Satisfaction
Category: Writing and Poetry

Satisfaction
By: T.Gordon Mayhall Jr.

Visions of darkness loom over
The girl that once stood tall
Now looks for shelter to cover
She's no clue of how far she'd fall

To envy death with a wanton desire
She looks for an end in sight
Through the rubble and the mire
Yet no one is aware of her plight

She clutches dearly to new life
Youth sired and extracted from her womb
Hoping not to suffer a mother's strife
Of sending this child to an early tomb

The baby's laughter sustains her for now
She's ecstatic for being a mother
But still leaves the questions of why and how
God could take her younger brother

Only guessing he was a man of much potential
Her eyes show pain and sadness
Trying to disguise she feels resentful
Holding back all the madness

Yet when I look at her situation
And comparably describe my course
I can't hide my infatuation
Of realizing her problems are worse

11:24 PM - 5 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

The Hours at Hand
Current mood: indescribable

6:43 PM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

The Barrel Look’in Back at Me
Category: Blogging

     Today will be a better day, not to say that yesterday wasn't a masterpiece, but it will be significant.  I'm hoping to be one step closer to my goal, and one step further from my vice.  I have something to get off my chest and I hope you'll understand the severity and harshness of the situation.

    Several of my friends and all of my family have talked of the problem with me, but I have yet to grasp the issue.  I, "Gordon Mayhall" am an alcoholic!

    I find myself in bars almost every night of the week, searching for what has already been found.  I don't find myself in there searching for ladies, but more along the lines of myself, and the irony of it is...I know who I am.  I've come to realize that those with addicting personalities are often addicted.  It is shallow of me to assume that you would understand me and give me advice, cause I know all of you will post your two cents.  Not to say I don't care about what you have to say, but I just need to let you know.

    This is the honesty of my life, to let the world know how I'm feeling:

       Guiding me with a wisp, I succumb to its pleasure and comfort of not judging me.  It doesn't care how I look that day, or if I've taken a shower, it just takes me to a place I almost always enjoy, a place I've come to call home.  Down at the bottom you try to find shelter everywhere you turn.  I've found that shelter, and it's in a glass, well, at the bottom of it.  It's taken me down a path I don't to well enjoy the morning after, but when I'm with you, I feel no pain, don't feel the anguish of the day.  I'm surrounded by friends that don't ask for friendship, but when I'm with you, I've got all the friends I need.  You me and the bottom!
       I don't do the things you'd like me to do, cause I still have some sense of stability and drive in my life.  If I could though, I'd follow you to my end, just cause I know it's the morning after that's the drain.  Pull the plug, cork, out of your hand, and feel another warm drizzle of courage.  The problem is, I have all the courage, but nothing to back it up.  I live a double life when I'm with you, I can do anything I want, but I can't seem to do what I need.
       To survive is the only thing you won't allow me to do, but I miss you already, as if you're a loved one or a friend...the sad part is, when I'm away from you I always think of you, as if you are an animate object, not animated so much as attainable.  I save enough money to get by and spend the rest on you.  As if you're the one I'm to marry...The feelings are not reciprocated?  You're courted by several men, that feel the same about you as I do.  I don't think they know and love you the way I do.  You'll never see that though.
       So consider this my farewell to you, divine!  Consider this the end of our long and treacherous relationship, you've helped me further down this path that I call sadness, you call happiness!  I can no longer bare your harsh words you create, I can no longer sustain life with you, because all you do is drag me down, you make me jealous, and angry.  You've hidden away my true purpose, and I've allowed you to guide me in the wrong direction.
       I am a man, who is fallible, but with this path, I'm allowed to turn around and go the other way.  Signing it with I love you is an understatement, I feel strongly about you, and will always consider you my strongest vice, but will always be afraid of falling for you again.  So I sign,

                                                                   Never Again,
                                                                   Gordon Mayhall

11:28 PM - 7 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

You’re gonna FREAK!!!

    I did something today that I never thought I'd do...I shaved...my head!  And let me just say...I look hotter than Daddy Warbucks!  I like it.  Don't expect it to be a norm look, but as soon as my phone gets turned on, I'll show you what I'm talking about!  It's nuts!  Got some good picks, I look almost as good looking as Matthew McConnehey in "Reign of Fire".  It's them Texas boys with the bald heads that make the women go, "MMMMM".  Well, that's the gist of it, hope all is well and Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

12:42 AM - 4 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Everybodies do’in it...

Type your name in my blog comments.
Once you do that, this is what I'll do for you...

1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you which song or movie you remind me of.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
(if possible. if not, I'll say something that only makes sense to me.)
5. I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something I've always wondered about you.
8. I'll tell you my favorite thing about you.
9. I'll tell you my least favorite thing about you.
10. If you play, you MUST post this on yours. You MUST

2:27 AM - 10 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Untold Eyes

6:10 PM - 4 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

The sad truth

The sad truth of it is,
I could sit here all day long,
and wonder where you'll be.

The knowledge is oblivious
to the ones who make your dreams,
Only cause you acknowledge it's existence.

If you could open yourself to the one,
who makes herself unknown,
And hides behind pretension.

The sad truth of it is,
That no matter the depth of existence,
You'll always be in shadow.

Hiding behind inexplicable guilt,
and more strangely guided
misinterpretations of malice, and greed.

She can never know your pain,
she can never see through lies,
that only hide your fear.

So disguise your life and open up.
Don't hide your light,
Don't close yourself off.

7:25 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Through your Emeyes
Category: Art and Photography

By
T Gordon Mayhall

It's like a swirl in the sail,
Something to drive the point home.

When you see her,
just as pail of water,
I can't quite see to the bottom,
but I know it's there.

Turns the leaf over,
To see the flip.

Wondering,
where the mind set entrances,
To find my mortal soul.

An inspiration to a muse,
where I lose myself more often than not.
Does that make me a womanizer?
I use them for Beauty and Inspiration.

What say you?

7:23 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

On the fence again!!!!

This can only be falsified in the sense that they can't read you!
You close yourself off, so that others can push you into traffic!
No one cares about that, "here comes the train, push her!"
It's just to see the look in your eyes when you see it coming!

Thus far I think I've weirded out the audience that doesn't know me!
I don't have fanciful thoughts of seeing the sorrow and pain of others.
I just know that I'm surfacing like a whale for air, to make sure it works.
I've still got a pulse, but the repetition is hitting hard!  The breath, short.

I can only hope to, one day, view what I've already created.
Maybe I'll announce a debut date, though, is it certain?
The beauty of poetry is, you can dance around the point for lines!
Vague, as if to portray what you don't know or, even, think about!

We can only hope to pass on what's left of us, i.e...possessions!
If it doesn't obtain the same sentimental value, as it did with you,
It defeats the purpose of ever passing it on, unless, a new value
is created or a new memory to be had, it's all for the best!

I don't recall the point of this, but I figure the more I ramble, the more points are made, whether open ended or just flat out mental break down, it's how I feel at this juncture, so read it or don't!  Good night to my Family, I miss them and realize that they are the drive behind my fortune, and sanity.  Good night to you, as well!

10:39 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Stuck, twiddling my thumbs....
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers

You know, being up front with me doesn't hurt.  I guess that's what I get, I smell freedom and then get bit in the ass by a bloodhound.  To those of you wondering what the hell I'm talking about, let me elaborate:

I lost my job tonight!  But how was I to know that it's not proper ethics to wash your feet in a sink...if they smell I wash them, is it that abnormal?  If I'm not required to be in uniform off the clock, then why should I be?  If you tell your employees that it's okay to drink on the job in moderation, then why is it I get canned for it.  If you also say, "hey, if you get stuck up here late one night, you can stay here"  Oh great, so everyone can do it, but me?  Where the fuck is the logic in that?  Is it all double standard?  I don't know, but I can't blame them, If you invite me to a Cowboys-Giants game with club members there (knowing I'm a Cowboys fan.)  Who the hell do I root for?  Oh well.

On a brighter note, today was a great day, and I'm certain there will be many more to follow.  I think things are looking up for me, tomorrow is a new day, and the visit I had with my family let me know that my future is here, but that my heart is still in Texas.  I miss you guys!  Love, Gordo

9:22 PM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment