It is a known fact I have a small circle of friends... I know lots of people but the friendship circle is small. It can be lonely sometimes and I spend a lot of time alone ... which is kind of nice most times but not all the time. I like to have real people around me.... the kind even that you would never imagine in a million years I would have anything in common with. I never pick my friends by interests, clothing, looks etc etc I pick them by hearts. They are all friendships that we can be honest with eachother, which can some days get heated BUT we love that about eachother because we know everything they say is not to hurt us but to help us. Of late I have been going threw a rough patch..... depressed and not ashamed to say it out load. It is true and I feel the struggle. It started to all get to much... one thing after another that has left me sleepless.
This is where the whole friendship thing comes into it.... just when I struggle the most my friends rally together and organise somethng special for me... something that would make me happy and also something to show how much they think of me and how much my happiness means to them. I was kind of doubting everything and than today I got a call....... My best friend is coming from LA to do what he always does best..... So with the help of one other VERY SPECIAL person who does not want to be named I get a week hanging with one of my favorite people in the world.
The fact he would fly so far to cheer me up and take time away from his life touches me so deeply, the fact my other friend that helped organise things would go to so much trouble to help it happen...... I am blessed.
So in the darkest time when it was so hard to get up they made a light shine for me..... they love my flaws and have reminded me of so many things. I have still lost special things that can never be replaced but now at least I am remind of what wonderful people I still have around me.
Im really excited... I have missed my friend so much and I have a few weeks of sleeps to count until we laugh, play and laugh...... cause im lost without my laughter.
Watch it, watch it again... and maybe once more. It is beautiful, flawless and so touching. This song was one of my favs. I miss him more by the day......
JESSE YOUNAN "21.5.1973 - 22.7.2008"
Current mood: sad
Category: Life
Jesse Younan passed away on the 22/07/08 and a week later it still seems no more real than it did yesterday. I keep thinking it is some wild nightmare and I should be waking up at any moment.
I have no more tears left, I have sobbed rivers which have left me numb and I keeping asking why him…. Why him?.... No one deserves that but Jesse really didn't.
He really fort 2 win the battle… he deserved 2 win.
Jesse was introduced to me by his brother many many years ago and over those years my respect and admiration for Jesse has built into a deep love. You couldn't help but love him; he was honest, true to his words and always knew how to make me laugh the laugh that tickles you right down in your belly. As for his music…… you really can not begin to explain that rare raw beauty, it touches me every time I hear it.
I am going to miss him, miss the friendship that had built over the years. His random text message that left you giggling, Nights drinking in a corner of the pub talking the talk, his cheeky sense of humor BUT most of all I will miss his laugh.
No one could ever take his place, Jesse was his own person and the loss is one of a grand scale to his friends but most of all to his family. I can not even begin to comprehend the loss they are feeling….
It does not matter what I meant in Jesse's life, what matters is what he meant in my life and he meant so very much. Times I spent with him, times I saw him play music will be treasured forever…. I feel truly blessed to have known him.
I was lucky once again to get out and about with Mr Ben and take some pictures. I have been also lucky to call Ben a friend for the last few years. His darkness holds more light than most and for that I thank him. Ben is unique in many ways and if you get a chance please check out his MySpace page www.myspace.com/bencrick OR better still go see him play live.
Mr Ben you are one of the best I know.
I still have not worked on the pictures..... will in a few weeks when my puter is up and running... but for now just a few I really like.
I love this tunnel
This one is one of my fav...... back ground words by Ben
I love my black and white street camera.... Ohhh I love it.
Next time I need more light on Ben... would have been a great shot.
Currently
reading
:
The Dice Man
By
Luke Rhinehart
Release date: 01 May, 1998
Armed with a gift voucher from Borders I walked in SO excited. I love shopping and not spending my money, love shopping in the bookshop even more and not spending my money.
After an hour looking around and armed with words I headed home. One book really jumped out at me "Love Is A Mix Tape" By Rob Sheffield. It's a love story… very girly but it's about falling in love over the Mix Tape. How music can be love. Not the greatest book I have read but I enjoyed it and laughed hard at the section explaining different kinds of mix tapes. "You broke my heart and made me cry and here is 20 songs to prove it" Mix Tape, "You love music, I love music, I just knew we would be friends" Mix Tape.
Made me start thinking about the best mixed CD I have been given. Billy from Cali was the winner; he started the mix with "Purple Rain", and what followed were all the rules of a perfect mix tape….. He even had a Duran Duran song mixed in… MASTER Billy. I still listen to it while I drive some times; it is the kind of CD that is timeless.
Anyways… I had a birthday….. yes I did. I drunk, yes I did.
Jules.... He has a great Laugh
Si shows off his birthday present from me. Happy Birthday Si
Jen HH
Jen is drinking.... lots lol
Sharon, what are you doing?
Cup cakes rule.. Happy Birthday Me
Very funny if you could see the name on the box lol
Not funny....
Rose was asking if I had drunk too much... NO WAY
Steve and Slee.... Sober
I wanted to go postal
My scarf looks strange..... almost like a long black tampon string ;)
X = Y A lot of leg... for Eryca
Si and his boobies... you know he is drunk when he does this
Jules... ???
My bro Rob gave me the biggest laugh when he said "Look Carmel I'm EMO"
Jorja and Rob... Aww Love
Who is drunk?
I have to say that 33 was a shock..... I still can not believe I am even in my 30's. I wish life was a mix tape..... I really do.
A fun filled week of movies and music it was, I also finished two novels... WHEN did I sleep????
I watched "Fur" Which would be one of my fav movies if Nicole Kidman was not in it BUT regardless I loved the movie SO VERY MUCH. "Zodiac" was also great movie BUT the last half hour I was busting too wee (classy) and could not leave to go in case in that 3 mins I left it was solved.... NOOOO. So I sat in pain.... good times.
The master of all..... Jesse Younan at Beach Road gig... thanks Jesse.
Jen had pre-birthday drinks.... trash bags. I stayed sober (nerd)
Few days later the real birthday kicked in... Happy Birthday Jen (HH)
Same same but differant.... lov the hair dark Kathy
Jorja looks like she wanted something... yes we wanted more wine.
Bus rides are fun... look how happy these two are... So excited.
Dumping is dumb... love stickers like that on dumped rubbish on the street.
Jo's new shoes and my new shoes had a coffee catch up...... I love my new chucks.. It is love.
A few people have asked me this month why I do not have my profile on private when most of my friends list are actual friends from the real world… well let me explain. Yes I do get hassled but I am a big girl and I can handle that. I also give nothing away that I would not tell a stranger in the street, I'm private with what needs to be private.
Also people like Eryca would have never have found me…. AND I am so glad she did. I would not have that dude that's not on my friends list emailing me about how fucked my music is on my page….. Aww those emails make my day.
Most of all how would people stalk me if it was on private, I like to be fair and help them along…. Good times.
So on that note….. I will see my friends this Friday at the pub to celebrate my birthday, and drinking will be done, yes it will…..
I will tell you all one things I do know, and I do not know much…. People will never stop surprising me with the bullshit. Do people really think we can not handle the truth? Awwww Truth, got to love good old fashion truth.
I have been busy…. Dancing to my own beat.
Also if anyone is around Tuesday night 15th May Jesse Younan is playing at The Beach Road at Bondi. I will be going. It is at 8pm and it is for free.. YES FOR FREE. Jesse is a must to see live... Jesse is a must. I remember the first time I saw him in this small cafe in Glebe, and he made something inside me be still. I listened and felt every word, he sings truth because he knows it well.
Si promised this was his last smoke…. Please look at this picture carefully and if you see him out smoking kick him in the bottom and say "No Si No, No Si No"
The boss had kittens and I played all day..... who needs kids?
Serious, how could I work?
I thought of you Beatrice today and I smiled... these are for you. Let me know when you have dropped past....
Rose and I teach Alex how to steal Grandmas underwear and use them for superhero costumes.
Or as protective head wear in summer.
OR.... just things to step on and leave grass stains all over.... cause grandma loves those.
Alex is learning to use the camera.... Picture by Alex.
Alex was teaching us all Yoga.... Wonder who showed her that?
Ryan Adams has a new CD coming out... OHHHH Exciting, and the other exciting thing is the Transformers movie....SERIOUS, how exciting is that?
Books, Movies and Music.... it has been the week for it.... let it continue.
The New Feist CD is driving me and everyone else crazy. The song "I feel it all" makes me break out into dance and sing at work..... yes they have taken the CD off me and have promised that when it is out of my system they will return it..... That song is in me, they have been warned.
Currently
listening
:
The Reminder
By
Feist
Release date: 01 May, 2007
I like nothing more in the world than laughing…. Laughter, we are lost without it.
Lucky for me I had a few of those deep belly laughs that come up from the deepest parts of happiness… the kind of laugh that makes your eyes water. God knows I was well over due for some of that action.
So on that note let me say thanks Aric and Sarah for helping with those… easy company, wonderful people. It was a pleasure…. In many ways ;)
Why don't my house parties look like this?
Love Sarah's moves.. Mel half has it.
I wanted to warn them that Aric looked like a stalker with a camera behind them.... But I was distracted.
It was time to pose for our boy band cover..... two covers, we have not decided which we prefer or how we can call it a boy band.....But we will.
As a Aussie I love nothing more than walking home at 4am from the pub and stopping at the servo for a bad pie.... it is all part of the night (maybe that's just me). I tried to show Aric a typical Aussie night but after 2 bites he decided that he should have ate earlier.... this pie was not going to cut it.... thank god we had mints and smokes.
Aric hope you do not mind but the photo of you dressing like an Aussie on your first Special Sydney Sneaky Sunday has to be put out into the world... I will be the one doing that until you put me in a head lock and scream delete...
Board shorts with a bottle opener attached is about as Aussie as you could get for your first trip here.... Love your work.
So that is about it... I do not have many words at the moment but Sarah I am working on a Super Sydney Special Sarah Surprise just for you because you deserve them...
I played with Alex... such sweetness in her cuddles and tickles.
I am feeling as blurry as this picture... just add blue skin.
Steve turned 38... no better way to turn 38 than with Yuki on your hoodie.
I showed Sean around Sydney.....a quick tour for his quick visit.
The night ended with smiles....... Happy Birthday Steve
So it was a great 48hours.... fast. No one can take away good times or laughter no matter how hard they try. The world is moving around us so fast, we can get dizzy watching or we can just move with it and enjoy the ride.... Hell I am going to enjoy it. ... I'm on mission....... it is called the blue mission.....I am the one picking out all the blue m&m's and saving them to eat last, and so far I have a hand full of blue... it's a good day.
Currently
listening
:
Grace Kelly
By
Mika
Release date: 01 February, 2007
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