A response to my ADD goof-up blog
Current mood: loved
Category: Life

"I do not see any 'failure' here. You must have the wrong measuring stick out. You need to put that one away."

"You are a WONDERFUL human being !!! A truly gifted artist !! and a strong woman...  don't you ever forget all of that. Again, be kind to yourself !!! "

Those comments are from folks whose art I shipped to the wrong places.  More than once.  And those comments are why I am still an artist.  Because those customers care about me and support me even when I mess up.  No amount of income and benefits could ever make up for that.  When I get to feeling scared and lonely and broken, I read comments like that and I KNOW I can turn things around.  I KNOW my work matters and I will get through whatever difficulties I am facing.

Thank you!

Your kindness feeds my work and I would not be who I am if you were not who you are.

Love,

MAR

11:04 PM - 1 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

More Waffle! More Waffle!
Current mood: loved
Category: Pets and Animals

I see you.

Part lion.

On top of the chair.

Everyone is a critic.  I told her if she doesn't have anything nice to say then she can just get out of my studio.

She asked for a canvas of her own.  And some brushes. 

Hey Mom, go get the feather toy!

Great!  Now just stand there and wave it around for a few hours, okay?

11:01 PM - 6 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

Who left a waffle under that snowmobile?
Current mood: stalked
Category: Pets and Animals

My neighbors and I found this under a snowmobile in the garage next door....

I named her Waffle.

My friend Roxy gave her the cleverest nickname... Waffle Fry.

Now I have to spend crazy amounts of time keeping Pearlzilla, the hunter, from eating Waffle for breakfast.

The vet says Waffle is about 8 weeks old but so undernourished that she is way tiny for her age. 

Welcome to our madhouse, Waffle!

Watch for kitten art soon.

I have never had a kitten before.  It is ridiculous fun.  She plays constantly and makes me laugh all day.

3:29 PM - 3 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

A personal note ot my customers about ADD and my mistakes
Current mood: aggravated
Category: Life

I have Attention Deficit Disorder.  I used to not even believe in ADD.  I thought it was some made up crap that was over-diagnosed and overmedicated.  Then I had a job in a therapy office and one of the psychiatrists suggested I get tested.  And he suggested I read the book Driven To Distraction.  The book was an eye-opener.  I got tested when I was 30 years old.  And I tested off the charts.  I have extreme ADD.  And I now recognize it as a very real challenge.  My brain does not allow me time to feel impulses and then choose whether or not I want to follow those impulses.  I feel something and I act on it almost instantaneously.  I have mostly learned tools for adapting to this and managing it.  But sometimes I get overwhelmed. 

This past week, I mailed packages to the wrong people.  Again.  I have done this before.  And I thought I had put safeguards in place to prevent myself from repeating the mistake.  I hired a virtual assistant who keeps track of what needs to ship and when and where it should go, but she is not here in person and cannot review what I actually do with the shipping lists she gives me.  I thought I had organizational systems in place here to keep me from mixing up mailing labels, but last week I was in a hurry to get to the post office before they closed and I cut corners on my usual routine. 

I hate myself when this happens.  Like I am a failure.  I like to imagine that I can will myself to not have ADD.  That I can will myself to be focused and thorough and steady.  But I can't.  You know?  I can't.  Probably if I could will myself to be reasonable and responsible and practical and orderly, I would have done it years ago and I would not be an artist now.  Because I want to be those things.  I want to fit in.  I want to make my parents proud.  I want to be a good grown up.

It is hard to face my limitations and embrace my gifts even while knowing that those very gifts are what keep me off center.  I am a wild bundle of nerves.  Sensory input like most folks cannot even imagine.  I notice everything.  I can tell if a picture is off-center by even a millimeter.  I can discern the difference between 100 shades of blue.  You know when you have to fold a resume or some other important document to put it in an envelope?  I can fold a sheet of paper in perfect thirds 100 times in a row if you want me to.  Without even thinking about it.  My eye just sees it.  That is how finely tuned my senses are.

But I cannot remember when garbage day is.  And I forget to pay my bills on time EVERY darn month.  And I mail packages to the wrong people.  Even when I adore those customers and I know I have goofed their orders before and I am trying SO hard to be careful.  I am still me.  Still flawed.  I hate that.

Certainly the ADD is a gift just as much as it is a curse.  And I am not writing this blurb to complain.  I just figure I am not alone in my challenges.  And I want other folks with similar challenges to know you are not alone either.  I also want my customers to know that I am not careless with your orders.  I value you so much.  And I really do try so hard to get it right.  I am sorry for my mistakes and I hope you will be patient with me.  The wildness and the bounciness in my spirit that makes my art so energetic and engaging also makes me not such a great business manager and shipper.  But I am trying.

Love,

Melissa

7:35 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

A different kind of color
Current mood: enthralled
Category: Religion and Philosophy

Just wanted to share some pics of my new garden with friends and family....

My wildflower garden.  Mom put a lot of work into this garden.  Thanks, Mom!

One of my squasheses.

Baby watermelons.

Zeus guarding the produce.

My thirsty corn.

Thanks for stopping by.  Wishing you all well.

Love,

MAR

4:57 PM - 6 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

Upgrade the bazooka in your pants.
Current mood: rebellious
Category: Art and Photography

Hi friends,

First off, the sale!  I am having my biggest sale of all time.  To celebrate FIVE YEARS of self-employment as an artist.  Yay for me!  Yowza.  EVERYTHING is on sale.  WAY on sale.  So please  click here  to see what new art you might NEED.  :)

Second, I am still a painting fiend.  Here is more fun new stuff to tickle your color bone.

And finally, are any of you writers?  I was thinking of putting together a book of Tiny Art paired with Haiku poetry.  For some reason those elements fit together well in my mind.  What do you think?  Would any of you contribute?

Wishing you all courage and conviction.

Love,

MAR

PS:  The title of this blog entry is simply my favorite spam mail title of the week.

6:15 AM - 6 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

Joy.
Current mood: adventurous
Category: Art and Photography

Hi friends,

I have never been happier in my whole life.  Isn't that amazing?  What a thing to say.  It is true.  I love my life.  I love my new home.  I love living alone.  I love my dogs.  I love the river.  I love painting.  I am happy.  Not crazy loopy happy.  Not somebody-medicate-her happy.  I am just plain happy.  And at peace.  Life is good.

Thank you for hanging in there with me.  I know my misery must have gotten old for you.  It certainly did for me.  And I am sure grateful for your support and your love.  You got me through it.  Now let's celebrate with some new art!

I am a painting fiend and I have been updating the site a bunch this past week or two, so I may take a day  off before the next update, but I expect them to come regularly now.  So please do come by often.  Also, there will be auctions soon, too!  Yay.

Wishing you all warmth and pretty birds singing.

Love,

MAR

7:15 AM - 1 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

Niravana
Current mood: accomplished
Category: Life

Hi friends,

I have been holding on to the possibility of a good life.  Trying to understand how I got from there to here.  Trying to absorb so many blessings.  I have been wallowing in the newness of my life.  In the fact that I am safe, in a peaceful place, with my furry kids.  That I can have emotions here.  That I can be myself.  The changes in my life are overwhelming sometimes.  And I have trouble believing that I deserve to live here.  That I can stay here.

There is no logical reason to believe that I can afford to live in this place.  But I know in my heart that I belong here.  I feel as though I am finally home.  I face a host of challenges in my life right now, but I just cannot seem to make myself upset about these things.  Because I live in Heaven.  This place is SO beautiful.  My home is so peaceful.  And my heart is so light here.  I have no room in me for practical misery.  I am too busy dancing about in joy.  I love it here.

This morning I brought a camera out on my dog walks to show you why.....

My back yard (with the three stooges.)

My way-back yard.  The tilled up area is planted with wild flowers and fun food things like squash and corn and melons and jalapenos.

The black menace.

My whole yard.  Thankfully I have a basketball hoop so I can continue my training.  Bwa ha ha ha.

My home from the front.

The rest of these photos are from the park at the end of my street (just a few houses away) and from the bridge a block over.

Zeus loves the park.

Gracie the Whoodle is slowly turning orange.

I live in Heaven.  See?  Someday soon, when my car is running again, I will go shoot some photos for you of the incredibly cool quarry lakes with giant odd rocks poking out of them.  And eventually I hope to get out and do some plein air paintings of these places, too.

In other news...  The giant commissioned pieces are done and they are really powerful vibrant images.  I am excited to share them and will have scans of them online in a week or two.  There are other new pieces on the way as well.  Watch for regular updates to the site now.  And new auctions soon.

Thanks for your friendship and support.

Love,

MAR

2:28 PM - 6 Comments - 12 Kudos - Add Comment

Yowza!
Current mood: excited
Category: Life

Hi friends,

New life.  What could be more exciting than that?  A fresh clean slate.  A world of possibilities.  That is where I stand today.  On the verge of a giant and wondrous leap.  Flying over years of yuckiness and soaring directly into the dreams I assumed were all but lost.  Directly into warmth and light and wild creativity.  Directly into my real life.  The life I always wanted.  The life I hid from for way too long. 

Success.  Abundance.  Joy.  Power.  Grace.  And so much color.

I am moving this week.  To a new home.  A big beautiful old house in a sweet little town.  With cows just a few miles away.  Near a creak.  Me and my furry kids.  The little town is just ten minutes from a bigger town that has all the resources I need.  But it is an hour and half from the giant cities where I have lived my whole adult life.  Just the right spaces between.  Perfect geometry.

I know no one in my new home town.  No one in the slightly larger town either.  That is scary.  I might be lonely.  I will have to join groups to meet people.  Groups scare me.  I have never been a good joiner.  But I will learn.  If you, my friends, want my new phone number or address to get in touch or stay in touch, just ask.  I would love to hear from you.  I think it would help if some folks check in on me from time to time to make sure I do not move so far into my own pretty Flying World that I float right off the planet, you know?  That is a secret fear that I harbor.

Mostly I am just excited, though.  The biggest brightest fun yellow bedroom in my new home will be my grand new art studio.  Here is a picture of just one corner of that space...

And for the first time ever, I will not have to have all my computer crap in the same space where I make art.  My new home has a "den" where I will do my scanning and computing.  Here is a bit of that neat room...

This fabulous house also has two more bedrooms, one for me and one for a guest or a roommate.  And it has a HUGE fabulous kitchen.  Here is just part of the kitchen...

Unfortunately, I have no pictures to share of the big bright living room because it is currently painted a hideous shade of brown and I am busy repainting it.  I have no pictures yet of the giant yard, either, but I will take some soon.  And then I will take more in the summer when it is in full bloom.

Over the past several years, I gave up on myself and my dreams.  I gave up on magic.  I forgot about God.  And how (S)He wants us all to be Happy with a capital H.  I thought I was supposed to drag my ass sadly along.  Following a man who has never known love and never cared to.  I went through the motions.  Maybe because I forgot there was more.  Maybe I was just too lazy to go out and find more.  Or too afraid.  Too wimpy.  But that junk is all in the past now.  I GOT OUT.  I am free.  And whatever I used to be, whatever I became, I am now STRONG again.  Brave again.  Ready to stand up for all that is best in us again.  Ready to stand up and paint all that needs to be painted.  For me.  For you.  For everyone else that has forgotten their dreams and settled for a sullen stupor like I did.  Where moments of comfort and bits of chocolate are the best you can dream up.  I am back!  Ready for wild adventure.  In a new place.  With new people.  And wonderful old dreams that I am thrilled to embrace again like long lost friends.

The move will consume much of the next week or two.  I hope to release two new drawings soon.  Commissions of some adorable furry rascals.  And that will be it for new work until mid-April most likely.  Then I may have a few new treats for you, but after that there will be a lull again.  I just accepted a fabulous HUGE commission challenge for a great small business and I will be very busy realizing those visions for many weeks.  As you know, I often work on a whole bunch of stuff at once because I paint things and have to let layers dry so I move from piece to piece to piece.  That means there may be a few goodies released here and there while I tackle the commissions.  But the work flow will be slower than usual for a while.  I hope you will continue to visit from time to time.  And I will send out emails to my personal mailing list as things change.

Thanks for believing in me and supporting me even when I was often failing myself.  YOU got me here!  To this beautiful new day.  And I am so grateful.

Wishing you all a glorious Spring.

Love,

MAR

5:28 AM - 6 Comments - 12 Kudos - Add Comment

Silver Linings
Current mood: amused
Category: Art and Photography

I am a firm believer that all experiences are gifts.  But I think that concept only works for people of faith.  People who believe.  In the goodness of our shared heart.  That believing is the magic, you know?  Without that faith, the idea that all experiences are gifts can be a torture of sorts.  Can lead to endless intellectual wandering.  Seeking seeking seeking those silver linings.  Trying to puzzle out the "secret" meanings of your trials.  Trying to label your experiences appropriately so that you "win" the prize of enlightenment.  When in reality you have already won all there is to win simply by being alive.  And the only secret key that can unlock your prize is faith.  Faith that brings peace to your heart.  Wonder to your eyes.  Curiosity and joy to your overworked mind.

Many of you know I have now left an eight year relationship filled with struggle and unbelievable tension.  Where the only peace possible was always achieved by me swallowing my feelings and needs and submitting to his agenda.  Living that way broke me down to the point of hospitalization.  And the resounding question that cannot be avoided is why on Earth did I stay for eight long years in such an ugly world?  The answer, of course, is because I did.  I stayed.  And I made art. A whole heck of a lot of art.  A gazillion pieces of art.  Roughly.

I am happy to be free even if freedom is confusing and my living situation is less than optimal.  I am lonely, but I was lonely that whole eight years, so I am well aware that this kind of lonely is not so bad.  This kind of lonely leaves room for the possibility of more one day.  Of healthy happy love instead of scary empty resigned love.  And that is more than I have had for a long long time, so I am glad to be making that progress.  I am glad to be here, period.  To have the full range of emotions I was blessed with and not be afraid to express them.  That is an amazing thing.

I have a roof over my head and food to eat and I am safe.  I have my furry kids to make me laugh and that is a wonderful gift right there.  I have more art supplies than you can shake a stick at and for those tubes of color I am eternally grateful.  And I have you, good friends, to visit with.

Thank you for stopping by.  Thank you for staying in touch.

Sending love,

M

5:12 AM - 5 Comments - 12 Kudos - Add Comment