sad,grateful, weird
Current mood: grateful
Category: Life

I did something today that I never usually do. It wasn't heroic or athletic or great. It was something that millions of people do everyday. I watched Oprah. Usually, I can't watch her. FOr some reason, I just can't. But today, I did. TOday, I am glad that I did.

She had people who had suffered unbelievable tragedies on. I had spent the whole day running errands and dealing with life's daily bullshit and I sat down and turned on the t.v. and there was Oprah.

THere was a couple who had lost their daughter in adrunk driving accident. Only, they didn't just lose her. THey were riding in a limo after a wedding and a drunk driver hit them. THe mom, the dad, 2 little girls and the mom's parents. All of them were hurt. The mom then did something that I can not imagine EVER having to do or being able to do...............

AS she checked to make sure her children were ok, she found her older daughter's head. That's it just her head. Her 7 year old daughter's head. She had no idea where her body was just the head. SHe carried her baby's head out of the limo and sat there at the side of the higway cradling it, watching the rescue of the rest of her family. SHe held that little girls head as they searched for the body. Her whole family was returning from a wedding- a happy day- and now she was holding her child's head wondering if her loved ones would live. She kept that baby's head with her until the body was found an hour later.

This makes me feel so dumb. RIght before I turned on the tv I was mad at my kids for fighting about everything. THen I watched the show. Fighting?? seems like nothing now. I bet that mother would trade everything to hear her daughter fight with siblings. I bet she would take a million fights to erase the memory of sitting on the side of that highway. I thought today was so shitty and stressful until I saw that show.That show that is now burned into my brain as if I had to hold that girl's head myself. How horrible. A fight?? not cleaning their rooms?? Who gives a shit. Not that I want to forget all the rules but what if tomorrow is the day I lose one of them?

I gave them ice cream cones for dinner. We played on the trampoline and caught caterpillars.

I know people lose their children. I know people that have lost their children. I have grieved for them and with them and wondered how do they go on? FOr some reason, this story just kills me. I cannot take fights and bad days with them for granted. Those days with them are better than never having them again.

Everytime  they get on my nerves or aren't listening, I will think of that mother on the side of that highway, holding her child's head. I will think of that before I think of anything.

We might have ice cream cones for dinner tomorrow too. Who knows, we might make it a weekly thing.

7:04 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

everything changes
Current mood: depressed

If you just walked away
What could I really say?
Would it matter anyway?
Would it change how you feel?

I am the mess you chose
The closet you cannot close,
The devil in you I suppose
'Cause the wounds never heal.

[Chorus:]
But everything changes
If I could turn back the years
If you could learn to forgive me
Then I could learn to feel,

Sometimes the things I say
In moments of disarray
Succumbing to the games we play
To make sure that it's real.

[Chorus]

When it's just me and you.
Who knows what we could do.
If we can just make it through
The toughest part of the day.

[Chorus]

Stay here together
And we could
Conquer the world
If we could
Say that forever
Is more than just a word.

If you just walked away
What could I really say?
Would it matter anyway?.
It wouldn't change how you feel.

7:04 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

7 habits/weird things of highly unusual people
Category: Games

Each player of this games starts with "7 weird things / habits about you".  People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 7 weird things / habits as well as state this rule clearly.  At the end you need to choose 7 people to tagged and list their names. 

1. I love penguins.

2. I collect snowglobes. I have like 100

3 I cannot pee in a public bathroom unless i am about to wet my pants or am really drunk. I think they are so disgusting.

4 I want another baby but the kids i have stressme out.

5. i dont really like people but dont like to be alone either

6. I have to fall alseep with the fan and tv on.

7i don't like dogs but I have 2

Sarah

chris

Roberta

miranda

Angie

Leah

Dusti

10:07 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

This is me

It seems like yesterday that my world fell from the sky

It seems like yesterday I didn't know how hard I could cry
It feels like tomorrow I may not get by
But I will try
I will try
Wipe the tears from my eyes
I'm beautifully broken
And I don't mind if you know it
I'm beautifully broken

And I don't care if I show it
Everyday is a new day
I'm reminded of my past
Everytime there's another storm
I know that it won't last
Every moment I'm filled with hope 'cause I get another chance
But I will try
I will try

Got nothing
Left to hide
Without the highs and the lows
Where would we go
Where would we go

Beautifully Broken

By Ashlee Simpson

2:29 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

priorities
Current mood: thoughtful

I always had a "plan" for my life. I always thought things would "turn-out" a certain way for me. Needless to say, things have not turned out the way I thought - NOT EVEN CLOSE.

Sometimes, the smallest, most insignificant things can change you forever though. Things that you never even thought about before.

I used to worry what people thought about me or said about me. I tried to live my life and do things that would make people like me and want to hang around me. I did this even though I had great friends. Now, most of the time I look like hell. I say basically whatever I want, whenever I want. I am not here to impress anyone. My life is not a popularity contest.

I am no where close to living the life I thought I was going to live BUT if I had to choose that life or this one I would choose this one in a heartbeat.

I have a husband that loves me and supports me. I have 3 great kids who even though they get on my nerves sometimes, are healthy and happy and beautiful.

I also have "scarring" on my brain. Demylination I think was the word used in the reports. I have Multiple Sclerosis. I found out months ago but it took me a bit to adjust to the diagnosis. I am 30. I am a mom. I am too busy to have MS. I have friends that I love and things to do. I am too busy to have MS. I have MS.

I was watching my kids ride bikes today and was thinking "what if next year I am in a wheelchair?"There is no guarantee how long I will stay healthy- more or less. It could be 30 years, it could be 6 months. I definately feel the disease once in awhile. I am overall good though.

The whole situation just makes me think of the shitty things people( me included) did to each other back in the day. We wasted SO MUCH TIME. I like to think the mistakes I made helped me learn and grow as a person but some of that dumb shit just wasted valuable brain that I would kick someones ass to have now.

I might not be here in 10 or 20 years who knows but while I am here I am going to spend my time on positive things. I hope you do the same. Life is not something to take for granted. One day, you might go to the dr. thinking you have migraines and find out it is way worse. I am glad it is MS and not a tumor but just the same, nothing is guaranteed.

Love your babies. Love your spouses. The next time you get one of those cheesy emails about this same type of shit - PASS IT ON. Pass it on because this could be you. Pass it on, because you really might not get to again.

If you are reading this and you are one of the people that had something not so good happen because of me, I am sorry. Truly. If you are reading this and you are one of the friends that have been there for me, Thank you. I hope we can stay friends. You are all in my heart and my memories.

8:05 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment