Does Anybody Here Have an Aardvark?
Category: MySpace

I want a happy, well adjusted aardvark, not like that rip-off I got on E-Bay. Turned out to be nothing more than a pissed off turtle, dirty bitches.

Every animal I have ever owned has been mean & scary, each harboring a deep desire to hurt me.

But an aardvark, that seems like an animal that's got it's shit together. That's all I'm sayin'.

6:01 PM - 16 Comments - 16 Kudos - Add Comment

Evil Penis
Current mood: indescribable
Category: Life

As I ground my penis through the hand crank meat grinder I thought to myself, pain is merely temporary.

After all, that filthy little thing had it comin' (no pun intended).

Sure it was painful, the stream of tears attested to that fact at just a glance. Oh, but it was sweet pain to be sure. I was at the threshold of passing out, in the sem-conscious state where hallucinations reign, and you experience a wonderful delirium, more potent than even the sweetest dose of heroin.

My eyes rolled back in my head as I strained to force my arm to continue grinding, to further this new and exotic high, balancing on the threshold of both plain and pleasure.

Was this torture? What began as the most extreme example of self abuse was now bringing waves of orgasmic pleasure.

And then, before I could even debate the effective use of a pleasurable torture, I ran out of penis.

Currently listening : 'Til the Medicine Takes By Widespread Panic Release date: 27 July, 1999

10:00 PM - 25 Comments - 30 Kudos - Add Comment

The First Time I Ate Poop
Category: Writing and Poetry

I remember the first time I ever ate poop. I was stumbling back from a college party, during my days at Jamestown University, when I stepped into a steaming pile of wet, thick, rancid smelling doggy doo. I had taken 3 tabs of purple micro-dots, so the poop seemed magical, and had the air of delisciousness about it. I scooped up a section using my credit card and lifted it towards my lips. My tongue flickered over the feces, as it screamed to be eaten. I gave it a quick lick, then rubbed the flavor over my gums with my tongue like it was a dab of cocaine. It was soooo rich and tasty, but I could feel the cold stare of strangers judging me, so I placed the poop in my pocket and ran back towards my dorm. Once inside my room, I locked and bolted the door, took the shit out of my pocket, and placed it on my desk in front of the computer. I savored the moment for what seemed an eternity, and then the turd spoke to me. Little brown lips formed at it's crescent shaped head, and a corn nugget tongue escaped from it's tiny mouth. I knew that whatever was going to happen next would change my life forever.

6:07 PM - 39 Comments - 33 Kudos - Add Comment

A Brand New World

I'm new here at myspace, heard so much about it, just had to come by and scope it out. Yay, my first blog, sorry it isnt longer, still dont know what to do yet.

5:08 PM - 12 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment