12:04 AM - A Sci-Fi poem for R.Senal and Ravin...
Current mood: worried
Category: Writing and Poetry

Sorry I couldn't go out with something profound, but we may be losing our electricity tomorrow (today) so if you don't hear from me for a while... I'm going out as a friend! 

Number 1 make it so
And a ride in the Tardus just in time
Half black, half white, half white and half black
Captain Jack is dead again, but he's coming back
Gwen would be hot if it wasn't for that gap in her teeth
And as for Galactica, I'll go campy and take Loren Green
Darth Vader, Darth Maul, and fuck the fucking ewoks
Incestial kiss between Luke and Leiha, a wookie's wet dream
Where's Al, Oh boy... Backula's in drag again...
Lt. Ford, and an android... one blind, the other unable to see
That being human isn't about flesh and blood
But is the meaning of which we think, and we dream
It's our soul, and you can ask Captain, Major, and Col. Carter
Depending on when you ask, and what season you watch
Because an Amanda Tapping smile and those blue eyes
Will beat any Bay watch Bitch 10 to 1 faster than an Azgard Beam
So it's with Warp speed, and with Mach 10
The Truth is Out There, way the fuck out there
That I bid you good night.  Because here in the Twiglight Zone
Rod Sterling's ghost washes my dishes
and Leonard Nemoy mows my lawn
May the force be with you... and may you all ascend
And don't let me set foot on the moons of Naboo
or Natlie Portman will need a paternity test
Because odds are that Luke and Leiha would have been mine!

Currently watching : Stargate Atlantis - The Complete Fourth Season Release date: 2008-07-08

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4:59 AM - Open Mic: An Early HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO JAMES CHRISTOPHER WRIGHT
Current mood: blessed
Category: Writing and Poetry

Barring my wife, and my children there is no person on this earth who means more to me than James Wright.  We have been friends since 1992 when I may have saved his life from a drunken incident in which the novice drinker drank far too much with our mutual friend Chad Culbert (who introduced us, and whom we carried to his grave together bonding us as brothers)...  James passed out, and hit his head on the floor and then on the door when Chad accidentally opened it too far cutting James' head open, and it was me who grabbed a towel and put it around James head while he was lying their bleeding.  Oh the good old days of drinking Jim Beam and Jack Daniels by the liter, and thinking we were all going to be rock stars.  Chad was the singer, James the Guitar player me, the manager, and the song writer...  Cary was going to be the bass player... all we needed was a drummer, and the world was ours... Then Chad got kicked out of college for drinking too much and not showing up for class.  We should have forced him to rehab, or I should have stepped in as his best friend, but I was too far gone to be a good help...  James stayed in school, and thrived after Chad was gone.  James and I were already friends, and became closer friends even after I ran out of money, and all of my brain cells were drowning in Whiskey... 

So much so that he is Uncle James to my children.   He is known on stage as EDDIE thanks to a special needs gentleman from the cafiteria at the Gage Tower in college... who called everyone Eddie (according to legend)... he was in my wedding,  and he is one of Garrett's Godfather's...  He will be 35 on the 16th, and to celebrate our friendship...  I'm posting the lyrics to a song that we came up with one drunken Saturday night in 1993.  I don't know how to make a tape into an MP3, so you just get the lyrics (but I did a drunken horrible rendition... as James played, I made these lyrics up on the spot:

Currently watching : Stargate Atlantis - The Complete Fourth Season Release date: 2008-07-08

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4:59 AM - Is Giving In Giving Up?
Current mood: worried
Category: Life

It's 7am, and I checked my balance sheet.  I crossed it over twice, and there is no way that Alisa and I can keep this house.  We are behind by too much money, too many other bills, and I made the mistake of sending my rebate check to the mortgage company thinking I could make the magic happen.

Magic is a lie.  It's a myth, and the painful truth is that I failed my family, and I failed this house.  I should have done this, I could have done that, but I didn't, and what I did do didn't pay off.

I'm going to be dead honest.  I'm glad I hate guns because I'm depressed right now.  I mean I feel it in my stomach, and I'm feeling it in my heart...  Now I say that, but I don't want to put extra fear and stress in anyone's lives... I'm a writer, I write.  I am an emotional writer and I bare my feelings, and my soul with you guys... just because I say something like that doesn't mean I'd ever or I could ever do something like that.  It's the one thing that makes me different than so many others in my situation.  I could never harm myself like that. 

I promised myself 100 years or die trying...  so giving in to reality to me I hope isn't just another form of giving up.

I know for a fact that once my business gets paid from the insurance company it will be able to 100% pay for itself... so that's huge. 

I want to find more positives, but right now I'm the big negative.  A few of my readers have noticed that my writing has gone really dark. 

I am sorry that I let you guys down.  I always try to be here for everyone else to cheer them up, and be there for them, and that's what I would tell myself atleast, but in my heart you guys would cheer me up... you would make me feel better, and stronger.  I was reaching out as much if not more than I was lifting up... 

Lately all I've been doing is whining, and crying, and whining some more, and while I suppose that is part of my style agian dealing with emotions, and feeding off of my own more than others... it's unacceptable as a friend, and as a writer for me to continue to whine and complain.

Now I am going to go back to bed... back to sleep... and I'm going to try and dream a way out of this with a beautiful happy ending, but I have a diseased mind and I'm living in a diseased time...  So I probably will just lay their and cry for a while...  hopefully that will be cleansing. 

My son is at his summer camp thing that he goes to every day this month, and my daughter and my wife are still asleep I would like to get this shit out of me so when I tell Alisa I can be as supportive and more so accountable for this decision than just a blubbery mass that use to be a man.

I've always had Mana from heaven when we were in dire straits before... this time my stomach's empty and my soul is hurting. 

God, if you're listening... just let me get some sleep so my mind can be straight, and ok so I can make sound judgements, and figure out our next step.  Because I'm giving in to the reality, and not being stubborn and hurting my family and myself worse does not mean I'm giving up...

I just really don't know what else to do. 

I could have kept this private, and I should have probably kept this private, but if I went offline without anyone knowing why... I'd have some of my 2700 readers worry, and I can't have that.  I promise I will be safe, and my family will be safe... I just don't know how long we've got in the house before the power's turned off, and how long after that before the house itself is gone?

It's funny... I did find a way to end this with a positive. 

On my cd changer Eddie Vedder just came on singing I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES... the old Ramones song.  I'm going to go rest with that as my sign from above that maybe there is something I'm overlooking, and something I'm missing? 

I just want peace in my mind, and stability in my life... 

And when I say I'll be back... I mean it... I will be back... later today... I just need sleep.  So say a prayer, but don't freak out! 

If nothing else use this blog as an opportunity to learn.  Learn from my mistakes, and do better than me.  I am the weakest link in my chain.  I never thought I'd break, but I feel the stress.

swee dreams my friends.

BC Beneke

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4:59 AM - Guarding My Gate (until all are safe)
Current mood: peaceful
Category: Writing and Poetry

Guarding My Gate (until all are safe)

When I close my eyes…
My thoughts escape me
As I pray - my mind strays
Nightmares taste as much as feel
The bitter saltiness of hell
On my lips, in my throat
Broken, cracked, pictures of the past
With the darkest tomorrow
Ever to take shape

Lust & loss
Sprinkled with horrors of the soul
Moments that haunt
Safety just out of grasp
The sweet smell of sorrow
Overshadowed by the pungency of death

Those I've lost,
Those I stand to lose
As I watch them climb their distant hill
Wipe my brow resigned
It's not my time

My fingers tighten
In folded concentration
My teeth grit & grind
In an attempt to gain control

What's lost is found,
But the dead don't rest
And demons don't sleep
So as I close my eyes
I pray for peace

The quiet places filled with clutter
Beautiful isolation
I've yet to discover
Oh the memory of this
The depths of Hell – the emptiness
Forgive me my trespasses
For I can't forgive myself

Bring an angel to guide me
Take the burden of regret
Of afterthoughts & bitterness
Save my soul if only while I sleep
I pray the lord for I have promises to keep

Currently listening : Field Songs By Mark Lanegan Release date: 2001-05-08

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4:59 AM - Salesman...
Current mood: determined
Category: Life

I'm looking at selling some of my baseball cards

Selling my records...

And if anyone is interested in hand written, signed, and dated poetry... 

I have about 120,000 baseball cards, about 1000 football cards, and maybe 2000 basketball cards.  I don't have much in the way for quantity for Hockey, but I do have Gretzky cards from his 2nd,3rd, and 4th years... 

I have sets, from 80,81,82,83,84,85,86,87,88,89,90...  in Topps

81,82,85,86,87,88,89,90 in Donruss and an 82,84,85,86, 87,88, and 89 Fleer sets.  89,90,91,92,93,94 Upper Deck Sets

98 Donrus Preferred Set (I've never even seen another one)

99 Skybox Baseball,

1989,90,91,97,98,99,00,01,02,03,04 Bowman baseball card sets

as for singles.  I have every star card from 1975 to 1980, and most everything from 1980-2000.  PSA Griffeys, PSA Morneaus, Jeters, Arods...  Autographs from Mauer, Morneau, Guidry, Garnett rookies, an autographed basketball from Kevin Garnett and Stephon Marbury from Marbury's rookie season (the whole team signed the ball)...

Gartlan figurines, autographed baseballs from Juan Encarnacion, Paul Konerko, George Foster, and my first autograph ever from Will Clark.

Autographed plaques from Ron Guidry, and Ronnie Lott.  Numbered plaques.

I am keeping my Ted Williams, and my Roberto Clemente collections, but other than that... I'm willing to discuss it all...

Not sure what to ask for on my autographed poetry...

I've got about 200-300 records...  most of them are in rough shape thanks to Alisa's cat when we moved in with one another, but besides my KISS collection I have an amazing Sinatra collection that is in very good shape, Some Girls by The Rolling Stones (the banned version), 1st press (lousy shape) Jimi Hendrix Are You Experienced...

I also have an autographed Chris Isaak Poster, an autographed Faster Pussycat poster, and some autographed books... like the limited edition KISSTORY book that was signed, and numbered...

These items mean a lot to me, but not as much as my house, and my family.  I am trying to raise 4500 dollars.  Once I reach that amount, I'm stopping my sales because (I'd make a lousy Buddhist) I love my stuff.

I've worked hard for all of these things, (been lucky a few times for autographs, and things of that nature), and the randomness of baseball card packs...

Oh, I almost forgot... I have some collectors coins as well.

I'm mentioning it here first, but I will be putting these things on Ebay in the next week to 10 days.  If anyone is interested before hand... please let me know.

Thanks,

Brad Beneke

Currently listening : Eponymous By R.E.M. Release date: 1998-01-27

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4:59 AM - My 700th Blog: The 4th of July - dedicated to my Best Friend
Current mood: distraught
Category: Writing and Poetry

We all have a best friend. Now the characteristics of a best friend change from one person to the next, and we can have one, or even multiple friends that are like extensions of our selves. For me, James Wright, Tony James, and Brad Bressler are all like brothers to me. Darron Culbert is like a little brother to me, and my wife and I are as close as a couple can possibly be for being polar opposites on so many different things.

None of them however will ever be my BEST FRIEND that I've ever had. That belongs to a little kid that I met in the winter of 1980. My mom and I along with my little brother who was a baby just had to move into the Oak St. apartments. My neighbor there was an old man in his 80's by the name of Vince. This old man had a guy and his kid that would come by and visit him. I played checkers and chess against the little kid. The little kid usually beat me… it was very frustrating, but the kid was cool, and then we talked about baseball cards, and Atari games, and 15 years later he was my brother. My best friend I will ever have.

It's now 12:10am on July 4th. In about an hour and seven minutes it will mark the 13th anniversary of his death.

They talk about patriotism, and honor, and respect a lot when those words are thrown out they use to have more weight to them… now they are used as weapons to stop people from thinking, from speaking, from dreaming.

Chad can no longer dream, but he is asleep. Asleep forever thanks to a bad decision and terrible luck, and he never lived long enough to be my best man at my wedding, or to be the Godfather of my son, or my daughter. I didn't get to be the best man in his wedding, or the godfather of his children either. He never lived long enough to see those events happen.

I still visit his grave to this very day. His brother Darron is now my little brother, and his brother Brandon is my little brother. Darron is Alexandra's Godfather because I believe in honoring those I love. I believe in holding respect for those who are no longer with us, and that is why my friends are here for me now, and why I have decided to hold my 700th Blog until I could write this for him.

He was my heart, my soul, my rock, and my roll. He was everything to me. I didn't need a girlfriend… I had a best friend. I didn't need a high paying job, a career, a nice car, I didn't need anything to define who I was because he was there, and we defined our lives perfectly.

Thirteen years ago I was sitting on my couch with a chew in my mouth, and whiskey pouring down my throat. I'd a fresh pack of smokes for him, two 24pks and a liter and a half of Jack Daniels, and a pint of Jim Beam… Chad and I were going to party like rock stars…

And just like Jimi, Jim, Janis, Bon Scott, Shannon Hoon, and so many others throughout history Chad died too young.

That death will be on my conscience as I was the older brother. I was my brother's keeper, and I wasn't able to save him from himself.

ERASE by Chad Culbert
((A-minor, E-minor, C, G, D-sus2))

You seem to call but I won't answer
For all the things you've never done
All the time with you'se erasin
You can't say I'se the only one

You take this love that's been a wasting
It's a path that leads me into hell
And all the while I've been caught drinking
I'm not alone I'm with myself

You sit around but you can't
Feel the way that I did
Oh - it'd be better off dead

Where ya going come tomorrow
Lay it softly what's been said
I feel the hurt so now I'm bleeding
With all the words you never meant

I sit around but I can't
Feel the same as I did
Oh - it'd be better off dead

Guitar solo

You sit around but you can't
Feel the same as I did
Oh – it'd be better off dead

……….


On July 7th was his wake, I was planning how I was going to say goodbye… a gun in my mouth? Sleeping pills, pain pills, or was I going to follow him full throttle, and just drive into oblivion? An old friend that came out of nowhere saved my life that night when not even my mom wanted to give me a hug Bill came out of nowhere… drove all the way from Fargo to be there walked right in gave me a hug, and told me he got there as soon as he had heard. That hug saved my life. It allowed me to be a father, and a husband. It was knowing that someone cared about me that snapped me out of it.

I gave Chad's Eulogy the next day, and we had 20 friends or so gather to speak, and tell Chad Stories at the grave… we all buried trinkets of who we were in his grave with him… and then we all took a swig from a bottle of whiskey, and I handed the bottle to Darron, and I made him poor the rest over the grave so he knew never to let it get him too.

Of that group of people there are many that have fallen away, and we no longer speak, but Darron, Bressler, James, and I are still all very close. Shawn, and Carey are on the periphery, and Mark Latzke you piece of shit wherever you are… God have mercy on your soul for stealing from me, and stealing those tapes of Chad's from me. I hate you enough to kill your children just to make you suffer for what you did, but I won't and over the years I still pray that some day I can forgive you for taking those memories away from me.

Bill died a few years ago… at his funeral I went up for communion at the catholic church. I am not catholic, and I hadn't had communion in a long time one way or the other. I saved the wafer, and after the funeral, I ripped up a piece of sod over Chad's grave, and I placed that wafer there.

We all die alone, but we have to live together… and it's because of friends like Bill who no one ever counted on, and he came through out of the blue, and Chad who I spend my life protecting, and infecting with all my bad ideas, and not stopping his own bad ideas… It's because of them that I am the father that I am, the husband that I am, and the friend that I am to as many people as I can. Nothing will ever bring Chad back to me, but each time my writing brings a tear to your eye… each time that it makes you think, makes you laugh… every time I've gotten to hear those words THANK YOU… and for those rare occasions where I've received letters that said… your writing saved my life Mr. Beneke… your writing changed my life BC… Brad I don't know where I'd be without your words…

Every time I've ever heard those, and had those powerful statements rattle my bones, and chill my soul… each and every time you are thanking Chad as much as you are thanking me… You are thanking Bill, and my grandmother, and my grandfather, and all the people that I've had to bury over the years because without them… without the honor I take in HOLDING MY GHOSTS close to my heart… I'd never be able to write.

They are the reasons why I was able to master sadness, grief, and pain, but as I aged… they also gave me wisdom, perspective, and depth of character that allowed me room enough to laugh, and to smile, and to love.

STILL STANDING


You gave me pain, made me smile
Took my name in looming trial
Can't be innocent without denial
Drove to the edge… overturned
Flipped, kicked, really pissed
It shouldn't end like this
Can't be sure, don't know why
Took the throttle had to drive
Get away, hide from pain
Doesn't matter… loved you anyway
So the page is turned
Another lesson gone unlearned
No goodbye to the world
Was it your goal?
You shed no tears – we did too
We are left here without you
And sing the song with one last tear
All alone we all sit here
Can't say goodbye
There wasn't time
Left us here to wonder why
We say so much with nothing left
With one last swig we left the best
Tomorrow shall come… the sun will rise
But today my friend the tears are mine
Gone, not forgotten
The final show… a last ovation
We're still standing
In your devastation




This is not an Open Mic. Your job this weekend isn't to write to me. It's to write to your friends, and your family… it's to call your mom, your dad, your brothers, sisters, you children, whomever you have in your life that allowed you to get to where you are right now… and tell them you love them because tomorrow's not promised…

Chad was on his way to my house when he died. The night before he died I was so drunk that I blacked out half way between Mankato and St. Peter, and came to by the 7up Silo on 169, and had to run around to go back to St. Peter where I lived… I then blacked out and woke up at home. Safe and sound, and alive. I am not proud of that, I am not bragging about my drinking habits from those days, nor am I damning myself for Chad's death in any way other than vicariously, and as a bad influence who was also badly influenced…

Hug your kids, hold your wife… cuddle with your husband, call your mom… send an email to a friend you haven't talked to in years and tell them that you were just thinking of them…

I PROMISE A SMILE

I keep waiting for a call
But the phone is silent
I can't forget the face
Of my best friend
Even the way it was in the end
The radiant glow of your halo
Shines in the brightest innocence of white
Your memory drives me
To see that there is joy in life
I never knew what your demons were
But now you are free
And for that I promise a smile
It just might take a while
Because the shock you caused
Has been the greatest loss
Our time was relatively brief
But together we lived
To the fullest extent of life
For that I too promise a smile
And I promise my love
Until the day I die

Currently listening : Ten By Pearl Jam Release date: 1991-08-27

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8:41 AM - Open Mic: You’re going to love this poem edition!
Current mood: breezy
Category: Writing and Poetry

I was editing a couple of pieces last night to get my mind right, and all of a sudden this one hit me.  It's funny I stole a couple of lines from myself, but I think I'm allowed to do that, and if not... I hear by as GOD of my writing world... I declare myself forgiven of all of my sins against man, beast, and even the lowly creatures... the subhuman creatures like myself!

Now get ready to rock and roll with this kids because I don't care how much it hurts. 

"I'M BACK IN THE SADDLE AGAIN"

Poem Title:  POETIC LICENSE... A LICENSE FOR FUN!

Currently listening : Ballad of the Broken Seas By Isobel Campbell Release date: 2006-03-07

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4:59 AM - Redemption and Salvation (Garrett and Alexandra)
Current mood: blessed
Category: Writing and Poetry

I found my worth in your hugs
Found my value in the last 11 years
I wish I could be more on my own
But without the two of you
I'd be worthless, instead of priceless

My salvation and my redemption
My redemption and my salvation
Soon to be nine, and already eleven
My ego came crashing down
Twin towers of emotional fortitude

Mine have always been the sad eyes
The cold eyes looking back – always the past
But in the moments when I look down
I see them looking up, and smiling
The only way I fail is by not trying

Let's play catch he might say
And I find some way to avoid
She might say, can we go to the park
And I find some way to avoid
But I see the truth is that it's me they see

For better or worse I need to let it loose
Let it go, and grow and grow
Until I prove to myself that I'm worthy
Of redemption and salvation
Salvation and redemption

Why are they called that you might ask?
I didn't have a dad, I didn't have a chance
And that first time you see them smile
That first time you hear that baby laugh
That first I love you daddy is redemption

And as for salvation from damnation
I didn't get to be a kid, I don't remember smiling
So every time I see her smile I know I can too.
I helped make this beautiful sweet soul
It had to come from somewhere – something I didn't know

She is the smile I never knew
He is the son I wish I was
They are the sun and moon of my existence
As there mom is the air I breathe
Without those three, what value is in me?

So I sacrificed all my savings, all my stuff
Simply so I could be the best I could be just for me
But not so selfishly - They gave me strength
They gave me peace, they gave me everything
They are everything I need

Things are rocky, and the storm is at sea
I could give up, and give in to temptation
But I have my redemption and my salvation
So why would I give up trying, just to start dying
When in the end I would just fail by not trying

I am the shark that will not stop
I am the rope that calls you to hang on
If I let go, I can't blame the world
I have my son for Redemption
And Salvation is in the smile of a little girl

So while I'm scared of all of what could be lost
I know what I've always got
And as any man of religion can attest
When you have Redemption and Salvation
I'm already more than blessed.

I hold out my hand now and ask
Not just for me, but for them you see
Because my pride isn't so proud
When the bill pile abounds
Help me help them please

Currently listening : So Far, So Good...So What! By Megadeth Release date: 2004-07-27

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4:59 AM - NBA Mock Draft for Thursday Night
Category: Sports

First of all if anyone has any ideas, changes, discussion topics, or wants some information on any of these players please feel free.  I love sports talk.  Most of my friends on here are all writers, and poetry people so I'm sure this is going to be a dead blog for most of my normal readers, but I am being true to myself, and long before I knew how to write anything other than my name I was playing catch, learning how to run routes in football, and dribbling a basketball...:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

The numbers that are highlighted are the numbers of the picks that are owned by my Minnesota Timberwolves.

01. Rose 02. Beasley 03. Mayo 04. Bayless 05. Love 06. Gallinari 07. Randolph 08. Gordon 09. B.Lopez 10. Alexander 11. Jordan 12. Westbrook 13. Greene 14. Augistin 15. Arthur 16. McGee 17. Rush 18. Batum 19. Speights 20. R. Lopez 21. Koufos 22. Thompson 23. Hibbert 24. Ibaka 25. Hickerson 26. Douglas-Roberts 27. Ibaka 28. Anderson 29. Asik 30. Chalmers

31. Jawai 32. Walker 33. Ajinca 34. Hardin 35. Tomic 36. Forbes 37. Pekovic 38. DJ. White 39. Gordon 40. Dragic 41. Weems 42. Dorsey 43. Lee 44. Jefferson 45. Daniels 46. Hill 49. Neitzel 48. Gist 49. Hunter 50. Hendrix 51. Plaisted 52. Crawford 53. Giddens 54. Nelson 55. Taylor 56. Williams 57. Ewing Jr. 58. Foster 59. Weaver 60. Kaun

Those are not who I would take at those picks for the Wolves just my evaluation of the very best players available in the draft by talent. I would take Mayo 3rd, Chalmers 31st, and Pekovic 34th for the Wolves

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4:59 AM - George Carlin - Today the day it stopped being funny
Current mood: sad
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities

I listened to Carlin as a child.  Probably says something about me, and how I ended up who I am.  His work back then was so tight.  The comedic world revolved around Richard Pryor, and Carlin.  Everyone else was just a hack.  In these later years the degredation of society caused him to be a little less edgy, but no less funny.  The moral decay of the composition of humanity brought him back to the pack, and he still made others bow to his wit, his wisdom and his charm.

I was going to post a poem today about my children, but today with a tear in my eye for a man I looked up to.  I say goodbye to another hero.  Another role model, and a founding father of the last 40 years of comedy.

He always talked the absurd use of language in sports, and the things you couldn't get away with all while proving those were the things he was going to get paid for. 

George didn't need props, he didn't need the crowd to be funny, he was born a smart ass as he put it, and he was fortunate enough to get paid well to be who and what he was born to be.  God bless him for making me laugh for years.  God Bless him for making me think about things differently than the normal people, and most importantly for me God Bless him for making me feel like I wasn't just alone out there in some of my views.

He was an inspiration in a world that lost it's sense of humor with Reagan, and a beacon when the comedy clubs watered down acts just weren't funny.  And I thank him for being edgy and dark, and ironic while others were getting paid to drop as many F=Bombs as they could.  He and Lenny Bruce and Richard Pryor made it ok to swear during your act, but they didn't rely on it.  They had the chops to back it up. 

The world lost a reason to laugh today in a time when the world needs to laugh more.  George I miss you already.

Currently listening : Complaints and Grievances By George Carlin Release date: 2001-12-11

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4:59 AM - WEEKEND OPEN MIC: I didn’t realize it was Friday Edition.
Current mood: groggy
Category: Writing and Poetry

I don't have much else to say...

I've had my mind so tightly wrapped around other things... 

My cat is laying on my desk chair and has tried to scratch me 3 times when I try to take my chair back.

And I'm trying to finish by brand new baby for Colleen's show on Sunday.

Brad

Currently watching : Stargate SG-1 Season 7 (Thinpak) Release date: 2006-06-13

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11:33 PM - I will be on Blog Talk Radio Sunday June 22nd
Current mood: calm
Category: Writing and Poetry

I will be on the lovely Colleen Lue's program, and I will be taking care of it at about 3-4pm central time.  (I forget).

What I know for certain is that I will be debuting a brand new poem on the show, as well as sharing some of my personal favorites.

Here are the ones I am debating through right now.  Your opinions are always appreciated...

Valkyrie

  Less Than Beauty

Anything

The false epiphany of 1.14.04

Walking Through Midnight

The Fizzle of Comparison

It's Time To Say I'm Sorry

Innocence Lost

My First Love

Satan's Wish

So yeah those are the ones I'm looking at currently, but I'm not sure yet.  So let me know what you think.

Currently listening : Ani DiFranco: Live at Babeville Release date: 2008-04-01

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9:54 AM - My first Father’s Day remembered
Current mood: grateful
Category: Writing and Poetry

It was 1997, and we had the baptism of my son Garrett that day. It was amazing, and never duplicated.

James Wright and Brad Bressler were his co-godfathers/sponsors. They are like brothers to me, and I would travel the end of the freaking planet if I had to in order to make sure that they were ok.

And I could go into the long winded Brad style writing on this one, and maybe one day I will.

But after the Baptism we went out to eat, and I sat there holding Garrett, and I realized it was my first Father's Day as a father, and my birthfather was there so it was my first Father's day as a son, and my Grandfather was there.

I often sit back and look at the power of that day. The absolute majesty of that day and know that if heaven were to get to relive one day over and over again. It would be that day. Everyone I loved that was alive was there that day, my wife, my family, my two best friends in the entire world just became a part of my family, and are to this day 11 years later called Uncle James, and Uncle Bressler.

There has never been anything close to as amazing in my life since or before without TRAUMA. Garrett's birth stole 10 years from my life. Alisa's pregnancy with Alexandra another 2-3. Finding the courage to ask Alisa out, another 5 years gone. All the amazing concerts of my youth (probably a month per show removed from my life...

I get so serious, and I use to party like I was in a Hard Rock band in the 80's, and overall the middle has never been my place. Now with opening up a new business on one side, and the financial issues on the personal side... I wonder how long it will take to laugh about the stress I'm under now and equate a magic number of years to it.

They say no one gets to live forever, but to have son, father, grandfather, and great grandfather all together, to have my beautiful wife smiling, and my two best friends in the world by my side. I wouldn't trade that day... nor the anniversary of that day for anything in the world.

Damn it I had a tear just slide down my eye... that's usually a bad sign that more are to come. I miss my grandfather something fierce, and I'm worried about the immediate future, but my peace comes from knowing I had a day that I will put up against anyone else's day, and every bad day I've ever had and hopefully ever will have minus two will never come close to the power of this day for the GOOD! I know I've laid the foundation for a great future, but the stress of right now is so great that my foundation is being tested by emotional quakes.

So here's to the kid in my picture who never got to celebrate Father's Day, at least not until he became one himself 20 some years later. And here is to my son and my daughter, and especially to my beautiful wife Alisa because without mom's there wouldn't be a need for Father's Day.

BC Beneke

Currently listening : Murder Ballads By Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds Release date: 1996-02-20

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8:18 AM - Open Mic - Angels in our heart edition
Category: Writing and Poetry

It's hard to live and die every night
When I turn off the light, and say goodnight
I tried to pray, I tried to stay
But no one listens, no one hears
So I stay awake with years of tears
And fade away

Can't close my eyes to live my life
No I can't do that tonight
I've got so much I have to say
But no one listens anyways


To dream in black and white

Can't close my eyes to live my life
I've got to live in black and white
So in my dreams I'll escape this time
I'm going to live my life alive


Is it love or money, it can't be both
Gave my love a promise,
And took an oath
So if I brake my word I lose my soul
If I walk through that door
I can't go back no more

Can't close my eyes to live my life
I've got to live in black and white
So in my dreams I escape
Going to live my life awake this time
Yeah, I'm going to live my life alive

I refuse to use, refuse to lose
Now it's time to tell the truth
I've been living blind all my life
But tonight I open up my eyes
Shake my head and bide my time
I've got nothing more I have to prove

Can't close my eyes to live my life
I've got to live in black and white
So in my dreams I escape
Going to live my life awake this time
Yeah, I'm going to live my life alive

Open the window step on the gas
Tell this world to kiss my ass
It's time I take the ride of my life
So many lies so many miles
So many words to make you smile
Just the words I love you feel so right
Yeah I'm going to live my life alive
Can't close my eyes to live my life
I've got to live in black and white
So in my dreams I escape
Going to live my life awake this time
Yeah, I'm going to live my life alive

Currently listening : Snakehouse By The Cliks Release date: 2007-04-24

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