Single, meet horny. Horney, meet Picky. Picky, meet no chance.
Current mood: pessimistic

Well. I've decided that I'm never getting laid again. I think this is a mutal thing betyween me and anytrhing that I find atractive. I'm not to pretty and a mom and evryone else is ugly, has a funny shaped penis, or is too beutiful to talk too. grr.

On the bright side, I went to Funky in drag (because if I'm never getting laid, why not?) and had a blast, to be fair I relized how slutty and desprite most women look when there dressed up as the queen of hearts, danced with a ton of hot chicks (none dressed as the queen of hearts), and got drunk with gay men. It was a good time.

On the bad side, I really wish somthing sober and cute would flirt with me. girls gotta dream ya know? I hope things get better when I am back in MN where people understand my mocking MN hummor, and why I crave hot dish and bars.

Oh, anyone looking for an apartment and can put up with kids? (you don't have to like them, just have to wait to get shitfaced untill after they're asleep) I think I'll bulitan that...

2:25 PM - 1 Comments - 1 Kudos - Add Comment

The Tiumphant Return of GRR

Happy July! Summer is beautiful out here, I couldn't have picked a better place to live in a tent. The sun is always out, it never rains for longer than five minutes and the birds are singing! I hope summer where you are is better.

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So, When I was younger (not that I'm old or wise by any stretch of the imagination) One of my favorite facets of my pesonallity was a character my of whome called GRR. The might be a few reading this post that rember Sarah GRR and I have to say I've missed that part of me. GRR was normally found roaming Hostels in Forests *insert link here* in war paint and dreadlocks and all sorts of shells, twigs and whater was around to ceate jelwery out of. I loved to dance to drumd and around fires and growl. It was a fun happy  faux anger that made people smile if not confused. I left a lot of that person at the hostel,  being that their fires made the best war paint and people in "the real world" or on ciricut wouldn't quite understand someone who basically has become, under the influence of sobriety, an animal.  The parts I did take with me I could conjure up at will, the ferocity and playfulness needed on an insticual level to get through life. Whene I met raven slowly this part of me was buried. I became meak and unwilling to play, fight, or do anything that resemble independence. I'll call it survival instinct.

I don't think I ever noticed it, she, that part of me, was gone. Untill I left Raven. I was so meak and mild and hated it, my personality and fire were gone. Part of the reason I came out here was to reclaim who I was. I find the fierce playfull me again. To find my independace and spirit. The past week or so thease things have come back to me in a rush. I have been disvoring who and what I am. Part of me is GRR. I walked in to a friends booth on Sunday proclaiming my entry in stomps. My friend tund around and said, "Sarah. Like anyone could stomp like that, your energy is just so grrr." I it took me a while to relize what exactly that ment. I had not been called "grrr" in years, It ytook me a while to relize I had found something I never knew I had lost.

I've been contipaiting it for a day or to now and think that GRR in a facet of me I really need right now. Perhaps that's why she has come back. Perhaps she is closer to my center than I realize. Perhaps the world just needs a primitive playful warrior right now. Or to put it in better terms…

GRR!

3:12 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Tree dinner

So I am coniplating weither o not to make dinner. It's a lot harder on a campstove and I'm not shure I will be hungry enugh to enjoy it by the time it is done. Plus I have no idea what I want. Grr. I've added making dinner to my 101 reasons why sarah is done on the road. Because I can eat fast food all year and not see a problem with it, but Chuck needs some good home cooked meals.

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That and I miss my "pack". Being on the road is fun and there are awesome people put here and we see great places, and have lots to share and give the world. BUT, it is not  ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Minnesota. And I miss the summer festivals and the people I've grown up with. I miss winters with no end and Ice palaces and everything else that goes along with living in the land of 10,000 lakes.

I think I am turning into a tree. I want my roots planted in the land that I am from, and I want them to grow deep. I have seen a lot of this country and for all of it's political flaws, I love it. I love Minnesota the most.  Above all I relize that though the road is a blessed place full of great people; I cannot do the things in my life I now want to while traveling.

I do not plan to fully leave all my friends out here. I want to do the summer show and MN still. I  plan to spend thanksgiving at mamma kathy's and will have the resources to vist many shows that I now could not find finacilly responsibleto work at. I will never forget the experiences I've had in the past five years . This community has changed me in deep and amazing ways. For that I thank every one I've come in contact with out here, good and bad, because with out you we could never be the people we are.

3:10 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Deep shit

So I found myself today, for the first time in a long time, centered and home. I am healing my heart, and have let go finally of my past. ( in more than emotional ways, thank you Kai, keep it safe.) I relize more each day how angry I was at Raven and the situation of the past three years. I feel less angry and more accepting everyday. I am no longer angry at raven, and have learned that I was not only the victim, but at times part of the problem. (I did, after all, do my fair share of shoving hitting and throwing the laptop.)

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I knew that Coming to CO was something that needed to happen. I was supprised  at how hard emotionally it is sometimes. I have had to work through a lot of things I thought I was over, and find the strength in me to go it alone. I never relized how dependant on raven I was until I had to light a propane latren for the first time. Today Kai (the above mentioned friend) came over and was gracius enguh to watch Chuck for a while. This is the firstime other than a fairday I've let him out of my sieght. I am so lucky to have wonderfull friends like that. I got the house clean, the dishes done, the trash out, my sacred space set up, and dinner made in an hour. Then after a small mac n cheese fiasco (small steps) I had the opertunity to sit, crosslegged in my front yard. And  noticed a real red lady bug (not an Asian beatle) sitting on a tall blade of grass. My eyes went out of foucuse! I am settled enugh that my eyes relaxed, and I had to put on glasses. It felt wonderful. Thenb Charlie and I when on a sunset drive throught the foot hills, we've brought back the most beautiful thinderstoms in exixstance. I hope it rain we could all use a good clensing.

On top of everything, I am loving my new freedom. I can talk to people with out worrying what will happen when I come home. I budget my own money so it's my fault when things go wrong. I can hug boys. Somday I might even forget myself and think I am beautiful. Today I dared to think someone else might think I'm beautiful. And the most wonderfull thing? I am rediscovering that not only is it ok to feel how I do about love, people, and relationships; many agree with me. I had forgotten how open and accepting this community is. It is good to truly be apart of it again.

3:10 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

I’m a Writer

Colorado is heartbreakingly beautiful.  The Greens, Blues, Puples, oranges, pinks, and reds are nothing compared to the painfully beautiful master piece of sunset on the rockeys. I drove tonight through little towns on little roads watching the sky euput into lighting.   It is breathtaking in a way I have never felt so litteral. I belive that afterlife itself could not compare to the views here. Mother Nature has left us few places on earth to touch ones soul so deeply.. Thease mountains sing reminders of who we are, children of the earth, in resdundy complexity and beuty. Gods themsevels Should kneel and give praise at the feet of thease mountains…

3:09 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Rembering what it’s like
Current mood: angry young and poor

Hi.

I'm Alive.

and so is chuck.

I have cute new photos of him at the MN zoo and will have them up when I get on my own computer somwhere with internet. I will also post a real blog. promise. love ya all miss those I haven't seen. tell mom I'm ok.

3:38 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Leaving on a jet plane.
Current mood: virginal

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
cause I'm leavin on a jet plane
Dont know when Ill be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go
~John Denver

I figure it was fitting. Did you know he died in a plane crash? Talk aboutself pophecy. Anyways, leving fo CO tommorow. Miss eveyone here, except you, the one I wanted to see and didn't. feak. But yeah, I hve to put my omputer in a box now sooo.... Here's something to do. Yeah, bye, peace, fuck off.

Sarah

4:09 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Whew. (and a request)
Current mood: GO WINGS!

Wow. What a crazy few days huh? Geusse my Drama wasn't as bad as others. Well at least I don't have to keep my head coverd. I have to say, any leagal legs the rest have to stand on is as weak as FDRs. It suck but the reat lord seagull ( he runs co, right?) has been looking to get rid of pesky hippies for years. He prolly has had lawers look over his findings and made sure their was nothing we could do about it. We are lucky a few booth owners and managers stood up for us, or else it could have been alot worse. He didn't have to let Dreads back in (covered at all times), and protestig more will olny make his opinion of you worse. he is not a happy man, but this is his fair, the best thing for anyone who thinks his rules are bunk is to simply go somwhere else. Booth owners are considering this option for next year, I adives others should follow thier path. let lord seagull lead his kindom to ruin at the hands of weakenders!

Now for what you all came for: me. I was supposed to work for Lyra at Fairytail fynery, but jan is working first few weeks and is being real flakey and unable to give frim yes/no's on anything. and has over heired. She didn't sound like she wanted me, and now hasn't returned a phone call, so I'm covering my ass. I'm working for swords and sheilds! Yes , that means I get to fight small children, and goffy abults ALL DAY LONG! (and they pay better) i was really honnered when my (new) boss told me they needed somone like me. I work my but off (and on) trying to get people exited to be at a festivl, now I can do that with swords! Yep. it will be great.

On top of that I've founda nanny for Charlie, Twasi will be watching him. (Sweet!) I just hope charlie stops saying shit so often (realy I don't know where he picked it up!). I am in a hectic mood trying to pack and save money and rock out of here by monday after noon. I told my boss here today that I was leaving she took it realy well. I have to work a few hours on monday, but then will be good to go. I hope to get to CO tuesday night or wensday morning. I've spent the last three hours putting together CDs for the ride.

The one big thin I am missing is costuming. I left most of i including my ONLY bodice, with raven, so it's gone. If anyone has old peices (in good shape) or a big girls bodice I could borrow that would be great. I have on sskirt and two shirt to my costuming. most of everything else is gone, money is going to be tight so I really need some help with this. Thanks

Other than that, the excitment for the WINGS WINNING THE CUP! has worn off, so I think i'm going to sleep. night losers

10:44 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

SUSHI POTLUCK
Current mood: awake

Hosted By: Sarah Miller
When: Tuesday Jun 03, 2008
at 6:00 PM
Where: Sarah's House
720 Caribou Lane
Eagan, Minnesota|24 55123
United States
Description:
SUSHI YUM! Birng your Fav. Fish and we'll Roll toghether!

Click Here To View Event

12:36 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Colorado Drama (already?)
Current mood: nervous

Sooo... I've decide to go to CO. yep. I was all realy confidant about it untill I got back from the edina art fair today. my big boss (the lady who owns the co I work for) had called me, she was all like are you sure you want to go? and, I'll pretty shure I have a spot for you... and stuff. I'm really nervous now, my minds all started to think about all the things that could go wrong and all the stuff i havn't done yet. AND ontop of all that, I'm worried my freinds won't really be my freinds when I get there. Lets face it folks, I'm socially retarded. I don't pick up on thing unless they slap me in the face. now after everything thats happend with raven, I don't know who will like me, and who will think I'm a bitch and a bad mom. I don' know who will stand up to bullshit if they see it. I'm worried that raven will do somthing dumb and drastic when we get there, and I'm wondering if it's really worth going...

I would like to go very badly, if only to say goodbye. I don't want to be "on the road again" unless I am the boss. It's the only way one can make money at it anymore. but what if raven is trying to take chuck away, or atacks me. I realy don't think  many people would do anything to stop him. I don't know what people will think of me when I show up, and I don't know where I should live and who I can trust. Breaking up with raven has distroyed any faith (and trust) I had in all but a handfull of people. I'm bervous that those I do still want to be around won't want me.

1:32 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

See, even real people agree with me

"Everyone seems to be catching on: Bottled water is a giant, insidious scam. It's mostly refiltered tap, not to mention how importing water in plastic bottles from Fiji and France and the Coca-Cola Corp. is the environmental/ethical equivalent of driving your Hummer over a field of baby squirrels, giddily." Mark Morford, SF Gate Columnist 

MLE can confirm, this guy has me down like a rapist. i mean who doesn't like driving their ungodly (or would it be Godly) large vehicals through parking lots and over feilds of tiny cute helpless fauna? how else do get down on a monday morning????

10:42 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Beer, Poloygamy, and Fiji Water
Current mood: jedi

I was watching a show today on poloygamists. you wann know a secert??? They're BREEDING! yep apparently Children are assets. like houses... I wonder how you impove value in Children? Give em a fresh coat of paint? Who wants a used child anyways? Half the fun is corrupting them. Once their broken they become adults.. little creepy fundamentalist adaults. Crappiest asset I know of.

You wanna know another secret? that wasn't the part of the show that pissed me off the most. Ya wanna know what did? (well fuck you I'm telling you anyways!) All the poloygamists were morman. I mean I know that most poloygamists are morman. But hey theres a few that just dig group marriage. I mean what about the poloygamist pagans? or the people who are ok sharing a spouse? I mean just because your sex life is more intresting than the average american dosnt mean that you are some fundie freak. (well ok they might like being called freaks) but Most of them don't think that children are assets, or precious, or whatever. In fact, unless you use protection, children are just a 1 in 28 chance.

now onto more pressing isusses. Aparently, Fijji Water is pure liquid evil. It's true. I herd it from my fav enviromentalist SUSU. She says it's like drinking the apocolypse. I just think it's yummy. then again I am pure evil too; so i might be biased...

8:14 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Rushed
Current mood: rebellious

Soooo... aparently "everyone" thinks I should be looking to go out with somone again. "you know... a few dates"

I don't want to. Why? ( as if i really need to answer.)

1. I don't date. I've been on what most would consider a date once. It was awfull. I meet guys, become freinds, determine their "fuck-ability". then sleep with them. If after that your not intrested, your not worth it. But we can still be freinds.

2. I have a son. I don't want to become the mother who allows a string of "father figures" through her sons life, leaving hm bitter and in need of serrious mental help. the next person I "date" is gonna be somone whose gonna stcik around for a whille, and be there for charlie. We are a pakage deal.

3. I hurt. alot. but it's somthing i need to heal on my own terms. If I let some guy in now i risk basing our relationship off my last one, that isn't helthy and it's not fair. I want to be ready to try again; or else some poor bastered is gonna end up with a weeping pile of goo insted of a girl freind.

4. I am a girl who gets what she wants. And will have nothing to do with things and people she dosen't. When I am ready I will date again, I'm not shutting myself off forever. And maybe next week I'll meet a risk worth taking, but if I dont meet said risk for two years, I'm not lowering myself just so people will think i'm ok.

SO, I will oggle potentals, flirt, and do whatever I please. when I am ready to make somthing out of my love life I will inform you via the blog. but don't tell me when and whom I should start seeing. I'm a big girl, I made one bad choice, and when I am ready I'll pick my self up dust myself off, and no one will stop me. 

5:37 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Yum. Spoliers.
Current mood: annoyed

Three Worst tings about Indiana Jones:

1. Bad Psychics with bad accents.

2. Bad acting b everyone except Harrison Ford, the Kid, and the Other Professer. Specialy the Spy...

3. MOTHER FUCKING ALIENS! serriously. Realy? your that desprit for a plot you have to add myans and ailens?????? When did Lucas start doing crack....

Point: this one's a renter. and if you do go don't bother sitting thru the credits, theres no teaser. the worst Indina Jones, and more disapointing than speed racer. If I were you , I'd wait for the TV movie....

Oh, and His fedora looks wrong, when did fords head get so big that even his hat doesnt fit?

11:05 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

I hate to say...
Current mood: cantankerous

I told you so.

So When I watch all thease "normal" people freak out about gas, and the news caster talk about how iit's never gonna stop going up... I yawn. I was taught in MIDDLE SCHOOL that gas was gonna run out by 2040. I was taught in High school about alternitves. And I rember rush limbaugh and all the the other right wing oil guzzling fucks saying that we were distorting the facts. Yeah, now what mother fucker? I don't feel bad for the guy filling his ford explorer at the gas pump, I laugh to think that the driver of the Hummer sold his life to work, and now he can barly pay his gas bill. We told you this was comming. We told you to look for other options. but like every other fat westren fuck, no one wanted to change their life style. Thease are the good old days, savor them. because in ten years mad max will be a reality in places because we don't "feel" like changing our lifestyle. Adapt or Die, you've already made your choice.

8:15 PM - 2 Comments - 1 Kudos - Add Comment