(((((((((a pill-popping jukebox is all that you are))))))))

The Fratellis.

Too fucking catchy for their own good.

1:51 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

&

I have grown, I'm afraid.

Grown out of the tarnished sparkle of town life - people make me ill.
I long for the smell of grass, the shade of trees, the loyalty and comfort of large, stupid animals.
I'm tired of cunning, ruthless ape-men.
Catty, cut-throat ape-women.
I want simplicity.
Fresh air.
I want to keep my door unlocked, if I choose.
I want my grocery store to be in one, not-very-convienant location,
locally owned and operated by three generations of people that attended my church, went to my high school.
I want the nearest real "town" to be twenty minutes away.

I want to go home.



(if only for a moment)

2:19 PM - 3 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

(new poem)

The city
is a place
teeming
with disease,
addictions;
gaudy prostitutes
who cat-call you
from their
mountainous
chunk-heels;
painted lips,
shirts so low
you can see
their breasts
heave
when they laugh
at your
shitty jokes.

They work for tips,
you know.

2:17 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

*

Other human beings are complicated and menacing creatures that I have abandoned all hope on.

2:15 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

she turned around to look at me, as I was walkin' away....

You stay classy, San Diego.

(that was my tribute to Adam Hendrikson, who I miss dearly. But everytime I see him, I have to be somewhere else, so I can't stop and talk. I have to just walk by and wave. Sad.
I called him on St Patty's night....that was fun. He was in bed.)

3:22 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

(new poem)

Awaken
the ever-present
animal
in my core.

Fuck me
as
you would
a stranger -
from behind,
quick and urgent :
your hands
moving
up my skirt,
finding my
rosette;
simultaneously
caressing
and
biting
my neck.
There will be
time
for softness
later -
I want
you
now
with the
urgency
and fire
of a
savage.

Come find me.

Currently listening : At War with the Mystics By The Flaming Lips Release date: 04 April, 2006

2:41 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

********

i have no idea where that came from.

that was kind of long, and not well-organized.

this is why I usually write my blogs down on notebook paper, first.

Currently listening : The Crane Wife By The Decemberists Release date: 03 October, 2006

8:47 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

our lady of perpetual breakdown....

so, apparently - according to the indie rockers who share a generation with me - we're all dissatisfied, unhappy, bored with the mere act of breathing, and all going through some kind of quarter life crisis that usually involves some sort of horrible break up.
Or five.

"Your hair was long/when we first met.."

I shouldn't be playing this game. I know it. I need to feel safe. Hell, keep myself safe. I've realized I need myself a secretary to keep track of my shit, and a personal conscience...because I don't think I have one of those....
when I say 'personal conscience', what I mean is a person who tells me what is right and what is wrong in a situation. Of course, my friends do that now, and I don't do what they say. Maybe if I paid someone, though, I'd be more inclined.....yes, I need a fucking posse. What of it?

I should just move. Go somewhere. Dissappear, don't tell anyone (although I suppose just now qualifies), tell people my name is Nancy, and go to fuckign Morroco and live in the markets, smoke cigarettes, do nothing all day. Maybe write. Maybe paint. But mostly just watch people. Be a spectator, instead of a participant. I will make one friend, and it will be a he. Totally platonic relationship. And he will spend his days in my rented flat's bathtub, with no water in it, reading-smoking-writing, just as I do, only I do it on the living room floor, or the kitchen, where the light pours through the windows, making me warm; happy to be alive. And we will wear loose, flow-y clothes and go out into the streets at night, which are lit by stars, moon and tiny little white bulbs like christmas lights, that illuminate our faces simliar to candles. And we will dance and drink wine and sing songs so loud we go hoarse and smell the spicy air, becuase the markets are open-air markets, and the smell lingers through most of the night, even after everything closes down....

Listen to Regina Spektor, but on noise-cancelling headphones, with no distractions. It is a sacred experience.
(i'm telling you, we're all dissatisfied and crazy)(but it is both musically and lyrically brilliant)

I think I'm just bored wiht myself. And wanting babies. But not wanting babies. And wanting to be with this one person. But not wanting to be with anyone, right now. And, of course, pissed at all it takes just to get to where you want to be. And angry that I have to hyper-extend myself for a water glass (that's not really goign to change, though). But the discontentment I feel isn't of the short-person variety. Because it's a generational epidemic - I've noticed it in society and the media arts. I don't know what happened to us all, but we're all pretty angsty now. Ugh. I hate that word. Mostly because I associate it with bratty teenagers that have no real reason to be upset, because they have everything. Every opportunity in the world. Perhaps I'm talking about us, only five years later. Or maybe, in addition to our generation not really having a sense of work ethic due to the fact that, for most of us, shit is just handed to us, our fucking country, earth, universe, families, lives are unravelling. And it's so recent, that people don't know how to protect the children from the psychological trauma of it all...can't wait to see the kids in my classroom...
and shopping isn't working. and neither is cutting your hair. or getting a tattoo. or buying those new Ugg boots. and for some of us, faith and spirituality don't do it, either. Or psycho-therapy. Where to turn?
Ah. I've got it. Prescription drugs.

(i'm kidding)

I'm hoping that once everything settles down, and we all get our shit together and we're not in this weird, limbo-funk, we'll be much better. I mean, look at the older generations of musicians (RHCP), the older movie makers (Cameron Crowe) - you've seen these people, and their art suggests a light at the end of the tunnel. That there's a point to all of this.


That is, if we don't blow ourselves up, first.

Currently listening : Carnavas By Silversun Pickups Release date: 25 July, 2006

8:18 AM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

if I kiss you where it's sore....

please stay over there.

I'm begging you.

Currently listening : Begin to Hope By Regina Spektor Release date: 13 June, 2006

8:17 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

I think that I'm bigger than the sound....(sometimes)

I've began to write again.
Or rather, there was this outpouring of writing...I can't promise (or tell you that it won't) continue.

*****************************

I am
slightly drunk,
and wearing sneakers,
on west Michigan
avenue.
The air
is crisp,
new.
An inch
of snow has
fallen,
reflecting
off the city
lights,
making it seem
like daytime.

It is
2:10
am.

I put on
my sunglasses;
make my
way towards
dawn.
I remember
when I used
to want
to be
somebody.

**********************

(gold lion's gonna tell me where the light is.....)

10:54 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment