Fay Hearts Florida
Current mood: Faint
Category: Faint Dreams and the Supernatural

South Skankonia , FL.  Tropical Storm Fay has decided to permanently take up residence in or around the state of Florida.

According to sources close to the sometimes-hurricane Fay, she has been smitten by Florida 's charms and is finding it nearly impossible to leave it behind.  She has been seeing showering the state with attention and rain for the better part of the week.  "It's hard not to get all swept up in Florida .  I mean, the beautiful beaches are too hard to pass up. I can't help but keep coming back," Fay said as she prepared to make her third entrance into the State in a week.

Fay has been spotted most recently visiting the city of St. Augustine , the oldest city in the U.S.   There she showed particular interest in the historical district.  "The history is just astounding and everything is just sooo beautiful.  I wish I stay here forever... and maybe now I can!" said Fay excitedly as she jumped into Ponce de Leon's fabled Fountain of Youth.

But some people aren't so sure about Fay's love of Florida .  Much has been said of the destruction that her presence has caused in the area and that if she really loved Florida like she says, she wouldn't continue hurting it like she is.  Fay has vehemently denied any kind of sadistic relationship with the 27^th State of the Union .  "It's just a little wind and water.  When has that ever hurt anyone?"

When questioned specifically about her reasons for unleashing a vicious tornado in the Barefoot Bay Area, Fay explained "I sneezed."

Some Floridian's are concerned with the undue attention Fay is showing to State and are growing concerned that her affinity for Florida may be turning into something more like an obsession.  "I think she had been talking about bringing her parents so that we could meet them," said a concerned Jacksonville resident.  "I don't know what Fay thinks, but we are not ready for that kind of relationship."

"How do you tell a cyclone capable of tornadic activity that you don't think it's working out?"

For the time being, no one is going to be breaking Fay's heart.  "Maybe she'll get tired of Florida like everyone eventually does, and will just leave," said a hopeful South Florida resident.

Fay was last spotted making plans to attend Fantasy Fest in Key West in a planner that whose cover read: "Fay + Florida = Forever."

1:27 AM - 36 Comments - 58 Kudos - Add Comment

I’m in the Library and I Really Should be Studying...
Current mood: Curly
Category: Curly Blogging

But I just really wanted to write a quick note to you guys.  A lot of things have happened in the last couple of months that have kept me away from here.  That's never an excuse, but it just seems so easy to put this off.  Alas, here I am, reporting for duty.

I was in a car accident the last week in June.  My poor Mini was rear-ended by a Ford F250 and sandwiched into another car.  I just got the car back this last Thursday.  Seven weeks in a stupid rental.  I got injured (upper back, shoulders and neck) and have been going to physical therapy 3 times a week since then.  I am feeling much better now, but I still have to take meds (that sometimes make me very dopey), and build up my strength.  I am recovering well, it's just that it takes time.  Soon enough I will be as good as new.

Two of my friends had babies in the last month and at least 3 other people close to me are pregnant.  My best friend in WI is having her 4th next March, Mike's sister is having her first baby in October (Mike will be an uncle for the first time), and my own little sister is having a little boy in January.  I will be an aunt again!!  I already have a 9 year-old nephew from my other sister whom I adore, so I am looking forward to have another baby with whom to play.

I started Law School this last week and it is crazy.  The sheer amount of work seems ridiculous and I have at least one professor that I KNOW will be a huge pain in the ass.  I like what I'm studying though, so that makes the work seem less torturous.  It is especially hard for me right now because my computer broke about a month ago and it's still getting fixed, plus I don't have money to buy another one until student loans come through, which may not be until next month.  That is why I am at the school now, trying to brief cases in the computer lab.  That is also the reason why I haven't been able to write more.

Work has been even crazier than law school because they let go my friend due to cutbacks and her job was distributed between me and one other co-worker.  Plus, we got  a new system that we started using 3 weeks ago and the transition has not been smooth.  But, hey, I'm not complaining, at least I have a job.

The economy is shit, Russia is becoming a huge pain in the ass, a storm is heading this way, the Olympic gymnastic competitions are AWESOME, I'm still in love and the world will be just fine.

Love you guys.  Miss me.

1:27 AM - 34 Comments - 48 Kudos - Add Comment

Wonder Bitch Homemaker
Current mood: Aware
Category: Aware Life

Yesterday I wanted to bake a cake for my co-worker's 40^th birthday.  Cupcakes, actually.  I made a mental list of the things I would need that I don't readily have in my house, you know like cake flour and sugar.  I was unsure whether I had enough eggs, or whether eggs go into a cake, but I knew I definitely had the utensils.

And did I ever.  I had the vehicle to turn all those ingredients into yummy, yummy Peterican rum cupcakes.  I own the Bentley of the mixer world. A Viking Stainless-Steel 7 Quart Stand Mixer.  Look at her...

Ain't she a beaut?

It is the most expensive decorative item in my pantry.  I've had it for three years now and it has had the pleasure of mixing one cheesecake batter, two batches of mashed potatoes, and a Ghirardelli brownie mix.  But not all at the same time, because that would be gross. 

In any case, I got called away last minute with an emergency and my plans of baking crumbled quicker than the burnt cheese in the oven after its "self-cleaning."

Side note: "Self-cleaning" ovens are a load of crap.  You can tell that by looking at the quotation marks on either side of the word.  If I have to set it to "CLEAN" and then I still have to wipe away all the ashes and deal with the left over extra-sticky stuff, I'M cleaning the oven. 

So, I arrived at the office this morning without any black-frosting cupcakes, much to the dismay of my co-workers who were counting on an afternoon of fueling themselves on rum-cupcakes and experiencing a sugar-induced frenzy, immediately followed by a swandive on to their keyboards once the rum kicked in.  Don't judge us.  We are stressed and sometimes a little alcoholic relief is in order.

Somehow, office water-cooler grumblings about cravings for rum and cake, and the mourning of a non-productive afternoon culminated in someone proclaiming "I would bake them if I could, but I can't do it.  I am not a Betty Homemaker."

"It's Susie Homemaker, not Betty"

"You saying Bette isn't a homemaker?"

"HA.  Me?  A Homemaker?  Honey, the only way you are going to get me to be a homemaker is if you somehow put homemaking into a videogame.  Then I'll be Bette-Freaking-Homemaker and I'll be homemaking all the time.  In fact I will become obsessed with homemaking.  I'll be dreaming up stuff to homemake, whatever that means, and trying to get all my Xbox Achievement Points in homemaking."

It's true.  The only gardening I have done in years was tending to my piñata garden in the Viva Piñata game.  I mean, can you see me with a shovel in my hands, dirt on my face, kneeling down to deweed my yard? 

Well, I guess I would if it involved a joystick, but I digress.

Next time I'm stopping at Publix and picking up cupcakes --that someone else had to make to earn a living, and soak them with rum.  Really, it's my patriotic duty.  I'm helping the economy.  I will use the last $10.00 of my Economic Stimulus Check; you know, all the money I have left over after splurging on frivolous things like gasoline and milk.

I'm done.  What are you up to?

1:27 AM - 65 Comments - 76 Kudos - Add Comment

Dean’s Scholar Award
Current mood: Honored
Category: Honored Goals, Plans, Hopes

Did I ever tell you guys that I flunked out of college on my first attempt? Yup. I was put on academic probation at the end of my freshman year. Then by the end of my sophomore year, I was put on academic suspension for a year. When I left (got kicked out of) the University of Puerto Rico my GPA was a dismal 1.61.

And now, so many years later, I have been designated as a Dean's Scholar. That means that I will receive my College of Law's highest, merit-based scholarship award. I am receiving a FULL TUITION scholarship from the school for the 2008-09 school year and all I have to do to keep it throughout my four years is to maintain a GPA that is at the median or above for my entering class.

In-state university tuition is cheap compared to private schools and out-of-state tuition. But better than cheap is free. You can't beat free. You can't beat it with a stick.

As soon as I received this news, I broke out crying like an idiot. I could not believe it. Even as I type this I am still a bit, no, make that a LOT in shock. I was worried that my atrocious GPA from my early years of college would keep me out of law school, so the thought of anything like this happening was tucked away in deepest recesses of my brain, hibernating, with a huge "Do not disturb" neon sign flashing above it. 

It's not as if it is without merit, though. I did work super hard to bring my GPA up once I started school back up here in Florida, earning all As, save for an A- and one B+. I am so immensely proud and happy that my new school is actually rewarding all the effort I put into my studies and not penalizing me for my follies of youth. It feels like a vindication of honors lost. 

Know this, I am not writing this to boast. In fact, I thought long and hard before posting this blog today since Mike told me some people would not give two shits about my scholarship.

I am fine with that. Because, the moral of this story, the impression that I seek to impart on each and every one of you, is that even when you have royally messed up in the past, even when you think you can never recover from your misstep, you can still reach your goals if you work hard enough for it. You just have to shake it off and keep moving forward. Whether it's your diet you messed up, your relationship that will need some time to heal or your college transcript, in most every case you can make restitution and improve the outcome. Whatever it is that your goals are, you can fuck up and still turn things around for yourself. 

I am proof of that. 

And you don't need to be a Wonder Bitch to do it.

P.S. I am absolutely terrified about everything right now. Self-doubt is starting to creep in and it sucks. The College only awards one full scholarship a year, so why me? I just hope I don't let anyone down.

6:27 AM - 58 Comments - 96 Kudos - Add Comment

You can stop holding your breath now...
Current mood: How do you think I feel?
Category: How do you think I feel? Jobs, Work, Careers

For I am here to tell you that on August 12, 2008 I will begin my career as a law student.

Yes, I got in!!!

I got admitted into a local State University in their part-time program.  Because it is a state school, tuition will be CHEAP.  I will be working full-time during the day and at school in the evenings.  It will only take me one extra year of school which means I will be graduating in 2012.  Yikes.

Four years seems like a long time, especially when it will mean that I will have very little time off.  But who cares, right?  We all need to be doing something and this is the thing I'll be doing.

I am really, really excited... and a bit freaked out.  I remember going to college to get my B.A. when I worked full time and it was very stressful at times.  Law school will be that much harder, so I pray it won't be too overwhelming.  Also I have been out of school for almost four years now.  Just getting back into a routine will be hard.  Study groups, reading, late nights studying.  Getting reacquainted with the study of law... what a challenge!

In any case, you do what you have to do.  I have been doing other (fun) things for a long time now so I feel ready for this new challenge.  I can't say that I have any regrets, it's just time to move to the stage of my life.

So, I will pack in as much fun and travel as I can finagle now in the summer cause once school starts, I will be too busy to do anything.

Hope you guys have a fantastic Friday and weekend to follow.

Hugs,

Wonder Bitch, Esq.

P.S.  Go ahead and buy and sell me as much as you want.  I need as much money as I can get.  Even state school is expensive!

6:27 PM - 54 Comments - 102 Kudos - Add Comment

Hello!
Current mood: What, what in the Butt?
Category: What, what in the Butt? Blogging

Hi!  How have you been?  I have been very, very busy.  Working on things, figuring stuff out, sorting through crap.

But I’m good.  Stressed, but good. 

It is embarrassing how many times I wanted to write something, but just couldn’t bring myself to do it.  When it wasn’t because I was super busy, I’d be exhausted.  If it wasn’t that then I would feel a lot of guilt; guilt for wanting to spend time here writing when I have so much other stuff to do.  Also, guilt because I love and miss you guys and I’ve been neglecting you.

I just had to take care of a lot of stuff at home. 

But I am good, although some days are better than others. Mostly just surviving life and trying to enjoy it.  Shaking my head at most of what’s happening in the world.  Laughing at idiots.

Laughing at this...

Laughing even harder at this...

Here’s the Craigslist link to that ad.  Pink Upholstered Vagina Couch.

Isn’t that just the best couch ever?  I love her head resting on the large man on the yacht.  That picture does freak me out a bit though because it looks like that couch is giving birth to her.  I want to be MySpace friends with Willow the creator of the Pink Upholstered Vagina Couch. 

Does my wanting to be in that couch mean that I am regressing?

Anyway, here is a very brief synopsis of the last few months.

In early February I went to New Orleans with my best friend from childhood for Mardi Gras.  I’m still amazed that they would schedule a professional conference for educators at that time, but hey I’m not complaining.  I had a wonderful time.

The day before I left for NOLA, I convicted a young man on two counts of statutory rape.  He was sentenced to 18 years for each count to be served concurrently.  I was the foreperson of the jury and it was a pretty amazing and exhausting experience.

What else... lemme see...  oh, my hair’s grown back quite a bit and it’s no longer short.  Also, I developed an obsession for a game called Assassins Creed for the Xbox 360 that was incredibly fun to play. 

Oh, and I applied for law school.  That has been one of the most stressful and emotionally draining things I’ve done in a really long time.  The decision to finally apply combined with the mad scrambling to get all the stuff together to apply in time... well, what else can I say?  It was all nearly maddening.

That’s pretty much it.  Well, at least that I remember right now.  Busy, busy, busy, but feeling alright.

Here’s a little clip for you to start your weekend right.  Or to better enjoy your weekend if you read this tomorrow.

Hope you guys have a fabulous weekend and I hope to talk to you soon.

Much love!!!!

W.B.

6:27 PM - 60 Comments - 79 Kudos - Add Comment

It’s About Participation, Right?
Category: News and Politics

I nearly drove past my turn.  Even though I had been mulling over whether or not to go all day, I didn't actually made a decision until I almost missed my turn.  In theory I wanted to do it, but in practicality, it was not about the practicality.  It was about symbolism, and really, who has time to be all symbolic when there are dishes to be cleaned and dinner to be made?

Still after much vacillating, and almost flipping my car on a waaaay too sharp turn, I pulled into my voting center and I did it.  I voted.

Sure my vote didn't count this time.  But, I couldn't use that as an excuse not to vote, could I?  I mean, isn't that exactly what most too-lazy-to-care-about-the-issues-or-care-about-something-or-anything-for-that-matter say?  Didn't we prove here in Florida that sometimes your actual vote does count?  I personally knew dozens of people that wish they had gotten out to the polls in 2000.

Now, however, Florida was sanctioned by the Democratic Party for moving our primary a week ahead without their authorization.  This has led me to really debat whether getting to the polls was worth the effort.  None of our delegate could vote in the Democratic Convention, therefore any voting was just for show.  

At the very last minute (or second) I decided that I was okay with it.  It's not just about who's nominated or elected (any of them will do),  it's also about the process.  It's about the people involved.  It's about taking a stand for the issues that matter to me.  It's about supporting your favorite candidate.  It's about getting my Homestead Exemption increased and getting more money in my pocket.  It's about those people waiving signs on the streets for weeks. 

I had to do it because there are still some people that believe.  It may not be me, but someone needs to give them believers something to hang on to.

Plus, I got my sticker.

"I VOTED, BITCHES!!!"

6:27 PM - 40 Comments - 79 Kudos - Add Comment

Drunk Girl's Guide to...
Current mood: None or Some
Category: None or Some Parties and Nightlife

Drunk Girl's Guide to Getting Good Drinks.

As a bona fide party girl, a.k.a. Drunk Girl, I have had TONS of experience with drinking at bars, clubs, restaurants, lounges, sports games, airports, bookstores, street corners, etc.  There are a lot of drunk girls out there that are pretty clueless to the ways of the drink, so I am hoping to impart to them some of the wisdom I have collected over the years and maybe spare them some humiliation, all while having a drunken good time.

First, I want to make clear that I am not a bartender, nor have I ever been.  This, that I am about to share, is from the patron's perspective based on information I have collected over years of exploits, mishaps and morning-after chats with friends.

If you want a good drink, the single most important thing you need to do is to be good to your bartender.  Follow these few simple rules to ensure your drinking experience will be unforgettable...or forgettable if you are prone to black-outs.

1.  Tip well and tip first.  Lay that money down from the first drink.  Your bartender is there to make a living and they work hard.  They deserve your money because, regardless of what you may think, you are not as cute, funny, charming or entertaining as you think you are when you drinking.  Plus if you tip well up front they will remember and keep getting you good drinks throughout the night.  Keep tipping as you go along.

2.  Don't accuse the bartender of making you a weak drink.  That's just insulting.  This is especially true if you are past your second drink.  If you ordered a triple rum and coke and only taste coke it's because you are just too drunk to taste the alcohol.  Besides, if you had followed rule 1 you wouldn't even be wondering whether the drink had enough alcohol.   It totally would.

3.  Skip the little known drinks.  It won't make you look like a drink connoisseur, it will make you look like a pretentious bitch.  If the bartender doesn't know how to make it, chances are they will ruin it, even with all your overly-specific, distracting instructions.  This is especially true in a super busy locale, such as a night club.  If you must absolutely have to have it, limit it to two liquors or ingredients.  The longer they take to figure out or make your stupid drink, the longer it will them to make mine, and you don't want to piss me off.

Ahem.

4.  Don't yell at, insult, spit on or throw things at your bartender.  Don't throw up on the bar.  Don't piss on the floor.  I don't care if she gave you the stink eye, or smiled at the guy you were talking to, or gave you a rotten drink.  Doing any of those things will pretty much guarantee the end of good drinks for that evening, that club and quite possibly the whole city.  Plus, that's not very lady-like, now is it?

5.  Be specific with your order up front.  Don't just ask for a vodka cranberry and hope your bartender makes it strong.  Ask for a vodka with a splash of cranberry, otherwise you will get stuck with spiked juice.  Try, "I'll have a vodka with a splash of cranberry... barely pink.  In fact, I want to question whether it's pink at all," or "I'd like to be able to see you through my drink."  Remember, time is money to your bartender and he or she won't want to waste time correcting your drink simply because you were too stupid to tell them what you wanted up front.  However, mind yourself and keep it simple.  Otherwise you run the risk of sounding like that pretentious bitch on 3.

This list is not all encompassing, but it is a good start.  Did I miss anything? 

Keep in mind that there are more installments of this guide that will deal with other aspects of drinking and partying.  This one is just about getting good drinks.

Hope you guys have a fantastic weekend!

6:27 PM - 103 Comments - 94 Kudos - Add Comment

You Call This News, Nancy Grace?
Current mood: Appalled
Category: Appalled News and Politics

Those who already know me, know that I am given to bouts of fury.  Brace yourselves for this is one of those times.

I had heard about Heath Ledger's death yesterday afternoon from a friend.  I checked online from my phone and saw that it was speculated that he might have died from a drug overdose since a combination of over-the-counter and prescription pills were found in the vicinity of his dead body.  Pity, I thought.  The death of one so young is always a cause for sadness, regardless of the cause, so I felt a little bad for the guy and his family.

Then I come home and randomly put on one of the cable news channels and it happened to land on CNN's Nancy Grace Show.   Not surprisingly, the top story was Ledger's death.  However, what I witnessed over the next five minutes completely incensed and flabbergasted me.

Watch this clip, kids, and tell me if you see what I see.  What is wrong with this picture?

You can try this link if that doesn't play.

For starters I cringed every time she repeated his home address.  All FOUR times.  Not just his street, but his actual building and floor number.  It almost sounded like an open invitation for anyone to come and take part in the posthumous pandemonium taking place there.

Then the first reporter, Richard Roth, said the NY City police spokesman that they do not have a cause of death.  Prescription sleeping pills and other medications were found in the apartment, yet police were not prepared to say that it was an overdose, accidental or otherwise. Nancy Grace counters,

"... I understand that they say that they are not prepared to call it an overdose, but very quickly, Richard, was there any sign of a gunshot wound, a stabbing, a strangulation -manual or ligature, any blow to the head, anything other than finding him naked pills strewn around him?"

Hey Nancy, did it ever occur to you that he may have had a stroke?  Or a heart attack?  Or an asthma attack?  Or an allergic reaction that caused him to stop breathing?

No, because OBVIOUSLY, the guy was a drug addict.  I mean, there were pills in his room!  The evidence was mounting.  The Senior Editor of In Touch weekly said that during an interview five weeks ago he was really jittery, scratchy and was bouncing in his seat.  At the time he merely thought Ledger was nervous or needed a cigarette, but now with all these "other mysterious allegations surrounding his death", he is now intimating that he may have been on drugs.

Don't believe it?  Well, listen to Grace's next expert, a clinical psychologist who says all those things described "sounds like he (Ledger) suffered from a drug addiction."  I mean, that is the OBVIOUS conclusion we are to derive from this, because it couldn't possibly be that he was nervous, or has really bad ADHD and couldn't sit still.  It definitely could not have been that he was itchy due to an allergic reaction to something he ate or came in contact with.  Or maybe he just had fleas.

And that is my point.  We don't fucking know yet.  Even today the medical examiner's office said that the autopsy proved inconclusive and that they will need to do additional tests that may take 10-14 days.  Still, these "experts" were spouting off last night, about stuff they didn't know, speculating on incorrect information (N.G. kept saying that there were pills strewn about, but that was incorrect.  They actually said this morning that there were not any pills around him, rather there were pills in the vicinity).  And experts only job is to give the impression of authority, like they know what they are talking about, and people trust that, and that is why I was so infuriated last night that this was being passed off as news.

Seriously, I was half expecting the next "expert" to say that Heath Ledger probably died from AIDS he contracted from all that gay sex he had in Brokeback Mountain.

The whole segment was inflammatory and unnecessary.  As my boyfriend so aptly described, what happened there is the type of thing that happens around water coolers everywhere; ill informed people making assumptions based on very few known facts.  Wild speculating that in this case, drew a portrait of Ledger as a drug addict without any substantial basis for it.  The news reports said prescription and over the counter medications were found, and as most people will agree, that alone a drug addict does not make.

That kind of "reporting" has no place in a news show.

Shame on you, Nancy Grace.

Anyone else pissed off about stuff like this? Thoughts? Comments?

6:27 PM - 130 Comments - 134 Kudos - Add Comment

It Takes All Kinds.
Current mood: Multi-Racial
Category: Multi-Racial Life

My sister sleepily answers the phone when I call her at 11am.  I hear rustling on the other end.

"Bette, I think I have found my calling," she declares in a drowsy, talking-yet-not-fully-awake voice.

"Really?"

That piqued my curiosity since she had, up until that point, been vacillating on what she wanted to do with her life and with her two pre-med bachelor's degrees.  She hasn't applied to grad school, med school, nor had she applied to any jobs in the four months since graduation.

"What is that?" I ask.

"Sleep research".

I laugh and tell her, "You know, you won't actually be doing the sleeping in the research, right?"

"Some will be sleeping and some will be researching", She replied.  "It takes all kinds, Bette.  It takes all kinds".

My sister the Oracle.  Very wise, indeed.

So today, let's embrace our differences.  Let's think of the things we like in those who are different.  It is so easy to complain about others who are different that we forget that it is those differences that make us interesting.

Let's bridge the gap.  What do you like about other cultures, sexes, races or demographic groups?

I'll start.

I like that men can sing in lower and higher ranges.

I love that stupid people usually don't need any help making asses of themselves.

Now you.

6:27 PM - 97 Comments - 86 Kudos - Add Comment