It’s drinkin Time, and dancing, and socializing, and celebrating too!
Current mood: bouncy

This is the plan so far, and this is NOT going to change.  Things may merely be added for additional enjoyment.  We start meeting up at Spin at 9 and we'll be there till 2, after that we may head over to Neo because it's sunday!  Talks are in the works about dinner possibly before hand.  Keep in mind, this is one of the few few nights of the year that I actually Drink to any sense of excess, so coming out early means that I can promise that I'll remember you were there and will probably have time to actually TALK to you!  Feel free to bring anyone who would enjoy themselves.  It is a bar, so 21 and up applies.  Sorry!  Let me or Pony or Rick know if you need any other info.  =)  I is sooooo excited.

12:06 AM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

2007 Is Over
Current mood: sick

I've been trying to think about 2007 and all that happened.  Seemed as though it was a strange year.

January - New Years Eve was disasterous, but not as bad as new years 06-07.  My Birthday was explosive with the drama, but aside from alcohol induced stupidity the drama was well handled.  It was almost as if all parties accepted the drama from the past as part of our lives and we were actually laughing about it.  Good times in between temper tantrums and people punching walls.

February - was the official end to the relationship that hindsight shows should have never begun.  Not to say that I don't like him or care for him.  I hope that things are actually going well in his neck of the woods.  Kid has a lot of spirit, and a good heart.  He's just on the wrong path. 

March - Dating again, and the Noir Dolls.  March was a good month as I remember it, even if I wasn't getting much in the way of sleep.  Months like that remind me that going out and being social actually DOES make me a happy bunny.

April - Promotion at work!  Yay no more uniform.  Got to be all official like and much more independent.  William's birthday party was a laid back evening of fun, thanks to Mark and Matt for the loan of their place.  Drama that had absolutely nothing to do with me made me re-evaluate some friendships with good results.  I believe April was the month of the three week bout of not being able to breath thanks to good ol influenza.  Missed my cruise because I couldn't get on an airplane.  Mean mean god.

May - Started reconnecting with old friends.  Went on my wonderful weekend vacation to Las Vegas.  Hated my first day there.  Tourist trap, gaudy, juvenile.  Spent the second full day on the opposite side of the strip which was much more my style.  Great food, great company, some fun shopping.  Didn't make it to any dance clubs, but that's all right considering how good the cocktails were in the Luxor.

June - Started seeing Rick.  First month for Bound.  Pay raise at work and the start of a rocky road with my bestest friend ever.

July - Picnic for the 3rd on the lakefront was beautiful but I wasn't really all there.  Not that I'm saying that I was any more insane than usual, just that my sense of distance was starting to set in.  Not a mean case of the reds, just a little one.  As I think about it now, that case of the reds seems to have hung on an awfully long time.  Romantically, things solidified for me.   

August - Scary.  Work blows up and I can only make it to war for 3 days, and that by plane.  Get back from war and back to work, meanwhile starting the round after round of testing on my mother.  Tried to drive to a friend's wedding in Ohio but it took me 6 hours to get to the Indiana border, only to be turned back because the friggin INTERSTATE was closed due to flooding.  Returned home tired and disgruntled that night to find that my kitchen was also underwater from a fridge that turned it'self off.  August 31st Mom was diagnosed with Breast Cancer.

September - Beginning of my leave from work to help Mom.  Her total Mastectomy was on the 24th.  Missed Camp Blood because of the obvious, but heard from all others that it was a fabulous time.  Here is to hoping that I can actually make it next year.

October - Mom's first chemo and I'm still not working technically, though I exhausted myself with everthing that had to be done.  Got out and about a bit for Halloween though.  One night as Cleopatra and one night as a Gypsy.  Those were good times.  Props to Dan and Mel for wonderful wonderful costumes.

November - Thanksgiving was a fiasco.  Small Chicago flats are not meant to house and feed a family of 30!  William and I totally back on track!  Yay times 2!

December - My cousin Ally got married to one who appears to be a true gentleman.  Good for her.  Started work again and I'm still regretting every second of it.  Christmas was a bit more stressful than normal due to my mother's health, but I had good companionship to help me through it.  New years eve this year was a very quiet affair, but for the first time in a lot of years it wasn't a huge mess.  This one only left me with a slight sense of foreboding.  We'll see where the coming year takes me. 

You know, the past year seemed a whole lot more eventful before I wrote it all down.  Maybe I missed some stuff.

10:15 PM - 6 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

*Disclaimer - Depressing* Pink Ribbons in Autumn
Current mood: determined

     Now is as good of a time as any, I suppose, to discuss what has been going on in my life recently in some little more detail than I have so far.  I know that I have dropped off the the radar significantly lately and where there is always reason when this happens, it is almost always because of my own mental stability and ability to deal with large crowds.  This is slightly different.  It's not that I have a lack of desire to see my friends.  In fact, I feel that now I need them more than ever.  Instead, this is a matter of the amount of time and energy available.

     On August 31st my mother was diagnosed with Breast Cancer.  As of right now, we don't know what stage she is.  What we do know is that there were a couple malignant masses and that the breast these masses were in has clusters of abnormal cells throughout.  Actually, had would be the more accurate word.  She had a total mastectomy on this monday past, along with having all of the lymph nodes removed from her right arm.  The pathology report from the mass removed in surgery has come back showing that the cancer had spread to two of the ten lymph nodes removed. 

     In three to six weeks she will be beginning Chemo.  This is the news that we received today, so it's far too early to say exactly what that entails in her particular situation.  I'll know more in a couple of weeks once we meet with the oncologist.  I don't know what other adjuvant therapies she will have prescribed.  This is a day by day, step by step process. 

     I have taken leave from work to help my mother through this difficult time and she is, by far, the priority in my life right now.  I hope that all of you can understand that.  I look forward to being able to steal moments with my friends whenever possible.  Sadly, at this point if any of you wish to see me or spend time with me... I'll do my best to meet halfway in the effort but realistically it's going to require more effort on your part.  I can't stray very far from home lately, but we are more than comfortable having visitors here from time to time.  Just let me know if you wish to come visit.

     Much love to you all.  Don't fret about me too much.  Where this is difficult, we are not powerless.  There is a treatment process that has proven to be very effective if we are willing to work at it.  I do appreciate any kind thoughts or prayers that you send her way.  Take care until we all meet again on our individual roads.

Oh yeah.  October is Breast Cancer Awareness month.  go to www.nbcam.org

Currently watching : Aeon Flux [HD DVD] Release date: 08 August, 2006

3:17 PM - 4 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

More to come later, but this is good for a short version

This is from the comic strip, Otaku-no-Yen, that is written by my brother and illustrated by his wife.  In short, this is what is going on in my life right now.  I'm certain I'll want to talk more about it later.

Otaku-no-Yen 190 

9:43 AM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Tonight, it's Bound to be fun

Come on out to Spot 6 tonight if you're free.  $8 cover and two floors of music.  New Wave and Punk upstairs and Industrial with Fetish-play downstairs.

5:32 PM - 1 Comments - 1 Kudos - Add Comment

Even for all the brokey people.

I'm walking for the March of Dimes raising money for babies.  Please visit my site and get involved if you are able.  These programs do a lot more than anybody realises, and they manage it through the nickels and dimes they get for these fundraisers.

http://www.walkamerica.org/personal_page.asp?w=854709

If That isn't your charity of choice or you are feeling a particularly humanitarian urge, take a look at this site as well.

http://main.y-me.org/site/TR?px=1908312&pg=personal&fr_id=1180

Thank you all for everything, if it's a dollar, $5, $15, or whatever... If you can't give but want to help, please help spread the word.

~Margaret~

7:35 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

On the list of things to do, I forgot to mention...

10:48 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

What to do!

12:18 AM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Grok
Current mood: calm

"I don't think you can analyze love. It's the greatest mystery of all. No one knows why it happens, or doesn't. Love is a chance combination of elements. Any one thing might be enough to keep it from igniting - a mood, a glance, a remark."

So I made it home from training early enough to do what has become one of the most pleasant activities I've had lately.  While I'm fussing about the house or doing those few girly things that I like to do – like my nails – I've been catching up on all of the Voyager that I missed or don't remember from when they first aired.  That is where that quote came from.  It's a quote from Neelix and the last words in the episode.  Not surprising that it makes me think about my life currently, Science Fiction always appears more social commentary to me than anything else.

            I know that there are many people out there whose feelings towards me right now are somewhat significantly less than pleasant and that the motivation behind it is my outlook on life and love.  I'll not deny that I am, probably, the most difficult individual in the world to deal with in a relationship.  Whenever anyone asks me why I'm single, and why I have been single for the much greater part of the last four years I always give the same answer.  I'm difficult.  Not high maintenance, but difficult.  There is a difference but it's not one that is easily explained. 

            My difficult nature comes from a myriad of things.  A hefty portion comes from my difficulties keeping my serotonin levels any semblance of even.  Some of it comes from the fact that logical portion of my brain overrides and confuses everything else.  I have posted here, in the past, my internal debate on what love is and how to determine when it is real… If you can even determine when it is real.  The third largest portion of my difficult nature is my being gun-shy because of my past.  Not what people have done to me, but how I have reacted to things that have been done. 

"People who avoid commitment are people who know what a big thing it is."  I do not feel that any of my past lovers or loves have mistreated me.  On the contrary, I think that I've been extremely blessed with how I have been treated.  I have had not one physically or intentionally emotionally abusive relationship.  I have been loved, deeply and truly, to the best of their ability to love.  The problem always had originated with me. Not, I think, in things that I have done but in the things that I am.  My nature, my morals, my goals, my independence… all of these things are integral parts of me and often very difficult (there is that word again) to deal with.  I do find it somewhat ironic that the things that are so difficult to deal with are always the things that draw people to me so strongly in the first place.

            I suppose it is too late to make this short, but the wrap-up may be.  I have, in the past year and then some, been hurt, heartbroken, numbed, confused, terrified, enthralled, excited, vengeful, and angry to my core when it comes to matters of the heart but when all is said and done, I am who and what I am.  I have tried to change myself in the past in some naive belief that I would be able to have what I wanted if I could just pretend to be a little bit more normal.  To say that it was a failed attempt would be a gross understatement… I must be true to myself and my own heart and mind.  I must be who I am.  I may mourn the fact that it can inspire such intensity across the entire spectrum of emotion, but I won't change it.  What will be said will be said, as with felt.  I try to avoid causing pain and I try to bring some good even in the worst.  I do not ask for forgiveness, I just think that it would be nice to eventually be understood.

Currently listening : Falling into Place By Finch Release date: 09 October, 2001

3:46 PM - 7 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

Me? Writer's Block?
Current mood: exhausted

     I am one of those individuals that you could easily call "addicted" to the written word.  I usually find myself reading and writing constantly.  Usually I cannot go more than two or three days before I simply MUST take some time to write about everything that has happened in the time since I last wrote.  I often-times find it difficult to analyze any situation without writing.  It's a discussion with myself.  It's my chance to play my own devil's advocate.  All of this is probably why I find it so strange that every time I have placed myself before this "Blog Entry" in the past couple of days, I haven't managed to type out more than a few words.  What's worse is that words don't even make sentences.  Gibberish is fun... or something.  I'm sure that my block has more to do with stress and exhaustion than anything else, but I always find it disconcerting when this happens. 

     I'm spending a lot of time "Doing."  There is so much to do.  I have sketches to finalize and patterns to draft and mock-ups to sew.  Then there is my insanity of adding yet another project to my schedule going much with the dancey dance.  Work is still hectic but there is at least a teeny tiny bit of relief on the horizon.  On top of all of that (as if it wasn't enough) I'm trying to focus on my Household (SCA) projects.  Brain no worky.  Too much stuff.

     My private life is still just that... private.  Those thoughts remain almost entirely my own and shall remain that way until I manage to get more of a handle on everything.  Sleeping is rough at the moment, but it's a normal side effect of stress with me.  I jerk myself awake with waking dreams just as I'm about to fall into a true sleep.  Last night... Well, let me just say that I'm not exactly sure if the extremely distressing noises I was waking to throughout the night were really occurring.  For now, I shall lean back and veg out in front of some of my favorite shows on Television.  NCIS, House, and Boston Legal.  Yay Tuesday night!

4:51 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment