body gone Numb with Pain...
Current mood: crushed

Its that dark solitude when you know it's the end
Left an outline to trace, but you can't find the pen
Intensity runs through your bones and your breath
In a steady attempt to accept what you left behind...

~Ilanamous~

5:47 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

In Your Arms (Song Lyrics)
Current mood: creative

Still I lay in arms despite a past that's turned me off
Still I bear these arms to fight a battle I have lost
and even if tomorrow I awake and You're not there
I won't wonder if a comfort can exist that will compare

In your arms, You tear me apart
In your arms, I surrender my heart
In your arms, I want it to stay
In your arms, you can't push me away

All the songs we wrote the lines we spoke ring in my mind
It blows to know that in your soul you have forgotten all our rhymes
I'll be an echo in your footsteps shouting out the words
And when you can remember them, baby, you'll know how much it hurts

In your arms, You tear me apart
In your arms, I surrender my heart
In your arms, I want it to stay
In your arms, you can't push me away

And even if you're through with me I may not ever learn to see
That there is any other place that I would want to be
You may not ever make me glad, but you never made me sad
There's only one spot in this life that doesn't hurt as bad

In your arms, You tear me apart
In your arms, I surrender my heart
In your arms, I want it to stay
In your arms, you can't push me away

~Ilanamous~

6:43 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Lonely Star
Current mood: weird

Its when I'm uninspired and I forget to write,

Its when the drawn out days of summer suddenly seem trite

Its when each corner closes in far faster than before

When all I want to do is throw my body to the floor

And though it seems the signs are clear they very rarely are

Depression is a twisted plot, and I, its lonely star.

Its when I start to fear this moment more than I fear you

When raindrops that once stung my skin become the morning dew

When the pages in my journal unwind themselves before me

Its when I notice shades of grey instead of colors forming

And though it seems the signs are clear they very rarely are

Depression is a twisted plot, and I, its lonely star.

Its when my friends and family observe me with concern

Its when I think they're crazy, don't they'll never learn

Its when my energy becomes closed off to another

Its when I've blurred the lines between my enemy and brother

Its when I feel accustomed to perpetuating gloom,

When I believe that death itself can never come too soo

And though it seems the signs are clear they very rarely are

Depression is a twisted plot, and I, its lonely star.

~Ilanamous~

1:19 AM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Depths of War
Current mood: creative

A stoic scene meets animosity as bayonette's do gather,

Flaring high in unity no matter what each rather.

In the depths lie ego tests; the most human point of pressure,

Mindful of the blind intent, forgetting what it measures.

Through frozen fields dead soldiers yield their minds and march escorted

While brazen links of irony bind symmetry contorted.

 "Trust in what's beknownced to us", a devoted voice projects

As messy scenes of bloody dreams lie hidden in the depths,

The green pours in as the red pours out, all justified by power,

While regrets unmask themselves in each man's final hour

In depths of stagnant taverns souls as good as any lay

Piled aside, for one man's pride; forgotten, they decay.

What lies in the depths of each soldier that he will submit

To harnessing the carnage? He lets himself be fueled by it,

Maybe it lies in his heart, but I think it's in his head,

For what corruption causes good men to leave each other dead?

~Ilanamous~

4:42 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

If You Find My Mind (Song Lyrics)
Current mood: nostalgic

Another day berated by a brother

Another heart is broken by a lover

Dive into a vacant pool to heal

Creating worlds far different from what's real

If you find my mind

Please be sure to treat it kind

Don't abandon it like I did

Forced into another war, I pray

But the good battles the bad then fades away

I move from place to place escaping pain

Wish I wasn't here but I remain

If you find my mind

Please be sure to treat it kind

Don't abandon it like I did

It all collects like raindrops in the gutter

A plane that's flying high losing its rudder

Picking dying leaves from off my cherry tree

While every other weed tumbles toward me

If you find my mind

Please be sure to treat it kind

Don't abandon it like I did

A fractured personality can't keep

parading in to maladies too deep

~Ilanamous~

10:49 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Expectations of Relations
Current mood: contemplative

Why do people seek out those with whom they share common traits? Initially, I see how familiarity can breed attraction, but it also breeds expectations and assumption. When we discover a quality in someone that perks up our ears, we create a story of which we are often unconscious. For instance, I found myself attracted to people who exuded a similar amount of passion as I did. I assumed passion was the quality I admired, however, I am beginning to realized that it is not passion that I am attracted to; it is the story I've created in my mind about how another person's passion will make me feel. I am attracted to the connotations I place on the concept of passion, although as reality plays out, this "attractive" person will inevitably veer away from the script my imaginatively jaded mind has preconceived for them. Basically, this is a reactive mindset, instead of a proactive one. It also happens to be in my opinion, the root of co-dependency.

Not only do we assume flawless resonance when we communicate a concept to someone, but inside that, each word we choose to use has a different connotation for each person. For example, if you called me a Nigger I would probably laugh because my history with that word is a humorous one so I would take the comment lightly, but if you called an African American a Nigger, he might interpret that as offensive because he has associated that word with a personal attack on his race. My point is that no matter how you intend your words or actions to be received, you can not rely on them to be fully realized because they are masked by assumption.

But I digress.

My point is that by staying within our relationship comfort zone and by glorifying everything we have in common with a person, we are inevitably misleading ourselves into what ultimately manifests as a very lonely fantasy. The human mind most certainly has the ability to qualify, however, it is far quicker to quantify our experiences; to say "we both love animals" as if that commonality alone will serve to connect you to another human being. What if tomorrow you get bitten by a dog and are now afraid of animals? Has your connection been severed because your mindset has shifted based on an experience? All states are temporary anyways. The good news is, relationships can be more stable than your state of mind; They can subsist based on chemistry and spirit rather than on the ever-evolving and frankly, unstable nature of the quantifiable.

Moral 1: Expectations are disappointments waiting to happen.

Moral 2: Learn to love people for who they are, not what they represent to you.

10:52 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Wet Dreams
Current mood: inspired

Joys of the flesh cannot compare
To a meandering mind melted by Master's stare,
In a mist, missing trips of elongated tones
Sent to violently twist as i silently moan
Just at thoughts of sensations i might soon see come
Purring deep in a throat that's already gone numb,
As sun-setting passion dives deep in the night 
He holds me down till i'm scared of the light.

Writhing around i succumb to O/our scene;
Am i something or nothing, do i lie in between?
In this moment i feel each fantasy connecting
Tying each means to the end of His directing.
Choking on air that's propelling me high,
Faced with a truth that i cannot deny,
When supportive hands slowly soothe me down
Till I lie at His feet curled up into a mound.

From euphoric dreams i awake to the scent
of my own drenched pussy,
wondering what it all meant…

~Ilanamous~

3:35 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Mr. E
Current mood: creative

In trance I am lured toward the stagnant air,
Mr. E swipes His cane and through flesh does tear,
With the warmth of His body guiding me down
Two submissive knees buckle to the ground
His lips start to whisper a vulgar command
Twisting my fate in the palm of His hand
He walks in my path always two steps ahead
In a confident stride, though light is His tread
I aim to please and He's pleased to aim
With His genuine touch, no two strikes are the same
In an infinite hell spiraling toward the sky
W/we release in each other what in U/us must die
As the tone of His voice brings me back to my senses
I've placed on His plate each one of my defenses
I yearn to be guided by my incestual Big Brother,
To feel abnormally calm when W/we embrace one another
He knows every action that shocks me, in scorn
I trust Him no matter how deeply he's torn,
Energetic exchange meets a primal rage
He's trapped in my mind while I'm trapped in His cage
In seeking my service He trains me well
And reaches below what the surface can tell
And if ever lulled to sleep by His fantasy
I'm awakened by my never-ending Mr. E.

~Ilanamous~

12:59 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Notice Me
Current mood: creative

6:50 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

When Energies Collide (Song Lyrics)

When energies collide
a bond forever tied
a force restoring hope and faith, so alive
nothing, I mean nothing can break the spell
an everlasting prayer cast down a wishing well
is answered

when energies collide
a bond forever tied
foreign sensations similarly defined
interwoven circles shaping cosmic minds
answers that were hidden are not hard to find
in tandem

when energies collide
when energies collide

but oh, how impossible it seems
caleidescoping visions rarely meet
no need to seek out
what is mean to be

when energies collide
when energies collide

~Ilanamous~

4:25 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment