I Have a Dream

My latest book is
PRONOIA IS THE ANTIDOTE FOR PARANOIA:
How the Whole World
Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings,

It's available for sale at
Amazon and Powells.


Here's an excerpt from PRONOIA

I HAVE A DREAM
by Rob Brezsny

If you've ever been to a poetry slam, you know that sensitive lyrics in
praise of love and beauty are rare. Far more common are vehement
diatribes that curse injustice and hypocrisy.

I'm not putting that stuff down; I've been known to unload some dark
rants myself. But at this perfect moment, the Beauty and Truth
Laboratory is more interested in pragmatic idealism. We're thirsty for
streams of visionary consciousness, fountains of lustrous truth, and
floods of feisty hope.

Therefore, we propose that instead of a poetry slam, you participate in
our "I Have a Dream" Slam. To get in the mood, read or listen to the
speech that Martin Luther King Jr. made at the Lincoln Memorial in
Washington, D.C., on August 28, 1963. The text, as well as an MP3 of
King giving the speech, is available on the Web.

Maybe King's plea will inspire you to create your own personal "I Have a
Dream" manifesto. To be part of the "I Have a Dream" Slam, send your
offering to uaregod@comcast.com or P.O. Box 150628, San Rafael, CA
94915.

Now here's my "I Have a Dream" speech.


I have a dream.

I have a dream that in the New World, there will be a new Bill of Rights.
The first amendment will be, "Your daily wage is directly tied to the
beauty and truth and love you provide."

I have a dream that in the New World, childbirth will be broadcast in prime
time on a major TV network every night.

I have a dream that the New World will have exhilarationists, and they'll
vastly outnumber the terrorists. The exhilarationists will be performance
artists with a conscience ... charismatic improvisers who love to spring
fun surprises. They'll commit unexpected interventions and unscheduled
spectacles that delight hordes of strangers.

I have a dream that in the New World, we will add an eleventh
commandment to the standard ten: Thou shalt not bore God.

I have a dream of a week-long annual holiday called the Bacchanalia. Work
and business will be suspended so that all adults can explore their ripe
mojo with frothy erotic experiments. Tenderly orgiastic marathons will
rage unabated. Reverential ecstasy and grateful generosity will rule.

I have a dream that when anchormen report tragedies on their nightly TV
shows, they'll break down and cry and let their emotions show. No more
poker faces.

*

In the New World, you'll be a fascinating enigma worthy of a best-selling
unauthorized biography and I'll be an inscrutable genius whose every
move is packed with symbolic meaning -- and vice versa. That will be the
law in the New World -- far different from the Old World, where
schadenfreude is epidemic and your distinctive flair is supposed to make
me feel worshipful or diminished.

*

I have a dream that in the New World, the word "asshole" will be a term of
endearment rather than abuse. Plutocracy will be a felony. April Fool's Day
will come once a month. There'll be scientific horoscopes and mystical
logic. Every one of us will have at least one imaginary friend. Compassion
will be an aphrodisiac.

In the New World, we'll launch an affirmative action program that
ultimately makes most of us celebrities. Buddhist real estate developers
will build a chain of sacred shopping centers in the heartland. The CEOs of
the Fortune 500 companies will be required by law to enjoy once-a-week
sessions with Jungian psychotherapists. Pioneers in artificial intelligence
research will develop computers that can talk to God.

In the New World, same-sex marriages will be fully sanctioned, of course.
But why stop there? We'll also legalize wedding bonds among
threesomes, foursomes, fivesomes, and large groups of people who are in
love with each other. I have a dream that we will expand the meaning of
love beyond anything our ancestors imagined.

*

In the New World, our children will study singing and dancing and
meditation and dream work with as much diligence as they now devote to
math and science. They'll learn to see with their own eyes and think with
their own minds and feel with their own hearts, studying those subjects
as intently as they do spelling and grammar and social studies. Beginning
in seventh grade, they'll get lessons in the art of creating successful
intimate relationships. And we'll teach them why it's only fair that for the
next 3,000 years we use "her" for the generic singular pronoun instead of
"him."

*

I have a dream that we will take everything we need and give everything
we have. We'll be both selfish altruists and generous braggarts,
Llibertarian socialists and capitalist humanitarians. That'll be the law in the
New World -- different from the Old World, where you can blindly serve
your own interests or devote yourself to the needs of others, but not
both.

*

I have a dream that in the New World, Oprah Winfrey will buy up all the
Pizza Huts on the planet and convert them into a global network of
menstrual huts, where for a few days each month, every one of us, men
and women alike, can resign from the crazy-making 9–5 -- drop out and
slow down, break trance and dive down into eternal time.

We will sleep eight and a half hours every night and practice our lucid
dreams ... sing love songs from the future while soaking in long, hot baths
... feast on chocolate as we converse with the little voices in our heads ...
research the difference between stupid suffering and wise suffering until
we finally get it right . . . wear magic underwear made from eagle
feathers, spider webs, and 100-year-old moss . . . and conjure up bigger,
better, more original sins and wilder, wetter, more interesting problems.

*

In the New World, you'll kick your own ass and I'll wash my own brain. I'll
be my own parents and you'll be your own wife. And vice versa. That'll be
normal in the New World -- different from the Old World, where everyone
except me is to blame for my ignorance and you call on everyone except
yourself to give you what you need.

I'll push my own buttons and right my own wrongs. You'll wake yourself
up and sing your own songs.

*

I'm the president now . . . and so are you. I am the Supreme Commander
of the United Snakes of the Blooming HaHa . . . and so are you. And what
we proclaim is that in the New World, we will love our neighbors as
ourselves, even if our neighbors are jerks. We will never divide the world
into us against them. We will search for the divine spark even in the
people we most despise, and we will never dehumanize anyone, even
those who dehumanize us.

I have a dream that sooner or later every one of us will become a well-
rounded, highly skilled, incredibly rich master of rowdy bliss -- with lots of
leisure time and an orgiastic feminist conscience.


To read features from my book, go HERE.

To buy PRONOIA IS THE ANTIDOTE FOR PARANOIA:
How the Whole World
Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings,
the book from which the above piece is excerpted, go
to Amazon and Powells.

4:36 PM - 3 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

Free Will Astrology for the Week Beginning July 3

Copyright 2008 by Rob Brezsny


My free weekly email newsletter includes the horoscopes, excerpts from
my book PRONOIA IS THE ANTIDOTE FOR PARANOIA, and
ever-fresh referrals to other pronoiac resources. Sign up for it here.

+

CANCER (June 21-July 22): It's Beautify Yourself Week, dear Cancerian. A
conspiracy of cosmic proportions is preparing the conditions necessary
for you to capitalize handsomely on this opportunity. At this very
moment, there is beauty behind you and beauty in front of you. There is
beauty to your left and beauty to your right, beauty above you and
beauty below you. All you have to do is inhale, drink in, and otherwise
suck up this lushness. It will interact synergistically with the splendor that
is also welling up in you, and you will transform into an almost unbearably
gorgeous work of art.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Are you up for some cutting-edge slashing and
smashing and crashing? I'm talking about slashing the price you've been
paying for following your dreams; smashing beliefs that made sense years
ago but are irrelevant now; and crashing parties where your future
teachers and allies are gathered. Once you get the hang of all that, Leo,
you can move on to other brilliant demolitions, like cracking codes,
breaking trances, and shattering spells cast on you by the past.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): When Tom first arrived in Santa Cruz from
South Carolina at age 22, he was homeless and had $110. He quickly
scored a temp job as a laborer, doing menial tasks at construction sites.
His first assignment was at a place where a delivery truck had accidentally
dropped a load of lumber at the bottom of a hill instead of at the top
where a new house was to be built. Tom's job was to carry the heavy
boards and beams up the hill one by one. He felt a bit like Sisyphus in the
Greek myth -- that forlorn character whose punishment by the gods
required him to push a boulder up a hill again and again, only to have it
plummet down each time as he reached the peak. Unlike Sisyphus, things
got better for Tom. During the next 15 years, he became a successful
real estate agent. One day he sold the million-dollar house that had been
built from the wood he'd once toted up the hill. This is a perfect time,
Virgo, for you to predict and plot out a long-term personal triumph that
will match Tom's.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): It's the Power-Gathering Season for you, Libra.
A good way to energize your efforts would be to define clearly and
imaginatively what power means to you. I've got two riffs to get you
started. First, here's one from a famous French ruler whose name I'll
withhold so as not to distract you from the riff itself: "I love power. But it
is as an artist that I love it. I love it as a musician loves his violin, to draw
out its sounds and chords and harmonies." Here's the second definition,
from poet Dennis Holt in his newsletter "Quincunx": "Power is what sends
the woodpecker down from his tree to poke for worms in the muddy road
one morning after all-night rain on a ridge above the Pacific within earshot
of the surf."



* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


LISTEN TO AN EXPANDED HOROSCOPE

In addition to the horoscopes that come to you in this newsletter, I create
more in-depth audio horoscopes for your inspiration. I think of them as
my love letters to you. They're $6 if you access them on the Web, or
$1.99 per minute over the phone.

Try them at RealAstrology.com.

They're available by phone at 1-877-873-4888
or 1-900-950-7700.


"Your audio horoscopes help me love myself better, and I mean that in a
non-narcissistic way."
-Deva P., Indianapolis

"I'm really grateful for the way you pick up my telepathic requests and
answer them in your expanded audio 'scopes."
-Marion H., Birmingham, AL



* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): I'm not a big fan of Disneyland, but that
doesn't mean I can't borrow its ideas for your use. The fact is, Scorpio,
the coming weeks will be an excellent time for you to identify your own
personal versions of frontierland, adventureland, or tomorrowland. I'm not
talking about experiences and places that resemble glitzy theme-parks,
but rather the wild and thrilling things that gently shock your mind into
expanding. You're in a phase of your cycle when you'll tend to generate
good luck and helpful synchronicity by pushing your imagination beyond
its usual fantasies.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Beginning in 1951, the U.S. government
regularly set off nuclear bombs in the desert 65 miles northwest of Las
Vegas. Most of the 1,021 explosions occurred underground, though for
11 years some were also done in the open air. Tourists used to flock to
Las Vegas to watch the mushroom clouds, which were visible from that
distance. As far as we know, the detonations ceased in 1992. Also as far
as we know, the unusual lifestyles of Las Vegas's inhabitants are not the
result of mutations in their DNA caused by radioactive contamination.
Let's use this scenario as a departure point for your own personal
inventory, Sagittarius. What dangerous or tempestuous events from your
life are now safely confined to the past? Are there any lingering
consequences from them? If so, what might you do to heal?

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): By the year 2100, some human beings will
be married to sophisticated robots. So concludes David Levy, who got a
doctorate from a Dutch university for his thesis, "Intimate Relationships
with Artificial Partners." Let's use his prophecy as a jumping-off point for
your meditation, Capricorn. In your fantasies about togetherness, are you
unconsciously harboring any unrealistic desires for robotic perfection? If
so, are they interfering with your ability to have deep and satisfying
relationships with interesting but flawed people? Take inventory of any
tendencies you might have to want artificial partners. Then dissolve those
delusions.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): "Dear Rob: After a long stretch of patiently
putting up with God's mean-spirited tricks, I decided I'd had enough. So I
fired Him. Now I'm going to create a brand new deity from scratch. Do
you have any recommendations on what qualities a truly cool divine being
might possess? - Awakening Aquarius." Dear Awakening: One quality your
fresh god should have is an appreciation for your originality. You also
deserve a deity who likes it when you take your fate into your own hands.
That's all I'll say. It's a good time for you Aquarians to shun other
people's ideas about the divine influences and brainstorm extravagantly
about what's true for you.



* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


LISTEN TO AN EXPANDED HOROSCOPE


In addition to the horoscopes that you're reading here, I create audio
horoscopes for your amusement and inspiration. Find out more at
RealAstrology.com.

The audio horoscopes are also available by phone at 1-877-873-4888 or
1-900-950-7700.


"The best part about your audio horoscopes is that they pat me on the
head and kick me in the ass at the same time." - Rita L., San Diego

"Your audio oracles go beyond helping me find the truth -- they inspire
me to find the WILD truth." - Patrick K., Montreal

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): What are the differences between tacky,
meaningless fun and beautiful, constructive fun? What are the distinctions
between dumb, trivial pleasure and smart, life-exalting pleasure? I'm
hoping that meditations on these subjects will inspire you to overcome
any laziness you might have about cultivating happiness. It's a perfect
time for you to attempt this monumental accomplishment, you see.
You're at a potential turning point in your astrological cycle, a time when
you could get in the habit of treating your hero's journey as if it were an
ever-evolving celebration.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Here's the first rule of panning for gold: Go to
a slow-moving stream where flecks of the precious metal have been found
by others in the past. The second rule is this: Although gold is carried
along by the current, it's heavier than water and thus rarely appears right
on the surface. Look deeper. A third pointer is that if you do ultimately
find substantial treasure, it'll be because you will have gradually
accumulated a number flakes and nuggets over an extended period of
time. You've got to be patient. Now, Aries, apply everything I just said to
your search for metaphorical gold.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): In his song "Get Behind the Mule," Tom Waits
tells us to "Never let the weeds get taller than the garden." That's advice
you should heed in the coming weeks. But don't go overboard and
become a fanatic who acts as if weeds are evil demons from the ninth
level of hell. Keeping a few well-trimmed wild plants and a mushroom or
two would be quite healthy. You need a bit of messy serendipity mixed in
with your law and order.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): In her book *Pilgrim at Tinker Creek,* Annie
Dillard notes that there is only a tiny difference between the lifebloods of
plants and animals. A molecule of chlorophyll contains 36 atoms of
hydrogen, oxygen, nitrogen, and carbon arrayed around an atom of
magnesium, while a molecule of hemoglobin is exactly the same except
for an atom of iron instead of magnesium. I offer this as an apt metaphor
to illustrate the choice you have ahead of you: As similar as the various
possibilities may seem, the simple thing you put at the center of each
option will make a tremendous difference.




HOMEWORK: True or false: You can't get what you want from another
person until you're able to give it to yourself. Explain why or why not.
Testify by going to RealAstrology.com
and clickiing on "Email Rob."

3:08 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

What Is the Beauty and Truth Lab

My latest book is
PRONOIA IS THE ANTIDOTE FOR PARANOIA:
How the Whole World
Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings,

It's available for sale at
Amazon and Powells.


Here's an excerpt from PRONOIA

WHAT IS THE BEAUTY AND TRUTH LABORATORY?

The Beauty and Truth Laboratory is an ever-expanding web of think tanks
and mystery schools devoted to exploring pronoia. Since I launched the
prototype in October 2001, 12 other branches have sprung up in
basements, barns, and bedrooms all over the world: eight in North
America and others in Amsterdam, London, Florence, Italy, and Sydney,
Australia.

All of these, including my own in Marin County, California, are similar in
spirit to pirate radio stations. They're not registered, incorporated, or
licensed, and Goddess forbid that they should ever become the canonical
hubs of a franchise.

That doesn't mean I eschew power, authority, and wealth. My own branch
of the Beauty and Truth Laboratory is stationed in a garage next to the
house I rent on the seedy outskirts of suburbia, but I'd have no problem
moving to a more expansive location, like say, a conference center on a
100-acre compound in an idyllic place that the original inhabitants of this
continent regarded as a power spot. And I'd love it if this book sold a
million copies, or if Beauty and Truth Laboratories were as common as 7-
Elevens in 10 years.

On the other hand, I'm happy with whatever blessings life conspires to
bring me. If it's to my and your ultimate benefit that this book reaches no
more than 10,000 wise guys and riot grrrls, I will celebrate that outcome.
And my garage-based laboratory is fine just the way it is, with its sloping
floor and row of tiny windows darkened by the exuberant persimmon tree
outside. The modesty of its structure is a constant reminder that the
most important aspect of my work is building the Beauty and Truth
Laboratory within me. As I prod my imagination to nurture ever-more
detailed visions of love, compassion, joy, freedom, beauty, and truth, I'm
better able to spot and name all those good things in the world around
me. I also become more skilled at creating them.

My humble headquarters brings another advantage. It encourages me to
regard everywhere I go as a potential extension of the Beauty and Truth
Laboratory. My experiments aren't confined to the hours I spend in the
solitude of my ivory tower, but also spill out into the fertile chaos of daily
life.

On one epiphanic occasion, an eight-lane highway at rush hour turned into
a temporary Beauty and Truth Laboratory. It was just a few days after my
return from the Burning Man festival, where the dream of the Laboratory
had hatched. I was driving on 101, the artery that bisects Marin County
just north of San Francisco.

As I cruised at 65 mph between Larkspur and Corte Madera, a blonde in a
Jaguar convertible with the top down passed me on the right. Perhaps
distracted by the chat she was enjoying on her cell phone, she suddenly
zipped in front of me. After hitting my brakes to avoid rear-ending her, I
honked my horn to express my annoyance.

In response, she careened back over to the lane she'd been in before
cutting me off, then slowed down and waited for me to catch up. I
avoided eye contact at first, but finally looked over. Quaking with
agitation, she was flashing me a middle-finger salute and a mad face as
fierce as a Tibetan demon. Her car was veering closer to mine. I wondered
if she might she actually crash into me on purpose . . . .

. . . To read the rest of
"WHAT IS THE BEAUTY AND TRUTH LABORATORY?", go here.



To read features from my book, go HERE.

To buy PRONOIA IS THE ANTIDOTE FOR PARANOIA:
How the Whole World
Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings,
the book from which the above piece is excerpted, go
to Amazon and Powells.

7:23 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Long-Term Forecast, Part 2

Copyright 2008 by Rob Brezsny


EXPLORE THE BIG PICTURE OF YOUR LIFE

with my MID-YEAR PREVIEW of YOUR DESTINY for the REST of 2008.

My Expanded Audio Horoscopes explore themes that I think will be
important for you during the next six months.

What questions should you be asking?

What areas of your life are likely to receive unexpected assistance and
divine inspiration?

Where are you likely to find most success?

How can you best cooperate with the cosmic rhythms?

Tune in.

To listen to my IN-DEPTH, LONG-TERM AUDIO FORECAST for YOUR LIFE
during the next six months, Go here.

Log in and click on the link
"Long Term Forecast for Second Half of 2008"

Or for phone access, call:
1-877-873-4888

The Expanded Audio horoscopes cost $6 apiece if you access them on
the Web (discounts are available for multiple purchases), or $1.99 per
minute if you want them over the phone.

P.S. The EXPANDED AUDIO FORECAST is not a repeat of the written
horoscope you find BELOW, but is an entirely fresh exploration of your
astrological omens, designed to further help you tune in to your soul's
code.

I want you to know exactly who you are and to be able to express that
uniqueness in ever-more satisfying ways. It's your birthright!

+

Free Will Astrology for the Second Half of 2008, Part 2

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Welcome to Part Two of your outlook for the
second half of 2008, Cancerian. We're checking up on how well you're
progressing with the challenges you were given near the end of last year.
Here's one of the most important things I hope you're doing: getting clear
about which of the influences in your life encourage you toward
mediocrity, and which influences, on the other hand, nudge you in the
direction of mastery. There's a second crucial lesson that's related to the
first: getting clear about which people have low expectations and distorted
images of you, and which people, on the other hand, want the best for you
and see you for who you really are.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Welcome to Part Two of your outlook for the
second half of 2008, Leo. We're checking up on how you're progressing
with the challenges you were given near the end of last year. As I suspect
you've guessed by now, there's one potential accomplishment that's more
important than all the others. If you can pull it off, it'll change your life
forever. I'm talking about the determination to take full responsibility
for your own happiness. How? By studying in exquisite detail all the
things you need to feel great, and taking aggressive steps to make sure
they happen consistently.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Welcome to Part Two of your outlook for the
second half of 2008, Virgo. We're checking up on how you're progressing
with the challenges you were given near the end of last year. I trust that
by now you're aware that you have far more access to your creative
powers than you've ever had before. If for some reason you have not yet
taken advantage of this blessing, please drop everything and get to work
tapping into the mother lode. This should be the year your self-
expression reaches unprecedented levels of vividness and originality.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Welcome to Part Two of your outlook for the
second half of 2008, Libra. We're checking up on how you're progressing
with the challenges you were given near the end of last year. I trust that
by now you have begun to make major renovations in the foundations of
your world. I hope you have been carrying out brave changes that will
anchor and stabilize your efforts for years to come. By January 1, 2009,
I expect that you will be standing in your place of power and fighting for
your dreams with more suppleness and stamina than you've ever
summoned.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Welcome to Part Two of your outlook for the
second half of 2008. We're checking up on how you're progressing with
the challenges you were given near the end of last year. I hope by now
you've realized that you have unprecedented opportunities to forge
combinations that have never before been possible. Opposites you'd always
assumed would never attract should now be headed toward unification.
Elements of your life you've long feared were irreconcilable have been
showing signs of finding common ground, and may even be primed to
achieve a delicious synergy. Keep refining your primal urge to merge,
Scorpio!

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Welcome to Part Two of your outlook
for the second half of 2008, Sagittarius. We're checking up on how you're
progressing with the challenges you were given near the end of last year. I
trust that by now you're experiencing the joys of ever-growing self-
discipline. I hope you're positively gleeful with your enhanced capacity to
master details and be creatively organized. This is the year, I predict,
that you will learn to be a visionary planner without losing any of your
inspiring spontaneity.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Welcome to Part Two of your outlook for
the second half of 2008, Capricorn. How have you been progressing with
the challenges you were given near the end of last year? I trust that
you've been hungry for new ideas, fresh approaches, and novel
adventures. And I hope that this has resulted in you receiving more
invitations, dares, and temptations than you've ever had. If what I just
said describes your current state of affairs, I extend my hearty
congratulations and remind you that you're only half way through this
awakening process. If what I said doesn't fit your experience, get busy!

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Welcome to Part Two of your outlook for
the second half of 2008, Aquarius. We're checking up on how you're
progressing with the challenges you were given near the end of last year.
I'm hoping that six months from now, you'll look back and make the
following declaration: "This is the hardest I've ever worked to be free.
Liberation always came pretty easily to me before, but this year I had to
find new ways -- complicated, interesting, highly advanced ways -- to
carve out the space to live the life I want. I'm glad I was challenged so
deeply. It has made me a genius of emancipation."

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Welcome to Part Two of your outlook for
the second half of 2008, Pisces. I'm hoping that six months from now,
you'll look back and make the following declaration: "This year I was a
real artist in the way I lived my life. Everything I did was like working on
a beautiful masterpiece. I had a sixth sense about when to shut up and
when to speak out, when to pull back and when to push on, when to
recharge and when to ripen. Whenever my efforts were ready to climax, I
brought them to a climax and moved on to the next adventure. So here's the
big question: What can I do to keep cultivating this adroit and graceful
approach to being alive?"

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Welcome to Part Two of your outlook for
the second half of 2008, Aries. We're checking up on how you're
progressing with the challenges you were given near the end of last year.
I'm hoping that by now you're well on your way toward leaving your
amateur or rookie status behind for good. I trust that you have had a
vision of exactly what you need to do in order to boost your level of
professionalism, and that you have taken aggressive steps to carry out
that vision. If for some bizarre reason you have not yet begun this
glorious work, jumpstart yourself immediately. Fate will conspire
dramatically on your behalf if you do. Now here's a tip on how to make
sure that your inner warrior is operating at peak efficiency: Assume
there's always more you can do to raise your standards and aspire to a
higher grade of excellence.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Welcome to Part Two of your outlook for
the second half of 2008, Taurus. We're checking up on how you're
progressing with the challenges you were given near the end of last year.
One of the tasks at the top of your to-do list, I hope, has been the
expansion of your worldview. Whether it occurs by traveling to exotic
places, hanging out with broad-minded lovers of life, or exposing
yourself to intriguing ideas that activate your deep thoughts, you need to
seek out breathtaking views of the big picture. Here are two tips about
how to ensure that your inner pioneer is always itchy to investigate the
unknown: 1. Shed inhibitions that serve no constructive purpose. 2.
Declare your independence from trivial details.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): You entered the Sex, Drugs, and Rock and
Roll phase of your long-term cycle late last year, and you'll be in that
zone until January of 2009. That means you have been and will continue
to be tempted with triple-intense opportunities to explore the frontiers
of passion, find out about alternative modes of consciousness, and expand
your capacity for lyrical release. So how is that working for you? Are you
taking maximum advantage of all the life-changing experiments these
adventures offer without being turned inside-out by the emotional risks
they entail? Everything depends on your skill in using unruly gifts.





HOMEWORK: Make a prediction about what will happen in the world
during the second half of 2008.
Testify by going to RealAstrology.com
and clickiing on "Email Rob."

8:24 AM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

What Are You Doing the Second Half of 2008?

Copyright 2008 by Rob Brezsny

Your regularly scheduled horoscope appears right after the commercial message below.

***********************************************************

EXPLORE THE BIG PICTURE OF YOUR LIFE

with my MID-YEAR PREVIEW of YOUR DESTINY for the REST of 2008.

This week my Expanded Audio Horoscopes explore themes that I think will
be important for you during the next six months.

What questions should you be asking?

What areas of your life are likely to receive unexpected assistance and
divine inspiration?

Where are you likely to find most success?

How can you best cooperate with the cosmic rhythms?

Tune in.

To listen to my IN-DEPTH, LONG-TERM AUDIO FORECAST for YOUR LIFE
during the next six months, Go here.

Or for phone access, call:
1-877-873-4888

The Expanded Audio horoscopes cost $6 apiece if you access them on
the Web (discounts are available for multiple purchases), or $1.99 per
minute if you want them over the phone.

P.S. The EXPANDED AUDIO FORECAST is not a repeat of the written
horoscope you find BELOW, but is an entirely fresh exploration of your
astrological omens, designed to further help you tune in to your soul's
code.

I want you to know exactly who you are and to be able to express that
uniqueness in ever-more satisfying ways. It's your birthright!

***********************************************************


FREE WILL ASTROLOGY FOR THE SECOND HALF OF 2008, Part 1


CANCER (June 21-July 22): How well are you capitalizing on this year's
unique opportunities, Cancerian? Now that we're halfway through 2008,
let's take an inventory. I'm hoping that six months from now, you will look
back and make the following declaration: "This year I discovered
everything that's important to know about what I don't need and who I
don't want to be. That's one of the important reasons why -- hallelujah! -
- I've learned to avoid the suffering that comes from wishing my life were
different from how it actually is. I'm more at peace with my soul's
idiosyncratic destiny than I've ever been."

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): We're halfway through 2008. It's time to take
inventory of how well you're capitalizing on this year's unique
opportunities. So let me ask you, Leo: Have you been redefining your
relationship to your job so that it better serves the *real* you? Are you
invoking all your imaginative powers so as to get into a position in which
you will love work more than ever before? I hope you've been doing those
things, because it means you've primed yourself to attract lots of help in
accomplishing those changes.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): How well are you capitalizing on this year's
unique opportunities, Virgo? Now that we're halfway through 2008, let's
take an inventory. I'm hoping that six months from now, you'll look back
and make the following declaration: "I've learned more about love in the
past 12 months than maybe I ever have. I've also become far more skilled
in the art of making myself happy. And I've finally figured out how to
purge some of the martyr-like aspects from my generosity, which means
I'm better able to give without strings attached and I'm more attractive
to interesting people who are inclined to give me things I really want."

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): How well are you capitalizing on this year's
unique opportunities, Libra? Now that we're halfway through 2008, let's
take an inventory. I'm hoping that six months from now, you'll look back
and make the following declaration: "It's so funny that in order to find out
where I truly belong, I had to change my ideas about where I truly belong.
Feeling at home on this planet and in this life wasn't possible until I got
cured of my delusions about what it would feel like to be at home on this
planet and in this life. I had to lose some of my certainties in order to gain
more security."

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): How well are you capitalizing on this year's
unique opportunities, Scorpio? Now that we're halfway through 2008,
let's take an inventory. One of the most important things you're doing, I
hope, is increasing your effectiveness as a communicator. What do I mean
by that? While it's true that you Scorpios gather information more
skillfully than any other sign, you aren't necessarily as blessed when it
comes to *sharing* information. In part that's because you believe that
keeping secrets enhances your personal power. And in part it's because
you sometimes forget that other people aren't as clued in to what's
happening below the surface as you are. Your mandate in the coming
months is to overcome those challenges as you learn to express yourself
with ever-greater candor and clarity and clout.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): How well are you capitalizing on this
year's unique opportunities, Sagittarius? Now that we're halfway through
2008, let's take an inventory. I'm hoping that six months from now, you'll
look back and make the following declaration: "I'm on much friendlier
terms with money than I've ever been. I'm sure it's because I have a more
rooted and relaxed understanding of my true value, and am not so
attached to what other people think I'm worth. I've declared my
independence from the conventional wisdom's distorted worship of
superficial appearances. Ironically, as I've shaken off the sickening
influence of materialism, I've upgraded my ability to create material
success."

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): How well are you capitalizing on this year's
unique opportunities, Capricorn? Now that we're halfway through 2008,
let's take an inventory. Your self-image is in the midst of an exhilarating
expansion, right? Your excitement about being alive is growing steadily,
right? Your devotion to cultivating an inner sense of freedom is getting
more intense every day, right? You have an ever-increasing clarity about
what life experiences you need in order to feel powerful, right? If you're
falling short in any of these projects, start making up for lost time
immediately.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): How well are you capitalizing on this year's
unique opportunities, Aquarius? Now that we're halfway through 2008,
let's take an inventory. By now, you should have banished at least half of
the ghosts that were pestering you. By August, you should have
neutralized, dissolved, or rendered irrelevant a load of weird karma, and
said goodbye to parts of your past that were bogging you down. By
January 1, 2009, I hope you will have laid to rest a broken dream,
escaped a dead end, and ended your relationship with a lost cause. If you
have spent the last six months earnestly engaged in doing this tough,
messy work, it won't be anywhere near as tough and messy during the
next six months.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): How well are you capitalizing on this year's
unique opportunities, Pisces? Now that we're halfway through 2008, let's
take an inventory. You're getting better connected to your community
than you ever have before, right? You've become far more purposeful and
crafty about forging the alliances you need to be effective, right? You're
developing smart strategies for upgrading your unique gifts and giving
them to the right people, right? You're working hard to create niches for
yourself that suit your temperament and needs, and you're no longer
leaving it to other people to shape those niches for you, right?

ARIES (March 21-April 19): We're halfway through 2008. It's a perfect
moment to take inventory of how well you're capitalizing on this year's
unique opportunities. So let me ask you, Aries: Are you working your ass
off in order to stoke the fire in your belly? In other words, are you doing
everything you can think of to get more motivated? Are you trying hard
to supercharge your ambitions and refine your passions? If so, this will be
the year when you finally figure out how to do what you love to do a
majority of the time -- and how to get rewarded by the world for doing it.
It's high time to answer your highest calling.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): We're halfway through 2008. It's time to take
inventory of how well you're capitalizing on this year's unique
opportunities. So let me ask you, Taurus. Have you been climbing out on a
limb in order to think outside of the box? Have you been having
adventurous fun while experimenting freely? I hope so. Playing around
with smart gambles has been and will continue to be the secret to your
success. Note well the adjective "smart" in the previous sentence. Dumb
gambles and poorly thought-out risks should *not* be part of your game
plan.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): How well are you capitalizing on this year's
unique opportunities, Gemini? Now that we're halfway through 2008, let's
take an inventory. I'm hoping that six months from now, you'll look back
and make the following declaration: "This year I've learned more about
togetherness and collaboration than I'd picked up in the previous five
years combined. I've finally registered the fact that a successful alliance
of any kind requires as much hard work as any job. Most of my important
relationships are better and more interesting, and the rest have faded
away. I've surprised myself with how creative I've been in finding
interesting ways to handle commitment."



HOMEWORK: Make a prediction about what your life will be like in the
second half of 2008.
Testify by going to RealAstrology.com
and clickiing on "Email Rob."

2:53 PM - 5 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

Your Chalice

My latest book is
PRONOIA IS THE ANTIDOTE FOR PARANOIA:
How the Whole World
Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings,

It's available for sale at
Amazon and Powells.


Here's an excerpt from PRONOIA

YOUR CHALICE

Visualize a chalice—a ceremonial drinking cup. What's the first image that
comes up for you? Picture it in your mind's eye. Is it silver? Ceramic?
Plastic? What color? How big is it? Is it long-stemmed or squat? Does it
have a wide, shallow cup or a tall, narrow one, or what? Close your eyes
and spend a moment with this vision before reading on.

*

So you've pictured a chalice in your mind's eye. Here's an analysis of its
possible meaning: What you envisioned represents your capacity to be
filled up with goodies. It's a snapshot of your subconscious receptivity to
favors and help and inspiration.

For instance, if you imagined a shallow plastic champagne glass, it
signifies that you may not be well prepared to drink deeply of the elixirs
the universe is conspiring to provide you.

On the other hand, a large-volume, gracefully shaped sterling silver cup
suggests that you're ready and willing to receive a steady outpouring of
wonders.

A long-stemmed chalice may indicate you're inclined to be aggressive
about filling your cup. A short, squat stem could mean you're not feeling
very deserving of having your cup filled.

*

Now here's the fun part. If you visualized an inadequate chalice, you can
change it. If you pictured a chalice you like, you can add more details to
it.

Take some time to picture a vessel that's perfectly worth of you. Imprint
it on your imagination. Then, for the next nine days, conjure it up every
morning for five minutes right after you wake up, and every evening for
five minutes before you go to sleep. It will reprogram your subconscious
mind to be ready and willing to accept all the favors and help and
inspiration you need.

That in turn will exert an influence on your surroundings, making it easier
for the world to deliver its favors and help and inspiration.


To read features from my book, go HERE.

To buy PRONOIA IS THE ANTIDOTE FOR PARANOIA:
How the Whole World
Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings,
the book from which the above piece is excerpted, go
to Amazon and Powells.

4:33 PM - 5 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

Free Will Astrology for the Week Beginning June 12

Copyright 2008 by Rob Brezsny




GEMINI (May 21-June 20): "The best time for me is when I don't have any
problems that I can't buy my way out of," said Andy Warhol. If that
formulation is true, you're going to have a light warm breeze of a week,
Gemini -- a time so smooth and easy and free you may wonder if the gods
made a mistake and bestowed the sublime karma of some beatific saint
on you. Here's my prediction: The only problems you'll have will be those
you can buy your way out of. And they won't even be very expensive.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): In the film *War Games,* a hacker taps in to a
remote mainframe and begins to play a game he finds there. As it turns
out, the mainframe is an artificially intelligent supercomputer that serves
as hub of operations for the U.S. Air Force, and the game has real-world
consequences. The hacker inadvertently triggers a cascade of events that
could launch an actual global conflagration. After many scary plot turns,
the danger of disaster dissipates when the supercomputer makes a
momentous decision: The only way to win the game is to not play it. That
approach could work well for you, my fellow Crab. The game you're
playing is nowhere near as dangerous as the one in *War Games,* of
course, but why not play to win?

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): ButlersGuild.com named Mr. Ravi Shankar as its
Butler of the Year. Serving as Head Butler of the Qasr Al Sharq hotel in
Jeddah, Saudi Arabia, Shankar "always acts with complete integrity in
everything he does." Your simple yet arduous assignment, Leo, is to be
worthy of that same description. Are you up to the challenge? Can you be
morally and ethically impeccable, between now and noon on June 18, in
every single thing you do and say and think? Do you have the willpower to
be absolutely free of hypocrisies, deceits, and manipulations? Can you
refrain from speaking derisive or careless words about anyone, while at
the same time being rigorously authentic and intent on telling the deepest
truths?

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): "The job of the newspaper is to comfort the
afflicted and afflict the comfortable," said journalist Finley Peter Dunne. In
that spirit, Virgo, here are your assignments for the coming week: 1.
Critique and question and agitate the parts of yourself that are
complacent or addicted to convenience. 2. Give help, sympathy, and
encouragement to the parts of yourself that are off-center or out-of-
focus. 3. Shake up the static, habit-entranced situations you see around
you. 4. Be generous and creative with those who are suffering.




* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


LISTEN TO AN EXPANDED HOROSCOPE

In addition to the horoscopes that come to you in this newsletter, I create
more in-depth audio horoscopes for your inspiration. I think of them as
my love letters to you. They're $6 if you access them on the Web, or
$1.99 per minute over the phone.

Try them at RealAstrology.com.

They're available by phone at 1-877-873-4888
or 1-900-950-7700.


"Your audio horoscopes help me love myself better, and I mean that in a
non-narcissistic way."
-Deva P., Indianapolis

"I'm really grateful for the way you pick up my telepathic requests and
answer them in your expanded audio 'scopes."
-Marion H., Birmingham, AL



* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): "I've been all over the world and have lived
among every kind of culture," wrote Dan Liebert on mcsweeneys.net,
"and I can say, without any hesitation, that the most ignorant, rude,
selfish, and self-centered people on Earth are babies." I agree with him,
though I've got to add that it's senseless to get mad at babies for being
such jerks. Their brains simply aren't sufficiently well-developed to be any
different. This line of thought can be applied to a whole range of bad
behavior by people who have technically reached adulthood: They engage
in ill-advised actions not out of evil intent but because they're emotionally
immature. Keep that in mind as you deal with anyone who's doing
unreasonable things. Be the composed adult who's in charge of leading
the big babies.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Danny Anderson was out feeding his horses
in Prosser, Washington when a rattlesnake slithered into the barn.
Anderson took a shovel and decapitated it. The dangerous creature was
neutralized, right? Not quite. When Anderson reached down to pick up
the severed head a few minutes later, it pulled off a nightmarish move
seen only in horror films: It came back to life just long enough to bite him.
Luckily, Anderson was fine after a trip to the hospital to receive anti-
venom treatment. The metaphorical moral of the story, as far as you
Scorpios are concerned: When your brave efforts finally eliminate a threat,
don't let down your guard or get overconfident. Be absolutely positively
sure that it's really gone.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): You really have no right to tear yourself
down. Badmouthing yourself is a first-degree sin, and so is being mean to
yourself or depriving yourself of the care you need to thrive. This is
always true, of course, but in the coming week it's more crucial than ever
that you refrain from even the subtlest forms of self-abuse. To be
anything less than an imaginative lover and nurturer toward yourself could
upset the cosmic equilibrium so profoundly that everyone else would
suffer, too. Therefore, you owe it to the rest of us to shower yourself
with blessings.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Pumice, which is created by volcanic
eruptions, is filled with holes, which means that it's sometimes light
enough to glide on the surface of a body of water. I urge you to use this
floatable rock as a metaphor. Think of the heaviest burden you're carrying
-- an apparently insoluble problem, a thankless responsibility, a task that
seems impossible -- and imagine over the next few days that it is
changing into a hunk of pumice. When the transformation is complete,
visualize yourself throwing it into a fast-flowing river, and then watch as it
gets carried away, ultimately turning into a tiny, bobbing speck that
disappears over the horizon.



* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


LISTEN TO AN EXPANDED HOROSCOPE


In addition to the horoscopes that you're reading here, I create audio
horoscopes for your amusement and inspiration. Find out more at
RealAstrology.com.

The audio horoscopes are also available by phone at 1-877-873-4888 or
1-900-950-7700.


"The best part about your audio horoscopes is that they pat me on the
head and kick me in the ass at the same time." - Rita L., San Diego

"Your audio oracles go beyond helping me find the truth -- they inspire
me to find the WILD truth." - Patrick K., Montreal

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): In his song "Bird on a Wire," Leonard Cohen
says, "Like a bird on a wire / Like a drunk in a midnight choir / I have tried
in my way to be free." Your assignment, Aquarius, is to wail, moan, or
croon your own personal version of that song. Here's how I suggest you
proceed. First, identify specific actions you've taken to advance your
quest for liberation. Include even the modest accomplishments and
goofball attempts. Second, imagine the strategies you'll pursue in the
future to get more leeway and latitude for yourself. You might want to
start by purging your mind of beliefs that place unwarranted limitations
on you. Now start singing!

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): It's an ideal time to stir up fresh insights
about important people whose charms you've grown numb to . . . to
mutate your perspectives about situations you've become overly familiar
with . . . to come up with revised interpretations for past events about
which new information has emerged. To get in the right frame of mind,
study these novel definitions of common words, supplied by readers of
*The Washington Post* in response to a contest. Airstrip: to pretend to
take off your clothes. Algebra: lingerie worn by mermaids. Blunderbuss: to
French-kiss your boss's wife at the office Christmas party. Bumbling: butt
cheek piercings. Fulcrum: a supermodel's big meal. Flagellation: beating on
your political opponent by questioning his patriotism.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): "Successful representations of reality become
more important than the reality they represent," writes W. Daniel Hillis at
The World Question Center (...com/ywth3). Examples: paper money
supersedes gold; a painting has more value than the landscape it depicts;
the status that an achievement brings begins to overshadow the
achievement. The coming days are an excellent time for you to
contemplate how this phenomenon might be in play in your life, and
whether it's causing any distortions you need to correct. Start with this
meditation: Is there any way in which you've become so focused on the
map that you have neglected the territory?

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): While driving in suburbia, I saw a sign in the
yard of a home whose grounds were being renovated. It was an ad for the
landscaping company that was doing the work. "Mesmerize visitors with
your garden," it read. Judging from your astrological omens, Taurus, I
think you're in an excellent position to do just that. It's your turn to
enthrall and enchant people with your metaphorical "garden," whether
that's a gourmet meal you cook, an outing you plan, a set of songs you
sing, a report you prepare, or any other fine demonstration of your
beauty and talents.



HOMEWORK: Where in your life do you push harder than is healthy? Where
do you not push hard enough?
Testify by going to RealAstrology.com
and clickiing on "Email Rob."

12:57 AM - 6 Comments - 11 Kudos - Add Comment

Evil Is Boring

My latest book is
PRONOIA IS THE ANTIDOTE FOR PARANOIA:
How the Whole World
Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings,

It's available for sale at
Amazon and Powells.


Here's an excerpt from PRONOIA

EVIL IS BORING

When an old tree in the rain forest dies and topples over, it takes a long
time to decompose. As it does, it becomes host to new saplings that use
the decaying log for nourishment.

Picture yourself sitting in the forest gazing upon this scene. How do you
describe it? Would you dwell on the putrefaction of the fallen tree while
ignoring the fresh life sprouting out of it? If you did, you'd be imitating
the perspective of many modern storytellers, especially the journalists
and novelists and filmmakers and producers of TV dramas.

They devoutly believe that tales of affliction and mayhem and corruption
and tragedy are inherently more interesting than tales of triumph and
liberation and pleasure and ingenuity. Using the machinery of the media
and entertainment industries, they relentlessly propagate this covert
dogma. It's not sufficiently profound or well thought out to be called
nihilism. Pop nihilism is a more accurate term. The mass audience is the
victim of this inane ugliness, brainwashed by a multibillion-dollar
propaganda machine that in comparison makes Himmler's vaunted soul-
stealing apparatus look like a child's backyard puppet show.

At the Beauty and Truth Laboratory, we believe that stories about the rot
are not inherently more captivating than stories about the splendor. On
the contrary, given how predictable and omnipresent the former have
become, they are actually quite dull. Obsessing on evil is boring. Rousing
fear is a hackneyed shtick. Wallowing in despair is a bad habit. Indulging in
cynicism is akin to committing a copycat crime.

Most modern storytellers go even further in their devotion to the rot,
implying that breakdown is not only more interesting but far more
common than breakthrough. We reject this assumption as well. We don't
believe that entropy dominates the human experience. Even factoring in
the prevailing misery in the Middle East and Africa, we doubt that the
Global Bad Nasty Ratio ever exceeds 50 percent. And here in the West,
where most of you reading this live, the proportion is lower.

Still, we're willing to let the news media fill up half their pages and
airwaves and bandwidths with poker-faced accounts of decline and
degeneration. We can tolerate a reasonable proportion of movies and
novels and TV dramas that revel in pathology. But we also demand EQUAL
TIME for stories about integrity and joy and beauty and bliss and renewal
and harmony and love. That's all we ask: a mere 50 percent.

I vividly recall a shock I had in April 2000. While perusing the front page
of my local daily newspaper, I found a tiny oasis of redemptive news
amidst the usual accounts of reeling turmoil. It reported that inner cities
all over America were undergoing a profound renaissance. From Los
Angeles to New Orleans to Boston, the poorest sections of town were
becoming markedly safer. New businesses were opening, capital was
flowing in, neighborhood clean-ups were proliferating, drug sales were
decreasing, and people were relaxing on their front porches again.

I was amazed that such an uplifting story had cracked the media's taboo
against good news. And yet its anomalous presence as an exception to
the rule proved that the rule is virtually ironclad.

At this late date in the evolution of pop nihilism, the problem is not
merely the media's relentless brainwashing. We of the mass audience have
become thoroughly converted to the sadomasochistic vision of the world:
so much so that we've almost lost the power even to perceive evidence
that contradicts that vision. The good news is virtually invisible.

Even those of us whose passion it is to champion the cause of beauty and
truth are in the early stages of fighting our blindness. We are retraining
our eyes to see the emancipating truth about the nature of reality.

•

As we gather the secret stories of the human race's glories and success,
the Beauty and Truth Laboratory doesn't spend much time on ho-hum
data like, "Two thousand planes took off yesterday and all landed safely."
We leave that to others with more patience. Our preferred evidence
emphasizes the triumphs that have entertainment value equal to the bad
nasty stuff.

We also want our good news to consist of more than reports about hurts
being healed and disasters being averted. We celebrate the family of the
deceased Israeli girl who gave her heart to be transplanted into a sick
Palestinian boy, but we also want a front-page story about physicist Paul
Ginsparg, who has revolutionized scientific communication by creating a
free service for publishing and reading research reports on the Internet.

We cheer forest protection activist Odigha Odiga's successful campaign
to preserve Nigeria's last remaining rain forests, but we want to hear
more about George Soros, whose philanthropy has provided billions of
dollars in support for intellectual freedom and democratic societies in
more than 30 countries.

We honor West Virginia's Julia Bonds, who has made headway in her
campaign to halt mountaintop coal mining before it turns more river
valleys into waste dumps, but we also want sensational acknowledgment
for Ruth Lilly, who donated $100 million of her fortune to Poetry
magazine, even though its editors had rejected all the poems she had
submitted for possible publication over the years.

•

I invite you to share with us the interesting good news you come across
in your travels. Not sentimental tales of generic hope; not "Chicken Soup
for the Soul;" not life imitating the faux Hollywood art of contrived happy
endings; but rather crafty, enigmatic, lyrical eruptions of the sublime;
unpredictable outbreaks of soul that pass Emily Dickinson's test for
poetry: She said she always knew when she was reading the real thing
because it made her feel like the top of her head was about to come off.

Feel free, too, to take up the cause of zoom and boom as you resist the
practitioners of doom and gloom in your own sphere. Demand equal time
for news about integrity and joy and beauty and pleasure and renewal and
harmony and love. In your personal life, be alert for stories that tend to
provide evidence for the fact that all of creation is conspiring to give us
exactly what we need, exactly when we need it.

P.S. Part of our task is to hunt down and identify the interesting good
news that's going on now. But we've also been charged with the job of
creating the good news that's coming.


To read features from my book, go HERE.

To buy PRONOIA IS THE ANTIDOTE FOR PARANOIA:
How the Whole World
Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings,
the book from which the above piece is excerpted, go
to Amazon and Powells.

11:56 AM - 4 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

Free Will Astrology for the Week Beginning June 5

Copyright 2008 by Rob Brezsny




GEMINI (May 21-June 20): "The truth is *always* more interesting that
your preconception of what it might be," says author Steven Levy.
Journalists "should not have the stories written out in their heads before
they report them. Preconceptions can blind you to the full, rich human
reality that awaits you when you actually listen to your subjects and
approach the material with an open mind." I think that's an excellent
strategy to use even if you're not a journalist -- and especially for you
right now, while you're in a phase when the healing shock of the new is
available everywhere you go.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Whatever you do, Cancerian, DON'T open the
door of that closet that hasn't been opened in years. DON'T poke your
nose into the funny business that has been going on behind the scenes.
DON'T peek inside Pandora's *other* box, or pick the fruit of temptation
off the tree of knowledge, or rush in, like a trusting fool, where angels
fear to tread. DON'T do any of these controversial, forbidden things, my
dear Crab -- unless you want to risk embarking on some enigmatic,
elemental, enlightening adventures.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): I happen to like *The Bees Made Honey in the
Lion's Skull,* a CD by sludge rockers Earth. But I'm not urging you to get
a copy of it so much as I'm suggesting that you carry out a metaphorical
equivalent of what the album's title describes. This is a perfect time for
you to create something sweet in a situation that once scared the sleep
out of you.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): In the ancient text known as the *Sutra of
Forty-two Chapters,* the Buddha is quoted as saying, "My doctrine is to
think the thought that is unthinkable, to practice the deed that is
unperformable, to speak the speech that is inexpressible, and to be
trained in the discipline that is beyond discipline." Those happen to be
your tough assignments in the coming week, Virgo. You will actually have
a good chance at succeeding if you refuse to be excessively sober and
serious in your approach. The more fun you have and the more playful
your style is, the greater the likelihood is that you will pull off subtle yet
spectacular feats that may seem impossible to more no-nonsense people.




* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


LISTEN TO AN EXPANDED HOROSCOPE

In addition to the horoscopes that come to you in this newsletter, I create
more in-depth audio horoscopes for your inspiration. I think of them as
my love letters to you. They're $6 if you access them on the Web, or
$1.99 per minute over the phone.

Try them at RealAstrology.com.

They're available by phone at 1-877-873-4888
or 1-900-950-7700.


"Your audio horoscopes help me love myself better, and I mean that in a
non-narcissistic way."
-Deva P., Indianapolis

"I'm really grateful for the way you pick up my telepathic requests and
answer them in your expanded audio 'scopes."
-Marion H., Birmingham, AL



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LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): "Dear Dr. Brezsny: I love my weekly dose of
astrological wit, but I've got to say that if I had all the fun and revelry you
predict, I wouldn't be a morose meandering malcontent, as I am now. And
if I had even half of the flirting and romance that your prophecies
promise, I certainly wouldn't be home on Saturday nights playing World of
Warcraft. I must conclude that you're living in a different dimension than I
am. So how do I get over there to where you are? - Up-in-the-Air Libra."
Dear Up-in-the-Air: Funny you should mention this. Due to a rare crack in
the space-time continuum, there's currently a wormhole between my
dimension and the dimension where up-in-the-air Libras live. Come on
over! You'll know you're near the portal when you feel an urge to
exuberantly leap up off your feet for no reason.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Please join me in a boycott of horoscope
columns and astrology books that insinuate all Scorpios are cruel,
perverted, power-mad jealousy freaks. Let's refuse to read those
propagandists until they cease and desist from brainwashing the masses
into directing bigotry toward your tribe. It's true that there are some less-
evolved Scorpios who speed up their cars to run over small animals and
treat romance as a game in which there can be only one winner. But do
we demonize all scientists simply because a few mad physicists created
weapons of mass destruction? Of course not. I hereby proclaim June to
be Scorpio Pride Month -- a time to celebrate your winning qualities,
especially your unparalleled skill at helping to activate the dormant
potentials of people you care about. Promise me you'll do that even more
intensely than usual.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): "Take time to stop and smell the
flowers," says an old homily. Albert Hoffman, the Swiss scientist who
discovered LSD and lived to age 102, had a different approach. "Take the
time to stop and *be* the flowers," he said. That's my advice to you,
Sagittarius. Don't just set aside a few stolen moments to sniff the
snapdragons, taste the rain, chase the wind, watch the hummingbirds,
and listen to a friend. Use your imagination to actually BE the
snapdragons and rain and wind and hummingbirds and friend. It's time to
not just behold the Other, but to *become* the Other.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): What Martin Luther King Jr. said about
epic struggles in the political arena is also apt for you in your private life,
especially now: "Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do
that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." I recommend
that you translate his advice into the intimate details of your
relationships. If you really do that with the irresistible force of your
burning conviction, you will prove another one of King's excellent
thoughts: "Unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word
in reality."




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LISTEN TO AN EXPANDED HOROSCOPE


In addition to the horoscopes that you're reading here, I create audio
horoscopes for your amusement and inspiration. Find out more at
RealAstrology.com.

The audio horoscopes are also available by phone at 1-877-873-4888 or
1-900-950-7700.


"The best part about your audio horoscopes is that they pat me on the
head and kick me in the ass at the same time." - Rita L., San Diego

"Your audio oracles go beyond helping me find the truth -- they inspire
me to find the WILD truth." - Patrick K., Montreal

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AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Scientists used to believe that a butterfly
has no recollection of its previous life as a caterpillar. The pupa breaks
down into primal goo during its metamorphosis, they said, erasing all
trace of its caterpillar brain. But new research suggests that there is in
fact continuity. At least some of what the caterpillar learned remains
available to the butterfly. As you carry out your own personal mutation in
the coming months, Aquarius, I believe you will experience a similar
process, thus ensuring that the New You has most of the wisdom that the
Old You possessed.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): It's Blame All Your Problems on God Week.
You have license to shun responsibility for the pain you feel and the
messes you've made, and instead ascribe it all to the Divine Mischief
Maker. The secret of achieving success in this enterprise is to act as if
your dilemmas really do have nothing to do with anything you've done,
but have been entirely caused by God's mistakes, his intentional cruelty,
or his wicked sense of humor. By the way, Accept Total Responsibility for
Your Problems Week is coming up next, and to observe that holiday
correctly you will have to be thoroughly sincere about this week's. P.S.
It's crucial that you really do blame everything on God, and not on actual
human beings. P.P.S. If you're an atheist, it's Blame All Your Problems on
Your Parents Week.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Since authoring the book *Brazen Careerist:
The New Rules for Success,* Penelope Trunk has written a blog that
offers further advice. Recently she wrote about a subject I'd love for you
to think about: mentors. You're in a phase when you have a heightened
knack for identifying and attracting and learning from the guides you
need. Here's one of Trunk's most crucial points: To take maximum
advantage of your teachers, ask them what questions you should be
asking them. Don't assume you always know what you need to find out.
(You can read Trunk's post at ...com/5ofj9x.)

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): "Woodsman Claims: 'Lady Bigfoot Kept Me as
Her Love Slave!'" That was the headline of a report in the *Weekly World
News.* In addition to providing fascinating details about the man's
captivity, the article also had a helpful section on the jobs most likely to
get someone kidnapped by a female sasquatch. They included lumberjack,
surveyor, landscape artist, and ornithologist. In my astrological opinion,
that list should be amended, at least for the next few weeks, to note that
*Taurus* lumberjacks, surveyors, landscape artists, and ornithologists are
especially susceptible. Why do I say that? Because according to my
projections, many of you Tauruses will be swept up in or profoundly
influenced by powerful feminine energy.



HOMEWORK: Talk yourself into being proud about something you've
always felt sheepish or shy about.
Testify by going to RealAstrology.com
and clickiing on "Email Rob."

1:39 PM - 6 Comments - 12 Kudos - Add Comment

Get Your Pronoia On

My latest book is
PRONOIA IS THE ANTIDOTE FOR PARANOIA:
How the Whole World
Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings,

It's available for sale at
Amazon and Powells.


Here's a look at PRONOIA
by the San Francisco Chronicle's Mark Morford

GET YOUR PRONOIA ON
Read it, learn it, lick it
by Mark Morford

Just to reassure you that there is a sort of luscious divine symmetry to
the universe, Rob Brezsny's fabulously weird workbook/reader/throbbing
compendium of astounding factoids and breathtaking verbal uppers and
orgasmic intellectual sighs, called Pronoia (or, more completely,
Pronoia Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring
to Shower You with Blessings), Rob's book got a relatively massive
excerpting in the equally radiant Sun magazine, thus bringing together two
forces of light and heat and joy in a divine cataclysm of literary flora that
is simply not to be missed.

Do you subscribe to The Sun yet? Do you have a copy of Pronoia yet?
Why the hell not? Do you read Brezsny's famed and beloved Free Will
Astrology site (or newsletter) already? Then you know: the guy writes like
he's been dipped in chocolate and rolled in electric candy sprinkles and is
being licked all over by Shiva's cheerleaders. What, you'd rather skim
through Architectural Digest and stare numbly at the $75,000 kitchens
that make you feel ugly and small? Please. Get this book. Get this
magazine. Up your vibration. Do it now.

Pronoia has so many fascinating interglobal tidbits of cool information, so
many gleaming slices of cultural/spiritual commentary per square
paragraph, it makes The Farmer's Almanac shudder and sigh. It ain't no
linear read. It's a messy cosmic workbook written by horny elves drunk on
Laudanum and clouds. I cannot possibly excerpt it sufficiently here,
though I do have a favorite line. It is this: "Gravity f--ks me, and I f--k it
right back." You have to read it in context, in the flow, with the swear
words nicely intact, naked.

Look, it's only 13 bucks at Amazon or 19 at Cody's or Powell's (where
your buck does a lot more). And The Sun is only 36 bucks a year for
some of the most beautiful and elegant and hype-less and happily ad-free
writing you've ever read. You can find the PDF file for Brezsny's *Pronoia*
excerpt on this page:

Download it now. Read it. Then buy the book and subscribe to the
magazine and wonder how the hell you ever lived without either and then
email me and tell me how good it all is and buy me a nice tube of
L'Occitane honey incense as a thank-you and let us all swoon in
interconnected Yes-ness. Plus, they make amazing gifts. Duh.


To read features from my book, go HERE.

To buy PRONOIA IS THE ANTIDOTE FOR PARANOIA:
How the Whole World
Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings,
the book from which the above piece is excerpted, go
to Amazon and Powells.

2:59 PM - 4 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment