9:27 PM - The Great Unwanted Return of Poetry Posts
Current mood: sore
Category: Writing and Poetry

I've been typing up loose handwritten shit off and on when I have a few spare minutes over the last few months and decided to finally put the crap up while the puttin's somewhat alright.  Nothing's organized or dated, there's shit from every period mixed in together since I store stuff alphabetically.  Who knows, there might even be something written within the past year thrown in.

An Abortion To Be

Sweet release,
Jettison complete,
Unrivaled ecstasy,
As I secrete,
Pure essence,
A child to be,
Deep in the womb,
As my lover motheringly,
Accepts my gift,
A bond serene.

Edging towards,
A dreamlike sleep,
Filled with tomorrows,
Far afield and forthcoming.

When I awake,
Will I elate,
What shall I say,
Of this new today,
How will I explain,
My feelings of shame,
For sharing my seed,
With a face without a name.

Burn And Burn

Burn and burning till,
All is ash,
And all is still.

A smile explodes,
Upon my lips,
Seldom gracing my face,
At first a grimace.

Then it recalls,
And I elate,
The first smile in decades,
And it is non too late.

I rejoice at the carnage,
My only hope fulfilled,
Watching the world burn,
Along with all that I did.

A world not worthy,
Even of it's horrid self,
Lit up in an instant,
And scorched from within.

All the life lost,
All the recordings and history erased,
With no one left to pick through the charred remains,
A world can finally rest in piece.

Hiding The Hidden Hindrance

Linked to ghastly goes,
Behind broken boughs,
Because nobody knows,
Having soul and nothing,
Breaks vows and corroded chose,
To be alive,
Far stretched from those,
Flown into the orchard,
Brought in with the cold.

The Murky Reflection Harms My Mind

It's harder to tell,
How it is,
Than it is to show,
How to tear apart,
The fruit of creation,
The theory of art,
The religion of pain,
The burden of time,
The loss of life,
And the gains of strife.

All that exists,
Is all that is,
And not being on the list,
That all those others have compiled,
Is a crime,
A seemingly criminal act perpetrated in the most ruthless of manners,
For reasons which could only possibly be,
Heinous, devious, cruel, abysmal, and malevolent.

Within the corrupt,
You cannot cheat,
Among the callous masses,
No good deed goes unnoticed.

When every direction,
Holds only wrong,
And to do a right,
Is reason enough,
To capture and bar away,
What choice can be made,
But to lie stagnant,
Without hope or thought or sight.

Yammering The Years Away

Poke the furry with claws that entice,
A deranged mind in spite of all advice,
Given to fits of rage and delight.
Dark days never felt so nice,
But when felt through such a life,
Filled with skewed perception seen through a rainy night,
In the distance,
Unknowable by sight,
It could be close enough to touch.

If only we dare,
Reach out into that darkness,
Extend a hand to the fright,
We could come into contact with the heart of it,
Or perhaps we might,
Find something else entirely,
Some thing composed of a brighter light,
Than the one we know.

Some will try,
Some will fail,
Fewer will try again,
Even less will prevail.

The deed is the choice,
The journey the cause,
The end the destination,
Yet through it all,
A shadow will always make one pause,
As it was so it is,
In this as in all,
A learned trait is hard to forget,
When lived with for so long.

With Different Moods Come Different Tastes

There are more important things,
Like,
Long term investments.
Memory,
That faintest of scents.
The first after a long line of folly,
Moments that alleviate.

Simply to elevate,
Is not always the truest course,
Though at times,
It can be a good start.
No project is finished,
Without the desire to see things through.

Excess should be burned.
Always burned.
Melting away all that is not needed,
Dumping out the refined,
Sifting it into pureness.
The core of the outcome,
Is contained in the lessening,
Everything obliterated,
That can be,
Is shown to be unneeded,
What is left,
Is all that is required,
What is left,
Is all you really need.

Vision's Faded Cause

Ups and downs,
Smiles and frowns,
Time torn apart.

Bastard moments,
Fits of performance,
A king without a crown.

In these wicked hurtful days,
We find more severe ways,
In which to punish ourselves.

With a choking sound,
I find less around,
That speaks to me in earnest.

Vanishing are those,
That affect without prose,
And carry on the cause.

Silenced are the voices,
That discovered the choices,
Power never wished to divulge.

Weakly with withered thoughts,
I try to hold onto all that was taught,
In an effort to protect the right.

Sadly indeed,
Is the lack of a need,
For persons performing honorable jobs.

Currently listening : Frankenstein Girls Will Seem Strangely Sexy By Mindless Self Indulgence Release date: 2000-02-22

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2:23 PM - Chewy is gone.
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Pets and Animals

As of 8:54 AM this morning it is confirmed that Chewy is no longer inside the house.  The front window's screen was found dislodged shortly after.  It is highly unlikely she will be seen again.

Currently listening : The End of All Things to Come By Mudvayne Release date: 2002-11-19

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5:05 PM - Fuck the subject, your either curious enough to read or your not.
Current mood: bitchy
Category: Life

Indecipherable Phrase of the Week:  "What if he's outside right now, eating a Chalupa?!"
(sidenote:  This quote is in reference to Michael Jackson.  Scary, I know.)

Fortune of the Day:  ".............................shit."
(sidenote: I'm out of cookies, this will be the last 'Fortune of the Day'.)

So not alot of important shit going on.  Not a whole lot of things needing to get done getting done either.

I did however get a decent start on the campsite this last week so hopefully if the next couple weeks aren't as wet as they're saying they'll be than the place should be all fixed up, usable, and ready to be photolized for you peoples enjoyment.

I am still intending at some point to get some more writing up since I still have stacks of handwritten crap that needs to be typed up at some point anyway.  I will try to be kind and only put up the better stuff if I can, and if there actually is any.  Also still in the works is getting some damn artwork on here, but as I destroyed every piece before moving out of the saw shop, it's on hold until I feel the urge to create some more.  Ya'll will be the firsts to know about it when it happens though, I'm sure.

Around the home...there's still a shitload to do.  But I have atleast made a start.  Got the bench-swing set up out front and finally decided to give the old grill a death sentence.  So I'm pretty much fucked as far as barbequeing is concerned this year, there's just no way in hell I have room in my summer budget for a store bought grill.  I did manage to strip down the old mostly broken christmas lights from the front of the house and get up some nifty glowing green balls in their place.  Theres still a good amount of inside cleaning left to be done and a pretty damn long list of yardwork that can be done, though I'm in no hurry for the latter.  Between having to do yardwork for a cripple with about 5 football fields worth of lawn and getting my campsite and the road down to it cleaned up, I'm full up on landscaping and have no urge to get the one out front done any faster than is necessary.

As for everything else, I'm a little too run down to think of any of it right now.  Though I did end up gettign some shopping in this weekend, and at the moment my small fishing vacation is starting to shape up finally.  As soon as I get all the odds and ends covered, which will likely all crop up on the day I actually go, and secure the transportation, all I'll have left to do is stock up on supplies to bring onto the pond with me.  So hopefully, if a bunch of bullshit doesn't pop up, the mission will be a go around Memorial Weekend, give or take a weekend.  I have no social life, but I guess that doesn't mean something might still come up.  Afterall I am a sucker for a good shindig.  And all the more so now that I can't do any barbequeing of my own.

Later ya'll, keep it real, even when keeping it real goes bad.

Currently listening : Tales From Dirt Town By Bobaflex Release date: 2007-10-30

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3:27 PM - Just a short up to date type blog.
Current mood: groggy
Category: Life

Indecipherable Phrase of the Week: "You lied about frosting."

Fortune of the Day: "Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves."

So I finally made adjustments to the profile, though it being my own I never see the actual page so I'm not sure how it truly turned out beyond my one-time going over of it.  Anyone whose actually seen it feel free to critique at your own leisure.

Shits been a little busy what with work and personal time and sleep, so I haven't dived into doing crap on here as much as I'd previously alluded at intending to do.  But as shocking as it may be the internet just isn't that large a part of my life anymore.

As for anything new, not a whole lot.  Still getting in debt and working it off all in tandem.  Been trying to get in some local fishing here and there.  Most are still small but they're biting and the water is slowly warming and lowering.  I actually even made it out this morning after getting a call from my friend next door.  We took a trip up to the falls on Severy Hill and then went up a small stream in town.  We managed to find a couple good holes for later in the year and even flushed out some small trout.  The rain cut everything short though as it seemed to get heavier as time went on, and of course, as soon as we got back in the driveway it all but stopped.

For the coming week I expect it'll be mostly work to try and pay off my running tab and support my drinking.  But if it's dry and clear for a couple solid days I will hopefully be able to clear my campsite down back and maybe take some pictures to throw up on here.

As for everything else, I've got nothin'.  Can't think of a thing at the moment.  My mind is currently occupied between the smell of diner simmering on the stove and the pain killers I had to chew up to keep my back from bothering me all day, so if I missed something or inquiring minds need to know anything, comment away and I'll get back to it.

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12:34 AM - Pirates say "Arr!"
Current mood: optimistic
Category: MySpace

Indecipherable Phrase of the Week: "The British will fucking get you!.......with ROBOTS!"

Fortune of the Day: "The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do."

About the title subject thingy.....don't ask.

So.  You may or may not notice, have noticed, whatever tense your looking for, updation to the profilation.  Profilactic...  Shit.  Stay on track.

Changes!  Sudden cooperation from the site has allowed for new photos, possibly a song for once, a refurbished profile, organization, possibly some old/new writing at some point, a little art hopefully, if batteries allow a bit of scenic photography....

All in all, in order to wean myself off from other things, I've decided to put some effort into some extrovertish oriented endeavors, mainly this stupid and pointless site for now.

So don't be surprised if a lot of crap starts coming from my direction in the nearby future.  And for the real life peoples I know, hopefully I can start being a lot more social in the real world too starting off soon.  If it all works out, I may not hibernate this summer away like the many ones I have in the past.

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12:40 PM - Damn I’m Stoned..
Current mood: high
Category: Life

So anyway.  I got bored enough to get online and decided to put something on here in the first time in who knows the fuck how long.

Truthfully though, the only thing I have to say is I have absolutely nothing to say in such a public forum.

Not to say I don’t have things to say to or even just want to talk with certain individuals, that’s all just me wading through day after day and being too tired or inconvenienced to do so.  So no one feel offended or neglected by my declaration of having nothing to say here.  Just anything I do have to say, doesn’t need to be shared with every dick with an internet connection, ya know?

Currently reading : Crayon Shinchan: Volume 1 By Yoshito Usui Release date: 27 February, 2008

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6:11 PM - Productive and Reliable?
Current mood: high
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers

Amazing, isn't it?  Yes, me of all people, has started working again.  Even if it is all under the table and therefore technically illegal.  Anyone who knows me knows illegal is my bread and butter.  That's also the major reason for me never being online, or atleast on myspace, anymore.  There are only so many hours in the day and most of the ones I have to myself are spent trying to relax or sleep.

So I've been doing odd jobs back at Jackson Hole on a regular basis for a couple months now.  I basically help out the main guy with big stuff and do little things that my boss needs done that he doesn't have the patience to do himself.  Though alot of my time is has been spent with firewood since I started.  Originally I was just hired to split and stack wood this summer, but I was so "productive and reliable" that I stayed on to help with everyday shit.  But since this winter has been so fucking snow ridden and cold, I spend a good portion of each day chopping up kindling, keeping two wood stoves roaring, and bringing in wood to burn.

So incase anyone's been wondering where the fuck I've been, there it is in a nutshell.  For some retarded reason I've become a useful human being.  Though as of this coming week, I do have to say, being useful has it's perks.  It's a nice feeling when your given responsibility and trust and you don't fuck it up.  But it's even nicer when you get paid good money to do it.

Currently watching : Knocked Up (Unrated Widescreen Edition) Release date: 25 September, 2007

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4:56 AM - that fainting, post-delusional wake of popping concentration
Current mood: chipper
Category: Life

It's been awhile since I wrote shit.  I mean anything.  Besides my one a weekday e-mails I ain't put jack down.  So here's my attempt to break the lull.

Been an interesting week.  Been twisted right off sideways by ome very potent cupcakes and brownies.  If I knew people who had money for the stuff I'd be sitting pretty.  But I've managed to amass and stock up so I myself will be sitting pretty for awhile non-the-less.

Sleeping.  Not doing much of that.  Nope.

I have been taking an oppurtunity to catch up on some high quality game time with Charlie's PS2 though since he practically forced it on me.  That's about the only other thing I've been doing lately, visiting Charlie and Patrick.  The kid is pretty damn smart for barely being 3.  It's all good anyways to get out and see decent folk again.  I can pretty much gaurentee I'll have my social circle under far tighter control this time around.

Well, being early as all hell, I'm gonna go scramble me an egg and put some toast on.  Hope anyone who reads this doesn't think I'm a totally slack fuck for not being more regular in posting anything.

I blame it all on the drugs...

Currently playing : Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas Release date: 26 October, 2004

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5:17 PM - Yet another...
Current mood: Stuffy.
Category: Stuffy. Writing and Poetry

This weather is messing me up hardcore.  First it poured out of nowhere yesterday, to which I was led to believe would be the case for most of the week.  Now this damned sun and heat!  I know I shouldn't complain, but it's something I can do well.  Who knows, if I can manage to get up at a reasonable hour and the nice weather continues, perhaps I can get some use out of tomorrow unlike today.  Now that I think of it, this is all actually good.  If it stays clear I can barbeque for supper.  Hurrah for random thoughts!  And now a poem.

Jerking the Quivering Finger at the Trigger's Edge

Ghastly is the taste on my tongue,
Greed the itch inside my skull,
Horror expressed through my lips,
Seldom touched upon, scream my eyes.

Feeling isn't what it once was,
Never expected and never chose,
So long ago explained,
Yet so far from truth,
What I was told.

Lies from the unknowing,
Teaching nothing of worth,
The ignorant shepherd,
Leading a flock astray,
Into the jaws of the hunter,
Into it's foul dripping maw.

Unforgivable is too commonplace,
Far too widespread,
To ever be redeemable,
For any to truly understand,
The scope of the wrong,
The deepness of the hurt,
This world seems like an open wound,
Festering only with the inevitable,
Of a sudden death without the benefit of repentance.

Currently watching : Macross Plus - The Collection (Two-Disc Set) Release date: 14 June, 2005

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5:38 PM - A little jabber and a new poem.
Current mood: Surreal
Category: Surreal Life

I haven't bothered to post any blogs within the last few weeks, nor have I even been "online" that much either.  Spending time in the tangible world is, I find, a necessity every now and then even for one such as myself.

It's odd.  At the winding down of winter I was so anxious and full of pent up energy I thought I would go mad in having to wait for the freedom and oppurtunity that summer affords.  I had many plans and what I thought was a solid enough determination to get out and do things in order to improve myself and situation.  But looking, it's now over a week into July and I've actually done quite little and have still, as a friend recently put it, been "hibernating".  Over the last week though, I have found myself putting in a little effort.  If it continues I'll be suprised yet thankful.

In all honesty I do have to say that things would go more smoothly if I could get my damn sleeping habits down to a normal routine that fits with the rest of the world.  Which brings me to my late rising productivity of this afternoon.  I awoke in my usual fashion, though I decline to say exactly what that may entail, and after some wake-up time decided to put something onto the page after it briefly flashed across my mind.  And this is what came of it:

The Night

I'm haunted by memories of events never transpired,
Reliving them across darkened wastelands and wondrous panorama.
The more I run the less ground I am able to gain,
The harder I concentrate my effort of will,
Makes for less indeed that I do control to any extent.

Messages,
Thoughts,
Desires,
Fears,
Hopes,
Dreams,
Wishes.

All can be perceived within.

Whether the reality of it,
Be premonition or cruel joke,
I still escape to,
Am captured away by,
The night.

Currently reading : Lisey's Story By Stephen King Release date: 24 October, 2006

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