ok, playing around wiht the movie maker , I made my first ever video ok, granted it's more music then pics, but you get the idea.... the music is The birthday massace: Somethign to die for Give me yoru opinions!! thanx! :P
so in my desperate attempt to get more hours at work, to get more money to save to get out of indiana, instead of my usual 5am call, I gotta be at work at 3am!!! yes thats what I said 3 am which means basically, I gotta go to bed in a few min ( it's like 9:05 right now, still daylight outside..I know I hate the sun & all but damn!!) most of my peeps, who are in L.A., by the time I leave for work it will be like 11:30pm your time..ugh..
so on that note once again I say..WHAT THE FUCK.... thats it just bitching really not alot of point to this blog...
storm from last night OR more proof of how much of a nerd I am! lol
Current mood: nerdy
so yea , A combination of beign bored & the fact that I am facinated with lightning storms..so I recorded this ( since I couldn't just get pics...forget it! lol) As I have sauid before the one thign I'm gonna iss abotu Indiana is the storms.
you know since I been here I have done everything I can to help out
As soon as I got aq job I helped otu with money, every paycheck I give her mom & stepdad money, & whatever else we need aroudn here, I always ask " what do you need? anythign you want me to get?" her mom acts like it's not a big deal ( though she makes it a big deal when she's talkign to suzi)so I work, I help out around the house when I can, sometimes, I'm sorry, I am actually tired. so today her lovely stepfather walks in the door pissed off for soem damned reason, he yells at his youngest for nto doing her chores ( which she never does anyways, the girl lives to be constantly yellled @ & grounded only to get her way anywayz) then he yells at me like I'm 14 fuckign years old....sayign all I ever do is sit around...I'm like " dude, in case you forgot, I work too ya know! I help out around the hosue when I can, excuse me for being tired from working on only 2- 4 hours of sleep a nite. mother fucker. idf this was a differant situation I should have punched him in his mouth. I'm not his kid, I'm not his wife. ahhh but here lies the problem.....I'm in indiana..if I was in L.A>, we wouldn't even be in this house. however since this is the only place I got at the moment till we got enough money to get the fuck out of here, I pretty much gotta keep my fucking mouth shut. thats alot harder for me now adays. I use to be able to blow thign sliek that off easier. but afte the past year I have had...thats alot harder... I need a second job, or wint the lottery or somethign...I wanna be out of here BEFORE the end of the year...I'm not sure if I can go another 6 months dealign with bullshit like that. My god..yoru daughter/stepdaughter has a bf that now only cares abotu ehre & wants to take care of her, but helps otu as well, damn, he's someone who actually gives a shit.
worse part of this is: Suzi is balming herself over this. it's not her fault. I came out here casue I lvoed her & wanted to be with her.. yes as she constantly reminds me, she warned me about the situation. I care abotu her, so I wanted to be with her. this is not her fault. jsut because her family is weird, is not her fault. jsut because half her family is racist, is not her fault jsut beacuse thsi stae is not my cup of tea is not ehr fault. I wish I could get her to understand that. she's a good person. she deserves better. hell so do I for that matter, yes I actualy admit it.
I'm just venting, since I can't take it to the source becasue I sure as hell don't want to make us homeless in Indy.
I just gotta keep my mouth shut & bide my time.... sigh
MOst of yo kow what I'm about to talk about here, but there are a few, like my bandmates ( except shug) that don't knwo yet & I was gonna tell them. I'm planning on , probably between December & Febuary next year, returning to California. I met some cool people out here, & I have met ALOT of shity people out here ( mostly shitty to be honest), while indiana is cheap as far as rent goes, You have some nice sites here, & yoru thunder & lightning storms are ABSOULUTELY AMAZING out here ( wish I coudl get pics of it though! lol) I just can't see myself spending my life here. when people told me before I left L.A. that I would be back they were right. now I understand why so many people that left L.A> always came back. thats more home to me. Hell no it ain't perfect. but it's home & theres more I can do there then here. Yes, Suzi is coming with me. I would never leave her, our relationship is too important to toss away. this was a mutual decision. As for my band mates whoa re reading this, your wonderign where does that leave you. we been workign hard on this band, I'm not going anywhere yet. I want SMDS to be a fuckgin wreckign machine. I want us to do some shows before I leave, & right befroe I elave I will find you a new vocalist that will keep things going, Flint writes good songs, everyone else in the band is a strong background. , once I am gone you all better not let this band fade out. Indy needs a real band. lets make sure we give it to em. we'll talk more about battle stratagy. I'm serious.
I came out here with every intention of maing the best of things & gettting my life together & being wiht a woman I love. I actualy pulled that off. I got my life together, got my head on a little bit more straight & ended up beign wiht one of the most incredible women I have ever known. she has been a key point in keeping my sanity. For my friends that got to know her, you already know how cool she is. for my freinds that don't , you need to get to know her.
so anywayz back to the plan: saving up money from work, as much as possible, getting my Indiana D.L., getting a car & doing a road trip out there& of course if possible, We will be getting married in oct. before we move back. My job will be easy to take care of , since I work for Lowes, I can transfer to a lowes out there. hopefully the one in holywood or Burbank. but eitehr way, I will transfer to one out there. We got places to stay & a close freind of mine & us will be getting a place together. so thigns should work out fine.
of course savign the moeny may eb a bit difficult..I'm actually thinking abotu taking a temporary second job to make money only for the trip. trying to come up wiht some ideas. I'm open to suggestions ...
nerdy
angry
tired
....
amused
pissed off
depressed
