A guide for being a Gay White Ally in Heterosexual Race and Social Justice Initiatives.

Even in many of today's Progressive Movements, there exists a mentality that distinguishes sexual minorities from people of color/culture & religion who advocate for the latter while alienating the former. When attending this years Western States Conference at Reed College, Portland Oregon. I was approached by a Latino, fellow attendee who went out of his way to come over, shake my hand and explain how glad he was to have me as a white ally. I have no idea what I said or did to deserve this distinction. But I was flattered by the compliment and understood its meaning in a way that would have otherwise offended me had I not attended the conference in the first place. Not to suggest that being an Ally was lesser, just not on my terms. And that took some getting used to.

The title of Ally can be frustrating because it sets the tone through which the limits of contributions and expectations are assessed and valued. Credibility and trust within Race and Social Justice Initiatives take longer for white people to earn regardless of orientation. The process is rarely painless and usually involves disputes and hurt feelings. And if your own personal conduct is affected by flawed thinking about Race and Social Justice, this lack of respect is reinforced and you may not even be aware. And yes, gender is an issue. It may not be fair, but neither is life.

Throughout the Western States Conference, I heard lots of language classifying white people as allies, which made it pretty clear. Caucasians are welcome in the larger Progressive Movement but in a distinct way. Being Gay can complicate the situation. While it can help establish credibility, it can also place you at the kiddie table for dinner parties dominated by heterosexuals. This can alienate queers from participating in Race and Social Justice Initiatives that are dominated by heterosexuals. And if this is the way Queers feel in an environment dominated by straight people, then I can understand how it may feel for a Queer person of color trying to be understood in a Gay Activist environment dominated by whites.

I believe there is a significant role Queer White Guys in Race and Social Justice Initiatives dominated by heterosexuals. And for the time being, there will always be an understandable hurdle of finding a mentor who can act as an ambassador to the process while we come to terms with our own issues of institutionalized racism and the culture of privilege that favors caucasians. This is a resentful dilemma. White queers who can simultaneously relate to the experience of being discriminated against while benefiting from white privilege at the same time. It's as if these opposing conditions cancel each other out, leaving us to wonder what exactly is it that we have to offer?

Faced with this kind of push back, I can easily see how tempting it is to resign myself to writing checks, or even confine my activism within the confines of the Bear Community.  Not to suggest there's no diversity among Bears, but at least it would be on my terms. Sadly, the economic advantage afforded to me as a white person gives me the opportunity to opt out. However this kind of micro-activism is ultimately counter productive and contradictory in the larger scheme of things. It also makes for a good moral argument in that people who are privelaged bear a responsibility to journey out of their comfort zone in the name of Race and Social Justice.  Examples of this phenomenon exist in Tacoma's Gay Community. When you look at Tacoma's Gay Activist scene, who do you see more of Men or Women? Why is that?

Queer vs Hetero parity requires a solution to that remains elusive. Many LGBTQ participants see larger Race and Social Justice Initiatives as a club house with a sign that reads "no gays allowed" on the front door on account of that whole 'gays aren't a race' mentality. Queer contributions to the effort are sometimes even minimized or overlooked altogether. White Queers who do participate may feel role confusion and resent being seen as exclusively benefiting from the perks of straight white society rather than being a sexual minority. 

In the context of the larger Race and Social Justice Initiatives, benefits for the LGBTQ community will either be achieved separately or collaterally as a result of accomplishments that occur in the context of Race and Social Justice Initiatives. My advice is to keep the following points in mind:

1. Give yourself permission to listen to others

2. Give yourself permission to be wrong about the way you view the world

3. Don't disrespect yourself as a way to gain acceptance

4. When in doubt, be honest and ask, don't fake it.

5. Learn how to recognize leadership that is not white like you

6. Be patient

7. Find a mentor and get used to being mentored.

8. Say thank you to those who help you along.

Sooner or later you will have more than enough credibility and responsibility to handle.

-- HOMOVOX (posted with permission)

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Welcome to the era of Registration.

Washingtonians should be proud. Not only for being progressive in our pursuit of Marriage Equality but for our deference to the democratic process that arbitrated it. Many deserve credit for all their hard work, regardless of being left or right.  If the United States were to up and call it quits, I seriously doubt there is a more perfect union waiting in the wings ready and capable of extending newer and improved rights & protections. Whatever is in store for the fate of Marriage Equality, at least the future can say that we in 2007 deferred to a more democratic process. As hokey as this sounds, this is a credit to our imperfect society given the enormous controversy and animosity that inspired by the concept of Same Sex Marriage. 

Personally my thoughts on registration are mixed. What other things do we register? Our cars, our pets, ourselves (if your male & 18), sex offenders, various diseases and firearms.  And now we can register our relationships. How...nice? What does registration mean? Would my partner and I be required to show papers when challenged by hospitals? Could sinister agents use the list for midnight knocks on the door? I'm not content with mere registration, but agree it's an accomplishment and a solid step in the direction towards full fledged unconditional marriage equality. I'll be content when the Gay Community has the same privileges that straight people sometimes take for granted. Even if I could, I may choose to never marry because the choice is more important than permission. I want the gay community to flourish and thrive and access to universal expectations & consequences is a means to participate fully as peers in our society. It's one thing to fight and win equal rights. It's another to be respected and valued equal peer.

Denying same sex couples the right to marry, besides reinforcing the notion of heteros-in charge, is really a means to deny queers the expectations and responsibilities straight people expect from each other. The absence of expectations can be both liberating and confining. Obviously there must be some pay off for being in the married club that's greater than marriage itself. Point is, by not having marriage rights gays can be devalued because less is expected of us, which ultimately serves to reinforce false stereotypes.

Marriage equality removes another ability for straight people to express hetero-dominance and starts to level the playing field. So ironically, same sex registration could be used as a form of oppression through tolerance that says something like '…as long as you know your place, below me, We'll tolerate you and even let you visit your loved one in the hospital.  But for Gods sake, let us keep marriage. You can have Bravo & HDTV. 

There are many reasons to press on for marriage equality but mostly because it's a social justice issue that may even save religion from further manipulation. Before WA-DOMA, marriage was a contract between three parties, two spouses (absent were references to gender) and the state. Together all three entered into an agreement that allowed for the recognition and responsibility for couples to raise & socialize their children in a manner that would benefit our free market democratic society. Basically it was a legal means to hold parents accountable to the responsibilities and consequences of reproduction and child care in exchange for legitimacy, inheritance rights and the ability to have sex, since all other contexts, situations & venues were illegal.  

History has shown what can happen when power feels threatened. Back when the U.S. was just a colony, women in Europe and the New World held positions of power specifically as midwives, but eventually the religious & medical establishment convinced the public they were witches & burned them. In some places, the kindling used to start the fire was called....you guessed it ..'Fags.'  By comparison, life out in the Northwest was more liberal and open, at least until the 1900's when Rail Roads started connecting Washington to the East Coast. During this Frontier era, interracial marriage was the poster boy for chaos. However unlike Oregon and California, Washington was never able to pass interracial marriage bans because there were so many unions between Native American Women and White Men who didn't take kindly upon the notion that their relationships and their children could be rendered illegitimate. 

One can understand that for those in conservative positions of authority, gay marriage represents a loss of control that once rested exclusively in the hands of white males.  It's not about just being legal, but who has the power to make something legitimate in the first place, and to the fundamentalist right, Gay Marriage represents chaos to order and everything that allied with it.  Loosing the power to delegitimize gay empowerment is symbolic of a larger inability to maintain order in a system that has since become villainized as a secular den of activist judges and hedonistic liberals, thus setting the stage for someone with a Jesus complex to come in and start turning tables over.   This could explain why its' seen as a threat, because it's a mechanism that can derail the exclusive transfer of wealth & power that helps drive the tradition of white male privilege. Since that message is too complex & revealing, the Christian High Command has ordered it's foot soldiers to think that Gay Marriage is as dangerous as Iraqi Weapons of Mass Destruction and to ramp up the mantra of Gay as an abomination against God.

The logic behind civil and equal rights can not be suppressed indefinitely, which is something extrimists on the left or right can no longer accomplish non-violently. And this is a form of impotence that Viagra can't fix.  The ban on marriage between same sex couples and triads, may eventually succumb to the momentum that eventually eroded interracial marriage bans and sodomy laws of the 20th century, provided a wave of succession from the union isn't triggered through the struggle for other well known forms of marriage equality. Until then, for what it's worth, welcome to the era of Registration.

-- HOMOVOX (posted with permission)

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