To care or not to care? That is the question that I think about most these days. The question that I think is most important to pick a side on.
But I'm torn.
Does anything really matter? Do we live in an objective world or a relative one, altering with your mood, perception, status, lot, species?
Is following your passion most important? Or is keeping your job simple, accumulating enough money just to relax and love and enjoy the most intelligent choice? Or pursuing money, sacrificing a lot of enjoyment now, for perhaps the lap of luxury later? And is that uncertain gamble worth the risk at all?
Goerge Carlin died this week. The reason I became a comic is no longer alive. I never met him. Wished I could have. I was lucky enough to see him live twice. That was a real treat. Heard he hung out at the Hermosa Beach Comedy and Magic Club a lot, and was offered a spot there for two years now, but was always too lazy to roll down. I have just added something to the short list of regrets I have in my life. It makes me want to kick myself. But only sort of.
Carlin was prolific as can be. It inspired me. But I've spent too many years saying that I gotta start bringing all the stuff I've written to the stage . I have easily over ten hours of stuff I've written over the years, just standup alone, yet I have only a fraction of it polished for the stage. Partly because I am lazy to some degree, partly because I have a bad work ethic, and partly because except during short bursts when on a production, I have never focused solely on comedy. I focus on comedy every single day of my life. Probabaly 30 percent of the time. But I also focus on a lot of other shit. Some high minded, some quite low. But I have a wide variety of things that interest me, and that I can't seem to let go of doing.
Usually I feel pretty bad about that. That my varied focus is causing me not to live up to my potential. But right now, with the passing of one of my heroes, I am torn between whether I should just let go, and be content with a less prolific comedic career. I know that I have it in me to be great. But I'm just not so sure anymore that I should. That it's important to do. I guess you should just do what makes you happy, but it's just hard to tell sometimes what that's gonna be. You know since it ain't right in front of you.
I don't think I've written such a depressed thing in a long time. I guess because I am depressed. I am so deeply saddened by the death of such a vibrant alive sharp astute creative fertile hilarious brilliant genius of a man. A man who inspired me to go from being a kid with a debilitating speech problem, to become a standup comedian, alone on a stage with a mic, entertaining people, sometimes by the millions. And who taught me how to write and deliver standup comedy, by the brilliance of his example. (Write: brutally, sharply, boldly, hilariously, satirically, cleverly, and with a good curse word whenever you need it. Deliver: creatively, interestingly, excitedly, boldly, with force and confidence, patience and pause, different tones and voices, cadences and intonations. And with a good curse word whenever you need it.) And I wonder if I am letting him down. I wonder if I'm trying to play in the big leagues after missing a lot of the practices. And I wonder just how important it is to sacrifice so much peace and quiet for the tumult, noise, uncertainty, crazy hours, and permamently distracted brain, if in the end you die, and you are remembered by a one minute piece on the news mentioning your most famous bit and the influence you had on the worls, then immediately going to a story about whether a pregnancy pact at a mid west high school is a hoax or not. Who gives a shit?
And I guess that's the broader question too. Who gives a shit, really, about any of it? George Carlin, so many times I felt, said things, and hilariously proved points that I thought should have changed the world. Once that thought spreads it'll change the world. But it didn't really. It didn't permeate our culture enough to change our actions. And maybe comedy's not supposed to. But I guess that's the question I'm asking.
I just wanted to take a second to thank everyone who has ever supported my comedy in any way. Just anyone who has ever laughed at me. I am very fortunate to be able to entertain people for a living. There is no greater feeling that I experience than hearing a room full of people roar in laughter at something I said. I love bringing that kind of joy to people.
I take it back, there are two other feelings that good. Being lost in total fun and laughter and conversation with those closest to me, friends and family. Laughing feels so joyous. Whether I’m creating it or laughing at something myself. And the other amazing feeling is being in love. Just getting lost with someone that means the world to you. Getting lost while not going anywhere. And not wanting to come back. It’s a feeling you don’t want to ever stop.
Okay, also sexual experiences are pretty awesome too. That sheer raw in the moment joy is pretty hard to beat. (Or if you’re alone, pretty easy;) But a hookup, especially when it’s new, has this crazy, incredible, kinetic energy that feels fantastic. Which, paradoxically, you can’t have when you are in love. (Or, thankfully, when you are hanging with your family and friends.)
But those are the best feelings there are for me in life.
Wait also food is pretty great. A great meal? Holy moly, it can be heaven. (I assume. Haven’t been there.)
I don’t want to leave out just lying there. Just lying there feels pretty wonderful too. Especially if it’s in bed when you don’t have to get up. Or when it’s in hot sand.
I shouldn’t leave out sleep. Sleep is the best. Well, technically I’ve never been awake to experience it, but I assume it’s great, because I want to do it so much.
Oh and achievements! They are so fulfilling they make you feel like you’re wasting your life when you’re sleeping or just lying there. (Luckily those two still win out about 80 percent of the time.)
Helping somebody out is a wonderful feeling too. It just feels so right, and rewarding, and important. And it makes you feel like it’s all worth it. Kind of like eating, sleeping, just lying there, hookin’ up, achieving things, feeling in love, chillin’ with friends and family, and laughing does. Only less directly. Which makes you feel worthwhile. If something does not directly benefit you, somehow it feels more important. Which is ironic when you consider that we are us. It is also in the grand scheme however probably not true. The reason we put so much spoken value on it is because it’s so not in our nature to do it. Pleasing ourselves feels so right, deriving that pleasure through helping someone else just seems more noble. But really it’s the same. It’s just nice because someone else gets to benefit too.
Making people laugh I consider to be something that helps other people. Which brings me back to why I started writing this. To thank people for laughing at me. Because it makes me feel so good to make so many people feel so good. But less directly than just doing it for myself. Interestingly, making people laugh can often lead to making friends, making your family proud, great hotel rooms to sleep in, free delicious meals, girls to hook up with, and a sense of achievement that serves as a perfect justification to just lay there for a bunch of hours.) So it’s no better than anything you’re doing. It’s just the path I choose to take.
I guess my point is it’s all choices. Everything we do is the result of some kind of choice we made. And it’s all equal. It’s all the same. However you derive your happiness is exactly as good as a different choice would have been. Because everything is everything. It’s all just different means to the same end. Feeling great. Enjoying Life. Being happy.
Whenever someone says to me "Man, you’re living the dream. I wish I could do what you do." I often tell them that it’s hard work. That it’s not all as magical and fancy as it seems. That there are big tradeoffs. I don’t say this to get them to feel sorry for me. That would be gross and completely stupid, because I do love my life. I say it to make them appreciate their lives more. Because it is all the same. If people stopped having regular jobs, there’d be no one to come to my comedy shows, no one for me to joke with in the front row, and more so, no one to make this world all it is, that we all get to enjoy.
We are all living the dream.
I’m just grateful that I get to pursue my happiness in one of any number of ways. A way I chose. A way I enjoy. And a way that also brings happiness to others. Because I owe people a lot. Without people, I got nothing.
Tonight I got to headline the Irvine Improv to a sold out crowd of 300 people. I’ve been playing Improvs for years, and headlining comedy clubs for a couple, but I’d never headlined an Improv, and it was a big deal to me. And it was so much fun. And I think people had a good time and I know they laughed a lot. And it made me happy.
Now I’m going to go to bed, lay there for a while, sleep, then wake up and have a delicious meal. Because those things make me happy too.
Actually, not yet. I almost forgot, it’s 3:05AM, and I first have to prepare for three auditions I have tomorrow. So I probably won’t get much sleep at all.
SUPER BOWL, FEMALE BODY PARTS, AND THE FCC
Current mood: cantankerous
Did you see the Super Bowl ad for CareerBuilder.com where a woman's live, beating heart JUMPS OUT OF HER CHEST and crawls across the office?
So I guess what the FCC is telling us is that something CAN pop out of a woman's shirt during the Super Bowl. It just has to be a GROSS, LIVE, BEATING ORGAN! Not a pretty nipple.
America can't handle a nipple. Even though every child got his first couple hundred meals directly from a nipple, that would be too graphic.
And to be accurate, it wasn't even a nipple. It was covered by a huge pastie.
So to recap...
Pretty breast, national outrage. Scary bloody bursting live organ, A OK.
We can really be so stupid sometimes.
gleib
But don't take my word for it, judge for yourself. What do you find more offensive?
Gangsta bout attitude through and through black and blue just mentally. and no penalty for personality. its my tendency and duality. both exist in reality my quality comes plain to me just seems like common decency and it ain't 'scaped me recently and even if i scrape my knee or risk it all so easily you all had best be real to me dont stand too tall or kneel to me but they're aint no one ballin me 'specially in my callin, see? or in what means the most to me if i feel crossed your toast to me if feeling's lost, your most to me if it ain't my night youre hostin me at the end of the day youre toastin me
it might not happen gracefully but there'll always be place for me and when i chill the vibe don't kill life shouldn't happen hastily. but tastefully. on pace fully. and good luck if you're chasin' me. and best of luck replacin' me. you'll try but fail erasin' me.
sometimes i rhyme. if you don't like it, then i hope you enjoyed these last two sentences.
I'M ON A NEW TV SHOW AIRING THIS APRIL!
Current mood: energetic
Friends,
Some of my close friends on here have been mentioning a TV show I booked, but I couldn't say what it was due to a confidentiality agreement.
Well we are done shooting, so I am now allowed to PLUG THE HELL OUT OF IT!!!
IT'S CALLED "THE REAL WEDDING CRASHERS!!!
IT'S AN HOURLONG HIDDEN CAMERA COMEDY SHOW!! IT'S PRODUCED BY ASHTON KUTCHER and JASON GOLDBERG from PUNK'D! and NEW LINE, the company that made the movie "WEDDING CRASHERS"! AND IT AIRS NEXT MONTH on NBC!!!
I have done hidden camera stuff since I was 18 years old, and I love it so much. So I was so excited when I found out that I had just booked this big network show, and that it was a hidden camera comedy! I could not have felt more at home while we were shooting, and it was an absolute blast! This is on set before a scene. Does it look like I'm havin' fun?
We shot the whole season already, and I promise you it will be hilarious! The pranks we pull are very elaborate and crazy, and the rest of the cast are some of the funniest people I've ever worked with.
There are only 6 episodes, so don't miss it! I'll keep you posted with the time slot as soon as I find out.
They're already airing commercials for it all over NBC, but if you want to see one right now, it's in my video player and pasted onto the right side of my profile.
Also, I'm playing at Collegehumor Night at the Hollywood Improv this Wednesday, so roll out and celebrate with me!
And once again, thank you all so much for always supporting my comedy. If you didn't come out to see me perform, and watch my videos online, I wouldn't be able to still be doing this right now.
I hope you all enjoy watching "The Real Wedding Crashers."
I had the time of my life making it.
Sincerely,
Ben Gleib
P.S. One of my best friends Jason is launching a cool new site to share documents of all kinds, like youtube does for vids or flickr does for photos. It's called docstoc.com and will launch fully in April. Please check out docstoc.com or blog.docstoc.com for more info.
New Orleans, and all of America, need some Saints
Current mood: inspired
I don't follow football as much as I surmise the average American male should. But I do get feelings about certain games and scenarios, especially if I know a little of the back story. And, that being said, the New Orleans Saints will win this year's Super Bowl.
They have one of the most promising and exciting rookies on their team. Reggie Bush. Awesome to watch. They have a forgotten about veteran QB, Drew Brees, a man who was abandoned by the Chargers after last year for someone new. And he has surprised the football world with an incredible season after coming back from an injury that called the tail end of his career into question.
But this is not why they will win. They will win because Karma is real, and people who believe will in the end succeed. New Orleans got messed up last year. Real bad. And their stadium, the Superdome, became a place of last refuge and shelter, and became even the place where many of the city's residents lost their lives. There was talk of tearing the stadium down. Instead they rebuilt it. There was also talk of moving the Saints out of New Orleans. Instead they rebuilt the team. And turned from last year (as they were still shocked by the wrath of Katrina) having on of the worst records in the league, to having one of the best this year. And playing all of their home games in that fateful stadium. And the city rallied around them. And they have been winning like crazy, blazing through the playoffs like people fighting for their lives. And the stadium has been going nuts. The city is coming alive again, it feels almost thanks to the example set by their Saints. What an appropriate team name.
Last week I bet on them, my first online sports bet ever, and won 40 bucks. Tomorrow they play the Bears, at Soldier field, for the conference championship, likely in the snow. I bet on them 50 bucks to win. And they will.
Then they will play on February 4th in the Superbowl. And they will defy all odds, and win. They will win for the great city of New Orleans, and it will lead to a speedier and more heartfelt recovery for those wonderful people who just suffered some bad luck. And they will win for America. As we've been having tough times lately, I think it will serve as a beacon of hope for what we as a nation really are about. It will remind us of our drive and our determination and that in America anything truly is possible.
I bet 75 dollars that they will win it all. When I win that bet, I will get around 375 bucks for it. I will take all of my Saints related winnings and donate it help Katrina victims. We gotta be there for our fellow human beings during a time of need. And we gotta to stand for something in our lives.
Cheerleading as a profession?
Current mood: giggly
My boy Scot and I were watching football tonight and we noticed that college cheerleaders are a lot hotter than pro cheerleaders. why is this?
i think i know why. in college, it's still just a fun cute thing to be a cheerleader. like it is in high school. it's like joining a club or a sport or a sorority. it's a fun group that hot girls who like to jump choose to be a part of. while still being college students.
but when you decide to make it your career, it's kinda like becoming a stripper. you're making your money showing off your body. and generally speaking, those aren't the hottest girls in the world. don't get me wrong, they're attractive. but in college there's a good chance the hottest girl in school may be a cheerleader. but the chances the hottest girl in town cheers for the Raiders for a living? zero.
plus, and this point may be obvious, college cheerleaders are younger.
maybe that's why pro cheerleaders don't do any tricks, or throw each other in the air like they used to. they could break a hip.
Advice on a career in comedy.
Current mood: Advicey
GLEIBLOG 3:16AM
I just received a myspace message asking for advice on entering the comedy world. In fact I get questions like this quite a lot. So I decided to post both the question, and my response, below.
(fyi, this is real advice, and not funny, so only read on if you are feeling real and boring.)
----------------- Original Message ----------------- Date: Jul 31, 2006 4:31 PM
For someone looking to make people laugh for a living, what's ONE piece of advice that you wish you were told when you first started your career?
Much appreciated!
---------my response-------------
i'll give you two.
if you believe you have the talent, you must ignore any results you don't like, or when the world says no, and just continue on until it says yes. but you must also keep an honest, humble eye on it, and be willing to alter paths if you don't truly believe it will work out, or if you lose the true passion for it. but if you know you can make it, don't let anyone tell you any different. BUT you must be willing to WORK! Hard too. You must be willing to work at comedy like it is the most serious labor of your life. because it will become precisely that, your life's work. so make sure you give it your all. because if you ever don't succeed because of a flagrant lack of effort, then you were not really meant to succeed. you must at the end of the day be able to say, "i gave it may all." because if you didn't, then you'll know you didn't. and that is what will hurt. comedy is not a career to goof off in. it is just incredibly fun subject matter to get to work very hard in. just like any other job. i sold a pilot to fox back in november, that was the culmination of a lifelong dream and an awful lot of hard work. and we were supposed to start shooting it soon. it is the big news i had been alluding to in these blogs, that i guess i never officially announced until now. well i just found out a few days ago that the network passed on it. we hope to be able to try and make it elsewhere, but the point is that it didn't faze me for more than half an evening. (you should always allow yourself about half an evening to feel sad, because it lets you know you still care. more than half an evening, you're starting to feel sorry or yourself, and that's really not the best way to feel good about yourself. i can tell you that much.) but you have to realize that just because something isn't meant to be at the moment, doesn't mean it is not meant to be. and your goals may shift and your life may go down a slightly different path than you had been envisioning. But if one piece of news, no matter how bad it seems, deters you from your goals, THEN perhaps you should think it's not meant to be.
second, write everything down. every great idea or funny line or bit that you have, at that very moment of inspiration, write it down. stop whatever you're doing and write that shit down. because it will be very hard to ever get it back again quite the same way, as simply and as beautifully as you first conceived of it. plus it will make you way more productive and prolific. just be much better than me at bringing that stuff to the stage, or using it in some form that actually makes people laugh, as soon as you can. (and never, ever squash creativity. it's something that you must let flow when the moment strikes. whether it's initiated by you, or your writing partner, or scene partner, or audience member, or whoever!)
follow those two bits of advice, and you will go as far as you truly desire.
oh, okay, a third thing, learn patience. i never had it starting up, and it drove me nuts. because i knew i could make it, i felt it should all happen immediately. and i have learned that to truly want it, you must be wise enough to build it at whatever pace the universe allows, and not rush for the sake of rushing. it is a long road. jim carrey once told me when i met him and told him i was an aspiring comedian to "expect to give it twenty years." then he offered me good luck. i didn't like the response at the time. but i now know what he meant. obviously it could take less time, and often does. but it might take more time, and often does. and if you can't accept that fact, then maybe it's not for you. no one starts any job, and expects to become CEO within five years. it's the same exact principle.
(is it obvious yet that one of my old jobs was being a motivational speaker? it's true. i was.)
and my last ONE piece of advice is this. always speak your mind. and hold true to your vision and what you believe. do not compromise on anything that you know in your heart needs to be a certain way. speak your mind and be honest! a lot of people will react strangely to this. (they don't see it often.) but do it anyway. eventually, the people around you will be people you can trust and that can trust you. whether that is your friends, your coworkers, or your fan base. (and hopefully all three.)
that's the only piece of advice i could come up with.
grateful
cantankerous
amused
energetic
giggly