Benazir Bhutto Assassinated..

Assalam Alaikum

Ms. Benazir Bhutto was assassinated a short while ago.

For those of you who do not know her, she was a Pakastani Prime Minister two times around who went into self-proscribed exile after facing corruption charges proceding both her terms as PM.

While I will not speculate on the conditions of these charges, nor the verity of them, I will testify to and declare the spirit of this woman to be that of one who not only desired, but expected change.  During her tenure, Ms. Bhutto made strands for the advancement of issues regarding the female gender, including advocation of education and healthcare.

I leave with the motto of the Pakastani People's Party

"Islam is our faith; democracy is our politics; socialism is our economy; all power to the people."

6:45 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

TURN OFF YOUR TV WEEK

April 23 - April 29 is Turn Off Your TV Week and I hope that some of you people out there actually participate this year. 

For too long networks have televised their own version of a reality, feeding distortions, abnormalities and complete lies to their audiences, reducing individuals and individual histories into complete oblivion.  Corporate greed, in an ever increasing age of consumerism, has turned off communication an co-existence; so for this one week, I implore you to instead, TURN OFF YOUR TV and turn on community.

NOW A CREATIVE CHALLENGE FOR YOU ALL

How Can You Use Your TV Alternatively This WEEK...

post your own answer to this list

1. Use it as a chair as you sit and read a book.

2:38 PM - 6 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

ROAD TO PEACE song by tom waits

So i just heard this song, and i think the lyrics are something that are very revealing to people who do not really understand the conflict. If anyone has ever seen the picture of little girls in Israel writing upon the bombs death wishes to the Palestinians and then signing their names with little hearts and love Sarah, Danielle, etc, then this really sets home. Then on both ends we have everyone being raised to be matyrs for a cause, but whose cause is it really? All these years of suffering need to conclude. If you dont know what I am talking about, I will be glad to converse with you.


Tom Waits
Road to Peace

Young Abdel Mahdi (Shahmay) was only 18 years old,
He was the youngest of nine children, never spent a
night away from home.
And his mother held his photograph, up in the New
York Times
To see the killing has intensified along the road to
peace

There was a tall, thin boy with a whispy moustache
disguised as an orthodox Jew
On a crowded bus in Jerusalem, some had survived
World War Two
And the thunderous explosion blew out windows 200
yards away
With more retribution and seventeen dead along the
road to peace

Now at King George Ave and Jaffa Road passengers
boarded bus 14a
In the aisle next to the driver Abdel Mahdi (Shahmay)
And the last thing that he said on earth is "God is
great and God is good"
And he blew them all to kingdom come upon the road to
peace

Now in response to this another kiss of death was
visited upon
Yasser Taha, Israel says is an Hamas senior militant
And Israel sent four choppers in, flames engulfed,
tears wide open
And it killed his wife and his three year old child
leaving only blackened skeletons

It's found his toddlers bottle and a pair of small
shoes and they waved them in front of the cameras
But Israel says they did not know that his wife and
child were in the car
There are roadblocks everywhere and only suffering on
TV
Neither side will ever give up their smallest right
along the road to peace

Israel launched it's latest campaign against Hamas on
Tuesday
Two days later Hamas shot back and killed five
Israeli soldiers
So thousands dead and wounded on both sides most of
them middle eastern civilians
They fill the children full of hate to fight an old
man's war and die upon the road to peace

"And this is our land we will fight with all our
force" say the Palastinians and the Jews
Each side will cut off the hand of anyone who tries
to stop the resistance
If the right eye offends thee then you must pluck it
out
And Mahmoud Abbas said Sharon had been lost out along
the road to peace

Once Kissinger said "we have no friends, America only
has interests"
Now our president wants to be seen as a hero and he's
hungry for re-election
But Bush is reluctant to risk his future in the fear
of his political failures
So he plays chess at his desk and poses for the press
10,000 miles from the road to peace

In the video that they found at the home of Abdel
Mahdi (Shahmay)
He held a Kalashnikov rifle and he spoke with a voice
like a boy
He was an excellent student, he studied so hard, it
was as if he had a future
He told his mother that he had a test that day out
along the road to peace

The fundamentalist killing on both sides is standing
in the path of peace
But tell me why are we arming the Israeli army with
guns and tanks and bullets?
And if God is great and God is good why can't he
change the hearts of men?
Well maybe God himself is lost and needs help
Maybe God himself he needs all of our help
Maybe God himself is lost and needs help
He's out upon the road to peace

Well maybe God himself is lost and needs help
Maybe God himself he needs all of our help
And he's lost upon the road to peace
And he's lost upon the road to peace
Out upon the road to peace.

Currently listening : Orphans By Tom Waits Release date: 21 November, 2006

6:52 PM - 5 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

another reason why i need a friend

i went to a Kill Your Idols show and totally had forgotten about it and my wacky adventures there and after. i don't even do drugs! man! i think all the THC from the pot my twin smokes is affecting me...

but there are lessons learned here

1. i am even cooler than i already knew i was

2. i really need someone to remember my actions

so now i am taking applications. sorry  missy. everyone who applies, do not use missy as a reference, she will probably lie about your credentials. but yes, post a resume or a reason why you think you should have the position of my friend and go on crazy random adventure with me... don't worry all are welcome to apply and there are many positions available... i'd say at least three random events a week so that's over 150 a year...

6:39 PM - 6 Comments - 5 Kudos - Add Comment

i need a friend
Current mood: curious

a friend who can actually remember my random wacky hijinx adventures

cause honestly, my memory is failing me. i came across some stolen government property today while cleaning out my bedroom and well, i just do not recall its acquisition...

so yes. friend applications are now being accepted- i promise a wild ride

11:28 AM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

thank you andre

you know, i haven't spoken to andre in years but i wanted to say thank you to him. so if any of you people know him, send him a thank you for me.

years ago i had a flat tire and didnt know how to change it. andre came at 3am in the freezing cold and snow to help me. he was great. i learned from him that day. even being independent everyone still has a little dependency.

so i wanted to thank you today, because of you i was able to help a pregnant woman change her flat today. your generosity lives forward.

12:10 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

entertaining suicide

to fathom the things we cannot trust

would be easier than this misunderstanding.

we've medicated ourselves into melancholy

where

sometimes the  anguish can kill faster than your hands.

somehow. i still feel. guilty.

5:38 PM - 3 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

RU screw

before i begin let me just say that my hands a re frozen and i am on a laptop, neither which make for good ty[ing

so idecided to talk bout a little somethign that is fanous at rutgers. its  caleled the RU screw. 

the first time i found about the RU screw was from some random guy that i was  talking to as i w alked to the parking deck.  we talking about problems  with rutagers  and  as we approached the deck he was  like well then i guess this is  your welcome with the RU Screw... i kind  of looked at him in  shock at forst cause    i thought he was going to rape me  or somethtng, i mean come on strange guy, parking deck... yes must be rape

anyhow it wasnt he goes  on to tell how people have been getting the royal ru screw  since they begin at rutgers and i seem to have already gotten it and i didnt even start classes yet. he said that it would only get worse. man was he right, a genius this potential rapist

so here is my RU screw story and for all of those out there, i think that i should  win a competition and  get free dinner for being nailed by the RU screw so badly, so if  anyone wants to take me out to dinner... i'll be  your guest!

starts off with me being naive. right all good stories start off  like this. isnt that stellar. 
so basically i applied to rutgers online, after i was fed up with working for two years and  decided i needed a break.  but of course i still  worked full tie while  attending school full time beause i couldnt affordit any other way.  ooo yeah  you should all  giev me money for my college fund. rock on

so i apply online and  i apply to the box that says university college thinking, rutgers  university, university college, new brunswick,  sure this must be it right.  well apparently i was wrong. see university college is only f or transfer students and continuing adult students, of which i was  not really either. i mean kind  of continuing adult cause i took two years  off, but i was only 20 so i wasnt like the typical nontraditional adult student that they normall accept. 

anyhow, so i get a letter in the mail saying that i have to go to the college to meet with an academic  advisor and get the whole  first year underway.  this happens to be lke the same day my grandmother died. so i go there the next day and a Dean  Gosset meets with me, and one of the first thing she  says to me  was "why  are you here, they shouldnt have accepted you"

oh boy, there went my dreams of  a college education. well i never really had any, but that was just really mean to say and i was so confused but i just kind of shook it off as her not really liking me cause i t hought she said  her name was dina and  not dean whatver. she  was  from newark. anyways so she is like well  you  need to take placement tests and the only  day you can do t hat is  thursday of this week.  meanwhile she gave me a litle slip of paper so i could  register for expos even though i still needed to take a placement test.

anyhow, so like wednesday that week i got my wisdom teeth taken out. so t he day after is the place ment test. manwhile my grandmother had  died right, i had  to miss  her funeral beause   i had to take these tests, supposdly the only day i was  allowed to right. what a f-in lie. anyhow so im thre with a nutcracker a nd pillscracking them open cause  i cant swallow [ills and  i had  m y wisdom teeth out so i must have looked  like  an addict.. now remember these tests cause we  come  back to htem shortly

then i h ad to go to financial aidand find out why the finaid  office w as telling me that i was not an NJ resident.  supposedly i couldnt get a grant cause i am not from NJ. i have lived here sincei w as three.  so i get there and theyre like we cant hlep you, meanwhile, you  have to pay out of  state tuiton and your bill is screwed  up necause  we charged you  instate tuiton.  if the state of NJ  doesnt see you  asa resident, then we dont either... that situation took care of itself in the sense that i paid instate tuition, but i still didnt get any finaid.  unfortuantely for me who has t o pay out of pocket and didnt have anyone to help me with the expenses (hencce the full time employment)

ok so first semester is going fine i guess, i take only monday wednesday classes acause  icommute and dont want to waste gas or drive. i end up being there more than justmonday wednesday cause i get actively involved  in  groups. i got an internship but rutges denied me credit for it, and it was worth 4 credits. sigh

so i come out of the first semester completely not challenged and go to the academic office to request a course  overload.  denied. why because i was a frshman of courrrse! the woman wouldnt even see  me when she found out i was a first year. when  she fianlly did resolve to see me, i a sked her the result of my placement  tests and she said that tere were no results cause  i h ad nevr taken t hem... afte that entire hassle THEY LOST MY PLACEMENT TESTS

sigh. so i gave up with her and decided to go to another woman. this  other woman told me how great i was (andi love to hear that s o just tell me how great i am any time) and that i was really smart to have such a high  gpa my  first semester and thus she let me take the extra courses tht i wanted to take.  meanwhile i maxed out my credit cards, and am still  trying to pay t hem off, by putting  the tuition  on them (so again, any money you want to send my way will help)

now ok so im taking 7 classes  this  spring semester, my secon semeste there, and during one of my finals  i am late to it because my grandmother, the other one, the one i lived with, had cancer and i was waiting for a nurse to come and take care of her cause she alwasy came when i had  school but she was a little late and then i was way  late because  of the construction on rt 18. i ended  up gettinga 40 on the exam, even though it was so e asy, and the teacher wouldnt let me take it over becauseshe said i shouldhave informed her of the situation before the day. im like how  am i  going to know that my grandmas  nurse will be late. she died a week later. that was the only class i didnt get an A in that semester.

since i had  done so well that semester, i decided to take 25.5 credits the next semester, which was 8 classes a nd  an editorial position on a lit mag.  mnd you i w as still w orking, this  time only 30 hours a week.  i was told that i had set a record with this many credits, but it has not been confirmed. i g ot all As.  skyrocketing GPA. but however during this term i also lost my job cause the place thati  worked at closed down. 

fortunately however, there was this new law that mcgreevy past that said that if you  lose your job o r if u you are underemployed and you attend a public university, you could get a tution waiver. thus t he next semester i got a tutiont waiver. the  only thing was that i had to wait untl the first day of classes to register because rutgers  doesnt want people  like  me who get free tuition to register before hand.  meanwhile  any body who gets free tution as  a result of their parent working for rutgers can regster whenever they want, and find out the classes in advance.  can  we say unfair.  so because  of this i am also not allowd to use special permission numbers,  wich means a lot of the courses that i need to take  are not going to be  available for me... sucks...

ok so that semester besides the run aroudn for tuition waiver, not much a problem and t hen the same thing my fourth semester at rugers. except this time during my fourht,  a man callsme  and asks  me what are my majors because i had filed three forms. and  i said yes, all three of those are my majors.  at this  he asks  me "are you  even allowd to do that?" hello, i dont work there you do! he said he would call me back, but never did

over the summer i get hit in the  hand  by a baseball going 100 mph. it breaks. the hand, not the ball. the bonebroke  so badly it was being held on by less than a milimeter) i go to rutgers doctors services as a full time student. they neverpay t he bill... now i have additional medical costs i have to some hw pay (again any money send my way)

so anyways, i go to school then again in the fall and have lucifer incarnate for a teacher, he wouldnt even let people go to the beathroom and if you did he would  follow you, yell at you about how you should be able to control your baldder, and t hen look you out of the classroom. evil evil  man . i also have a teacher that on the last day of school, i mean like the absolute last day assigns a 16 page paper that will be due sometime in the spring.  hello. fall should end in fall...

anyhow, so since i had taken so many course my college story should end here, since now i have the reqs to graduate. right. 2.5 years. awesome. but it doesnt.

i took a winter course which was intro to geography.  the entire winter semester online transcripts were down. whne i finally had access to them,  iwas enrolled in a course that was intermediate algebra. if they had not lost my placement tests they would have known that i should be in calc 2. but alas. so this course wasnt even offered in the winter right. turns out it was, but on  a differnt campus. on camden.  so i have an ZF a special kind of F for people who never showed up to class, on my transcript for this class i never took. i got a bill in the mail for $1200 and they placed a hold on all my accounts and records because i didnt pay this bill. so i cant even use the library which means i cant get my books. i hate this. so right i go to take of  this. first my teacher says he would do it. he doesnt. then a dean says she will do it. she doesnt. so then i go to the winter office and i walk in there and  it is completely empty. i mean there are dark spots on the carpet where the furniture used to be, t was liek something from a movie.  so then i got to hte dean of the unviersity and she tells me that she has  no idea how i was even enrolled in the course because new brunswick does not have access to camden and therefore i need to go to camden to fix it. more people tell me i need to go to cacmden. i am not fucking going  to camden. so now i dont have credit for thecoursei  did take and got an A in, but instead have an F in a shit course in ever had.  sigh.

and they tell me there is nothing they can do for me and  i have to take care of it myself. they are the ones who fcked up... bullshit

well this concludes my RU Screw (i hope) but it seems that it just keeps going and going ... oh yeah update. i do have three majors: sociology, jewish studies with historical concentraion, english, and creative writing certificate... all in three years!!

and the worst thing of all:

the only day that the cops shut down a dodgebal lgame was on my birthday !!!!!!

5:37 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

dick nose... and a briefing on the FMA

because i said i would i have the verbal contract obligation to post somewhere in a diary that today for the first time ever in my life i have been called a "dick nose"...

no wonder its orgasmic to blow...

on that note:

it is necessary that i express my utter distrust to a certain handful of politicians within this American system, who in extreme measures utilize their positions to misrepresent the viewpoints of the citizens their actions directly and drastically affect. despite the fact that nearly half a million people have signed numerous petitions to oppose the FMA which shall be voted on shortly, thirty three representatives (so-called elected officials-but after the 2000 presidential race it is hard to have faith in the electoral process and its electoral college) openly admit that they will proceed with adding their signatures to the Federal Marriage Amendment banning the opportunity for homosexuals to marry.

this is an amendment i hold great opposition towards, not only because it is discriminatory and breeds contempt to individuals, but also because of my personal stance on marriage in general. i am an American citizen and i do use my voting privilages. rightfully so, i believe that the Constitution is partially mine, and i carry a minituare version of that precious document on me. i have visited it numerous times, most recently July 1, 2004, which wasn't even two weeks ago. there is an overwhelming sense of pride which stimulates my veins each time i recognize the rights that i have been granted through the wisdom of our forefathers. yet at the same time i feel myself collapse when i think about all the liberty which has been usurped from me throughout the Bush administration's regime especially with the passing of the Patriot Act. when i visit the Constitution i get queasy thinking about the limitations which have been imposed open me and my fellow citizens through such actions and now the possibility of the FMA being scripted onto this document is blasphemous. the FMA should not be seen as a possibility, but rather graffiti, and if passed those who sign the bill should be arrested for defacing the foundation of our country.

my fellow citizens deserve to be free, deserve to maintain the civil liberties that our forefathers cherished, they deserve not to be mistreated, not to be persecuted simply because of their sexual orientation. one of the main objectives of separation of church and state was to avoid persecution of the individual because of their personal and spiritual beliefs. our forefathers also took necessary precautions to grant the state with greater political weight incase the government of the nation became too strong and oppressive. yet now at a time when the states are chosing to utilize their rights as sovereign nations the national body is counterstriking with amendments to the Constitution. if this FMA passes i fear not just for love, but for my liberty, my voice, my life.

4:46 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

they've given you a number

and it was then i asked, "how old was she?"

as though life could be measured by a number, as there exists an excerpt of expression within the curvature of age.

to me it appeared that the longevity preceded the ills, recalling who she may have once been, as a child nonchalantly evolving her fingernails into canvases by the actions of imposing polish upon the surface, and i reminisced about how the world of the war had been replaced by years gone by, yet still could be depicted as one glanced at her hands, bruised and brittle by the decades after. Conjuring up atrocious imagery of internment and concentration camps, fields of wild corpses, growing and amassing, her hands of nostalgia only now rested, folded across her abdomen.

is that what is meant by "the hands of time?"

with eyes closed tightly, wrinkles form at their creases similarly to the way rayon dresses get when sat on for an extended period. i take my own hand, and caress softly the bone of my right cheek, skin on skin barely touching but even the slight meeting composes a structure of a silk sensation, satiating slight pain as the hand gently wipes away a salty tear.

there is knowledge i have not acquired, there is knowledge that has been bequeathed to me, and there is the knowledge that i have lost, but today i suffer with the knowledge of memories i create. the lids of my eyes become movie projectors, as my mind fights to stumble through the serendipitous scenes that have generated forth.

a svelte finger with a red extension taps gently upon the marble counter to the repetitive beat of juke box noises. the fire-engine rouge polish has been posthumously painted; furnished after the death of the child she had once been, the manicure applied obviously at the hand of a professional that took painstakingly hard measures to obtain perfection. my mind reels forth the memories of a past i had been unacquainted to, and i watch as the hand ceases the harmony of the music, surrendering the sound so that it may embrace the lit cigarette which had burnt into a stump of ash in its tray. slowly the cherry ring disappears between the puckered and pressed lips, and she inhales the intoxication while exhaling the fumes of frustration.

huff and puff, puff and huff
your house will be blown down
with the destruction of your world

the world had caused abandonment, and the abandonment of the world by the world had engendered many issues not so easily addressed. the form of these fingers which have been so meticulously maintained have not always held the same shape as today. rather, they were once jaundiced bones which held the corpses of friends who had withered away while still alive, embracing bodies as their owner wished for life to come back. the aspirations she encased within her heart could not be as easily kept within the grasp of her fingers while they stroked the through the hair of the departed.

now as i see these hands swollen with water retention, i instead behold the sights of all the memories they retained. my surroundings become amass with the hearts of those these hands have touched, directly or indirectly, they are all here for the viewing of the hands of a survivor, for the celebration of life.

which cannot be defined
characterized
or categorized
with the simple element of an inscription
a number inked upon the skin of time

6:06 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment