HAVE SEX IN THE BEDROOM INFRONT OF A MIRROR WITH MY HOOVER VACCUM AND A CASE OF HAWAIIAN TROPICS SUNTAN OIL NOTHING MAKES YOU THINK "BITCHES" LIKE HAWAIIAN TROPICS)
SO CHILL OUT FUCKERS! ENJOY THE BLOGS OR JUST STAY AWAY!
SO DID YOU NOTICE I HAD STEPPED AWAY FROM MY MESSIAHHOOD AND HAD BECOME THE SUPER ALMIGHTY OZ! TOM DELETED MY PICTURE! ....
.. ..
IT WILL BE BACK I AM STILL SUPER OZ!!! THAT'S RIGHT, ARMED WITH MY SECRET IDENTITY I GET NAKED IN PHONE BOOTHS AND WEAR WOMENS UNDERWEAR AND A CAPE MOST DAYS! I AM ABLE TO DRINK A BOTTLE OF JOHNNY WALKER IN A SINGLE NIGHT! CAN CUM WITH THE SPEED OF A NERVOUS 18 YEAR OLD! FLY LIKE A DRUNK HOOKER OFF THE LA JOLLA COVE BRIDGE AT 4AM! LOOK UP IN THE SKY! IT'S A SMOG CLOUD! IT'S AN A&P BAG CAUGHT IN THE WIND! NO! IT'S MYSPACE SUPER OZ
WE HAVE A REVOLUTION! IT IS FUCKING GREAT!
WRITE ON! THAT IS WHAT THE REVOLUTION IS! WRITE BETTER THAN THEM! WRITE SHIT THAT MATTERS!
YOU ARE THE FUCKING WIZARDS!
FUCKERS!
AND REMEMBER YOU DUMB FUCKERS! I AM OZ! I AM A FAKE PROFILE! WE ARE HERE TO ACT OUT! IF YOU REALLY KNOW ME YOU DON'T! IF YOU THINK THIS IS ME YOU ARE WRONG! IF YOU THINKTHIS IS ME YOU ARE RIGHT! WE ALL HAVE SIDES! THIS IS MYSIDE, THIS IS YOUR SIDE! THIS IS THE PART OF US THAT LAUGHS AT THE FUNNY LOOKING OLD MAN, THE BROKEN DOWN JERK, THE STUPID KID PICKING HIS NOSE AND EATING HIS BOOGERS, THE DRUNK GIRL WITH A STICK $20 ON HER ASS AND YOUR NUMBER SMEARED ACROSS HER SHOULDER
WE ALL HAVE A BAD SIDE! FOR SOME IT IS OUR GOOD SIDE!
LET IT OUT
YOU ARE NOT PERFECT! I AM! OR ATLEAST MY ID, MY OZ, MY REAL FAKE PROFILE IS!NOW PLAY IT FUCKERS!
CLOWNGASM! THAT’S RIGHT, I CLOWNGASM’D ALL OVER YOU!
Category: MySpace
AHHH, NOTHING LIKE A STRONG FINISH!! AT THE TOP OF THE BLOG!!
MY FRIENDS LIST AS OF LAST NIGHT!
THERE IS AN ANNOYING AUSTRALIAN POET WHO DOES SOME GAY CONTEST EVERY YEAR CALLED THE "POEMGASM". (SOMEONE ACTUALLY TOLD ME HE PROCLAIMED POEMGASM AS HIS OWN PERSONAL GENRE). HE ACTUALLY FEELS HIS WRITINGS ARE SO EROTIC THEY WILL CAUSE YOU TO SPONTANIOUSLY COMBUST WITH WOMAN JUICE IN A PORN LIKE EPYLLPTIC FIT ON THE FLOOR OF YOUR OFFICE AFTER READING HIM. YEP, HE IS THAT MUCH OF A DOUCHE! HIS NAME IS JE MAVERICK AND THE ONLY GOOD THING THE DOUCHEWEASEL EVER INSPIRED IN MY OPINION WAS RUBY TO CALL MY RIDICULING HIS POEMGASM (CLOWNGASM!)
SO WITH THAT I REALIZED I HAD NOT OZ'D ANYONE IN A LONG TIME. LAST YEAR I OZ'D A TON OF FRIENDS AND ONE DAY ABOUT HALF OF MY TOP FRIENDS IN MY LIST WERE ALL OZ PHOTO'S!
WELL TODAY MY FRIENDS SOME OF YOU NEWBIE'S ARE GETTING OZ'D!!!! OR AS I LIKE TO CALL IT
CLOWNGASM 2008!
(SIDE NOTE, WHO GOT OZ'D AND WHY? JUST WHOEVER I HAD SEEN LATELY. IF YOU WERE OZD IN THE PAST I DID NOT REOZ YOU UNLESS YOUR FIRST OZ PIC DID NOT COME OUT SO GOOD TO ME OR YOU HAD A CHANGE (LIKE ELISA'S NECK BRACE. IF I LEFT YOU OUT DON'T SWEAT! AND IF YOU WERE OZD BEFORE YOU ALREADY GOT YOURS AND ALL THAT YADA YADA!)
SO FIRST OFF IN THE CLOWNGASM'S, A MAD SCIENTIST THAT NEEDS NO INTRODUCTIONS OTHER THAN HE IS MY PERSONAL CONSIGLIERE AND THE OFFICIAL MAD SCIENTIST AND VICE-WIZARD OF ALL OF OZ!
DR. ZOLTON!!!
NEXT ON THE LIST (AND MIND YOU THEY ARE IN NO ORDER!) IS A DISTURBED YOUNG LADY WHO NEVER CEASES TO STRIKE FEAR INTO OUR HEARTS WITH THE DEPTH OF DEPRAVITY WHICH SHE GETS SOME OF THE SICK THINGS WE ALL SAY. THAT IS RIGHT, OUR SWEET LITTLE LOVE BLUMPKIN OF DEATH, ERIN AND THE LAST PERSON TO GET A LENGTHY INTRODUCTION (BECAUSE THE ICE IS WATERING DOWN MY JOHNNY WALKER BLACK). SHE IS OUR PRETTY LITTLE HEAD BANGER WHO SHOUTED TOO LOUD AT THE DEVIL THIS YEAR AND HAD TO GET HER HEAD SCREWED BACK ON CORRECTLY, LITERALLY! i RE-OZ'D ELISA TO SHOW THAT HOT HARDWARE (DON'T WORRY ELISA, ZOLTON IS MAKING YOU A BIONIC NECK)
NOW LET'S JUST ROLL SOME OUT HOW ABOUT IT!!!
J.D. TOWER (MAYBE THE BEST LOOKING OZ'D EVER)
JOKO (KEEP YOUR BUTTHOLE SAFE JOKO, WE LOVE YOU AND WILL PROTECT YOU MAN!)
CHAD 360 (WE ALL KNOW HIM!)
MYKE OCK (I DON'T KNOW THE GUY, BUT HE WAS MAGNIFYING ME SO HE CAN'T BE ALL BAD!)
THE ORGINIAL DR. J (ALWAYS SHOWS UP AND DROPS SOME GOOD COMMENTS ON US!)
ROCK*STAR (I COULD WRITE A PAGE OF DIRTY THINGS HERE, I MAY, WELL I WON'T, BUT I DO LOVE ALL THREE OF HER!)
SHANNON THE UNTAMED SHREW
MATTHEW (ANYONE WITH A PROFILE PIC OF THEMSELVES PUKING ROCKS)
JULES THE MYSPACE MONKEY (FUCKING MONKEY)
NUTHIN (FUCKER)
FUCK*THAT
DIEGO
RFA HEARTS OZ
KAMIKAZI BLOGGER! (FUNNY FUCKER)
R.H. (HOW DID HE ESCAPE THIS FATE TILL NOW?)
JAY, THE UNKNOWN COMIC
BELLADONNA (LOVE HOW SHE SAYS "BIG BLACK COCK", SHE IS GOING TO MARRY ME)
DR. JOKER (THIS ONE WAS REALLY HARD)
AND OUR MAID OF HONOR GETS A REDO BECAUSE THE LAST ONE I DID FOR HER SUCKED ASS AND SHE DESERVED BETTER! THIS ONE IS NOT MUCH BETER BUT OH WELL
STILL LOVE HER MUFFIN TITS DEANA DAMMIT!
I MAY ADD MORE TOMORROW, BUT THERE YOU GO
CLOWNGASM 2008 HAS BEGUN!!!!
IF I OZ'D YOU BEFORE GET THEM OUT! I AM GIONG TO POST THEM IN THE COMMENTS LATER.
IF EVERYONE IS DOWN MAKE THIS YOUR DEFAULT TOMORROW AND I WILL SLOT ALL THE OZ PICS INTO MY TOP FRIENDS!!!!!
WE WILL HAVE A DAY OF OZ FACED TOP FRIENDS AGAIN!
AND I WILL FEEL GOOD WHILE RECOVERING FROM MY HANG OVER!!!
****UPDATES ALREADY
BAD LISA GOT IT!!
JUST SOME BITCH HAD A CLOWNGASM!
RABBID ROBBIE HAD A CLOWNGASM AND THEN ACTUALLY WENT AND PEED ON JE MAVRICK'S LEG
IRISH LALA
HOW CAN WE CLOWNGASM WITHOUT OUR FAVORITE MASCOT...I MEAN MODEL
GOOD TIGHT!!!
THIS TIME AROUND THE REVOLUTION WILL NOT BE TELEVISED, IT WILL BE BLOGGED (SPECIAL THANKS TO ERICBROOKS.COM FOR THIS LOGO)
WHY OZ SUCKS AT BEING A BLOGGER! THE BRICKS I THREW! WHY OZ IS SICK OF GEORGE CARLIN!
Category: MySpace
UPDATE:
ZOLTON IS A FUCKING MAD GENIUS! HE TRACKED DOWN GOOD TIGHT FOR TYLER AND OZ! WE DID NOT GET MUCH TIME WITH HER BEFORE THE POLICE SHOWED UP BUT HERE IS A SNEAK PEAK!
SWEET SWEET GOOD TIGHT!
THE GREAT OZ HAS DECIDED THAT HE MUST SUCK AT THIS WHOLE BLOGGING DIETY THING! I MEAN I HAVE BEEN HERE FOR A WHILE! I HAVE WRITTEN MANY MANY BLOG! I HAVE INSULTED EVERYONE FROM TOM, TOM'S MOTHER, TELA'S VAGINA, COQUETO'S VAGINA, JABS, MINX, STACEY, MATT HARDY, SOLOMON GRUNDY, JAY MAVERIC, STEPHONY (MAINLY HER HAIR), BAD TIGHT, FAT GIRLS, SLUTTY GIRLS THAT WON'T FUCK ME, JESUS, CHRISTIAN ROCK, PEOPLE WHO SHIT ON PLANES, ETC
YOU UNDERSTAND ME; I MEAN I HAVE FUCKED WITH SOME PEOPLE. I HAVE BEEN A GOOD WIZARD, GIVING GREAT ADVICE AND DEALING PAIN TO ALL WHO STAND TO CLOSE TO THE MOVING PARTS WITHOUT A HELMET.
I GET DRUNK AND WRITE BLOGS FULL OF SPELLING ERRORS AND PHOTOBUCKET BULLSHIT. I LAUGH, I CRY, I REALIZE I NEVER HUNG UP WITH MY GIRLFRIENDS DIGITAL ANSWERING MACHING WHILE I MASTURBATED TO JAPENESE ELECTRO-WATER PORN.
BUT TODAY I BECAME ENLIGHTENED. YES, I WASHED MY MAKE UP OFF AND I LOOKED IN THE MIRROR AND I SAW THE FACE OF A MAN WHO, WHILE HAVING A LOVELY SOFT SHINE FROM THE OILS OF THE CREAM BASED MAKEUP I ALWAYS WEAR, HAD FAILED. THAT IS RIGHT; THE GREAT AND MIGHTY OZ STOOD NAKED BEFORE ALL OF HIS MIGHTGREENKINGDOM OF OZSPACE AND FELT HE MUST ADMIT THAT HE IS A FAILURE.
I KNOW EACH OF YOU IS THINKING "WHAT DO YOU MEAN, OH GREAT AND MIGHT OZ? YOU ARE PERFECT IN EVERY WAY, HOW COULD YOU HAVE FAILED US". NO YOU ARE WRONG, SEE IN ALL MY LOVE OF CLEVER INSULT AND POINTED WORDS I HAVE YET TO GET MY SWEET LILLY WHITE ASS DELETED. THAT'S RIGHT FUCKERS! IT SEEMS THAT ALL THE GREATS GET FUCKIGN DELETED AND SO FAR, NO DELETION FOR THE GREAT ONE! MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE I AM A NICE GUY! MAYBE IT'S THE HOME VIDEO ME AND ZOLTON CAPTURED ON THE HOMEMADE WEBCAM OF TOM AND MATT HARDY "WRESTING" IN TOM'S "TOP FRIEND'S" JACUZZI. (THAT ONE IS SPECIAL I HAVE TO TELL YOU. ALL I WILL SAY IS TOM SCREAMS LIKE A GIRL AND MATT GOT ATLEAST A FIVE COUNT OUT OF HIM)
SO WHILE I AM GREAT…I AM NOT YET PERFECT. SO YOU WILL HAVE TO ACCEPT THE GREAT OZ. I AM MAYBE THE CAL RIPKIN OF INSULT BLOGGERS! THE ONE WHO CAN'T BE DELETED!
OKAY, LET'S THROW SOME BRICKS!
MINX, STOP POSTING BLOGS LOOKING LIKE CHARLIE BROWN AFTER A KITE FLYING EPISODE. IF I SEE YOU STRUNG UP LIKE THAT IN MY LOCAL SEX CLUB I AM ARMING 30 MEXICAN CHILDREN WITH CLUBS (COQUETO YOU CAN COME TO) AND TELLING THEM TO BEAT YOU TILL THE CANDYFALLS OUT! WE ALL KNOW YOU ARE INTO WEIRD SEX, WE JUST TRY NOT TO THINK ABOUT YOU AND SEX
THE I HATE JESUS PEOPLE, COME ON. THAT IS CHEAP HYPE. I THINK MY NEXT BLOG IS GOING TO BE "I PUNT BABIES", "ABORTION TASTE LIKE HONEY"; "RETARDATION IS WAY COOL". YOU FUCKTARDS HAVE NOTHING ORIGINAL TO SAY SO YOU SPIT OUT COMMUNITY COLLEGE THEOLOGY ON MYSPACE AND GET A BUNCH HOWWWIEEEDY DOODE CHRISTIANS UP IN ARMS BECAUSE THEY LOVE TO ARGUE WITH PEOPLE AND YOU FORCE ALL TO SEE YOUR BLOG. PERSONALLY I WOULD RATHER WATCH JOKO DO A VIDEO BLOG WHERE HE EXAMINES HIS OWN ANUS THEN DOES THE SOLDIER CAT.
MAGNIFYERS, WHATEVER THE FUCK THAT IS. ENOUGH ALREADY. I WILL SEND ROBBIE RABBIT TO PEE ON YOU (HE IS SO FUCKIGN CUTE, LIKE A FURBY FROM THE 7TH LEVEL OF HELL)
SHIRTLESS JOHN, JUST GO AWAY PLEASE. JESUS CHRIST YOU ARE LIKE THE APPLEBEE OF BLOGGING. THERE IS NOT A FUCKING THING ON THAT MENU THAT WON'T MAKE ME PUKE IF I TAKE IT IN. HOW OLD ARE YOU, LIKE 55? I THINK WE FIGURED OUT WHY YOU ARE SHIRTLESS, MY GRANDPA USE TO WANDER AROUND THE LIVING ROOM IN HIS BOXERS AND BLACK SOX WITH ONE HAIRY NUT HANGING OUT TOO. IT WAS ACTUALLY MUCH HOTTER WHEN HE DID IT. HE ALSO HAD DENTURES THAT ATEAST GAVE HIM THE APPEARANCE OF GOOD TEETH.
BAD BOXERS
GOOD BOXERS (YOU KNOW YOU WANT MY GRANPA!)
GEORGE CARLIN! GEORGE CARLIN! GEORGE CARLIN! I AM ROYALY SICK OF YOU RIGHT NOW, GEORGE CARLIN! THERE, I SAID IT. EVERY TIME I LOOK UP PEOPLE HAVE PICTURES UP AND THEY ARE BLOGGING ABOUT YOU AND TALKING ABOUT YOUR GREATNESS AND THIS CRAZY FUCKING STUPID CLOWN HAS TO ADMIT IT MAKES HIM SICK INSIDE TO REALIZE OVER AND OVER THAT ONE OF THE MOST BRILLIANT MEN OF OUR GENERATION IS GONE. THAT HE WILL NOT HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO HEAR YOUR TRUE HONEST WORDS THAT CAN ONLY INSPIRE THE KIND OF MADNESS THAT DRIVES A MIND LIKE MINE TO EVEN WANT TO WRITE A BIT OF SATIRE (AND NEVER EVEN CALL MY SELF A SATIRIST IF THAT IS WHAT YOU ARE SIR, BECAUSE YOU ARE SOMETHING THE GODS MADE). YOU WERE THE GREAT THINKER FOR OUR GENERATION; YOU WERE A ROYAL GENIUS AMONGST US ALL, THIS WORLD OF INDULGENT FOOLS!
GEORGE CARLIN, I SHED A BIG TEAR OF A CLOWN FOR YOU THIS WEEK!
THE ALMOST SKULL DRAGGING, MONKEY SEE MONKEY DO, AND WHY I AM THE MYSPACE JESUS AGAIN!
Category: MySpace
OKAY FIRST THINGS FIRST FUCKERS! I AM THE MYSPACE JESUS AGAIN, WHY? BECAUSE YOU NEED SOMEONE TO DELIVER YOU FROM THE PISS POOR BLOGGING! THAT IS IF BLOGS FUCKING WORKED LATELY! FUCK TOM COULD YOU GET THAT CRACK SQUAD OF I.T. GURU'S LOOKING INTO WHY YOUR FUCKING SITE ONLY WORKS HALF THE TIME
(ACTUAL MYSPACE HELPDESK PERSONAL HARD AT WORK FIXING SERVERS IN TOM'S MOM'S BASEMENT)
SO COQUETO WAS THE GUEST ON BAD LISA'S TALK SHOW LAST NIGHT IN A MOVE THAT I CAN ONLY CHARACTERIZE AS BORDERLINE INSANE. WHY WOULD SWEET LITTLE COQUETO GO ON THE SOUL SUCKER BAD LISA'S SHOW TO FACE WHAT COULD ONLY BE DESCRIBED AS A BATTLESHIP ARTILLARY ASSAULT OF POTIENTIAL INSULTS AND PERSONAL QUESTIONS? WHAT WAS HE LOOKING TO ACCOMPLISH WITH THIS MOVE? DID HE THINK HE WOULD BEFRIEND EVERYONE AND MAKE THEM REALIZE WE REALLY LOVE COQUETO AND WANT TO LOVE HIM? DID HE THINK HE WOULD CHANGE OUR PERCEPTION OF HIM AS THE SLIMY USED CAR SALESMAN BACKSLIDER TYPE ? WHO KNOWS?
HE DID PROVE HIMSELF THE MASTER OF DODGING HARD QUESTIONS ABOUT HIMSELF. QUESTIONS THAT WERE FOCUSED TO EXPOSE THAT THE SHINEY GOOD GUY SWEET CHRISTIAN BOY NEXT DOOR IMAGE HE PORTRAITS ON MYSPACE COULD BE A TOTAL FACADE. HOW DID HE DO THAT? WAS IT HIS QUICK WITT? MAYBE HIS SHARP MIND? LIKELY IT WAS THE FACT THAT AS TOUGH AS LISA IS, SHE LOVES KIDS AND IF COQUETO HAD ONE THING, HE HAD THE VOICE OF AN 8 YEAR OLD GIRL...
8 YEAR OLD GIRL!!!!! A CLEAR SHOCK TO EVERYONE INVOLVED WAS THAT COQUETO HAD A VOICE SOFTER THAN A VIRGINAL SCHOOL GIRL FROM IOWA. I HAVEN'T DATED A GIRL WITH A VOICE THAT SWEET SINCE I WAS 14. BUT THE TYPES OF GIRLS I DATE ARE REALLY NOT KNOWN FOR THEIR SOFTER SIDES
(CAN I TECHINCALLY DATE A CHINESE HOOKER? LOVE YOU LING LING**NOTE SHE IS A HOOKER FOR JESUS CHRIST, SEE THE CROSS**)
COQUETO WAS CAT LIKE IN DODGING ACCUSATIONS OF AFFAIRS WITH MARRIED WOMEN, USING HIS SENSITIVE GUY PERSONA TO PREY UPON EMOTIONALLY WEAK READERS OF HIS BLOG AND ACCUSATIONS OF HIM MOCKING THE FEMALE JUDGE THAT BROUGHT HIM TO JUSTICE OVER A DEBT OWED HIS WIFE FOR CHILD SUPPORT. TO HIS CREDIT HE DID HAVE SOME PEOPLE CALL IN AND SUPPORT HIM. ONE WAS A READER OF HIS BLOG WHO IN ABOUT 10,459,111,210 WORDS TOLD US THAT COQUETO HAD HELPED HER FIND A CHURCH IN THEIR AREA THAT WOULD ACCEPT A SINGLE MOM (I THINK, I MAY HAVE BLACKED OUT ON WHISKEY OR BEEN MASTURBATING TO PICTURES OF VARIOUS MYSPACE GIRLS BY THEN). I DID NOT CATCH HER NAME AND AM NOT SURE WHO SHE WAS BUT FROM THE SOUND OF HER VOICE AND THE WAY SHE EXPRESSED HERSELF I WILL IDENTIFY HER WITH THIS RANDOM PICTURE FOUND ON THE WEB:
DON'T LOOK IN THOSE EYES SHE WILL STEAL YOUR COQUETOS!!!!
HE ALSO HAD HIS FRIEND AND SEEMING PAROLE OFFICER PASTOR HOWIE CALL IN AND SPEAK UP FOR HIM. A MAN WHO I DON'T KNOW MUCH OF OTHER THAN HE POST MANY PICTURES OF HIMSELF THAT RANGE FROM THE YEARS 1977-2008 AND HE REALLY DIGS JESUS AND COQUETO. ALL POKING AT COQUETO TO THE SIDE, AND HERE IS WHERE I WILL BE FAIR AND BALANCED JUST LIKE THAT COCK NOSE BILL O REILLY
(ACTUALLY COCK NOSE)
COQUETO SHOWED SOME BALLS, IF NOT A LOVE OF EMOTIONAL SELF MUTILATION, BY GETTING ON LISA'S SHOW. I DON'T THINK HE DID ANYTIHNG FOR HIS IMAGE MORE THAN OPEN UP MANY MORE QUESTIONS ABOUT HIMSELF AND RAISE A FEW EYE BROWS WITH PROCLAMATIONS ABOUT HIS MYSPACE PERSONA BEING JUST THAT, A PERSONA (SO HE'S NOT THAT NICE SWEET CHRISTIAN THAT HE SOLD HOWIE ON?) BUT HE DID IT. SO .25 KUDOS TO YOU, COQUETO, FOR DOING THE SHOW. YOU GAVE ME A NIGHT THAT WAS MORE ENTERTAINING THAN THE FIRST TIME I SAW THIS:
(THIS PICTURE MAKES ME LAUGH TILL I PISS OUT THE WINDOW ONTO THE NEIGHBORS OPEN GRILL)
I HAD SOMETHING IN THE TITLE ABOUT MONKEYS! OH YEAH, DID YOU SEE THAT SHIRTLESS JOHN CLAIMS HE WAS PLAGARIZED? YEAH, I HAD TO CHECK THIS OUT FOR MYSELF. IF IT WERE TRUE IT WOULD LIKELY MEAN THE END WAS NEAR AND THE BIG PIG FROM THE PINK FLOYD MOVIE WAS COMING TO GET US ALL! AT THE VERY LEAST IT MEANT THAT A GENERATION EDUCATED STRICTLY ON TELEVISION AND THE AMERICAN SCHOOL SYSTEM HAD FINALLY CAUGHT UP TO US ALL AND SHIRTLESS JOHN WAS THE TYPE OF GUY THEY WANTED TO COPY!
SURELY THIS WAS A JOKE! MAYBE JOHN WAS CONFUSED, I AM SURE THIS HAPPENS OFTEN. LIKE WHEN HE TAKES A TRANNY HOME FROM THE BAR INSTEAD OF A GIRL AND AN HOUR INTO SEX REALIZES HIS MISTAKE, HAS TO BREAK HIS NECK AND HIDE THE BODY IN THE BASEMENT OF THE SPLIT LEVEL RANCH HE HAS UP FOR SALE ON THE WEST SIDE OF TOWN. THESE THINGS HAPPEN, IT IS OKAY, YOU SUCK IT UP AND DEAL WITH IT. TAKE SOME CREEPY STRANGLY LIT PICS IN YOUR GRANDDAD'S OLD BOXERS AND POST THEM ON MYSPACE SO THE LONELY HORNY OLDER CROWD WILL STROKE YOUR EGO. ALAS, IT WAS TRUE, JOHN HAD BEEN PLAGARIZED!
THAT'S IT, CLEAR THE BASEMENT CRABBY! I AM MOVING TO CANADA! I WILL STAY THERE TILL THE STUPIDS TAKE THAT COUNTRY OVER TOO,(DON'T GIVE YOURSELVES MUCH CREDIT, ITS GOING TO HAPPEN QUICKLY CANADA) AND THEN HEAD NORTH. MAYBE GREENLAND OR ICELAND. I THINK THE WOMEN ARE HOT THERE AND ONE OF THEM IS ONLY KIND OF FUCKIAMGOINGTODIE COLD.
WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU STEAL FROM SHIRTLESS JOHN? WHAT KIND OF FUCKTARD MORONIC FREAK WOULD DO THIS?
THIS ONE..
THAT IS THE EMPTY STARE OF DESPIRATION! THE KIND OF DESPIRATION THAT READS A SHIRTLESS JOHN BLOG AND DECIDES HE IS GOING TO STEAL IT AND CLAIM IT HIS OWN!
THE CREDENCE ARE BREEDING!
WHATELSE WENT ON LAST NIGHT? I MADE FREINDS WITH PRINCESS STACEY AND HER MAGNIFICANT COLLECTION OF DRESS UP PHOTOS LAST NIGHT. SHE DIDNT' LIKE THAT I ASKED HER ABOUT HER SEX LIFE WITH BASIL AND DECIDED TO INSULT THE GREAT OZ! NOW IF YOU ASK ME AND YOU WILL, THIS IS AN EXAMPLE OF A MYSPACE BOTTOM FEEDER WHO WILL VERBIALLY RIM JOB EVERYONE FROM LISA TO STEPHANIE AND JABS TO BASIL MAKING ALL STOPS INBETWEEN TO PUSH HER BLOG, TALK SHOW AND WHATEVER ELSE SHE CAN TO TRY AND GET SOMEONE TO NOTICE HER BULLSHIT AND PAY HER LONELY DEPRESS ASS SOME ATTENTION! IF SHE CAN'T TAKE A LUMP OR TWO AND SOME PICKING ABOUT HER FRIENDSHIP WITH BASIL THEN SHE BETTER NOT CLIMB NOT A SHIT STORM LIKE A BAD LISA CHAT ROOM.
I AM GOING TO GET ON MY HIGH HORSE ON THE "DATING GENRE" BLOGGER! THERE ARE WAY TOO MANY WOMEN ON HERE DOING A BAD JOB OF CHEAPLY IMPERSONATING A SEX IN THE CITY CHARACTER! I AM NOT SAYING THESE PEOPLE SHOULD NOT WRITE BLOGS, I AM SAYING STOP ACTING LIKE YOU ARE WRITING THE MOST ORIGINAL SHIT IN THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD! DON'T BUG ME AND THE REST OF THE WORLD TO LISTEN TO YOUR BULLSHIT SHOW OR READ YOUR BLOG ABOUT HOW YOU FUCKED AND DUMPED SOME GUY WHO WAS PROBABLY A DORK TO BEGIN WITH WHEN WE HAVE HEARD AND SEEN IT ALL A MILLION TIMES ALL OVER MYSPACE (AND MORE OVER IN FICTION)! WE ARE ALL SO IMPRESSED WHEN AN INSECURE PAST HER PRIME WOMAN ON THE DOWNWARD SLOAP OF THE UPWARD AGE CURVE BRAGS ABOUT BRINGING DOWN THE EGO OF SOME HOT STRONG MAN.
FIRST, LET'S SET ALL THIS SHIT IN REALITY. HALF OF THE WOMEN WHO WRITE THESE BLOGS NEVER LEAVE MYSPACE. IF THEY ACTUALLY WENT TO THEIR CLOSET AND STRETCHED ON WHATEVER 7 YEAR OLD FASHION THEY HAVE IN THERE
(BAD TIGHT) (GOOD TIGHT)
(I NEED A MOMENT TO REFLECT ON THE LAST IMAGE, YOU MAY ALSO NEED THE SAME. IF SO PLEASE TAKE THIS TIME TO ENJOY THIS WORK OF ART BROUGHT YOU BY THE GREAT CITY OF OZ)
THEY WOULDN'T KNOW WHERE TO FIND A "CLUB" MUCH LESS BE ABLE TO GET INTO IT. NOW, IF THEY GET IN AND THEY MAY BECAUSE MOST OF THE WOMEN BLOGGING ON HERE ABOUT THEIR ABILITY TO HOOK UP AND THEIR EXPERTESE ON DATING LIVE SOME GLAMOURS PLACES(FUCK IT MOST OF THE MEN TOO , MONROE, LOUISIANA ANYONE? WAIT, THAT GUY WILL BE A WHOLE OTHER BLOG!) WHERE THEY ARE KNOWN TO REALLY VELVET ROPE THE BARS AND KEEP THE BULLSHIT OUT! (THAT'S SARCASM FOR YOU KIDS THAT CAN'T SMELL IT)
DO YOU REALLY THINK THEY ARE TAKING HOME THE ACE IN THE HOLE HOT GUY THAT IS NORMALLY PLAYING THE FIELD FOR THAT HOT GIRL TO CALL HIS OWN. THAT SUCCESSFUL LAWYER/DOCTOR/ENTREPRENEUR? DO YOU THINK HE LOOKS LIKE MR. BIG?
COMETHEFUCKON! WHEN I READ THESE BLOGS IF I BUY FOR ONE SECOND THAT THEIR ACCOUNT OF HOOKING UP WITH AND DISCARDING OF ONE OF THESE "HOT GUYS" GUYS LIKE A 56 HOUR OLD TAMPOON INTO THE OVERFILLED TRASH CAN OF THE IN AND OUT BURGER AT 6AM I THINK LESS ABOUT THEM HAVING BANGED "MR. BIG" AND MORE ABOUT...
OZ HAS BEEN DETAINED IN NOSE PICKING NIRVANA!!
Category: MySpace
WHERE IS OZ? I AM IN NIRVANA, NOSE PICKING NIRVANA.
YOU KNOW THE KIND OF NIRVANA THAT YOU SEE PEOPLE WHO ARE IN PUBLIC WITH THEIR FINGER ZEROING IN ON A GREEN GOBLIN THAT IS IN THAT SPOT THAT FEELS BETTER THAN A BITE FREE BLOW JOB?
THEY ZONE OUT, THEY DIG DEEP AND HARD AND PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE PEOPLE AROUND THEM. THE KEY TO THIS TYPE OF NIRVANA? NO EYE CONTACT! IF THEY CAN'T SEE YOU THEN YOU ARE INVISIBLE!
I AM IN THAT ZONE, I AM INVISIBLE AND DIGGING INTO THE HOLES ON MY BODY AND I LIKE IT!
I AM ACTUALLY LYING; MY ONLINE TIME IS GROSSLY LIMITED. I HAVE A NEW DISTRACTION, WELL I DON'T CHOOSE IT. IT IS KIND OF FORCED, BUT MY JOB IN IT COULD BE THE MOST IMPORTANT THING I HAVE EVER DONE FOR MYSPACE AND THE LIFE OF SOMEONE WHO DOES NOT KNOW THEY ARE GOING TO DIE OR TRY TO DIE. THAT'S RIGHT, I AM IN THE BUFORD COUNTY STATE PENN JUST OUTSIDE OF DENVER, COLORADO WITH MY CELL MATE AND SOON TO BE LIFE PARTNER COQUETO!
IT SEEMS COQUETO HAD SOME FINANCIAL PROBLEMS THAT LANDED HIM IN THE JAIL HOUSE AND I HAD TO DO TIME FOR THAT WHOLE "MIDGET FUCKING DONKEY FIST FIESTA" MOVIE THAT I DISTRIBUTED VIA EBAY. GOOD THING IS THAT WE AIN'T GOT MUCH, BUT WE GOT EACH OTHER.
REALLY ISN'T SO BAD, I MEAN WE GET THREE MEALS ADAY, A WARDROBE OF COMFORTABLE CLOTHING AND THEY HAVE A WII! AND THERE IS LOTS OF SEX, JUST NOT LIKE I'M USE TO. I CAN"T TALK ABOUT IT!
OKAY, I HAVE TO GO NOW. IT IS NEARLY TIME FOR OUR DAILY BEATING AND RAPING WITH NIGHT STICKS BY THE PISSED OFF GUARDS WHO ARE EMPLOYED BY HALIBURTON!
CAPTCHA IS THE BANE OF MY EXISTANCE! HILLARY CLINTON, SCARY BITCH! I AM GLAD KOBE AIN’T RAPE’N
Category: MySpace
I HAVE TO ADMIT TO THE GREAT PEOPLE OF OZ THAT I HAVE A HANDICAP. NO, IT'S NOT MY GIGANTIC BALLS! NO, IT'S NOT MY STRANGE AND DISTRACTING DESIRE TO HAVE A SMALL MIDGET FRIEND WHO DRESSES LIKE ME AND DOES MAN DUTY IN MY OWN LITTLE FANTASY ISLAND!
NO, MY HANDICAP IS SERIOUS AND MAY COST YOU AND I OUR MYSPACE FRIENDSHIP (BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW THAT MYSPACE FRIENDSHIPS ARE REAL! FUCKING REAL!)
MY HANDICAP IS...SNIFF...I CAN'T DO CAPTCHA! DO YOU KNOW WHAT A PAIN IN THE FUCKING ASS IT IS WHEN I DECIDED TO BE NICE AND RESPOND TO A COMMENT OR TRY TO TALK ONE OF MY FEMALE READERS INTO SENDING JUST ONE BOOB SHOOT AND I HAVE TO DO THAT CAPTCHA SHIT! EVER USE YOUR IPHONE TO SEND A MYSPACE NOTE AND HAVE TO DO CAPTCHA! FUCK YOU STEVE JOBS AND FUCK YOU TOM, YOU DIRT COCK MONKEY!
WHAT IS CAPTCHA? IT'S THAT SWIGGLY LETTER HELL TOOL THAT TOM GIVES PARANOID FUCKERS WHO DON'T WANT TO GET SPAM! SOME PEOPLE HAVE IT SO IF YOU LEAVE ANYTHING ON THEIR PAGE YOU HAVE TO DO THIS SHIT. THE WORST PART, IT DOESN'T WORK HALF THE TIME...Z'S LOOK LIKE N'S AND SOMETIMES IT JUST JUMBLES THE FUCKING LETTERS LIKE THIS:
SO STAND ON NOTICE, THE MIGHTY OZ IS TOO GREAT AND POWERFUL (AKA STUPID) TO DEAL WITH CAPTCHA. I HAVE HARD ENOUGH TIME TYPING WHEN I AM BELTED ON SIX JOHNNY WALKER BLACK'S AND WHIPPITS, I DON'T NEED THIS STRESS IN MY HEAD.
THOUGH THE OTHER DAY I GOT A CAPTCHA THAT I SWEAR HAD TEH FACE OF JESUS IN IT.
HEY, ANYBODY NOTICE THAT HILLARY MAYBE FUCKING CRAZY? DO YOU REALLY WANT THIS WOMAN SITTING DOWN WITH LEADERS OF OTHER COUNTRY'S TO NEGOTIATE OUR FUTURES?
SO LET'S TALK SPORTS, I AM GOING TO MAKE THE CALL. LAKERS VS. CELTICS IN THE FINALS. LAKERS TAKE IT IN GAME SEVEN.
SIGNS YOU ARE ADDICTED TO MYSPACE AND HOW TO TELL IF YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS CHEATING ON YOU WITH OZ
Category: MySpace
HERE IS A LIST YOU MUST SEE:
YOU ARE ADDICTED IF: - KNOW YOUR POSITION ON ALL YOUR FRIENDS LIST AND WHINE LIKE A WET WHORE WHEN THEY MOVE YOU DOWN -HAVE MENTIONED MYSPACE TO YOUR THERAPIST, ESPECIALLY HOW IT FEELS WHEN YOUR FRIENDS LOWER THEIR LIST -HAVE A CELL PHONE WITH 277 PICTURE AND 274 OF THEM ARE YOUR FACE SHOTS (OTHER 3, STOCK PHOTO OF FLOWER THAT COMES ON PHONE, A MISS SHOT OF YOUR CAR CEILING WHEN YOU ALMOST HIT THAT FUCKING BMW MINI, YOUR BOOB OR COCK SHOT) -HAVE CONTEMPLATED A BALLS GIRL PHOTO -HAVE CONTEMPLATED GETTING YOUR GIRLFRIEND TO DO A BALLS GIRL PHOTO -NEVER MENTION MYSPACE TO YOUR "REGULAR" FRIENDS BECAUSE THEY JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND IT THE WAY YOU DO -GET REPREMANDED AT WORK FOR TOO MUCH MYSPACE -LAST ARGUMENT YOU HAD WAS WITH A MYSPACER OVER MYSPACE -YOUR KIDS HATE YOU -THE PERSON YOUR DATING DISAPPEARED AND YOU DON'T CARE, IT WAS YOUR HIGHEST READ BLOG -YOUR NAME IS STEPHANIE AND THE LAST SIGN YOU ARE ADDICTED TO MYSPACE... -IT DOESN'T BOTHER YOU THAT YOU HAVE A BOOB OR COCK SHOT ON YOUR PHONE, APPEARS TO BE PERFECTLY NORMAL TO YOU
AND MY LAST BIT OF KNOWLEDGE, I WILL TELL YOU HOW TO FIGURE OUT IF YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS FUCKING ME!
CHECK HER MOUTH
IF IT'S ON MY COCK THEN YEP, SHE'S A DIRTY CHEATING WHORE WHO SUCKS CLOWN COCK! DUMP THAT TIZZY AND LET'S GET A BEER.
I GOT OWNED! I WANT A DATE TOO! I THINK THE BUTLER DID IT!
Category: MySpace
BUYING AND SELLING! BUYING AND SELLING! I HAVE NOT BEEN BOUGHT AND SOLD SO MUCH SINCE THAT YEAR IN THAILAND WHEN I WAS 15!
JESUS TOM THIS IS A REAL FUCKING MESS YOU HAVE STARTED. THE MIGHT OZ LOGS IN AFTER HIS MUCH NEEDED BREAK FROM BLOGGING AND THINGS INTERNET AND I SEE YOU HAVE STARTED THE EQUIVALENT OF MYSPACE PROSTITUTION! LIKE YOUR FRIENDS? OWN THEM AND PUT YOUR WORDS ON THEM! I AM HAPPY TO BE WORTH A LITTLE CASH, IF ANYONE WANTS TO GIVE REAL MONEY FOR ME THE GREAT OZ MIGHT TAKE IT AS LONG IS IT DIDN'T INVOLVED A GROUP OF NUDE 250 POUND 4O SOMETHING YEAR OLD MEN IN LEATHER VEST AND BANANA HAMMOCKS.
SO WHAT HAS BEEN UP IN MYSPACE LAND? THE GREAT OZ HEARS ALL SEES ALL KNOWS ALL
DID YOU KNOW THAT A TOP RANKED MYSPACE BLOGGER LISTED HIS PROFILE FOR SALE ON EBAY? OKAY SO A PROFILE THAT IS SUPPOSE TO BE ABOUT YOU ACTUALLY GAINS SOME FINANCIAL VALUE ON EBAY? UNDERSTANDING I COULD SELL FREEZE DRIED SHIT (DONE IT TWICE) ON EBAY FOR $5 BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE FUCKING CRAZY, BUT COME ON...A MYSPACE PROFILE?
THAT IS RIGHT, DAN GENTLEMAN OF LEISURE HAD HIS PROFILE UP ON EBAY! I GUESS THIS IS A VIOLATION OF MYSPACE TERMS BECAUSE THAT VERY DAY DAN DISAPPEARED! I THINK HE IS BACK, BUT HE IS KIND OF LIKE THE YETTI OR RUDY GULIANNI, HE ONLY APPEARS TO HUNTERS AND BEARDED SCIENTIST FROM PORTLAND!
JABS IS HAVING THE MYSPACE VERSION OF "ROCK OF LOVE"! SO NOT ONLY DO WE HAVE TO WATCH THIS CAVEMAN BANG EVERY 20 SOMETHING THAT STUMBLES INTO HIS BLOG, BUT NOW WE HAVE TO PICK HIS NEXT VICTIM? WILL THIS END UP LIKE THE SCHINDLER'S LIST OF DATING? THIS IS WHAT EVERYONE WANTS TO DO IS HELP THIS BIG FUCKING DAYGO GET EVEN MORE ASS! SO I AM CALLING THE BLUFF, I AM IN! THAT'S RIGHT, I THINK OZ SHOULD GET A DATE WITH JABS!
WHAT ARE ALL THESE MYSPACE APPLICATIONS? THIS SHIT IS SO CONFUSING! WHAT'S WRONG TOM, OUT OF IDEAS AND TALENT SO YOU ARE OPEN SOURCING YOUR CRAPPY CODE?
SO WE HAVEN'T ALL DONE ANYTHING FUN IN A WHILE. AND FUCK IT, IF YOUR COMING TO OZ AND WATCHING MIDGETS WHILE HIGH ON POPPY'S YOU CAN ONLY THINK ONE THING, F.U.N.!
OZ HAS A FEW BLOGS COMING UP, BUT I HAVE A CHALLENGE FOR ALL THE CITIZENS OF OZ! SEE OZ HATES MOST EVERYBODY! PEOPLE REALLY BUG HIM! I SEEM TO LIKE ALL YOU FUCKERS AND I WANT TO FIGURE OUT WHAT I WOULD DISLIKE ABOUT YOU IF WE WERE TO MEET!
SO MY CHALLENGE! WRITE A BLOG ABOUT WHY THE MIGHT OZ WOULD HATE YOU?
I WANT TO KNOW ABOUT HOW YOU SMELL YOUR HAND AFTER YOU PEE, HOW YOU TALK WITH YOUR MOUTH OPEN, ABOUT THE ODD SCENT THAT COMES OFF YOUR BACK, WHAT.FUCKING.EVER!
