5:38 AM - last day of june
Category: Life

i just wanted to write something.  somewhere along the way i missed a day.  still feeling it to be sunday.  still catching up on sleep, almost there.

more to come.  and miles to go before i actually sleep to rest and not to catch up.

and now, july can come with the midnight...

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7:48 AM - an ending
Category: Writing and Poetry

the quickening of the pulse

(as footfall taps)

upon an unfinished floor
heavily laden with the touch
of the carpenter's apathy;

(could the key have missed the lock altogether clinging to the opening of doors-
into void-filled wonders;
no rushing towards the exits)

signs rule the days ending
as surely as time in flight.

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8:39 AM - before i say good afternoon
Category: Writing and Poetry

finally, the damn scales are balancing out.  it aint easy being a libra.  ive got energy coming from the left, the right, above, and below, to the side, backwards and upsidedown sideways flinging all kinds of sparkly dust getting in my eyes making me cry till i laugh so hard i pee.

but it aint over yet.  maybe it is the jazz festival preparations going on down the street.  maybe its because its about damn time.  there are no free rides but i sho can ride a bike or put my soles to the pavement in some payless specials.

why conceed to defeat when those i considered an enemy to battle was just myself puffed up with fear, not malice and destruction.  ive got to test this out for myself cause no one will believe this shit.  hell, sometimes i cant believe it.  but its for damn sure that there is another way.  and im gonna ride this motha till the wheels fall off...

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8:33 AM - waiting for the sweet side
Category: Writing and Poetry

"oh, girl, lemme tell ya what.
it was a-mazing...

i talk to him every day.
had to cut it short tho'
'cause i was wearing him out...

oh, no he didnt.
it was me all day...

i will be the first
in a long time coming...

that's the wait, girl,
for the sweeter side of life."

(conversation overheard while sipping coffee and eating homemade cornbread from just around the way)

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7:49 AM - here, now
Category: Writing and Poetry

writing this off the cuff
is best for the scene
to be played out
on the edge

the edge of nothing
a nothingness so bare
naked is to be clothed
in too much overkill

the writing continues
in dark hues gathering
gray into another dark
bled dry of anything light

the looking upon hell
at least it glows hot
with guiltful separation
unendingly it is something

at least to say this
is a form is a place
a touchstone reminder
of what is gone and gone

this sweet vision repels
nothing of no thing
bringing dead and alive
to a meaningless stop

however a seed grows
still is hidden outside
the inside sight underground
the roots stay here now

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7:40 PM - one more before the bed enters me
Category: Writing and Poetry

not a thing did i do
while the jazz played cool and low
through my window
i wanted to read and be swept
away down the curves of letters
flowing into streams of words
phrases to excite the flame
not a thing did i do
but stare at the screen
click clack feck
when the fist meets the keyboard
the soft flesh on the edges
making sounds of my frustrations
it is only the muse giving me
one more before the bed enters me

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2:27 PM - an evidence of no body
Category: Writing and Poetry

i keep it consciously hidden
within the lines of unreasonable doubts
that what is random unconsciously
is of no coincidence or convenience
to no one at all and everything in particular

the mind is drained of familiar glances
constant touching and fruitless imaginings
as endless as the stretch of waiting
beneath a blue umbrella continuously
gathering thunder and no hope of smoke

i am full of contention and confusion
by the observation of what is not
reality to show how mundane inside
my heart could not witness outside
through a false body of evidence

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8:53 AM - preludes
Category: Writing and Poetry

i think i get it now
i know that you are not
supposed to say such things
especially when they have not
been tested
(drops not placed in the eyes of bunnies)
but still the memory
is clear and the fearfactor is evident
in the eyes of strangers but not true lovers
of the long ago gone and missed
(she has him now and thats alright)
dont worry bout a thing
so many melodies elude to this now
i can only dance naked
in front of my own mirror
for another he watches as
higherspiritgodconciousessence
(referencing the shaman again)
so it is not the got its that
got me going into this flow
it is in the no thinking
only listening and listening
i hear its vibration
feeling the listening

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7:45 AM - the shaman’s feet
Category: Writing and Poetry

i sat at the shaman's feet,
stained with travel,
the memory of a dream.
i had such deja vu
and fell in love instantly.
there was no need,
he said so sweetly,
to use my hair
to cleanse what i see.
here, he said,
i will wash you
and drink you
and succumb to you
for it is i
at your feet
looking with
your eyes
to kiss
not to cleanse.

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6:13 AM - one angry female
Category: Life

ive never known anger to motivate more than fear or have a greater success rate at being a motivational factor.  so the far the results are 2 for 2.  the leaving of friends and being pissed off by dual personalities at work, ive gotten a jones for anger.  depression after all is anger turned inward.  let the bitch out...

there were no nuclear explosions of devastating collateral damage.  there was a giving up of the ghost and  moving on.  onto what...that is in the making.  oh i wanted to call bastards bastards.  i wanted, and did, say the incantation of scrubs...bastard coated bastards with bastard filling.  now that's a bastard that trumps a bitch all day.  im not talking about sex here but attitude.  when something pisses me off to that end, i cry.  call me a woosey-woo but i dont want to go to jail for being pissed off. 

it is embarrassing to say that i havent learned to curtail this burst of emotion.  the headaches afterward alone should be a clue to me.  it is like straining sifting flour, the particles become smaller but dont change...only the baking is better with a longer prep time, etc., etc.  big girls dont cry.  and do they have their big girl panties on?  what is it to be a woman?  express yourself as yourself.

it pisses me off when  i this and people change.  it is not that i didnt do what they said, i didnt do what they thought i should do thus disagreeing with them.  who am i to tell someone that they are wrong?  well did and got my ass handed to me and told to fuck myself.  i would fuck myself and love doing it.

hey, i take it all too seriously.  im a libra in love plus ive got a supercharged libido...sue me.  there aint too many chicks out there that can hang with me for an extended amount of time without some shit going down.  and men, forget about it.  now that i know what i want, their are so many places to sit by the pool and not be disturbed (those crowed summer resort that your parents took you too or those crowded ymca pools).  yeah, that smucks but the quality has gotten better since i will not settle for anything less than what i want.

about damn time too.  i can give god grey hairs...

so how many of the steps have i gone through?  denial, depression, anger...  im still not out of the bargining phase yet closer to the acceptance. damn this is some personal shit.  and?

im back in it with leonard cohen singing im your man...in my secret life

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