and...

... we're still waiting.

9:46 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

the price is right.!

BEST WAY TO SPEND...

1 DOLLAR: Arizona iced tea or Iceland Pure water

2 DOLLARS: clearance/blank t-shirts

3 DOLLARS: Airwick brand oil warmer night lights

4 DOLLARS: thrift store pants

5 DOLLARS: cheap champagne/wine

6 DOLLARS: 3 boxes of frozen waffles

7 DOLLARS: box of 20 Mule Team Borax

8 DOLLARS: 3 bags of El Monteray bean and cheese burritos

9 DOLLARS: chile rellenos dinner

10 DOLLARS: four grocery bags of produce from Stanley's

15 DOLLARS: REALLY cute sunglasses or something from Target

20 DOLLARS: dinner for two

25 DOLLARS: ... plus tip

50 DOLLARS: two new tires

100 DOLLARS: a serger

2:50 AM - 2 Comments - 1 Kudos - Add Comment

thoughts without patterns

had my two baby showers, super fun! thanks everyone for the gifts, whether you made it out or not.

now i have so much baby swag, I can't walk in my room. I have no idea what to do with it all... need storage.

27 days until due date... yowza.


today i went to taco bell and ordered a seven layer, a bean burrito, and a side of beans. after i ate the seven layer burrito i was angry at myself for ordering so many beans. waaaay too much beans.


i need to shower... don't feel like it... but will... maybe.


project runway... i will see you tomorrow.


a lady called into comcast the other day to tell me we need to stop sending her flyers in the mail because it's cluttering her mailbox. i advised her that she would need to contact the post office because we give them bulk and they put it in each mailbox, hence "our neighbor" being the addressee.

she took that well but then said "and another thing, I noticed when I called in I had the option to press one for english and two for spanish. when i go to mexico, I don't have a choice, when i go to france, I don't have a choice. you people need to end this practice immediately, this is america, we speak english, you need to tell the CEO that this is unacceptable." I apologized and asked her if there was anything else I could do for her.

she said "and my brother in law's house has been broken into three times in the last month and the police think it's comcast!"

when i told people in the spanish queue about this, they told me that in mexico you do have a choice between english and spanish in most places.

I told her I would tell my manager to pass up the whole spanish thing... I didn't tell her that my manager was manny lopez. i also never told my manager... just everyone else... and we all found hi-larious.

people are dumb.

and I just want to say, I know some lame people, but i don't know anyone who gets angry about there being an option for spanish or polish... so it's hard for me to even believe that people exist who are deeply offended by... another language?

here's an idea for those who are... don't push 2 (or in some cases, estrella), and you can speak english. if a company decides to have a spanish line, that's their perrogative... plus... seriously... even if i was BFF with the CEO of comcah (that's comcast in spanish) would he really lose the kajillions of dollars in sales because some dumb white bitch in carol stream who doesn't subscribe to comcast services thinks it's unamerican to have spanish-speaking reps?


i want to be as unamerican as possible.



hence not showering... which is french.

10:03 PM - 5 Comments - 3 Kudos - Add Comment

barack the boat

when i'm on my way to work M-W, talk of the nation (with neal conan and political junkie, ken rudin!!) is always on.

this is probably moot since I can't find my voter's registration card but John McCain scares me.

I don't know if people should vote for people based on superficial things like if the candidate looks like a creepy skeleton and talks like a creepy skeleton

but that's how I do it.



Vote for the semi-attractive black man!

10:14 PM - 3 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

lazy

I've been thinking about baby costumes... I can't think of any good ones.



I think I'll just be bjork again and dress my kid up as an egg.




halloween. done.

12:14 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

i am sick of being fat!

i want to prance around in pretty dresses.!

the kind that poof out at the hips!

being pregnant sucks!

7:24 AM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

embarrassing stories pt 1

one time joe and i were at a thai restaurant and we had to listen to 101.9 the mix for like a half hour and then a coldplay song came on and joe was like "coldplay is really good". or something.


OUCH. BURN.


update.


joe wanted to me to tell the full story because he already has public relations problems...


joe thought coldplay was great IN COMPARISON to lenny kravitz.







but he still listens to TaTu on his headphones at night.

7:18 AM - 3 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

smegma be damned

it's a boy!


and he's not getting circumcised!


because teeth are harder to clean than penises and i don't pull my teeth out to avoid cavities


the end.

9:40 PM - 10 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

blackity black

Do you remember on Wait Wait.. Don't Tell Me when they were talking about how scientists have come up with a substance that absorbs 99.9% of light and is therefore the blackest black and someone was like "are they going to name it?" and Mo Rocca was like "they have to name it; it's the new black!"?

no. you don't.

but i do.

9:59 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

the departed

spent my entire sunday and some of today in the er/hospital for tremendous pain which turned out to be a urinary tract infection that was backing up my kidneys. baby was fine but I had to stay in the hospital for well over 24 hours with a stupid needle tube taped to my arm. I was allowed the dignity of using the bathroom by myself but I had to wheel my IV thing around wherever I went, making everything but sleeping a chore. i had an appointment for an ultrasound yesterday morning at 9 but was still in ER so I couldn't attend.

so that sucked.

and apparently while i was gone, one of my roommates moved out. so you can imagine my surprise to find a dog shut up in his room. It wasn't the nicest dog in the world but no one came all day to let it out so i befriended it and took it outside where it would not shit. I couldn't really be out with her long because she kept tugging which made my stomach hurt and seemed like the wrong thing to be doing.

I noticed her tag said "Latte LASTNAME"*. "LASTNAME"* was not the last name of my roommate. so when i took her back into her room, i snooped through a few things that were sitting on a table in the room. This wasn't a new table; it used to be in our living room and we thought the departed roommate had taken it. Two things I grabbed were a receipt for cleaners and a paystub. They both said "FIRSTNAME LASTNAME"*.

Which is when we realized that someone had moved into our house without ANYONE OF US KNOWING IT.

Needless to say we changed the locks and later we heard the lock being messed with and finally a knock and we said "who is it?" twice and noone answered so we called the cops.

The cops came and then left.

I took the dog out a couple more times but couldn't get her to poop.

fast forward... Joe was supposed to be coming home soon and there was a big loud knock on the door. I asked who it was and they said "police!" I didn't believe them because well... anyone could say they were the cops. So I asked Bill, who was half asleep what to do and he said ask for their names and badge numbers. So I did and they said "i'll tell you when you open the door" and I was like "I don't think that's how it works! Where's your car?" and they said "in front of the building!" and it was so I let them in and they were mad that I took so long and they bitched at me that it was illegal for me to change my locks on a leasee. But when I explained the situation they became sort of nice and told us about how we have to be careful about psychopaths and that it was a dangerous thing for the new roommate because if he (the cop) saw some dude in his house who he didn't know, the guy would get a major beating. Our old roommate was there with the new guy, who I feel a little bad for but I took good care of his dog and so I feel I haven't really done wrong by this guy. Old Roommate said we knew there was a new person coming in and I asked why then we weren't introduced to the person and his dog, who growled at us and he said essentially that we were giving him the cold shoulder and not talking to him so he didn't say anything but that he had written us a note. Now... that's half true... I mean... there was a note.

It read "electricity off soon. new possible roommate on the horizon" I did not take that to mean that he had placed someone but that he was moving out and we'd get someone new in. which is exactly what we were going to do. And no offense to this poor sap who moved in but he definitely did not look like the kind of roommate we wanted.

we were accused of being manipulators when the police began siding with us. but really we were in the right.

then old roommate tried to incriminate one of our roommates by telling the police that downstairs there was a bunch of pot.

the cop said "god bless him. I don't give a fuck." hahaha

the mystery roommate moved all of his stuff out and the police told us it was okay for us to keep our lock changed because the old roommate had already taken all of his stuff and was not living there and the one who did all of the talking was all like The Depahrted about it. He was cool.






*names have been changed to protect the innocent.

9:33 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment