Name _________________ Last First ______________ Middle ________________ Address __________________________________________________ City _________________________ State _____ Zip ___________ Home .. _________________ Cell.. __________________
Ever been married (circle) yes no If yes, how many times? _______
Are you still married(circle) yes no
Are you or have you ever been on the Down Low? (Circle one) Yes No
Are you still on the Down Low and just dont want to tell me? Yes No
*If you have circled yes to any of these, do NOT turn in your application and leave me the hell alone.
Do you owe child support? (Circle one) Yes No Don't Know *If your ex is getting state benefits (childcare, food stamps, etc), then you owe somebody something. Especially tax payers. Stop here and go take care of your damn kids.
*Please use a separate sheet of paper to compile a list of goals and accomplishments.
Did you graduate from high school? (Circle one) yes no Name of high school (if yes) __________________________________________________________
Have you received any of the following? (Circle One)
GED, Diploma, Nothing
*If you did not complete any of the above, please stop here and return your dumb ass to school.
Is this spelled correctly? Encyclopedea Yes No
Any college? (Circle one) Yes No Still Enrolled - Graduated
Have you ever been to jail? (Circle one) Yes No If yes, what for? (Be very detailed)
While in prison / jail have you ever been anybodys bitch?
(Circle one) Yes No
While in prison / jail was anyone your bitch?
(Circle one) Yes No
If you have answered yes to any of the above question, please STOP HERE and call your P.O. immediately, and also get a rectal exam.
Employed? (Circle) Yes No
*Pan Handling does not count, nor does washing windows for a quarter.
*Pimp'n does not count.
*If no, please stop here and get your broke ass the hell away from me.
If yes for employment, where and how long? ______________
Do you have health insurance? YesNo
When did you last visit the dentist? _______________
How many original teeth do you have? ____
When was the last time you have been to the doctor? ______________
What for? ______________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________
Do you live in a fantasy world? Yes No
Do you drink alcohol? If yes how often? ____________________
Have you ever fallen out of your vehicle while driving? Yes No
Do you think you are GOD's gift to women? Yes No
*If you have answered yes to the above 3 questions - do NOT turn in your application and leave me the hell alone.
List any (all) illnesses. Use separate sheet of paper if needed. _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________
Do you enjoy wearing womens clothes? Yesno
Do you have or have you had any of the following?
(Circle all that may apply)
Hep A B or C - Herpes - Mononucleosis - HIV/AIDS - The Bird Flu - West Nile Virus - Crabs Chlamydia - Gonorrhea ,SARS, Head Lice, Ringworms - Boils - Sex Change - Ebola Virus - Shingles - Measles - Bunions - Mumps - Something that you can't spell - Lil Dick syndrome - Impotent; ect... you get the drift
*If you have circled any of these, do NOT turn in your application. See the doctor immediately and leave me the hell alone.
Do you or have you ever used (ingested in any way) any of the following: (circle all that apply)
Crack/Cocaine - Heroin - Paint, Paste, Meth- Viagra Markers - Ecstasy - Glue - Bad pills - Sniffed Anything under the kitchen sink -
Can you cook?Yes No
*Microwaving does not count.
Would you like to be pimped? YesNo
Are you Bald by choice?Yes No
How often do you bathe? _____________
Does mental illness run in your family?Yes No
Are you the crazy one?Yes No
*If you have answered yes the crazy question - do NOT turn in your application. See a Psychiatrist immediately and leave me the hell alone.
Have you ever been a stalker?Yes No
*If you have answered yes the stalker question - do NOT turn in your application. Back away slowly cause I'm a good shot and leave me the hell alone.
By signing below, you agree that all of the information given above is true to the best of your knowledge. For my protection, you may be asked to provide the following information upon request: state ID, birth certificate, recent payroll stub, a recent clean bill of health from a certified physician or practitioner. Falsifying information may result in termination of this relationship (if applicable), and a severe ass whooping by my project cousins, and my boys or all of the above.
The Softer Side of Jupiter - Clusters of Celestial Pleasure
The collaboration is done . -- Myself, Dapharoah69, and Musical life force ... I will started and the other 2 will took over - PT - 1 and PT -2 and 3 are complete Dapharoah69 brought us home. Please let us know what you think - Be Honest
Nothing to do with me personally, (or does it? LOL) food for thought.
Having meaning - less sex ... is that so wrong? Or is it a precursor for sending mix'd emotions or signals? Yes, we can be honest about the whole situation ... however we all know that sometimes things can get a little twisted. Some catch feelings. Would it be safe to say ... if you are with someone whom you know has feeling for you, but you don't feel the same for him or her, to not indulge in flesh full fantasies.
I was aked my view on Dating and Meeting New People. Here U Go...Reality...Face It.
Be yourself, I think people spend a lot of time trying to attract the opposite sex .. now a days the (same sex) (whatever floats your boat) by acting,saying,doing what they think the other person is seeking; instead of presenting oneself in rare form; a-natural. Yes you put your best outfit,scent,behavior on to enhance what you already have to offer ... you. Not as a costume for the role you are going to play and have to maintain. Trust me the truth is so much easier to keep up with. Either you are accepted or declined. Take your lump and keep it moving. This goes for men and women for that matter. Just my opinion, feel free to comment.
Someone asked me today ...What is Love? So Here U Go
Ladies, Gentlemen ... we must understand that "love" is different for everyone. And yes you can "LOVE" more than one person. So it is not easily defined. For some I would imagine .. Love is the unity of 2 people in an open and care'n way, respect and honesty. In retrospect "LOVE" could just be a form of security and settlement for another.
Drinking style Impulsive Aries people like to party and sometimes don't know when to call it a night. Their competitive streak makes them prone to closing-time shot contests. They're sloppy, fun drunks, and they get mighty flirty after a couple tipples. Getting Aries people drunk is a good way to get what you want out of them, should other methods fail. Aries can become bellicose when blotto, but they will assume that whatever happened should be forgiven (if not forgotten) by sunrise. They can be counted on to do the same for you -- so long as you haven't gone and done anything really horrible to them last night, you sneaky Gemini.
Trademark cocktails Aries, born under the hot-stuff planet Mars, is the ruler of spicy food and red things -- and for balance, astrologers recommend they eat tomatoes, onions, olives and greens. That's right, Aries, you were born under the sign of the bloody Mary. Aries also rules grapefruit, and they've been known to kick back a salty dog and a sea breeze or two. For extreme hotcha, try a concoction with cinnamon liqueur in it.
Drinking buddies Marlon Brando, Lawrence Ferlinghetti, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Al Gore, Thomas Jefferson, Elton John, Eric McCormack, Rosie O'Donnell, Sarah Jessica Parker, Reese Witherspoon
TAURUS
Drinking style Taurus prefers to drink at a leisurely pace, aiming for a mellow glow rather than a full-on zonk. Since a truly intoxica ted Taurus is a one-person stampede, the kind of bull-in-a-china-shop inebriate who spills red wine on white carpets and tells fart jokes to employers, the preference for wining and dining (or Bud and buddies) to body shots and barfing is quite fortunate for the rest of us. This is not to say that the Bull is by any means a teetotaler -- god, no. A squiffy Taurus will get, er, gregarious (full of loudmouth soup, some would say) and is extremely amusing to drag to a karaoke bar when intoxicated.
Trademark cocktails Early-to-bed Taureans need a picker-upper -- try a Red Bull and vodka. They also have a leviathan sweet tooth and are fond of drinks with names that sound like dessert (50-50 bar, mudslide). Sweetly caffeinated drinks, like Irish coffee or white Russians, are ideal. More macho Taureans will go for something unpretentious, like a Jack and Coke or whiskey sour.
Drinking buddies Cate Blanchett, Tony Blair, Pierce Brosnan, Cher, Penelope Cruz, William Randolph Hearst, Jerry Seinfeld, Barbara Striesand, Uma Thurman, Renee Zellweger Mickey Knox....you know who you are! Even though I think I am more a Gemini...
GEMINI
Drinking style Geminis can drink without changing their behavior much -- they're so naturally chatty and short-attention-spanned that it's just hard to tell sometimes. They can amaze you by conversing with finesse and allusion, then doing something to belie an extremely advanced state of intoxication, like puking in your shoe. Geminis possess the magic ability to flirt successfully (and uninfuriatingly, which is very tricky) with several people at once. They like to order different cocktails every round -- repetition is boring -- and may create a theme (like yellow drinks: beer, sauvignon blanc and limoncello) for their own amusement.
Trademark cocktails Easily bored Geminis need some stimulation in their drinks -- those with two parts, like a black and tan (or just a double), are particularly appealing. Otherwise, they'll drink all over the map, ordering frou-frou drinks to add to their collection of cocktail monkeys or going for whiskey rocks because they're feeling rather noir. Gemini rules the herb anise -- make some home-infused anise vodka as a gift.
Drinking buddies George Bush Sr., Johnny Depp, Rupert Everett, Boy George, Allen Ginsberg, Angelina Jolie, John Kennedy, Ian McKellen, Kylie Minogue, Morrissey
CANCER
Drinking style Cancer is a comfort drinker -- and an extra wine with dinner or an after-work beer or six can be extra comforting, can't it, Cancer darling? Like fellow water signs Scorpio and Pisces, Crabs must guard against lushery. Cancers are brilliant at ferreting out secret parties and insinuating themselves on VIP lists -- and, in true Hollywood style, Cancers are never really drunk; instead, they get "tired and emotional" (read: weepy when lubricated). But there's nothing better than swapping stories (and spit) over a few bottles of inky red wine with your favorite Cancer. Even your second-favorite Cancer will do. Keep in mind once started, a Cancer never stops... drinking.
Trademark cocktails Ruled by the moon, Cancers are intrigued by the idea of moonshine -- any booze, from a bourbon press to a whiskey and soda to grandpappy's special brew in a mason jar, will do. They also like comfortingly warm and sweet drinks, like hot toddies and hot buttered rums. The sign also rules the flavor vanilla, and you'd be adored if you served up a vanilla vodka and soda. Though a six-pack of bud will do.
Drinking buddies Pamela Anderson, George W. Bush, Bill Cosby, Tom Cruise, Harrison Ford, Sean Hayes, Lil' Kim, George Michael, Princess Diana, Prince William
LEO (Wanna Drink? I'll Drink Witcha)
Drinking style Leo likes to drink and dance -- they're often fabulous dancers, and usually pretty good drinkers as well, losing their commanding dignity and turning kittenish. Of course, they're quite aware they're darling -- Leos will be Leos, after all. They generally know their limit, probably because they loathe losing self-control. When they get over-refreshed, expect flirting to ensue -- and perhaps not with the one they came with. Leo's not the type to break rules even when drunk, so just try to ignore it (try harder, Cancer) and expect a sheepish Lion to make it up to you the next day.
Trademark cocktails Leos like Flashy, Bold Complicated drinks, Martini 's are a Must, Tequila Shots, or tropical concoctions festooned with umbrellas, like a Bahama mama or the more common strawberry daiquiri or mai tai. Indeed, they often have a taste for the fruity -- try a screwdriver, or add an extra cherry to the next Manhattan. Their sense of drama lends itself to a kir royale, of course.
Drinking buddies Anyone who is buyin or Ben Affleck, Gillian Anderson, Bill Clinton, Monica Lewinsky, Jennifer Lopez, Madonna, Debra Messing, Kevin Spacey, Martha Stewart, Andy Warhol
VIRGO
Drinking style Cerebral Virgos are compelled to impose order onto their bender. Their famously fussy quest for purity could lead to drinking less than other signs, sure -- but it could also lead to drinking booze neat, to sucking down organic wine or just to brand loyalty. They rarely get fully shellacked -- but, oh, when they do! Virgo's controlled by the intellect, but there's an unbridled beast lurking within, and they let it loose when walloped. It's dead sexy (and surprisingly unsloppy). As one Virgo friend used to declare, "I'm going to drink myself into a low level of intelligence tonight." A toast to the subgenius IQ!
Trademark cocktails Many Virgos prefer clear, simple, untreacly drinks like vodka tonic or a real margarita, though you'll find 'em drinking anything from unflinchingly downing Cuervo straight to smirkingly ordering a dirty virgin. They also tend to like bitter, low-alk guzzles like Campari and soda. They rarely change their drink once they've found it, however.
Drinking buddies Cameron Diaz, Hugh Grant, Christopher Isherwood, Michael Jackson, Freddie Mercury, Carrie-Anne Moss, Dorothy Parker, Ryan Philippe, Keanu Reeves, Lily Tomlin
LIBRA
Drinking style "I'm jusht a social drinker," slurs Libra, "it's jusht that I'm damn social?" Libra loves nothing more than to party, mingle and relate to everyone. Whether dipped in favor of Good Libra (with Insta-Friend device set to "on") or heavier on the Evil Libra side (they are little instigators when bored), the Scales can really work a room. Charming as they are, Libras are notoriously lacking in self-control, however, which can get them into all sorts of trouble -- including wearing their wobbly boots waaaay too early in the evening, flirting with their best friend's beau or even blacking out the night's events entirely. Oops!
Trademark cocktails Aesthetic Libras like pretty, pouffy drinks like a pink lady or a brandy Alexander. That's the influence of Venus, their ruling planet, which also gives them a horror of crudely named potions like Sex on the Beach. They're fine with "normal" guzzles like apple martinis, but every Libra secretly just wants Champagne, and lots of it.
Drinking buddies Jimmy Carter, Simon Cowell, Ani DiFranco, Janeane Garofalo, Hugh Jackman, Martina Navratilova, Gwyneth Paltrow, Sting, Oscar Wilde, Catherine Zeta-Jones Mallory Knox...notice the highlighted portion!
SCORPIO
Drinking style Don't ever tell Scorpios they've had enough, for they'll smirk at you and quietly but intentionally keep tippling till they're hog-whimpering drunk, out of 100-proof spite. Scorpios like to drink, and screw you if you have a problem with that. Most of them see the sauce as something to savor in itself, and not as a personality-altering tool -- though if depressed, self-loathing Scorps seek total obliteration. But generally, they're fascinating drinking pals, brilliant conversationalists and dizzying flirts. They also remember everything -- especially what you did when you were blitzed. Only drink with a Scorpio who likes you.
Trademark cocktails Just as a Scorpio can look you in the eye and smile while secretly plotting your demise, so does the brandy-laced stinger's sweet taste hide a potent amount of alcohol. If you want to get literal, serve them a scorpion -- they may not love tropical drinks, but it shows you're paying attention. Scorpio rules watermelon, so break out the blender and fix a pitcher of watermelon margaritas to seduce 'em -- though red wine will do the trick just as well.
Drinking style In vino veritas -- and, for Sagittarius, in booze blurtiness: when buttered, they'll spill all your secrets and many of their own. Tactlessness aside, Sagittarius is just plain fun to drink with. This is a sign of serious partying (what else would you expect from the sign of Sinatra, Keith Richards, the Bush twins and Anna Nicole Smith?). They're the people who chat up everyone in the room, then persuade the entire crowd to travel somewhere else -- like a nightclub, or a playground, or Cancun. Good-natured hijinks are sure to ensue (including a high possibility of loopy groping; spontaneous Sag is a brilliant booty call).
Trademark cocktails A travel-loving sign, Sagittarius might be intrigued by drinks like Moscow mules, Singapore slings -- perhaps even a Long Island iced tea (not a bad option, given how much Sag can put away and still stay vertical). Party monsters that they are, they're attracted to shots, like the ever-popular lemon drop. Sag rules pears, and could use a nice pear cider right about now, come to think of it.
Drinking buddies The Bush twins, Margaret Cho, Noel Coward, Betty Ford, Lucy Liu, Brad Pitt, Keith Richards, Frank Sinatra, Anna Nicole Smith, Britney Spears
CAPRICORN
Drinking style Capricorn is usually described as practical, steadfast, money-hungry and status-thirsty -- no wonder they get left off the astrological cocktail-party list. But this is the sign of David Bowie and Annie Lennox, not to mention Elvis. Capricorn is the true rock star: independent, powerful and seriously charismatic, not too eager to please. And if they make money being themselves, who are you to quibble? But just like most rock stars, they're either totally on or totally off, and they generally need a little social lubricant to loosen up and enjoy the after party, especially if they can hook up with a cute groupie.
Trademark cocktails Old-fashioned Cap would probably like an old-fashioned just fine or a dry martini, or a gin and tonic, or a gimlet -- or any other no-nonsense quaff. They prefer drinks that taste like alcohol and generally hate drinks with more than three ingredients. However, they like the flavor of cranberry and will order a cosmo if they can handle the wait for it to get mixed.
Drinking buddies Orlando Bloom, David Bowie, James Dean, Marlene Dietrich, Martin Luther King Jr., Jude Law, Annie Lennox, Marilyn Manson, Richard Nixon, Elvis Presley
AQUARIUS
Drinking style Aquarius and drinking don't go together that well (except for water, that is). They have an innate tendency toward know-it-allism, and if they get an idea while sizzled, they're more stubborn than a stain or a stone. If they're throwing a party or organizing an outing, however, they're too preoccupied with their duties to get combative -- and they make perfectly charming drunks in that case. Fortunately, they're usually capital drink-nursers. They also make the best designated drivers (if you can get them before they start raising their wrist): Aquarius is fascinated by drunk people and capable of holding interesting conversations with soused strangers while sober.
Trademark cocktails Aquarius is likely to order stuff most people have never heard of: a capirinha, Satan's whiskers, a negroni, an Arthur Tompkins. They like to stump the bartender. This sign rules the color electric blue and would be pleased by any tipple featuring blue curacao. They also rule the olive tree, so pour the juice into that dirty martini.
Drinking buddies Jennifer Aniston, Ellen DeGeneres, Dr. Dre, Matt Groening, Ashton Kutcher, Ronald Reagan, Christina Ricci, Justin Timberlake, Oprah Winfrey, Elijah Wood
PISCES (Closet Monkey Ho's) and Scores real high on the HOTLANTA KINK TEST he he he...
Drinking style (with both hands it doesn't fu**in matter)
hmmm ... EFOET ?? oops got side tracked here we go -
PISCES
Drinking style If you're a Pisces, you've probably already heard that you share a sign -- and an addictive personality -- with Liz Taylor, Liza Minelli and Kurt Cobain. Not only do Pisces like to lose themselves in the dreamy, out-there feeling that only hooch can give, but they build up a mighty tolerance fast. Who needs an expensive date like that? On the other hand, they're fabulously enchanting partners, whether in conversation or in crime. With the right Pisces, you can start out sharing a pitcher of margaritas and wind up in bed together for days. The phrase "addictive personality" can be read two ways, you know.
Trademark Cocktails Pisces rules fresh mint, and they do love a mojito or three -- though a julep will do just as well. They also like punches, like sangria or the oh-so-aptly named fish house punch. (Pretty much anything will satisfy a Pisces in a pinch, though -- "drinking like a fish" is an idiom pulled out of the zodiac, not the deep blue sea.) Pisces is a chocoholic and loves creme de cacao (and spiked cocoa).
Drinking buddies Drew Barrymore, Chastity Bono, Chelsea Clinton, Kurt Cobain, Edward Gorey, Queen Latifah, Liza Minelli, Anais Nin, Sharon Stone, Liz Taylor
