Mitch Hedberg Quotes
Current mood: chipper
Category: Life
~I had an apartment and I had a neighbor, and whenever he would knock on my wall I knew he wanted me to turn my music down and that made me angry 'cause I like loud music... so when he knocked on the wall, I'd mess with his head. I'd say "Go around! I cannot open the wall! I dunno if you have a door on your side but over here there's nothin'. It's just flat."
~I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.
~I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling, I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle. ~I wrote my friend a letter using a highlighting pen but he could not read it, he thought I was just trying to show him certain parts of a piece of paper.
~My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
~I bought myself a parrot. The parrot talked. But it did not say, "I'm hungry,"........ so it died.
~I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've travelled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so that it will not fall off the wall.
~Burritos are sleeping bags for ground beef.
~One time a guy handed me a picture of himself, and he said, "Here's a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture of you is of when you were younger.
~My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. So which one's the real hero?
~Once I saw this wino who was eating grapes, and I said, "Dude, you have to wait".
~Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.
~I don't have a girlfriend. I just know a lady who would be really mad if she heard me say that.
~I tried to walk into Target, but I missed. Damn.
Currently
listening
:
Be Your Own Pet
By
Be Your Own Pet
Release date: 2006-06-06
Should be a horror movie!
Current mood: aroused
Category: News and Politics
I read about this in the news...sounds like the makings of another japanese horror movie to me!
TOKYO - A Japanese farmer who committed suicide by drinking pesticide vomited the poison at a hospital before he died, releasing toxic fumes that sickened more than 50 people, the hospital said Thursday.
Doctors were trying to pump the 34-year-old man's stomach when he threw up, spraying his rescuers with chloropicrin, causing 54 doctors, nurses and patients to develop breathing problems and eye sores.
Ten of them were hospitalized themselves, and 90 hospital personnel had to be called in to help with the emergency Wednesday night, said Tomoko Nagao, spokeswoman for the Red Cross Kumamoto Hospital in southern Japan.
Currently
listening
:
Lovers and Crypts
By
Bunny Rabbit
Release date: 2007-02-20
Ok here's a Valentine's day poem for all you fools that are in love right now...do you sense any hostility? nah
I was not in love when I wrote this, but I did write it for V day when I was like 15. I was one of two people chosen in our grade to have a poem published...and the other person chosen was actually a good friend of mine. :)
here goes
You Everyday I see your smile, I have to stop and think awhile Of how you make me feel so free, you unlocked my heart and made me see I just wish I could let you know... You make me feel like an only rainbow. All this time I've been thinking of you and how I wish dreams came true And then that day you came along, you sat by my window and sang your song Tears filled my eyes, happiness filled my face. I love you and your every embrace.
Ignorance is Bliss
Current mood: sleepy
Category: Life
So when i work there are times that I don’t have much to do, so I like to read the news. I’m always telling my co-worker the random stories I read and she keeps telling me I should do a blog...I dunno if I’m into that much but this story I read today was sooooooo fucking ridiculous I had to make a note of it...
There was this woman in Florida who was pulled over superbowl sunday for DUI. When the cop got to her window he noticed she had a case of beer seat-belted in the front seat. Upon further inspection he realized there was a 1 year old child in the back seat...with no car seat OR seatbelt...when he asked her why her child was not strapped in, she said "I don’t know" All I can say is WOW that is fucking awful excuse for a mother!
Currently
listening
:
Sick 'Em
By
7 Year Bitch
Release date: 16 June, 1998
amused
chipper
cynical
aroused
chill
sleepy
