Breast Cancer Awareness Month...as if I could ever forget this month
Category: Life

Here is comes again, here it has begun, the month of October. This month has some significances for me to ponder each year. When most people think about October, they think of Halloween. I think about October 19th, the day of my father's birth. I also remember October 19th as the day my mother died. Yes, she died on the day he was born. Freaky, aye?



^ A long time ago, at a bar mitzvah far, far away...


But October bears another significance to me, and to many others who recognize the cause which this month has taken on. October is, as I am sure you are well aware, Breast Cancer Awareness Month.


I am very much aware each year of what this month is called, and what so many including me hope for it to achieve. See, my mother died of breast cancer, in Breast Cancer Awareness Month, four years ago this October 19th. And I tell you, if she had caught it earlier, if she had checked herself and detected the lump sooner, she would have beaten it; she would have survived.


Last year, throughout October, I posted several blogs about the value and need of early detection, about my mother's strength and courage throughout her 2 year battle with breast cancer, about her last weeks and days with me, and about what she has meant in my life, how she had guided me and inspired me as well as others. My father had died when I was 15, so being an only child, it was only my mother and I after that. Needless to say, we were very close, and she was such an important part of my life throughout my childhood and adult years that even now, at my age of 41, not a day ends that I haven't thought of, and missed her.


"A mother holds her children's hands for a little while...their hearts forever."   ~Dacra


I think of my father too every day, and miss him for the man I knew in my first 15 years of life, and the man I wish I knew in my life now. I know it is wrong to envy others, but I cannot help but envy those of my adult friends who still have one or both parents in their lives.


I was asked about a month ago by some of my friends if I was going to write new blogs about breast cancer this year, for this month, or if I would repost the ones I did from last year. To be honest I hadn't decided at the time, and even now, at this very minute, I'm not sure what I mean to do. I have been very busy, quite distracted, and uninspired lately. And as I wrote in a blog a few days ago, I had my hard drive wiped out by a nasty virus I picked up, and now I am typing this from my friend's computer.

But now, a minute later, I have decided. I am going to post links to them in a new blog, talk some more about breast cancer survival when I get the chance, and write a new blog about my mother, and one about my father.


But for now let me put a lid on this blog with a reminder for all women to check yourselves thoroughly and often. Early detection is the key, for the sake of saving your life, saving your boobs, and for your loved ones to save the time they continue to have with you.

07:30 AM - 2 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

2 Girls, 1 Cactus...no, it’s not what you think. I promise.
Category: Food and Restaurants

Okay. So, everyone knows from my cooking blogs how much I love to experiment with my stir-fries and add new spices and vegetables and things I'd not tried before, in order to make the delicious, droolicious meals I've so bragged about, right? Right.



Click here for some tasty past blogs:
Find Your Delight Upon My Stove
Dining in the Big City InspireShine Style


So last week I came across a jar of bottled sliced cactus. I was quite surprised, as I'd never thought of cacti as a food item before. But there they were, selling it for consumption. I thought, this is amazing...wierd, but amazing, and I have to try this! So I bought it and put it in my cabinet. After that I had cooked two meals and forgot all about it. Then the night before last I opened the cabinet and saw it, and regretted that I hadn't added it to a meal yet.

I was curious, after all, still not having any idea what sliced cactus actually tastes like. So I opened the bottle and pulled out a long slice of cactus and prepared to taste it in order to answer the big question of what in the world does cactus taste like? I found that I was hesitant, even slightly nervous, about trying it. It looked so wierd, and...wierd.

Then I went for it. Took a bite of half of the inches-long slice...and cringed and nearly gagged. I think I did gag. I don't know if I actually swallowed it or spit it out, but I threw the slice in my hand into the trash as soon as I could thrust it away from me. It was horrid, intensely horrid. It was incredibly salty and intensely bitter. It tasted like chewing a lemmon with a mouthful of salt. Now I remember that I did gag. And gagged again even after drinking and spitting water to get the taste out of my mouth. Minutes later, I cringed and gagged again. I was still tasting it in my memory and cringing from it, like being affected by the scratching of a chalk board even after the scratching stops. I had no idea cactus would taste so horrid. Or perhaps I had, hence why I was so hesitant to eat it.

Yuk....ewwww, and ick.

Big question I have now is, why did I put the bottle in the fridge instead of throwing it away? I have no idea. Maybe I just want to try to get someone else to taste it too, to laugh at their reaction. maybe film it, too. I can visualize it now,
"2 girls, 1 Cactus".

No, Shine, don't even go there.



Ugh. I just gagged again. Involuntary reflex, I suppose.

05:29 AM - 4 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment

My Unsaved Documents Died and Went to Hell
Category: Life

Hi friends. I am writing this from my friend's computer for reasons soon to be explained.


On Saturday my car's engine, a '98 Saturn, was billowing steam and I found that I had a cracked engine head. The mechanic said he could not look at it until Monday morning, so I have yet to learn the full extent of the damage and cost to repair it. Money is not growing trees here so I pray that the cost won't be more than I can handle or more than the car is worth.

Then I had to walk home 2 miles from the mechanic. When I got home I wanted to write a new blog in my faith-based LightSpire site about how I trust in God to help me, and to glorify him despite my troubles. But alas I could not write the blog because I contracted a virus that caused a hard drive failure and shut my PC down and prevented it from starting again despite all attempts. I fear that I have lost everything on my hard drive. My recently saved cousin the computer expert has it now to see if he can salvage anything. I have all of my files and documents backed up from a few months ago, but all of the more recent unfinished blogs for  inSpireShine and LightSpire and messages and stories that I started in the last few months, that I haven't had time to finish or submit are now most likely lost. I should have backed up my hard drive every week or more, but I am a schmuck. There were so many blogs I had wanted to post, but hadn't had time or proper focus to finish them, as much as I wanted to; as much as I believed in them.

So, in one day I blew my engine, blew my hard drive, and lost all my unfinished blogs and other new writings. In other words, I blew it, and that blows. I pray that our Father God, the almighty mechanic and most holy Tech Support, will guide the hands and decide the outcome of those working on my car and computer.


I wrote the preceding on Sunday as a MySpace bulletin from my other profile. I just made it a blog for those friends who never saw the earlier bulletin. Here is the latest update:

My cousin tried to salvage my files by installing the same OS disk and transferring the files over to the new before deleting the old operating system, but the software would not load and kept freezing up. The hard drive is too corrupted. Tomorrow he is reformatting the hard drive and starting over. So there you have it, I've lost everything I've written, both completed and uncompleted, and every photo I've saved from online, and everything sent to me by friends, and all of my received and sent emails, from the past 5 months. And all because I was too lazy to back up my new files, thinking I had plenty of time before something happened.

I thought I had so much time to get them saved before the end, but now they're dead.

So, my new files were unsaved, didn't receive eternal life, and are now in hell. Ironic, don't you think? I mean, after all, almost all of them written for LightSpire said that Jesus is Lord.



Aferthought: Well, I may not have gotten to write my blogs this weekend glorifying Jesus, but the devil is still getting his belittling by the best blog of them all.

05:27 AM - 13 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment

Who I’m Voting For In November...This is Nuts!
Category: Life

This is, to my memory, the first political blog I've ever written. But let me warn you, this is not a Todzilla blog. If you want to read a serious blog on politics, precede no further because you won't find it here. It may seem like you will, but it won't end up that way.

This is a tough election, with difficult choices to make. I've never been more confused about who I want to vote for.

About ten years ago I remember being so impressed by John McCain as I watched several speeches and learned more about him, that I told my family, "I don't like the Republican party, but if he ever ran for president, I'd vote for him." Recalling that 8 years ago, when he was up against W to for the Republican nomination, I was hoping that he would have been the one to lead the Republican party in their quest for the Presidency. Again, I wasn't a Republican, but I felt that if it were between him and Gore, though I liked Gore, I'd have probably voted for him. But then Bush became the Republican candidate and I was disappointed. So were many others who voted for Gore in the most ridiculous election outcome ever.

I tried to vote for Gore in that election. I wanted Gore as President. But then Broward county Board of Elections screwed up somehow, and when I went to vote, in the precinct I was registered in, they had no record of me. I went to more than one location, and again back to the place I had originally been registered in, and they had no record of my voter status. So I wanted Gore, and I couldn't even vote for him. And then, as history unfolded, Bush gained Florida amid the biggest voting mess this country had ever seen. At least I think it was the biggest one, I don't remember anything like it ever occurring before.

Fast forward to the present…

After all the messes of the last few years, of what happened after Katrina, of the farce of the search for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq and the whole mess of the Iraq war, of all the mistakes and scandals related to the Republican led government over the past 8 years, I knew there was no way I could vote for the Republican party. But then John McCain stepped up to the plate, and recalling my confidence in him from the past, I was torn.

So now it is down to McCain and Obama, and I am a torn man. In a nutshell, I am so very divided in my opinions on each of them.

I have a hard time voting Republican for the record of the past 8 years, and for their support for big corporations and big oil. But I have problems with Obama as well, for his lack of experience, his 20 year affiliation with a church pastor who expressed such hatred for whites and America, and for the promises Obama has made that I don't believe he can deliver on. I would have no problem voting for a black candidate if I really believed in him, but as for Obama, I'm not sure that I do.

If only Darth Vader hadn't withdrawn his candidacy. The country has already shifted toward the Dark Side, so he would have been perfect for us.

Then I saw the following political ads and they swayed my resolve in a profound way.

This one impressed me. I think it's time for change, my friends. Time for change.

This one convinced me to vote for McCain, suggesting him to be the hero I always believed him to be:

But then I saw this political poster and I was persuaded, being the Star Wars geek that I am, that Obama is the man to lead this country:

And then I saw this one, and my vote for McCain was solidified. I mean, when you squeeze boobs into the equation, my interest is peaked. It doesn't matter what his political stand on foreign and domestic policy is now, all that matters is bringing the First Daughter into the spotlight. Vote Boobs! Let other people worry about foreign policy and the economy...I just care about boobs!

But do you know what? In the end I am still confused and indecisive, unable to stake a claim in either candidate. So my choice is not to vote for either of them. I have found another candidate I trust more than the both of them combined, who I realize I can truly believe in.

So follow me to the polls, my friends, and make your choice big, and vote for the Wig!

I am InspireShine, and I endorse this blog.

More campaign ads can be found on Cracked.com.

http://www.cracked.com/article_16661_campaign-ads-would-look-like-if-voting-age-was-6.html

07:11 PM - 14 Comments - 20 Kudos - Add Comment

That Green Shirt I Wear
Current mood: thoughtful
Category: Life

Hello friends. It has been awhile since I've blogged last. Looking at the date of my last blog, it has been over three months since my last blog, which is amazing considering that I used to blog almost every day. The one year anniversary of my InspireShine profile was last month, and I plan to address that in my next blog. You see, I've been busy. Busy but now I'm back, and back with a big new blog, too. So without further adieu...

Recently I noticed, upon looking through my MySpace photo albums on my other profile Slide on the Ice, how often I've been photographed, in different times and places, wearing one particular green shirt.

I don't go out too often anymore, and when I say go out I mean to music clubs. But when I did go out last year and the dress code was casual, I would reach for the clothing most comfortable and halfway decent looking. Apparently, from the number of times the green shirt appears in my photos in the clubs and other places I was photographed in, intermixed with other shirts, it's usually the same green shirt I reached for most often. What can I say? I like the shirt, and it is comfortable. It's the most comfortable casual shirt I have, and why should I stray from what is most comfortable and familiar?

On one hand it is embarrassing. On the other hand, it is sort of funny, in a way. Did you ever see that episode of Seinfeld where Jerry is dating a woman who seems to be wearing the same shirt every time they go out? Do you remember that one? George suggested, "Maybe you just caught her at the start of a new laundry cycle?" After that, Jerry was determined to peek into her closet to see if she was really wearing the same shirt each time, or whether she had a whole closet full of the same color outfit.

No, I am not going to enclose a photo of my closet to show you I have more than one shirt!

I was not a dance club frequenter when I was younger, nor was I into the types of music that I love now. Oh, I did like dance music, but again, going to dance clubs was not my thing. Then I became friends with lovers of the music scene, and several DJs, and I had found myself wanting to answer invites to drive to South Beach, Miami to brave my way into the musical nightlife that would take me out of my usual element of familiarity. So on many a night I would make the 35 or so minute journey to South Beach, and party with friends of the music scene; out of my familiar element, my comfort zone, until I began to fit in, and the clubs became my green shirt. Winter Music Conference, Shine Nightclub, Blue, Cafeteria, Nikki Beach, Nocturnal. God, I loved South Beach; I loved Miami. I loved hanging out in the clubs with great music and great people, and driving home with the sunrise. I loved the town, the feel, the atmosphere, and the change in my element into a new comfort zone. But I would not move to Miami. If I did that, as time went by, it would become just another place to me. There would be no change. And I like that change now. Yet, in many other ways in my life, I avoid change.

I grew up in New York, on Long Island. When I was nineteen, my mother wanted to move to Florida; to be with the rest of our family who had already made the move. I did not want to make such an extreme and drastic change in my life. My friends were in New York. My town was familiar; it was comfortable. New York was my green shirt. But finally, my mother, who I was very close with, especially after I lost my father when I was fifteen, convinced me to make the move to South Florida, and on my twentieth birthday, I left Long Island behind and took my green shirt with me. Oh, not the same green shirt as the one I've been discussing; no, just the concept. When I was twenty-five, my boss wanted to promote me to manager and have me move to Chattanooga, Tennessee, to run his operation there. I did not want to go, I tell you. I did not want to leave my familiar element in south Florida behind, and change my life to adapt from my comfort zone.

Well, my family and friends urged me to make the change, and finally I made the move to Chattanooga. My boss was a contractor providing photography work within and through a tourist facility, and I became the manager of that location. But my boss and I did not see eye to eye on one matter, the matter of him paying me a large sum of money that he owed me, and he fired me. The next day, however, the General Manager of the tourist facility "fired" my boss and asked me to take over the photography operation. I did, and ran that operation for the next two years, loving the by then familiar and comfortable Chattanooga and knowing that I did not want to leave it again. It was also in Chattanooga, btw, where I found the Lord and became a new believer in Christ, having been inspired by the very Christian employees I had working for me, and meeting a missionary at the end of one particularly depressing and troubling evening. And that, my friends, was the farthest departure from what was formerly familiar and comfortable I could ever have imagined. Apparently, the move to Chattanooga had been part of the Lord's plan all along.

But after two years there were more changes, and I found myself back in Florida again, and I did not want to be back. Chattanooga had become my green shirt. But there were other things in store for me, new opportunities and wardrobe cabinets to be opened, and so it was here that I remained.

In the years since, I had a boss who had a favorite saying, one that I remember to this day. "Change is not always good or bad, but always inevitable."

And there were also others, who said,

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become." –Charles DuBois

"Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future." –John F. Kennedy

Too often I had stuck with the green shirt because it is so comfortable. How often in life do we avoid straying from our comfort zone because we fear change? How often do we pass up on new opportunities that making changes might have brought about? Then we realize that we're unhappy and we ask ourselves, "Why?" The answer almost always is, because we never try. If only we would, and when we do, that's when new opportunities and new lives open up to us. Sometimes all it takes is a new shirt, or the willingness to go shopping for one.

Are you comfortable with change? Do you stick with the same usual things because you don't like change, or are wary of straying from the unfamiliar? Have you avoided certain changes when it was easier to stick with what was most comfortable, or familiar? What are the green shirts you have in your life?

 So, that was my lesson for the day that I wanted to share with you. And it all came about thanks to a certain green shirt.

On the agenda for next weekend: A trip to the store to buy some new shirts. And maybe even, a return to South Beach.

10:00 PM - 8 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment

Grilled By Arris, Isis, and The Untamed Shrew
Category: Quiz/Survey

This is an overdue blog, and I'm sorry to those I am about to mention, for its tardiness. In their own blogs where they had responded to a tag to be interviewed, Arris, Isis, and Shannon the Untamed Shrew had offerred to interview anyone else in their blog, with five questions of their own choosing, and I had answered the offer and asked to be interviewed. That was quite a long while ago, but better late than never, here are my answers to each of their interviews...

From Arris:

1.      Who was the biggest inspiration in your life?

-George Lucas.

2. What is your "Bucket list"?
-VisitJapan, skydive, scuba-dive, sail across the ocean, drive and race a Lamborghini Murciélago, have sex with Jessica Alba, and see at least one of my still unfinished novels published and made into a movie.

I Cried in the Gym Tonight
Category: Life

There I was in the gym, surrounded by testosterone and bulging muscles, the grunts of people working out, and I started to cry a little.

Hey, give me a break…they have multiple TVs hanging from overhead facing into the cardio room where the bikes and running machines are, and they were tuned to a show on NBC that was reporting on the psychological trauma of soldiers who had to kill others in warfare. One of the featured stories was about a man who had killed a Vietnamese soldier during the Vietnamese war, who had lived for 37 years with the guilt of the life he had taken. He had shot and killed a man who had a 3 year old daughter, and now, all these years later, the man had traveled to Vietnam to meet and apologize to the daughter, now 40, of the soldier he had killed.

After shooting the enemy soldier, he had lifted a photo from the man's pocket and had taken it away with him; a photo he had kept every day since, a photo of that man and his 3 year old daughter. And upon his return, and meeting with that grown woman, he gave her an enlarged copy of that photo. And then, with the photo of the father she never really got to know between them, she hugged him and cried, her forgiveness evident.

And just then, so did I. Just a couple of wet spots in the corner of my eyes, I mean, nothing major. Stuff like that always yanks hard on my heart strings.

"Quit bawling like a baby," a burley voice from beside me said suddenly, reminding me of my surroundings. "Act like a man! What did you do, get your manhood revoked at the door when you came in?"

"Uh, sorry ma'am," I said to the woman on the stationary bike beside me. "I just started working out again, so I'm still working on my testosterone."

Boy, some women are brutal!

Hey look, here's a funny photo to distract you as I run and dab a tissue to my eyes!

07:28 PM - 20 Comments - 28 Kudos - Add Comment

My Sweetness Is My Poison --the diabetes blog

I'm too damned sweet for my own good, but I would be a delicious dish for a sweet tooth vampire, considering how much sugar I have in my bloodstream. But such a vampire would have trouble sneaking up on me in my sleep, since I do so little of it.

I haven't slept well for the last few years. I don't sleep well because I don't let myself. I have often stayed awake to all hours of the night, and more times than I could count I've avoided an entire night of sleep, sometimes at least once a week for long periods of time. For the last few years I have generally gotten roughly 4-5 hours of sleep a night, with a full 8-9 hours only on rare occasions. There were also times, for long stretches in fact, when I would only grant myself 3-4 hours a night, sometimes even only one or two hours. But it was not a big deal, I always told myself. Though on rare occasions I felt sluggish and drowsy, for the most part I generally felt fine during the day. I may be "middle aged", but I was trying to hold onto the energy I had in my early 20's.

I am Jack's self-imposed insomnia. I make Jack stay awake, deep in thought.

On the wall of the Orientation classroom at work is a poster stating, in clear bold letters, that extended lack of sleep is a major contributing factor in the development of Type-2 diabetes. Seeing that statement, I was struck by how much lack of proper sleep over the years has affected me. But I don't have time for sleep. I'll sleep when I'm dead. Maybe I really am Tyler Durden from Fight Club. Until then, let me alone to enjoy my long hours into the night that I spend online and on my computer, trying to write my blogs and messages.

I am Jack's Zzzz's. He stays awake late tapping away on his keyboard, but the Z key is missing.

I have been like a child, wanting to stay awake longer to enjoy more of the day before submitting to the loss of the day to sleep. To hell with sleep, I don't need sleep.

But my pancreas does.

To be honest, until I started my new job, I had no idea what the pancreas was or what it did. But now I do know, and I understand the following:

All foods are turned to sugar for energy within the body. I don't mean candies and sweets, I mean ALL foods.

The liver stores and releases sugar into the body.

Sugar is spread throughout the body where it is absorbed into the cells to give the body energy.

Insulin is needed to break down the sugar and enable it to be absorbed properly into the cells.

The pancreas creates and distributes insulin.

Extended lack of sleep causes damage to the pancreas, in turn cutting down on the production of insulin.

Without the insulin, the sugar cannot be properly absorbed into the cells, and that is when damage to the cells, nerves, and bodily organs occur. The sugar that is so vitally needed becomes, essentially, poison in the body.

In summary:

Our bodies need sugar to survive.

Sugar needs insulin.

Insulin needs the pancreas.

The pancreas needs proper sleep to fully function.

Lack of sleep leaves the pancreas damaged.

Lack of sleep can kill you.

Click on my profile to hear Weird Al Yancovics I Love My Pancreas

I am Jack's pancreas. I release the insulin Jack needs to regulate his sugar. But he's taken me for granted and I'm tired so piss off, Jack. You're on your own. 

Lack of sleep can lead to depression: 
http://www.healthday.com/Article.asp?AID=613966

Lack of sleep can lead to diabetes: 
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/earth/main.jhtml?view=DETAILS&grid=&xml=/earth/2008/01/01/scidiabete10.xml

Lack of sleep can lead to obesity: 
http://news.xinhuanet.com/english/2004-12/08/content_2308386.htm

I have learned more about diabetes in the last month and a half than in the last 7-8 years of having borderline diabetes, and I had said a few weeks ago that ironically, this job, working for a diabetic supply company, may just wind up saving my life. I have been working for this company since the end of March. It's one of the big ones, one of the companies that advertises on TV, radio, and internet for a free blood glucose meter and testing supply services. No, not the one with Wilfred Brimley in the commercial. Another company, a big one. Fortune 500 and all that.

My job is to contact the diabetic patients who have recently inquired about the free meter offer, and enroll them in our testing supply programs, where the meter is sent to them for free and the testing supplies are delivered to them and billed to their insurance companies. I must say, I am doing very well in this job. I am meeting and beating my daily quotas, I am interacting with my patients with kindness and empathy, and my quality of work is impressive and clearly recognized. After only a month on the floor, they have had me training new employees, plugging them into my phone line and instructing them as they observed my calls. The depth of my training style was certainly recognized and discussed several times by those of my co-workers in the cubicles around me, and I was told as well by many that my style of training was thorough and affective. I was, of course, a manager for eleven years, hiring and training countless employees. And I do, after all, enjoy training people. It's in my blood, after all.

Yes, it's in my blood, along with a lot of sugar that shouldn't be there.

I wish that I could say that I have been as affective in maintaining my health and controlling my blood sugar for the last months, and God only knows for how much longer than that. My sugar levels have been wildly out of control, and the warnings are overdue in the heeding.

It was in the second week of April that I had a wake-up call, a rude awakening in fact. I had not tested my blood sugar levels in a good two, maybe two and a half years. To give you some back story, when I first learned that I had borderline Type-2 diabetes in 2000 or 2001, I had gone to the doctor because every time I took a drink, I had to pee like a race horse soon after. What I later realized, is that that is how the body gets rid of as much excess sugar as possible.

I am Jack's bulging bladder, ready to pour some sugar out of me.

They tested my blood, and I learned that my blood sugar was at 211. Normal adult blood sugar is supposed to be between 70 and 120. I managed it after that day and kept it within normal ranges for quite a long time by cutting sugars and carbs from my diet and eating better. When I cheated, which happened on occasion, my sugar would shoot up to 140, 150, 160…but would then fall back to normal within hours or a half day, one day at the most. But on April 9^th  last month, during a glucose meter training class, I tested my blood sugar out of curiosity (since I hadn't checked it so long) and my levels were at 283. I was amazed, and alarmed. That is not only high, it's dangerous. I realized that by not testing for so long, I had allowed my blood sugar to get so far out of control, and I have no idea how long it has been so high. And it took working for a diabetic company, where I talk to people about taking better care of their own diabetes, to wake me up to the seriousness of my own condition.

I am Jack's denial. I don't want to accept that I have this problem.

We had a week of orientation classes at the beginning of my employment here. Two of the classes were taught by Andrew, a man who works in another area of the company. Andrew is a Type-1 diabetic who is on a permanent insulin pump, and as he told us in his classes on diabetes and diabetic control, he had nearly died from his condition more than once in his life. It was mainly through Andrew that I began to realize how serious my condition really was (after being in denial of it for so long); how serious the implications were, how dangerous diabetes really was when left unchecked, and how difficult, or easily, this condition can be controlled. Andrew and I had a long talk after class about my high sugar levels. I was concerned, but without health insurance, and 3 months away from obtaining company sponsored insurance, I knew that to seek treatment would mean spending money I did not have. Andrew understood my concerns; he had been there before, many times. The next day, he got me a new batch of test strips and lancets, and instructed me to test 3 times a day for 2 weeks, after which he would analyze the results and give me advice on what to do next.

So that is what I began to do, though I wound up testing more than 3 times a day; before, after, and between meals. And amazed and alarmed that my sugar levels were consistently at various levels of extreme highs. What concerned me even more is that I felt fine, that I showed no signs or symptoms of high blood sugar. In the past, throughout the earlier years of having borderline Type-2 diabetes, my body always told me when my blood sugar was high. Excessive thirst, even more excessive urination, elevated anxiety and irritation, slight dizziness at times, et all.

But for the past month and a half my blood sugar levels have been out of control, and my body is not reacting the way it did in the past. That had led me to be in denial about my sugar, convinced that the meter I was testing with was faulty. But I tested with several meters, and they all told me the same thing. My blood sugar is, daily, out of control, and yet I feel fine. But the troubling thing is, that my body may be in such a state that it is beyond the normal reactions; that it has adapted to the damage to the point of not reacting at all. By comparison, pain is one way of the body telling us to stop doing what we're doing, such as leaning on a hot stove top. But if the nerves are already gone, and we feel nothing, we won't know to move our hand from the fire. When we realize that, we realize that so much damage has been done to our hand that recovery may be long or non-existent, that it may already be too late.

When I was first diagnosed all those years ago, I was told that I did not need meds, that I could control it by diet and exercise. Immediately after, I changed my diet considerably. I cut all sugars and almost all (as many as possible) carbohydrates from my diet. I stopped drinking regular soda and switched to diet. I gave up drinking the natural orange and other fruit juices that I so loved. For several years I ate foods with low sugar and low carbs, and generally took care of my diet; albeit with some occasional cheating and splurges. But for the most part, I stayed within bounds and was in good shape dietarily. It was really only in the last few couple of years that I went off the wagon too often. For the most part, I still buy foods low in sugar (2-4 grams at the most) and watch my diet carefully, and it has only really been when I went out to eat, to the buffets, that I went overboard and ate just about anything. Over the two years, I have gone to a lot of buffets though. A lot of buffets. The Chinese buffets are my weakness.

I am Jack's gluttony. Get out of my way, I'm still hungry. Or maybe I'm not hungry, but I want my money's worth!

By Sunday back in April, a week into my schedule of daily testing and recording the results as Andrew had instructed me to do, I had frequently been in the high one-hundreds and occasionally in the low two-hundreds. No matter what I ate, or did not eat, my sugar was at a constant high.

Remember, the normal sugar levels in adults should be between 70 and 120.

Glucose levels in the high 100's are bad, but not that bad. Over 200 levels are pretty bad. High 200's are really bad. 300 and over are…how else do I say this…really, really bad. Here are a string of my glucose levels over the course of several days that week: 235, 174, 175, 167, 189, 123, 226, 232, 157, 189, 179, 154, 197, 147, 152, 197, 147, 152…

I am Jack's liver. I release extra sugar into the body, even when Jack does not need it. Even when he skips meals, thinking that less food = less sugar, I give him more than his body can handle.

The night before, I had dined at my favorite Chinese restaurant, where I satiated myself with my beloved sushi and other delights. When I tested myself that Sunday at work, at 12:20PM, my sugar was at an astonishing 358 points.

358 points!

No, it wasn't possible. I was baffled. It made no sense. I mean, my body felt fine; there was no way my sugar could have been that high. I washed my hands and tested again, and it showed little difference. A little while later I told my supervisor about my concerns, and he broke out a better meter, one with greater accuracy, with new strips and lancets, and my reading was 415.

415???

I should have been weak or passed out, but I wasn't. I could have slipped into a diabetic coma from that. I shook my head. It was impossible. He opened another brand of meter, and it was nearly the same. We were both astounded. He asked me if I wanted to leave, if I wanted to go home and rest, and I told him that I was fine and wanted to stay; I needed the money, since I'm not yet eligible for sick pay.

I am Jack's growing concern. The waters of the Nile are draining fast.

By Monday morning my sugar had fallen to 200; higher than it should have been, yet much lower than it had been. I grabbed a bag of Asian Trail Mix from CVS to tide me over for breakfast. I love those nut and spicy cracker assortments. Not high in sugar or carbohydrates either; 1 gram of sugar and 19 grams of carbs.

By 12PM, it had jumped up again to 383.

I emailed Andrew to tell him of my high sugar levels, and he came down to my work station right away. He seemed quite concerned, and he told me that levels as high as I had walked around with over the weekend, especially when it was over 400, and that day too, were capable of causing either a heart attack or a stroke, or both. It could also have killed me. I was, evidently, walking around with potentially deadly high sugar levels

He told me that had he been there on Sunday, he would have called an ambulance and had me sent to the hospital. According to him; according to my sugar levels, I might very well have died. He gave me more info, and phone numbers to call, and urged me to see both the company nurse and a doctor.

So…I finally went to see a doctor, and had an A1C test done. The A1C is a test to determine whether or not you have diabetes (which I already knew I had, but he still had to do the test), by revealing what your blood sugar levels have been for the prior three months. How they can determine 90 days of sugar levels from two or three tubes of drawn blood, I do not know. But that is how they do it.

An A1C result of 5% and below indicates normal blood sugar. 6 is high, indicating diabetes. The American Diabetes Association (ADA) recommends for diabetics to keep their A1C below 7, while the American College of Endocrinology recommends 6.5 or lower. My percentage was 9.7.

I am Jack's A1C average, at ridiculous levels. Jack has a lot of work ahead of him.

The doc told me what I had expected to hear, what I was concerned about, that I was no longer borderline; I was a full blown diabetic. He then told me what I wanted to hear; that I would go on medication that would lower my blood sugar. He said he would put me on Metformin. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metformin However, he needed to run some more tests to determine if I had any liver or kidney damage from the diabetes. If so, I would not be able to go on the med I had heard good things about.

I am Jack's irony. If Jack has liver damage due to his high blood sugar, he will not be able to take Metformin to lower his blood sugar.

This comes at the worst possible time, a time when my stress level is already in overload, and my finances are in bad shape. The new costs of necessary medical testing and doctor visits, and more tests that are still needed, are causing even more strain on an already strained budget.

I am Jack's cholesterol and blood pressure. Diabetes causes me to be highly elevated, thus exasperating Jack's health problems. 

Oh well, it's just another challenge. But I can beat this. I will beat this. I have to beat this. My life, limbs, and eyesight depend on it. That's all that it is, another hurdle to overcome. With determination, medication, and God's help, I will overcome.

I got the call from the doc. The test results are in. Though more tests are needed, for now despite my high sugar, my liver and kidney functions appear normal, and my cholesterol and blood pressure are normal. I breathed a deep breath of relief. This was the best news regarding my condition to be heard in some time, that despite my dangerously high sugar levels, I have not suffered much if any bodily damage. Hopefully there is no nerve damage either, anywhere in my body.

You know, I talk to diabetic patients every day who don't take proper care of themselves, who do not eat right or check their blood sugar often, and I stress the importance of proper diabetic care. I tell those with Type-2 that the good thing about Type-2 diabetes, if it could be called a good thing, is that it is controllable. But proper control requires proper commitment and attention. I tell them about how I let my diabetes get out of control, and urge them not to make the same mistake

And that is why I wrote this blog, to inform, or remind, everyone of how to avoid, or improve, their Type 2 diabetes and their overall health. Remember to get plenty of…

Exercise.