I know a cheaper way of getting an iPhone
Category: Fashion, Style, Shopping

1) Stop wanting to talk to people all the time. Talk is cheap, "doing" is the real talk, and you can't "do" shit over a phone (NOTE: some quiet "reflection" helps before the "doing"). Ever notice how phones cause us to want to tell our loved ones or coworkers to shut up so we can be less involved with them and more with stories of other fools? More or less.

2) Stop needing to take videos and pictures of nonsense. When a culture is engrossed with the variety of video pertaining to human ingestion of Coke and Mentos, or attempting to create plasma by straddling an open microwave, I think we can officially declare Rome over. It's like the days of Gladiators, only this time we're being thrown into deathmatches of idiocy - survival of the jackassiest. Folks, its time to re-arrange the deck chairs, vote for a president, start looking real busy to delay the eminent looting and pillaging. In that vein, an iPhone may be a good investment.

3) Stop needing 800 days of continuous music playback at your fingertips. Consider music an opportunity. Decide you will enjoy live musical performances from now on, as a way of getting to know street performers, local bars, cafes. No more RIAA. Alternative: consider borrowing an accordion and learning how to play that. Engage reality - it has a messy UI but the selections are so choice.

4) Look outside to get your weather. The "forecast" is a concept put forth by the corporate juggernaut and is intended to nearly always be wrong. Think about it - it's how they control the traffic. Only pilots and ship captains need up-to-the-second forecasts, and they don't get theirs from the iPhone (edit: I hope)

5) Maps? Slow down wherever you are going. Get out and ask someone where it is. It wont kill you, and using an iPhone while driving will likely kill you and your family, and, probably somebody else who may not have a vested interest in where you are going or how much time you were almost able to save. Leave breadcrumbs to find your way back home.

6) Stock Quotes? Stop gambling, you do not need up to the minute quotes. Unless your day job is managing hedge funds whilst and dealing with lawyers, shredding evidence and mulling over bribes, then my friend your hard earned income should be in mutual funds or bonds. Apple can't sell you that advice, but I give you it free, not because I am nice or smart, but because I am the vigilante of common sense. Stop believing advertisements and stop buying crap, then you won't have the need to gamble it all back.

7) Calculator? Pick up a solar powered one for $2 at the checkout stand. But of course, we're not exactly doing taxes here - we're calculating the 15% for tip at a restaurant, am I right? Cheaper all the way around - eat something you made at home that you actually know what the ingredients are (and where the hands have been)

8) A clock? Clocks are an archaic fixation of the 1800s. Wait it out, time too shall pass. Try to wonder about this the next time you're in a hurry - is time a function of reality, or simply of our minds, or of society? Next time someone tells you to hurry up, shove them up their own ass.

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