Doubt
Current mood: forgotten
Category: Writing and Poetry

I only seem to write when I'm depressed...well, here ya go.

Doubt

Alone, oblivious of life, I sit here

Yearning for an ally, maybe just a friend

They used to be so apparent to me, so clear

They were supposed to be here to the bitter end

Now I sit, alone inside and out

Choking and gagging on my own doubt

Deafened by the stillness of the hush

Blinded by the lack of affection, the lack of love

Sitting unaccompanied, the world spinning by in a rush

I stare at the stars wishing for help or something from above

Here I sit, alone inside and out

Choking and gagging on my own doubt

Fearing this will last forever and always

Worried I'll never find true companionship

Drowning in my sorrow, seems to last for days

Salty streams flowing, drip, drip, drip

Nowadays I sit, alone inside and out

Choking and gagging on my own doubt

My hope is dwindling, disappearing in the haze

Suffering and sniffling, just a helpless mess

Save me from myself, lost in life's cruel maze

Don't want to struggle on, don't want to confess

In endless time I sit, alone inside and out

Choking and gagging on my own doubt

There's no freeing me now, these chains are stiff

No getting me out, I'm under lock and key

The only way to freedom is over that cliff

Don't miss me when I'm gone, please don't worry

Forever I sit, alone inside and out

Choking and gagging on my own doubt

The way to free my mind, only a few steps away

Rocky and rigid, it's a long way down from here

Anything to end this craziness, this hateful day

One step, now falling, my mind finally clear

2:17 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Don’t Look at Me
Current mood: forgotten
Category: Writing and Poetry

I haven't written in a while...

Helpless, hopeless, spiral me down

Repulsed by the thing peering back

Sickened from the hunger, the need

Disgusted by my lack of will

Don't look at me

Not like this

Another day wasted and gone

Slipped up again and again

The harder I try to stop,

The more I feed, consuming

Don't look at me

Not like this

Ashamed and lost

Silent cries for help

Surrounded and alone

Silent sobs of shame

Don't look at me

Not like this

Unable to draw the attention

Can't overcome this disease

Stop me; slap me down

Take away my drug, my need

Don't look at me

Not like this

Heavy and weighed

Splitting at the seams

Battling by myself

Defeated, it's too late

4:59 PM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

I’m Fine Now
Current mood: discontent
Category: Writing and Poetry

This is my therapy...so I hope to write a lot in the near future to deal with things.  As always, your feedback is much appreciated.

I'm Fine Now

I'm fine now, thanks for asking

Thanks for giving a shit about me

Yeah me, the one drowning

Drowning in my own demise

I'm fine now, thanks for caring

Thanks for being there for me

Yeah me, the one suffering

Suffering with the demons in my head

I'm fine now, thanks for listening

Thanks for lending a hand to me

Yeah me, the one fighting

Fighting to stay above the current

I'm fine now, thanks for loving

Thanks for bending over backwards for me

Yeah me, the one crying

Crying out for help and got none

I'm fine now, thanks for watching

Thanks for witnessing the death of me

Yeah me, the one dying

Dying inside from mental anguish

I'm fine now, thanks for nothing

Thanks for turning your back on me

Yeah me, the one departed

Departed from this so-called life

I'm fine now, thanks for something

Thanks for finding peace for me

Yeah me, and my final goodbye

Goodbye from my darkened place of rest

8:24 AM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Suffering
Current mood: depressed
Category: Writing and Poetry

I haven't posted in quite a while. 

Suffering

Pools of crystal blue penetrate my shield

Slip inside to steal my innocence

Leaving nothing but this shell

Forever gagged and bound

Those words take me back again

Quivering on the bathroom floor

Disgust overflowing, overwhelming

Scalding water does not lend a hand

No one knows my pain, my loathing

What it's like to relive the act

Hatred spitting from my mouth

Yet no response is given, no help here

Alone in my head, I sit here blank

Protecting myself, or so I think

No one can touch me, can't get close

I'm not ready I say, still not ready

Leave me to my suffering

Locked inside my head

I cannot love this beast, this wench

I've created a monster, delusional

My world, dark and eerie

My life, sick and alone

My son suffers in the shadow

The shadow my darkness casts

Help me before I destroy myself

Reach out to me, I plea

Hold my hand, lead me to safety

Tell me it will all be okay

2:25 PM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Invitation for Death
Current mood: depressed
Category: Writing and Poetry

Invitation for Death 2/26/08

Satan's tongue lashes my thoughts

Wicked words swirl, stabbing

Phrases stop me, stunned, caught

Cold, calloused heart offers no healing

Relentless, she shreds my pride

Rips at my emotion, beats me down

Ruthless stare, presents no merciful side

On my knees, begging and bound

I'm drowning now, can't catch my breath

My world is spinning murky, mad

Searching for her, wanting death

Needing to end this, I'm pitiful, sad

Icy cold water burns, gargling, gasping

Salty sea wounds my eyes, blinded

Welcoming pain, reaching, grasping

Losing the fight I give in, knotted

I give myself, a gift, a sacrifice

Take what's left of this body, broken

Finish crushing my mind in your vice

You already have my soul, darkened

9:44 AM - 4 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

Desert Stroll
Current mood: Insane
Category: Insane Writing and Poetry

Not my usual style, but I hope you like it.

Desert Stroll

I wander the desert, thirsty for life

Hydration gone, my blood runs thick

Curdling through my veins

My voice, merely a raspy whisper

Delusions call and say hello

Cruelness offers me a ride

His chariot always just beyond

He leads me through insanity

Crimson skies beg forgiveness

Misplaced by a raging wind

A dark hole in me searches

Hoping to find the sun

My feet walk away from me

Abandoning me, leaving me to rot

The warm sand takes my hand

Leading me to death's retreat

He offers me a cup of tea

A nice chat by the pool

His gentleness surprises me

When he takes my last breath

7:33 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Why
Current mood: confused
Category: Writing and Poetry

Why

Why'd you have to kiss me?

Turn my world upside down

Why'd you have to hold me?

Feelings repressed now found

I look into your eyes, I am lost

The sanity I found now spent

My heart consumes me, at great cost

Explosion of emotions leave me bent

Why'd you have to kiss me?

Send me spiraling out of control

Why'd you have to hold me?

Emptiness destroys me, once whole

She still holds a piece of your soul

It shows in the wet tears on your face

Let her go, so you can be complete and whole

You're only drowning in this place

Why'd you have to kiss me?

And give me false hope

Why'd you have to hold me?

When I was just starting to cope

I need you to open your heart

Let me in, I can ease your pain

We're both lost when we're apart

We were made to keep each other sane

Why'd you have to kiss me?

My love for you returns

Why'd you have to hold me?

My passion flickers and burns

You only want me when poison devours your mind

You lead me on again just when I think it's over

Your drink tricks me, only makes me blind

Your world is closed when you're sober

Why'd you have to kiss me?

When tomorrow you won't call

Why'd you have to hold me?

When you'll only let me fall

11:04 AM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Your Kiss
Category: Writing and Poetry

Your Kiss

Your kiss lingers upon my lips

Your warmth still caressing my skin

You look at me and smile; my heart flips

Your music brings life to my soul within

Your company consumes me

Your laugh is so addicting

Your words sound of sweet poetry

Your friendship everlasting

Your embrace feels like home

Your smell, such a perfect scent

You're uplifting when I'm alone

You're calming when I'm bent

Your interest in my words is genuine

Your conversation full of heart

Your companionship consoles me again

Your worries flatter when I depart

8:46 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Giving Up
Current mood: disappointed
Category: Writing and Poetry

Giving Up

What's the point?

Why try anymore?

What difference does it make?

No one cares if I go…

My hard work means nothing

My dedication goes unnoticed

My education just a piece of paper

My voice lost in the crowd

I try to be the best I can be

I try to make a difference

I try to raise the standards

I try to be heard

I am lost in the sea of life…drowning in it

I have no direction anymore

Life's meaning lost forever

A road I don't care to travel

I'm giving up here

I've already lost the battle

My wounds are deep, sure to scar

My blood is on their hands

I've given up now

Time to end the show

Say a prayer for me

Watch me as I go

Currently listening : Minutes to Midnight By Linkin Park Release date: 15 May, 2007

7:11 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

The Beast Within (co-written by a close friend, Chris)
Current mood: argumentative
Category: Writing and Poetry

We wrote this one together a few weekends ago.  Hope you all like it.

The Beast Within

blood runs thin our escape never forseen
we are lost in this great demise
we have given away to anothers line
parted by the great lie

we lie here asking
the same questions
they are never heard
nor seen or felt

rain upon me as you have
kill me with your lies
devour me with your sudden touch
poison me with your deception

rage creeps through my lips
fire waiting behind closed doors
my heart frozen with fear
unknown paths await

fading fast, losing the fight
the beast inside awakens
lost to his control
your life in his hands

gripping to the last piece of life
stolen by one so close
truth hidden, trust is lost
I breathe my last breath

with breath given..
we are lost souls

forever searching this truth
lost by words you spoke
giving up to worlds grasp
unspoken... left to chance


leave me tired
leave me brused
leave me alone


this hurt has seeked new life
within thy viens

these lies have shaped my new identity
I have become the monster I despise

lost in worry I have decided against
draining life as seen fit

fallling to the grave set below
six feet below surface

I will no longer breath this torment
I'll thank my death with my last
given breath

sealed with your kiss

my fate destroyed by your hand

let your conscience burn
for you have ended me

my soul in chains
my suffering
my curse

my world ends with one last scream

I will return
from the depths of hell
to torture you as you have done to me

your life will end
where mine begins

sealed with my kiss

left upon my lips
we had shared a bond broken

left to search this sorry place we
have called home

what would you do?
heart broken by this demise

yet we are standing on
solid ground I am not seen
or felt by the one needed

fallen for the last time

my tears were spared
and spent

nothing shared left to the hungry
I have lost everything

the rain will fall.........

Currently listening : Phobia By Breaking Benjamin Release date: 08 August, 2006

10:04 AM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment