so, im having a daughter...
Current mood: determined

Bonfire of the Princesses

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music and thinking
Current mood: nostalgic
Category: Music

i love this little excerpt from mark pytliks review of the radiohead: in rainbows album.  it warmed the cockles of my nostalgic, old, music-loving heart.

"Like many music lovers of a certain age, I have a lot of warm memories tied up with release days. I miss the simple ritual of making time to buy a record. I also miss listening to something special for the first time and imagining, against reason, the rest of the world holed up in their respective bedrooms, having the same experience. Before last Wednesday, I can't remember the last time I had that feeling. I also can't remember the last time I woke up voluntarily at 6 a.m. either, but like hundreds of thousands of other people around the world, there I was, sat at my computer, headphones on, groggy, but awake, and hitting play."

i thought about all of the new release days that i used to anticipate, and how familiar i am with that feeling of excitement and of New Things.  and i thought about the LAST time that i raced out on tuesday morning to get a new record and race home so that i could listen intently and pour over the booklet.  oddly enough it was another radiohead album, kid a in 2000.  i was with alex zolli in my apartment on beacon street and i had just ended a relationship with this guy who i wasnt that into until i asked him to leave.  we turned the record up and drew in our sketchbooks and listened to this wondrous and beautiful new addition to our world. 

that very well may have been the moment that the 90's ended for me. 

Currently listening : Not Enough Night By Kubichek! Release date: 26 March, 2007

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Are you really here now?
Current mood: contemplative

from www.kk.org

no google allowed!  how well can you do?

You live in the big here. Wherever you live, your tiny spot is deeply intertwined within a larger place, imbedded fractal-like into a whole system called a watershed, which is itself integrated with other watersheds into a tightly interdependent biome.  At the ultimate level, your home is a cell in an organism called a planet. All these levels interconnect. What do you know about the dynamics of this larger system around you? Most of us are ignorant of this matrix. But it is the biggest interactive game there is. Hacking it is both fun and vital.

The following exercise in watershed awareness was hatched 30 years ago by Peter Warshall, naturalist extraordinaire. Variations of this list have appeared over the years with additions by Jim Dodge, Peter Berg, and Stephanie Mills among others. The intent of this quiz is to inspire you to answer the questions you can't initially.

30 questions to elevate your awareness (and literacy) of the greater place in which you live:

1) Point north.

2) What time is sunset today?

3) Trace the water you drink from rainfall to your tap.

4) When you flush, where do the solids go? What happens to the waste water?

5) How many feet above sea level are you?

6) What spring wildflower is consistently among the first to bloom here?

7) How far do you have to travel before you reach a different watershed? Can you draw the boundaries of yours?

8) Is the soil under your feet, more clay, sand, rock or silt?

9) Before your tribe lived here, what did the previous inhabitants eat and how did they sustain themselves?

10) Name five native edible plants in your neighborhood and the season(s) they are available.

11) From what direction do storms generally come?

12) Where does your garbage go?

13) How many people live in your watershed?

14) Who uses the paper/plastic you recycle from your neighborhood?

15) Point to where the sun sets on the equinox. How about sunrise on the summer solstice?

16) Where is the nearest earthquake fault? When did it last move?

17) Right here, how deep do you have to drill before you reach water?

18) Which (if any) geological features in your watershed are, or were, especially respected by your community, or considered sacred, now or in the past?

19) How many days is the growing season here (from frost to frost)?

20) Name five birds that live here. Which are migratory and which stay put?

21) What was the total rainfall here last year?

22) Where does the pollution in your air come from?

23) If you live near the ocean, when is high tide today?

24) What primary geological processes or events shaped the land here?

25) Name three wild species that were not found here 500 years ago. Name one exotic species that has appeared in the last 5 years.

26) What minerals are found in the ground here that are (or were) economically valuable?

27) Where does your electric power come from and how is it generated?

28) After the rain runs off your roof, where does it go?  

29) Where is the nearest wilderness? When was the last time a fire burned through it?

30) How many days till the moon is full?

The Bigger Here Bonus Questions:

31) What species once found here are known to have gone extinct?

32) What other cities or landscape features on the planet share your latitude?

33) What was the dominant land cover plant here 10,000 years ago?                                                                                                                        
34) Name two places on different continents that have similar sunshine/rainfall/wind and temperature patterns to here.

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possibilities
Current mood: sad

this is my uncle, gary ray townsend at basic training in 1968 at camp lejeune.  he was a lance corporal, united states marine corps, killed by a single gunshot wound to the chest in south vietnam on september 30th 1968.  he was 21 years old, and had been in vietnam for less than a month.  he is on the wall, panel 42 west.  an old friend of his left a letter for him at the wall, and it was published in this incredible book.  anyway, he would have turned 59 this month.  i never met him, but i miss him all the time.  i often think about what could have been if he had survived south vietnam, if he had never gone in the first place.  i think about my cousins that could have been, what he would be like.  would he have come to boston and gone through adulthood with my mom?  would he have settled in new york, close to his parents?  would the alcoholism that ruined my grandfather got to him too?  would he have wandered, homeless and lost?  would my mother have been happier when i was young?  its such a waste of a life, so many lost possibilities...

look how handsome he was.

Currently reading : Shrapnel in the Heart : Letters and Remembrances from the Vietnam Veterans Memorial (Vintage) By Laura Palmer Release date: 05 November, 1988

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this is new thing.
Current mood: calm

im going to start doing thing thing.  for reals.  i used to write a lot, and not to toot my own horn, but i used to be pretty good at what i did...some would say.  so, not that this myspace blog is the next great american novel, but for the amount of time that i spend on the computer, i thought it would be a good way to get myself back into the small habit of recording things from my life.  dont expect anything readable.  im sure no one is going to actually read this anyway.  except maybe jamie (hi shug!).

we are going hiking in montana in august in glacier national park.  we need to train, as the hikes are more strenuous and at a higher elevation that we are used to here.  im bringing along a little blank journal, because that is what one is supposed to do, right?  lewis and clark did that, right?  i picture myself perched on a log, looking down into the valley at grinnell glacier and the lake, left hand poised on my bear-spray and periodically yelling "HEY BEARS!".  ill write words that will survive me, and my grandchildren will find my glacier journal in an old trunk in the attick, under piles of jamies old garbage that he has hoarded through the years.  they will read it in awe, because by that time, the glaciers in montana will be long gone (they are expected to be totally melted by 2030) and the earths poles will be a hot new gay vacation spot.

so yeah.  ill get into the habit of recording minutia (sp???) here.  training for my vacation.  is it really a vacation if you have to train for it?

anyhoo.  here's an attempt at a new format, and a use for empty space.

Currently reading : The Best of Montana's Short Fiction By William Kittredge Release date: 01 December, 2005

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consume products
Current mood: irritated

barf!

"To me, a Pussycat Doll is fearless but also vulnerable, says lead singer Nicole Scherzinger.  Were strong but we like to play too.  The line in Dont Cha--dont cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me--is meant to be empowering.  The Pussycat Dolls are not about just being hot but also about saying something with real feeling."

Currently listening : Psychocandy By The Jesus and Mary Chain Release date: 25 January, 2000

7:16 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

for everyone posting shit about boycotting gas stations.
Current mood: cranky

Commodities Prices

crude oil futures are traded on the new york mercantile exchange which is a commodity market (like gold, coffee, pork bellies, soy and wheat), and the price is set by the market, and is strongly affected by media reporting and speculation, and not much by consumer demand.  its affected by speculation by hedge fund brokers and about war in iran, hurricaine season and other seasonal weather reports, questions about future refining capacity......etc. 

however, considering the fact that BP posted first quarter profits (FY06) of over 5.3 billion dollars, i truly think that it needs to be taken out of the hands of private industry and that the prices should be monitored by an independant government counsel.

its more complicated than just supply and demand, and i dont see any reason why prices would level off for any reason, particularily when we are approaching the summer months when prices normally spike anyway.

not to mention the fact that these small gas stations and owned and operated by small businesses who bought a franchise and that their profit margin is incredibly small (someone told me one cent on the gallon!) and that by boycotting a station for a day, the only one that is really going to feel is is this guy trying to feed his kids!

what you said about just not driving your car and getting around some other way is still the best idea.  its not going to drive down the cost of crude oil futures, but it will save your own wallet, your health and the environment.  (we're going prius shopping this weekend for the driving that we do!) 

but another HUGE thing everyone can do to lower our dependence on oil, more than just driving less, is to shop for locally made products and locally grown food.  its not just good for the community and local economy, but each individual has the power to save thousands of gallons of oil over a year if they dont buy products that need to be shipped to the store from california, china and chile.  THAT'S the way to get this shit done.

Currently watching : Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome Release date: 30 July, 1997

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red sox
Current mood: optimistic

here we go, for the start of a shiny new season.

its ON, bitches!

Tessie is the Royal Rooters rally cry
Tessie is the tune they always sung
Tessie echoed April through October nights
After serenading Stahl, Dinneen and Young
Tessie is a maiden with a sparkling eye
Tessie is a maiden with a love
She doesn't know the meaning of her sight
She's got a comment full of love
And sometimes when the game is on the line
Tessie always carried them away
Up the road from "Third Base" to Huntington
The boys will always sing and sway

Two! Three! Four!

Tessie, "Nuf Ced" McGreevey shouted
We're not here to mess around
Boston, you know we love you madly
Hear the crowd roar to your sound
Don't blame us if we ever doubt you
You know we couldn't live without you
Tessie, you are the only only only

The Rooters showed up at the grounds one day
They found their seats had all been sold
McGreevey led the charge into the park
Stormed the gates and put the game on hold
The Rooters gave the other team a dreadful fright
Boston's tenth man could not be wrong
Up from "Third Base" to Huntington
They'd sing another victory song

Two! Three! Four!

Tessie, "Nuf Ced" McGreevey shouted
We're not here to mess around
Boston, you know we love you madly
Hear the crowd roar to your sound
Don't blame us if we ever doubt you
You know we couldn't live without you
Tessie, you are the only only only

The Rooters gave the other team a dreadful fright
Boston's tenth man could not be wrong
Up from "Third Base" to Huntington
They'd sing another victory song

Two! Three! Four!

Tessie, "Nuf Ced" McGreevey shouted
We're not here to mess around
Boston, you know we love you madly
Hear the crowd roar to your sound
Don't blame us if we ever doubt you
You know we couldn't live without you
Tessie, you are the only only only
Don't blame us if we ever doubt you
You know we couldn't live without you
Boston, you are the only only only
Don't blame us if we ever doubt you
You know we couldn't live without you
Red Sox, you are the only only only

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whats wrong with this picture
Current mood: irate

Real Simple magazine asked it's readers to respond to the question, "What do you do to make housework more fun?"  The winning answers were published in the April 2006 issue. 

I would be interested in peoples thoughts.

This one is a gem: (emphasis mine)

"I hire someone who cleans houses to help support her family, and I'm more organized because of her assistance.  Plus, I find things almost every week that my family no longer needs.  Either she and her family can use the goods or she knows someone else who can.  For the two of us, it's a winning situation.

Vicki Collier

San Antonio, Texas

Currently reading : Democracy Matters : Winning the Fight Against Imperialism By Cornell West Release date: 30 August, 2005

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2006 State of the Union Transcript
Current mood: busy

THE 2006 STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS: COMPLETE TRANSCRIPT OF PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH'S SPEECH TO CONGRESS AND THE NATION
The United States Capitol
Washington, D.C.

REPRESENTATIVE HASTERT: Ladies and Gentlemen – Welcome to The 2006 President of the United States Show, starring George W. Bush.

And now... heeeeeeeere’s POTUS!

[Glitter cannons explode, The Charlie Daniels Band plays abridged version of "The Devil Went Down to Georgia", the President does quadruple back flip down aisle, pumps fists in air, pauses briefly to deliver tonsil-buffeting tongue love to Senator Joe Lieberman, then sashays purposefully to podium.]

THE PRESIDENT: Massa Speaker – AKA "Squinty O’Beefcheeks" – Mr. Cheney-bot, fellow Jack Abramoff groupies, distinguished journalists, DEKE circle jerk buddies, and whatever Chinkatronics aren't celebrating New Years four weeks late tonight by blowing off their stubby little fingers with firecrackers...

Today our nation lost a beloved, graceful, courageous woman – Coretta Scott King – whose husband's noble dream was shoved down the throats of the Old Confederacy by Democrat turncoats. How appropriate then, that on the very day of her death, Republicans should confirm a new Supreme Court Justice who spent his Princeton days eating lunch behind a clubhouse door that read "NO NIGGERS ALLOWED." (Applause.)

She was a real credit to her race, so let's applaud for the death of this civil rights hero-by-marriage. Because in another decade or so, there won’t be any of these NAACP pains in the poo flume left to drive us up the wall by whining about minor stuff like the small army of feds keeping Trent Lott's hurricane-ravaged mansion well-guarded while Chocolate City turns into Chocolate Death Gumbo – especially since it worked out well for them! (Applause.)

Now, for those of you watching this tomorrow on TiVo, you can just go ahead and fast-forward to minute 34, which is when you might actually hear something I haven't said like fifty trazillion times before.

Every time I'm invited to this rostrum – whatever the fuck that is – I am as humbled as a blue-blooded alcoholic sociopath can be. And I am mindful of the history we've seen together, like that time when the Supreme Court wiped their balls all over the Constitution and gave me the bestest gift ever: a bitchin' 747 outfitted with a shower and a little football-shaped thingie that controls 7,000 nukes!

We have gathered under this Capitol dome in moments of national mourning, such as the WB cancelling 7th Heaven, and national achievement, such as Playstation 2's Iraq War. We have served America through one of the most consequential periods of our history, and it has been my honor to preside over the wholesale replacement of the inalienable rights of man with the forces of the almighty marketplace and corporate largesse. (Applause.)

The White House Store! Intelligent Design Gear!

In a system of two parties, two chambers and two elected branches, there will always be tension. But just like in an Abu Graib dungeon, there must also be all-powerful majority party guards and helpless, shivering, naked, minority party prisoners. Even routine legislative steamrolling can be conducted in a wholly submissive environment, and Democrats' sense of ineffectual helplessness must not be allowed to harden into impudence, which is why we should thank Jesus that for the most part, we’re all rich, privileged Ivy League bastards. Tonight the state of our union is strong for me personally, and by continuing to act unilaterally, I will make it stronger.

(Applause, Airhorns, North Carolina Senator Liddy Dole Flashes Perky Tits.)

In this decisive year, my speech writers note that the road of isolationism and protectionism may seem broad and inviting, yet it ends in a pit of lost productivity devalued stock portfolios. And so we will yack on about pursuing the enemies of FREEDOM^®, lest we have to talk about or accomplish anything concrete that does not involve making life easier for us in the country club set. America's economy, based as it now is on cheap plastic trinkets manufactured in Communist dictatorships, remains the envy of the world.

In a complex and challenging time, the only way to protect our people, the only way to secure the peace, the only way to control our destiny is through leadership. My leadership. Which is why tonight, I implore the rest of the world to look to the United Bush States – but strictly in a "do what I say, not what I do" sort of way. Otherwise, we can and will kill your children.

(Wild, Orgiastic Cheers; Congressional Republicans Do the Wave; Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum Begins to Spasm and Speak in Tongues.)

Abroad, our nation remains committed to the historic long-term goal of John Wayne diplomacy. We seek the end of all tyranny that we do not directly sponsor or fund. Some dismiss that goal as misguided idealism, just like I did during the 2000 election. In reality, the future security of America depends on killing more of them than they kill of us. On the holy day of 9/11^TM, we found that problems originating in a failed and oppressive state 7,000 miles away could bring murder and destruction to our country – and supply a dogmatic and ethically bankrupt political party with handy-dandy campaign sound bytes and an ass-kicking foreign policy.

Dictatorships shelter terrorists and feed resentment and radicalism, and seek weapons of mass destruction. Democracies replace resentment with hope instead of health care or life preservers, and respect the rights of their citizens, unless they nibble the genitals of (GAG!) their own gender. Yes, every step toward FREEDOM^® in the world under threat of AC-130 gunships makes the American homeland safer, so we will act boldly in FREEDOM^®'s cause. Even if that means shredding the Bill of Rights to ribbons by claiming we're fighting an undeclared War Against Monsters In The Closet.

(Applause; Tomahawk Chops; ACDC’s "Shook Me All Night Long" Blares; Massachusetts Senator Ted Kennedy Spits Up Tapioca Pudding on Tie and Desperately Tries to Wipe It Off.)

Far from being a hopeless dream, the advance of FREEDOM^® is the great story of our time, right after the utterly necessary impeachment of President Clinton for throat-raping that fat chick who looks like Ariel Sharon in a Marlo Thomas wig. Don't get me wrong though – I like Bubba, and I will keep saying that publicly because it fucks with the head of his husband Hillary. (Winks.)

In 1945, there were about two dozen lonely democracies in the world. Today, there are 122 – and look how great things are! At the start of 2006, more than half the people of our world live in democratic nations. And we do not forget the other half, in places like Syria and Burma, Zimbabwe, North Korea and Iran, Vermont and France, because the demands of justice, and the peace of this world require their FREEDOM^® as well. Or at least, their total and utter eradication. There’s only room for one bully on this blacktop, and it's the bully that has "fire" tattooed on one testicle, and "brimstone" on the other.

(Thunderous Foot Stamping; Cymbals Crash; Utah Senator Orrin Hatch Sacrifices Goat)

No one can deny the success of FREEDOM^®, such as the FREEDOM^® of corporations to buy Congressional votes by sending ethically spotless elected officials on swanky golf getaways to Scotland on Gulfstream IV jets with diamond toilets. Yet some still rail against FREEDOM^®. And one of the main sources of opposition is radical and/or everyday Islam, another perverse non-Christian pseudo-faith like Scientology, based on an ideology of terror and death and aliens and Tom Cruise.

Terrorists like Osama Hussein are as serious about mass murder as I am, and all of us must take their declared intentions seriously, or there’s nothing to run on during this year's congressional elections. They seek to impose a heartless system of totalitarian control throughout the Middle East and arm themselves with weapons of mass murder. And to that I say: "Nuh-uh! Us first!"

Their aim is to seize power in Iraq and use it as a safe haven to launch attacks against Ohio and Florida. Lacking the military strength to challenge us directly, the terrorists have chosen the weapon of fear – and NOBODY gets to use that weapon against America unless his name is "Karl Rove!" When they murder children at a school in Beslan or blow up commuters in London or behead a bound captive, the terrorists hope these horrors will break our will, allowing the violent to inherit the earth. But they have miscalculated. We love our FREEDOM^®, and we will fight to keep it. Even if that means cheap references to international tragedies during a hollow, platitude-strewn stump speech.

(Chief Justice Roberts, and Justices Scalia, Thomas, and Alito Stand & Deliver Barbershop Quartet Rendition of "Hallelujah")

America rejects the false comfort of isolationism, even if my grandpappy Senator Prescott Bush loooooooved it. We are the nation that saved liberty in Europe during "Saving Private Ryan" and liberated death camps after all the death happened and helped raise up democracies like Augusto Pinochet's paradise in Chile and faced down an evil empire by blowing up the Death Star twice. And we continue to build democracies, and just as soon as we're done with that, we'll start up on New Orleans.

We remain on the offensive against terror networks, like Bravo and CNN. We have killed or captured many of their leaders, and I got the scalps to prove it. And for the others, their day will come – AND I’M TALKING TO YOU, BATSHIT MUSLAMIACS! We remain on the offensive in Afghanistan, a city-state comprised of only the capitol city of Kabul, where a fine president whose name I can't recall but I know wears a faggy cape and a National Assembly are playing grabass with each other while building the foundations of a new democratic oil pipeline state and waiting, waiting, waiting for us to leave.

We're on the offensive in Iraq, with a clear plan for victory. The first step is firing up a puppet government. Thankfully, the Iraqis think they're voting to get us the hell out of their country, which is a lot like Arizona, only instead of the new Medicare plan slowly killing old folks, it's car bombs that kill them lickety split! Iraqis are showing their courage every day, and we are proud to be their allies in the cause of FREEDOM^®. Because they do not have a choice. Our work in Iraq is difficult, because our enemy is brutal, but we’re brutalerer. Fellow citizens, we are in his fight to win, and we are winning. Cuz this is the year Oceania GOES DOWN.

(Andy Card Wields T-Shirt Bazooka to Fire "Jeb 2008" Wifebeaters Into Balcony)

The road of victory is the road that will take our troops home, but sadly, it's the scenic route. As we make progress on the ground and Iraqi forces increasingly absorb the shrapnel, we should be able to further decrease our troop levels and move them to the future Tehran Green Zone. But those decisions will be made by our muzzled and neutered military commanders, not by elected officials in Washington, D.C.

Our coalition has learned from experience in Iraq. For instance, we learned that anyone with a twitchy moustache needs to be shot. We've adjusted our military tactics and changed our approach to reconstruction, and judging from the way the post-Civil War Reconstruction of the American South went, we should be done sometime in the next twenty to thirty years. Along the way, we have benefited from responsible criticism from political cronies and Lockheed Martin lobbyists and counsel offered by members of Congress of both parties – namely right-wing AND moderate Republicans. In the coming year, I will continue to reach out and seek your good advice.

(Points to House and Senate Democrats)

BUT NOT YOU.

Yet there is a difference between criticism that aims for success and is nigh-imperceptible, and defeatism that refuses to acknowledge anything but failure, and is total fucking treason. Luckily, the Democrats are just a bunch of wheatgrass-scented word-farts who can't make a case for shit, because as Nancy Pelosi will tell you later, they stand for affordable broadband for all US citizens and oh yeah, you think that California bitch doesn't take moolah from that state's robust military-industrial complex? What-EVAH. If John Frankenkerry actually believed in anything other than expertly tailored suits, he'd have won. But he didn't.

Hindsight alone is not wisdom. Wisdom is saying you're right, even when you know you're wrong. And second guessing is not a strategy. Basically, strategies is for pussies. (Applause.)

With so much in the balance, those of us in public office have a duty to speak with carefully-scripted, focus-tested candor.

Members of Congress, however we feel about the decisions and debates of the past, our nation has only one option: SHUT UP. Our men and women in uniform are making sacrifices and showing a sense of duty stronger than all fear, and thank Christ we don't have to. They actually know what it's like to fight house to house in a maze of streets, to wear heavy gear in the desert heat, to reduce an entire unarmed family to a steaming pile of Shiite sirloin. Which is why it is so important to not think of our soldiers as fellow citizens, or even as human beings. Think of them the way you think of a national monument – proud, noble, pretty, and "Hey let's get a hot dog and head over to the Smithsonian."

And now I will memorialize a soldier for political points: Marine Staff Sgt. Dan Clay was killed last month fighting in Fallujah. He left behind a letter to his family, but his words could just as well be addressed to every American. Here's what Dan wrote: "I know what honor is. It has been an honor to protect and serve all of you. I faced death with the secure knowledge that you would not have to. Never falter. Don't hesitate to honor and support those of us who had the honor of protecting that which is worth protecting."

Wow. Rarely has the verbatim regurgitation of GOP talking points been so poetic. Thank Jesus that Armed Forces Radio only carries Rush Limbaugh. (Applause.)

Staff Sgt. Dan Clay's wife, Lisa, and his mom and dad, Sara Jo and Bud, are with us this evening. Welcome. Savor this mega-brief moment basking in the near-blinding spotlight of pity fame. You'll want to think back on it often once you stop grieving and notice all the bases I'm closing, the benefits I'm chopping, and the flag-draped coffins I avoid like the plague.

Yes, democracy is a global panacea. And America shouldn't think twice about sacrificing thousands of our people to bring it to the Middle East. Just look at the past few months, when Arabiacs in Iraq and Palestine finally had the privilege of democracy handed to them – and promptly voted their liberty away to a pack of religious fundamentalist nutcases. Of course, democracies in the Middle East will not look like our own – at least not until the Christian Taliban has finished hijacking ours in another thirty years or so.

Tonight, let me speak directly to the citizens of Iran. Howdy! America respects you, and your Persian rugs and oil fields, and appreciates how nice you played with my Uncle Ronnie over the hostages and weapons. So forgive us if we never invite you over for dinner anymore. Our nation hopes one day to be the closest of friends with a FREE^® and democratic, and if need be, glow-in-the-dark, totally lifeless Iran.

(Applause. Choreographed Red, White and Blue Aerosol String Show)

OK, next on the laundry list... AIDS! Honestly, I have absolutely nothing new to say about AIDS. Last year I threw out the Ryan White Act bone, too. Guess how much progress has been made? (Winks.) Well that's no big surprise. After all, how can Congress be expected to waste time worrying about homos and colored junkies when there are politically invaluable vegetards to be saved!

But back to TERROR! You know, back on 9/11^TM, folks had a rock-hard boner for some vicious, no-holds-barred payback. So on 9/12, we conducted a top-secret poll of the American people. At that time, everyone clearly indicated that they would have zero problem with me doing whatever the hell I want. They said I could bomb and invade ANY country. They said our polite interrogations should include skinning Islamoids alive and making them eat bacon & barbecued man-cock gyros. And yes, they said I could monitor the e-mail and phone calls of any motherfucker who so much as squinted funny at an "I Support Patrio-Fascist Groupthink" bumpersticker. (Applause.)

And yet today, folks are actually daring to suggest that it's CRIMINAL when a BUSH runs roughshod over the law by spying on American citizens without a court order? Honestly, I thought we were beyond all that post-Watergate hoo-ha. Fortunately, all it will take to make everyone forget all about my impeachable offense is another Al Qaeda hit on US soil. And since Saddam bin Labia has just issued his religion-prescribed pre-attack warning, we can probably expect that to happen before I come back to give this speech next year. Before Election Day would be even better. (Applause. Hoots.)

Here at home, there's all kinds of stuff and issues and whatnot. And since this is the first time I've ever given this speech when an overwhelming majority of Americans have finally caught on to the fact that I have pretty much no fucking idea what I'm doing, I thought I would try to bust out a little bit of that warm-fuzzy blah-blah that might make people think nice stuff about my party when they walk into the voting booth ten short months from now.

Our economy is super-healthy and mega-vigorous. In the last two and a half years, America has created 4.6 million new Wal-Mart jobs – which, even though they may not even pay enough to allow a family of three to subsist on Friskies Buffet, at least they get those 4.6 million people off the streets for a few hours a day. That way, us normal folks are spared the agony of having to look at them lounging around on comfy steam grates. And then while they're toiling for $1.00/hour, the Department of Sanitation can haul all their stinky refrigerator box houses off to the dump. (Applause.)

Yes, the American economy is pre-eminent. As much as the rest of the world may hate us, what they secretly want is to live our lives – lives of slothful gluttony, in which their embarrassingly firm buttocks can ooze ever outwards to the edges of the vinyl bucket seats in the latest model Chevy Suburban. Which is precisely why America cannot afford to be that Protectionarianist thing. And by Protectionistical, I mean "adverse to giving our mega-corporations carte blanche to corral Earth's third world poor folk into modern day slavery-lite." (Applause.)

Tonight I will set out a better path. Specifically, a path that is 100% identical to the one I have been bushwacking for the past five years. Sometimes, just mentioning something again makes it seem all-new! (Applause.)

Keeping America competitive requires us to be good stewards of tax dollars. Every year of my presidency, despite increasing the deficit faster than my darling daughter Jenna can funnel a sixer of Pabst, I'm happy to say we've reduced the growth of nonsecurity discretionary spending. How's that for finding a silver lining? In related news, we continue to reduce the increase of nonpeacetime amputations in our military!

Congress did not act last year on my proposal to save Social Security.

(Boisterous Democratic Applause.)

Oh, real cute, you jackasses! That kind of sarcastic irreverence is totally inappropriate for this event. Somebody call security and have all these dummycraps escorted into the back room where at this very moment, we're torturing that bird-lookin' Cindy See-Saw gash who camped outside my ranch all summer.

Keeping America competitive requires an immigration policy that can somehow juggle my need to appease the Republican business owners who want Mexi-Rican toilet scrubbers, with my desire to not piss off the armed-and-dangerous Minutemen Cracker demographic that actually votes for me. And I am committed to keep on juggling.

Keeping America competitive also requires affordable health care. Fortunately, "affordable" is relative. Sure, old folks may be too dementia-addled to figure out their super-easy new Medicare benefits so they can afford their high blood pressure meds, but so long as my lovely and hilarious wife can pay out-of-pocket to get 20 pounds of cellulite vacuumed out of her ass before the GOP convention, I have no complaints. (Applause.)

Alright, now here comes the part where I'm gonna flat-out blow all your minds and send every poindexter journalist in the country scrambling for the phone, and every greasy Internet nerd scribbling furiously into their blogga-wogga-ding-dongs. Are you ready? Shhhhhhhhhh....

America. Is. Addicted. To. Oil.

(GASPS.)

That's right! For the FIRST TIME in my Presidency, I went and done opened that Pandora's Box called "the truth." Can you believe it? Here's some more:

America. Makes. Shitty. Cars.

(SHRIEKS OF HORROR.)

America. Is. Totally. Bankrupt.

(MASS FAINTINGS.)

OK, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, how could George W. Bush, our beloved Texas Oil CEO, possibly betray his petrochemical patrons and advocate alternate hippy-drippy energy sources like corn and wind and hydrogen?

Well if you happened to catch this week's quarterly earnings reports from Chevron-Texaco and Exxon-Mobil, you'd know that I can AFFORD to talk like a fucking lunatic retard for a few minutes. Dig? Don't worry though, because a fat chunk of those oil profits will be spent lobbying Congress to EXTERMINATE any bill that challenges the energy status quo. And you can – I mean I – can take that to the bank! (Applause, Laughter.)

In recent years, America has become a nation filled with people who hope. Hope that they'll still be employed the next month. Hope they won't be killed by boxcutter-wielding terrorists. Hope they can pay their mortgage. Hope they can keep their health insurance. And most importantly, since more and more Americans are doing in droves, hope that by giving money to a slimy TV preacher who tells you to beg for stuff from the reanimated corpse of the son of an invisible man who lives in the clouds, that everything will be A-OK-Peachy-Keen.

Moving forward, working in cooperation with our Godly Republican Congress and newly-conservatized Supreme Court, I pledge to do everything in my power to keep exactly that brand of hope alive. (Applause.)

And speaking of the Supreme Court, I’d like to give one last shout-out to my new, second-favorite Spaghetti-O slurpin' guinea-wop, Justice Sammy Alito. WOOP! WOOP! WOOP! Slutty little bitches better keep their snatches shut, right Sammyboy? Cuz pretty soon all their eggs is gonna have a USDA APPROVED nano-stamp! (Applause.)

Fellow citizens, we've been called to leadership in a period of consequence. We've entered a great ideological conflict we did nothing to invite – and if you say anything that even hints otherwise, that means you're a TERRORIST. Because if there's one thing that those medievalist Islamians are 100% correct about, it's that the world is black and white, and that thinking about things in non-simplistic non-absolutes is for stupid-assed peaceniks. (Applause.)

Before history is written down in books, it is written on yellow legal pads by glistening fat men in top hats and monocles who chomp on illicit Cuban cigars in the basement of the American Enterprise Institute. And my friends, if the past five years have shown us anything, it's that those boys are on one fuck of a roll!

Thank you, and may Jesus continue to bless Me, His hand-picked ruler of His favorite country.

(Applause. Chants of "USA, USA, USA!")

SEE ALSO:

• 2005 State of the Union Address
• 2004 State of the Union Address
• 2003 State of the Union Address
• 2002 State of the Union Address

Currently reading : Life Stories : The Creation of Coherence (Oxford Studies in Sociolinguistics) By Charlotte Linde Release date: 01 July, 1993

9:29 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

men can stop rape
Current mood: enraged

"a lot has been said about how to prevent rape.
women should learn self-defense. women should lock themselves in their houses after dark. women shouldn't have long hair and women shouldn't wear short skirts. women shouldn't leave drinks unattended. fuck, they shouldn't dare to get drunk at all.

instead of that bullshit, how about:

if a woman is drunk, don't rape her.
if a woman is walking alone at night, don't rape her.
if a women is drugged and unconscious, don't rape her.
if a woman is wearing a short skirt, don't rape her.
if a woman is jogging in a park at 5 am, don't rape her.
if a woman looks like your ex-girlfriend you're still hung up on, don't rape her.
if a woman is asleep in her bed, don't rape her.
if a woman is asleep in your bed, don't rape her.
if a woman is doing her laundry, don't rape her.
if a woman is in a coma, don't rape her.
if a woman changes her mind in the middle of or about a particular activity, don't rape her.
if a woman has repeatedly refused a certain activity, don't rape her.

if a woman is not yet a woman, but a child, don't rape her.
if your girlfriend or wife is not in the mood, don't rape her.
if your step-daughter is watching tv, don't rape her.
if you break into a house and find a woman there, don't rape her.
if your friend thinks it's okay to rape someone, tell him it's not, and that he's not your friend.

if your "friend" tells you he raped someone, report him to the police.
if your frat-brother or another guy at the party tells you there's an unconscious woman upstairs and it's your turn, don't rape her, call the police and tell the guy he's a rapist.

tell your sons, god-sons, nephews, grandsons, sons of friends it's not okay to rape someone.

don't tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape.
don't imply that she could have avoided it if she'd only done/not done x.
don't imply that it's in any way her fault.
don't let silence imply agreement when someone tells you he "got some" with the drunk girl.
don't perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have no control over or responsibility for your actions. You can, too, help yourself.

If you agree, repost it. It's that important."

-taken from groups.myspace.com/stoprape

-also visit www.mencanstoprape.org

6:32 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

sinful, and a damn shame.

from Think Progress

Veterans Day Outrage: Conservatives End 55-Year-Old Practice of Hearings for Vet Groups

On Tuesday — three days before Veterans Day — House Veterans’ Affairs Committee Chairman Steve Buyer (R-IN) announced that for the first time in at least 55 years, “veterans service organizations will no longer have the opportunity to present testimony before a joint hearing of the House and Senate Veterans’ Affairs Committees.”

Remember that Buyer was handpicked by criminally-indicted Rep. Tom DeLay (R-TX) to replace former veterans committee chairman Rep. Chris Smith (R-NJ), who had been extremely vocal about the consistent underfunding of veterans causes.

The Disabled American Veterans, the “official voice of America’s service-connected disabled veterans,” just issued a scathing release calling the move “an insult to all who have fought, sacrificed and died to defend the Constitution.” The timing, they said, “could not have been worse.”

full release from U.S. Newswire

Veterans Lash Out at Loss of Voice on Capitol Hill

11/10/2005 11:09:00 AM

To: National Desk

Contact: David E. Autry of Disabled American Veterans, 202-314-5219

WASHINGTON, Nov. 10 /U.S. Newswire/ -- A proposal to end the long-standing practice of veterans groups addressing a joint session of the House and Senate Veterans' Affairs Committees is an insult to all who have fought, sacrificed and died to defend the Constitution, according to the Disabled American Veterans (DAV). And in a strongly worded letter to House Veterans' Affairs Committee Chairman Steve Buyer (R-Ind.), the DAV has urged him to continue the joint hearings as an invaluable tool in formulating public policy toward America's veterans.

Chairman Buyer recently announced that veterans service organizations will no longer have the opportunity to present testimony before a joint hearing of the House and Senate Veterans' Affairs Committees.

"The tradition of legislative presentations by veterans service organizations dates back to at least the 1950s. And the timing of this announcement -- just before Veterans Day -- could not have been worse," said DAV National Commander Paul W. Jackson.

For several decades now, these joint hearings have been held each year to allow the elected leaders of veterans groups to discuss their organization's legislative agenda and foremost concerns with the lawmakers who have jurisdiction over federal veterans programs. Senators and Representatives who serve on those committees also get the rare opportunity to address the hundreds of constituent members from these organizations' who make the annual pilgrimage to Capitol Hill.

"The right to fully participate in the democratic process is a cornerstone of our nation," said Commander Jackson. "Eliminating these joint hearings is an insult to the men and women who have fought, sacrificed and died to protect our Constitutional rights, including the right to petition the government."

This important dialog between veterans and their elected representatives is crucial to the democratic process and a unique opportunity for the men and women who've put their lives on the line for America. Many of the veterans who take part in the hearings view it as their patriotic duty, as well as a fundamental right.

------

The 1.3 million-member Disabled American Veterans, a non- profit organization founded in 1920 and chartered by the U.S. Congress in 1932, represents this nation's disabled veterans. It is dedicated to a single purpose: building better lives for our nation's disabled veterans and their families. For more information, visit the organization's Web site http://www.dav.org

4:52 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

sally social worker

"Social Workers Get Big Payoff"

Wednesday, May 18, 2005 Regina Brett Cleveland Plain Dealer Columnist

"Sally Social Worker"

I've been called that for writing "bleeding heart" columns.

After looking into the eyes of a sea of social workers on Sunday, I'll never take that as an insult.

When the folks at The Mandel School of Applied Social Sciences at Case Western Reserve University asked me to speak at Sunday's commencement, I wasn't sure what to say. I asked my friends who are social workers. They told me to be funny. Social workers could use a good laugh. Tell jokes, they said.

Jokes? I don't know any jokes about social work, except the ones my friends send me:

How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb? None. They empower the bulb to change itself. How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb? None. The bulb isn't burned out, it's just differently lit. How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb? None. They set up a team to write a paper on coping with darkness. And my favorite, How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb? The light bulb doesn't need changing, it's the system that needs to change.

Actually, my friends probably got those jokes from the same Web sites where I found this:

A mugger with a gun confronts a social worker. The mugger yells, "Your money or your life!" "I'm sorry," the social worker answers, "I'm a social worker, so I have no money . . . and no life."

Social workers, like most teachers, don't make much. Or do they? I recently read a powerful e-mail about what teachers make by the poet and comic Taylor Mali. It inspired me to rethink what social workers make.

What do they make?

They make an infertile couple celebrate a lifetime of Mother's Days and Father's Days by helping them adopt a crack baby no one else wanted.

They make a child fall asleep every night without fear of his father's fists.

They make a homeless veteran feel at home in the world.

They make a teenager decide to stop cutting herself.

They make a beaten woman find the courage to leave her abuser for good.

They make a boy with Down syndrome feel like the smartest kid on the bus.

What do they make?

They make a 10-year-old believe that he is loved and wanted, regardless of how long he lasts in the next foster home.

They make a teen father count to 10 and leave the room so he won't shake his newborn son.

They make a man with schizophrenia see past his demons.

They make a rape victim talk about it for the first time in years.

They make an ex-convict put down the bottle and hold down a job.

What do they make?

They make a couple communicate so well they decide not to get divorced.

They make a dying cancer patient make peace with her past, with her brief future, with her God.

They make the old man whose wife has Alzheimer's cherish the good times, when she still remembered him.

They make forgotten people feel cherished, ugly people feel beautiful, confused people feel understood, broken people feel whole.

What do they make? They make more than most people will ever make. They make a difference."

Suzanne Tow Director of Human Resources Edwin Gould Services for Children and Families 40 Rector St., 12th Floor New York, NY 10006 212-437-3569

6:38 AM - 3 Comments - 5 Kudos - Add Comment

You know you're Assyrian when.....

You drink tea like its water.

Grandparents survived the 1915 Genocide,and live to talk about it.

Salad is not considered a side dish.

We consume about as much rice as Asians do.

Depending on where in Iraq your from, you are called that..ex: Ashetha--> Ashnayee Tyrea-->Tyraeh

Every Assyrian is your cousin.

Rabbi Younadim Khanna is your uncle. Assyrian Democratic Leader.

When ever you hear about Iraq,you get sad.

Your dad resembles Saddam.

Every Assyrian you meet is a neighbor or was one back home.

It's not biologically possible for Assyrians to have small noses.

When you meet someone for the first time and your parents say "THIS IS UR KUZIN"

theres over 10 ways to say chicken in assyrian

When you have Pizza, tabula, Dolma and Masta on the same table

When ur parents dont want you to touch something they say "CHISSSSSSS"

You're father and grandfathers have hair on their ears

"You want a stereo! When I was your age, I didn't even have shoes!"

You arrive one or two hours late to a party and think it's normal.

You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house.

When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few minutes, you discover you're talking to a distant cousin.

Your parents don't realize phone connections to foreign countries have improved in the last two decades, and still scream at the top of their lungs when making long distance calls.

You hide everything from your parents.

Your mother does everything for you if you are male.

You do all the housework and cooking if you are female.

Your relatives alone could populate a small city.

You eat onions with everything.

You teach Americans swear words in your language.

You have cousins you have never met, whose names you don't know, but who insist they're related to you, even though they bear NO resemblance to...anyone YOU know.

No one ever seems to call ahead of time to say they are coming over for a visit.

Your grandmother insists you eat something every time you visit her.

You flip out when someone mistakes you for a Mexican or Indian

Your furniture is STILL covered in plastic from when your parents bought it.

You eat pita bread with everything and sometimes skip fork and spoons and use the pita bread to eat.

Your mother has blond highlights.

Your mother and aunts you thread to remove hair.

Your aunts and mother drink coffee just to get their fourtune read.

You have a cousin named Ashur or Nineveh

You get mad when you tell people you are Assyiran and they say Syrian.

1:57 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

The Soul of Socialism

The Soul of Socialism: Connecting with the People’s Values


by Stephen J. Fortunato Jr. Monthly Review July – August 2005

“Theory becomes a material force,” wrote Karl Marx, “once it seizes the
masses.”1 The obverse is also true: if theory does not “seize the masses,” it
becomes impotent and irrelevant. Today, in the United States and many other
countries, a socialist critique has been excluded from political and popular
debate regarding critical economic and social problems. One reason for this is
the domination of the mainstream media by corporations, but the existence of a
capitalist propaganda mill does not absolve socialists for failing to translate
their trenchant and sound observations about the existing social and political
order into language that will resonate with the values of the readers or
listeners who are the putative beneficiaries of any socialist transformation.

This era of capitalist