The Contact Resolution
Category: Life

Almost twenty years ago, when my vision started going and I began having trouble reading street signs, I was excited by the idea of getting glasses. I've always been a nerd anyhow, and I thought they would make me look mature and intelligent. Of course it's always easy to romanticize something you haven't experienced. After a few mad dashes in the rain, watching the lenses fog up as I went from air conditioning to outdoors, and endlessly trying to clean the smudges off of them, the novelty faded. And then there's the discomfort and those sore spots on the ridge of my nose. And the aggravation of having to take them off (and remember where I left them) to do anything physically active. And the glare watching television with the lights off. You get the idea.

My current pair are scratched, grungy and irreparably bent out of shape. (There was an unfortunate incident with a stripper…oh never mind.) And after a couple of chance conversations with friends, I decided to try the unthinkable: daily poking little rubber disks onto my eyeballs with my fingers.

On my first visit to the optometrist, he did everything in his power to discourage me from getting contacts, including warning me about the dangers of eye infection and the permanent damage that could do. The big lesson from that visit was to wash my hands before putting them in and taking them out and not to get sloppy and leave them in for days on end. (He said the occasional weekend bender was okay though.) But after I was adequately lectured, he sent me on my way with my first pair of contacts.

Sticking something in your eye is an acquired art. You can't will your eyelids not to blink, at least not at first, and that top eyelid will rip right from your finger's grip. But other than the daily struggle to get the contacts in, I've experienced almost zero discomfort. And I delighted in my first walk in the rain. The car air conditioning is another matter. I went from having glasses shielding my eyes from the cold blast to having my eyes especially sensitive to it, but a little adjustment to the vents fixed that.

The only real drawback I've found to contacts is that, uh…I can't see very well. I've gone back to the doctor twice now before finally settling on a prescription and I'm still nearsighted. Driving down the road, anything more than forty feet away is fuzzy and street signs aren't really crisp until I'm right up on them. (Isn't this where I started twenty years ago?) The doctor says it's the best he can do or I'll have trouble reading up close.

And then there's the biological factor. Your eyes produce mucus and it gets on the lenses. You blink it off; no big deal. Or the contacts dry out if you're focusing too hard and not blinking. Again, no big deal. But you don't have the consistent vision that you have with glasses and some days just seem to be bad contact days.

Final verdict: until I get the cash and the nerve for a laser procedure, I'm happier with the contacts than with glasses, and let's face it: I've made a financial commitment at this point. But I'll keep my beat up pair of glasses handy for lazy mornings like today. And if I had been wearing contacts for the past twenty years, this blog might well have been The Glasses Resolution. Neither is really perfect.

8:59 AM - 5 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

The Neon God

The Internet has been a true gift to our generation, a vast storehouse of all human knowledge available at little or no cost to everyone in the civilized world. Don't know your Shiites from your Sunnis? No problem! Worried about drug interactions? Look it up! Can't remember the name of that actress who played the receptionist in that comedy with Bruce Willis and the guy from Friends? Amanda Peet in The Whole Nine Yards. Easy! The Internet even houses the single largest encyclopedia in the history of man, with nearly two and a half million articles: Wikipedia. I know that because, yes, Wikipedia even has an article about itself.

There is a dark side however, and I warn you...the rest of this blog is disturbing. According to the Department of Justice, the distribution of child pornography had been nearly eradicated in the United States prior to the advent of the Internet. Now, with the availability of cheap digital cameras, the ease of online credit card transactions and the perceived anonymity of web browsing, the online exploitation of children has become a multi-billion dollar business, accounting for twenty percent of all pornography exchanged over the Internet and possibly topping one million individual images. Moreover, the Internet has made it easier for pedophiles and pornographers to make contact with potential victims.

This is not just a static problem either. The proliferation of child pornography has increased exponentially, seeing 400% growth between 2003 and 2007. Profits have even lured non-pedophiles to produce and distribute images, and according to the Internet Watch Foundation in the UK, the "severity and gravity" of these images is on the rise, becoming more brutal and depraved over time. The volume of child porn may also be desensitizing closet pedophiles and provoking yet more cases of abuse. It is so far unclear whether these images are actually fostering pedophilia in otherwise borderline personalities, but it is feasible. What is clear is that the Internet has driven the sexual exploitation of children and made each case of child pornography even more traumatizing as photos are circulated globally.

This is an international problem as many sites route data through multiple international servers to avoid prosecution. More and more, that problem is being met by the cooperation of law enforcement agencies from around the world, leading to the Virtual Global Taskforce and the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child.

Below are a few of the public organizations in the fight against child pornography. Although all their causes are laudable, I recommend doing some research of your own before contributing to any of them.

National Center for Missing & Exploited Children, a non-profit organization created by Congressional mandate and funded largely by the Justice Department. The NCMEC acts as a central point of contact for individuals and law enforcement, operates a tip-line and raises public awareness of child-related issues.

Enough is Enough, focused on making the Internet safer for children through public awareness, the development of new technologies and lobbying for new laws and stricter enforcement.

Internet Watch Foundation, a UK based organization that runs a hotline for illegal web content and coordinates with police, government and Internet Service Providers.

Childnet International, another UK based organization aimed at making the Internet safe for children through education and public policy.

Perverted Justice Foundation, Inc., a controversial but increasingly accepted organization that exposes sexual predators in part through volunteers who pose as children online and then report suspicious activity to law enforcement.

CyberAngels, an offshoot of the Guardian Angels, originally focused on monitoring online activities and has since changed its mission to educating the public about online safety.

Childexploitation.org, whose primary mission seems to be the dissemination of information. Their motto is "If the world sees it…the world will stop it!"

7:35 PM - 4 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

If Language Were Liquid
Category: Life

I've about had it with words: stupid, clumsy things that they are. They get in the way of any decent conversation. Why can't we just pluck ideas out of our heads and hand them to people? Wouldn't that be so much more efficient? No more misunderstandings. No more missed truths. No more awkward silences. Our every thought and emotion would be immediately understood.

And would we always be accepted? Most likely not, but at least we would be disliked for the right reasons. That would be a start.

But I guess I'm stuck with these vile little things…these words…at least until I can decide how to communicate via stick figures.

"I won't use words again
They don't mean what I meant
They don't say what I said
They're just the crust of the meaning
With realms underneath
Never touched
Never stirred
Never even moved through"
Suzanne Vega

7:36 PM - 13 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

The Prayer Resolution
Category: Religion and Philosophy

As my latest mini-resolution, I committed myself to prayer for a month, slacking off a bit on the weekends, but on the drive to work each morning praying for guidance, thanksgiving and the blessing of those around me.

Regardless of whether we believe that we're praying to an almighty God, the unconscious universe or just our own higher selves, there's always an aspect of self-talk involved, and I think it almost has to be a positive experience because we naturally pray for good things and it helps us to center ourselves. Prayer gives us perspective, focuses on our blessings, washes away needless worry and anger, and reminds us of the needs of friends and family. It also makes us invest ourselves in the events surrounding us.

There are probably a few caveats to prayer though. One is that it can lead to self-righteousness. Although few of us would intentionally pray for bad things, our prayers may be misguided and serve to reinforce negative attitudes. Praying, for instance, that my poor nephew comes to his senses about that woman he's dating makes a judgment about the woman and assumes that I know what's best for my nephew. So I think it's important to approach prayer with an open heart and keep our requests simple.

Another concern is that prayer shouldn't be a substitute for action. Prayer gives us a warm fuzzy and a sense of accomplishment, but if someone is hungry, but wouldn't they prefer a sandwich? If they're dispirited, wouldn't they prefer a friend? Meanwhile, prayer combined with a willingness to act becomes a powerful tool.

And finally, however positive prayer may be, five minutes of quiet contemplation is little match for the other sixteen waking hours of a potentially chaotic and contentious day, when our attitudes may take an entirely different turn. Committing a specific time each day to pray is an excellent idea because it keeps us anchored to the habit, but I believe the true power of prayer comes with entering into a prayerful state throughout the day and turning to prayer whenever we're faced with a new obstacle.

In my short time, I can't say I became a prayer warrior or that I saw some dramatic change in my life, though I do feel that I found at least some peace over a few things. I also saw a few prayers "answered" when the thing I prayed for came to pass, but so far none of them particularly miraculous where I could claim some divine intervention. And interestingly, I had a couple of prayers answered more directly in the form of that proverbial "still, small voice." I'm not talking about a literal voice nor am I saying that God spoke to me, but I did get feedback by way of epiphany when I tried to express certain viewpoints in prayer only to suddenly realize that I was mistaken.

(And speaking of that still, small voice, many years ago when I was a Christian and waiting through the church invitational, I would sometimes feel mysteriously compelled to pray for a specific member of the congregation, often someone I didn't even know. I would initially resist, debating in my mind how I can pray for someone when I don't even know why. But that sense of urgency would persist and I would obey, only to see that person step forward and kneel at the altar, heavy-hearted and deep in their own prayer, a few minutes later. As an agnostic today, I won't attempt to explain that.)

Final verdict: regardless of your belief system, I think you can hardly do better than to spend a little time communing with the greater good.

5:04 PM - 8 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

Nothing Too Closely Examined Can Ever Be True
Category: Life

I almost hate to say one more word because I think the title says it all: nothing too closely examined can ever be true. Does my family love me? Does my boss appreciate me? Are my friends truly my friends? Do I have enough money? Is my house presentable? Is the world going to last another twenty years? Am I a good person? Am I a good parent, spouse or friend? Should I have said/done that? Do I look okay? Am I smart enough, charming enough, funny enough? Is my life complete? Am I happy?

These are all perfectly good questions to ask on occasion. But they're like quantum physics experiments that only work if they're not measured. If we study them carefully, we will always discover contradictions, and inevitably the answer will be no. As it turns out, we can prove a negative after all.

So the secret to life, it seems, is to only observe it from the corner of one's eye.

7:21 PM - 13 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

The Affirmation Resolution
Category: Life

Two weeks ago, I vowed to read the following list of affirmations each morning and reflect on how I faired each night.

1. I will be organized and productive. I will accomplish a little each day and will try to tackle at least one project that I can be proud of.
2. I will try to assume the best of myself, of others and of situations. I will remind myself of the inherent power of good.
3. I will treat people like I would want to be treated. I will be considerate and encouraging. I will be a good listener. I will smile frequently. I will look them in the eye.
4. I will practice patience. I will expect little and try to embrace what comes.
5. I will try to be open and relaxed. I will be silly sometimes. I will laugh easily. I will follow my bliss.
6. I will make mistakes and I will accept them. I will admit to them freely and apologize as needed.
7. I will be inquisitive. I will learn new things. I will seek the advice of others.
8. I will exercise periodically and will try to nourish my body daily.
9. I will take pride in my appearance. I will dress well and look the best I can.
10. I will pray regularly for guidance, for thanksgiving and for those around me.

And here are a few of the things I learned from this little experiment:

• Ten affirmations are too many to keep in my head at one time. I would make a list of maybe five, and two or three would be the passive, feel-good "I am worthy of good things" variety that Sean mentioned. When I thought I had those under my belt, I'd switch them up for another five.
• I'd expect setbacks. Changing your behavior/outlook means pushing your comfort zone. It will push back. Just keep at it.
• Go for the easy A! Decide to floss. Endeavor to check your email. The sense of accomplishment will give you the confidence to move forward.
• When it comes to action items, the more specific the better. That way, you can't second guess yourself later. "I will greet people by name" is more measurable than "I will be friendly" and you're more likely to accomplish it.
• Two weeks really is too short a time to expect much result. Progress takes time.

I did see small changes in my behavior, especially in the "easy A" department. I prayed more. I smiled at the girl at the drive-thru window. I ate a salad and drank a few bottles of water. Meanwhile, I can't say I followed my bliss at all. But the main improvement I noticed was that I focused more on the here-and-now. Today for once became more important than fretting over yesterday or dreaming about tomorrow. That in itself was worth the price of admission.

Final verdict: this one's a keeper. My list will change but I want to make positive affirmations a regular part of my self-talk. And for my next mini-resolution (and as part of my new list) I will pray each day for a month. Let's see if prayer really does change things.

8:08 PM - 8 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Where Your Treasure Lies
Category: Life

I went to church a couple of weeks ago. Odd behavior for me but, probably like liquor, only hazardous when consumed regularly or in large doses. (No offense: I have nothing against either religion or liquor in the hands of responsible people.) The sermon of the day was on a very familiar scripture, Matthew 6:19-21. I got to thinking about the suitability of this adage for all of us regardless of our belief system.

"Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: for where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."

How is your home looking? Does it seem as clean or spacious as when you moved in? Has the clutter of old junk you once loved hedged you in? Does your car still run (or gleam) the way it used to? Has your favorite outfit lost its color or gone out of style?

Or what about your body? Does it still look like it did five or ten years ago?

Of course there's the Internet. No moths or rust here. Here you can build empires and know that, thanks to redundant backups, they'll last as long as you do. That makes for a hollow existence though, don't you think?

Or maybe better yet, you can lay your treasures up in heaven and know that no one will ever take them away. But for each of us, heaven may be a different place.

Heaven could be in the eyes of your child. Or in other family.

Or maybe in good deeds.

Or laughter.

Knowledge.

Travel.

The warmth of friends.

Or is it somewhere else?

Wherever our personal heaven lies, it is a place beyond corruption. And the more we focus our energy on filling that special place, rather than on our physical possessions, the more our heart will follow.

2:18 PM - 8 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

This Blog Is Not Yet Rated
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities

Since I've been a little quiet lately, I thought I'd at least offer you a repost until I come up with something more inventive. Good evening, everyone.

Mary and I watched This Film Is Not Yet Rated, a documentary about the MPAA rating system. There are plenty of documentaries about censorship—and most you don't have to rent—but this one focuses on the MPAA itself and how it operates. I recommend it to anyone who doesn't mind being mildly bored for the sake of social awareness. However, you won't find it at Blockbuster; this movie is produced and distributed by competitor Netflix.

The MPAA acts without accountability and in virtual anonymity. Decisions are arbitrary and they refuse to explain themselves…unless they feel like it. Producers who choose to appeal a given rating are forbidden to site valid precedents established by other movies. Sometimes the producers are told what to change in order to obtain a softer rating, sometimes not.

I could almost defend the MPAA's free reign if it was used to differentiate between, say, the social worth of graphic violence in a Quentin Tarantino film—God love him—versus the violence in Saving Private Ryan. Instead they use their power predominately to dictate public morality and to censor the natural expression of sexuality. (And of course to protect our innocent eyes from acts that they consider to be aberrant, including homosexuality.) It's apparently okay to show someone's head getting blown off just as long as you don't reveal anyone's genitalia or, God forbid, depict a woman having an orgasm.

Also of note, sex comedies seem to get a free pass on crude and possibly degrading humor as opposed to movies that try to approach sex with some dignity. Not that I have anything against crude humor mind you.

But the MPAA isn't the only culprit here. The rating system, flawed as is it, might be passible if it weren't for Hollywood's unwillingness to finance and distribute NC-17 movies.

A side fact according to the documentary: 90% of the US media is controlled by six companies. Isn't that scary?

5:35 PM - 6 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

The Water Resolution
Category: Life

So I resolved to give up all beverages except water for six days to see what would happen. I probably couldn't have picked a worse time, not if I wanted to see results. I've been fighting a bacterial infection and have been on antibiotics the whole time. I also have a broken rib and have been taking occasional pain pills. So my body is all whacked out, I'm sick, I'm uncomfortable, and I have very little idea of what water did or didn't do for me. Also I should point out that I didn't attempt to drink the recommended eight glasses of water per day, and it was only for six days. But here are some of the reported benefits of drinking water, according to various web sites…

• Improves energy
• Aids in proper organ function
• Increases mental and physical performance
• Lubricates joints and muscles
• Flushes out waste and toxins
• Alleviates/prevents a variety of ailments
• Regulates body temperature
• Keeps skin healthy and glowing
• Reduces hunger/burns fat
• Reduces headaches and dizziness
• Helps to keep you more alkaline
• Allows for proper digestion
• Keeps you regular

In my less-than-scientific experiment, what I experienced most were headaches the first couple of days, possibly due to caffeine withdrawal and/or detoxification. Also, I found out how tough it can be to break any habit. I never drink water and didn't go an entire day without at some point trying to reason my way into buying a soda or at least a Gatorade. But I stuck it out and did notice clearer skin toward the end, and in previous attempts to drink more water, I had experienced a marked reduction in, uh…gassiness.

Final verdict: it's at least possible that I might start drinking a glass or two, and I might even come back to revisit this experiment under better conditions.

12:51 PM - 10 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

The Psychology of Sex Appeal
Category: Romance and Relationships

Gleaned from "Fast Forces of Attraction: The Building Blocks of Sex Appeal", Psychology Today, February 2008…

• Voice. Pitch may correlate with hormone levels and therefore suitability for mating. Not surprisingly, women generally prefer men with a deeper voice while men lean toward women with higher voices. (Personally, I find a throaty woman perfectly attractive.) In addition, those who speak fast are thought to be intelligent while those with varied inflection are perceived as more interesting.
• Reputation. Obviously, it never hurts for that potential partner to hear good things about you, but they're more likely to find you sexy if other people do as well. It's called mate-choice copying. So much for originality.
• Social class. We're drawn to those of a similar level and background as ourselves in hopes that they will share our values, interests and opinions.
• Appearance. You knew it would be on the list somewhere! Though tastes vary, markers of healthy genes, such as physical fitness, clear skin, symmetry and averageness* are almost universally favored. Also, physical indicators of high levels of estrogen in women and testosterone in men will increase their perceived good looks. In addition, a man's height may enhance his appeal while a woman's weight may be her enemy. (Don't shoot the messenger.)
• Mood. Attraction isn't all about the attractor; it's also about the attractee. Depression dulls the senses and dampens the chances they'll even notice you.
• Charm. People who are confident and dynamic make us feel better about ourselves. And their own self-esteem leads us to believe there must be something worthwhile about them.
• Body language. A genuine smile, steady eye contact and interested expression will speak volumes about any relationship.
• Humor. Women often prefer witty men because wit indicates intelligence. Men meanwhile tend to prefer women who appreciate their humor because it may suggest sexual receptivity. Regardless, compatible tastes in humor are key.
• Unavailability. We all want what we can't have. Playing hard to get can boost their passion for you but only in the right doses. If you tease them for too long, they'll give up and move on.

Also in the current issue of Psychology Today, a person's scent may offer subconscious cues regarding their compatibility. Experiments by Claus Wedekind of the University of Lausanne found that women were more attracted to the scent of men who were immunologically different from them, which would better their odds of having more disease-resistant children with them. The same article recommended that women should find alternative birth control to the pill while searching for that special someone, as the pill alters a woman's response to scents and may land her with Mr. Wrong.

*In this context, "averageness" refers not to plainness but to having features which are neither especially large nor small nor falling in any way outside the norm. Other research has demonstrated that facial features are frequently rated the most attractive when they respresent the median.

5:40 PM - 8 Comments - 5 Kudos - Add Comment